Yousef Bakeer – How To Deal With A Narcissist
AI: Summary ©
The segment discusses the history ofductions made by Prophet Muhammad as a means of protecting themselves from punishment and the wrath of the gods. It also touches on the common traits of a narcissist, including self-exaltation, desire for control, and lack of empathy. The narcissist's desire to challenge all-speaking people in the world and make mistakes is his motto. The segment ends with a description of Firestone's transformation from being a god-like person to a god-like person with mistakes leading to mistakes and mistakes.
AI: Transcript ©
I bear witness that there is no god
but Allah, and that Muhammad is His servant
and Messenger.
Allah SWT says in the Quran, يَا أَيُّهَا
الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا اتَّقُوا اللَّهَ حَقَّ تُقَاتِهِ وَلَا تَمُوتُنَّ
إِلَّا وَأَنْتُمْ مُسْلِمُونَ He says, all believers have
taqwa in Allah SWT, which means that we
should be conscious of Him, we should be
aware of Him.
And we should protect ourselves from His punishment
and His wrath.
And we should never die except in a
state of submission to Allah SWT.
I begin my khutbah by asking Allah SWT
first and foremost to send blessings and prayers
upon our Habib, our Rasul, Allah SWT, may
the peace, mercy, and blessings of Allah be
upon our Prophet Muhammad and his family and
companions.
My dear brothers and sisters in Islam, السلام
عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته SubhanAllah, the book of
Allah SWT, the Quran, is a unique book.
Because this book speaks to the people, speaks
to me, speaks to you, and speaks to
us about ourselves, understanding ourselves, understanding our different
personalities, understanding how we interact with each other.
By the way, Allah could have just sent
a book that speaks about Him, you know,
focusing on His names and attributes as the
Khaliq.
But what's very unique about this book is
that it's a combination of both, about our
Creator and about ourselves as well.
And subhanAllah, you know, one of the things
that we really want to comprehend and internalize
in today's khutbah is that one of the
traits of the human being that exists in
some of the human beings is this concept
of narcissism.
And Allah SWT has mentioned the most classical
narcissist in the world throughout the history, and
that is Fir'aun.
And Allah has mentioned his story, and specifically
in Surah Al-Shu'ara, Allah SWT has
mentioned a debate that happened between Musa AS
and Fir'aun.
By the way, this debate is amazing, it's
a great debate, to the point that Allah
has documented this debate in the Qur'an
for billions of people to read it and
to seek guidance from it.
That's a real debate right here.
And in this debate, Allah SWT is showing
us how Musa AS interacted with a narcissist.
And Allah SWT, He actually also highlighted what
are the traits of a narcissist, in the
shape of Fir'aun at this point.
What characteristics Fir'aun had that highlighted how
narcissist he is.
That was mentioned also in this debate.
So before diving into this great debate, I
just want us to understand that there are
common traits for a narcissist.
Some of them is self-exaltation, desire for
control, manipulation, lack of empathy, fragile ego, and
guilt trippings.
These are common traits.
And all of them exist in this debate
between Musa and Fir'aun.
So let's see how did this debate start.
Now just a little context, we all know
the story of Prophet Musa AS.
There was a child and Fir'aun decided
to kill all of the males who would
be born this year.
Allah has sent a Wahy to the mother
of Musa to put him in a basket.
He was saved, but he arrived to the
door of the palace of Fir'aun.
He got to live with Fir'aun for
years.
And then he made the mistake by killing
somebody unintentionally.
And then as a result, he had to
escape.
And he became a homeless, jobless, and lost.
And then Allah SWT has saved him, gave
him a family, gave him a job.
And after that Allah SWT has made him
a Rasul.
That's just a quick summary of the life
of Prophet Musa up to the point where
he's about to go back to confront Fir
'aun now.
Now Allah SWT, obviously, you know, Musa was
terrified to meet Fir'aun.
Because he escaped from his palace.
But Allah has given him a command to
go and to challenge Fir'aun in his
palace.
To talk to Fir'aun in his palace.
And Prophet Musa told him, Ya Allah, I
even have a stutter.
I don't know if I'm gonna be able
to challenge somebody with this profile.
And I even struggle with my speech.
Then Allah SWT has told him, Just take
your brother with you, Harun, and say the
dua, and go, Bismillah.
And we all know the beautiful dua that
Prophet Musa AS made before the debate.
To just renew his intention and seek Allah's
assistance and guidance.
He said, Ya Allah, give me comfort, expand
my chest.
Give me comfort.
Just make my affairs easy.
Make it easy on me, Ya Allah.
Just free my tongue.
Let me speak, you know, with ease.
Make me eloquent.
And make people understand what I'm talking about.
Make my speech powerful.
Now he has made this dua, now he
entered the palace of Fir'aun.
As he was entering the palace, Fir'aun
is right in the front, sitting in his
throne.
Around him, all of the Israelites.
And Prophet Musa standing right in front of
him.
And then Prophet Musa with all confidence, he
requested two things from Fir'aun.
He told him, I'm here for two things.
Right away.
He said, I'm here to, first and foremost,
I want the Malak, your Malak, the Israelites
to come with me.
And the second thing, I want you to
believe that Allah is the creator of all
universes.
He's your creator and my creator.
إِنَّ رَسُولُ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِينَ أَرْسِلْ مَعَنَا بَنِي إِسْرَائِيلٍ
Two simple things.
We are the prophets of Allah, Allah the
creator.
Send with us your Malak, your people.
Obviously you may think that this is a
crazy ask.
I mean, you're just coming, you're weak, you
have no power.
And you're just challenging the most tyrant man
in the history of human beings.
And you're just telling them, just give me
your people.
I want you to acknowledge that I'm a
prophet and Allah is your creator and my
creator.
Who would submit to this?
But let's see what happens.
Now, Fir'auri's response to this, he said,
قَالَ أَلَمْنُ رَبِّكَ فِينَا وَلِيدًا وَلَبِثْتَ فِينَا مِنْ
عُمْرِكَ سِنِينًۭ وَفَعَلْتَ فَعْلَتَكَ الَّتِي فَعَلْتَ وَأَنْتَ مِنَ
الْكَافِرِينَ The first sign of narcissism is coming
up, right now, right in this sentence.
I'm requesting from you something, I'm asking you
to do something.
And the response should be addressing this, you
know, ask.
That's just the normal way to address a
request.
No, that's not the normal way for a
narcissist to respond to a request.
A narcissist, he thinks that his desires and
his needs and his ego come first.
I will not even respond to you.
In these sentences, Pharaoh didn't even acknowledge what
Moses A.S. is asking.
He told him, do you still remember that
we took care of you?
And, you know, for years we've been spending
all of this money on you, providing to
you this education and this healthcare and all
of the privileges that you had in my
house.
You see here, he did not acknowledge the
ask of Moses A.S. Rather, he did
something that's very known in psychology, that's guilt
trippings.
He is reminding him by the favors that
he has made towards him to manipulate him
emotionally.
That's a trait of narcissist right here.
You know, I'm just making you feel terrible
about yourself, that I have done certain favors
towards you at some point.
That's a way that narcissist will definitely embody.
Now, how was the response of Moses A
.S.? By the way, he has added one
more sentence.
A, I will remind you by all the
favors that I have done towards you.
B, فعلت فعلتك التي فعلت وأنت من الكافري.
He said, you know, I want to remind
you that you have done a mistake.
Don't remember the mistake that you have done
when you killed this man.
I want you to be guilty.
I want to put you down because you
have done a mistake.
I'm not going to let it go.
I will make sure that I control you
because I know for a fact that I
know that you have made a mistake.
And I will take advantage of that.
That goes back to desire for control.
That's one of the traits of narcissism.
Even though in Islam, we believe in a
second chance.
This concept of repentance.
You make a mistake, you ask Allah to
forgive you and you move on.
This is how Islam works.
But obviously for a narcissist, no, it doesn't
work this way.
I will make sure that I control you
by mentioning your mistake.
Now, how was the response of Moses and
how different his response to Pharaoh's response?
Now, Moses Alayhi Salaam, Allah is beautiful.
He said to him, قَالَ فَعَلْتُهَا إِذَا وَأَنَا
مِنَ الضَّالِّينَ فَفَرَّرْتُ مِنْكُمْ لَمَّا خِفْتُكُمْ فَوَهَبَ لِي
رَبِّي حُكْمًا وَجَعَلَنِي مِنَ الْمُرْسَلِينَ He told him,
you know what, I will take responsibility.
I will take responsibility over my mistakes.
I will hold myself accountable for my mistake.
I will not dismiss my mistake.
I will turn the mirror towards myself and
say, well, I have done wrong.
And then he said, فَفَرَّرْتُ مِنْكُمْ لَمَّا خِفْتُكُمْ
In addition to this, I was terrified.
To be honest, I was terrified that you
may come after me.
And then I've changed.
And when I changed, Allah عز و جل
وَهَبَ لِي رَبِّي حُكْمًا وَجَعَلَنِي مِنَ الْمُرْسَلِينَ Allah
عز و جل has showered me with blessings.
I started fresh again.
I gave myself a second chance and Allah
has given me this second chance.
And as a result, Allah even has made
me among the prophets.
أَنَا مِنَ الْمُرْسَلِينَ You see the difference?
Musa عليه السلام's response, he's not ignoring or
dismissing what Fir'aun is saying just like
he did when Musa عليه السلام requested from
him to send his Malak with him.
He did not do the same.
He took responsibility of what he has done.
That's a trait of a man with honor
and a man who has good character.
Now, what was the response?
It was just a game, like back and
forth.
Fir'aun now, he told him, قَالَ فَعَلْتُهَا
إِذَا وَتِلْكَ نِعْمَةٌ تَمُنُّهَا عَلَيَّ أَنْ عَبَّدْتَ بَنِي
إِسْرَائِيلٌ Now he said, I've done this mistake,
but now I want you actually to acknowledge
your own mistakes.
You have been humiliating the Israelites and you
had taken these people as slaves.
How dare you do this?
You see, when you confront a narcissist, you
never want to show weakness.
You have to stay steady.
You don't punch.
You be powerful.
You don't get humiliated.
You don't get intimidated.
And that's exactly what Musa a.s. has
done.
I told him, you know, I took responsibility
on my mistakes, definitely.
But what about you?
Now, would you take responsibility over the horrific
act of taking all of these people as
slaves and claiming that you're God?
Would you take that responsibility?
And then obviously, Fir'aun, he just dismissed
everything that has been said, obviously.
And now, what triggered Fir'aun, is that
Musa was talking about a higher power and
a God that was more powerful than him.
That's what triggered him.
And what triggers really any narcissist is his
ego.
When you mess with his ego, now you
get problems.
So now, Fir'aun said, قَالَ فِرْعَوْنُ وَمَا
رَبُّ الْعَالَمِينَ Who is this God that you
have been talking about?
Who is this God?
مَا رَبُّ الْعَالَمِينَ And then Musa a.s.,
he stayed committed to the cause.
And he looked at this as an opportunity
for da'wah.
He told him, قَالَ رَبُّ السَّمَوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضِ وَمَا
بَيْنَهُمَا إِن كُنتُم مُّقِنِينَ He is the Lord
of Heavens.
And He is the Lord of Earth.
And He is the Lord in between them.
If you may be a believer, if you
comprehend, you will understand that there is a
higher power.
Now he started, you know, he is still
committed to the cause.
He is not shifting, he is not deviating
from the main cause.
That's one thing that you need to do
and I need to do when facing a
person like this.
You don't shift from your own cause.
You stay committed.
قَالَ رَبُّ السَّمَوَاتِ وَالْأَرْضِ وَمَا بَيْنَهُمَا إِن كُنتُم
مُّقِنِينَ قَالَ لِمَنْ حَوْلَهُ أَلَا تَسْتَمِعُونَ Obviously, Fir
'aun continued with the way of mocking Musa
Alayhi Salaam, putting him down, making fun of
him, belittling him, making sure that he is
worthless.
He wants people to look at him like
this because eventually when he is worthless, now
he is, you know, big in the eyes
of the people around him.
That's a tactic.
So he told the people around him, do
you guys see what he is saying?
He is just like trying to make fun
of him in front of the Malak of
Fir'aun.
Now, قَالَ رَبُّكُمْ And then now, Musa Alayhi
Salaam continued, he stayed committed to the cause.
He told him, قَالَ رَبُّكُمْ وَرَبُّ آبَأُكُمْ الْأَوَّلِينَ
He said, yes, yes, he is the god,
and he is the god of my fathers
and my ancestors, and he is the creator
of this universe.
Yes, that's something that you should not be,
you know, making fun of.
Now, قَالَ إِنَّ رَسُولَكُمْ أَلَّذِي أُرْسِلَ إِلَيْكُمْ لَمَجْنُونَ
Fir'aun responded to this and said, you
see the back and forth, it's a game.
Now, when there is no logic now, because
Musa Alayhi Salaam has brought to him that
there is no way you can be god,
and the god is the one who created
you and me, the creator of the universe,
you have no point.
You know what Fir'aun did?
He started now insulting Musa and getting personal.
We were talking about the cause now, we
were talking about, you know, what's logical.
We are rationalizing our, you know, our arguments.
Why did you shift?
He said, إِنَّهُ لَمَجْنُونَ It's just like, this
man is crazy, man.
He doesn't know what he's talking about.
He's getting personal.
You see?
And then Musa Alayhi Salaam also stayed committed
to the cause.
So he brought back and said, قَالَ رَبُّ
الْمَشْرِقِ وَالْمَغْرِبِ وَمَا بَيْنَهُمَا إِن كُنتُمْ تَعْقِلُونَ And
then he said, there is no way, because
all the place that we're at now, the
east and the west and what's in between,
everything in this universe belongs to somebody who
is higher than you, man.
Somebody who is actually more powerful than you.
And that is Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala.
Just like, keep knocking on the same point,
over and over and over.
Beautiful.
Now, Fir'aun took a different shift.
He said, قَالَ لَإِن اتَّخَذْتَ إِلَهًا غَيْرِي لَأَجْعَلَنَّكَ
مِّنَ الْمَسْجُونِينَ He said, now, I couldn't really
win you in arguments, and when I fail
to win you in arguments, what do I
do?
I would actually go and show you aggression.
Now I would say, if you don't believe
in me as God, I will send you
to jail.
It's like, what happened to the logic?
We've been just having a conversation.
Why did you shift that quick?
Why now you're actually, you know, abusing your
power?
And that's another trait.
Why are you actually, you know, abusing your
power?
And because you have authority over me, I'm
a man who has no army, who got
nothing.
And you are, you know, a leader of
an army.
Now why do you abuse your own power?
لَأَجْعَلَنَّكَ مِّنَ الْمَسْجُونِينَ قَالَ أَوَلَوْ جِئْتُكَ بِشَيْءٍ مُّبِينٍ
Allah.
By the way, that's turning point in the
story.
Musa Alayhis Salaam said, What if I show
you something that proves that you're not God?
Why do I say that this is the
turning point?
Because Musa Alayhis Salaam, when he told him,
what about I show you something, I show
you a miracle, so you believe that I'm
the messenger?
A narcissist here would not accept this.
But there is a mistake that Firaun has
made by accepting this challenge.
Because Firaun know for a fact that if
he were to accept this challenge, he will
get destroyed.
Because he know for a fact that Musa
Alayhis Salaam is a messenger, and he's not
God.
And he knows that he's not God.
But his ego got in the way to
the point that it made him blind to
accept something that he knows for a fact
that that will actually fire back towards him.
So he said, I will accept the challenge.
He's like, what?
That was the turning point.
Because things got downhill after this.
And it's a domino effect.
That was the first mistake that Firaun has
made.
And after this, many mistakes came in the
way.
He said, yes, I'm accepting the challenge.
Allah Azawajal has sent Musa Alayhis Salaam with
a miracle of just turning his stick to
be a snake.
And then he's just like showing his hand,
and his hand was bright.
He got all of the power that Allah
Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala has given Musa Alayhis
Salaam.
And after that, Firaun, when he got defeated,
he made another mistake.
He said, no, no, no, no.
What about we actually gather everybody and show
me really what you got, and I will
be calling my magicians, and we'll see what's
gonna happen.
You see, now he's making more mistakes.
He knows for a fact that this is
not magic.
He knows for a fact that Musa Alayhis
Salaam is a messenger.
He knows for a fact that he's not
a lord.
But his ego is getting in the way.
His ego is destroying him.
Now what happened is, okay, call your people.
Allah Azzawajal has sent another mu'ajiza, and
two different mu'ajizat, two different miracles, to
the point that he actually showed Firaun that
he is a false god.
And all of the Israelites believed with Prophet
Musa Alayhis Salaam.
And he did not stop then.
Even with all of this, he did not
stop.
You know what did he do?
He said, okay, I will call my army,
and I will come after you.
I will make sure I destroy you.
You know that he is the messenger of
Allah.
And you're still challenging this?
You're still challenging the fact that you are
not a god?
Yes, I'm still challenging this.
And he thinks that his army will actually
get his back.
And we all know the ending of Firaun.
The ending of Firaun was very tragic.
Because he has confronted Musa all the way
to the sea.
And Allah Azza wa Jal has destroyed Firaun
and his people.
Yes, you may think you have the best
army in the world.
You may think you have the best army
in the world, that you are undefeatable, that
you can destroy any country, or destroy any
army, or destroy any nation.
And once you get to this level, once
you are blind, and you're inhuman, you never
want to underestimate Allah's power.
Because Allah has his own army.
And you cannot bear Allah's army.
You cannot bear Allah's army.
We ask Allah Azza wa Jal to make
us among those who embody the character of
Prophet Musa Alayhi Salaam.
May Allah forgive
me
and you.