Waleed Basyouni – As A Convert Muslim Can I Go To My Familys Holiday Gatherings – Ask The
AI: Summary ©
The speakers discuss the negative impact of negative experiences on Christmas celebrations, including lack of religious participation and burning Christmas trees, and the social aspect of celebrations, including family gatherings and church visits. They suggest giving gifts to non-key personnel to help with expenses and avoiding giving gifts during the party. The speakers also advise against drinking alcohol and not being in a situation where it can lead to alcoholism, and emphasize the importance of not giving gifts until it is necessity. They stress that Need is something valuable, very important, and very important, and that it is not allowed to happen unless there is necessity.
AI: Summary ©
We receive a question, multiple questions by multiple
brothers about what they do, especially brothers and
sisters who are converts.
What they do when they, you know, their
family gather in Christmas and then, you know,
this is probably the only time they will
see everybody in the family at one gathering.
And a lot of them may hesitate to
participate or find it difficult because it is
a religious occasion and they don't believe and
they don't celebrate Christmas as Muslims.
But then this is where their family and
family members and siblings gather.
So what do we say to that?
Okay.
Bismillah alhamdulillah wa salatu wa salam wa rasoolillah.
Let me start with this story.
Somebody called me on the phone from Wisconsin
in the middle, you know, in Christmas time.
And he said, Sheikh, I said yes.
He said, my mother on the driveway, his
mother is 70 something years old, carrying the
Christmas tree and she fall on the ground
and she wants, she calling me right now
to come help her carry the Christmas tree
inside the house.
Am I allowed to do that?
And he said, Habibi, please rush to help
your mother who is 70 years old to
help her.
She is not going to carry the tree
by herself.
But what I love about this, and this
is something I am telling you, we as
Muslims, we should respect a lot.
And a lot of our new Muslim brothers
and sisters, the convert brothers and sisters, it
reminds me of the sahaba, when they became
a Muslim, they don't want to associate themselves
with anything to do with shirk anymore.
Yes.
That's why with the sahaba, they did the
hajj, the running between the two mountains, Safa
and Marwah.
They were hesitant, no.
Why?
Because in the old days, before Islam, we
used to do that and because of two
idols on the top of the mountain.
So they said, we're not going to do
that.
So, and Allah SWT revealed verses, no
harm on you to do that, even though
in the old days, it used to be
a practice of the mushrikeen.
There used to be idols there.
But what I love is the attitude.
You know, I'm, the shirk is here, I'll
stay, you know, a hundred miles away.
Yeah.
Especially when it comes to shirk or haraam.
That's something I appreciate.
But sometimes because of that lack of attitude,
lack also of knowledge or overzealous or strong
emotion, we might not weigh things in the
right way.
We don't put it in the right frame.
It became a little bit of extreme.
So how do we frame it?
So what I would say is, is what's
absolutely not allowed and haraam and is to
participate, which is absolutely, that's where the red
line, 100%, where you participate in religious activity,
to pray to other than Allah, to go
to the priest to put, even I don't
believe in that, but to go so he
can put the bread or like to drink
the wine or to this, in your mouth
and stuff like that, or to start like,
you know, reciting things from the Bible and
you're a Muslim in the Christmas time.
All these are haraam, you know, going to
the mass and like during the Christmas or
before the Christmas, you know, that will be
all religious participation.
That's not allowed.
Absolutely.
Or putting a tree in your own home.
Or, for example, you put the tree, the
cross and stuff like that.
That will not be allowed.
Or you know what?
Clearing the chimney.
So, you know, when Santa comes, his beard
will not be dusty, you know.
Or, you know, put the socks or like
telling your kids.
All this will not be allowed.
So that's a red line.
We don't cross that.
But there is other aspects of the Christmas,
which is the social aspect of it.
Like what you said exactly.
Family gathering, it is people come, spend a
good dinner together, have a, you know, good
conversation.
You know, meeting your family members.
This is probably the only time they will
meet.
Yeah.
I go and participate in this with my
intention is for the social gathering.
Absolutely nothing wrong with that in my opinion.
And I don't see any harm for that
for someone this is their gathering.
You know, especially when your family are non
-Muslims.
There's a difference between, I said, I have
a Christmas party, I'm a Muslim.
I'm from Pakistan, but I have, I'm a
Muslim.
I'm from Egypt, I'm a Muslim, not a
Christian.
Muslim or Christian, Egyptian, Christian, Pakistani.
No, I'm a Muslim and this and that.
I'm doing Christmas party.
What Christmas party means?
I'm putting a tree.
That's in itself is a clear imitation.
And Allah SWT said, وَمَا أَنَا مِنَ الْمُشْرِكِينَ
I'm not like the Mushrikeen.
I don't act like them.
I don't do the thing that they do.
You know, I'm distinguishing my deen and my
religion and my celebrations and so forth.
So, and somebody told me, Oh, it is
celebrating the birthday of Isa AS.
You're celebrating it in the wrong way.
First, he was not born in the winter,
in December.
Two, we don't celebrate the birthday of any
prophet.
It's bid'ah anyway.
Even our prophets, Allah SWT.
So, and nobody knows when he was born
exactly.
Even Muhammad SAW never documented where he was
born.
And you can't even be sure about that.
And people do it because the Western culture
today dominating and spreading them.
So, going back to the family thing, but
can I give them a gift?
You know, I have relatives who are non
-Muslims.
Okay, from my wife's side.
So, one of the things we avoid to
be involved in this, we give them a
gift in Thanksgiving.
Or we give them a gift in New
Year.
And I don't give them a gift during
the Christmas.
You know?
So, it's not connected to the religious occasion,
right?
You know?
Also, sometimes you give a gift before the
Christmas time.
Like, I give you real examples.
I had in my house somebody who comes
to help to clean and stuff like that
in the house.
And I make sure if there is an
end of the year bonus or some gift
I give it.
I give it in end of November around
December time.
Not because of Christmas or anything.
But for me, it's because I know this
family will bear a lot of expenses in
December.
If I give it in February, they need
it the most during December.
Because that's where all the dinners and gifts
and stuff like that they do.
So, it will appreciate more to give them.
It makes more sense for you to give
them.
That's why they give the bonus in company.
Not because they are Christian company.
Not because they know that people need a
lot.
They do a lot of expenses and pay
more money during this period, this month, end
of the year.
So, taking that in consideration, it's not against
the religion.
It's okay to do that with your family.
Let's say you used to give your mom
a gift or something like that.
Let's make it two weeks before Christmas or
one week or ten days before Christmas.
And that should be fine.
If you go to the Christmas party with
the family, they drink.
As long as you don't serve them, you
don't open the beer for them, you don't
share the glass with them, even if it's
water, you're fine.
But I will be sitting in the same
table.
And you let them know, hey, don't tell
me pass the wine.
Don't tell me pass the things, you know.
I'm not going to be participating in this.
You get your own wine, you reach out
to somebody else to do it for you.
As a Muslim, I don't do that.
But sitting in the table, didn't the Prophet
s.a.w. said, it's not allowed for
somebody who believe in Allah on the Day
of Judgment to be sitting in the same
table where alcohol is served.
Yes, but the hadith was mentioned in regard
to avoiding being in a situation where it
can lead for you to participate in drinking.
You might be weak and you end up
drinking.
Or you do this and you never speak
up.
That means you don't make inkar al-munkar.
You see the haram and you don't speak
up.
Yes, we understand that.
But there is a rule in Sharia that
is very, very beneficial.
The things that are forbidden in Islam are
two types.
Things Islam forbids for itself.
And things that are forbidden because of what
can lead to.
So drink alcohol is haram.
Not because of what can lead to.
For example, if you drink, you become drunk
and you might hurt someone.
Or get in a car accident.
Or, you know what, I'm going to take
just a sip.
It's haram.
It doesn't matter if I'm going to intoxicate
it or not.
It doesn't matter.
It's haram.
You know what, zina is haram.
It doesn't matter, consent or no consent.
It's haram in Islam.
But there are certain things, haram, not for
itself, but what can lead to.
Like what?
Being alone with a woman.
It can lead to zina.
Not because it's self-haram, but it can
lead to zina.
You know, alone in segregation, in khalwa.
Also, one of the things is to be
sitting in a table with khamara served.
It can lead to end up drinking with
them.
Okay?
So the thing that is haram for itself,
it's not allowed to be done unless there
is necessity.
Darurat.
The thing that is not haram for itself,
because of what can lead to, it's allowed
to do it in a case of necessity,
obviously, and a case of need.
Need, yes.
Not necessarily necessity.
Need.
What defines need?
Need is something very valuable, very important.
Like I'm going to lose my job if
I don't scan this once every, you know,
200, 300 items as a cashier.
That's a need here.
You know, I need to need that I
have to have a meeting with my boss.
That's a need.
A need.
I need to doctor or nurse to do
that.
I need, you know, I need to uncover
my hand a little bit to wash it
as a surgeon.
Then I will cover my hand back.
That's a need.
You know, it's not necessity.
It's not going to die.
Somebody else will do it, but I will
lose my job.
I will lose my ability to do that.
So here, what's the need?
The need is the value of family relations
because these are very valuable things in Islam.
It doesn't matter even if your family don't
value surat ar-Rahm, even if they don't
care about it, but you as a Muslim
value it so much.
I know that this is something so important
in Islam.
So that will be the reason for me
to say it is allowed to sit on
this table, even though recognize this is not
allowed.
But I believe that the maslaha, the greater
good that comes out of it, which is
the importance of being connected to the family,
being part of the family.
It's a da'wah in itself, even if
it's not verbal, through action, through seeing you.
Because if you cut them off and stuff
like that, they said, oh, look, it's Islam.
It cut people ties and things like that.
That's not true.
Actually, when I became Muslim, I became more
better person, better social person.
But they are nasty.
They are bad.
Be patient.
That's even better.
Your reward is higher.
So I'm saying this to explain why, as
a mufti, when they hear you, shaykh, or
they hear me, saying things like that, where
are we coming from?
This rule was in details was discussed by
many scholars in the past.
And one of the great scholars who wrote
really a lengthy kind of paper or explanation
for it, in several of his books, and
he's one of my favorite scholars in this
area, and others as well.
And it's a common practice by the ulama
and the fuqaha, through history.
Sorry for the long answer, but I hope
this will help navigate this season.
It's very good that you mentioned this, because
Islam did not live in an island.
Islam lived where there are other communities that
they had to deal with.
And you have some Muslims who also had
non-Muslim families during that time as well,
and they had to deal with these issues
as well.
So I think that is a very important
aspect that we differentiate between what is needed
and what is necessary.
And how you can find your way through
what is allowed and what is not allowed
in these situations.
It's not like you want to do it
because it's a religious occasion, but because it's
important to keep the ties with your family.
And if this is an opportunity for you
to keep that tie, you should take advantage
of it.
Somebody told him, Merry Christmas.
He said, We don't celebrate Christmas because Jesus
is not the son of God.
Habibi, just chill, man.
Just say thank you.
You don't need to give me a lecture
in return, or I'm in the drive-thru,
there's a car behind you.
Sometimes I'm shocked by how people respond.
Just say thank you, happy holiday, and move
on.
It's almost comic.
On the other hand, you have some Muslims
who are also extreme, calling each other happy,
Merry Christmas, and stuff like that, and have
a tree and post it.
That's also weird.
You're a Muslim, man.
Last time I checked, we don't have anything
called Merry Christmas.
You don't even say Merry Eid to me,
or Happy Eid, or whatever.
You don't say Merry Christmas?
I'm not advocating to say Merry Eid, but
I'm just saying, you don't do that for
our own Eid and celebration.
So you go overboard with it.
So you have the two extremes, unfortunately.
Why can't we just be normal, right?
Exactly.
Just take it easy.
Thank you.
JazakAllah khair.
Thank you.