Yassir Fazaga – Friday Khutbah 15-11-2024
AI: Summary ©
The speakers discuss the concept of parenting and the importance of caring and upbringing in relationships. They use the analogy of "upbringing" to describe the process of building confidence and values. The speakers emphasize the need for individuals to act with their behavior and not be afraid to speak out, as well as the importance of protecting and preparing children for life in difficult situations. They also touch on the negative impact of social anxiety on children and the need for individuals to act with their behavior and not be afraid to speak out.
AI: Summary ©
There is a short dialogue that we as
believers are brought into listening to this dialogue,
even though it was a one-sided dialogue,
but it was a conversation taking place between
a father and their child.
A man by the name of Luqman, where
Allah tells us, وَلَقَدْ آتَيْنَا لُقْمَانَ الْحِكْمَةَ أَنِشْكُرْ
لِلَّهِ And indeed we have granted Luqman wisdom.
You ought to listen to Luqman because he's
a wise man.
The root verb, hukm, from which the word
hikmah comes from, is mentioned in the Quran
in over 240 places.
The word hikmah is repeated in the Quran
in 20 different places.
وَيُعَلِّمُهُمُ الْكِتَابَ وَالْحِكْمَةَ One of the messages, the
missions of Muhammad s.a.w. is to
teach people wisdom.
And that's why they say that wisdom is
the right use of knowledge.
To know is to be wise.
Many men know a great deal.
And all are the greater fools for it.
There is no fool so great a fool
as a knowing fool.
But to know how to use knowledge is
to have wisdom.
And that's why they also say that science
is organized knowledge.
But wisdom is organized life.
To acquire knowledge, one must study.
But to acquire wisdom, one must observe.
The Quran loves wisdom.
Believers ought to go after wisdom.
Many times, you don't need to climb the
mountains to find wisdom.
Many times, listening to what the wise have
said is actually a way in acquiring wisdom.
So Allah introduces Luqman.
Don't know when, don't know how old, don't
know anything about him.
All we know, Luqman was a wise man.
Indeed, we have granted Luqman wisdom.
Believers, listen to what Luqman has to offer.
And this is the conversation that Luqman takes
us, or we are introduced to Luqman.
By a conversation that he has with his
son.
We said that parenting was beautifully described.
As parents, our job is to protect and
prepare our children to survive and thrive in
the society that they will live in.
May Allah protect our children.
These are difficult times to be a child.
These are difficult times to be a child.
Because the pressure is enormous upon these kids.
In addition to that, even parents speak about
an enormous pressure that is upon us as
we are trying to give the best to
our children.
Luqman is spending time with his child.
Just look into the Bureau of Labor.
They had statistics about how much time is
spent where.
In the year 2023, this is last year,
according to the Bureau of Labor, they said
that the average adult, if they live in
a household, and they had a child under
6 years old, that adult spent about 2
.3 hours with a child who is less
than 6 years old.
The same year, the same adult, if there
is a household where there is a child
between the ages of 6 and 17, the
average adult spent 0.8 of an hour
with that child, a little over 45 minutes.
We cannot build families.
We cannot build relationships with this amount of
time.
Fully aware.
Sometimes people like to challenge these things.
Listen, if we work 8 hours a day,
that is equivalent to 4 months of the
year.
If you sleep 8 hours of the day
and then you drive about the equivalent of
2 hours a day, that is equivalent to
1 month of the year.
So the idea here is that they say,
truly, maybe this is the amount of time
that is spent with the family.
And then the second thing about parenting.
The Arabic language is so rich.
And the way that it addresses parental duties,
they say that parental duties are of two
kinds.
There is this idea of caring or rearing,
and then there is the upbringing.
And that is why they say this idea
of caring is any job that can actually
be outsourced.
The clothing, the making of food, checking with
the doctor, all these things are part of
caring.
But these are all things that can actually
be done by somebody else.
And sometimes can even be done better by
somebody else.
As for upbringing, they say it is building
confidence, developing skills, being a role model, choosing
friends.
And say that on the contrary, there is
a different word for the actual work of
a parent.
And that is the notion of upbringing.
And that is to instill convictions, to instill
values, to instill principles, to teach skills, to
teach children how to make and keep and
choose friends.
And the observation is the majority of our
work is spent on the idea.
It is spent on the caring.
Eat this and don't eat that, and wash
this and clean this.
That is part of it, but that cannot
be the essence of parenting.
So Luqman, being the wise man that he
is, knowing this is giving us a glimpse.
What does that mean?
Instilling conviction and doing all these things.
And the Quran so beautifully in this conversation
tells us what Luqman does.
He said, oh my son, and to be
even more specific, the Quran here tells us
that Luqman used an expression of endearment.
What's beautiful about this is that Luqman uses
a terminology, an expression of endearment.
And he said, oh my little boy, as
if the Quran wants every parent can relate
to this.
We're not talking about a baby, not somebody,
a toddler, somebody in the...
No, we're talking about any child of yours,
and parents know this, you will always be
my little baby.
You will always be my little princess.
So anybody, anybody can relate to this.
Because now we don't know the age of
Luqman, we don't know the age of the
child, but there is a sense of endearment
that is taking place.
One, this is so important.
Remember Luqman is a wise man.
So even in his choice of words we
are told, in psychology we know this to
be a fact.
Any order, any rule, any commandment that is
not preceded by a real relationship, people will
rebel against it.
Any commandment, any rule, any orders that is
not preceded by a relationship, people are going
to rebel against it.
So Luqman here tells us that there is
a relationship.
There is a relationship that actually makes it
easier for people to want to listen to
me.
So he begins by telling us that there
is a relationship going on.
What is that relationship?
My little boy listens to me.
And this idea of, ya bunay, my little
boy, that is where we are seeing the
wisdom of Luqman.
While admonishing him.
The Quran here uses a really nice term.
Luqman is not just giving advice, the closest
is he is giving an admonishment.
But they say that the word maw'iva
is any type of speech that penetrates the
heart and also acceptable by the intellect.
See if you speak to the brain only,
you risk being too dry.
If you speak to the heart only, you
risk being irrational.
But then what happens is there is a
mixture going on.
I am appealing to your heart and simultaneously
I am also addressing your intelligence.
So now both the heart and the mind
are engaged.
I want to listen to what Luqman has
to say.
And he begins by the most important.
So my little boy, do not associate others
with Allah.
Associating others with Allah is a great wrong.
It is a great act of oppression against
yourself.
Do not associate others with Allah.
This very rigid, uncompromising position that Islam has
with monotheism.
The most important thing he said.
I want you to work on your relationship
with Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, with your
creator.
You know they say that nowadays children look
into what is going on, what is trending
with teenagers.
And when you look into what is trending
with teenagers, you look into social influences with
teenagers.
Looking into what type of social media apps
they use and what is it that they
do.
Teenagers were asked, would you rather be with
your friends and talk to them?
Or would you rather chat with your friends?
Two-thirds of the teenagers said, we would
rather just chat with our friends.
What do you mean?
You don't want to be with people?
You don't want to see them and you
see you and you don't want to be
seen and being the same?
We rather just chat with our friends.
What in the world is going on?
What in the world is going on to
the point that people don't even like this
idea of social gathering?
27% of adults in the U.S.
live by themselves.
Live on their own.
That is one out of every four people.
And remember, this is not to look down
upon these people.
Sometimes people do this by circumstances.
But the idea that people do not want
to be bothered, they just want to be
by themselves.
That's crazy.
So Luqman is speaking to his son.
There is a conversation going on and he
begins with the most important.
My son, he said, do not.
So why are we saying this?
Because the same research also said that many
of these teenagers are looking for authentic, genuine
conversations.
See, simultaneously, they want to chat because they
want to keep a safe distance.
But they are also yearning, they are hungry
for, I want a real conversation, man.
I want a conversation beyond, did you do
your homework?
Did you eat?
Did you floss?
Did you brush?
I want a real conversation going on.
So Luqman is giving us a glimpse.
Here comes this caring father who is speaking
so beautifully to his child.
And then he said, And then the Qur
'an is teaching us about the wisdom of
Luqman.
And Luqman is speaking to his child now
and he said, Now
that we have spoken about your relationship with
Allah, let me tell you something, my son.
Allah will bring everything to light.
Even if it be as small as a
mustard seed.
See, the Qur'an is nice.
He said, He said, my son, Allah will
bring everything to light.
Even if it be as small as a
mustard seed that is inside a rock.
Not under a rock, inside a rock.
No, before coming here, I was looking into
the images of a mustard seed under a
microscope.
That's how small they are.
So I said, my son, Allah will bring
to light anything and everything.
Even if it be the weight of a
mustard seed, it can be inside a rock.
It can be in the highest place in
heaven.
It can be in the absolute bottom of
the earth.
Allah is aware.
What is Luqman trying to do here?
Luqman is trying and communicating to his son
that he needs to be his own policeman.
Nowadays, with all the craziness that is around
us, we cannot be everywhere where our kids
are.
We cannot monitor where they go.
We cannot monitor who they chat with.
We cannot monitor anything.
So what is the best strategy?
Man, may Allah bless us with our own
children being their own policemen and their own
policewomen.
Wallahi, that's a great blessing.
Where your own child knows.
Because you have communicated to him, because you've
taught him.
My son, he said, my son, remember that
you get to choose your actions.
Because whatever you do, Allah is capable of
bringing it to light.
Even if it be as small as a
mustard.
You know nowadays with teenagers, the ability to
make silly, stupid mistakes that are going to
be, especially if it is online, man, that
stuff is not going anywhere.
It's not going anywhere.
Sometimes our children have a tendency to misuse
this.
You know they're talking about kids being so
comfortable on these chat apps.
Because they can make any negative comment because
they feel safe and secure behind their screen.
They can be silly and they can be
doing all sorts of things.
But now the important thing here is Luqman
Alayhi Salaam is telling us through communicating with
his child, the best strategy is to teach
your child to become their own policemen or
their own policewomen.
Ya abunay, aqim al salah, wa umar bil
ma'roof, wanha anil munkar, wasbir ala ma
asabak.
Now Luqman is talking about the way that
you carry yourself.
Our children need to be taught these things.
My son, establish your salah.
Aqim al salah.
That is for your own edification.
That's for your own good.
That's for your own spiritual growth.
But remember you also have a mission in
the society that you are in.
Wa umar bil ma'roof, wanha anil munkar.
Enjoying that which is good.
Forbid that which is evil.
Because you're not just a freeloader.
As they say, activism is the dues that
I pay.
This is my rent that I pay for
here as being a resident of earth.
What do you do?
Give back.
And the best way to give back is
to promote the good and to bring an
end to that which is evil and wicked.
Wasbir ala ma asabak.
And when you do so, you've got to
patiently persevere for what is going to come
afterwards.
See the idea here is that the two
-thirds of the teenagers, they said that they
prefer to chat and not be with people.
And our deen does not recognize this.
And when you look into our deen, there
are these invitations to be with people.
You can pray on your own, but there
is more reward when you come and pray
jama'a with the rest of the believers.
You can make umrah any time of the
year, but there is more reward when you
make hajj with the rest of the believers.
You can fast any time of the year,
but there is more reward when you fast
Ramadan with the rest of the believers.
The idea is that we belong, we, we.
It is us, it is people.
man khalatan nasa wa sabara ala adhahum khayru
mimman lam yukhalatin nas He or she who
mingles with people and patiently perseveres the consequences
of just being around people is better than
the one who chooses to isolate themselves away
from people.
We're social beings.
No one is perfect.
We're not perfect.
We don't expect anybody to be perfect.
And as a result, we're teaching our children.
And then Luqman says to his, to his
son, wa la tu sa'ir khaddaka linnas
These are what we call social skills.
One thing that we're looking at in counseling
is, intercommunication skills are so poor nowadays amongst
these teenagers because they're so comfortable using their
screens.
And you look into this and amazingly, people
are coming in because they're having social anxiety.
Again, the point is not to put or
blame these people.
May Allah grant them quick recovery.
But it is for real.
People saying that I'm afraid to talk to
people.
I don't know how to talk to people.
I don't know how to make friends.
I don't know how to keep friends.
I don't know how to initiate a conversation.
I am so afraid of opening my mouth
because I am afraid that people are going
to laugh at me and people just become
very, very mute.
So now he is telling his son how
to conduct yourself when you are in public.
wa la tu sa'ir khaddaka linnas Do
not turn your cheek on people in conceit
and false pride.
People don't like narcissists.
People don't like people who over exaggerate their
importance.
People don't like that.
And these are part of the social skills
that you pass on to your child.
My son, let me tell you this.
This is not how you do things and
this is how you ought to be and
so forth.
But see what is going on here is
remember what we said.
Parenting is about protecting, preparing our children to
survive and thrive in the society that they
are living in.
And Luqman, alayhi salam, does such a wonderful
job in introducing us to what good parenting
looks like.
May Allah protect our children.
May Allah bless our family.
I say this and ask Allah to forgive
me and you, so ask Him to forgive
you.
He is the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful.
Alhamdulillah wa kafa.
Salat wa salamu ala Rasulihi al-Mustafa wa
ala man bi-atharik kafa.
Some people say that the children in Gaza,
may Allah bless the children of Gaza.
They are killed physically.
But our children face a different type of
death, morally and spiritually.
And that is bad.
And that is bad.
May Allah protect our children.
Wallahi, may Allah protect our children.
These are difficult times.
And when we say this, the idea is
not to be messengers or bearers of doom
and gloom.
But this is just to remind one another
of how important of a role we have.
So please remember, triple A.
Attention, affection, appreciation.
Remember the other ones.
Availability, approachability, accessibility.
Remember the five Ts.
We need to talk.
We need to spend time.
We need to touch.
We need to build trust.
And we need to tease, have fun with
our children.
The minute we do that, we have a
relationship.
And once we have established a relationship, then
we can say we can have expectations.
May Allah protect our children.
May Allah bless our families.
May Allah guide us all to the correct
path.
If any of us or our loved ones
are going through difficult times, may Allah ease
our pain.
May Allah grant a full and speedy recovery
to all the brothers and sisters who are
not feeling well.
And we would also like to mention that
Dr. Nabeel Biaqla is not feeling well.
May Allah grant him a full and speedy
recovery.
If any of our loved ones have passed
away, may Allah bless their souls.
May Allah bless you all.
May Allah increase you all.
May Allah be with you.
O people, the promise of Allah is true.
So do not be deceived by the life
of this world.
And do not be deceived by Allah, the
Deceiver.
ALLAHU AKBAR بسم
الله الرحمن الرحيم إذا جاء نصر الله والفتح
ورأيت الناس يدخلون في دين الله أفواجا فسبح
بحمد ربك واستغفره إنه كان توابا ALLAHU AKBAR
سمع الله لمن حمده ALLAHU
AKBAR