Yousuf Raza – PsychBaithak QnA Session 2

Yousuf Raza
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The speakers discuss the potential reasons for stress and depression in Pakistan, including certain circumstances that can cause stress and depression. They stress the importance of identifying and breaking bad habits to avoid problems and finding a way to grow in all areas of life. They also discuss the need for professional help for mental health issues and the importance of addressing psychological challenges and addressing emotions. The conversation ends with a discussion of the use of psychological challenges and the need for people to take action on them.

AI: Summary ©

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			Yes, in the name of Allah, peace and
		
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			blessings of Allah be upon the Messenger of
		
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			Allah, peace and blessings of Allah be upon
		
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			you, and peace and blessings of Allah be
		
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			upon everyone.
		
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			Walaikum Assalam Yusuf Bhai, how are you?
		
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			I am fine, how are you?
		
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			Alhamdulillah, I am fine.
		
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			So, are you ready for another Q&A?
		
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			Yes, have you drowned or are you still
		
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			fine?
		
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			No, I have not drowned.
		
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			How are the people of Lahore?
		
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			The people of Lahore are also fine.
		
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			The people of Lahore are also fine.
		
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			The problems are more on the Karachi side.
		
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			So, may Allah make it easy for them.
		
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			We are pretty okay in this part of
		
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			Pakistan.
		
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			Yes, our internet gets drowned every now and
		
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			then.
		
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			That may be a problem even today.
		
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			But anyway, that's what it is and we
		
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			are ready for our questions and answers.
		
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			There's a lot of questions that people have
		
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			sent in.
		
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			And since we could not get a hold
		
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			of our guest for this time, so why
		
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			not another Q&A?
		
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			Right?
		
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			Yeah, right.
		
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			Okay, let's start with the first question.
		
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			If you can identify the factors contributing to
		
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			your stress and depression, but it's practically impossible
		
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			to remove those factors from your life, then
		
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			how can you deal with depression?
		
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			So, Yusuf Bhai, this is a typical dilemma
		
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			that we see in our practice.
		
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			That I have these problems that cannot be
		
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			solved.
		
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			They have to stay like this.
		
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			What do I do now?
		
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			So, the first thing to understand is that
		
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			yes, there can be such problems.
		
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			There can be such circumstances that we cannot
		
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			change them.
		
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			But we can change our attitude towards them.
		
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			How do we manage those problems?
		
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			And we should also say that yes, you
		
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			may think that you cannot change it.
		
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			But with the help of someone else, you
		
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			can see a different perspective.
		
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			And those circumstances which are causing stress, that
		
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			can become a source of your growth also.
		
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			But it's not always like that.
		
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			And sometimes we have to learn to ignore
		
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			them, to distance ourselves from them.
		
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			So, there can be no one answer.
		
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			Those circumstances can also become an opportunity.
		
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			But it can also happen that you are
		
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			not able to find a solution to all
		
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			your resources.
		
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			And we should also acknowledge that it also
		
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			happens that we would have to live with
		
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			them.
		
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			Right.
		
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			So, as you said, when we are talking
		
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			about a situation where we have come to
		
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			a conclusion that these are problems.
		
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			There can be nothing about depression because of
		
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			them.
		
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			That judgment in itself is, there is a
		
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			question mark on it.
		
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			That judgment may be right.
		
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			But it is important that we involve someone
		
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			else.
		
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			Someone that is capable, someone that we trust.
		
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			Ideally, professional help.
		
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			If not, then whoever is capable, wise, trustworthy
		
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			that you can fall back on.
		
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			With them, we get, we discuss and we
		
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			see that is it not that there is
		
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			one thing that lies in my area of
		
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			freedom.
		
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			But I have categorized it in an area
		
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			of fate.
		
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			And I can change it and I am
		
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			not doing it.
		
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			And maybe someone else can open a door
		
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			for me, show me a way to make
		
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			changes in them.
		
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			And then, like you said, our IT.
		
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			Yes, tell me.
		
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			And this is also possible.
		
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			And I have seen this thing many times
		
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			that we also see such people who verbally
		
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			say that yes, we want to change them.
		
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			But somewhere or the other, unconsciously, they are
		
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			the source of those circumstances.
		
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			That he is also making his own cause
		
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			from there.
		
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			So there are subtle ways of sabotaging our
		
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			own selves, subtle self-sabotage that we may
		
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			be doing without recognizing them.
		
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			So even in this, in conversation, ideally, in
		
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			this case, with a professional, we may get
		
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			a chance to identify those areas.
		
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			And when we identify it, let's say that
		
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			yes, it is really an area of fate.
		
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			It's a terminal illness, incurable problem, death of
		
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			somebody close to us.
		
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			Something that is, yes, it is irrevocable loss,
		
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			right?
		
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			It cannot be changed.
		
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			It is really an area of fate.
		
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			But then, like you said, we have to
		
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			positive our attitude towards it.
		
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			We have to look beyond that.
		
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			And perhaps the different dimensions of our life,
		
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			we have to try to compensate them.
		
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			There is a physical dimension, there is a
		
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			spiritual dimension, there is a psychological dimension, there
		
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			is a social dimension.
		
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			We try to compensate, try to develop and
		
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			grow in all of those areas.
		
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			Whilst with that particular problem area, by making
		
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			our attitude more positive, that's going to be
		
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			the source of growth.
		
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			Absolutely.
		
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			There can be another situation in this.
		
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			Another situation can be like this, that if
		
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			we didn't do that work, didn't distinguish fate
		
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			and freedom.
		
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			There was an area of freedom, we could
		
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			do something about it.
		
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			We considered it to be fate.
		
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			And then when we are trying to compensate
		
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			through other areas, then that may be maladaptive.
		
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			That may be, I mean, we are distracting
		
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			or brushing the issue under the carpet and
		
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			it's just growing.
		
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			And it's possible that later on, it will
		
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			create more problems.
		
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			So we have to be very careful on
		
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			that first of all.
		
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			And if there is such a compensation, which
		
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			is out of necessity or out of compulsion,
		
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			then apart from that area, it will also
		
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			start distorting your functioning there.
		
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			Because the proper locus of stress is not
		
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			being addressed yet.
		
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			And as we know that all these dimensions
		
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			are very intricately interconnected.
		
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			If there is a problem in one, then
		
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			in the other, it is going to be
		
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			encroaching on it necessarily.
		
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			Okay, so we hope that addresses the question
		
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			somewhat.
		
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			Azam, there is a comment for you.
		
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			Azam bhai, legend of psychiatry, Mashallah.
		
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			So how much money did you have?
		
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			Zain was my house officer.
		
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			And now, Mashallah, Zain's surgery training is over,
		
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			which he has also put his picture.
		
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			So he keeps doing this to me.
		
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			Okay, sir, is this a joke to you?
		
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			There is no truth in it?
		
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			It's a habit of lying.
		
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			Okay, fine.
		
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			Zain, you contact Legend of Psychiatry.
		
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			This habit will also be treated by him.
		
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			Okay, so moving right along, next question.
		
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			There's a sin I've practically fought with my
		
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			entire life since early childhood, but I keep
		
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			falling back into it.
		
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			I feel guilty, and it has to do
		
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			with those close to me.
		
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			Could you please guide as to how I
		
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			could break a bad habit like this?
		
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			Yes, Azam bhai.
		
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			Again, it's something very broad.
		
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			What is the specific area where the problem
		
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			is?
		
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			Well, since we don't really know that.
		
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			But generally speaking, how do we break bad
		
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			habits?
		
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			First of all, identify what is that bad
		
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			habit?
		
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			How is it damaging you and those close
		
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			to you?
		
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			Right?
		
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			And really sit down with yourself and have
		
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			that conversation.
		
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			You have to properly sit down with yourself
		
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			and think, why do I continue to do
		
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			this?
		
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			First of all, there's a disclaimer in this
		
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			that we often call things a bad habit
		
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			or addiction and say, I can never leave
		
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			this.
		
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			We're undermining ourselves.
		
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			We are telling ourselves, we're already evading freedom.
		
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			We've already made an excuse for ourselves that
		
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			I have no control over this.
		
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			And once we have given ourselves that, then
		
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			what we call a self-fulfilling prophecy, when
		
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			we understand that I can't change this, then
		
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			I don't even change.
		
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			Right.
		
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			So first up, just understanding is that as
		
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			humans, we're not animals, we're not cats or
		
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			pigeons.
		
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			We have been programmed in a way.
		
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			And now do whatever you want.
		
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			That programming cannot change whatsoever.
		
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			What we have to recognize is one integral
		
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			part of what makes us human is this
		
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			ability to grow, to change.
		
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			That we can change ourselves, which means we
		
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			can leave bad habits and bring in good
		
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			habits.
		
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			Right.
		
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			So first we address that mindset.
		
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			Because in this mindset, then these sentences come,
		
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			that I have tried everything.
		
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			Nothing works.
		
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			Whatever I tried, I tried it with this
		
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			mindset that it's not going to happen, but
		
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			I'll still do it.
		
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			We also see that there's a lot of
		
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			people who come to us for consultations, for
		
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			therapy, for treatment.
		
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			And they're convinced.
		
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			They come with that conviction that we can't
		
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			be right.
		
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			We have these flaws, these flaws will remain.
		
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			You can also do what you can.
		
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			Do what you can.
		
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			Why?
		
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			Because then, after that, the excuse goes to
		
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			the next level that I did it with
		
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			every psychiatrist.
		
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			I took that long therapy session.
		
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			This problem can't be fixed.
		
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			Right.
		
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			So if this is the underlying attitude, then
		
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			the habit will not change.
		
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			Which is why people love to call these
		
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			things addictions.
		
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			And in that, the underlying implicit habit, or
		
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			implicit ulterior motive is that addiction is not
		
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			good.
		
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			So first up, know that change is possible.
		
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			Second thing, see what you have done to
		
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			get rid of it so far.
		
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			And if you are repeating the same failed
		
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			methods again and again, then are you really
		
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			sincerely looking to change?
		
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			Right.
		
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			So are you genuinely addressing the issue or
		
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			are you deceiving yourself?
		
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			The method that has failed repeatedly yet is
		
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			being tried again and again.
		
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			That is typical of neurosis.
		
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			And many Jamaats.
		
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			But that's a side story.
		
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			We have to be real with ourselves.
		
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			What have I tried?
		
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			To what extent did I succeed?
		
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			To what extent did I fail?
		
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			What else can I try?
		
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			If I'm out of ideas, then yes, I
		
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			go and seek help.
		
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			I explicitly sit down with another person, tell
		
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			them what that problem is and what I
		
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			have tried, what has failed, what I want
		
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			to achieve.
		
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			I'm out of ideas.
		
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			Give me more.
		
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			Does that make sense?
		
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			Hmm.
		
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			For me, yes.
		
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			But in this question, one thing that we
		
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			should appreciate is that the person has the
		
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			insight that this is a bad habit and
		
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			I want to get rid of it.
		
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			So that's practically the first step.
		
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			If you want to change any habit.
		
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			Absolutely.
		
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			Right.
		
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			So there's a related question to a follow
		
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			up question to just what we have responded
		
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			to, if you want to address that.
		
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			I don't have the exact percentage in my
		
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			mind right now.
		
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			But yes, we have experience of Yes.
		
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			there the percentage of improvement is also less
		
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			and there the need for biological treatment is
		
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			more.
		
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			Absolutely right.
		
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			Moving right along to the next question.
		
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			If you are being forced by the society
		
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			or family pressure but are not actually happy
		
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			at heart, then there is no point in
		
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			getting married and you feel like you are
		
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			better off without it.
		
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			So, the question ends here.
		
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			I think we answered a similar question last
		
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			time as well.
		
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			There can't be just one answer for this.
		
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			Because there are many variables in this as
		
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			well.
		
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			Your family, your larger culture, and what you
		
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			want to do with your life.
		
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			In our culture, there are many people who
		
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			prefer to get married when their parents are
		
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			willing to do so.
		
00:17:18 --> 00:17:22
			And there are many people who prefer to
		
00:17:22 --> 00:17:26
			meet them in person, talk to them, see
		
00:17:26 --> 00:17:29
			if they have the same mentality, the same
		
00:17:29 --> 00:17:29
			attitude, or not.
		
00:17:30 --> 00:17:31
			And there are many people who say that
		
00:17:31 --> 00:17:32
			they want to go further than this.
		
00:17:33 --> 00:17:37
			So, there is no such answer that we
		
00:17:37 --> 00:17:38
			can say that this is how it should
		
00:17:38 --> 00:17:38
			be.
		
00:17:38 --> 00:17:47
			In our cultural environment as well as our
		
00:17:47 --> 00:17:50
			psychological environment, if we look at it that
		
00:17:50 --> 00:17:55
			way, we cannot choose one of these possibilities
		
00:17:55 --> 00:17:56
			over the others.
		
00:17:58 --> 00:18:00
			There can't be just one answer for this.
		
00:18:02 --> 00:18:05
			And from the looks of the question, Yes,
		
00:18:07 --> 00:18:08
			go ahead.
		
00:18:10 --> 00:18:12
			I was saying that from the looks of
		
00:18:12 --> 00:18:16
			the question, this is a sign that the
		
00:18:16 --> 00:18:18
			question is looking for validation.
		
00:18:19 --> 00:18:22
			In the sense that my heart is not
		
00:18:22 --> 00:18:25
			into it, it's not going to work, I'm
		
00:18:25 --> 00:18:26
			better off without it.
		
00:18:26 --> 00:18:27
			In the sense that there is no question,
		
00:18:28 --> 00:18:29
			it's an outright statement.
		
00:18:31 --> 00:18:35
			Definitely, the attitude with which the question has
		
00:18:35 --> 00:18:38
			been put out does need to be addressed
		
00:18:38 --> 00:18:42
			before a particular commitment takes place.
		
00:18:43 --> 00:18:47
			If there is a lot of discontent, a
		
00:18:47 --> 00:18:52
			lot of apprehension, with a particular situation, with
		
00:18:52 --> 00:18:57
			a relationship, or with a possibility, and a
		
00:18:57 --> 00:18:59
			lot of insecurities about what will happen next,
		
00:19:00 --> 00:19:02
			then it cannot be completely dispelled.
		
00:19:02 --> 00:19:09
			But yes, as far as possible, we should
		
00:19:09 --> 00:19:12
			try to address them as much as possible.
		
00:19:13 --> 00:19:14
			With this recognition that you will not get
		
00:19:14 --> 00:19:18
			100% certainty, like we said last time
		
00:19:18 --> 00:19:23
			as well, every relationship, every choice for that
		
00:19:23 --> 00:19:24
			matter, is a risk.
		
00:19:25 --> 00:19:30
			And we cannot but move with the best
		
00:19:30 --> 00:19:31
			knowledge that we have.
		
00:19:32 --> 00:19:34
			We need to get the best knowledge that
		
00:19:34 --> 00:19:37
			we can, we need to consult, we need
		
00:19:37 --> 00:19:40
			to do as much as we can, but
		
00:19:40 --> 00:19:44
			with the recognition that 100% will never
		
00:19:44 --> 00:19:46
			happen.
		
00:19:46 --> 00:19:46
			Right?
		
00:19:46 --> 00:19:53
			And Yusuf, this need that I will not
		
00:19:53 --> 00:19:56
			go forward until I am sure, until I
		
00:19:56 --> 00:20:00
			know exactly, I will not go forward.
		
00:20:02 --> 00:20:04
			So this should also be analysed as to
		
00:20:04 --> 00:20:05
			why this happened.
		
00:20:05 --> 00:20:09
			Because it will affect the relationship in the
		
00:20:09 --> 00:20:10
			future too.
		
00:20:12 --> 00:20:15
			Not only will this affect, if you have
		
00:20:15 --> 00:20:17
			to choose a degree, if you have to
		
00:20:17 --> 00:20:19
			choose a specialisation, if you have to choose
		
00:20:19 --> 00:20:24
			a business investment, if you go in search
		
00:20:24 --> 00:20:27
			of 100% certainty in all those things,
		
00:20:28 --> 00:20:30
			that's a wild goose chase, because that doesn't
		
00:20:30 --> 00:20:31
			exist.
		
00:20:31 --> 00:20:33
			You are talking about the future which is,
		
00:20:33 --> 00:20:35
			which hasn't happened yet.
		
00:20:36 --> 00:20:37
			All its variables are not in front of
		
00:20:37 --> 00:20:38
			you, you can do whatever you want.
		
00:20:40 --> 00:20:40
			Right?
		
00:20:40 --> 00:20:43
			So if you have made that certainty a
		
00:20:43 --> 00:20:46
			criteria, that until I don't get it, I
		
00:20:46 --> 00:20:48
			will not make a decision, and I will
		
00:20:48 --> 00:20:50
			not move forward, then there will be two
		
00:20:50 --> 00:20:53
			things, either you will not make a decision,
		
00:20:54 --> 00:20:58
			and you will sit in indecision, neither here
		
00:20:58 --> 00:21:00
			nor there, you miss 100% of the
		
00:21:00 --> 00:21:02
			shots that you do not take.
		
00:21:02 --> 00:21:03
			Right?
		
00:21:03 --> 00:21:07
			That's the very standard recommendation for soccer players.
		
00:21:08 --> 00:21:10
			If you didn't hit towards the goal, then
		
00:21:10 --> 00:21:11
			that's a definite miss.
		
00:21:11 --> 00:21:12
			If you hit, then it can also be
		
00:21:12 --> 00:21:12
			a miss.
		
00:21:13 --> 00:21:14
			Right?
		
00:21:14 --> 00:21:16
			So if you have kept that certainty criteria,
		
00:21:16 --> 00:21:18
			then it's a certain miss.
		
00:21:19 --> 00:21:21
			Because you know, or else you will deceive
		
00:21:21 --> 00:21:23
			yourself, that I have 100% certainty.
		
00:21:24 --> 00:21:28
			Then that fanaticism attitude will be created, and
		
00:21:28 --> 00:21:33
			when it doesn't turn out the way you
		
00:21:33 --> 00:21:36
			want to, then there is incredible despair.
		
00:21:37 --> 00:21:41
			Then there is a very difficult depression to
		
00:21:41 --> 00:21:41
			deal with.
		
00:21:42 --> 00:21:43
			Right?
		
00:21:43 --> 00:21:46
			So that's something important.
		
00:21:46 --> 00:21:48
			Okay, moving right along.
		
00:21:51 --> 00:21:55
			My husband has several mental health issues.
		
00:21:56 --> 00:22:01
			Paranoia, personality disorder, socially awkward, somewhat bipolar as
		
00:22:01 --> 00:22:01
			well.
		
00:22:02 --> 00:22:05
			Basically needs professional help, but refused to even
		
00:22:05 --> 00:22:06
			acknowledge the mental problems.
		
00:22:08 --> 00:22:09
			Yes, Azam.
		
00:22:12 --> 00:22:16
			I would say that if the husband is
		
00:22:16 --> 00:22:23
			not taking mental health help, then the spouse
		
00:22:23 --> 00:22:25
			should go and give at least a second
		
00:22:25 --> 00:22:28
			-hand history, a proper history.
		
00:22:29 --> 00:22:34
			Because the words you are using, they make
		
00:22:34 --> 00:22:35
			a lot of sense.
		
00:22:36 --> 00:22:39
			And at the same time, they may, they
		
00:22:39 --> 00:22:40
			confuse us a lot.
		
00:22:41 --> 00:22:55
			Because they
		
00:22:55 --> 00:22:57
			are somewhat bipolar and all that.
		
00:22:57 --> 00:23:00
			So it makes a lot of sense.
		
00:23:00 --> 00:23:09
			But proper history and proper investigation
		
00:23:09 --> 00:23:12
			is necessary.
		
00:23:13 --> 00:23:16
			I will just say this.
		
00:23:17 --> 00:23:21
			We cannot answer this in Q&A, what
		
00:23:21 --> 00:23:22
			you should do.
		
00:23:24 --> 00:23:29
			So it's important that you, because if any
		
00:23:29 --> 00:23:32
			of us during training, would have given such
		
00:23:32 --> 00:23:37
			a differential, that our patient has paranoia, personality
		
00:23:37 --> 00:23:41
			disorder, socially awkward, somewhat bipolar, it would have
		
00:23:41 --> 00:23:41
			made a lot of sense.
		
00:23:43 --> 00:23:46
			That practically when you are saying everything, that
		
00:23:46 --> 00:23:47
			means it's nothing, right?
		
00:23:47 --> 00:23:50
			So just saying all of this, yes, it
		
00:23:50 --> 00:23:55
			expresses what, emotionally where you are right now
		
00:23:55 --> 00:23:58
			and looking to address all of these situations.
		
00:23:58 --> 00:24:02
			But you want a more accurate understanding of
		
00:24:02 --> 00:24:04
			what's going on.
		
00:24:04 --> 00:24:07
			Or that accurate understanding, when you give a
		
00:24:07 --> 00:24:11
			detailed history, then you need help.
		
00:24:11 --> 00:24:14
			How is it that you can manage the
		
00:24:14 --> 00:24:20
			entire situation in that scenario, then it will
		
00:24:20 --> 00:24:21
			have to be tailored help.
		
00:24:22 --> 00:24:23
			Okay.
		
00:24:26 --> 00:24:27
			Azam, next question.
		
00:24:29 --> 00:24:33
			My husband wants to remarry because Allah has
		
00:24:33 --> 00:24:36
			recommended men to have multiple wives.
		
00:24:38 --> 00:24:41
			He is totally insensitive towards my emotions because
		
00:24:41 --> 00:24:43
			for him I am trying to encroach his
		
00:24:43 --> 00:24:44
			liberty.
		
00:24:46 --> 00:24:49
			Whereas I genuinely cannot tolerate this one thing.
		
00:24:49 --> 00:24:50
			What do I do?
		
00:24:50 --> 00:24:51
			Am I guilty?
		
00:24:53 --> 00:24:53
			Daso ji.
		
00:24:54 --> 00:25:00
			First of all, Allah does not recommend it
		
00:25:00 --> 00:25:01
			at all.
		
00:25:01 --> 00:25:06
			Second of all, you are not guilty at
		
00:25:06 --> 00:25:06
			all.
		
00:25:08 --> 00:25:16
			Thirdly, maybe it's not the job of a
		
00:25:16 --> 00:25:22
			psychiatrist to talk to your husband whether he
		
00:25:22 --> 00:25:23
			should remarry or not.
		
00:25:24 --> 00:25:26
			That's something that is out of the domain
		
00:25:26 --> 00:25:28
			of a psychiatrist or psychologist.
		
00:25:30 --> 00:25:35
			But what we can do is to manage
		
00:25:35 --> 00:25:38
			the conflict between the two of you and
		
00:25:38 --> 00:25:42
			the stress that is developing because of that.
		
00:25:43 --> 00:25:51
			But that stress, that conflict, until this issue
		
00:25:51 --> 00:25:54
			is addressed, which a psychiatrist should not do,
		
00:25:54 --> 00:25:57
			it will remain there.
		
00:25:58 --> 00:26:00
			Would you like to add anything, Yusuf bhai?
		
00:26:03 --> 00:26:04
			I will just...
		
00:26:04 --> 00:26:09
			Again, with all our questions, this is a
		
00:26:09 --> 00:26:11
			unique situation.
		
00:26:11 --> 00:26:12
			Everyone has their own situation.
		
00:26:13 --> 00:26:14
			What is the domain of a psychiatrist?
		
00:26:15 --> 00:26:19
			But just as a matter of making a
		
00:26:19 --> 00:26:23
			comment on the typical cases that we have
		
00:26:23 --> 00:26:28
			seen in our society, when we see such
		
00:26:28 --> 00:26:36
			cases, the emotional insensitivity that you pointed out,
		
00:26:37 --> 00:26:43
			that and other issues mean that the first
		
00:26:43 --> 00:26:45
			marriage didn't really work out.
		
00:26:47 --> 00:26:51
			That the first marriage or whatever their relationship
		
00:26:51 --> 00:26:54
			is, it's not all that successful.
		
00:26:55 --> 00:26:58
			They didn't really, you know, ace that.
		
00:27:00 --> 00:27:06
			And usually, the understanding is that it's someone
		
00:27:06 --> 00:27:06
			else's fault.
		
00:27:07 --> 00:27:09
			And if I do it a second time,
		
00:27:10 --> 00:27:12
			I'll get it right.
		
00:27:13 --> 00:27:16
			And that doesn't work.
		
00:27:17 --> 00:27:21
			Typically, in front of us, every day in
		
00:27:21 --> 00:27:27
			our practice, second wives, first wives, husband with
		
00:27:27 --> 00:27:32
			all the wives are coming in completely at
		
00:27:32 --> 00:27:34
			a loss what to do now.
		
00:27:35 --> 00:27:40
			Because of the issue, because of the insensitivity,
		
00:27:41 --> 00:27:44
			because of the ignorance, because of the insensitivity,
		
00:27:45 --> 00:27:50
			the first relationship didn't work out successfully.
		
00:27:50 --> 00:28:00
			Without identifying it, without acknowledging it, without fixing
		
00:28:00 --> 00:28:06
			it, going into another relationship, going into another
		
00:28:06 --> 00:28:11
			marriage with the complication of the first marriage.
		
00:28:13 --> 00:28:16
			It's for the most part, for the majority
		
00:28:16 --> 00:28:21
			of the cases that I've seen, pretty suicidal.
		
00:28:22 --> 00:28:23
			It is pretty suicidal.
		
00:28:25 --> 00:28:27
			And this is something that I've been with
		
00:28:27 --> 00:28:28
			someone last week.
		
00:28:29 --> 00:28:32
			The guy wanted to marry another time and
		
00:28:32 --> 00:28:35
			he was * bent that I'll get it
		
00:28:35 --> 00:28:36
			right the second time.
		
00:28:37 --> 00:28:40
			I'm trying to convince him that listen, you
		
00:28:40 --> 00:28:41
			want to make a choice.
		
00:28:41 --> 00:28:43
			You have the complete freedom to make that
		
00:28:43 --> 00:28:43
			choice.
		
00:28:43 --> 00:28:45
			We're not going to encroach that.
		
00:28:46 --> 00:28:49
			But if you are unable to see what
		
00:28:49 --> 00:28:52
			happened, what went wrong in the previous relationship,
		
00:28:53 --> 00:28:56
			then write that the second relationship is not
		
00:28:56 --> 00:28:58
			going to be an automatic success.
		
00:28:59 --> 00:29:01
			There's going to be a lot of challenges
		
00:29:01 --> 00:29:05
			that you are going to be faced with.
		
00:29:08 --> 00:29:13
			And understanding it culturally means that our society
		
00:29:13 --> 00:29:15
			is not polygamous.
		
00:29:17 --> 00:29:20
			Culturally, there is more monogamy here than most
		
00:29:20 --> 00:29:20
			parts of the world.
		
00:29:21 --> 00:29:25
			Keeping that in mind, the people who opt
		
00:29:26 --> 00:29:30
			for a second marriage, there is a lot
		
00:29:30 --> 00:29:31
			of baggage.
		
00:29:31 --> 00:29:32
			There is a lot of difficulty.
		
00:29:33 --> 00:29:35
			There is nothing wrong in having baggage and
		
00:29:35 --> 00:29:37
			difficulties, but they are unacknowledged.
		
00:29:38 --> 00:29:43
			They are unidentified, therefore they create a lot
		
00:29:43 --> 00:29:45
			of issues, more issues, further complications.
		
00:29:46 --> 00:29:49
			So we have to take that into consideration.
		
00:29:50 --> 00:29:57
			Dr. Yusuf, in the question she asked, she
		
00:29:57 --> 00:30:01
			says that my husband says that Allah recommends,
		
00:30:03 --> 00:30:04
			the Quran recommends.
		
00:30:06 --> 00:30:12
			And by asking the question, she also believes
		
00:30:12 --> 00:30:14
			that the Quran recommends.
		
00:30:14 --> 00:30:18
			Because when she says that I am not
		
00:30:18 --> 00:30:20
			being guilty because I am stopping him.
		
00:30:20 --> 00:30:21
			That I am stopping him by giving him
		
00:30:21 --> 00:30:24
			a religious obligation.
		
00:30:26 --> 00:30:29
			By fulfilling the recommendation of God, I am
		
00:30:29 --> 00:30:29
			stopping him.
		
00:30:30 --> 00:30:33
			So what about this?
		
00:30:35 --> 00:30:38
			As psychiatrists, it is not our domain to
		
00:30:38 --> 00:30:40
			say anything explicitly.
		
00:30:40 --> 00:30:42
			We will definitely say that as far as
		
00:30:42 --> 00:30:48
			religious scholars are concerned, you will definitely find
		
00:30:48 --> 00:30:51
			people who will echo this sentiment or this
		
00:30:51 --> 00:30:54
			opinion and will do it with a lot
		
00:30:54 --> 00:30:55
			of passion.
		
00:30:57 --> 00:31:01
			Okay, but you will also find a majority
		
00:31:01 --> 00:31:05
			of them who will never represent this opinion
		
00:31:05 --> 00:31:05
			in this way.
		
00:31:07 --> 00:31:09
			At best, they will keep it as an
		
00:31:09 --> 00:31:13
			option and not as a recommendation.
		
00:31:14 --> 00:31:17
			And anyway, there will be no one who
		
00:31:17 --> 00:31:18
			will say that you ignore your cultural conditions,
		
00:31:19 --> 00:31:23
			you ignore your social setup, you ignore its
		
00:31:23 --> 00:31:27
			repercussions, including the emotional repercussions that your spouse
		
00:31:27 --> 00:31:32
			will have to go through and just jump
		
00:31:32 --> 00:31:33
			into this.
		
00:31:33 --> 00:31:35
			I don't think anyone in their right mind
		
00:31:35 --> 00:31:36
			will say that.
		
00:31:40 --> 00:31:44
			And on one hand, they have told us
		
00:31:44 --> 00:31:47
			that the Quran recommends and on the other
		
00:31:47 --> 00:31:51
			hand, a very large number of Muhaddeseen never
		
00:31:51 --> 00:31:52
			got married.
		
00:31:53 --> 00:31:54
			That is wrong polygamy.
		
00:31:55 --> 00:31:57
			There is that dimension as well.
		
00:31:58 --> 00:31:58
			Absolutely right.
		
00:31:59 --> 00:32:01
			And we know that the Quran recommends emotional
		
00:32:01 --> 00:32:02
			sensitivity.
		
00:32:05 --> 00:32:10
			So, how do you, where do you give
		
00:32:10 --> 00:32:14
			preference to one supposed recommendation over the other
		
00:32:14 --> 00:32:15
			recommendation?
		
00:32:16 --> 00:32:17
			How is that going to be?
		
00:32:17 --> 00:32:19
			How is that working out?
		
00:32:19 --> 00:32:26
			By the way, in the Quran, which ayat
		
00:32:26 --> 00:32:28
			mentions Taqwa the most?
		
00:32:28 --> 00:32:29
			Which ayat mentions Taqwa the most?
		
00:32:30 --> 00:32:31
			Surah At-Talaq.
		
00:32:32 --> 00:32:33
			Surah At-Talaq.
		
00:32:34 --> 00:32:35
			Which ayat is that?
		
00:32:35 --> 00:32:36
			Why is it used?
		
00:32:38 --> 00:32:39
			Why is it used?
		
00:32:40 --> 00:32:41
			The ayat that are used in the Nikah
		
00:32:41 --> 00:32:45
			sermon are different.
		
00:32:45 --> 00:32:48
			There is like a set of three ayat
		
00:32:48 --> 00:32:51
			or three sets of ayat which are three
		
00:32:51 --> 00:32:51
			ayat.
		
00:32:52 --> 00:32:53
			One is of Surah Nisa, one is of
		
00:32:53 --> 00:32:54
			Surah Al-Imran, one is of Surah At
		
00:32:54 --> 00:32:54
			-Talaq.
		
00:32:59 --> 00:33:02
			And then Surah At-Talaq itself mentions Taqwa
		
00:33:02 --> 00:33:03
			repeatedly.
		
00:33:03 --> 00:33:05
			So, as far as human relationship is concerned,
		
00:33:07 --> 00:33:10
			adopting Taqwa of God within that, that's the
		
00:33:10 --> 00:33:11
			highest recommendation.
		
00:33:11 --> 00:33:13
			That's what the Quran strongly recommends.
		
00:33:13 --> 00:33:15
			And there won't be any disagreement on that.
		
00:33:16 --> 00:33:18
			There won't be any difference on that.
		
00:33:18 --> 00:33:22
			That there is no need with your wife
		
00:33:22 --> 00:33:23
			or your husband.
		
00:33:25 --> 00:33:26
			No one is going to say that.
		
00:33:27 --> 00:33:28
			No one is going to say that.
		
00:33:29 --> 00:33:34
			And then suppose it as if, as if,
		
00:33:34 --> 00:33:37
			that the rest of the Quran has fulfilled
		
00:33:37 --> 00:33:38
			all the obligations.
		
00:33:39 --> 00:33:42
			It has fulfilled all the responsibilities in the
		
00:33:42 --> 00:33:43
			best way.
		
00:33:44 --> 00:33:45
			One is left, and the second, third and
		
00:33:45 --> 00:33:46
			fourth are half.
		
00:33:47 --> 00:33:48
			That's all there is to it.
		
00:33:48 --> 00:33:49
			One is not left.
		
00:33:50 --> 00:33:51
			If all are finished, there is a need
		
00:33:51 --> 00:33:52
			to invent a new one.
		
00:33:55 --> 00:33:56
			What a joke!
		
00:33:56 --> 00:33:59
			So, that's it.
		
00:33:59 --> 00:34:01
			Guys, don't get us started.
		
00:34:02 --> 00:34:04
			Our political correctness is already in question.
		
00:34:05 --> 00:34:06
			Let's move on.
		
00:34:06 --> 00:34:10
			Can a doctor facing any neurotic disorder, anxiety
		
00:34:10 --> 00:34:13
			himself become a good psychiatrist?
		
00:34:14 --> 00:34:17
			Also, is being sensitive in general a bad
		
00:34:17 --> 00:34:18
			trait to have?
		
00:34:20 --> 00:34:26
			So, doctors Yes, I know you.
		
00:34:26 --> 00:34:27
			I know myself.
		
00:34:30 --> 00:34:40
			So, it can be and it could not
		
00:34:40 --> 00:34:40
			be.
		
00:34:41 --> 00:34:48
			It can be just like an insider that
		
00:34:48 --> 00:34:53
			the way he knows a business, an outsider
		
00:34:53 --> 00:34:55
			cannot know it.
		
00:34:55 --> 00:35:00
			So, yes, doctors can be and if his
		
00:35:00 --> 00:35:08
			issues are not resolved, then if he comes
		
00:35:08 --> 00:35:15
			here and his own anxieties, his own conflicts
		
00:35:15 --> 00:35:21
			are not resolved, so he can be very
		
00:35:21 --> 00:35:24
			dangerous or even lethal for his patients too.
		
00:35:24 --> 00:35:27
			So, it can be.
		
00:35:28 --> 00:35:28
			Right.
		
00:35:28 --> 00:35:38
			So, we have a wounded healer that they
		
00:35:38 --> 00:35:41
			make better healers.
		
00:35:41 --> 00:35:44
			They have to empathize.
		
00:35:46 --> 00:35:52
			So, we don't want people who cannot empathize
		
00:35:54 --> 00:35:58
			to come to this profession because we know
		
00:35:58 --> 00:35:59
			what they have to do.
		
00:35:59 --> 00:36:02
			They're going to be serving pharmaceutical companies rather
		
00:36:02 --> 00:36:04
			than the patients that they vowed to serve.
		
00:36:05 --> 00:36:11
			So, if your psychological experiences give you, empower
		
00:36:11 --> 00:36:14
			you with that sensitivity and empathy, then this
		
00:36:14 --> 00:36:17
			is something of a meaning in your suffering.
		
00:36:18 --> 00:36:21
			What you've learned, pass on.
		
00:36:22 --> 00:36:24
			Yes, we do know that a lot of
		
00:36:24 --> 00:36:32
			people who go towards psychology and psychiatry, they
		
00:36:32 --> 00:36:36
			have suffered psychologically, anxiety, depression, and all kinds
		
00:36:36 --> 00:36:40
			of crises, but never sought professional help.
		
00:36:41 --> 00:36:48
			And they came into the field that they
		
00:36:48 --> 00:36:50
			would be treated while studying.
		
00:36:51 --> 00:36:58
			So, you cannot expect that you read all
		
00:36:58 --> 00:37:00
			the books on read all the books on
		
00:37:01 --> 00:37:02
			and see all the patients.
		
00:37:03 --> 00:37:05
			So, the old problems that you don't want
		
00:37:05 --> 00:37:08
			to talk to anyone about, they'll get better
		
00:37:08 --> 00:37:08
			on their own.
		
00:37:09 --> 00:37:11
			That's dangerous.
		
00:37:11 --> 00:37:13
			That's a very big risk to take.
		
00:37:14 --> 00:37:21
			Like Azam said, unidentified and unaddressed issues.
		
00:37:23 --> 00:37:27
			It may well be that your distorted lenses
		
00:37:27 --> 00:37:30
			are due to psychological problems.
		
00:37:30 --> 00:37:32
			You start seeing people through them.
		
00:37:32 --> 00:37:34
			You're seeing problems which are your problems and
		
00:37:34 --> 00:37:36
			not their problems.
		
00:37:36 --> 00:37:39
			And now you're looking to address that in
		
00:37:39 --> 00:37:39
			them.
		
00:37:39 --> 00:37:42
			So, that's going to be a huge complication.
		
00:37:42 --> 00:37:46
			So, at one level, a definite recommendation at
		
00:37:46 --> 00:37:51
			another level, a strong warning to who and
		
00:37:51 --> 00:37:52
			who are unaddressed.
		
00:37:52 --> 00:38:15
			So, recommend that you all the I
		
00:38:20 --> 00:38:23
			that you read all PGR as a patient.
		
00:38:26 --> 00:38:29
			Okay, I've been living at home in a
		
00:38:29 --> 00:38:32
			mentally and physically abusive family for the past
		
00:38:32 --> 00:38:34
			couple of months because of the pandemic and
		
00:38:34 --> 00:38:37
			my mental health has gotten really bad.
		
00:38:38 --> 00:38:41
			I can't leave but staying is toxic and
		
00:38:41 --> 00:38:44
			unbearable and I don't know how to cope.
		
00:38:44 --> 00:38:52
			So, first of all, my advice is that
		
00:38:52 --> 00:38:58
			if that family is definitely mentally or physically
		
00:38:58 --> 00:39:03
			or emotionally abusive, then you should leave and
		
00:39:03 --> 00:39:10
			the second possibility is that, for example, I'll
		
00:39:10 --> 00:39:12
			give you an example of a patient.
		
00:39:13 --> 00:39:15
			There was a patient who used to drink
		
00:39:15 --> 00:39:19
			and he came to me and he told
		
00:39:19 --> 00:39:22
			me his whole story that my father beats
		
00:39:22 --> 00:39:23
			me, my mother doesn't abuse me, my siblings
		
00:39:23 --> 00:39:25
			say bad things to me, all this happens
		
00:39:25 --> 00:39:27
			and the whole day they don't give me
		
00:39:27 --> 00:39:28
			money at home, they don't let me sit
		
00:39:28 --> 00:39:30
			in their shop, they do all this work
		
00:39:30 --> 00:39:34
			and the story goes like this that he
		
00:39:34 --> 00:39:35
			is a victim.
		
00:39:35 --> 00:39:38
			But when I involved the family, I found
		
00:39:38 --> 00:39:39
			out that he sits at home and drinks.
		
00:39:40 --> 00:39:41
			So, because of this, we do all this.
		
00:39:44 --> 00:39:49
			So, there is a possibility, I am not
		
00:39:49 --> 00:39:52
			saying that this is in this question, but
		
00:39:52 --> 00:39:57
			there is a possibility that someone is considering
		
00:39:57 --> 00:40:02
			it as abuse, the reason for considering it
		
00:40:02 --> 00:40:05
			is that he is not thinking properly about
		
00:40:05 --> 00:40:05
			it.
		
00:40:06 --> 00:40:09
			So, it can happen, but most of the
		
00:40:09 --> 00:40:10
			time it doesn't happen.
		
00:40:13 --> 00:40:19
			How to cope with it will depend on
		
00:40:19 --> 00:40:20
			the case-to-case basis.
		
00:40:21 --> 00:40:22
			I think this is similar to the first
		
00:40:22 --> 00:40:26
			question that we addressed when we said that
		
00:40:26 --> 00:40:29
			if a person identifies his depression or anxiety,
		
00:40:31 --> 00:40:33
			what are the triggers, what are the sources,
		
00:40:33 --> 00:40:36
			but he cannot do anything about them, then
		
00:40:36 --> 00:40:39
			how do they go about managing that depression
		
00:40:39 --> 00:40:40
			or anxiety.
		
00:40:40 --> 00:40:43
			So, whatever principles we laid down there that
		
00:40:43 --> 00:40:45
			what all you have to see, I think
		
00:40:45 --> 00:40:49
			this is one concrete situation of the same.
		
00:40:49 --> 00:40:52
			From the looks of it, a very severe
		
00:40:52 --> 00:40:57
			concrete situation, but we would definitely suggest that
		
00:40:57 --> 00:41:00
			you fall back to the answer to the
		
00:41:00 --> 00:41:03
			first question and see if you can find
		
00:41:03 --> 00:41:04
			something there.
		
00:41:08 --> 00:41:10
			Why do we have to be so suspicious
		
00:41:10 --> 00:41:12
			in reading all of these questions?
		
00:41:19 --> 00:41:24
			Because we have to explore all the dimensions,
		
00:41:24 --> 00:41:25
			we have to explore.
		
00:41:26 --> 00:41:28
			And psychiatrists are by training suspicious.
		
00:41:44 --> 00:41:49
			And when we find out what kind of
		
00:41:49 --> 00:41:52
			work we are doing, then at one point
		
00:41:52 --> 00:41:56
			in time, we definitely think that the boss
		
00:41:56 --> 00:41:57
			is scolding us.
		
00:41:59 --> 00:42:00
			Absolutely right.
		
00:42:00 --> 00:42:03
			And our being suspicious is obviously due to
		
00:42:03 --> 00:42:04
			such experiences.
		
00:42:05 --> 00:42:09
			The second is the self-deceptive potential in
		
00:42:09 --> 00:42:11
			every person's personality.
		
00:42:12 --> 00:42:16
			How can we deceive ourselves?
		
00:42:17 --> 00:42:19
			If as a human being, I have not
		
00:42:19 --> 00:42:23
			come to terms with that potential, then or
		
00:42:23 --> 00:42:26
			come to identify how do I deceive myself?
		
00:42:27 --> 00:42:28
			Where do I deceive myself?
		
00:42:29 --> 00:42:33
			Where are my good qualities?
		
00:42:34 --> 00:42:35
			Where are my bad qualities?
		
00:42:35 --> 00:42:38
			If I am not able to identify that,
		
00:42:38 --> 00:42:40
			then there is going to be a serious
		
00:42:40 --> 00:42:41
			challenge in my growth.
		
00:42:42 --> 00:42:43
			There is going to be a serious, and
		
00:42:43 --> 00:42:46
			what I am considering as growth, it may
		
00:42:46 --> 00:42:46
			well be cancer.
		
00:42:47 --> 00:42:52
			It may well be a cancerous neoplastic growth.
		
00:42:53 --> 00:42:56
			Right, so that's why we have that suspicion.
		
00:42:57 --> 00:43:00
			Ali is saying, is it suspicion or curiosity?
		
00:43:00 --> 00:43:02
			Is it suspicious versus curious?
		
00:43:03 --> 00:43:04
			Thank you, Ali.
		
00:43:08 --> 00:43:11
			This is like FCPS part 2 Vivek's question.
		
00:43:12 --> 00:43:13
			Kindly elaborate treatment of OCD.
		
00:43:13 --> 00:43:19
			So, that depends upon,
		
00:43:19 --> 00:43:27
			primarily on the severity.
		
00:43:28 --> 00:43:33
			There is a mild or even moderate severity.
		
00:43:34 --> 00:43:38
			So, we can go only for the psychological
		
00:43:38 --> 00:43:38
			management.
		
00:43:38 --> 00:43:43
			But we know there are cases where we
		
00:43:43 --> 00:43:45
			need medical treatment.
		
00:43:45 --> 00:43:48
			In fact, very aggressive medical treatment is also
		
00:43:48 --> 00:43:49
			required.
		
00:43:50 --> 00:43:52
			So, it won't be like that.
		
00:43:53 --> 00:43:57
			Ali, in simple words, somewhere it is from
		
00:43:57 --> 00:43:59
			psychotherapy and somewhere from medicines.
		
00:43:59 --> 00:44:00
			And somewhere from both.
		
00:44:02 --> 00:44:03
			Right.
		
00:44:04 --> 00:44:07
			And keeping all these things in mind, medicines
		
00:44:07 --> 00:44:09
			and psychotherapy will also be tailored.
		
00:44:10 --> 00:44:13
			As you have seen, when Azam or I
		
00:44:13 --> 00:44:17
			answer, the reason we say it depends upon,
		
00:44:17 --> 00:44:19
			is because every situation is going to be
		
00:44:19 --> 00:44:20
			unique.
		
00:44:20 --> 00:44:23
			Every OCD is not like other OCDs.
		
00:44:24 --> 00:44:30
			There are multiple, not multiple, every OCD is
		
00:44:30 --> 00:44:30
			unique.
		
00:44:30 --> 00:44:32
			Every OCD is different.
		
00:44:33 --> 00:44:36
			So, step 1, step 2, step 3, step
		
00:44:36 --> 00:44:36
			4.
		
00:44:37 --> 00:44:39
			This, this, this, this, this.
		
00:44:39 --> 00:44:40
			And that's it, OCD will be treated.
		
00:44:41 --> 00:44:41
			It doesn't happen like that.
		
00:44:42 --> 00:44:44
			We have to be, we have to understand
		
00:44:44 --> 00:44:47
			that the one in front of us is
		
00:44:47 --> 00:44:47
			a human.
		
00:44:48 --> 00:44:49
			Not a machine.
		
00:44:50 --> 00:44:52
			Whose one limb is damaged or the other
		
00:44:52 --> 00:44:52
			limb is damaged.
		
00:44:53 --> 00:44:56
			And until you bring the uniqueness of a
		
00:44:56 --> 00:45:00
			human to your attention, you can't cure it.
		
00:45:02 --> 00:45:04
			You can't cure it.
		
00:45:05 --> 00:45:11
			And specifically, this word, obsessive, I am obsessive
		
00:45:11 --> 00:45:12
			about this or that.
		
00:45:13 --> 00:45:16
			The way we use obsession in psychiatry, and
		
00:45:16 --> 00:45:17
			the way it is used in the local
		
00:45:17 --> 00:45:19
			language, it is very different.
		
00:45:20 --> 00:45:24
			Because of this, one of my standard recommendations
		
00:45:24 --> 00:45:25
			to most of the people that I am
		
00:45:25 --> 00:45:28
			working with who have OCD is don't Google.
		
00:45:28 --> 00:45:29
			It's God's name.
		
00:45:30 --> 00:45:32
			Even if you don't have an obsession, it
		
00:45:32 --> 00:45:33
			will start coming.
		
00:45:33 --> 00:45:37
			So, please, OCD and a lot of other
		
00:45:37 --> 00:45:39
			anxiety issues in particular, don't Google.
		
00:45:40 --> 00:45:41
			Do something else.
		
00:45:42 --> 00:45:43
			Don't Google.
		
00:45:44 --> 00:45:44
			Ask the ready person.
		
00:45:45 --> 00:45:46
			Don't Google.
		
00:45:46 --> 00:45:48
			Thank you very much.
		
00:45:50 --> 00:45:52
			All right.
		
00:45:52 --> 00:45:54
			Second last question.
		
00:45:54 --> 00:45:56
			How to develop the habit of consistency and
		
00:45:56 --> 00:46:01
			hard work when you have severe anxiety issues?
		
00:46:02 --> 00:46:05
			And I stop doing effort after some time
		
00:46:05 --> 00:46:08
			because it becomes so overwhelming and exhausting and
		
00:46:08 --> 00:46:12
			tiring, both physically and mentally, especially when I
		
00:46:12 --> 00:46:15
			don't see results coming soon.
		
00:46:21 --> 00:46:31
			When you have anxiety issues, when you have
		
00:46:31 --> 00:46:38
			any psychological challenge, that deserves to be understood
		
00:46:38 --> 00:46:40
			for what it is and where it's coming
		
00:46:40 --> 00:46:40
			from.
		
00:46:42 --> 00:46:42
			Right.
		
00:46:42 --> 00:46:47
			And first look at it.
		
00:46:48 --> 00:46:48
			Where?
		
00:46:49 --> 00:46:51
			Which kind of anxiety is it?
		
00:46:51 --> 00:46:54
			Where is it in your particular person arising
		
00:46:54 --> 00:46:54
			from?
		
00:46:55 --> 00:46:55
			Why?
		
00:46:55 --> 00:46:58
			We simply can't say that I have anxiety.
		
00:46:58 --> 00:46:59
			Why?
		
00:46:59 --> 00:46:59
			I don't know.
		
00:46:59 --> 00:46:59
			But there is.
		
00:47:01 --> 00:47:07
			I would be very skeptical of any idiopathic
		
00:47:07 --> 00:47:07
			explanation.
		
00:47:09 --> 00:47:10
			And I would agree with Dr. House in
		
00:47:10 --> 00:47:12
			saying that means they were idiots because we
		
00:47:12 --> 00:47:14
			don't know where it's coming from.
		
00:47:14 --> 00:47:16
			We have to try to understand.
		
00:47:16 --> 00:47:17
			Where is it coming from?
		
00:47:18 --> 00:47:19
			Try to address it first.
		
00:47:21 --> 00:47:21
			Right.
		
00:47:22 --> 00:47:27
			If it is being addressed in parallel, then
		
00:47:27 --> 00:47:31
			you have to cut yourself some slack whilst
		
00:47:31 --> 00:47:33
			continuing with the rest of your life.
		
00:47:33 --> 00:47:39
			Keep those expectations from yourself that were there
		
00:47:39 --> 00:47:43
			in the days before anxiety or in healthier
		
00:47:43 --> 00:47:44
			times.
		
00:47:44 --> 00:47:46
			You won't do this in any physical illness.
		
00:47:48 --> 00:47:51
			So you have to be a little, give
		
00:47:51 --> 00:47:55
			yourself some cushion that I have.
		
00:47:55 --> 00:47:56
			It's not that I'm going to take a
		
00:47:56 --> 00:47:58
			complete, give myself a clean shit, that I
		
00:47:58 --> 00:47:59
			don't do anything.
		
00:48:00 --> 00:48:03
			Nevertheless, expecting yourself to do exactly what you
		
00:48:03 --> 00:48:04
			were doing before that.
		
00:48:05 --> 00:48:06
			That's unfair.
		
00:48:06 --> 00:48:07
			That's unfair.
		
00:48:08 --> 00:48:08
			Right.
		
00:48:08 --> 00:48:10
			At the same time, we don't go towards
		
00:48:10 --> 00:48:11
			the other extreme.
		
00:48:11 --> 00:48:12
			Like I just said, I'm going to take
		
00:48:12 --> 00:48:12
			a clean shit.
		
00:48:12 --> 00:48:13
			I don't want to do anything.
		
00:48:14 --> 00:48:14
			Because I'm sick.
		
00:48:15 --> 00:48:15
			Self-victimization.
		
00:48:17 --> 00:48:23
			So we negotiate with whatever psychological challenges we're
		
00:48:23 --> 00:48:23
			dealing with.
		
00:48:24 --> 00:48:24
			Psychological challenge.
		
00:48:28 --> 00:48:29
			A lot of times.
		
00:48:38 --> 00:48:44
			You have to negotiate.
		
00:48:45 --> 00:48:46
			Come somewhere in the middle, depending on the
		
00:48:46 --> 00:48:49
			severity of the problem that we're dealing with.
		
00:48:55 --> 00:48:56
			Rather than.
		
00:49:09 --> 00:49:14
			That would be a better attitude to have
		
00:49:14 --> 00:49:17
			in meeting these challenges.
		
00:49:25 --> 00:49:27
			It may be performance anxiety.
		
00:49:28 --> 00:49:28
			Precisely.
		
00:49:29 --> 00:49:31
			So how would we address that?
		
00:49:55 --> 00:49:58
			Joe, Joe complexes.
		
00:50:05 --> 00:50:06
			Yes.
		
00:50:10 --> 00:50:11
			Please.
		
00:50:11 --> 00:50:11
			Yes.
		
00:50:11 --> 00:50:12
			Every.
		
00:50:13 --> 00:50:16
			Every intelligent person is afraid of stupidity.
		
00:50:18 --> 00:50:22
			And quite honestly, I had a case study,
		
00:50:22 --> 00:50:24
			a 16-year-old.
		
00:50:25 --> 00:50:27
			He came to me he was 3 years
		
00:50:27 --> 00:50:31
			old severe debilitating anxiety such anxiety that he
		
00:50:31 --> 00:50:33
			left his studies at the age of 16
		
00:50:33 --> 00:50:35
			he was sick when he came to me
		
00:50:35 --> 00:50:38
			he was 20 years old he left his
		
00:50:38 --> 00:50:40
			studies, left his job he doesn't do anything
		
00:50:40 --> 00:50:44
			nothing and he comes to me with a
		
00:50:44 --> 00:50:47
			list of I have this, I have this
		
00:50:47 --> 00:50:49
			I have this, I have this and I
		
00:50:49 --> 00:50:51
			am afraid that I will have this, I
		
00:50:51 --> 00:50:54
			will have this I will have this completely
		
00:50:54 --> 00:50:59
			copy-pasted checklists of what happens in anxiety
		
00:50:59 --> 00:51:04
			of what happens in obsession pseudo-psychotic kind
		
00:51:04 --> 00:51:09
			of phenomena as well everything the primary intervention
		
00:51:09 --> 00:51:11
			the one hour I spent with him the
		
00:51:11 --> 00:51:15
			first step you have to do is stop
		
00:51:15 --> 00:51:18
			reading about this stuff stop reading about this
		
00:51:18 --> 00:51:22
			stuff and gradually we worked so that he
		
00:51:22 --> 00:51:25
			could develop a positive routine and that's all
		
00:51:25 --> 00:51:28
			it took somebody who had not studied in
		
00:51:28 --> 00:51:31
			4 years was able to start his education
		
00:51:31 --> 00:51:34
			again he was able to start work parallel
		
00:51:34 --> 00:51:37
			with that he was able to start an
		
00:51:37 --> 00:51:43
			income source this is what Google can do
		
00:51:43 --> 00:51:47
			to people with anxiety now take medicines and
		
00:51:47 --> 00:51:49
			start reading its side effects this can happen,
		
00:51:49 --> 00:51:53
			this can happen, this can happen see the
		
00:51:53 --> 00:51:58
			way anxiety operates the way fear operates that
		
00:51:58 --> 00:52:01
			fear has the ability to realize its object
		
00:52:01 --> 00:52:07
			our psychological fear will be because psychological fear
		
00:52:07 --> 00:52:12
			our bodily functions to be more jargon jargon
		
00:52:13 --> 00:52:22
			sympathetic nervous system jargon jargon
		
00:52:24 --> 00:52:34
			jargon jargon jargon jargon jargon jargon jargon
		
00:52:37 --> 00:52:51
			jargon jargon jargon
		
00:52:51 --> 00:53:09
			jargon jargon jargon jargon jargon jargon
		
00:53:09 --> 00:53:11
			jargon jargon jargon jargon jargon jargon jargon jargon
		
00:53:13 --> 00:53:22
			jargon jargon jargon jargon jargon
		
00:53:28 --> 00:53:37
			jargon jargon jargon jargon jargon
		
00:53:37 --> 00:53:43
			jargon because of being an atheist everybody told
		
00:53:43 --> 00:53:45
			me that I have void in stress because
		
00:53:45 --> 00:53:51
			I am an atheist that's what it is
		
00:53:52 --> 00:54:06
			without being politically correct other
		
00:54:06 --> 00:54:10
			than there is or is not an atheist
		
00:54:10 --> 00:54:17
			what I think is more connected to what
		
00:54:17 --> 00:54:24
			kind of universe you think you are living
		
00:54:24 --> 00:54:29
			in if you are living in a universe
		
00:54:29 --> 00:54:39
			okay that is inherently meaningless and in
		
00:54:39 --> 00:54:45
			which every human life is as meaningless or
		
00:54:45 --> 00:54:48
			even the even more meaningless than the universe
		
00:54:48 --> 00:54:52
			itself then no matter you are an atheist
		
00:54:52 --> 00:54:55
			or even you are a Muslim even I
		
00:54:55 --> 00:55:18
			would say you are a learned Muslim chances
		
00:55:18 --> 00:55:26
			for towards sadness
		
00:55:26 --> 00:55:35
			that that you are
		
00:55:35 --> 00:55:40
			being is yeah are you you're being could
		
00:55:40 --> 00:55:45
			be purposeful or meaningful in this universe Jai
		
00:55:45 --> 00:55:54
			war universe inherently meaningful here you are less
		
00:55:54 --> 00:56:03
			but having a sense of
		
00:56:03 --> 00:56:09
			afterlife that definitely helps you in finding meaning
		
00:56:09 --> 00:56:15
			in this life and by having meaning having
		
00:56:15 --> 00:56:17
			a sense of meaning in this life it
		
00:56:17 --> 00:56:25
			prevents you against hopelessness helplessness worthless right so
		
00:56:25 --> 00:56:29
			I'm at a religious constructs religious beliefs a
		
00:56:29 --> 00:56:38
			coffee adaptive or coffee positive influences hang Amari
		
00:56:38 --> 00:56:42
			life Cooper Amari psychological health Cooper which if
		
00:56:42 --> 00:56:48
			you opt to be an atheist though most
		
00:56:48 --> 00:56:53
			are positive influences meaningfulness related and otherwise which
		
00:56:53 --> 00:56:57
			have cohabits which was major thing which routine
		
00:56:57 --> 00:56:59
			man and you can go on and on
		
00:56:59 --> 00:57:04
			and on about how different religious practices and
		
00:57:04 --> 00:57:09
			religious beliefs influence mental health positive job was
		
00:57:09 --> 00:57:11
			out of which now that void and that
		
00:57:11 --> 00:57:18
			gap has been created right so again to
		
00:57:18 --> 00:57:24
			our atheism on sorry Jisum alternative up or
		
00:57:24 --> 00:57:30
			kissy level pay the high then yes perhaps
		
00:57:30 --> 00:57:37
			you will have a defense or an adaptation
		
00:57:37 --> 00:57:41
			towards better mental health against sadness but again
		
00:57:41 --> 00:57:43
			having said that it has to be providing
		
00:57:43 --> 00:57:50
			all of those alternatives yes I recognition is
		
00:57:50 --> 00:57:55
			really a religion positive influences that particular kinds
		
00:57:55 --> 00:58:02
			of religiosity and that also leads to psychological
		
00:58:02 --> 00:58:05
			pathologies as well psychological problems as well we
		
00:58:05 --> 00:58:40
			know which
		
00:58:40 --> 00:58:42
			is where we are guessing this question is
		
00:58:42 --> 00:58:47
			coming from making this choice of becoming an
		
00:58:47 --> 00:58:57
			atheist is not without antecedents emotionally traumatic experiences
		
00:58:57 --> 00:59:01
			who a hotel a traumatic now he emotionally
		
00:59:01 --> 00:59:05
			troubling experiences who a hotel a that leads
		
00:59:05 --> 00:59:09
			for people to make this choice he can
		
00:59:09 --> 00:59:14
			see intellectual explanations a puny jaga pay the
		
00:59:14 --> 00:59:19
			choice is preceded by a lot of emotional
		
00:59:19 --> 00:59:24
			crises so just because of that to choose
		
00:59:24 --> 00:59:28
			to be an atheist and have the effect
		
00:59:28 --> 00:59:31
			of all of those emotional crises at the
		
00:59:31 --> 00:59:34
			same time will have to be addressed it
		
00:59:34 --> 00:59:38
			will have to be addressed right though in
		
00:59:38 --> 00:59:40
			a nutshell there's a lot more to be
		
00:59:40 --> 00:59:47
			said on that question itself but yeah that's
		
00:59:47 --> 00:59:50
			that's something that we have to consider seriously
		
00:59:50 --> 00:59:53
			I mean it's easy to be seriously after
		
00:59:53 --> 00:59:57
			life consensus meaning a by a sense of
		
00:59:57 --> 01:00:01
			anxiety we create a quick salvation anxiety of
		
01:00:01 --> 01:00:04
			the epoch either came in a bucket and
		
01:00:04 --> 01:00:12
			unless that anxiety is properly appraised understood channeled
		
01:00:12 --> 01:00:15
			it can be very debilitating as well did
		
01:00:15 --> 01:00:17
			not have a scope practically channeled can make
		
01:00:17 --> 01:00:19
			a meal home game was quite risk of
		
01:00:19 --> 01:00:22
			banging into me right so there is both
		
01:00:22 --> 01:00:26
			sides to it atheism can have benefits psychologically
		
01:00:26 --> 01:00:29
			as well but it will have a lot
		
01:00:29 --> 01:00:32
			of challenges that it opens the doors to
		
01:00:32 --> 01:00:38
			religious practice it protects yes but it has
		
01:00:38 --> 01:00:42
			its baggage it has issues that we have
		
01:00:42 --> 01:00:45
			seen and also need to be addressed like
		
01:00:45 --> 01:00:50
			mature level of religious practice will want to
		
01:00:50 --> 01:00:57
			address those psychological challenges along the way thank
		
01:00:57 --> 01:01:06
			you very much for your questions everyone
		
01:01:06 --> 01:01:09
			we hope we were able to shed some
		
01:01:09 --> 01:01:19
			light on your questions and obviously to apply
		
01:01:19 --> 01:01:22
			that into your concrete situations that's that takes
		
01:01:22 --> 01:01:27
			some doing that's not always that's not always
		
01:01:27 --> 01:01:29
			easily done right so but we do the
		
01:01:29 --> 01:01:32
			best we can we're trying to create this
		
01:01:32 --> 01:01:34
			psychological mindedness we're trying to create this awareness
		
01:01:34 --> 01:01:37
			to take these issues more seriously than they
		
01:01:37 --> 01:01:40
			are generally taken right so it is a
		
01:01:40 --> 01:01:44
			cautious every key we keep at it and
		
01:01:44 --> 01:01:45
			we're going to continue at it next week
		
01:01:45 --> 01:01:48
			as well right Azam and it was it
		
01:01:48 --> 01:01:52
			was a lot of people did not get