Yousef Bakeer – Five Things To Consider Before Marriage
AI: Summary ©
The challenges of marriage are discussed, including the belief that it is difficult to address and the need for more research. The importance of protecting oneself from punishment and desire for a better life is emphasized. The speaker emphasizes the importance of having a plan and being responsible for one's finances to avoid harming their relationship. The speaker also highlights common mistakes that marriage will fix personal issues and lead to marriage, including problems of personal issues, financial, and emotions. It is emphasized that marriage will fix these issues and prioritize education and pursuing a degree while marriage.
AI: Summary ©
Muhammadan Abu Asmaa,
mobari Kala Nabi Na wa Habibi
na Muhammad, Ali Ali wa sah Abu Asmaa, says, All believers have
taqwa in Allah azza wa jal, which means that
we should be conscious of him. We should be aware of him, and we
should protect ourselves from his punishment and his wrath. And we
should never die, except in a state of ILAHA, illallah,
Muhammad, Rasulullah, sallAllahu, alayhi wa sallam, state of
submission to our Lord, to our maker. I begin my khutbah by
asking Allah, subhana wa taala, first and foremost, to send
prayers and blessings upon our Habib, our Rasul, our Prophet,
salallahu, alayhi wa sallam, Allah Mubarak, Allah abduka, habibika,
muhammadin, Wali. He was Abhi. He was Salim, Tesla and kathirah, My
Dear Brothers and Sisters in Islam as salaam alaikum, warahmatullahi,
wabarakatuh.
Couple of years ago, I sent a survey to American Muslims.
I actually was targeting, you know, young Muslims. And I asked
very simple questions, two questions,
if you are considering marriage, why do you want to marry? What is
the reason. Then the second question was, if you are married,
then why is it that you still thriving through this marriage,
trying to make things work through this marriage? Why is it that you
still married?
Two things First, if you want to consider marriage. Why do you want
to consider marriage? What is the reason? What is the motive?
And the second question was, if you are married, what is keeping
you in this relationship? Now, as I was going through the responses
this morning, I figured that Subhanallah, that challenges that
Muslims face is still very valid until today. I mean, we're not
talking about a long time ago, talking about a couple of years
ago, but it looks like this is one of the most challenges, one of the
one of the challenges is really threatening the Muslim community
and the West and specifically in America, one of the issues that we
really need to give a lot of attention into it. This is one of
the biggest threats to the Muslim community marriage.
There is a big problem. There big problem to pursue marriage. That's
one aspect. Finding the right spouse
is very challenging,
very challenging. And then getting married and keeping this marriage,
especially in the first five years, is very challenging. The
divorce rate is actually increasing in the first five years
of marriage. So obviously, there is a real issue right here that we
want to address. We cannot be silent about it. We have to talk
about it. We have no other alternatives, no other options but
to talk about it and to address it and to have conversations about
it. As of Allah, I summarized five points because I know, due to the
limitations of the khutbah, limitations of the time of the
khutbah,
I only want to cover five points, and I will go through it really
quickly, maybe two minutes for each point. Inshallah, so again,
the question, why do you want to marry?
And I got good responses, actually,
some of these responses talking about, I felt chastity. Some said,
you know, I want to marry because I want a companionship.
Some others said, Well, we actually want to explore the
world. We want to have good time.
And subhanAllah. These are good answers,
but there is one answer that I was looking for that I didn't get.
Why do you want to marry? There has to be something higher than
this, a reason that's a little higher or not a little much.
Obviously
we're going to protect ourselves from the fitten sure we want to,
you know, protect our, you know, our our faith through lowering our
gaze and having a halal alternative. That's obviously
something that.
That's that's very noble, and it's rooted in our shayah. But there
has to be something that's higher than that, and that is Subhanallah
is just looking at Prophet Zakaria ay Salaam. He was making dua to
Allah azza wa jal, and he said, Rabbi habili Mill.
He is identifying the ultimate goal of marriage. He said, I want
an offspring. I want to build a family. And I want children that
they can come and they can continue my legacy once I go to my
grave. I want children that they can actually benefit me and my
grave. We all know the Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu, sallam,
when he said three things, the only three things that can benefit
me and you in our graves. One of them is, well, abusal, a righteous
child that can make dua for you after you pass. This idea of
legacy, by the way, is not only an Islamic concept. Obviously, it's,
it's also, you know, Western concept, secular concept, is to
actually have somebody who can, you know, continue my legacy. But
there is a, there is a difference, and I will highlight this. But
just like it is definitely a secular concept. I mean, you know,
LeBron James is a great basketball player, and now he's investing in
his son. Him along his son, are going to play in the NBA for the
very first time. It's exciting. Has his own son wants to actually,
you know, continue his legacy, because he wants to be remembered
once he passes, which is good,
but there is a little tweak when it comes to Muslims, when it comes
to believers, we want the same concept, but for a higher purpose
than this. We want Jannah, and we want to go on the day of judgment,
and we want the Prophet sallallahu, sallam, to boost all
of us in front of all nations, because he said it tazawaju, say,
ini mubahim, bukum, uma Maq get married, have children, because I
want, on the Day of Judgment, to be proud of you in front of
everybody. I want to boost you in front of everybody, in front of
all other nations. You are a unique nation.
So yes, we are worshiping Allah azza wa jal throughout this
marriage relationship. I want to, I want us to look at marriage from
this lens. Obviously, there are many dunya we gains from getting
married and protecting yourself, but there's something higher than
that,
And subhanAllah that really highlights the message of the
Prophet sallallahu sallam, because when he came he said Qul in the
salahti one nusuki wa mahiya wa Maiti li LA. All
of my dunya and all of my ahira and all of my prayers and all of
my fasting should evolve around faith. Should be driven from
faith. Faith is our anchors, our our our motive, our main motive,
to get married. That should be the case. That's number one. Now
number two,
common mistakes we make before marriage, we think marriage is
going to fix my personal problems, my personal issues. I'm dealing
with couple of issues, and I think once I get married, those problems
will vanish. I'm going to be good. I'm struggling with depression or
anxiety. I'm struggling with, you know, my financial state, and
struggling with this. I'm struggling with that,
and I think by getting married, all of these problems will
disappear. That's one of the common misunderstanding of
marriage, and as of Allah, if you think about it, the ulama and the
scholars actually said that marriage, the ruling of marriage,
marriage could be haram, could be prohibited, and it could be
obligatory and it could be disliked.
How so well? Imam of Hanifah has identified this. He said, If you
are not fit to be a spouse, and you are going to leave harm more
than benefit, and you're not ready for marriage, then it's haram to
get married.
You're not ready, financially, you're not, you're not ready,
spiritually, emotionally, mentally, you're not, you're not
ready. And you think by getting married, I will my Iman is going
to, you know,
it's gonna rise and my financial state will magically be much
better, and my emotional state will be fixed, and everything is
going to be perfect once I just make that step. Well, that's not
how it works.
The advice that Imam Abu Hanifa said is highlighting.
Concept of doing, assisting yourself first before getting into
that commitment. Am I ready really for marriage
and please, we don't want to use any religious, any Islamic, you
know, Islamic delilles, to tweak some texts just to make ourselves
feel better, even though we know for a fact that we're not even
ready for it. I have no financial plans to get married. I have
absolutely no desire to put efforts even to get actually, you
know, financially stable. I know for a fact that I'm not even
looking for jobs. I'm not ready. And then I say, well, Allah,
Allahu, Azza, Allah is the One who provides. Then I will just
tawakkal Allah, and I put my trust in Allah, and I will get married.
Well, tawakkul Allah comes with your plans, with your efforts.
Tawakkul Allah does not come to you if you are not looking for it,
meaning you're taking all of the means you're getting ready. And
I'm talking here specifically to men,
we need to be actually up to the bar. We're getting married. We
need to be responsible, and we need to have a plan.
By the way, El kawama is a privilege. Al qawa, when it comes
to this concept of kawama, you are the leader of the House. It comes
for a reason, because you as a man, should take ownership over
this. You work, and you have a solid plan, financial plan, and
then now you actually get that privilege. You cannot go to a
relationship, and you're absolutely not, not ready for it.
Now,
again, this is really interesting, because this is a very common
mistake that we make before marriage.
Is this idea of, well,
I am
getting older and I want to marry.
Two things happen here, either I want to rush the process,
I want to rush the process. I have this pressure from home, from
society, and I want to make sure that I just get married, and I
make that decision, this emotional decision, and I commit myself to a
long term commitment.
I'm under a lot of influence. I'm getting older. First and foremost,
we want to know why you you got old, you got to that age, and you
didn't make a decision yet to marry. But regardless of this, now
we are at position where there is a pressure.
Okay, now, should I just marry for the sake of marriage, or should I
wait until I actually found the right spouse? Well, to just
summarize this, marry in the right time. When is the right time? When
you're emotionally ready, spiritually ready, financially
ready, mentally ready, and you find the right spouse five things.
It means that maybe we shouldn't delay marriage for education
if I know that this is my right time to marry and I'm ready, I'm
financially ready, I'm emotionally ready. I'm spiritually ready, and
there is a potential good spouse. Why would I delay this for a
career or education, one
of the common mistakes we see. And then we come at the age of 35 age
of 40, and then we now we're stuck. I focused so much on my
career, I focus so much on my education, and now I don't think
that's that's actually the right time for me to marry
well,
I would say the following When it comes to prioritizing education
over marriage.
Education over marriage, I would say the following,
as long as you are ready for marriage, mentally, spiritually,
emotionally,
and you are
in a position where you found the right spouse, Mary,
and if you want to continue and get high degrees, that's that's
completely fine, if it's suited with that, with the with your
marriage life. Now,
I should not delay marriage for that reason.
We can do it together. You grow with your spouse.
You pursue a degree, or you pursue a career while you're married, the
common mistake is to do what, to pause marriage and to pursue my
education. I'm putting this on the side. I want to get a goal here.
My goal is.
Us our young people. Ya Rameen and to bless them with successful
marriages. Ya rabal alameen, we ask Allah azza wa jal to make us
among those who will find comfort and tranquility and serene our
relationships. Ya rabal alameen, we ask Allah azza wa jal to make
us among those who will marry and establish Allah on This Earth. Ya
rabal alameen, Ali wala Kumar,
Allah,
a
brother, brothers, please
move in.