Yousef Bakeer – Advice on the PreMarital Process
![Yousef Bakeer](https://artwork.muslimcentral.com/yousef-bakeer-150x150.jpg)
AI: Summary ©
AI: Transcript ©
sound like I'm Sheikh, how are you? Salaam are Abdullah, what?
What is one thing you advise for us to look for when we're looking
for marriage, if I were to give one, only one advice, I would say,
don't make permanent decisions based on temporary feelings, okay,
don't get too attached to the point that you are stuck, either
you're going to make a decision permanent decision to get into a
long relationship
because of the attachment you have towards that person, or you will
go and you will put a lot of effort to this attach yourself
emotionally from this person. And that comes with a lot with a lot
of pain. So you're kind of in a position where if you would not to
attach yourself emotionally, if you maintain healthy boundaries in
pre, you know, marriage period, then at this point, you will more
likely to make the right decision. Why? Because no emotions involved
at all. Because when emotions are high, logic is down. So you want
to make sure that you make the most logical decision, because
this is something great, a great deal that you're getting yourself
into marriage. It's a lifetime commitment. So we want to make
sure that you're making the right decision inshallah. So how do you
advise leaving emotions out of it? By maintaining healthy boundaries,
you'll make sure that you ask the right questions, you involve
yourself in an appropriate setting where you don't leave a room for
the shaitan to get in and for emotions to get in. Because like I
said, when emotions intervene, they're more likely chances to not
make the right decision. So that's why Subhanallah it's it's actually
asked by our Lord, while I'm with them, meaning what meaning you
don't make friendship outside of marriage, because we will make
friendship outside of marriage, emotions will get attached. And
therefore, you will be at some point you will be blind of making
the right decision. Why? Because you're so attached. And we see
this all the time people are stuck after marriage, just because they
made the wrong decision before marriage, and why they made the
wrong decision is because they were fully attached to that
person. Okay, and then. So what's your stance on private messaging
on social media? Sorry, hyper private messaging on social media,
again, it goes back to the appropriate communication that you
need to have before marriage, anything that you have, with a
person who you want to marry, that you're shy from public making it
public, then know that there is something wrong going on? Know
that, you know, there is more than what you should
have at that at that point. So for instance, if you're having
conversations that you will be shy to post it online, or to,
you know, conversations that you will be shy showing it to your
siblings or your parents. Why because it's just uncomfortable
sharing this kind of intimate conversation know that this is not
healthy for you. Why because now, you are not maintaining these
boundaries that we talked about. And as a result, these private
conversations will get you emotionally attached to that
person. And therefore, even though you see flaws in this person,
either you will compromise these flaws. Or you will convince
yourself that eventually you will change that person after marriage
and this is the biggest lie. Nobody changes after marriage. So
just know that if you were to commit to a person with these
certain flaws, know that you will actually act to you will actually
you will, you will experience these flaws after marriage.
Sometimes when you're fully attached to some body before
marriage, you will be delusional. You're not seeing the reality as
it is. And after marriage. The reality will punch you in the face