Abdur Rahman ibn Yusuf Mangera – Fulfilling the Sexual Needs of Marriage
AI: Summary ©
The importance of sexual satisfaction in marriage is discussed, including issues of sexual fulfillment and problems of sexual satisfaction in couples. The speaker emphasizes the need for men to fulfill their sexuality before the marriage is complete, as it is harmful to their spouse's desire. The challenges of men fulfilling their sexuality before their partner's spouse finishes, and advice is given on how to handle their behavior. The importance of not feeling like going to work in the morning and not feeling like going to work in the night is also emphasized.
AI: Summary ©
What I want to mention is that some husbands or some wives, they,
they don't allow the other one to do something halal.
If it's halal you want, especially when it comes to sexual intimacy
and so on, you should be open about this. So, I guess moving on
to a different subject, slightly different subject, the importance
of sexual intimacy and sexual fulfillment in a marriage is can
cannot be emphasized enough. There are so many cases where there are
problems between husband and wife. And generally, the problems that
mentioned to you is that you know what, he always leaves his socks
laying around, he doesn't clean up afterwards, he is he says this to
me, he says that to me, or he's complaining about her that she
acts like this, and she acts like that.
Those are all symptoms, they all the surface issues. A lot of the
time when you have to listen to somebody, you have to realize that
the core issues will be a few. Otherwise, the top issues they
start on the other day are all because of a core issue. And
sometimes in many cases, the core issue could be his stingy, money
issues, or his violent. Number three, he is cannot fulfill her
sexually.
Or she doesn't fulfill him secretary.
I'm being very clear about this. It is so important. Now for a man
to be sexually fulfilled. It's easy, right? Because it's quite a
straightforward linear process. But with women, it's more
complicated. And a lot of men don't understand that they don't
understand a woman's sexuality at all. They think it's like a man's.
So all they focus on is their own sexuality, their own fulfillment.
Whereas if you look at the Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu sallam,
and the suggestion by the OMA
they make it very clear, you know, the West.
They've only understood in many cases, female sexuality, everybody
knew male sexuality, but female sexuality in the last 5060 years.
It sounds mind boggling. But seriously, they've only understood
in the face. I mean, women used to go 1920s 30 days to go to the
doctor for anxiety problems.
And how
the doctors used to use their fingers, not in a sexual way, but
basically to relieve their frustration. And this was not this
was a task. It was not like some kind of sexual thing. This was a
task. So they invented this thing to make their job easier. And now
it becomes a * toy.
They just didn't know that female sexuality is. I mean, I hope I'm
not wrong about this, but it was discovered 1940s and 50s. As to
what exactly is it and so on. In Islam. This was clear from before
in our tradition, you've got books on * education, in Arabic and so
on. Ibnu Sina and all these other people, they women section is very
clear. I mean, I'll get I'll show you.
Here you go. This is ignore Kodama al bhakti. See, a great humbly
scholar who died in 1223. That's 800 years. Ibnu. Kodama. Al
makdisi, in his book called Al Morgagni. Famous famous book on
thick right 620 Hijiri. Right. 1400 way now, long time ago. This
is where he writes. It is preferable to enjoy foreplay with
his wife before sexual penetration to arouse her desire, so that she
receives a similar pleasure to him from the *. It is related
from Omar Abdulaziz that the Prophet sallallahu sallam said, do
not make love to her until she has experienced desires similar to
what you have. Let's do climax before she does.
Those who are not married, you can maybe leave. Right because this is
serious stuff. Right? This is all in the book, but I've some some
readers before I published they said this may be sensitive for
some non married couples and unmarried people. So I put a
disclaimer there that but it's in the books, it's in the books of
Islam. Right and you're mature enough. You should know this so
you don't make this mistake.
I asked Is that on me? Like is that the man is asking is that my
responsibility to make her satisfied?
He said yes, you should kiss her feel her with your hands and touch
her. When you feel that she is aroused as you as you then you
should make love to her. Then if no Kodama continues later on, he
says, if he finishes before she does, it is undesirable for him to
withdraw from her until she finishes to
based on what is related from Annecy below Malika deonda The
Messenger of Allah Subhan Allah
Why you some set? Now this is a Hadith that's related in the
Muslim Abuja Allah. He said, When a person makes love to his wife,
he should do so well with sincerity, which means affection,
compassion, love. If he does fulfill his desire before she
fulfills hers, he should wait until she finishes. That's the end
of the Hadith then ignore Kodama carries on he says, also because
it is harmful to her and prevents her from fulfilling her desire.
Can you see how clear and explicit This is in our tradition?
The West only got this in the 1950s 70s, or whatever it is. And
they've just taken it to a different limit now, because
they're still, you know, exploring the beginnings of it. They haven't
had the test in Islam. We've had this from before. But
unfortunately, not all Muslim men know this, which is a problem.
And men should notice this is part of it, because they're these cases
I've dealt with and the frustration is sexual.
Because one side generally,
if the man is
I wasn't sure if I was going to do this session here, but I guess,
came about, and I hope it's useful Inshallah, right? Generally, from
the man's perspective, he's just inconsiderate. And I think the
rule of thumb is very simple.
Make sure that she finishes before you do.
Simple, because when a man finishes, then he can't carry on.
But when a woman finish she can still carry on. That's the
sexuality of men, women. All right.
There's lots of studies on this. There's lots of studies I can't go
into all right now because that's not the point we'll have to do a
special session for that, right. But from the woman's perspective,
the challenges is, when she has a child, then she gets put off
because her a lot of fatigue, a lot of tiredness, a lot of focus
is now focused on the child. One woman just asked me a question.
Last few weeks ago, when you had a session with just women, she said
my husband was asking for it five times. I've just had a child, he's
asking five times a week.
My first question is like, what are you feeding him? Right.
But basically, the advice I gave, because a lot of women they feel
that, especially when you get caught up in this whole western
idea that
rights and all that everything else,
what you have to understand is that you don't have to have full
penetrative satisfaction. If you're not able to talk to your
husband, and say, look, it's difficult for me, I you know, I'm
just just not in the mode, right now. Use other means to satisfy.
And if you have that kind of illness, when it comes to
sexuality, you should have a conversation.
It's difficult to have that conversation. But husband should
have that conversations with their wives in whatever easiest way they
can get them a book maybe or something. And the wife should
have that conversation with the husband, be upfront about your
issues. Otherwise, it just leads to a lot of frustration. So many
marriages are on the rocks because of this frustration, but they
can't voice it.
They can't voice it. So make sure that that doesn't happen,
especially after children, a lot of women, they say we just don't
feel like it. The advice my wife provides a simple set, you don't
feel like going to work in the morning. If you have children, you
don't feel something you just saw that you don't feel like getting
them ready and taking them to school, if that's your
responsibility. But once you get up and you get into it, you can
start even enjoying the act. So basically, the idea is that if you
just have this attitude is not it's my right not to, I've got a
right to say no, then you're not going to satisfy because you have
to remember that advice is for women, you have to remember for a
man, when he wants it, he wants it.
And if you don't give it to him, he's gonna go somewhere else. Not
necessarily he will go somewhere else, but he's going to start
looking elsewhere. And that is why Allah understands that. That's why
he suggested that the one law is that the wife should never refuse.
Of course, he should be considered if she's totally sick and so on.
If she can refuse in that case, no doubt about it. But if she can,
she needs to.
As long as the husbands also consider it, you may not feel like
you may not feel like it in the first place. But you can get
yourself involved and enjoy it. If you look at it too far towards it
as a sacred enjoyable act. Then even when you don't feel like you
may feel like it sometimes it's difficult to stop pray to pray.
But you know, you have to pray. So what do you do you make will do
and then you get into it, and you start praying. So okay, that's
what I'm gonna say. Hopefully that's enough.