Still I Rise – How to Heal

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Yasmin Mogahed

Channel: Yasmin Mogahed

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Episode Transcript

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How's everyone doing?

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How's everyone doing?

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Great.

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I was gonna shape honor regimes, Rahim o salat wa salam ala rasulillah holla alien Sophia. My rubbish is on the way assembly Omri. Why Hello, Dr. Missoni of Bocconi. I love the title of this tour still like rice. What I wanted to do, I was inspired actually by this title. And what I wanted to do was I wanted to take you on this roadmap in two ways. I wanted to begin by talking about when we talk about I rise, still I rise Yeah. First I wanted to talk about why do we fall? Why do we fall to begin with? And then second, I want to talk about how to rise again. So to start out with this question of why do we fall, there are a lot of reasons that Allah subhanaw taala tells us in the

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Quran that we fall, but first we have to begin by clarifying a few things. Many of us don't truly understand who Allah subhana wa tada is, many of us think about Allah Subhana Allah as we would think about our neighbor, or a relative or another human being. And so a lot of us actually have to unlearn many of the concepts that we grew up with. So I want to begin by sort of doing a little bit of unlearning a little bit of, of cleaning

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the slate in terms of our understanding and our concept of Allah subhanaw taala. One of the biggest mistakes that we many of us grew up with, is that we grew up with a concept of Allah subhanaw taala as being something like a police officer waiting to put you in jail. And this jail is called Gehenna. Okay, so many of us grew up with this concept of, for example, the first terminology, the type of terminology that we first learn, as we're, as we're being developed in our Islam is haraam.

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Right? jahannam these are all little children who don't know anything else? No, Hassan, and Johanna, am I right? And this becomes like the first concept introduced to our children. And so our children from early on, they are taught that is smell is a list. Islam is a list of things that you can't do. And then the punishments that you're going to get if you do them. And then a list of things that you can do, but the list of things you can't do seems a lot bigger. This is the concept many children grow up with, is that Islam is just a list, okay? We it's hard for us to eat this, it's hard on for us to wear this, it's hard on for us to act like this. And while all of these things are necessary

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and important, don't ever think that rules are not necessary. We need rules to drive what happens if we had no red lights, no yellow lights, no green lights, right? No stop signs, we need rules. But there is something very crucial missing. And that is that we have the wrong concept of who Allah is. We have the wrong concept of who our Creator is. Many of us don't actually have a friendship with a loss upon with that. Why? Because many of us just grew up thinking about Allah, as a police officer waiting to put us in prison. And that prison is called. And so this is actually a problem. Because when that person grows up, and now we have youth, and then we're wondering, why aren't the youth

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coming to the best yet? Why aren't the youth involved? Why are many of the of the youth actually leaving Islam? There's a reason this is happening. May Allah subhanaw taala protect our youth. Many people are not taught the right foundation, the right attachment to their Creator, because they are taught their religion as just a list as just the list of huddle and head. And when you do that, here's what happens. Imagine you have a child, and every single day you tell this child from the time they're just you know, in diapers, that you better watch out for the police. Because if you make one little mistake that police is going to come is going to arrest you and throw you in prison.

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Then the next day you better watch out You better watch out one little

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slip up and that police is going to come and throw you in jail that police is and you know what? You better watch yourself because that police's Aren't you feel me? So what happens as that child grows up? And how and what kind of relationship is that child gonna want to have with the police? Anyone? Is that child going to see the police and say you don't want to get close to the police. I want to be friends with the police. I want the police and need to be you know, close close buddies. I'm going to go and express my, my needs and my emotions to the police. No, in fact, that child will just want to avoid the police. You understand? If the police is over there you go that way. Does

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that child love the police? No, the child fears the police but wants nothing to do with the police. You catching what I'm saying? And so many of us grow up with that type of relationship with God. That type of relationship with a lot where we fear a lot but not in a healthy way. Does that mean you're not racist? Fear a lot right? Fear Allah that's that's important fear a lot. But what is healthy fear of a lot? This is not the type of healthy fear of Allah. How do you know? I'll tell you why. Because healthy fear of Allah Listen carefully. Healthy fear of a law makes you want to run more towards a less

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healthy taqwa it's called healthy fear is called taqwa. This is a consciousness of a las panatela. But here's how you know that it's healthy and it's taqwa is that it will make you want to run to Allah. It will make you want to get closer to Allah. As they say, you will escape you will you will run from Allah to Allah. What does that mean? It means that you will run away from a lot of anger, and allows punishment and allows displeasure by doing what by running to Allah, not by running away from

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and if you find yourself running away from Allah, if you find yourself trying to avoid God and avoid religion, you know, this, this this phenomenon that we have with our youth of I just don't want anything to do with it. I don't want to go to the question and I don't want anything to do with religion and maybe I don't even believe that is not healthy that that is born of an unhealthy fear that was planted into that child. And it starts very young. The same way that the person is trying to avoid the police.

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That's how that person is trying to avoid a lot. Just keep me awake. Why? Why? Because you know what? any mistake I make, I'm going to hell. Right? I you know, you hear you hear crazy things like, Oh, yeah, I'm gonna go to hell anyway, somebody will do what I want weird stuff. But this type of mentality needs to be unlearned. Why? Because Allah subhanaw taala His mercy supersedes His wrath. Allah subhanaw taala is not like a police waiting to put us in jail. Allah subhanaw taala is more merciful to us than a mother is to her child. And I want you to absorb what that means. I want you to think about a mother for her child. I want you to think about what a mother would do for her

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child what a mother would do to protect her child. And then I want you to think about Allah soprano data and how Allah has mercy is infinitely more than that. Allah's mercy is the source of all other mercy.

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Allah subhanaw taala is not waiting to put us in hell Allah is waiting to forgive us. Allah is waiting to have mercy on us. And so there's a lot of unlearning that we have to do when we understand who Allah subhanaw taala is, because that will later on in life affect how we understand everything that happens in our life. You see, so if you think about Allah, as just wrathful it's just waiting for you to mess up, you know, then when you fall,

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you will actually fall into despair.

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Because your understanding is that leads me

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or allies punishing me. See, these are the types of understanding that you will have if you fall, if you think about Allah as that police officer, then when you fall, you're thinking will be a was angry with me. Allah hates me.

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It was punishing me it'll be a very negative concept of who Allah subhanaw taala is and that negative concept will lead you

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to despair, one of the most important tools

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that we can have in this roadmap is something called hosting avoidable.

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Hosting avoidable Lam means to have a positive opinion of Allah supplant of that. That is what we have to, we have to change from the root. Many of us have a negative opinion of loss of power that we do not think of Allah subhanaw taala as the Most Merciful, we do not think about Allah subhanaw taala in a positive way, we think about Allah subhanaw taala in a very negative way, that online is just waiting for us to slip once, and so he can punish us. And so he can throw us in hell, that is not who that is. And we have to unlearn that. And unfortunately, many of us were taught this way. Unfortunately, many of us were raised this way. And some of it is cultural. And unfortunately, some

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of it is

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an attempt to control.

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We think that if we use God, we can control our children. But unfortunately, it backfires. Because what happens is that if the if the Amen, the faith is not deep inside the heart, even if somebody wears Islam, on the outside, you know what I mean? Like they wear the costume, they might even memorize the whole Quran, they might be,

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they might wear the, you know, the costume. But if it is not inside, it won't last.

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It doesn't last, just like any costume that it gets taken off. And especially when that individual is tested, what are the types of tests that they may go through? Well, for some, it's going to university, it's going to college, right? It's, it's leaving that environment where they wore the costume, but it wasn't in the heart, but he doesn't understanding what I'm saying. And then now they go into this environment that is testing them. Now they're maybe they're living on campus. Now, maybe they're they're exposed to all this temptation. And as soon as they are exposed to that test, they have this default, because if it is not deep inside the heart, it cannot withstand storms, and

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it cannot withstand these tests. So it's very important that number one, we have the right concept of a law, a positive concept of a loss of personal vulnerability, a positive understanding of war was part of that is and that that understanding, and that attachment needs to be deep. It needs to be beyond the surface beyond the costume that we're wearing. Right beyond just the external, you know, the core and can be recited beautifully. But if it doesn't hit the heart, if it doesn't change the heart, then it isn't fulfilling its actual purpose. Right? We can decorate our walls with it beautiful calligraphy, we can wear it on necklaces, we can put it up in our house, we can even

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recite it, but it's meant to change us, it's meant to make us better. And if it's not changing us if it's not, if it's not in here that it isn't fulfilling its purpose, you know, what I'm all done comes in measurable love. We read a lot of Quran, right? Maybe we finished the Quran many times. But is it changing us? Do we understand what will read it? Is it deep? Is it beyond the surface? And so we have to get beyond the surface. That's extremely important. And we have to have a positive opinion of

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what is a positive opinion of a loss upon without it. I'll give you an example. Okay.

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When a parent has to take their child to get shots, how many people have ever had to do that? Anyone? Okay? You're either you either a child will have to get shots, or you're a parent will have to get shots, right? Everyone knows this experience. It's not fun, right? But there's a purpose right? Now, when the parent is taking the child to get a shot, it's painful. But that parent is doing it for the child's own good. Am I right?

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Now husband is done in this example, is that you as the child, you have a positive opinion of your mother, you have a positive opinion of your father, what does it mean to have a positive opinion? It means that you know that your mother and your father have your best interests in mind. They're not trying to hurt you, right? Generally.

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Generally, we hope in all healthy situations in all healthy situations. May Allah make our families healthy.

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And so you trust and you have a you have a positive opinion of your parents. And so when your parents are putting you through an experience that is painful

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You know that it must be for your own good.

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You know that these shots must be for your own good if you're at a level where you can understand, you don't just trust your parents, you don't think your parents are trying to kill you, right? Trying to poison you with the with the needle. You don't think your parents are trying to hurt you, you know that this must be for my own good husband, it

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is to always know that what Allah does for you is for your own good. That even if you are falling,

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even if you are hurting, even if you are struggling, that ultimately a low one's good for you a lot is not bad for you. That is has definitely been bad. And to always think positive of Allah subhanaw taala not to think of Allah as he hates me. He is punishing me.

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Or he's angry with me, but instead to think positive, but then you might say But But what if I actually am messing up? What if? What if I deserve it?

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Fair, fair question. Right. Okay. Suppose that you did do something wrong. And maybe you feel that you deserve it. Even then, let me ask you this. Do you know the story of the man who killed 99 people?

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This is a Sahaja. There was a man and he did he committed a sin far worse than all of our sins put together.

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He killed 99 people. He was what we call a serial killer. And when he went to this, this worshiper first and he said, You know, I want to repent.

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The worshiper said, You did what? You know.

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99

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The worshiper made a mistake in the answer, essentially. Why? Because he didn't have the proper knowledge. He was Mashallah. I bet he was a worshiper, but he wasn't a scholar in this. He didn't have the right knowledge. So he actually gave him the wrong answer. He said, You know, it's like too late for you. Basically, he said, just nothing you can do. So he always blows my mind. So he killed him and made it 100. And I'm thinking, I'm thinking, thinking, somebody comes and tells you that, in fact, they are a sillier serial killer. You probably don't want to upset them. You know, like, probably just tell them what they want to hear. But this guy was, you know, it's pretty, pretty

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brave. And, and he made it 100. This is a real, this is real.

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Yeah. And then he's still he still wants to repay What's going on? Oh, man.

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He still he still wants to repent. So he this time, he goes to a scholar, and he asks the scholar and now it's 100 people including this worshiper. And he says, I want to repent, what you know, can I or what should I do? And now the scholar gives the right answer. And that is an anyone can repent, right? No matter what you've done. And he told him, yes, you can repent. And then he advised him and this is important, he advised him to leave his toxic environment.

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He advised him to leave his toxic environment that's important in this story. Because sometimes

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not sometimes we are always a product of our environment. And so he told him, leave your environment and go to this other city, as part of your repentance as your as part of your Toba. And so he did that. And he asked, he was traveling, he actually died on his journey to the other side. And so at this point, we're told that the angels of mercy and the angels of wrath, were deciding who's going to take him. And Allah told them inspired them to measure the distance. And if it was shorter to the New City, he would be forgiven if he was shorter to the older city, he would be punished. And we're told that Allah shorten the distance of the land in order for him to be forgiven.

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Now, how can we hear a story like that, and this is a Sufi Hadith,

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and then despair, about ourselves, and then despair that if we made a mistake, that there's no going back. That's from shaitan. Because Allah subhanaw taala is, door's always open, so long as we're still alive. And so even if we fall, even if we are down, like we're at a place that's low, that doesn't mean Allah hates you, it doesn't mean you're being punished. And it doesn't mean that you can't, that this isn't actually part of your road back to us.

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And that brings me to the concept of why do we fall sometimes? Sometimes we fall because it teaches us humility.

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You know, have you ever known a person or maybe you were a person who is kind of like, especially when we

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start becoming really religious. Maybe when we first entered Islam or really start practicing, and we're like on top of our game, you know that that like high in the sky spiritual high. Maybe it happens like after Ramadan or after you went for Hydra or something you're on a spiritual higher. Sometimes when you're in that state, you can become a little arrogant.

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You can become a little self righteous, you know what that looks like? Anyone like the Huron police type thing? You know what I'm saying? It's like you're put on this earth to change everyone else because you're already perfect. You know what I'm talking about? That's arrogance, because you're not perfect. And no matter how many prayers you're making, no matter how much you're standing up for to help god no matter how much Koran you memorized, you will never be perfect, and you will always have flaws. And so the problem is that sometimes we become arrogant and beyond that is that we sometimes take credit for our own righteousness. You know, the mistake that padrone made. Harun was

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a man who lived very, very wealthy man who lived at the time of lucidity, Silla. And the mistake that Allah tells us in the poor and that he made, is he took credit for his for his, his power, his riches, his wealth. He said, in mo 82, who Allah and I got all of this from a knowledge in me. See, he took credit for his blessings. He took credit for his gifts. And sometimes when we are practicing when we are, you know, we feel like I'm religious, you know? I did. Did you see what I did? You know, like, Look, we feel proud.

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And don't get me wrong, we should feel good about about obedience. But I'm talking about something else. When we take credit for and we feel arrogance, we feel it's because I'm just amazing. You know, it's because I'm awesome. And see all these little people around me. They're not quite as awesome as me. Do you know what I'm talking about? And maybe those little people are at the masjid. And maybe those little people are in our home. Maybe they're in our family, but it's to look down on other people. That is arrogance. That's the definition of arrogance. And so sometimes we fall to teach us humility.

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And that individual who is arrogant, and that individual was taking credit for the righteousness and looking down at others and judging others and ridiculing others, often they will slip and they will end up sometimes in the same place that they were previously ridiculing. Make sense? It's, it's very dangerous, to

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not to not show gratitude for the gifts of Allah. And the greatest gift of Allah is he Dahlia is guidance. So if you are guided, if your children are guided, if your family is guided, don't think it's because you're awesome and everyone else isn't. Realize that it is a Namah of a loss of habit. It's a gift, you know the word hidayah means guidance. It also means gift. So it's a gift, right? So So this is one of the things that sometimes happens when we fall, then a lot of people become more humble. After they fall, they become more, they realize that they're human, you know what I mean? They're not like super, they're not like, they're not like a superhero, that they're not superhuman

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that they're not angels. And so in that sense, this slip actually humbles you, you know, if not quite him has a very powerful statement, in which he says that, that there are some people who they do a good deed, and because of that good deed, they end up going to hell. And some people who commit a sin, and because of that sin, they end up going to heaven. Why? And then he explains, he says, that person who did the good deed, because of that deed, he may have become arrogant.

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And so that arrogance actually led him downward.

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And that person who committed the sin, because of that sin, they felt so much remorse, so much humility, that they repented to Allah subhanaw taala so sincerely, that they ended up going to Jenna to understand. So it's very, very important that we change our understanding of Allah subhanaw taala and one of the reasons why we fall is so that we can humble ourselves turned back to Allah subhanaw taala and one other reason and then this leads me now inshallah, to what we're

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We're here today. One of the reasons to, and one of the, the fruits of difficulty and hardship is it teaches us compassion. It teaches us something called empathy. When you've been down, you know, when you've faced struggle, you become more compassionate towards others who are facing struggle, you become more empathetic, you feel more for others, if you've been through it, or you've been through something like it. And if you look at the prophets, peace be upon them all, when you look at Mohammed seisen. Look at how much he went through. From the time he was born, he was dealing with tragedy. From the time he was born, he was dealing with loss, his father was already dead, had had

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already passed away when he was born. And then his mother when he was a child, and then his grandfather, do you understand the amount of loss he was an orphan, from when he was a child? And so he dealt with loss from the beginning. What did that teach the profit center?

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It made the profits I sell them. It taught him that, that empathy, and that compassion, because he himself had been through it, you know, he himself had been an orphan. So when he reaches out to orphans, he knows what that's like, he had dealt with loss, and he sought asylum.

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And so it's very important that we are empathetic and compassionate towards others. And so when we talk about now, how do we rise back up? How do we get back up?

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Well, one of the most, and as I mentioned, one of the most powerful tools, to help us to always get back up is to have the proper concept of Allah subhanaw taala. Hosting is unlimited, and always have a positive opinion of the last panel that I'm gonna give you one more example of that. And then I'm going to give you another tool for rising. And that is this, imagine all of you sitting here today, after we're finished, you go outside, you see your mother,

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in the car, ready to drive. And she says, Get it, and you get in the car. And then she begins driving.

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And as she's driving.

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As she's driving, she starts taking a route that you've never seen before. You don't recognize the roads, you don't recognize where you're going. And you asked her, where are we going? I don't know, this way home. And she says to you, don't worry, you'll see.

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Here's my question. How many people at that point are going to panic and call the police?

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How many people don't absolutely know why.

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You don't know the route. You don't know where you're going? Why are you not panicked?

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There's one reason and one reason only because you trust the driver.

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Because you trust the driver, you have something called hustlin

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you have a positive opinion of your mother, I hope.

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And as a result of that, you are certain that she's not going to take you to a ditch and throw you and leave you there and drive off that she's not going to harm you, you are certain that she's not going to hurt you. And so you're not worried even when you don't know the route.

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Now when Allah subhanaw taala is driving our lives, because Allah is the driver.

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And when Allah is driving our lives, and we don't know where he's taking us, we don't know the route. How many of us panic and call the police. You understand? Do we have a positive opinion of the driver? Do we have a positive opinion of Allah subhana wa tada? Or do we panic the moment we don't feel like we're in control?

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Do we panic the moment we don't feel like we know what's going on.

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And this is what it means to have something called

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trust, trust in Allah subhanaw taala trust in the driver and hospitals and live in a positive opinion of Allah subhanaw taala of the driver of our lives.

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It's a very, very effective and transformative tool to rise out of our struggles, you know, are going through something difficult, but one of the most powerful ways to get through that is to always have a good opinion of a

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second,

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a very powerful tool to get out of our own struggles is to reach out and help another person who is struggling.

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And this is a principle we are told in the Quran and the Sunnah throughout the Quran and the Sunnah.

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How many of you know what the golden rule is?

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The Golden Rule is something to the effect of Do unto others as you would wish others to do unto you. It just means treat others as you'd want people to treat you. Okay, pretty cool, but not good enough. aligners messenger teach us a higher rule. So I called it the Platinum rule.

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It's treat others as you want a lot to treat you.

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That's how it works. You treat others as you want to treat you. And there is evidence in the Quran and the Sunnah, that that's exactly what happens. That how we treat others is how Allah treats us. For example, we're told that those people who have mercy for the creation, the creator will show mercy to them. And those people who have no mercy and show no mercy to the creation, Allah will not show mercy to them. We're told by the prophets I send them

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that if you help a person in need, and today, that's exactly what we're doing. We are here to help people in need. We are here to help people in situations we would never ever want ourselves or our families to be in. If you want a loss to Canada to protect you, if you want a loss of panel data to help you in your time of need, then help these people in need. That's how it works is that when we protect others, a law protects us and the prophets I send them told us that our law will continue to be at the at the back of to support

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the all of us so long as we continue to support others. Finally, the prophets I send them he says something very, very powerful.

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He said that

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I prefer

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to help my brother or sister in need then to be an empty calf if he kept his inclusion in the masjid. And it doesn't just say any message. He says this message and where is he standing? In Masjid of Medina

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How long have betina you know this is the place we like save our entire lives just to like go once you know that place. He said that I prefer to help my brother in need then to do atty calf seclusion in this Masjid.

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And he and he said that his preference was to help another in need even more than active calf in that mustard.

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What is the prophet SAW Selim teaching us?

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He's teaching us the real meaning of spirituality. See, many people misunderstand the concept of spirituality. Spirituality is not just praying in the masjid. Spirituality is not just reciting.

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But spirituality is also in how we are treating one another. Spirituality isn't how I treat someone when they're in need. Spirituality is how what am I going to do when I see someone else's suffering? What am I going to do about it?

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And what I do about it becomes a reflection of how Allah subhanaw taala treats me politically Heather was Dr. Romani. Welcome, you know, Rahim subhanak, Alo become the eyeshadow in La Jolla. And

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I just wanted to make a brief announcement. I do have a few of my books here.

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reclaim your heart, love and happiness. And I've also brought, for the first time I have two new, they're transcriptions. And what they are is that they're transcriptions of two important seminars that I did. One is called shattered glass. And this is about healing after tragedy. The second one is called I lost my way. And this is about the concept of rising up after we fall it so I have all of these unlimited copies available. In the back. I'm also I want to also this, this is also a resource that will be available within our communities, we have a lot of struggles, we have a lot of problems, and many of us don't know where to turn. I think there is a huge still a huge stigma in

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reaching out and asking for help. I was really really happy to hear about NASA and and the support that that it's giving to women in trouble. And this is the type of these are the types of initiatives we need to support and we need to continue another resource that I have that my husband actually does Islamic based coaching specifically for couples so married couples and men who are struggling with various different things from addiction, porn, addiction, drug addiction, any kind of problems, because these are the types of people who suffer in silence and a lot of times we don't know where to go, so inshallah there'll be parts in the back for those who may need it. Or if you

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know someone who could benefit Mashallah does everyone Wilfredo Santa Monica