Raising Resilient Children 2018
Channel: Zohra Sarwari
File Size: 53.13MB
Today, a special speaker has play a vital role in uplifting and empowering. She is an author, an intrapreneur from USA. And then she is a mother of four children who she has successfully won school in Islamic insecure, education class High School. Welcome
This is always my area of interest. I've memorized it, but I always have to read it. And I'll have my first mistake here. So just so you know, I'm going to do this again.
And then how to do that, you know,
To the unforeseen as I say at the MIT Media Lab,
or my little fella had the worship of Allah ilaha illallah wa,
Bishop yesterday, or yesterday?
Now for all of you who did not understand what I just said in Arabic, I'm going to translate that for you in English.
And the name of Allah, the Most Gracious, The Most magnificent, All praise is due to Allah, Lord of the universe. We praise Him and we seek his happiness, forgiveness, and we seek His protection from that curse they, whoever our love guides will never be misguided, and whoever he allows to be misguided.
I bear witness that there's no daily worthy of worship except Allah was one of the little and has no partners. And I bear witness that Muhammad
is His servant, the messenger May the blessings of Allah be upon him, his family, his companions, and the righteous will follow them until the agenda Abbey.
salaam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.
Where's my tech person?
Oh, okay, shall we just have a moment of technical difficulty they will get, what I'd like everyone to do is to please move forward.
No one's gonna bite you is gonna hurt you. If you have any issues, you just have to now.
So move up just a little bit. So this way, when the new people come and show up, they can sit, you know, have space in the back and you guys can get
all right. So what I'm going to request from everyone inshallah is to please leave your questions at the end, inshallah, I will answer your questions. And if the brothers have questions, I can also write it down and leave it
as well, because I believe the brothers are listening. Because to me, it's very important that the sisters and the brothers because we're all raising the children, right? There's not just one person, it's important that we all benefit children. So these are the six points I'll be talking about this evening. inshallah, number one, starting with the end in mind, number two, becoming good examples. Three, giving them good friends, or giving them good role models by teaching them about the world as six kwaliteit. I will discuss each one in a little bit more details. So start with the end in mind, masters. Now, when I say this, when I say start with the end in mind, and make massive door, how
many of you guys in this room, I like to be very honest, because you know, a lot of angels are writing your names down.
Okay, there's no one here to judge anyone. I like to know how many of you guys in this room, make dwar a lot. A lot of
the rest of us we make bla bla when we need something right? When we want something when we're afraid of something when a disaster hits, right. This is just the normal thing and this is how we are but you know, in order to be successful, especially especially with our children, if we want righteous children, we want the best one. It starts with law.
This is have the ended one. So what I did back in the year of 2007, that's about what? How many years from now, who can count who was born 2000?
how old you are
10, almost 1111 years ago. So what I did was, I sat down, and I made a list of what I wanted from my children when they were older. So my oldest at the time was seven years old. And then I had a bucket who just turned fourth, and homeowner was two. And that's all I had three children at the time. And so I made a list. I went and I made a list. What do I want from my kids?
I want them to memorize the Quran. And I want you guys to know, I didn't know. At that time. I was working on two doctorate degrees. But I did not know. And if that that that Yeah. What was all these letters? Lindsay got to me. Why is this on circuit? What's going on here? So this is where I was at. But the first thing I wrote on my list was I want my kids to memorize the prohibition. How many of you parents want your kids to memorize
the goal? It's a lofty goal, right? Then I went on my list, I said, Oh, I want them to have the best idea. lock it down yourself. How many of you guys want your kids or yourself want them to have the best manners? You want them to be honest and truthful, and to stand up against evil, right? This is just common sense, right? But I wrote this up. Then I went down to number three. I said, I wanted to graduate high school early start university or anyway, how many of you guys want to start life a little earlier, so they can be ahead of everything else? So I began
when I wrote, oh, it gets better. I made this crazy list. And I want to write books. Yeah, I wanted to become authors. I wanted to be speakers. And I just like was going on a rampage of my goals and dreams. How many guys have goals and dreams? Yeah, if you don't happen to start having them, that's gonna save your life, your goals and your dreams. So I make this whole list. Then I sat back and I looked at my list and I said, How am I gonna do this?
I'm not an educator, I have a master's in Business Administration. I'm a CEO, not a principal at this or not, right? I don't even know how to read the Quran. I'm just about to start learning. How am I going to memorize it?
I have written my first book, how are they going to read books? How are they gonna become speakers? I was thinking back then even back then I didn't give lectures. It was just in different arenas, different topics. But I sat there going, how is this gonna happen? Have you ever thought that I've ever wanted a dream or goal and you didn't know what's gonna happen? It was like, you know, it was like, the time when I gained 70 pounds, and I said, I want to lose it again. And then I was I was gonna happen, because I had never gone through it. So I was like, What do you mean, I can't eat? Are you mean, I only have to eat green stuff. green stuff and water that, who lives like this? There
really is a lot of people to live like,
minority. But they think
that being said, so I sat there and did this. And because I was starting to practice Islam, and I was getting, you know, I was learning a lot about the beat. The world became my number one thing. And I was reading books about the greatest people that they were talking about the prophets of Allah, peace of mind, we're talking about when we're talking about the fact that I was looking at all these amazing stories. And I said, that's what I want my kids to be like,
one of the great moms of show I want them to do this. I've been you know, you know, we mothers, we love these dreams.
I sat there just like you guys, I have these dreams and these goals.
And I had no idea how I was going to achieve them. So I started off with de la,
I have a bunch of dreams and goals. I have no idea how to achieve them. But for you, everything is easy. For you. It's nothing. I need your help. I need your guidance. I need you to show them. And I remember the story of the man behind his mother.
Where's my technical person? There you go. Can you go back on slide again? So I remember the story. How many of you guys know the story of the Mamba hunting? Mother?
A few people. So I'll go over that story one more time. So here was this woman who
was a very righteous woman. This is a woman in Washington 300 read the Red Cross was always giving charity doing a lot of good deeds. You know, she was on it and
she was on it. And she had this gun. His dad passed away and she wanted this luncheon dedicated to a lot right now. That's a goal. A lot of people a lot of people have but you know what ended up happening?
went blind. You went blind. Now today's aging society. We have a lot of technology.
for blind people, they can watch
that. One of the brothers I know he's in Canada, he's blinded. So Pamela, I feel like he does more than all the people who can see. That's how, like smartboard they've got the technology. But back in the day, we didn't have this.
So Mr. Mahajan, mother would always make lovely cup of sunlight in the middle of the night had you trained?
Well, I want him to teach repeat. I want him to become the best scholar I want him to do. But you I need you to give back. We need you to do this.
Because there's nothing she could. This isn't the hands of
one evening as she was sleeping. Ibrahim alayhis salam.
And Ibrahim Alayhi Salam said that your laws have been heard. And Allah has answered your wall.
She's opened her eyes as she opens her eyes while bahaya is running into her room is that more I can see I can I can see again.
Now if I can give the sight to someone that can help us.
But are one of our weakest when we don't make laws for our children? You know what we do? Do? We make bad dog? Yeah.
When they get naughty, and really, we're like, ah, may you go and parents may, you know, it's like we do this unfortunate, we get very angry and upset. And our tongues, unfortunately, take the wrong path instead of the right path.
And we need to change that. We need to change that we need to redirect them and we need to make law for our kids. We need to ask them what to give them the best character and to help them with this and help them with that we need to ask you africell up, so do when you're fasting when you're traveling, constantly make these last video tips. Make it for yourself, make it for your spouse or your family. But it shouldn't be constant, not just once in a while. This is massive.
With what anything is possible. I mean, you guys know the power of it. But yet, we're so busy. We don't do it. When you're cooking, when you're cleaning, when you're driving, whatever you're doing, make it for all the young kids. Let it be a habit for you. Learn to be happy for you. And I will tell you guys that you may not think it's possible, but it is my kids have gotten into this habit. Because, you know, like they were saying earlier, I do homeschool. And
I'm going to fast forward a little bit to tell you guys a little bit of my story before we get to you. But this was 2011 2007. I was like
coming back in 2007. Fast forward Six years later, six years later, my daughter, Masha Monica graduated at the age of 13 from high school and started University.
She was an author of four books at the time, she was an international speaker, she has her own website, Facebook, and Instagram, and YouTube channel. She was on the news.
She had memorize forges of the Quran. And these things were falling into place. Why do I share that with you guys? Because I started off with a dream with goals, right? Just like every other mom here.
And then what the biggest difference is not giving up and moving forward and working hard and everyday putting in that effort. So it came it started with Glock. It started with one and it was something that was constant constant on your time constant constant on what you were doing.
So, next thing
the processor is upset barely at me and that teaching his child matters is better than giving one bushel of grain.
It's easier for us to give charity isn't it than to try to teach our kids manners. For all you parents Raise your hand. I mean, how many times do we tell them? Please don't do that. Please don't do that. Please put your shoes away. Please pick up your clothes. Please do this. Do we contact please. When you enter the house, this belongs to everyone. Do we not say this? How many times by the end of the day we're like these the love.
Please put it in their brains because there's nothing to get. And then everyone's like, why are you nagging or
we have a nagging thing because we're constantly trying to write. But honestly our children are not listening to what we're saying. They're looking at what we're doing. They are not listening to what we're saying. They're looking at what we're doing. So if we are those examples of parents that walk in and say assalamu Aleikum, wa rahmatullah to everyone in the room, and we come and we say, Oh, I'm going to pick up
The shoes and we clean up and wash the dishes. We do it. They're watching us more than they're listening to us.
And watching us more than them listened.
So, how many of you guys in here? How many of the kids have technology access to the phone? iPad?
games, you know that? Right? Everyone, pretty much everyone has access to that stuff. Well,
you see, my kids don't have access, but my oldest eight was 18 years old this year. And this year, she got a phone, she's graduating with your bachelor's degree in shooting. This year, you actually got a phone because she got a job, it's nice to be able to, you know, drive back and forth in the store for safety reasons. She got a phone, which by the way, she pays the phone.
What am I gonna pay for her phone?
You have a job. This is what happens. We get jobs. We walk up the ladder, and we start remembering all the good deed.
So why is that? Because technology is distracting?
It's very distracting. How would my kids try to memorize the Quran? or read 1000s and 1000s and 1000s of books automatically? If they had that you have you give them this?
Is because this is fun. This is easy this is why would they do this, which is hard work and effort. It requires you to think and be creative. You have to think this is common sense.
So guess what? I have an iPad?
No games, I have a phone game, a garbage my chips. Like you want to use my iPad, we use Microsoft Word, a few documents. You know, it's four important things. That's it. Same thing with my phone. What do you do on my phone? I mean, I the only thing that's is Instagram, whatever, once a day to kind of for my followers, you know, post something, and that's it. But I say that is because we have to be the exact plus parents. If I'm going to tell them don't do what I'm going to tell my kids don't play games. Don't do this. Don't do that. And then I'm off there. While they're reading books and playing games. What is it that hypocrisy?
That's wrong. You know, and nowadays, we have brother brothers who are listening upstairs and please don't be offended.
But we have now boys
voice, what is that word? We have men who are coming home from work. And they're playing video games. Like they're five and six and seven.
I'm not raising boys in my house.
That's normal. I don't want tomorrow. You know, my daughter, a lot of companies. So this is a this is your work? You did this right?
They should be responsible young adults. But this requires us to put in our effort and our client. And that is tough.
It's tough, right?
That means how much TV do we watch? How much time do we talk on that phone? How much time do we do things that we don't want them to do? Why are we doing it? We're telling our kids don't lie. We're lying in front of them. We're telling our kids don't back by I will do backbiting.
So we're, we're giving them the wrong messages. That means we have to correct this person so that they can follow that example and shoulder. And that's tough. Which means you have to be aware of your own actions.
Because you cannot tell me you tell your child go pick up a book and beat up books that was to die. But you're on the phone. You're watching TV, you're in YouTube, but you want that to
happen. You're not reading the book.
Yeah, what happened to that?
It's preferable. There's no such thing as I'm too old. I'm too busy. I'm too this I'm too that whatever you want them to become an example of you do. And one of the things I deal with my boys like
a macho guy, they're both my boys in the lab. And they've got Chava We're almost finished with student assignment.
And this is my job the hips teacher. Now, I forgot to mention that. I learned how to read the comments of what they've read. And then I came back I became their his teacher.
But when they frustrated, and they don't want to do it, and they get like kinda, you know, annoying, they know how kids are. I love you guys. But sometimes you test your parents, right? Because
I tell them, I'm not teaching you.
I'm not teaching you cannot. You can I will take you to the ship. I will take you to anyone also, but I will not teach you.
I will as a matter of fact, you know, during that time that I'm teaching you which is five to six hours a day.
tested back in
a matter of fact, during that time when you guys go there, I'm going to be memorizing a shot. And I guarantee you, I'll probably beat you guys. Right now, I can't memorize that I'm so busy helping you guys been, you know, the best for you guys. But if I sent you guys away, we're competition. Let's do this. And you know what my voice said? We will not be high strung with anyone else except you. Because they're in competition. They don't want me to my mind before that.
They're like, No, no, this is not. This is like, you're not gonna win this game. This is argue we're gonna win this.
But why is that because for the last 11 years, because you're 1111 years, since I made that decision that this is what I want my kids every day, five days a week. Regardless of knowing it, I have a contractor, I review a check that they do that I'm constantly trying to better. And they see this every single day, five days a week.
I'm not telling them to do something I want to.
If you're telling your kids lose weight, you better be losing it, you better be on your diet with them. Don't bring all the garbage in the house and then expect this poor little thing to just eat less. It's not gonna work. It's just not there, right.
So everything that comes in when you think you want to start with you as a parent, being that example a woman shall
give them good friends. The Prophet sallallahu Sallam said it is better to sit alone than in the company with the bat. And it is better to still sit with the goods and alone, it is better to speak to a seeker of knowledge and to remain silent. But silence is better than
right now in the dunya, there is a limited number of good friends around the room are limited.
And there's a lot of that
you are the parents, you control whose home they go to you control who they talk to, you control who's their friends, and you have that ability to help them make proper friends. You have to teach them how to do that.
And if that is not available, then you got to become their best friend. You got to be the one that plays with them and goes out without and takes them to the park. And you don't feel fulfilled that, you know design they have. If you can't find
a lot of times when I go to the Master, I get asked that question by parents. Oh, you can like our kids play? And I'm like, No, no, no, our kids can't play. I'm not being disrespectful. I'm not being rude. And like your kids have an Xbox. And they play on that all day. If my kid comes to your house, and they get addicted to that they're going to only be coming for that. What is the benefit of this?
I'm actually losing out I'm not benefiting. I'm losing again. So
I'm a very honest person. You don't have to tell the truth.
But why do I say that? We are the ones that help them decide this. We are the ones that doesn't mean they can you know, like we have neighbors which are like if they're not Muslim. There are different phases. My kids do go outside, they play, you know, ride bikes with them, they do, but few minutes here and there. It's not like swimming. But even that they're playing outside. They're like either skateboarding or riding their bikes, or they're playing with their, you know, tag, whatever, they're the actor.
And it's a few minutes and they get to do that. But if you're gonna tell me a few hours,
your kid has a goal.
What can happen in a few hours? What can happen to my kid? What kind of image can my kids see? What kind of garbage can he or she learned that little while I'm very paranoid that it's gonna happen. They're old. Don't get me wrong. But until they're mature enough to understand, you have to have some boundaries. And you have to try your best. Because I tell you, when I was in high school,
I knew young girls who parents were wrong, good people martial law. These we all went to public school. And this is why my kids don't go to public school. They go to public university. Now that's a different thing. But they literally go to class lab and come back home. But the reason why was because I saw young,
young girls having abortions, and mom and dad never finding out.
I saw things that their parents would probably have heart attacks that they knew.
This was the reality. Nobody wants to admit it. Nobody wants to say that's my kid. But today we have drugs. We've got alcohol. We've got all of this stuff happening.
So fast. Unbelievable. And if you think it's not going to happen to my kid
Think again, it can happen to any one of our kids,
unfortunately. So it comes down to help them pick good friends, their friends should be at that level, you know, helping them pray and helping them, you know, get closer to Allah, not farther from Allah.
Which means you can't find those kind of friends that you become that friend, if either one of you can influence each other that way, and keep your distance. The way I think the situation is, when someone invites me over, I think, if I go to this house, can I benefit these people? Can I help them in any way? If I cannot help them? Can they benefit me? Can they help me? Can they teach me anything? And if they can't, and I'm going to be there, and there's no benefit, it's going to end up in Gaza, is going to end up in backbiting. It's going to end up in a very, very bad day for me off the record for that day, plus, some will go deleted for me in a few more weeks to add, right?
This is how my mentality so I go in How many times have you guys been in a situation where you're very uncomfortable, and that's not the environment you like to be in? You know, what I have done in that kind of environment, what I end up doing, I go stay with the kids. And I feel
like I'm that kid. Why? Because kids are at different levels. They're not gonna back when they get there more like, that's fine. You tell me a story, they're more interested in a different thing that a lot of other people.
So you have to take yourself out of this situation. And you have to do the same thing anyway.
So you have to be able to do that. And you have to help them with this. I remember one of the chefs when I was just starting to post this with my kids, one of the shifts that that he said, My daughter doesn't have a lot of friends, but the friends she has a lot.
Goodness with goodness, they like their competition with Oh, how many days? A week? Oh, you're gonna wake up for me to
get a friend. Like it's a good healthy competition, right? But it needs to be at that level.
All right, give them good role models.
good role models, you know, today, when I have lectures for the youth alone, I asked the question, Who are your role models? This is just that, you know, and I get after such as Beyonce, Kanye, Jay Z. Kardashians. I mean, it's across the board. And then I'm just like, what.
And in the beginning, I was like, who's on the table, I was very out of the loop for a while, as like, a weird name.
I had never heard of them because I wasn't in that environment. And then I started watching the news more often. And now I know all of you to the news channel. Because they're always in the news for one thing or another. Right? Why am I saying if you don't give them good role models, they will pick up the role models that are being given to them, when what their friends, you know, sit there and want to be like,
I asked the question, often I say, you know, tell me some of the message, the names of the messengers have a lot peace and blessings be upon them. And people will mean three or four, three or four. And I said the 2530 in the Quran, how many commandment of 25?
Stop this game? Mom. She's asking you a question. Like?
How will they know their own moms? If they've never read their story? They've never heard of them. And if they have, it's very little, we just say I
use the words that connection to them. Their stories, what happened to them what they went through the trials and tribulations and what they learned from that. Where's that?
Where's they raising resilient children? It's going to come from this. Because when we know their stories and what they've been through, so we're lucky we cannot complain about our issues. What we're going through is nothing. We're gonna go oh my god.
Is that a problem today?
Is that our worries
where they go through or if they get rejected, I mean, that literally a few months ago, we had a young lawyer in my community commit suicide. She was 21 years old. This young girl came to a couple of my lectures prior to that. She was pocket Bunny, beautiful, smart, everything she was engaged and her fiance walked away from the engagement and she couldn't take that
rejection and feeling dumped. So I wouldn't be nice.
If we were not committed, and this is on the rise, this is on the rise in the West, our youth our supply, I cannot tell you how many emails and messages I get regarding this time
you open your eyes, you don't want to come home that day, like this mother did. And enter the room and see this, we're going to show her and she couldn't understand that for the life of her. Thanks. Why.
But if we're not giving them the right books, and taking them to the right circle, and giving them the right knowledge, that's kind of a how are we building resilient children. Now, when they have a difficulty that comes in their way, and it's hard, and they don't know how to handle it, they reflect back on these stories and connect and say, wait a second, this is what Mr. Policeman did. This is what
this is what most of us are, this is a user myself did Wait a second I can, I can do this, I think it's gonna bring back a lot and bring it back and show.
This requires a lot of effort on our part, as moms and dads,
you know, giving birth is the easy part. It's raising a child, that is very difficult.
And they will test us
like this, that this this and that when we figure we got that, they will find a way to test us.
And then when you get one, when you figure out why not the second one will come. And then by the time you have to that one is the third one. And then the fourth one and the cycle continues. You know, I was telling my children the shoreline, you know, when they're all devils University, and they get married, I said, I'm moving to New Zealand and changing my identity. And they said, Why don't you want to raise our kids? I didn't want to see you guys call you on Skype, and we're gonna give you my phone number on Skype.
Because it was tough. That's my break time. Until then, it's responsibility. And sometimes we want to run away from that responsibility, because it's so hard.
As long as it's
so giving them good role models to show up. And this comes by storytelling, this comes by connecting them. There is games nowadays that the kids can play. There's a lot of alternatives you don't have. You cannot force a smile on anyone. Let me be very clear. You cannot force anyone to do anything you have to learn to inspire, to motivate and to help them grow. It's a different mentality. You see, when we were growing up, and we said, my dad would say go pray, you'd be like, Okay, there we go. And like
when we say, we didn't know what we're saying, I would the majority of us who are not Arabs? Have any of you guys tell me what you have in your hand, but you were saying Don't worry. We're like, Yeah, but we all know the meaning. And if you don't know the meaning, how are you going to connect it so that you cannot connect to the law without the meaning? So my kids have to memorize the meaning of summer. And I test them on this all the time between 100 and budget, I test the meaning of Salah on Sooners. Why because if they don't know what they're saying, then why would enjoy crane,
we enjoy a lot less we connect to a lot. And this means we need to know what it means.
So that being said, we have to connect them. And in order to raise these resilient children, it's a connection for a lot of different levels. When you can learn to connect them, they're going to have a different output control. So teach them about the world. Don't teach your children to go with the flow. Don't teach them to live in this world with the way it is teach them how to make it better and how to be better as human beings. teach them about them. Don't I homeschool people think because I homeschool? Like I tried to subdue them from the world. I tried to show them. My kids know more about the world than most of these kids. When my sons were memorizing Coronavirus, when they're
reading the translation, they come to mind what is wrong, what is wrong with I don't say stop, go away. I'll talk to you, you know, you have to learn the appropriate way to explain to them what these things are and to teach them and to help them understand that it's not going to be at an education level of an older person. But you still have to they have to have some understanding to know this is head on. This is
why is it how to drink alcohol.
With this is what alcohol does to your body. You bring all the facts out and explain it to them. Why is it how to do this? Why is it how to look at growth. You know, what did I was saying? The memory
gays, there's reasons for that, you know? And my youngest one recently said, Mom, I don't want to get married. Okay, she's seven.
I said, Okay, that's great. You can live with me. No problem. And she goes, do you want to know why I said that? Okay? Because there was gonna be a long conversation that was very easy.
She's not going to tell you why.
All right, here's my comedy closet. Go ahead, tell me what your reasoning should be. Because when you get married, you have kids and kids are a lot of work.
And I looked at her, I said, Yes. You don't say don't say, yeah. And she goes, and sometimes they don't even listen to you. Yeah, so those are the ones that are the most terrible. I say that, yes. So why bother? I'm just gonna live with the silicate shall we'll talk with your at
least compensation for that. But teach them about the world, let them know. You know, about a year and a half ago, I had I give lots of lectures at the colleges and universities to the non Muslims. And about a year and a half ago, I had my first transgender Shahada. It was a person what changed what they were to what they are, and this person started wearing a job. They were like a spa. And I sat down and said, How about law guides, people who be guides, like it is shocking to me, a lot of walk about it. My children were very curious about this topic, they asked them, I explained the whole idea what it is, what is why we don't do this. But if someone has done the most forgiving,
it's up to a lot. It's always there a guy with a message. But you have to explain gays and lesbians, you have to explain all these things, why we don't do it, why it's wrong, and also why it exists, that tests and trials know, hey, some people that are kids should know all of this. And you know, a lot of times why we don't explain to them two reasons. Number one, we don't know enough knowledge. And number two, we're too tired
to time, we're sitting there and you're too busy and tired and don't have time. And so we just, we just expect Sunday school or Saturday school to do it. Or we accept it. We expect the Islamic school to do we expect someone else to do but honestly do not put this rule on anyone else but yourself. I'm not gonna say easy. And this is for the brothers as well. They come home they're exhausted. Don't play video games.
Or watch TV. That's right.
Get rid of the TV. It's useless. Garbage, plastic garbage? Do you need to want something much to look at. There's a lot of other resources you can do online or internet, you know, do you think I'm not saying don't have a different way of learning but be very open to making sure that your house is clean. If you're gonna let shake on it all the time. That's a problem I highly expected to exit.
I mean, know that kids should know there was going in and out of the bathroom, in and out of the house. We're putting on their clothes, taking off their clothes before they eat after they eat. These are all ones that 90% of our kids don't know. They don't know.
I can't you know, my kids enter the house.
Or get out and chill with your right side again. But I started waffle. I didn't hear it. If I didn't hear that.
And you know what that means? You bought shaken into the house and I have enough shakedowns in the sauce. We don't do that anymore. Yeah. It takes like two seconds. Do you think they're excited about getting down and coming in every day? Every time I
come back in, when we sit in the car, I turn off the cars. Everyone's a good boss, I want to hear
not silently say it out loud. I want to hear
why? Because I want to make sure that this is built in here that this becomes part of their natural before they're eating? Did you stop eating cereal?
When they're done? Where are you going? so that you're not thankful to Allah? That we just get to know what
it is a constant. But why am I saying that is because you have to, and then remind them about the world about everything. Because when they see the world and this difficulties, they should be aware of it. They should know.
They should know if someone calls your terrorists how to react to people calling you terrorists, how to react to people calling you names and bullying you and all that.
What do you do? This year? Ramadan was a bit tough for my house because every year much of Ramadan my boys do in the class with their dad. At the end of the last 10 nights. I go to a really, really, really good mustered martial law. And so they're always excited. This year, they came back from the class and I was like Oh, isn't it
Excited with my kids and
with my older son came in, he looked at me like, yo,
did you make wrong for me?
And I knew something was wrong. You didn't get that motherly instinct. And I said, What happened?
Mind you must know where he is that way. And for the boys only upstairs they have separately, you know? In essence, what? What do you mean? You're not gonna go to the cup? What have you been doing it the classes you have nine. And he loves them. He loves doing it. He said
it's the worst people that come up this time of year.
There are monks, the Muslims who come to me with the cough. These boys that came there this year. their dads moms just throw them in the masjid. And they think these kids are gonna change. They kept them like filthy, filthy places, and the language they use, and the way they behave. The worst character would rather stay home and be around that. It's the house of Allah. But this is not this is not like
any as is not this. I started crying because this is not what I expected it to be right life changing your dreams, new goals, New Year, right. And I started crying and I said What happened?
But I asked him what happened. And he told me, he was with one of his friends. And you know, they were doing different stuff. And like sometimes they'll read books in the middle of the night sometimes builds right out of the closet. And another young boy came
along well, what was his problem, only a one knows what his issues were. And he's a teenager and his dad just kind of threw it in there. And he started cursing the guy.
And so they get up and they move to location. And so this big monster of a sudden another place and they continue to follow them. And he's kind of constantly kind of taunting them. Right? Now mind you wash off the bottom of the bucket is a black belt.
He's not you know,
he knew right from day one. Taekwondo is not there to beat people is there to protect yourself and help people in the situation. So you relocate it again, you go sit there. And again, this time the kid is cursing in Arabic. So it was one thing that was in English, I started using this finding myself, grabs him, lets him down. And he said, You got to stop. So say we're gonna do this, right now you swear by like,
what's wrong with you?
What are you doing? And so because it was like kind of tight hold, the guy made that promise. But a few minutes later, he continued to see.
And so what night goes by this is 10 nights, right? One night. Tonight, by the third night, he wouldn't complain to one of the volunteers. And he said, Listen, this and the volunteers that what what you must be doing something wrong, must be your fault.
He was just like, I don't want to do this environment. I didn't come here for this. I came to worship Allah, I can't do myself, I came to do this. And this is the outcome.
And so when he said this, this is the must have Google forgiving, like, All my friends are there All my friends are there. And it was eat the next day, I said, Do you want to go to a different restaurant? Or eat some
houses that everyone's like?
What about all of us, I don't really care about all of you, right now. We're all gonna go to different messages. And I want my kids to be comfortable in the house. And I want them to love the house. And I want them to connect. They're going there for a bigger purpose. And so we went to eat salad. So the kids thought, I changed my entire message to another forum we must have that was also very good on tech Monday, because of this time, and everyone else is like,
because they'll miss their friends. And I was like, when we go to our last house, we have to be connected to him. And if one of us are disconnected, and doesn't feel comfortable, that's a problem.
So what I'm saying to you is, let them know, let them be aware of left a big decision that we have to also support our kids in these things. We have to be the parent for years that when they come and complain and they cry, we have to understand that we have to help with that. Because literally, my son could probably broken his arm is like that much worse than that.
But he knew that that was the right way.
That's not the way and sometimes we just have to readjust ourselves.
The things that are happening.
She should just sit there
Oh, it didn't work. Sorry.
Hey, everyone, I'm
Jeff about your mom and dad.
So give them quality time, give them quality time. The greatest gift you can give someone is your time. Because when you dedicate your time you're offering a part of your life and you will never get back. The greatest gift. My kids tell me this, okay, I'm a homeschool teacher that's within 24. Seven, I take them to the university. I bring them back. I do the cooking the cleaning. I do Taekwondo with that. So I'm always with them. Right. But they don't think that's quality time. The boys are boys night, the girls want girls like they want family night. They want monopoly night at least they have nothing to do.
And they say accept but I'm with you all the time. They said No, you're not. You're teaching us you do. You're taking us to university in the best quality, quality times when you sit down. And we see the agony on your face when we play Monopoly because you hate the game because of time. That's called attack. We enjoy that. Now for me to play Monopoly with my kids. They have to do like some amazing stuff. Like, Oh, do you do this?
Oh, yeah, that's how they're like, but that's really hard. I know. So do you want to do it or not? Cuz monopoly is very hard for me. I hate it. But I'm gonna do it for you. But you must do this. Like you learn to compromise. But give them quality time. Sit with your daughters, listen to them, talk to them, understand them, connect with them. You know, sometimes cry with them. Everyone is going through different stages. We have four kids with four different personalities. How many of you guys have kids have different personalities? Sometimes you think you got them, but you really don't. Because the moment you feel like you've got that one thing, then they go through their teenage
years. You think you just figured it out? They're teenagers. Then you're like, what, what the heck just happened? Was I and then you think was I like this to my parents? You know, you start thinking, and you're like, yeah, yeah, unfortunately, I must have done a few things here and there. That wasn't very timed. You know, but that time is enormous. They need our time, sometimes when your kids are acting out is because they don't have enough time with you. And they want you to just listen to them. Just
they want to tell you, you know, I always tell my kids, no matter how bad of a student you may have committed, no matter how bad it is, tell me if you need my help,
whether that's drinking alcohol, whether that's doing drugs, whatever you've done, and you're in a situation you call me. You call me back.
Because at the end of the day, whatever I am, I'm still wanting right? I'm the one that wants to have to get out of that situation. So why is that? They're doing the wrong thing and going to other people, it hurts more.
So be open with each other, sit down and talk to them, tell them that let them open up to you. If they've smoked marijuana two or three times and stuff for a while, yes, it's very bad. But they've come to you and you can help them before they get addicted to heroin and cocaine. And it's too late, because they end up killing themselves. I wouldn't do that. Where do you want to be?
Open your minds to your kids know that they are going to commit their sins to God. And we all do, unfortunately, open your mind, have the communication doors open, constantly bring them back, help keep guiding them.
trust them to believe that
you are their best supporters. If you can tell your kid here's no doubt you can do nothing. You're so do you think they're gonna do anything?
They're gonna call me dumb. Why should I do anything? You said I'm so dumb, you're so negative.
Or if you keep calling them this or that name calling.
That's my quality time. Okay, don't get through
it for half an hour and give you an idea. That's not quality, time. quality time is plagued with them, eating with them, listening to them, asking them to tell you their stories, whether you like it or not, whether you agree with it or not. But at least of sharing they're opening their minds to.
Lastly, week put your trust in the laser region. The believers put their trust in the last say nothing will happen to us except what Allah has decreed for us. He's a protector, and then the love that the believers put their trust is
our number 51
Put your trust. You have done everything you can do w
that's all you can do. That's all you can do. I know people
You know, get this guy. I said, Well, that's up to a lot he wants to escape it, that's not up to me. My job as a parent is to do my best and to teach them. If I love slides later on to misguide them, there's nothing you or I can do. That's a testament, because the lights are what's on this. And
he this guy, no, so his wife and his wife, if this can happen to the messengers that I love, and remember, you and me,
our only responsibility is to do our best our regrets is going to be they haven't done our best.
Then we think, ah, I wish I would have talked about this. I wish I would have done this, right? How many of you guys can say that? You sort of go through these wishing phases. And I don't go through these, you know, these
these regretful moments saying, you know, why didn't I give them an iPhone? Yeah, those are regretful.
He didn't get it. Yeah. And everyone's like, heck are you the Stone Age? You know, my son, literally, I think, was last week or the week before? You know, he got he usually gets done with University at 10pm. But he's 15 rush over. And he got done at 9pm. And so he said, Mom, you know, is waiting one hour for dad one hour? I said, Well, yeah. How can we? I said, you told me. You said yeah, but my teacher said earlier, I said, Well, why don't you go to the library to call your dad on Skype.
And he said, the library was closed. I said, Well, why did you want a computer lab? The computer lab was close to it. So what did you end up doing? You said what you told me to do? I was like, ah, because I said, Hey, buddy, buddy, my dad.
My mom doesn't give us one. And he said, okay, he calls it no doubt. I spoke in my own language. I didn't even speak in English. He said, when he
picked me up from Santa.
told us that go a little early sit in the parking
lot of Jason's diner.
Because what do you think about just getting their foot foot? They said, No, no, no, no. No.
Thanks for asking.
What keep that in mind?
So why am I saying that is we're the ones that control that environment for our kids. Our kids are not our monsters, were the my parents, we should be able to control it, we should explain it, we should teach it and not think that they're controlling us. And a lot of times in the household. It's the kids that are the parents and the parents that become the kid. You shouldn't have to be the parent. And the reason why I don't feel guilty is because I plan to stay at home. 24 seven.
They're like, Why? Because you don't need it. Like, what do you use it for schools, though, you want like, martial law, when you turn 18 and you get a job. spend it on making this. Until then I'm gonna get you whatever I can afford.
I don't care about Nate Brown. I care about those things. And, you know, you let them be responsible. You teach your boys teach your boys to clean up after themselves to wash dishes to clean up the house and cook teacher voice sisters. Please don't raise that Venus
was bad boys.
Don't make them dependent on mama for everything. It's important. You know, they should be able to know how to make food and cook and do things on their own. Sometimes I'm like, Oh my god, you have to go make eggs for all of us. He's like, do you want omelets again? Like no, whatever you want to make. It just don't want to cook for them testing them. And I don't want to spend 30 minutes cooking right?
Make scrambled eggs, or whatever. He just puts up the face of everybody.
Make the kids responsible. Give them responsibility besides homework, I know you guys think homeworks and
teach them responsibility. Teach them to help out.
Alright, with that being said, I think I'm done. So chill out if you guys have
if you guys have q&a, I'm willing to take questions. Yes.
When he's when he's finished his bachelor's degree in Mechatronics Engineering and shaba He's 18 and has his first job. Got that phone. And you know what? It's gonna be what we do with my daughter gonna be my old
dad upgrades for free and then he passes it to me and then my old one goes to the next job.
My daughter was like she works for Apple Well, 18 year old
Whoa, oh yeah, before she got his job, we're gonna get this phone and it's like nothing. She got a job as a goal. What do you do to get that bonus? Oh, no, I'm just gonna use your order. Now that you work, and you know how hard it is to work and to go every day, all of a sudden, her phone 24 five
I'll have a recycled bike. Because when you give them that the old response, and they have to refer them they think twice. Okay, when did you get all those Nike shoes, because yes, they're on sale for $35 instead of nine.
Things change, it changes. But that's what happens when you give them that responsibility.
By the way, I do have books in the back over there they are, they do have a feature because I had kind of pays for all the other stuff that I have to do with the kids. But they are there and I will do a book signing if anyone wants any of them. One of them is on the power of time management. Time management is key in your life. If you don't manage your time, you don't manage your life. You don't manage your time you'll manage your life, you know, in order for me to be where I'm at and to do what I do is, time is absolutely time when somebody asked me, can I have your phone number? I'm like, No.
Why not? Because I'll never probably answer the phone. Let's be honest, I don't. I my phone is on vibrate. And then the only time I answer for my phone is for my mother and father only to everybody else, leave a message I'll get back to you. If it's a I will get back sooner than later. But my sister like calling me Jen called me two weeks and we're like best friend. And I'm like she really calling me for not texting, come on, get out of here for the boat. Like I probably would I get the middle of my hips test. And we're like that even like once the nap, it takes like an hour to test because this is there's so much longer. So really, you have to learn to manage your time you have to
wake up early. And this is what the prophets of Allah has said, he said it for us.
Right? That's where our blessed hours early, you got to do your stuff.
How do you raise confidence, kids don't give up easy. First of all, you have to be have confidence or
you have to be very confident in who you are, and not be ashamed, embarrassed, or scared or worried. Your confidence is something that you can't see. So we're not confidence, confident. And by being a Muslim, for example, I'm kind of nervous to work my job and kind of complaining and crying and sad that my kids are gonna see that. But if I walk into the room and have like, you know, a welcome, I went to an event and my kids woke me up every time before I leave. For some veterans in the States, I say bye to all my kids. I mean, it's constant. I say, by the way, but I had to hack them. Actually, I think I was this event of going to, I've gotten some death threats. So I may not come
back alive. So do me a big
favor, offer me something. Like we go through that conversation. And my little one usually says, I don't want you to go and I'm like, That's too bad. If it's one of our love decrees, right? So you go, and then I tell whoever's listening, whatever childhood like if something happens to me, you go and hide and run through your life, because we don't need to have to have us go at the same time. And you keep holding this banner of the Dean of diecast to get on. And so confidence is going to come number one from the parents. Number two, it's the more knowledge that kids have, the more understanding they have the more achievements that they have achieved. They automatically have
confidence. So when my kids went for a job interview this year, you know, when Apple and they were doing this whole thing, you know, she walked in, and I was actually at the Paxton the lectures, and she walked in and I asked her, I said, How did it go? I said, when you want it, the guy comes up and he said, Hey, hi, how are you? You know how they introduce themselves? I said, What did you do? Oh, yeah. And she slept? Well. I put my hand on my chest and I said, I'm so sorry. We don't shake hands of the opposite gender to religious thing. And the guy looked at me said, Okay, well then go ahead and take a seat. She takes a seat. She does the interview. She goes, Mom, I don't know if I got the
job. I said, Well, my mom wants to give me the job. 100 I
think this job is good enough for you. But don't worry about it. There's another opportunity where she gets a call the week after and says you bet the job come in. And everyone at the place has to wear uniforms like white shirts, t shirts with certain color pants. All you walked in with her bias.
the only woman who can do this, but where does that come from? Is it comes from Allah respect and honor comes from Allah the moment
Do you respect and honor love, and you put a lot above everyone else, that Allah will give you that respect.
And that's where competence comes in. So she's like now, it's been six months, I passed her test, she literally messaged her boss. I'd like to talk about my parents, please. Oh, yeah. She's like, yeah, I'm ready for payments. I mean, I deserve this. I've been working very hard. It's been six months, and I get confidence.
The answer that I'll come back to you.
Okay, so give us an example of what your
parents can relate to that, how do we
set a boundary, so that doesn't happen again.
You have to give them number one consequences. They have consequences for the behaviors that they give that are not appropriate. Number two, you have to stop everything you're doing. Sit down right there with yourself and say, I don't like that tone of voice. I don't like what you said to me. I'd like to be able to talk to you and you talk to me. But we don't need to yell. We don't need to be disrespectful. Tell me what your what your issue really if I sit down and for him to understand. And if you behave this way, again, this is your consequence. You have to give consequences for behavior. When we see what happens. Get to the bail, like Hey,
where'd this come from? Right.
of the child, very good question. depends on the age of it. So we're talking about a five year old, right? What does he love to do?
What are some of the fun things he loves to do? Take it away from it.
Doesn't matter what it is? So my nephew, he's a little iPad baby. He loves
My nephew loves him. So when he comes to my house, and he's with me, and he does something, I'm like, yeah, you know what? That is a timeout. He's not on timeout, the iPads say,
like, he's, you know, Lifeline, he's gone.
He's like, how long? How long will you take my iPhone for
five hours. So he has a heart attack. He's
somebody who could
be affected tremendously. And then I sit down and have a nice day, and you know what we're gonna do? We're gonna read, oh, my God, it's like, I'm just kidding.
I'm just like, putting gasoline on his room. And he's, it's, uh, but he learns very quickly, not to be like that again.
Because he saw the consequences. He saw the effect, and he didn't like it. And he say, when his mom says is coming to my house,
to her house.
And she's like, well, maybe you should behave.
So you have to give them consequences that they understand. See, with my 18 year old, it's different. You know, my 18 year old when she got a job, most of the bottom line, I'm going to share some of them.
I'm going to share
Casey West's video when it comes down.
She one of the things that she did was she would come home from work. And she would just like say her glide would come in and I would never hear her say somehow. They'd be like, Oh, yeah, well, that's
what happened to the greeting that we have. It's like, Oh, yeah. And then she did this twice. And by the time I was like, I'm done. Quit your job. Give me your phone. Give me a piece.
I'm sorry, I didn't stay home for all these years to you didn't notice a salon.
That changed very quickly.
How is everybody doing?
consequences are different per age.
Oh, totally. I was ready to follow through with all of it. You have to follow through. That is very tough to follow them. If I tell them I'm not going to take them somewhere. I don't take them no matter how much they cry and beg and whine. You know how the kids get
a bet you they think they can win. I'll cry and beg and whine with them tonight. You
know, because when they do that so much. I sit down and do it to them. I say do you like this then like so I'm like giving them what you did to me was wrong
and have been fighting this all day to
I don't like them. Because you're not going to do it.
You know, there's times where I have them stay with their dad, there's times where I have the same with my sister, whatever, you know, but I will, I will give them lots of classes so that they can learn that if they don't like how that feels and show them do it again. Sometimes it takes two three times, it's not the first time, depending on how big the consequences and how old they are, whether they get it or not.
How can you make children love homeschooling? is a very good question. By making homeschooling really fun, homeschool, it should be fun. Like, for me, we travel a lot, my kids have seen a 35 to 40 of the 50 states in the United States, they've been to Canada, they've been to Sudan, they've done the United Kingdom several times have been to Germany, they did Overwatch, otherwise, they get to see the world. And they can only do this with hope. So because we get up they want to believe and we want to you know, we have our own schedule. They get to be ahead of the game education. So when they graduate high school at 13 years old, and everyone's like, like, they don't believe my son. You
know, when he was at the Boston He's like, yeah, universities, like go gotta believe you start soon as we go the university that he gets his ID with Yeah.
University, like, so getting that to believe in, you know, having like something more. So hopefully should be above and beyond what public schools, if it's going to be the same thing, and you're not going to give them extra things to do and learn. You're memorizing the column writing whatever, but they get to experience a different way of learning. It's not just books, you know, and that, like, we go on field trips in the middle of the day, like I'm like, Alright, we're done with congress who wants to go to museum?
So it's really for me, it's about like, you wouldn't be doing this museum Today, we're gonna learn and all that.
Fun stuff. Does that make sense? So making learning fun, you have to learn it has to be massively. If learning gets boring, kids will never continue to go to school, they will stop at a level worse, if you make learning like in my house is not about grades. It's a love of learning. So when they get less than an agent, which is a B, I don't know, how do you grade systems go here? If you guys have numbers or letters,
both, okay. So if they had less than 80%, they have to do it over. Yeah, that doesn't sit very well with me, like, get the visa faster. That means you got to do it again.
to get over. But that's the thing is you kind of have to make it fun. We find books we storytelling. Every day, I sit with my seven year old and we're reading stories that I was habited. That's one book that we have. I love Islam as a separate book, which is the messengers of Allah, we have different things that we that we go play, you know, and so she has to tell me stuff. And so all of this, and then the last 10 days with the budget, as he thinks that she became like a sham. And she's like, oh, who who wants to hear about you know?
Yeah, you guys don't know, come here. And she said.
So when you make the learning fun, that they're gonna want to get involved in teaching and learning and keep growing with them.
But that's important.
How can I
In the high school,
they do to greet you with me. Right? So they did to greet us. So they'll do like, for example, kindergarten, first grade, second grade, third grade, like right now osseous savage was done with fourth grade, she started fifth in about a month or so this year is fifth and sixth grade, you know, at that just keep going to grades you they have to actually go through everything. They have to go through math, science, reading, writing spelling
game for them at this age, but kind of go through two grades a year like that. And when you homeschool, you have access to your time. So instead of having 30 kids in that class, and you're doing spelling, right, and usually sometimes they'll learn 10 vocabulary words a week, it would be it's 20 words a day. They learned she was 20 words in about 30 minutes. She does all her exercise activities and then the next week, and so it's a little bit different than the style but it's about that when she's writing. Obviously I can test all that to see how she remembers how to spell certain words how she puts them into writing and all that. you test them to make sure they have it together.
Beautiful, how do you make up for the social aspect. This is the biggest myth they have that they say kids who are homeschooled are not socialized. Biggest.
kids who are homeschooled are more socially
Lies and they are more confident there have more self esteem. Like I just told you guys, my 13 year old a 15 year old, a university, right? What happens when you usually go to school you're kind of afraid to talk, you're kinda afraid to ask a question you get in regular classes at university, and like,
ask you a question. Do you know what you do? What do you what do you do? You know, like so much of the work, I started at 13, you would go in, and I teach them to sit in the front, find this most intelligent people, they become your best friends. I teach them all this ahead of time, I teach them to meet the teacher, go Introduce yourself, get to know your teacher, really well go to office hours, or you have to know the game, right? And this, when you have questions, and your teacher knows you, he's gonna be more apt to save a couple more minutes to teach you. So and then, if that's not enough, you go to lab hours you do whatever you can do are not afraid. And so it's that
confidence that they've already got that. I know what I'm doing. I got this. And so whenever he started his first year, in love, there's something you wouldn't you would go and ask everyone to people find someone that knew the answer and help them. Oh, you don't know. Okay, next, how about you? If you don't know,
let me go to the third person. He wasn't embarrassed. He wasn't ashamed. He was like, Oh my god, what do they think of me? How am I gonna shoot you? He was like, know what it's about time. And this comes from being at home, being confident and not missing yourself. What is the motto, he would get up in the middle of class, go put his pair of leggings right. One time this guy asked him, What do you do in the middle class, you get your backpack, and all your stuff and you leave. And then five minutes later you come back, because I own a tree. And the guy has prayed for me is what you have to pray for yourself. You have to learn how to pray, I can teach you.
So that point is that confidence. And this comes from those who so they're not afraid to talk to people. Those are on the plane everywhere. My son one time we have to sit apart from each other on the plane. And he was like three rows ahead and I was like three rows behind where the middle seat, and 10 minutes later. He's like, Hey, buddy, Hey, I got some governments and government chooses themselves. And then he noticed that this guy has a phone. He's like, Oh, are you gonna watch anything on the plane? Because they have free access to the cartoons? You know? And the guy's like, he's like, Okay, let me show you how to do it. Live in 15 minutes. He's like, Mom, I need a headset.
Give as he's got one of his ear. This guy who's sitting next to me on the phone who's watching cartoons now? He's got a museum. And they're like, yeah, this is gonna be fun.
Now, can an average person do this kind of stuff? They're not afraid of bears are scary. When we go to the University of my seven year old after she does her homework. She goes by its friends. And she goes, Hey, I'm the best Tic Tac Toe because I want to play tic tac toe.
How about hangman?
And when that person needs to find another person, and I'm just sitting there in the corner, go read my book while she does this.
And that's from it. They were socialized. They know that. But beyond that, obviously, they're in Taekwondo. The activities anyways, you know the title that kids in the neighborhood, it's that they're not excluded. They're not like shelter, you let them be with a lot of personalities come up for within the realms of Islam within the boundaries. You know, as soon as the boys start cursing or something, my kids will leave that belief anymore.
So you teach them how to get away with things that want to be in.
Deal with differences in age?
Yes, yes, yes, I know that very well. Because when I think about it was seven or eight when I had asked you. So it's like you're homeschooling these ones in the hereafter nurse is very difficult. You know, you just have to manage your time, it's all about time that for each one of them, you kind of have to know how to manage the time how to manage your schedule, your food, when you cook like most people cook, the meals are cooked on the weekend. And so for dinners and lunches, the only thing that I normally fresh daily, whether it's making a small pizza, or you know tuna sandwiches or eggs whenever that's there, and they make their own breakfast. So you can, you know, kind of have to
learn how to work all that out. So don't waste time on dinners that we have invented just to microwave the things 3040 minutes every night. Besides the fact that you have to make sure your shopping is on top. You know, everything on the weekend is the only time I clean my entire house during the week. I'm like
just gonna ignore this mess over here the quarter that you guys or it's like me if it's like obviously like anything that's blown by the kids of all Yeah, washing dishes and vacuumed the floor.
You got the dining room floor. Oh man. You have the living room. You learn to delegate.
Delegate, teach them how to do this. And then you tell them to do
you get the older ones to help out you know, that can be useful.
Are you guys ready for the barbecue outside for the brothers have probably
ate most of the food Just kidding.
They said it's for the sisters to
pollinate. Ladies we have barbecue outside. And there's a request for both
these please provide your name and phone number because we have to set up a WhatsApp pay only for ladies.