Zaynab Ansari – Happiness in the Home Q&A Session 2
AI: Summary ©
The speaker, Zaina Vansari, discusses issues of parenting and loss of trust with children. She suggests taking a clean slate and acknowledging the importance of parenting to avoid mistakes. She advises parents to be patient and slowly correct past mistakes to avoid regretting their children.
AI: Summary ©
Assalamu alaikum. My name is Zaina Vansari and
I'm really happy to take your follow-up questions
from the Happiness in the Home Forum.
Now this question is a very important one,
and it addresses issues of, a parent having
made mistakes with his or her child in
terms of loss of trust and kind of
being very critical in his or her approach
to that child. Now granted,
a certain amount of harm is done when
we are overly critical with our children, but
I don't think that the situation is beyond
repair. I think that there is the idea
of Tawbah or redemption
or, you know, repenting to Allah for these
particular mistakes.
And also just trying to have a clean
slate with one's child. I think it is
possible.
Now if this has been an ongoing pattern
of being overly critical
with, your child and sort of nitpicking
it's going to take time to undo that
damage,
and you kind of have to be really
patient about it. And you have to sit
down with your child and say Look, I'm
really trying to have a fresh start, have
a clean slate.
Apologize for the past, but don't dwell on
it too much, but apologize.
You can tell them that I was stressed
out, there was a lot going on in
my life at this point, and I'm sorry
that I took it out on you in
this way, but this is not gonna happen
again. And let them know that you've got
a system in place. You have a check
and balance system. You have a way of
making sure that you don't kind of lapse
into those former negative patterns.
So absolutely be positive. Embrace each day as
kind of like a new
beginning, right, as a way to really kind
of address these issues
and go about things in a positive way.
So if you did find yourself being overcritical
with your child then
now you can, inshallah, kind of model for
your child a way to kind of, like,
recognize and acknowledge and appreciate his or her
strengths.
And if there are things that your child
needs to work on, and, of course, all
children have things that they need to work
on, that you're able to kind of, like,
point those things out, but in a positive
way where you're kind of, like, making suggestions.
Right? So in a in a in a
way, you're making it seem to your
in a way, you're making it seem to
your child that that's his or her idea
for how they can improve versus you're just
kind of, like, putting this criticism on them.
So I would say take it
slowly,
be patient,
understand that they might be a little bit
skeptical on the outset, they might be a
little bit jaded, but inshallah, if they really
see that you're making a conscientious
and diligent effort to correct the past and
really kind of embrace
a new positive parenting approach.
Inshallah, they will respond,
favorably to that. And just take it one
day at a time. Thank you so much
for your question.