Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Hatred
AI: Summary ©
The speakers discuss the concept of hatred and its potential negative impacts on society, including causing problems for people, causing shaming and harms, and creating negative emotions. They stress the importance of protecting one's rights and avoiding harms, as well as avoiding harms and cutting off loved ones. The speakers also emphasize the need to be careful about what comes after actions and the importance of avoiding harms and avoiding negative behavior. They end with a call to forgiveness and a request for forgiveness from Allah.
AI: Summary ©
hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa salatu salam ala and mobility
Ramadan Lila meanwhile, the early he was Safi or Baraka was seldom
at the Sleeman appear on Eli Yomi. Dean a mother,
my dear brothers and sisters, our dear friends,
we have a very short time between us and material is very short time
tomorrow, it's going to be even less time.
So, I just want to take one very small topic. It's actually a big
topic, but I'm going to cover it
very quickly. The topic is a very common issue. But I'm not sure if
it's covered directly like this, the topic is about hatred.
Hatred in Arabic is called HECT. In Arabic is called Hecht hatred.
What exactly is hatred, hatred is to harbor feelings of animosity
and contempt.
And to force oneself to consider somebody to be unbearable,
than to avoid them,
and to despise them.
So hatred are these feelings. It is a feeling of animosity in the
heart, a feeling of contempt for somebody
to force oneself to consider that somebody else is just unbearable.
And to avoid them, and to despise them.
Now, sometimes, there is a problem in the other person, which may
cause you to feel this way. But many times, there's no problem.
It's just shaytaan. And it's just bad knifes and bad opinion that is
creating this
the hater, the one who's has the hatred, he's called the hater. He
desires generally speaking, when you hate somebody you generally
desire, evil and harm for that person.
Every time you see him,
can you see how bad that is? Because if you hate another Muslim
brother,
every time you come to the masjid, and you see him, you're gonna
start hating him, you're gonna design evil for him, and you're
doing this in the masjid. If he happens to stand close to you, or
you've just seen him before you've joined the salaat, you're gonna
start feeling this in the solid as well. That's what hatred does, it
overtakes you, it overwhelms you.
So every time you see that person, or every time you think of that
person,
you will desire evil or harm for that person.
So what is the outcome of hatred?
It is haram. In most cases, it is haram. In some cases, it's not
haram. But in most cases, hatred, to have hatred for somebody to
hate somebody is haram. This is if it is not due to oppression from
that person, if somebody is oppressing you and you hate them
for that reason, then you may be justified, then it's not haram
because the person is causing you to hate them. But it's not for the
sake of oppression, but rather, due to a right or just cause on
the person you hate. Such as he commands you to do good. It tells
you good things, but you don't like it. It tells you in a nice
way as well, what most people would consider to be nice, I know
if somebody tells you in the wrong way, then I know that can turn
people off. And that's actually not right to do. If I see somebody
doing wrong, I need to be as wise as possible. In correcting that
person. I need to try to think in my heart. How can I be how can I
effectively and efficiently correct that person? Not? How can
I just say you're wrong? And you shouldn't do this and walk away?
Because that's not the point. The point is how can I change this
person? How can I make them understand?
So there's a whole step by step process to do that, which are
called the laws of armor. We'll Merovingian human car, I've got a
detailed lecture on the on zamzam. academy.com I don't want to cover
that today because we have less time. So, if it is due to
oppression from the other person, then it is not unlawful.
They are always troubling you. They always blasting the music.
They are always saying bad things to you. They're throwing rubbish
into your house, into your yard into your garden, they troubling
your family,
and so on. And so graffiti and all the rest of it. Now, while this is
justified hatred,
the higher level would be not to have hatred, even in that case.
But at least from a human being perspective, Allah has allowed
that much that if you hate somebody who oppresses you, then
you're not going to be sinful for that.
Because it's just fear. This is just
So
now
if it is due to oppression from the other person because the other
person does don't, then as I said, it is lawful, right, and it's not
haram.
Now, if he is able to take his right from that, like if somebody
is oppressing you in the sense that they have some money of
yours, some land of yours, some rights of yours, which they're not
giving to you.
Right, the inheritance was distributed. Unfortunately, many
families suffer display.
Somebody didn't distributed correctly, somebody has usurped
somebody else's rights. Or you gave somebody something to borrow,
and they haven't returned it. You've loaned somebody money. And
it's been five years, and they don't give it back to you. So
clearly, they can give it back to you. It's not that they can't,
they're not they're able to do so. But they refuse to do so. Because
they're greedy, or they just want to trouble you or something like
that. So now, this is a case where you don't like somebody because
they're withholding You're right. In some cases, some people hate
people for no reason whatsoever.
Which is the weirdest one, because the way somebody looks.
You don't like them. And you hate them. They've done nothing wrong
to you. It's just the way they look.
Maybe
they talk too loudly.
But it doesn't bother you just that you don't like them because
he talks too loudly. Or he does a lot of Punjabi.
Right? Not about you. But you know, I mean, those people
shouldn't do that anyway. But sometimes this is for no reason.
Shaytan just wants to create problems. So you don't like the
way somebody looks or where somebody lives or whatever the
case is. So you just start hating them. And then the shaytaan
creates ideas in your mind.
There's one person
he's hardly ever spoken to the other person, there's two people.
One is an imam. The other one is one of the Muslims in the masjid.
They've never spoken to each other hardly ever.
But a third person who was sitting with one of these Mussolini's one
of these members of the masjid congregation, that member was
saying that that particular individual was saying that, I
don't like the Imam, for eight reasons.
Half of them so he said, Okay, tell me what your eight reasons
are. So he mentioned it to him. Half of them were made up.
That just somebody said, so somebody mentioned something, so
he's believed it. He's never spoken to this Imam.
never spoken to this Imam. He may have just done Salah once or
twice. That's it. He's never had any conversation. Never Any
altercation. No conversation, nothing. This is what shaytan
does.
You have to be very careful why you dislike somebody? Why do
people dislike Muslims today? The Islamophobes? Do you really think
they've got something on us? Do you think that the general Muslim
they see in the street has a problem? No. It's just the media
has fed them in fed them that story. And they can't bother
people are lazy. They don't go and verify information. So they just
agree with it. It's easier to do that it's lazy. It's easier just
to Okay, fine. We hate them as well.
Especially if you've got some other reasons. This is the
difficulty. This is what human human difficulties. Now, on the
other hand, if it's because somebody has a right of yours, and
they don't give it to you. Now, you're allowed, meaning you it's
not haram to have hatred for this person.
But there's a few conditions here. In this case, as well, if you are
willing to leave your right to the day of judgment and not hate this
person and forgive this person, then that is superior.
Because it's not always tells you the better way. Wonderful. If you
forgive then it is superior for you.
Even though you've got ability now one is that you can't take your
right from this person. There's no way. Right, you're at the mercy
that in that case, it's a different issue. But if you have
the right to take it back, but you still decide, okay, I'm going to
leave it for the sake of Allah. I'm not going to do anything, then
that is a higher level. That's why he says that, that you pardon is
nearer to piety, Acropolis Taqwa. This is what Allah subhanaw taala
says in the Quran, if you're if you're not able to take your right
then you you've got no other option. Your best bet is to
actually leave it to Allah subhanaw taala anyway because
there's no point complaining about it because you can't get it
anyway. There's no way you can get it.
Now
Allah subhanho wa Taala says
A woman in tussle Robert and illumi, those who defends the one
who defends himself after having been oppressed. For such people,
there is no path to blame.
If you have been oppressed, and you try to defend yourself for
that reason, then there is no blame for that. However, defending
oneself could be more meritorious. In some cases, it's better to
defend yourself,
and to do something about it than to forgive. So while in most cases
to forgive is better, you will get more reward for it. And Allah will
raise your status. But in some cases, it's actually better to
take it all the way. And to defend yourself, why do you think that
will be the case? If this person is such that they will trouble too
many other people as well, they're going to trouble other people as
well. You've got a case on them, you should take it so that it will
stop the person from causing other people harm as well.
But if it's a small personal issue, and you know that it's not
going to affect anybody else, then it's generally better to leave it
to Allah, Allah will give you huge amounts back in return. But
sometimes, as a cure for everybody else, and to help everybody else,
you should take back revenge.
So for example, that's why he says, sometimes defending oneself
could be more rewarding than pardoning them, due to an
extraneous factor.
Such as if pardoning would lead them to more oppression, they're
only going to get more courageous to oppress people because nobody's
doing anything. Everybody's too laid back. Everybody's too scared.
This is how these extortion rackets and all of these things,
this is how they, how they grow in areas where nobody does anything.
while defending oneself could lead to its lessening, in any case, if
the oppressed one now this is what you have to be careful about when
you try to get your right back or you do something in return. You
have to
be very careful how much you take back Has anybody read the The
Merchant of Venice, Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice, the whole
story there is about how much revenge you can take somebody's
cut off this much of your limb than how you're going to
justifiably only take revenge of exactly that much, because that's
what you're allowed to do. Anything beyond that, is going to
be no excess of yours against them, before they exceeded against
you. Now, when you're taking right if somebody called you a
particular name,
a swear word, a curse and insults, you're allowed to say that same
word back. But if you said it in a worse way,
then you will be in trouble. You've just done a bit extra. So
how can you insult them in the same way?
If somebody insulted me in front of two people, but then I came
into the machine assaulted in front of 100 people, I said the
same words,
which is worse.
It depends. The 100 people may not bother. Those two people might be
very important for that person. It depends. So you never know. You
have to think about these things. That's why it's always better not
to swear, if somebody curses you, it's better to leave it to Allah
subhanho wa taala, he will deal with it. And Allah has unlimited
ways of dealing with people.
I'm sure there's lots of people who may be sitting here listening,
who have been wronged by people.
If you go and try to take revenge for everything that somebody does
wrong to us, our whole life will be spent in doing that.
It's just no point.
And you won't sleep right? It's torment of the soul. That's what
he says as well. He says,
the disasters of hatred, right, let us look at if you do have
hatred for somebody, even if it's justified, what are the disasters?
Why is it such a problem? The Disasters of hatred, meaning its
harms and evils are numerous among them are the following hatred for
somebody will cause you to be jealous of them. If anything good
happens to them, like your neighbor, or a person, you know, a
colleague at work, your brother, your cousin, your brother in law,
I don't know somebody, right? They've just got a promotion at
work. You're going to have jealousy and Jealousy is a bad
thing. So hatred leads to jealousy.
Number two
is going to lead to
I mean, the word I think it's a German term, Chardon, Fraida,
which basically means to rejoice that another's misfortune
English
doesn't have a single term for it. So we had to borrow it from
German. I think Chardon, Friday they call it. When you rejoice at
somebody else's misfortune when something bad happens, you start
laughing.
This is what Musa Lisanna when he came back, and he told his brother
how to add a Salam, why didn't you stop the people when they made
that golden calf? So his brother said,
one of the ways he told him, he responded to him, don't make
people laugh at our misfortune. Right? Like, take it easy right
now.
So you will start being pleased that their misfortune.
Now that's not allowed, even if you hate somebody, you hate them
for a particular reason. But if they have a misfortune, why should
you get happy about that, unless it's misfortune related to their
oppression? Right, it backfired, that's different, that's very
specific.
You will start shunning that person, you will start belittling
that person, when somebody talks to you about them, you will make a
face about them, you will say bad things about them, you will turn
your nose about them, or whatever the case is,
you will start lying about them. Because in order to harm them, and
you don't have enough on them, you start lying about them and making
things up about them. Now you can see where we're doing good now,
where it leads to us doing evil now.
You start backbiting them, slandering them, divulging their
secrets, which is not allowed. Yes, if it's to do with this, that
they bit, they deceive people in a particular way, they deceived you.
And that's why you don't like them. If you tell people about
that, that's allowed. But for anything else, which has got
nothing to do with this, that's not allowed. It has to be very
specific. A lot of people don't know that shaytaan leads us to
think everything is handled for you now with that person.
You will start mocking that person, you will, you could even
start harming them, scratch his car, some people are going to
scratch their car.
Some people will put in a bad word if he if you know, if he's trying
to get a job, you'll give a bad reference. Whereas the job is
completely fine. He's not harming anybody in the job. So you're not
being honest.
So you start harming him without just cause you will not fulfill
his right now what do you mean fulfill his right? What right does
he have? He could be your neighbor. He could be your
brother, it could be your sister, it could be your mother or father
or children. Unfortunately, there's probably more likelihood,
unfortunately, with some of the things that go on, that you start
hating somebody in your family.
If I if I was to tell you to raise your hand, if you've got no
problem with any of your relatives, like you have
absolutely no problem with any of your relatives, how many of you
could put your head put their hand up?
1234567 that's about 20%. Come on children. Man, you shouldn't have
a problem with your relatives. You guys are easygoing. Man.
I think that's about 20. By 20%. That means the rest of us have
some issue with with somebody, whether it's their fault, our
fault, or somebody has a problem with us. It's just really sad,
isn't it? Inshallah, this will give us a better understanding of
how and whether we should as as you can see, it's just harmful.
You won't fulfill their rights such as kinship ties, right?
You'll avoid their weddings you'll avoid when they're sick. There's
just so many things that are interlinked. That's going to cause
problems paying back debt if they if they if I owe them something,
but I don't like them. I'm not going to pay that I'm going to
mess around with my debt. Or I won't help to ward off oppression
from them. If somebody else is harming them as a Yeah, please do
it.
And that could be unjustified.
That's why there's a hadith in Sahih Muslim. The Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, when a servant pardons another,
Allah does not increase him in anything sediments is except
immense dignity. If you pardon somebody, even though you got the
ability to take revenge, Allah will increase you in dignity. And
I tell you, this is guaranteed. Allah watches everything. And if
we pardon and forgive somebody, even though we got the right to
take back revenge, Allah will honor us. And you will get back
your honor, that you feel you've lost here in much in a much better
way.
Just going back to hatred, before we talk about before we finish
off,
the worst type of hatred is between husband and wife is not
even allowed. How can you have hatred between husband and wife
You know, it is such because you're supposed to be close
together, you're supposed to live together. And forget about this
world. You're supposed to live together in Jannah.
The only person you're going to live with in Paradise is your
spouse, husband and wives are going to be together.
I got a call from somebody recently. He's about 5560 years
old. He's got old children now, Mashallah. He's probably a
grandparent, but the husband and wife hate each other, but they
live in the same house.
So I said, Okay, why don't you divorce her? Like, you know,
what's the reason? I can't divorce her because our children, we need
him. We need our children to serve us. I can't get married again. And
she can't get married again. And neither she wants a divorce. And
neither do I want a divorce.
But we can't stand one another. And our children have to be there
because they serve both of us because we're both sick and ill.
What a state. So now this was just before Ramadan, he was worried
that they're living in the same place.
So if he doesn't say salaam to and then speak to her, avoids her in
the house, then that's gonna cause big problems because one of the
things which prevent
a person's doors and
being accepted and mercy being received is when you have a
problem with somebody. That's a very evil. It's a big evil, you
don't get forgiveness.
If you're not willing to forgive somebody else and correct your
understanding with them, then why should Allah forgive us?
So
I said, Look, you just say salam.
If she hates it, that's her problem. She doesn't respond that
someone don't even look at just say, Salah Malik.
Unless you fulfill your right, because there was no other way to
get out of that. Can you live separately? No, we can't. Can you
move separately? No econ. Like it was all checkmate everywhere.
The only way was, this is how we're gonna have to do that. So
all you have to do Solomon, whether she likes it or not, maybe
Allah will open up a door.
Basically, a specific case of hatred that is specifically
cautioned against in the sacred law is between husband and wife.
There's a special emphasis that don't have hatred, because the
prophets Allah some said, Let no believing man hate a believing
woman, meaning his wife,
Leia for minimum Amina.
If he dislikes some traits in her, he should surely like another she
can't all be that no human is 100%. Bad. There has to be some
good thing. Maybe she's got a bad tongue. But maybe she cooks very
well.
If she cooks so badly, but maybe she's just such a nice person.
You know, after 1520 years of marriage,
everybody has defects right? From the beginning, everybody has
defects. But if you've managed it well, after 1520 30 years of
marriage as well, you know the weaknesses, you will be able to
overlook them.
If you see what people don't understand is they rush into these
things. They got such bad character that they have no
support, they have no patience. They're not willing to forgive and
tolerate.
So a healthy marriage is one predicted upon the prophetic ethic
of focusing on the spouses positive qualities. That's what
the professor Lawson said, if she's got a bad point, she's going
to have a good point, focus on the good ones. And don't let your
parents make you focus on the bad ones. Because a lot of the time,
it's the parents that make you focus on the bad ones. You're fine
because she's got many qualities. But because this is one quality
that she doesn't talk too much. She's introverted. Your dad
doesn't like her.
She doesn't talk. She's an introvert. What's wrong with you?
Don't you understand she's, she doesn't like talking to her. She
didn't talk to anybody.
Right?
It this is a typical day, they want somebody who's going to come
and be like them. But humans are different personalities are
different. So she's not doing anything against you, as long as
she's not shunning you, as long as she doesn't hate you, then
hamdulillah make it work. Help her open up. Don't start talking bad
to your son about her, or the mother talking to the daughter
about the husband.
Right? He doesn't come to visit enough. Right? Invite them make a
special diet.
There's ways to look at it. Moreover, Allah is fully able to
see if somebody does it the prophetic way which is to keep as
much focus on the positive qualities, then this is what's
going to happen. Allah is going to either fully diminished the
negative traits of one spouse either he will cause them to
disappear and they will be rectified or
he will remove them from your thoughts.
So either you won't be concerned about them anymore. You will find
a way to deal with them or
He will remove them completely, he will correct them. Allah has the
ability to do both. And I guarantee you after having 2030
years of a successful marriage, all the wrongs, all the
weaknesses, you don't bother about them anymore. You know how to deal
with them.
If you know that your spouse is a forgetful person, while you will
just learn to deal with that. She is so good. Otherwise, he's so
good otherwise, okay, he's got that why should I keep nagging
about that? Okay, if you nag once in a while, as a human being,
that's understandable, may Allah forgive, and the spouse he should
forgive.
But this is wonderful, isn't it that if you focus on the
positives, Allah subhanaw taala will either make you blind to the
negatives or he will correct the negatives from the baraka of it
because Allah wants husband and wives to be together. And that's
why he said, you're going to be together in gymnotus. Well, I just
was worried about this guy who called me you know, the one in the
same house. What are you going to do in general?
Right, what are you going to do in general, if you hate us so much
right now? Well, there Allah Tala removes all the hatred from the
hearts Anyway, before you go in gender. There's the extractor.
Right before you go in gender, there's the extractor it removes
all of the hatred and jealousy and everything.
Otherwise, you know, the men or promise more than one women will
never be able to deal with that. But there is no jealousy in
paradise. It's extracted. If you want to go to Paradise, you have
to go through this extractor. You can't have jealousy in paradise.
May Allah bless them, may Allah bless them and bless all of us in
our marriages. That's why the most powerful supplication and dua for
your husband and wife relationship believe me this is works miracles
is Robina Hublin. I mean, as well as in our the reality now Kurata
Jana is mata ki mama, keep reading this. If you've got problems with
your spouse and you don't make any dua, maybe that's your problem.
The DUA is our Lord grant us spouses and children that are
delighted for our eyes. This is from the Quran. Robina habla Minh
as Virgina was to react in Kurata Aryan which Anna Lee mustafina II
mama that's an additional bonus. Oh Allah make from our spouses and
children, those that are delight for our eyes and make us Imams of
the mata ki make us leaders of the righteous people.
So wonderful doorbell is one of my favorite doors. Because you want
to you want to preserve your children. You want to preserve
your spouse and you want the best for them. Ask Allah with a Quranic
dua. Everybody should do this and inshallah they will have so
husband and wife hatred is not something you can even think
about. Because you're there every day. You're sharing a bed, you're
sharing the room, you're sharing everything.
Okay.
Sheikh Mustafa Larose, he comments that off the diseases of the soul?
Is hatred for the one who harms it
followed by desiring harm to befall that person, finding
pleasure in their misfortune, which I mentioned already. The
cause of this disease is the souls ignorance of its Lord. Why do you
hate people? Generally, it's because we're ignorant of our own
Lord insofar as it sees actions as emanating from the other person.
This is a bit deep in the sense that if we understand Allah, that
he is behind everything, then if there's somebody who's doing
something bad to you, we will know that there's a reason why Allah
wants this to happen. So we will now remove the hatred from that
person and hatred will be diffused, will think, okay, there
must be a grand plan here, I need to deal with this.
This is deep. I mean, this is deep. This is complicated, but
it's quite easy to understand once you get into the mode of it. If
you focus on Allah, then you know that there's Allah has something
in store here.
Indeed, the heart is Adam. You see, the problem with the heart is
that he wants instant victory. This prevents it from witnessing
Allah's hand in this right, because all harm is decreed by
Allah as well, just like all good is decreed by Allah. So such a
person's heart remained steadfast and determined on exacting
vengeance. And this is what you call hatred.
And
the problem is, that aside from being sinful and a vile illness,
hatred, it is a torment of one's own soul. You're going to trouble
it, the other person may not even be troubled. He's only going to
troll when you do something to them. But otherwise 24 hours,
you're going to be in trouble. Every time you see him. You're
going to be in trouble. He may not even notice because he may be
easy. What is it? Easy going, right? Go lucky. He doesn't care
you
I hate him. So you're harmed and he's not harmed.
So, the perpetual stress and anxiety
is very detrimental to a person and it provides no benefit at all.
Neither in this life, neither in the hereafter it's not worth it.
We ask Allah subhanaw taala to purify our hearts. Just like this
is the month to purify our sins, our wrongdoings our wrong
addictions, gain control of our enough's. We ask Allah subhana wa
Taala also to not make us so sensitive, to remove that
sensitivity that we hold grudges forever. We keep remembering
things forever, and just torment ourselves. We want that Allah
subhanaw taala allow us to leave the matters to him.
That we leave the matters to Allah subhanho wa Taala Allah deals with
it is much better to outsource all of our matters to Allah subhanho
wa Taala he does it for free, and he does it much more effectively
than any of us can ever do it. So we ask Allah subhana wa Tada for
Tofik Allahu Allah and the Santa Monica salon to work the other
jewelry with Quran Allah homea hydro yaka Yun Mirotic and Asami
Allahu Mejia Hannah yum and Isla Subhan Allah in the Quran I mean
allottee mean Allahumma fildena What ahem now our NFE now what had
been our
Allah who may now narrow the becoming a ship of the one he felt
he was so ill o'clock. Oh Allah, this is the month of your mercy,
month of your forgiveness of Allah we ask You for Your forgiveness of
Allah, we ask You for Your Mercy. We ask You for Your blessings of
Allah forgive all of those sins that we've done, whenever we have
done them whether we remember them or not, Oh Allah, we ask you
especially forgiveness from those sins that bring misery into our
lives and our homes, that turns people against one another that
creates ill will and hatred between us of Allah that removes
the baraka from us, that removes the blessings from our home and
brings about darkness. Oh Allah, we ask you forgiveness, especially
for those sins that we have made part of our life and no longer do
we even consider them to be wrong anymore. Oh Allah, we ask you for
understanding and discernment. purify our hearts and cleanse our
hearts. Oh Allah grant us your love and the love of those whose
love benefits as in your court. Oh Allah if we have problems with
anybody, allow us to rectify them in this world of Allah before the
day comes when we will have to pay with our deeds, or we will be
lumbered with their sins if we don't have enough deeds of Allah,
what will we be doing on that day of Allah allow us to rectify
ourselves from both Tohoku cola and Coca Cola rebirth and in this
life of Allah, allow us to become discerning individuals, or protect
us from oppressing others and protect us from being oppressed by
others. protect us from slipping ourselves and causing others to
slip. Oh Allah, protect us from deviating and causing others to
deviate. Oh Allah this month of Ramadan make better than any month
of Ramadan before it. Oh Allah make us closer to you during this
month of Ramadan than we've ever been before. But Allah above all,
allow us to remain close to you even after the month of Allah.
We ask that you writers to be freed from hellfire in these
nights of Ramadan so that we never become eligible for Hellfire
again, oh Allah writers to be decreed of paradise. Oh Allah
bless all of us and bless the muslimeen around the world and
bring back humanity to the human beings. Oh Allah, we ask that you
send your abundant blessings on our messenger Muhammad sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam that you grant us his company in the hereafter
Subhan Allah because Allah is that the Amna Yasi fullness Allah when
Allah Marcelino Al Hamdulillah