Zaynab Ansari – Practical Advice on Wedding and Honeymoon Planning
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The speaker discusses the importance of finding a brother's perspective on the wedding and the significance of their culture to their wedding plans. They emphasize the need to look at the expectations of each party and to make sure that the event is a success based on their brother's background. The speaker also addresses the idea of being a stepping stone betweenics and modernity, stating that it is a combination ofics and bravery.
AI: Summary ©
Now on the issue of income, I have
to say this that,
and this is also a message to brothers
that
when,
a brother comes to propose marriage, right, and
you begin to discuss the expectations for wedding
and Waleema and honeymoon and all those kinds
of things,
you want to to see that the brother
regards this as something special
that he should ideally have saved up for
and should be willing to put some money
into.
Based upon his socioeconomic
status. Right? So taking that into account,
you want to see that this person
Insha'Allah
is putting some thought and effort into this.
So let me just say this,
the wedding that a brother from a very
wealthy family can provide is going to be
very different from the wedding that a brother
from a working class family can provide. Just
accept that. And I think one of the
mistakes that we make is kind of like
keeping up with the well, the Muslim version
of the Joneses. Right? Keeping up with the
Khans or whatever.
Just because
that family, for example, had their wedding
at a lavish hotel,
doesn't mean that that necessarily sets the standard
for all Muslim weddings in that particular community.
So I just really wanna put that out
there that
we have to make sure that, you know,
that,
we have to look at the expectations that
each party brings in and understand that the
type of event
that's that's sort of conceived,
that it really does sort of take into
account
what a family from this background
can reasonably provide and what also makes it
special. That based upon their background, what is
special in their book? Right? What is special
or valuable in their culture? We need to
think about that. And then related to that
sisters, I have to say there are also
a few red flags, a few sticking points
in this conversation
that we do need to think about. So
and I would say that no matter what
the brother's background is, if his idea of
a wonderful honeymoon destination is motel 6, you
might wanna move on. Now
theoretically,
there's nothing wrong with motel 6, but what
I'm the point I'm trying to get across
sisters is that
you want
some indication from the brother, no matter his
background, that you are special to him
and the life that you foresee,
living together
is worth investing in.
And on that note, I have to say
another thing too.
A lot of going back to the conversation
of Mahar, sometimes we will tell ourselves that
if I ask
for a very very very humble Mahar,
it is, indicative of my piety. Right? And
I've heard this from sisters that asking a
brother for a Mahar
that
we know is lowballing it and we know
that he's able to do more, it just
means we're both so pious we don't even
care about it. The mistake with that though,
and people will often cite the Sahaba when
they talk about this. Well, problem number 1,
we're not the Sahaba. Problem number 2, they
lived in a pre modern economy
that was radically and drastically different from what
we know today. And then in a a
third point sisters is that,
and this is no offense to the brothers,
but sometimes
if a man knows that he kind of
got you on the cheap,
sometimes
it might dictate how he
approaches things later on in the marriage. For
example, if you need new furniture
or if you need clothing
or the children, you know, there's something that
you need to pay for for the kids,
things that you want them to have,
and do you think they're really important for
their development and their educational growth? But then
he says, well, you know, remember
our understanding when we first got married that,
you know, we don't really need to be
thinking about dunya.
Okay, sisters. Let me just say that to
you that you have
to try to find
the, you know, try to find the the
middle ground here between extravagance and just being
ostentatious and lavish,
and in a
sense,
sort of settling for for too little. Right?
That
no matter the brother's background, you want again,
you want to see some good faith signs
that he believes that you and your future
together are definitely worth investing
in.