Zaynab Ansari – Ramadan Advice for Mothers & Wives

Assalamu alaikum. My name is Zayna Bensari, and

this is my contribution to the seekers guidance

Ramadan webinar.

I just have a few

brief pieces of advice

specifically

for mothers during this blessed month of fasting.

Recall that,

for mothers,

a lot of the spiritual development and achievements

that you sort of look forward to during

this month of fasting

really sort of

play out in the way you run your

house and you interact with your children

and, the rest of your family members. So,

there are a lot of spiritual secrets in

those daily routines, which might

appear

very, very sort of mundane, even monotonous. But

if you sort of carry out those daily

routines,

with grace and patience, then Insha'Allah, you'll you'll

actually reap a lot of,

spiritual benefits, especially in the months to come.

Also, for mothers, realize that,

get used to the idea that your Ramadan

with children will, of necessity, look entirely different

from the way Ramadan looked before you had

children. That's just a fact of life.

So strive to, strive for consistency

in your acts of worship versus quantity.

Don't don't get caught up in quantity anymore.

Just strive for something that you can sustain

and something that will help to keep you

sane and grounded.

Try to put aside some time for yourself.

That that that doesn't change when you need

to put aside some time for yourself. That's

why keeping your children on

a schedule is really important. Bedtime for those

children is really important so that you can

either do something after Isha

or

after,

Fajr, since you're obviously praying Fajr at the

beginning of its time since everybody,

you're getting everyone up for suhoor.

Modeling good behavior for your children

while you're fasting is one of the best

ways of showing them the importance of Ramadan.

Also, just some practical advice to help you

free up as much time as possible to

be with your children, you know, so that

you can set aside time to read some

Quran and to do some things that are

really more meaningful than the day to day

grind.

Try to stock up on groceries as much

as you can. Cook in large quantities.

This will stretch your food dollar and free

you up from having to cook every night.

So get used to eating leftovers.

In some of our Muslim cultures, there's this

idea that you can't eat leftover food. Try

and get beyond that. Leftovers have really been,

a saving grace for me during the month

of Ramadan

Cause it really it makes you appreciate the

food that you have, and then you're not

really obsessing over, okay, what am I going

to eat tonight? Ramadan is not the time

to try out new recipes or to do

lavish entertaining.

Definitely feed people, but it can be as

simple as, giving someone some dates, for example.

Keep meals basic.

Be grateful that you have,

a wide range of possibilities

to choose from,

when you open your refrigerator and your pantry

because millions of Muslims the world over, especially

in Somalia and East Africa,

don't have that. They don't have refrigerators. They

don't have pantries. They don't have homes. They

don't have food. They don't have water. So

Ramadan is not the time to be,

thinking about what we're going to have in

the next Iftar party.

You know, I've been in situations where people

are are piling food up on their kids'

plates, and that food's going in the trash.

That's a sin. So as much as possible,

maximize

all,

food,

usage during Ramadan so that nothing is wasted,

and try to stretch that food as much

as possible.

And be charitable during this month, whether you're

donating to, Muslims overseas or Muslims in your

local community. Like I said, something as simple

as sharing some dates with someone,

bringing bringing water to the iftar.

Another thing that you can do is,

have your children go through their

their clothing and their toys,

and and pick out things that are in

good condition and donate those things. That'll help

them to understand that,

Ramadan is a month of Sadaqa, that they

see it in a really tangible way that

they can relate to.

Constructing a socially meaningful Ramadan

consists in creating and establishing family traditions,

very important for minority Muslim communities in the

West.

Understand though that these traditions will change and

and evolve as your children grow grow older.

What, you know, toddlers can do is gonna

be obviously very different

from what children can do, say, when they're

school age or you've got teenagers.

But do things that in small ways help

to convey to your children

the importance of Ramadan, why we fast, how

everything we do is ultimately for the sake

of God.

Organize with other mothers to do Ramadan activities.

There's a great

group of sisters where I live that,

have organized Ramadan activities at local libraries during

the day and at mosques and Islamic centers

at in the evening,

you know, involving storytelling and arts and crafts,

and and just fun things that the children

can relate to to make Ramadan special.

Another thing that since some sisters are doing

where I live is that they're doing things

for the moms, but, you

know, they have

childcare at these events so that the mothers

can sort of focus on the things that

are going on, you know, whether it's reading

Quran or sharing their thoughts with other mothers

during during halaqa, for example.

So, connect with other moms because, you you

know, you have to understand that nothing's going

to happen unless mothers get up and make

these things happen.

Regular family gatherings, that's something that I'm really

big on, especially with,

people's schedules being so crazy and people working

and going to school and so on. It's

really important

to be diligent about making sure that there

is, at least one,

you know, family Iftar or gathering,

every week and,

also making sure that something is done

every Eid that involves all of the family

members. With with everyone making a contribution,

that really helps to sort of create,

those strong family ties.

Another thing that you can do

as far as making Ramadan socially meaningful and

spiritually meaningful, really,

is to,

talk to the people around you. For example,

if your, you know, your children go to

school

and, you go to public school, for example,

is talk to the teacher. I mean, they're

usually very eager to know

what the holidays are that their, students are

celebrating. So put together a Ramadan,

kit. One thing that I that I did

was I actually went and bought special Ramadan

and ebooks.

And, my son's teacher read these things to

the class, and they organized kind of arts

and crafts around one of the themes in

the book. It was really nice. It was

appropriate for the children,

regardless of what their what faith tradition they

were coming from. And it highlighted some of

the themes of Ramadan, sharing

and caring about other people and gathering together.

So these are things that you can do.

And,

as far as the Masjid is concerned, I

think it's important to take older children to

the Masjid during this time. Show them how

the people gather for the prayer and for

the Iftar.

Now for younger children,

some of you might disagree with me, but

I don't think that they should go to

the Masjid unless

the Masjid has designated,

a designated area for the children to play

and structured activities.

And, bedtime is really important for young children.

Don't try not to fall out of your

your routine during Ramadan.

If anything, I would suggest that maybe you

and your husband trade off, and one person

goes to the Masjid one night and another

person goes to the Masjid the other night,

Because it's not really a good thing to

have those kids up so late while people

are making because they get restless, they get

cranky, they get tired, they're making noise, they're

disrupting the other worshipers, and that's not fair.

So I think as much as possible

for young children, the emphasis should be on,

the parents doing things at home rather than

taking them to the masjid. Unless your kids

are just exceptionally well behaved, which is very

unusual. At a certain age, it's unfair to

expect children to be quiet and still. And,

finally, I would just say, you know, for

this month of Ramadan,

is to just, try to maximize each and

every minute of it in terms of your

interaction with your children. I mean, this is

a time when,

patience is definitely a virtue. So understand

that whenever you restrain yourself, say, and not,

and you're not yelling, and you're not spanking,

you're just trying to overlook and be as

patient as possible, InshaAllah, you're going to see

a lot of ajar from Allah

you know, for restraining yourself during that that

that those hours those hours of fasting. And

you're also you also would have conveyed a

really important lesson to your children that this

is a special month. You know? Mommy and

daddy are a little bit more patient. You

know? They're a little bit more cooled out,

and that's a good thing for your kids

to see. So I hope everybody has,

a beautiful,

remainder of Ramadan and especially those last 10

days. Assalamu alaikum.