Yasmin Mogahed – Serenity – 24 11seekingserenity

			This is ismene Janet, and you're listening to serenity streaming live on one legacy radio. serenity
is a new show that we are asking you as the listener to write into their questions, problems,
dilemmas. And we'll discuss the spiritual answers on this show. Of course, all your questions will
be anonymous. Also, we're live. So call in at 1-800-955-5548. That's one 809 55548. Now, today, we
have a question sent in by one of the listeners. And I'm going to go ahead and read that question,
and then we'll start discussing it. The question reads, my high school sweetheart and I went through
eight years, mostly on and off, mostly on and then off of a serious relationship. I feel like she's
		

			the most compatible girl I've ever met. And I would marry her in a heartbeat. But she's not Muslim.
So it was a big struggle to get out of it, and an even bigger struggle to stay away from it. Now
that I'm practicing and hamdulillah it's really tough to find someone who can meet the standard that
I've created for myself from this relationship, what's a brother to do?
		

			So this question actually gets out a lot of really deep issues. First of all, it talks in it touches
upon the issue of what really is love. And what is the difference between love for the sake of Allah
and love for the sake of the self or Neff Sani love love, which is from the neffs. And it also
brings us into the difference between the heart which is connected to Allah, and the neffs. Now, the
problem is that a lot of times when we say that we love something, or we hate something, or we like
something, or we dislike something, a lot of times the thing which we love with or we hate with, or
we like with or we dislike with is actually our nefs now what is naps? neffs is that lower part of
		

			ourselves, it's the the basically the lust or the desires of a human being that drives the naps. And
so, a lot of times again, when we when we feel something towards someone or some thing, it is for
the sake of our own selves, it's is that lower self, it's that neffs that feels that that
attachment, or detachment, or or dislike. Now, the the issue now, how does that relate to this
particular question? Well, I think that this brings us into the issue of Neff Sani love, where we
get into a situation where it's not really true love that we're feeling but rather hella, and how is
a very, very dangerous, almost prison that we can find ourselves in. * is something where, what
		

			again, what attracts us is is you know, our own lower self. It's something which is not for the sake
of Allah. What does it mean to love for the sake of Allah, what it means to love for the sake of
Allah is that I love what Allah loves, and I hate what Allah hates. And rather more Moreover, I love
the person or the thing that loves Allah and I the more that something or someone loves a lot, the
more I love that thing. And the more that someone does not love Allah or displeases Allah, the more
that I myself am turned off from that thing or that person, that is what love for the sake of Allah
means. It means that what I love is not for my own self, it is not because of my own self, but
		

			rather it is because of four and through a loss upon our dialer. It is it is making mice it isn't it
is by saying that you love through a las panatela it means that again, you love what Allah loves,
and you love what loves Allah. Now why is that so completely different than the than the image of
love that we have all around us? Well, the reason why that's so different is because we live in a
society where the human being is at the center of the universe. I myself my own thoughts and desires
and ideas and wants are at the center. And so everything revolves around that whatever pleases my
myself my desires. That's what I am attracted to. That's what is, is you know what, what I'm most
		

			drawn to? I don't the idea of, of what pleases God is has become obsolete. So again, we live in this
in this society where the self is very much worshipped. And Allah talks about this in the code on
when he says that do you see the one
		

			Who takes their own desires, as their as their object of worship, that these people it's, it's, it's
a people who, whatever, again, whatever pleases my desires, whatever pleases me is what I'm going to
worship is what I'm going to run after is what I'm going to obey, above everything else. God really
isn't part of that picture, even when we say that we love God, but really what's driving us is not
love of God, but rather love of self. And there is a huge distinction here. And in order to really
free ourselves, from the love of self, we have to learn to love for the sake of Allah, for Allah
through Allah and because of Allah. So when I love something, the more again, the more that that
		

			thing is beloved to God, the more I will love it, and the more that that thing reminds me of God,
the more I will love it, if there's a person who brings me closer to Allah, or reminds me of a law,
that is what I will be most drawn to, rather than someone who, you know, makes me feel a certain
way. And again, it's an F Sani feeling, it's a feeling that's, that's from you, no one's neffs. And
so in the situation of this, of this brother who's struggling, and this makes a lot of sense that
actually he is struggling. And the reason I say that is because the prison of the neps, the prison
of hella is one of the worst and most difficult prisons to break out of, when you become in, in, in,
		

			in trapped by something which you have worshipped in the sense of your, you know, it has enough
standing in US neffs anyway, something which you have, you know, have worshipped in that sense, it
is very, very, very difficult to break. And to break out of that is essentially talking about this,
this ongoing struggle of jihad neffs, which means the struggle against one's own self, that struggle
against the next. And I think that this issue really, really gets at that in a very real way.
Because, again, it's, it's, it's something that was not loved for the sake of a law, it was not
something that was nice, you know, bringing one closer to a law because, again, this person did not
		

			themselves recognize the law in the way that he has commanded us to recognize him, or worship Him.
And so obviously, this level is not for the sake of Allah in the sense that, you know, it, you know,
the the person says that it did not bring, you know, it wasn't something that brought them closer to
God, but rather, has become a struggle and something that, that they have to, they had to sacrifice.
And I think that, you know, the issue of the prison of the neffs really comes to play, you know, in
in the, in the sentence where the brother says, that this is what this is creating, he said, a
certain type of standard. So he talks about that, it's really tough to find someone who can meet the
		

			standard that I've created for myself from this relationship. And I find that that that's actually
really interesting and and what what happens, when you become when you create a necessary attachment
to something is that that thing becomes very beautified in your eyes. And that beautification is
actually a deception. It's completely a deception. It's a deception of the neffs. And it's a
deception of shape on where, you know, we are told that that shaitan will beautify that Witch's hut,
or will beautify that which is not pleasing to Allah or not for the sake of Allah. And this is
exactly what happens with the * out with our own desires, or our neffs any attachments is that it
		

			becomes so attractive, almost like a drug. So it's something that, you know, you're so you almost
become addicted to it. And, and so, it becomes very, very difficult to let go of, and this is
actually something I had written about before, where I talked about a story of a girl who was in a
very similar situation, you know, switched, where the girl was very attached to the brother and she
just in her eyes, he was just the end all of everything. I mean, there was no one who could could,
could come close to you know, how he was in her eyes. And, and what she found over time was that her
attachment to him really had become like a sort of worship, and essentially became the cause of so
		

			much pain for her. And it was really because, you know, she had put him at such a high level. And it
was, it was, it was again, a level that really only Allah should have in us and, and obviously, you
know, Allah should should hold the highest place in our heart, but rather she had put something
else, you know, in that place, and as a result of doing that she suffered greatly. She suffered
		

			Very, she suffered greatly for for you know many years. And it was almost like she was in a, in a
sort of prison and that she couldn't, you know, she really it was so so difficult to to break out
of. And it was again, it was something as if you know, it had gone into her very veins into her
blood into her into her her cells where it was that hard to break out of it. And I think that, you
know, the really the solution to breaking out of some sort of, you know, attachment to something
other than Allah which is again, not for the sake of Allah but rather, for the sake of the neffs is
is something that, you know, it's something that we have to work at, and we have to struggle at and
		

			inshallah we'll be taking a short break now. But when we return, we will talk about practical ways
to break out of these false and unhealthy attachments
		

			Welcome back. This is yes, mean Mujahid and you're listening to serenity on one legacy radio. And
we're talking today about, you know, unhealthy attachments. And we're answering a question today
from a brother who is talking about a his high school sweetheart who had beat he had become very
attached to over eight years, and how he, you know, he had to break it off because this woman was
not Muslim. And he was talking about the struggle of having to break that off and stay away from it,
but also the struggle of finding someone who fits that, you know, that standard or reaches that
level that that he that she did in his eyes. So, we we talked a little bit about the idea of how of
		

			the difference between loving for the sake of Allah and loving for the sake of the neffs. And I
think that, you know, this really touches upon that, that issue at a deep way of loving for the sake
of the the neffs where, where the the attachment is not based on you know, it's not based on love of
God is not based on what God loves, or what, you know, what brings us closer to God. But it's it's
very much a, a an attachment that we have with our neffs or our neffs love something. And I think in
terms of when we talk about breaking out of that, it, first of all, we have to understand why it
becomes so, so difficult to break out of that. And the reason is that when we become enslaved to our
		

			neffs, or to our desires, it really is the worst and most difficult prison to break out of. And part
of the reason why it's so difficult to break out of is because it has become so beautiful to us, it
looks so attractive to us. Because, again, our neffs and our and our and our lower self or our
desires have an attachment to it. And so it's something that we crave, it's something a lot of times
that we actually even become addicted to, like a drug, really, it's no less than a drug. Because
you'll find that breaking away from from this person or this this attachment. That's for other than
the sake of Allah, you become almost like someone in detox, right, like somebody who's addicted to a
		

			drug, and they haven't had that drug, you know, they they the way that that person is or looks or
acts, it's almost like it resembles the same you know, the same type of symptoms that you have, when
you aren't able to be with that person or you aren't able to satisfy your, you know, your your
nevski desire or attachment to this thing. And one of the things that, you know, why, again, how do
we break out of that? And why is it so difficult? I think that the the idea that we need to think
about is reorienting the heart towards Allah subhanaw taala. And first of all, breaking the
illusion, understanding and seeing it for what it is. See if we, the more that we see something as
		

			beautiful, the more we're going to chase it and the more we're going to want it. But if we are able
to purify ourselves and ask Allah to show us, you know, truth as truth, to be able to see things as
they really are. And in that way if we are able to see this attachment or the attachments that we
have that are that are of our neffs that are necessary or that are because of our health and not
divine attachments, then it's much easier for us to break them. And I really love the story of
Prophet Yunus because prophet Yunus the story of Prophet
		

			This is about the prophet who, because he had left his people before he was told, what happened to
him was he went out to sea. And while they were on the boat, they decided that they needed that the
boat was like sinking or and they decided that they were actually going to need to throw someone off
the boat. And so they drew lots to see who was that they were going to throw. And every time they
did it, it was prophet Yunus. And so eventually, he actually got thrown out to sea. And when he did,
he got swallowed by a giant fish. And that inside of that whale, or that that giant fish is where he
reaches that, almost like this sort of prison that he gets himself into. And although many of us,
		

			you know, obviously, none of us are going to be swallowed by a giant fish, we do get to points in
our life where we feel trapped, right, where we feel like, we can't get out and it's dark, and it's
like, layer upon layer. And we just feel like we're completely trapped. And so that's why, again,
these stories are told to us in the Koran, they're not intended just to be bedtime stories. They're
not just intended to entertain us, but rather, they're given to us so that we can learn a lesson
from them. And what is the lesson that we you and I can learn from this story of a man who stuck in
a giant fish? Well, again, we're not going to be in that exact situation, but yet we are. And when
		

			we find ourselves stuck, you know, like this, for example, this brother, in a sense, he is stuck, he
is stuck inside of this sort of prison of his own attachments to this to this person. And it really
is no less than a prison. It's no less than, you know, this, it's like a trap. And and when we feel
and we find ourselves in these situations where we just can't break out, we just can't, you know,
whether it's it's it breaking out of our own,
		

			our own neffs our own, you know, attachments to things which are, which are actually causing us harm
in our relationship with a lot and causing us a lot of sadness, causing us a lot of despair. And so
what can we learn from this story, we'll look at the diet of Prophet Yunus, Allah, his Selim when he
is in this situation. And that really can teach us what we need to do ourselves when we find
ourselves in similar situations. And that is, first he starts by realizing again, he starts by re
like, he starts by focusing his heart by focusing his heart entirely on Allah soprano with the
island. And he says, and this is a beautiful dot, which we are taught to say, when we are in times
		

			of hardship, and that's La Ilaha. Illa, anta so panikkar in the consuming of volume in so the first
part of the diet is a realization of Allah subhanaw taala refocusing re orienting the heart, on
Allah subhanaw taala, and on his oneness, that there is nothing, there is nothing worthy of our
worship, there is nothing worthy of our ultimate attachment. There is nothing worthy of us, you
know, having sleepless nights, or, you know, staying up, worrying about, you know, occupying our
mind there is nothing worthy of this except for God except for Allah. And that's, that's the first
part where he says La Ilaha Illa, Anta sapan, aka that you are far above all of these other things,
		

			right? All of these other possible forms of worship all of these other possible LS, you know, these
objects of worships or deities that we take, whether it's people or its money, or its status, or its
wealth, or whatever it is, or it's our job, or it's our body or our looks, or whatever it is, that
he is far, far above all of that. So it's a focus on Allah and Allah alone. And then after that, he
says, In the quantum minute volume mean, he realizes he says that, indeed, I was among the
wrongdoers. So the first part is reorienting himself towards Allah, and realizing that there's
nothing worthy of his worship or being a deity or being at that place other than Allah, and that
		

			allows high above all the rest. And then the second part is that he realizes his own wrongdoing and
the fact that he, you know, he humbles him, his himself, so he exalts God, and then he humbles
himself. And once he does that, that's when he is released from his prison. And honestly, you know,
this, this prison that's described here in this question, and that a lot of us find ourselves in,
where we are attached to things which are not for the sake of Allah, and they are causing us a lot
of pain and it's, it's, it's like a prison for us. That the only way that we also will be let out of
that prison is by reorienting ourselves towards Allah subhanaw taala and making him our ultimate
		

			focus
		

			And breaking ourselves away from the desires of the next, you know, realizing that we have to stop
and we have to stop, we have to stop worshipping our own selves, our own desires. And, you know, and
and break away from that. And only then will we to be set free from our own prisons of our minds and
our hearts. So I had a we had a question in the chat box, actually. And it says,
		

			with the phrase, something that begins as haram will never be halen be true? That's an interesting
question. And I mean, I think it's, you know, somewhat related to this question as well. And I think
that that is not necessarily true. I think that the idea that something
		

			that begins as haram will never become Helen. Well, no, because, for example, there are many
situations where something began as haram and it became Hillel, for example, those who decide to to
convert to Islam, you know, they might have began their life with harem. They, you know, someone may
have worshipped other than Allah, but through Toba, and through turning their life around and
reorienting their heart towards Allah subhanaw taala they have now turned their life into into
Thailand.
		

			There's never a situation and it's very, very dangerous to get in a situation where you believe, you
know, this, this that there's no hope left. You know, it's and this is this is absolutely against
the the concept of Toba. It's against the concept. It's not an academic concept work, the the the
concept that we are taught is that we should never ever lose hope, and that there's always a chance
to turn around, and there's always a chance to turn our life around, there's always a chance to turn
back to Allah and make things right. There's always a chance, so long as we're still breathing, so
long as we're still on this earth. And so, you know, this is this idea. I think it again, it can be
		

			very dangerous to think that something can never be fixed. You know, if it was wrong, once it can
never be fixed, then there's no, there's no reason to believe that if we know that Allah is the most
merciful and that his door of Toba is always open. And so, you know, in the case of for example, a
relationship there may have been a relationship. And it started out as something Haram. And, you
know, both parties decided that they want to, you know, make it right and make Toba and make it
right and set it you know, and maybe they decided that they want to get married, or they want you
know, to start their life in the right way. And I mean, that's that's that would be a beautiful
		

			thing to do. I think that the the idea that whatever starts out How long will never be handed also
can make you susceptible for perhaps the whispering of shaitan, who will tell you well, you know
what, it's always going to be hot on anyway. So you might as well, you know, not try you, you won't
even don't even try to make it right, because it's always going to be so it leads into this
defeatist mentality. where, you know, what, it's that it's that whole concept of I'm going to *
Anyway, why, you know, why do I need to try and that's completely understandable. In fact, that's,
that's, that's the way shaitan wants us to think and so that will lose hope will lose hope in Allah
		

			and we and we won't be motivated to try. So I think that's extremely important that we remember that
we you know, the door of Toba is always open and that you know, we can always turn back to Allah and
you know, make things right in sha Allah May Allah guide us all. You're listening to serenity with
us mean Mujahideen and we're looking for your questions at Serenity at one legacy radio.com and
inshallah hope to see you next week a Santa Monica Allahu barakato