Zia Sheikh – Domestic Abuse Jumuah 10142016
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AI: Transcript ©
Allah is the Greatest, Allah is the Greatest.
I bear witness that there is no god
but Allah.
I bear witness that there is no god
but Allah.
I bear witness that Muhammad is the Messenger
of Allah.
I bear witness that Muhammad is the Messenger
of Allah.
Allah is the Greatest, Allah is the Greatest.
Allah is the Greatest, Allah is the Greatest.
Brothers and sisters, many of you may not
be aware, but October is a month which
is dedicated to the issue of the awareness
of domestic abuse.
And it's very fitting that in the media
we hear about people that are in the
highest, or aiming to be in the highest
offices of the country.
And they are proudly bragging of their exploits
related to abuse of women.
And yet it is being accepted by some
segments of society as being just locker room
talk.
The reality is that abuse of women is
prevalent in society.
And within a domestic setting, in the relationship
of husband and wife, this is also becoming
prevalent.
And unfortunately, within the Muslim community, it is
something that is not addressed, that is not
talked about, that is swept under the rug.
And even women who are the victims of
such abuse, they are afraid to, or don't
want to, talk about it and address the
issue.
And they become victims of this cyclical abuse.
And it's basically a vicious circle that never
ends.
Not only women, inshallah we'll hear some statistics
later about the prevalence of domestic abuse, but
also men have become the victims of domestic
abuse.
So again this is also a statistic.
And men, because of their so-called strength,
psychological or physical, it seems shameful for them
to even disclose this to other people.
The reality is this is also prevalent within
communities and again something that should be addressed.
I just recited a few verses for you
from Surah Al-Anbiya' in which Allah SWT,
He says, وَلَقَدْ كَتَبْنَا فِي الزَّبُورِ مِن بَعْدِ
ذِكْرِ أَنَّ الْأَرْضَ يَرِفُهَا عِبَادِيَ الصَّالِحُونَ In this
Allah SWT declares that in the Zaboor, Allah
has declared that the pious people, they will
inherit the earth.
إِنَّ فِي هَذَا لَبَلَاغًا لِقَوْمٍ عَبِيدِينَ This is
a message for people who are worshippers of
Allah SWT.
And finally the main point that I want
to come to, Allah SWT addresses the Prophet
SAW and says, وَمَا أَرْسَلْنَاكَ إِلَّا رَحْمَةً لِّلْعَالَمِينَ
O Prophet of Allah, we only sent you
as a mercy for the world.
So the Prophet SAW in all of his
actions, we see that he was merciful, he
was gentle, and he tried his best to
be lenient to the people around him, even
those that persecuted him and tortured him and
gave him a hard time and cursed him
and made slander against him.
The Prophet SAW was very cautious and hesitant
to say anything against such people.
There were some instances that we can find
in the seerah that the Prophet SAW after
displaying such patience, he did make dua against
certain factions of society, and I'd just like
to mention them.
The Prophet SAW in Mecca, one day he
became so upset with how the Quraysh had
dealt with him that he made a dua
against the Quraysh.
So this was one instance.
The second incident that we find that the
Prophet SAW, he sent a letter to the
ruler of Persia, Khosrow, and Khosrow, he took
the letter and ripped it into shreds.
So the Prophet SAW, he said, they will
also be torn apart as a nation, meaning
this person who has torn up my letter,
his kingdom will also be torn apart.
This was a dua that he made against
Khosrow at the time.
And then the biggest enemies of the Prophet
SAW were the ones that at one time
had been closest to him.
And they became the people that gave the
Prophet SAW the hardest of times, and on
one occasion the Prophet SAW, he made dua
against all of them.
He made dua against Abu Jahl.
O Allah, deal with Abu Jahl.
O Allah, deal with Utbah ibn Rabi'ah.
O Allah, deal with Shafah ibn Rabi'ah.
Waleed ibn Utbah.
Umayy ibn Khalaf.
And Utbah ibn Abi Mu'id.
He made dua against all of them.
So these were the rare instances where the
Prophet SAW, he moved out of his normal
habit and he made dua against such people
that had been giving him a hard time.
But there is another incident that took place
in which the Prophet SAW made a dua
against one particular person.
And I'd like to highlight that, and this
is related to the topic that we're discussing
today.
It's mentioned in a riwayah which is found
in Bazaar and also briefly mentioned in Bukhari.
Imam Bukhari mentions it in a chapter which
deals with the issue of Raful Yadain.
Raful Yadain meaning the raising of the hands
in Salat.
The discussion is narrated by Ali ibn Abi
Talib.
He says that the wife of a man
in Medina came to the Prophet SAW complaining
of her husband.
The Prophet SAW heard about her case and
said to her, go back and tell him
that I am in the messenger of Allah's
protection.
Meaning the Prophet SAW has taken it upon
himself to protect me.
So she went back and told him the
message that the Prophet SAW had given her.
And then she came back after a while.
She said he hasn't stopped yet and he
hasn't left me alone.
He's still beating me.
So the Prophet SAW, he took his shirt.
He ripped a piece of his shirt and
he gave it to this woman and said
take this piece of shirt and give it
to him as proof that this message came
from the messenger of Allah SAW himself and
I'm not making this up.
This is a serious issue and he needs
to stop because I am in the protection
of the messenger of Allah SAW.
She went back, gave him this piece of
shirt and then came back again after a
while and said that he still has not
stopped beating me.
At this point, the Prophet SAW, he raised
his hands and he made a du'a
against the person, the perpetrator whose name was
Walid and made a du'a, اللهم عليك
بالوليد اللهم عليك بالوليد meaning O Allah, Walid
is in your hands, you take care of
him.
Take care of this person who is beating
his wife.
Just imagine whose du'a this is.
The Prophet SAW who is regarded as رحمة
للعالمين He is making a du'a against
a perpetrator of domestic abuse.
Just imagine how that du'a is going
to be accepted by Allah SWT and the
question we need to ask ourselves is do
we want to become the victims of such
a du'a?
Of a punishment which is a result of
such a du'a and if the Prophet
SAW was alive and he saw what we
were doing would he be pleased with us
or would he give us such a du
'a against us?
This is the question that we need to
ask ourselves.
Although domestic abuse is prevalent in our communities
too but this is not a statistic that
is not found in the world at large.
There are very alarming statistics At least one
woman in every three has been beaten in
her lifetime or she has been forcefully been
the victim of a person's you know, a
person trying to force himself upon her as
we see in the incident that has been
mentioned in the media over and over again
that a man tries to force himself upon
women or otherwise abuse in her lifetime.
So one in three, one in three is
such a huge number.
33% of women have been abused in
such a way or will be abused in
such a way in their lifetime.
Just imagine your sisters just imagine your daughters
just imagine even your wives they could become
the victim if not by you then by
somebody outside could become the victim of such
abuse.
So this is not something that we can
shun and not think about and say that
it's not going to happen to me there
is always a chance that somebody close to
us could become the victim of such abuse.
Another statistic and again the most often the
abuser, the one who is the perpetrator of
the crime usually is a member of her
own family.
So this shows how important it is to
make sure that there are safeguards in place
that a person cannot just trust any person
of his family with his children with his
daughters, with his sisters somebody who could be
a victim of such abuse it is important
that we do not let our females be
alone with a male member of the family
however close that member is of our family
it is something that safeguards and barriers have
to be put in place and we cannot
just take this thing easily and think that
it's not going to happen to any of
our family members.
12 million women or 25% of the
female population will be abused in their lifetime
12 million women will be abused in their
lifetime and up to 35% of women
and 22% of men which I alluded
to earlier that 22% of men will
be presenting themselves to the emergency department and
have experienced domestic violence these are the ones
that actually go to the emergency after injury
but think of the ones that maybe are
not so injured maybe they haven't been hurt
so badly but still they are victims of
domestic abuse and they do not move forward
they do not complain to authorities when the
number that comes to the emergency department is
35% of women and 22% of
men just think of others that do not
disclose themselves how high the number would be
so abuse is not exclusive to a gender,
age group ethnicity, national origin but as a
community we need to discuss this issue and
try to come to terms with it and
try to resolve it and put systems into
place to first of all prevent this kind
of abuse and then if it is taking
place to help the victims that are part
of that abuse so there are different levels
of abuse first and foremost this is the
most prevalent is the physical abuse that a
person man or woman raises his or her
hands against their domestic partner their husband or
wife and more often in our culture in
our culture it is more often the man
which raises his hands against the woman so
when this is the case and you ask
them for proof why do you do that
one of the verses that is put forth
is بِمَا فَضَّلَ اللَّهُ بَعْضُهُمْ عَلَىٰ بَعْضٍ in
which Allah SWT seemingly gives permission for the
man to beat his wife but this is
not something that is clear cut it is
not something that can be taken at face
value there is an explanation for it first
and foremost the issue of how Allah SWT
explains it Allah says وَالَّتِي تَخَافُونَ نُشُوزَهُنَّ فَعِضُوهُنَّ
وَاهْجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمَطَاجِرِ وَضْلِبُوهُنَّ فَإِنْ أَطَعْنَكُمْ
فَلَأْتَبُوهُ عَلَيْهِنَّ سَبِيلًا there are three steps that
are mentioned in this particular verse when a
man he feels that the woman is being
disobedient then first and foremost the advice is
given and the man is supposed to talk
to her and advise her and this is
the first stumbling block that most men have
men they stumble up at this very first
step why?
because most men they give the women the
silent treatment and they shut up and they
close themselves off and the woman doesn't know
what's going on she doesn't know why she
is getting the silent treatment why her husband
is being quiet and hasn't talked to her
for days so Allah says عِرُوهُنَّ once you
talk and clear things and they are in
the air and everybody has aired his views
and grievances then that lightens the load immediately
and then the woman she will pay attention
to the advice that is given and then
she will not do the things that her
husband is telling her not to do this
is the first step but again the men
stumble up at this very first step the
second step وَهَجُرُوهُنَّ فِي الْمُضَاجِعِ leave their beds
meaning do not have intimacy with them and
that is the second indication the second step
after the first step that is taken and
even some scholars go as far as to
say that the bed is not to be
left but within the bed intimacy is not
to be shown to the wife so she
realizes that there is something wrong obviously if
the advice has already been given she should
know what is wrong and then the last
step is mentioned وَضْرِبُوهُنَّ then the word is
ضرب then punished him but this punishment should
be understood in the context how the sahaba
understood it and when the sahaba were asked
about this verse they said that it refers
to ضرب غير مبرر that kind of hitting
that does not leave a mark and then
by way of the example they used to
say like with a tooth stick anybody have
seen a miswak small stick which is about
4-5 inches long if somebody hits you
with it what kind of punishment is that
so even to understand what the basis is
of that punishment it is not abuse rather
it's an indication and a hint to the
wife that the next step will be if
the situation is not resolved then the next
step will be divorce it is not, the
purpose is not abuse and the prophet he
mentioned this so many times in different situations
like we saw in the incident that I've
just mentioned and on occasion the prophet said
خيركم خيركم لأهلي وأنا خيركم لأهلي the best
of you are the best to your families
and I am the best to my family
and there is never a record of the
prophet ever raising his hand against any of
his wives even though he was married according
to some 9 times according to some up
to 13 times but the prophet never raised
his hand to any of his wives so
when the prophet is giving himself and showing
himself by way of the example then we
need to follow in his footsteps and again
going back to this verse it is not
how many people understand it and the question
that I would have for such people that
use the verse as proof is that the
rest of the commandments of Allah SWT in
the Quran are you so particular to fulfill
all of those commandments or are you just
focusing in on this commandment of Allah SWT
only and then misunderstanding it also and that's
unfortunately what has happened to us we are
pick and choose Muslims we pick and choose
what we like and what we want to
do what we find is pleasing to us
and something that we want to do we
will choose it and the thing that we
don't want to do we will reject it
and not practice it going back to this
same verse again there are different opinions of
the scholars about it according to one of
the greatest scholars of the Quran he says
that the word that is mentioned in the
Quran it does not mean anything physical it
means simply for a man to show his
anger to his wife not more than that
not even hitting according to the opinion of
one of the greatest of the Quran the
second opinion from the scholars is that Allah
SWT permitted it was only after a series
of conditions are met as a way of
restricting already rampant abusive behavior that was prevalent
in the society at the time it was
to prevent people from engaging in abuse that
was prevalent at the time already and only
after certain steps have been met like I've
mentioned just a couple of minutes ago the
third opinion about this verse is that it
is only for the people who have authority
of the state to inflict such a punishment
within the household this punishment does not apply
rather the state the Muslim state will be
the one that gives that punishment to the
wife, it is not the responsibility of the
husband, this is again one of the opinions
so we can go on and on about
this verse but for the most part it
is not how some people have understood it,
it is not how some people have understood
it we need to go back, ask our
scholars what these verses mean and then implement
what they tell us the next step of
abuse that takes place is not physical abuse
it is rather emotional abuse and that can
be done by neglecting the needs of our
loved ones neglecting either the physical, meaning the
material needs of our loved ones or even
the physical needs of our loved ones, material
needs, it's the responsibility of the husband the
father to provide for the children, for the
husband to provide for the wife, to provide
a roof, to provide clothing to provide food,
it is the responsibility, the sole responsibility of
the husband and this is one interpretation of
that the men are responsible for women it
means that they are responsible for these things,
they are supposed to look after the women
and take care of them so this, neglecting
the women and the children in this respect
it's a form of emotional abuse by raising
our voices, when we become angry, making a
scene in front of the children, becoming angry
and shouting at our wives in front of
the children, basically terrorizing our children also it
is something that is a form of emotional
abuse and also by being demeaning condescending, insulting
even though we are not shouting but saying
things in a sarcastic way complaining about our
wives cooking for example and complaining about other
things about our wives in a condescending way
which is not shouting but still, insults that
rub off over time and become a form
of emotional abuse all of these things are
kinds of abuse Allah SWT He tells us
in the Quran وَسَارِعُوا إِلَىٰ مَغْفِرَةٍ مِنْ رَبِّكُمْ
وَجَنَّةٍ عَرْضُهَا عَرْضُهَا السَّمَاوَاتُ وَالْأَرْضُ وَعِدَّتْ
لِلْمُتَّقِينِ الَّذِينَ يُنفِقُونَ فِي السَّرَّاحِ وَالضَّرَّاءِ
وَالكَاظِمِينَ وَالْغَيِّرِ وَالْعَافِينَ عَنِ النَّاسِ Rush towards maghfirah
from your Lord and a jannah whose width
is the width of the heavens and the
earth which has been prepared for the people
of daqwah.
Who are the people of daqwah?
Those people that spend whether they are in
a good situation or a bad situation, they
spend in the path of Allah SWT and
they swallow their anger they swallow their anger
and they are forgiving towards people and more
often than not the anger that we have
from outside, we got a ticket from outside
from the policeman, we take the anger out
on our wife the boss at job gave
us a hard time and threatened to fire
us we come back and we are angry
at our wife.
Why not be angry at the boss himself
see if he fires you immediately or not
but we don't dare to do that, we
take this anger out at the people that
are weaker than us and the people that
we have control over.
When Allah SWT says that those people that
swallow their anger and they are forgiving to
the people around them these are the people
of daqwah then we have to ask ourselves
do I swallow my anger am I forgiving
to my wife and my children or am
I always giving them a hard time the
khutbah was actually a little bit more lengthier
but inshallah I hope that the message has
been given, the message has been delivered the
importance of making sure that as Muslims we
are not perpetrators of this crime against the
other in our lives the husbands to their
wives and also wives to their husbands should
not be abusive.
I pray that Allah SWT gives us the
tawfiq to understand and practice what has been
said and heard Allah
SWT said