Abdul Nasir Jangda – Mind The Gap Improving Family Relations Abdelrahman Murphy

			hamdulillahi Rabbil alameen wa salatu salam ala shuffle and we are Muslims in the Muhammad. Allah He
was meant to be sent to Medina about oberholzer. All right, I'm sorry, again for the delay. We had
some issues with transportation. But I'm glad we got them all figured out. And we're here safely.
Ready to have this awesome discussion in sha Allah. The title of tonight's talk is called Mind the
Gap.
		

			How to Improve family relations? When I say the title, Mind the Gap, what is the first thing that
comes to your mind about this speech? Raise your hand, let us know. What do you think let's make
this more discussion. Indian while you're smiling.
		

			Okay. Anyone have any suggestions? When I say Mind the Gap? When I talk about family generation gap?
What are some issues that come to mind?
		

			Yeah, and you know, we already made our context. So you got to do it.
		

			cultural gap? What do you mean by that?
		

			Okay, so parents might maybe were not born in the same culture as the kids were? Let me ask you
something, does that mean that the parents had to have been born in a different country? No, right,
because their culture changes from time to time, right? In the 1950s, United States culture was very
different than it was now. So maybe if parents were born a while back, it's still the United States,
maybe even in Knoxville, Tennessee, they The Times may have changed so much that they might not be
able to understand the struggles or the lifestyles that their kids are having or going through.
Okay. So when we talk about minding the gap, the general idea of the speech is to discuss the
		

			disconnect, right? A lot of times, a lot of youth will come to me and ask to say, you know, my
parents, it's just, I just feel like they don't get me, I feel like there's just some sort of
disconnect. I feel like they don't understand me. And this is a very, very big problem. And a lot of
parents will come and say, I'm trying to understand my kids, I'm trying to, to know what they want.
I'm trying to take care of them, but also be good with them. But they just don't seem to give me the
chance, right. And so there's a there's a large disconnect, maybe not all the time, but at times,
and this can cause really, really large problems. And the reason why this is an important topic in
		

			Islam is a few reasons. The first is because the relationship in the home, the relationship between
family members will often dictate the relationship that one has with Allah, right. So if one person
has a tough relationship with their parents, or with their siblings, or with their spouse, as we
said, in the session last night, you should have the natural saying, and sort of bucha in the middle
of a passage that's talking about divorce, and dealing with divorce and marriage. Allah spawn, tada
tells the people protect and watch over your prayers, right? Watch over your prayers. Because
oftentimes, when people are having interpersonal relationship issues, it can affect your
		

			relationship with Allah. So this topic is very serious, right? And you meet sometimes people who
are, quote, unquote, religious or whatever you want to insinuate by that word, but they often
sometimes neglect their families, right? Some sometimes even very large speakers at large
conferences, their their children themselves often say like, I can't, I can't even talk to my dad,
or I can't even speak to my mom. Right? So it's become a huge issue. And we have to address it
because it affects the men of our families, right? The amount of our families, maybe we're living in
a large house, we have a nice, nice job from the law, good career, our kids are getting good grades,
		

			but the spiritual state of our family is crumbling. And that's because we're not taking care of
bridging this gap connecting these two pieces that are disconnected. The second point is because of
the topic or the the reason why it's important is because of the content tonight that I'm going to
talk about. And this is the only portion of my speech, Allah smart Allah in the Quran and source of
Islam. He has a couple of ads that give us a guideline of bridging the gap between parents and kids.
And this advice that Allah is giving is mainly to the youth to the kids. Right? And it's interesting
because Allah subhanaw taala says, He says, Don't commit shirk with me, right? He says that we've
		

			commanded you not to associate partners myself. And then right after that, he says, will bill Wiley
Dania Santa so it's interesting because Allah subhanaw taala is telling all of all of mankind or all
of the believers at this point, he's saying don't associate any partners with me. What is that in
Arabic? What's the term for associating partners with Allah?
		

			What is it this is very very scary if we don't know this what is this what's the term should look
right? What is the number one sin that any human being can commit? shared right when you give the
rights of a lot to something else, right oftentimes when I say shift, the first thing that comes in
our mind is like a person bobbing towards like an idol or like some sort of like stone or something
right? But should it can be done with things other than idols right? Maybe it can be done with
American Idol if you're watching American Idol instead of praying Muslim and you miss monk or prayer
then that's literally become an idol. Right? So we have to be careful not to think that shear can
		

			only take place when we're actually bowing towards stones. No, it's not just like that should
happens when we neglect a Las Palmas odda for something else that is
		

			not greater than him, right. And by default, nothing is greater than him. So that's that's that's
the definition of shift. So a lot smarter than this idea. He's warning and shift he says, do not
commit shift. don't associate partners with me and worship me alone. What bill o'reilly Dania Santa.
So immediately after the first and most important tenet of this faith, Allah says, What? and be the
best you can to your parents? This shows us the importance, right? How close the two things are, if
we're running an event, right, we had this event here tonight, and we're organizing it and we're
setting things up. And the most important thing about the event is getting the speakers here on
		

			time, right? Everyone who was here waiting for a while is like, Yeah, right, right. But the most
important thing is getting speakers on time. If I told him, I said, we need to get the speakers here
on time. And we need to make sure that the microphone is plugged in. Right? It shows you that that
microphone being plugged in is also very important, because it's so close to the other thing that's
very important. So when we take a look at this idea, we realize that being good to our parents, is
not just some sort of like extra credit, it's not something that you can do on the on the weekdays
or part time is something that we have to strive for. Because without doing it, our faith is not
		

			complete. Right. Our faith is not complete. And that's what Les Paul tells us. He says we've been
well he didn't understand what is a sand mean? Can someone defined for me?
		

			excellence who said, excellence What is? What do you mean by excellence? I'm not sure experience.
		

			Okay, do something that Allah would want you to do. But what if I did it? Like? What if I was like,
Alright, I'm gonna pray.
		

			So his accent? Okay, what's sad?
		

			of your ability? Right? You very good. Exactly. So send Allah spawn, tada is telling you, he's
saying, Be the best you possibly can to your parents. Right? And what's interesting here is that
Allah subhanaw taala didn't say what he didn't say by your parents at Gucci handbag. Right? He
didn't say by your parents or brand new Corvette, or he didn't say cleaned the house for your
parents? What did he say? He said, Be the best you can to your parents. And we take a lesson here.
That's very interesting. Is that are any of our parents, right? for young people? Are our parents,
our friends, parents? Are they the same? No, they're not right? Like our parents want something. And
		

			maybe our friend's parents want something completely different. So Allah subhanaw taala didn't tell
us a specific thing to give to your parents. He didn't say for your parents make sure that you buy
them a brand new sofa? No, he didn't say that. He said, Be the best you can to your parents. Why?
Because that's showing that you have to get to know your parents. If you don't know your parents,
how can you be the best to them? Once you get to know your parents, you know that their likes and
dislikes, then you can be the best you can to them. So in this command allows it you know, he's
intuitively saying, Get to know your parents right. Now, the question is, when you say what will
		

			validate is another question comes up, how do I do this? Right? I'm trying. And oftentimes young
people come to me and they say whether Murphy like my parents, I don't know how to make them happy.
Have any of you ever felt like that with your parents Raise your hand.
		

			You're like, I don't know what I can do to make them happy. I try my best, but they just they're not
happy with me. Right. And this is a very, very common problem. And a lot of it deals with
communication issues. But this gives us some tips, it gives us some tips, it gives us a a five step
plan to take care of this problem. The first tip that it gives us
		

			is not to talk back. Right? So when we deal with our parents as young people, it says not to give
them any sort of like negative words or just talk back to them last month, as well as lahoma. Often,
he says and do not say to them off, right off in the Arabic language is how many letters?
		

			two letters, right shapes? Are there any words that are one letter in every language? No. So if it's
two letters, it's the smallest possible word that could possibly be formed in the Arabic language,
right? oath is the size, the smallest possible size of a word that can be formed in the Arabic
language? You know, the beautiful part about this is a last proton. I didn't say he didn't say to
you, he said, Don't say to them, oh, go away. Leave me alone. No, he said simply never even say to
your parents. He said don't even say to your parents, the smallest amount of disrespect that is
humanly possible. So what about the big levels of disrespect? Allah subhanaw taala is taking it down
		

			to the lowest common denominator. He's saying, Listen, don't worry about all these fights and
arguments and phrases. Try not even to say to your parents off what's the smallest smallest
disrespect that anyone can give. Don't even do that.
		

			Don't even do that. Let me ask you though, let's say that we work on this. And as young people we
don't we don't talk back to our parents. We don't say, oh, fright or anything else. I don't know if
is a common American phrase like, Oh, right. Let's say something smells bad, or I don't know what's
going on, right? It's not a very common phrase. But let me ask you something. If you don't say off
to your parents, or you don't, or you don't talk back to them, can you still not be treating them?
Well? How so? z? Oh, is it? also one of you gotta answer.
		

			Very good. Excellent. So we can keep going, right? We don't wanna go too far, because, but you can
ignore them. So maybe you walk into your house, and your parents are like, how's it going? And
normally, you're like, oh, and you just walk away. Right?
		

			Right. But maybe now you read this verse, and you're like, Okay, okay. Okay. I know, I'm not gonna
say often you walk in and they say, like, oh, how you doing? You say, I'm fine. He's walk away, slam
the door. Is that considered loving and respectful to parents?
		

			parents? Is that loving or respectful? Is that what you expect all day, you're waiting all day for
your beautiful son or daughter to get home from school. So you can talk to them, take them shopping,
buy them anything they want on Black Friday, and you say, how are you? And they say, Fine, and they
walk away?
		

			No, that's why Allah subhanaw taala. He takes it a step further. So the first advice is what don't
say. Don't say, very good. The second advice is when I say don't you say okay? The second advice is,
don't repel them. Don't push them away.
		

			Don't push them away. Right? Because you might not say off to them. But when you when you speak to
them, or your body language, the way that you react to them physically, might still push them away.
Have you guys ever been in a situation where the way someone was even sitting or looking at you made
you not want to be around them? So someone's clearly upset with you. And they're staring at you,
you're like, sounds like I'm there. Like, and you like don't want to be around them. Because you're
like, oh, cuz it's kind of weird. Like this body language is like coming off really odd. Right? So
when we deal with our parents, we might not say negative things to them, we might not talk back or
		

			say off even. But the way in which we look at them the way which we have our body language to them,
the way in which we interact with them might repel them. And the last point on this is don't do
this. Don't repel your parents don't push them away. Right? So Allah is giving us a training guide,
step by step on how to how to fulfill. Right. Let me ask you another question. Right? And the answer
is going to be yes. But let me just ask you another question. Can you not say off and not give them
body language, but still, at the same time not be like loving?
		

			It's possible. So you might control your body language, you might try to walk very respectfully. You
might not talk back to them. But at the same time, if you don't talk to your parents, it's kind of
it's kind of a difficult situation, right? True. Right? True. It's rude, right? Exactly. It can be
rude and parents can see that as rude. And we have a parent who's testifying right here that it can
be considered rude.
		

			Let me tell you something. And I've said this before in speeches, but this is the truth. When we are
all younger as younger people when we are young you guys just see showing up the Nasser's daughter
in fact, you don't even have to see her you'll know when she gets here that she's here. Why are you
here? Abu Abu Abu Abu speaking right now can you stop singing a boo her? No, she's cute though. But
his kids Mashallah, when you see them with him? What are they always doing to you constantly,
they're chatting you up? Right? Like never stopping? Right? Yeah, like you can't give them a cell
phone. It's gonna be difficult issues on your phone bill, right?
		

			Your kids are always talking to you and parents when your kids were younger. Did they ever stop
talking to you? It's like they wanted to tell you what their whole world was like. Right? So when we
were younger, we got back from school. We're in third grade. We're like, yeah, mom school was fun. I
had a cookie. I eat that sandwich. I eat that crayon. You ate the what? So you hit the crowd, like,
yeah, hit the crowd. It was good. Green. Right?
		

			You just keep talking, talking, talking. You tell them everything. Everything about your day, I saw
a bird on a tree that I saw the cat that I saw on the grass. And I saw this is and the parents ears
are just like, oh man so much, but they love you so much. They have so much love for you that every
word that's coming out of your mouth, even though they're tired, they've had a long day. They love
hearing you talk to them. Now imagine that you have this kind of relationship with your parents. You
can't stop talking to them, right? You're a chatterbox. You love talking to your parents for like
years and years and years. Then all of a sudden you hit the seventh grade and you come home and
		

			they're expecting their son to come home from the first day seventh grade. And like mom in middle
school is awesome, right? But instead the son comes home and mom's like, how baby how's your day and
he goes fine. Leave me alone. You never understand me, right?
		

			I know tweet about you can't stand this house. Want to move out. I can take care of myself. Right?
Can I have allowance now? Right?
		

			So like years and years and years of like the kids can't stop telling their parents right. about
their day about their night about everything. Always always talking to the parents. Right. Look what
I did. Look what I did. Right like you
		

			stained the carpet with ketchup. That's not something to be proud of. Look, I stained it right? And
then as soon as you hit like 12, or 13 or 14, then all of a sudden we're too cool. To cool to talk
to our parents. It's embarrassing. So I'm going to drop you off at school. No, no, my friend will do
it. Don't drop me off, please. I was gonna make fun of me. Right? So last point, Allah says, The
next advice, he says, and speak with your parents or speak with them. words that are caring, that
are generous and kind. And something that just people enjoy, right? Speak to your parents words that
are getting. So the first step is don't talk back, don't say. The second one is, don't have bad body
		

			language, don't walk around, like, Oh my god, I can't like, right. And the third one is, once you
reach this level of you're not talking back and you're not having bad body language, then approach
your parents, talk to them. Ask them how's your day, honestly, ask your parents stories about their
childhood, and you'll have the opposite problem, your parents won't be able to stop talking, right?
I wouldn't ask my dad and my dad is a little bit older. And I asked him about like his college years
and stuff like that, I got the full biography like I could have, like, seriously, it was very long,
right. But the reality of the situation was that when I approached my parents, or when any of us
		

			approach our parents with kind words that are loving, then the relationship will just bloom, it will
just blossom, right? And all those difficulties that we have with our parents might just disappear,
right? These are devices from Allah, and Allah created us and he created our parents. So he knows
exactly the solutions to the problems that we have. So that's the third step. The fourth step now,
I'm sorry, I said five steps was four steps to achieve a son with parents to bridge this gap.
		

			The fourth step is this. And this is a huge test to see a lot of us we try to pride ourselves on
being good children, right? Even if a lot of us have problems or maybe fights with our parents. And
by the way, having this disputes and fights with with with your parents and your children is normal
profit. We're here all day, Sam, had a big issue with his parents, right? prophet prophet newer,
right, he had issue with his son, right? It's even even the NBA had family issues that they had to
deal with. And we learned from those issues. So having disputes with their parents is not in and of
itself. Bad. But it's how we treat those disputes. It's how we try to resolve those disputes. That
		

			is important, right? And so less powerful. That gives us the final step, the final step to see if we
are good to our parents, good children. And the last part Allah says
		

			he says that, and when you when they when he's talking about specifically when they reach older age,
but this is showing up in Alaska was saying like, that's just like the bar. So imagine if they're if
they're your parents aren't as old, right? Imagine if they aren't as old but alas, montado.
Specifically here he mentions if they reach older age, not to treat them with this native
characteristics. And he also says Finally, the final step is that you make do out for them. And the
specific drop that you make is Rob Burnham, Houma, come out, obey any ciliata and this is a very
powerful.
		

			So last point, Allah says the final step to see if you're a good child to see if you're someone who
is really doing assent to their parents, is that you make this drop or you say, oh, Allah. Yeah,
Rob, are a bit hemangioma, have mercy on both of them, those two cannot be any saphira. Just like,
when they raised me, they had mercy on me when I was small. Right. And we talked about this a lot.
Sometimes it might hold up sometimes in just regular talks, that oftentimes as young ages, we can't
remember the mercy that our parents had for us, right? Like Ayesha is two years old right now. He is
two years old, from from now for, from the beginning of her life till now, she might not remember
		

			anything that you know, that you and you and your wife have done for her. Right. And I don't think I
have any specific memories that are like sticking out in my mind of things that my mom or dad did
for me when I was younger, right? When I was two years old, maybe like once you hit the age of like
four or five, you start remembering things like vividly. But when you're really young, and you're
the most fragile, and you're in your infancy, and your parents take care of you to every degree,
right? Like if you're at a restaurant, and that kid is crying and the kid starts you know, whatever,
maybe something has caught in his mouth and the parents are like going in there trying to fish the
		

			potato chip out with their fingers. And it's like really awkward. Like I was at tomato, one of the
two of my friends and my friend and his wife, and their son was there and his son, their son is two
years old. He just turned two. And he just he was hungry, I guess. And so he grabbed all these
potato chips. And he was tomato had they had the thick potato chips or kettle chips. Not easy for
kids to chew.
		

			So he grabbed it from his mom's plate and took it and just shove them all in his mouth right like he
was one of those like squirrels look, while he's just waiting, and we're all just staring at him
like Oh God, like something's gonna happen. Cuz kids I don't know if you know this but younger kids,
they had this like lock jaw thing that when they don't want to open their mouth, they will not open
their mouth right?
		

			You can take like an industrial construction plier. And like, they'll be like, boom, and then like
bend it right. So the parents start trying to reach my friend and his wife start trying to reach in
the in Abdullah, his name is Abdullah. It tried to reach out, build his mouth and take out the
chimneys like.
		

			And then all of a sudden his face like tenses up. And his cheeks start getting like pale, because
He's choking. Right? And he tries to open his mouth, but there's so much food in there that he can't
even open his mouth.
		

			And all of a sudden, instantly, his mom and his dad start going nuts. Right? They only know this kid
for two years now, right? But their love for Him, they just going nuts. My friend gets up his chair
falls down his wife gets up is literally like trying to like pry the kid's mouth open and like reach
in there, like fish it out. Because he's so fragile, that even a potato chip, right? The only other
person I've heard this happened to is George Bush, right. But even a potato chip could have taken
his life away.
		

			And you know what the sad thing is, when Abdullah hits 16, or 17, or 18, and he tells his parents,
you don't understand me. You don't do anything for me. Right? Maybe he won't say to them, but he'll
think that when he gets angry, he might not remember the time that he was choking on that potato
chip and tomato head in Knoxville, Tennessee, and his parents were going crazy trying to get it out
and save his life. He won't remember that. So this draw is particularly powerful, because you're
admitting you're admitting the fact that your parents when you were younger, and you can't remember
anything they did for you. They were merciful for you why the evidence of that is that you're here
		

			today.
		

			The evidence of your parents mercy upon you when you were younger, is that you're sitting here alive
today. Because if your parents didn't have mercy on you, it wouldn't have changed that diaper. They
wouldn't have fed you on time, they wouldn't have given you naptime. You wouldn't have become a
nice, young, healthy person like you are today.
		

			And so that draw is forcing the human being to admit at one point I was helpless, and my parents
helped me. So Oh Allah when my parents become helpless help them. And that's the beauty of this
draw. So when a lot of tells us and tells us the command, he says Be the best you can do your
parents. He gives us four steps. First step, don't talk back. I know it's so difficult. I know. It's
so tough. Trust me. Trust me. I used to call you on the phone like literally like, Oh my God. When I
was still in Chicago, I'm and I love my mom beyond belief. Like, a lot like my mom is the reason I'm
anything, right? Clearly. I mean all the biology majors like duh, like she gave birth to you like I
		

			know that. Okay? pre med students, literalist.
		

			No, but my mother and my father, like, obviously, any Claire that I have, that I have inside of me
comes from people who are around me, and they start with my mom and my dad. Right. But my mom, my
mom and I, I don't know if any, are any of you Egyptian?
		

			Yeah, you know, Egyptian moms. They're serious, right? Or even North African, right? Egyptian or
Algerian or Libyan or Moroccan. It's North African parents are serious, right? And, and sometimes
it's not that easy to get along, right? Because we're all we all have strong heads. And we like it
our way. And the young people like it too. And I tell this story, but I tell it all the time. So I
can reminder, I can remind everyone that like I could not wait to move out. When I was getting when
I finally graduated, and I was getting job offers from here and there and I was going to Dallas for
that one year that I was there. May Allah forgive me.
		

			And I and I finally moved to Dallas. The whole ride down was my friends. I was like, yeah, I'm out
of the house. Or I'm a real man, right? Can we go by dinner by myself? Right? Watch a movie by
myself. Like all these things. That night, I was on the living room floor, my apartment crying like
a baby. calling my mom saying I miss you. Right? And I only spent 37 hours away from her. Right? I
was like I missed the cushy mo I miss the falafel.
		

			Who's gonna cook for me? I looked at I looked in the cupboard. There's no cups. There's no plates.
Where do you get that stuff anyways? Right?
		

			It's so obvious how fragile we become. So Allah subhanaw taala says, Don't say, Oh, and I know it's
tough because trust me, I have a North African mom. I know it's tough. But you got to bite that
tongue. Right? You got to bite it because you don't want to answer for it on the day judgment. The
second tip after not talking back, is to give a positive presence in the home. There was one young
man who came to me and said my parents, they always bothered me. They always do this. They always do
that. They never let me they never trust me all this all the problems that any youth might have.
They named it and then I went to his mom and asked him I said, What's the deal? Right? What's the
		

			deal? And she said, you know, we never see him when he's home.
		

			He's home, he goes straight to his room. He locks the door. The only time I see him is when he comes
out and gets food he goes back to his room.
		

			Right? Have a positive presence. Make sure that your body language at home is not hostile. Make sure
it's merciful and open. Right? Because as soon as your as soon as your body language gets hostile or
concerned or worried, trust me, your parents know exactly what's going on and they feel for you and
they get upset. So you don't want to have that the third is to engage them in good conversation as
tough
		

			It might be I know that you might not have anything in common, right? But you got to try it, you got
to do something, right? That's part of it's part of being a mersin it's part of having a sense is
that no matter what you try your best because you're doing it for the sake of Allah and the fourth
and final is that when your parents aren't there, right you don't do when your mom walks in the room
your mom walks you know what I've been home home and come out obey anti Soviet All right, look at
your mom. You do it when no one's there. You do it when your parents fell asleep or when they're on
vacation, or obviously the most ultimate is when they passed away. You continue to make them out for
		

			your parents when they're not there. That's the true test of whether or not you were doing send to
your parents and trust me this gap that we're talking about the bridge that's broken between parents
and siblings if these four steps are followed and tried at your best I promise you or your money
back right keep my you didn't pay anything right?
		

			Then inshallah your relationship and the gap will be closed to their parents. I asked Allah Spano,
tala to allow us to be mindful and to follow what has been said and what has been heard. inshallah,
if I made any mistakes or for myself, if anything is Claire's from a restaurant Tada. So panicle
humble Be humble. Actually the one la isla hella and stuff protocol with x&y
		

			become a nice, young, healthy person like you are today.
		

			And so that draw is forcing the human being to admit, at one point I was helpless, and my parents
helped me. So Oh Allah when my parents become helpless help them. And that's the beauty of this
draw. So when a lot of tells us and tells us the command, he says, Be the best you can do your
parents. He gives us four steps. First step, don't talk back. I know it's so difficult. I know. It's
so tough. Trust me. Trust me. I used to call you on the phone like literally like, Oh my God. When I
was still in Chicago, and I love my mom beyond belief, like hums a lot. Like my mom is the reason
I'm anything, right? Clearly, I mean, all the biology majors like duh, like she gave birth to you
		

			like I know that. Okay? pre med students, literalist.
		

			No, but my mother and my father, like, obviously, any Claire that I had, that I have inside of me
comes from people who are around me, and they start with my mom and my dad. Right. But my mom, my
mom, and I don't know if any, are any of you Egyptian?
		

			Yeah, you know, Egyptian moms. They're serious, right? Or even North African, right? Egyptian or
Algerian or Libyan or Moroccan. It's North African parents are serious, right. And, and sometimes
it's not that easy to get along, right? Because we're martial law. We all have strong heads. And we
like it our way. And the young people like it too. And I tell this story, but I tell it all the
time. So I can reminder, I can remind everyone that like I could not wait to move out. When I was
getting when I finally graduated, and I was getting job offers from here and there and I was going
to Dallas for that one year that I was there. May Allah forgive me.
		

			And I and I finally moved to Dallas. The whole ride down. I was my friends. I was like, yeah, I'm
out of the house. Or I'm a real man, right? Can we go buy dinner by myself? Right? Watch a movie by
myself and all these things. That night, I was on the living room floor, my apartment crying like a
baby. calling my mom saying I miss you. Right? And I only spent 37 hours away from her. Right? I was
like I missed the cushy mo I miss the falafel.
		

			Who's gonna cook for me? I looked into I looked in the cupboard. There's no cups, there's no place.
Where do you get that stuff anyways? Right?
		

			It's so obvious how fragile we become. So Allah subhanaw taala that says, Don't say, Oh, and I know
it's tough. because trust me, I have a North African mom. I know it's tough. But you got to bite
that tongue. Right? You got to bite it because you don't want to answer for it on the judgment. The
second tip after not talking back, is to give a positive presence in the home. There was one young
man who came to me and said, my parents, they always bothered me, they always do this, they always
do that. They never let me they never trust me all this all the problems that any youth might have.
They named it and then I went to his mom and I asked him, I said, What's the deal? Right? What's the
		

			deal? And she said, you know, we never see him when he's home.
		

			He's home, he goes straight to his room, he locks the door. The only time I see him is when he comes
out and gets food he goes back to his room.
		

			Right? Have a positive presence. Make sure that your body language at home is not hostile. Make sure
it's merciful and open. Right? Because as soon as you as soon as your your body language gets
hostile or concerned or worried, trust me, your parents know exactly what's going on and they feel
for you and they get upset. So you don't want to have that. The third is to engage them in good
conversation. as tough as it might be. I know that you might not have anything in common, right? But
you got to try it. You got to do something, right. That's part of it's part of being a mersin it's
part of having a sense is that no matter what you try your best because you're doing it for the sake
		

			of Allah. And the fourth and final is that when your parents aren't there, right? You don't do when
your mom walks in the room your mom walks you know what, I've been home home and I'm out I'll be
anti Soviet. All right, look at your mom. You do it when no one's there. You do when your parents
fell asleep or when they're on vacation, or obviously the most ultimate is when they passed away.
You continue to make them out for your
		

			Parents when they're not there that's the true test of whether or not you're doing send to your
parents and trust me this gap that we're talking about the bridge that's broken between parents and
siblings if these four steps are followed and tried at your best I promise you or your money back
right keep my you didn't pay anything right?
		

			Then inshallah your relationship in the gap will be closed to their parents. I asked Allah Spano
tala to allow us to be mindful and to follow what has been said and what has been heard. inshallah,
if I made any mistakes or for myself if anything is Claire's from Allah spawn tada Subhan Allah
Mohammed, actually the one la isla Allah and stuff protocol with x&y