Yousuf Raza – PsychBaithak QnA Session 1
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I'll be back.
Alright.
Assalamu alaikum everyone and Assalamu alaikum.
You.
Alhamdulillah.
Okay.
So, um Yes, go on.
There's a lag.
Her question cut Joe answer.
Hum, they have he answer.
How are we her situation?
We have to take into consideration.
You have to be very careful in applying
particular answers to different situations, so as much
as we are going to explain as best
as we can, we would put caution out
there.
We would advise everyone to observe caution and
not thinking.
We learn from it, but we also understand
the uniqueness of each situation.
Chilling so I'll read out the first question
as if you can answer the first question.
How not to fret about one's marital economic
social future after working assiduously?
And please shed some light on the importance
of when and why of submitting and accepting
after you've played your part.
Gee, she can.
Other may is covered.
As well, God, you are bored.
Broadly, then I tell him that he will
kissy be particular condition pay fit number 10
like in her particular condition to be relevant
to rule.
Yeah, impossible hang up.
I'm going to be up in a future
cabaret may be coming up.
Yeah, impossible.
He can't do it.
You are ideal.
It's going to be good.
Can you do it?
I can build cool tension free or a
future cabaret may have a koi masala now.
I'm a koi tension now.
As I could be in yoga.
Zendagi as a new tea.
importance of when and why of submitting and
accepting after you've played your part.
either be very broadly speaking.
There is a part that you can play.
There is a part of that context.
You are the master of your own fate.
You are not the master of your own
fate.
Yes, you can channel through the conditions.
Yes, you can drive through the obstacles, but
you cannot design or you cannot envision the
future as you want to.
in situations.
That would be the anxiety that we would
manage beyond that.
We need to make our peace with the
anxiety that we're going to face and accept
it.
Accepting fate and recognizing that we have a
part to play.
Beyond that, there will be a lot of
situations that are going to be outside of
our control and we have to adjust accordingly.
Or.
Right.
Okay.
So, taking that forward to our next question.
To marry or not marry.
Should I marry X or Y or Z
or should I marry at all?
Yes.
Personally, I think then
he should go for it because we find
so much variation in personalities now.
It was a time when a homogenous type
of culture or society existed because of the
education, because of the information influx.
So, to
marry or not to marry.
I would say yes, of course, and not
because but
purely from a psychological point of view.
But you need someone to grow.
in which you can confide in, to which
you can share with.
There is a part of your personality.
then of course we then opt for not
marrying but there is a part of your
personality.
Like we all must have seen some or
the other instances where there were drastic changes
in the personality after marriage or even we
can easily say even after that a
new type of personality that cannot be there
without those grandchildren.
When you have options to marry different
people, right?
Rishta Hunt is going on.
Perhaps the questioner is looking for what should
they base their judgment on.
Having said that, there
will always be a mystery.
There will always be a space for the
leap of faith.
You will not be able to find someone
else only after you have completed the process.
I can say that exploring a new person
after marriage or even after any relationship is
a type of joy that you cannot attain
before that.
You cannot go like a business mind.
This will not happen because it is not
like you have 100,000 cars in the
market and you have to choose one of
them.
Whoever you meet is a unique person.
You should always keep this in mind.
There will be a part of that person
that you will get to know This is
better than just like a car.
You will get to know about a person
in 2, 3 or 4 months.
What happens after 4 months?
It happens with a car or a phone.
New phone, new car.
The element of mystery has to be there.
That is part of the fun of it.
That is part of the excitement.
Anxiety provoking, yes, but growth is also promised
in such situations.
Where there is risk, chances and opportunities for
growth will present themselves.
Great.
Another point that I would like to add
to the answer you gave to the second
part.
There is a part of our personality which
cannot grow if we do not go into
a marital relationship.
Right?
And then a part of our personality which
cannot grow if we do not go towards
parenthood.
But then there will be people who will
ask the question that if by fate, marriage
is not possible or is not happening or
children are not possible biologically or for whatever
reason.
So does that make us incomplete individuals?
Is our identity, is there something wrong?
Is our identity incomplete?
If we understand this from an example, the
first thing is that there is no question
of being complete or incomplete or perfect or
imperfect here.
If we take the example of two There
is a couple who have two or three
children.
There is a couple who have no children
or only one child.
And there is a third couple who have
no children.
Now in these three couples, even if we
do not go to the children, the relationship
between the husband and wife will be completely
different.
Where there is one child in that house,
the relationship between the child and the husband
and wife will be completely different.
And what we talked about earlier that children
give an opportunity to grow a part of
the personality.
But in exactly the same way, a marriage
in which there are no children.
Now they have a lot of time for
each other.
So they give a different type of opportunity
to grow a different part of the personality.
So it is not like that one is
better, one is bad, one is good, one
is not good.
And Ayushabhai, maybe we do not have a
chart that even not getting married gives you
a different type of opportunity.
But what we talked about earlier, its relationship
will be that you have spent a great
deal of your life without marriage.
Now it is time to grow the other
part of your personality.
Now it is time to grow the other
part So the opportunities for growth are available
in different situations.
And if the lens through which you are
looking at life is one which is looking
for these opportunities, it is actively in search
of these opportunities, then whatever the situation, the
results promised to be, they promise to lead
for your personality to grow if you adopt
the right attitude and make the right choices.
Right?
Ayushabhai?
Yes, definitely.
A very tangent example, which also came to
my mind, if we understand it like this,
in our normal discourse, going to jail is
equivalent to cutting opportunities.
Right.
That you are not able to receive anything,
you are not able to do anything.
But at least in Pakistan and outside Pakistan,
we get a lot of examples that a
lot of writers, Faiz, Mulana Maududi, Syed Kuttab,
and other hopeless people.
Malcolm X.
Malcolm X.
His best texts are those that he wrote
in jail.
So it provided a different kind of opportunity
to them that those who have
achieved outside the jail, that potential of theirs
gets neglected.
So every situation, it provides us with a
certain kind of potential.
He himself didn't go to jail out of
shock that he was going to jail to
It was a situation that was enforced upon
them.
Similarly, if we look at the suffering situations
present, we don't go around looking to put
ourselves through that kind of suffering and pain.
Avoid it.
If it brings that suffering to you, then
yes, we look for those opportunities for growth.
Moving right along.
Next question.
I have consciously realized that I have a
habit of jealousy, but I don't know how
to leave this habit and not to get
jealous when I see others getting what I
like or achieving something.
Looking forward for some suggestions.
That's a difficult question.
Uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh
uh uh uh uh
uh uh uh uh uh uh uh
uh uh uh uh uh
yes now it is problematic.
So, uh it will depend upon situation to
situation.
jealousy uh if
you can see I would just carry what
you said forward jealousy as a feeling.
It's something natural.
It may even be good if it leads
for us um and whatever it is that
we're aspiring to get as a feeling natural
uh is evil
jealousy um that's
going to be a consequence of not recognizing
how natural the feeling of jealousy is is
natural feelings of jealousy unconscious like
as i said to recognize how natural the
feeling is how important that recognition is that
is how we gauge ourselves that is how
we see where it's all going so um
we hope that somewhat addresses the question for
example anxiety or mood disorders like depression or
bipolar disorder do people ever get cured of
these or is it something they have to
learn to deal with for the rest of
their lives um
yes uh yes
there is a uh but
that is not the case with everyone
um
yes um
so uh
illnesses
um um
so it depends upon condition to condition biopsychosocial
um
um
i
think medical
illnesses life-long illness it's
so
that
results in such questions uh
depression depression
relationship
of course emotional
of course
depression is not like aids for that matter
case mental
illnesses so mental
illnesses have resulted in life-changing experiences for
a lot of people if they're managed appropriately
they become better human beings
psychosis right
um okay emotional
laziness and demotivation that students and people experience
and get out of it either by themselves
uh or by motivational lectures from their mates
friends and elders i am going to talk
about something else the kind of emptiness and
laziness you end up with which is long
lasting like for years jia uh um
if this is something that is going on
for years and years and years then there
is a problem underlying it that has not
been identified i would look at this demotivation
and laziness as a symptom okay and it
can be a symptom of any one of
illnesses or syndromes perhaps isolation there
may be maybe a person for example is
struggling with an understanding of meaning in life
right and considers their life to be generally
meaningless so yes laziness and demotivation will be
a natural consequence of of a lack of
meaning in life or a feeling that life
is meaningless right so maybe the question uh
maybe the problem relates to that um okay
right so that has to be explored life
is believed to be meaningful then there should
be some level of uh pursuit of that
meaning naturally occurring if it's not then we
uh again explore what's going on anything you
want to add to that uh for
a very long time hypothyroid going
on so biological
causes there are certain psychological
causes that are not existential if someone has
gone through very harsh childhood self-confidence despite
being passionate about certain things he is not
willing to go for that thing those of
us those of you who have been watching
us for quite some time will realize that
most of our answers that we give uh
they will find biological reasons they will find
psychological reasons they will find social reasons and
existential reasons right laziness
originate we have to uh
explore all areas on
account
of a lack of meaning in life or
not feeling that they the life is meaningful
relationships are going to be suffering now those
interpersonal relationships are going to make that mood
even lower even worse even more frustrated angry
irritable etc and these they're like multiple vicious
cycles going on so now there may be
biological problems that arise right so those will
need to be addressed be addressed as well
similarly childhood crisis traumatic experience psychological cause that
is leading for them to have no concern
about spiritual pursuits in their life right so
we we we look at all of that
okay we keep going next question can stress
be the cause of persistent low-grade fever
for months it's been more than five months
when all basic medical reports are fine yes
and no they
can subjective feeling of fatigue lethargy subjective feeling
only only so
stress is cannot be the cause of such
a fever that is more likely low-grade
infection but
stress cannot be cause of fever if anything
maximum at max stress up key long term
immunity low so we
should definitely be
looking for more than just the five the
the basic medical tests we need proper exploration
we have to
be very very diligent okay
every possible medical physical cause is explored our
psychiatrist only reliant on giving medications or can
they appoint therapy sessions by not relying completely
on medicine if therapy works yes it's a
double negatives a question yes that would depend
upon condition therapy solely therapy
it could be counterproductive okay practically
so that is a tragedy of our field
right that we are the first ones to
acknowledge and we openly declare psychiatric malpractice therapy
okay ideal adequately trained in doing so but
those who completely deny okay that's bad psychiatry
those are horrible psychiatrists wherever they may be
no matter what rank they have no matter
how much experience they have we can categorically
say that's bad bad psychiatry by any standards
okay okay
okay okay
hmm
okay if a person develops a mental illness
is there any chance for it being inherited
and it is passed down does the offspring
inherit it or develop vulnerability towards it yes
okay okay
okay okay okay okay
okay okay some
of the illnesses they increase the chances and
in some other illnesses they does not affect
inheritance but having said that okay okay okay
okay okay okay
okay okay okay okay okay
okay right okay okay okay
okay okay um
there are genetic links one-to-one correspondence
that's not what it is one percent that
does not necessitate online 50
percent genes
inherited okay okay even uh so
uh should they be getting married should they
be having children and as far as whatever
experience and studies we have evidence that we
have there is no uh reason to suggest
with the fear from
all such possibilities increase somewhat and we do
take that into consideration and we advise precautions
all the more i
wake
up
in the morning and start to feel stressed
i wake up stressed and anxious it usually
ends at four or five it has become
really hard to cope with it my productivity
has become zero in anything because of this
i can't focus and i feel breathless i
want to cry crying helps what is happening
to me uh uh uh uh
but these
could be an early signs or even well
-developed signs of uh depression or even anxiety
or explore productivity
it
should
be explored more definitely it needs to be
assessed uh and it has to be uh
managed uh so we can see where we
don't want this to worsen we don't we
will never say we're not going to give
any such advice uh we will say this
needs to be explored uh
um so we are pretty much done thank
you all for sending in your questions from
the looks of things is going to be
a q a like this one so all
of you are encouraged to continue to send
in your questions or we will select questions
from what you've sent in and most of
the questions do get selected or
um um so uh we have
this um we're trying we're going to try
to do this every month uh to keep
bringing your questions in and uh we will
try to answer them as best as possible
uh we have a plan uh but uh
uh do you want uh we
are trying to lure in uh anthropologist from
us and uh her interest is in cultural
uh the relevance of culture for the psychiatry
and also she is very interested in the
pathology of self-help books so we are
going to try to identify self
-help books possibly next week so
uh we're going to go into detail of
uh self-help book and the possible pathology
the possible harm the uh social problems that
these self-help books may result in so
thank you all for participating thank you all
for being a part of our show sending
in your questions okay