Channel: Yasmin Mogahed
Tonight's speaker is known for a captivating entire audience with thoughts and reflections. She was a psychology graduate, and occasional masters in Journalism and Mass Communication from the University of Wisconsin Madison. As a skilled writer, her literature speaks from the heart and it's helped by millions across the world. After completing her graduate work, she taught Islamic Studies and served as a youth coordinator. Currently, she's a writer for Huffington Post, international speaker and author who focuses mostly on spiritual and personal development. She has her book available worldwide, Reclaim Your heart personal insights on breaking free from life's shackles.
Her beliefs really all the troubles of life's Weis relationship loss
is remedy for those seeking comfort in Sonia. She's the she's the
first female instructor.
Thank you for coming out. The weather is like completely flipped, like record highs after record lows, right?
I'm really passionate about this topic. And I'm really happy to see so many young people here today, because this is the future, right? We have when when you really want change, you have to change it at the root. And so what I want to do today and talking about our relationship with Allison, I want to begin by discussing some issues that I think are some methods that I think that we're getting wrong. And then I want to talk about how to fix it. So to start out with, I think there are some some very, very vital, very crucial and very devastating mistakes that we're making, in the way in which we're actually teaching in the way that parents and teachers are training their students or
their children and their students. And that is this, I think, for a long time, somewhere along the line, we have sort of turned them into just a list of how long.
Okay, so Islam has been sort of all the beauty of what is said is has sort of been minimized to just be a list, you know, maybe like a Google list that you put on your fridge, right? It's hard to do this. And it's kind of hard to do this. And it's how to dress like this. And it's how to how to dress like this and a time to eat like this and attend it like this. Now, all of those things, these are these are the rules. These
are the important.
They are important, they are necessary. But I'm talking about something deeper here. I'm talking about the fact that Sam has been reduced to only helmet head. Now the problem with doing that is that here's what happens. So kids growing up a lot of times when they're taught about them. before they're even they reached the age of like four they already know the basically like two words about about the demons they're being taught. One is home, and the other is hellfire. regenda. So there's this methodology of teaching through fear. Do you guys feel me anyone filming? Anyone? Okay? There is a methodology of teaching children through fear. Now, I'm not talking about tough love. Tough
Love is, is something a little bit different than what I'm talking about. I'm talking about fear, like you fear a bully, or like you fear the police or like you fear someone who's just going to hurt you. Okay. And the problem with teaching your children that way, when teaching students that way, is that Imagine for a moment that a child their entire life, is told you know what you've ever watched yourself because if you do this, the police is going to guide you. If you do that the police are going to get you and throw you in jail. If you do this, the police can ask that child grows. Now you might be wanting them for their own good. Right. Let me ask you a question. What happens to that
child's relationship with the police? What happens to that child his perception of the police? How does that child feel about the police does that child when I have a really close relationship
With the police.
No, right? What is that children feel about the police, that child is basically going to want to avoid the police is a sign of familiar. And so what happens is, is that when we teach our children the deen in this way where it's all about punishment, and wrath, and how long it leads us as they grow up to just not want to have anything to do with religion, let me just stay away from religion completely. Because no matter what I do, I'm gonna go to hell weird kinds of thinking like that. It starts to actually create a sense of unhealthy fear, which is different than unhealthy fear that leads to despair and hopelessness. Does that make sense? All right, not if you understand that it's
not the healthy kind of fear that makes you do better. It's not that healthy kind of taqwa. It's the unhealthy kind of fear that makes you say, you know what, let me just stay away from religion completely. Let me just stay away from a law completely. Because no matter what I do, I'm going to do something wrong. And I'm going to go to hell. It's this fear that isn't healthy. It's actually demoralizing and paralyzing, it makes the person fall into despair. Now, one thing we have to understand is this is not the way that the Prophet sallallahu Sallam taught people. When you say the seal of the prophets, I said, when you say How about God and kingdom, there's a very, very profound
Hadith in which which were told that if the first verses to be revealed, were about do not commit Zina, for example, or do not drink alcohol, then people would have said, we will never give up. And we will never be without. This is profound. It's the first verses were like this people would have rejected.
They were so entrenched in these behaviors, they wouldn't have left it. Why? Because you're starting with rules. You can't start with rules. Because if you start with the rules, people just reject them. So that it goes on to say that the first versus to be revealed, weren't rules, they weren't about give up alcohol, or give up in the first verses that were revealed. And if you study and you study the first verses, of especially the verses that were revealed in Mecca, you'll find that they were verses about our relationship with Allah subhanaw taala. About the day of judgment about these, these these concepts that created an attachment to a bar. They weren't talking about rules at the
beginning, they were talking about loving a lot about about not wanting to displease a lot about the concept of right and wrong about about the fact that there is that there is ultimate retribution, that that we're going to be asked when we leave this slide, because life is not the end. So you understand it was it was building these concepts first. See, if you look at like if you look at a tree, right? For a tree to be firm, what does it have to have?
roots and not just roots, but firm, deep roots, roots that go down and out wide. So for for a tree to be firm? See, if a tree isn't firm, what happens when a wind blows and knocks it out right now to the doubt if he can use a straw, we can even pull a tree out of out from the from the from the roots. But the deeper the roots, the harder it is to knock down a tree, right? And this is what happens with the believer. The believer has to have four roots first, in order to be able to handle the trials that come. What are these trials? Well, there's a lot of trials, there's a lot of pressure, not just peer pressure, but just all around us. There's a lot of trials, there's a lot of
deception. And in order for us to be able to keep ourselves on the straight path. We're going to have to have firm rules. Now what builds the firm roots what what makes roots firm, it is in the love. Isn't the attachment to almost tough love that healthy kind of fear. Now let me talk for a moment about I just talked to you about unhealthy fear. What is healthy fear? Well, let me ask you guys a question right?
Think about the person in your life that you love most. Just brings to mind your mom.
Think about the person in your life that you love the most. All right, everyone has someone in their head.
Yes, okay. I like interactive audiences. So just use your head say, yeah, say no, that's fine. Okay. Now think for a moment
about what would happen if that person that loved the most is angry with you. Or that person that you love the most wants to cut you off. doesn't ever want to see you again. Does never want to speak to you again.
says you know what? I have nothing to do with you. How does that feel? Right? Immediately people like have a reaction. A visceral reaction to that. It brings about love. why people should just throw it out.
Pain, what else? anger? Okay, what else? desperation?
Regret. Okay, what are what do you feel when you think about losing the person you love most?
You feel afraid, you feel fear that that makes us feel a deep sense of fear, oh my god.
How can I say to you that that person was going to abuse you or that person who's going to slap you? The person who said, you know, put you in the hospital. All he said was they would be displeased with you. You guys understand what I'm saying? And so this is the essence of taqwa, isn't it? If you love us, you fear displeasing him.
If you love the love of it, you fear being disconnected from it. And in fact, that's what scholars say is that the worst punishment of the Hellfire, even more than the physical burning, and the boiling water and all these these terrible, you know, the experiences that are described, the worst punishment of Hellfire, is being disconnected from all those is the fact that the people in Hellfire, they don't get to see a lot. They don't get to speak. So there is a hijab, as Allah tells us, or a veil, put between them, and they are disconnected from them. And even as far as a law says, that today, you will be forgotten. Can you imagine your own mother saying that you see, you're
forgotten. Today, you're forgotten. I just owned you. I don't remember you. That is it's a very deep fear that we bring about. Now imagine it's not your mother, but the Lord of the Universe, Allah saying that, that in fact, scholars say is the greatest the worst punishment of hellfire. Now that fear comes about, from what? What was the root of it, love? It was love and attachment. But let me ask you this question. What if it's complete stranger, someone you care about? Someone you don't even know comes and says, I don't want to talk to you again.
Like literally a complete stranger comes up to a mall, and says, By the way, I never want to talk to you again.
who cares, right? You have any reaction to that, because you'd have no relationship with this person. You don't care about? displeasing a complete stranger, right?
So this is the essence really, the essence, the root of our relationship with a lot needs to be having a really happy attachment. So what happened when the prophesizing abroad is then it began with building a solid foundation in the attachment tools.
And then after the companions had built a solid bottom level, then these rules came. And and many of these rules came later on in mithya. So if you look at the study over and you find that most of the the rules, you know, the herranz and the do's and the don'ts, they were met any meaning that they came down to they were not at the beginning of the of the message, they were in the second part in the middle portion. So this is something that I think we're doing drastically wrong, is that we are beginning we are teaching from the beginning where we don't have a foundation is a bond and a logo above us. And instead, we're only teaching rules. We're teaching heroin and heroin and then, and
then we're using a law, which is like, I think it's just the most terrible thing to your kid is that you're losing a lot to try to control your kid. So how do you do that? Because like, you want your kid to do something, right? So what do you do you or do you want them to stop doing something? If you don't talk to my kid, meaning like four year old five, I'm not talking about like an adult kid like a little kid. If you don't stop doing this alone.
gonna punish you. Okay, that's really great, because what you've done now, if you love the bad guy,
like, Do you understand what I'm saying? So what you've put in this child's head is that a lot is just about punishment.
A lot is just about punishment. So now this child grows up with an unhealthy avoidance out of unhealthy fear of us.
And it's no wonder that youth grow up and they're just like, just avoided altogether. And it's because of that imbalance. When it speaks about himself. What does he say about himself? Alone, when he speaks of himself, he says, My Mercy supersedes my wrath. Allah says that, my mercy and have the qualities of my birth My Mercy supersedes my wrath. So Allah Mercy is greater than his punishment. But we teach the other way around.
We teach the other way around. And it is, it is extremely harmful to the to the man of these children, and all these people that we're teaching, and not just children. But when someone comes comes into the folders set is a convert or a reverb, what's the first step we teach? Okay, now you might change your name and stop celebrating Valentine's Day. Like, that's number one. Right? Like, okay, that's the first thing you're taught. But that's not the way to go about it. The first thing needs to be about building the bond with the law. And it is no, it is no surprise that people end up straying that people don't aren't able to stay on the straight path. Because if you go have those
for Ruth, the first strong win, and it just knocks you down the problem, and even how we're teaching our Congress or our recruits, we're not giving them strong roots, we're teaching them. Here are the rules, right? So then what happens the first test that they go through, and they can't handle it, because they didn't have those strong roots. And this is what's happening to our youth. So what is very, is very, very important. And I'm not saying that the rules are not important. I'm saying that there is a methodology there's a there's a prophetic methodology. And it was about, about teaching the the foundation in the love of art and in healthy taqwa and then introducing the rules. Now, how
do you do that? How do you build that foundation? The foundation comes, now I sent you that we need a local law, right? How do you love someone like think about think about a human being? Are you going to love someone that you don't know? Again, this stranger in the mall comes up to you and says, By the way, I speak to you again, right?
You don't have any reaction to that. Why? Because you don't love this person. You love this person. Why? Because you don't know that younger, amazing. You can't love someone you don't know.
The way to love someone needs to know them, you have to have to know and and and remember that person and and learn about that person in order to love them. You can't love the Prophet as I said, we don't know the Prophet size. We can't know the loss.
So it's about beginning a path of knowledge of Allah subhanaw taala. How do you do that? Well, there's no better way than through his own words, through his own words, which is the words of light and heavy as you start to remember a lot more now this is the concept of vision, and the wall of victory our lives. Vision is how we get to know us by reading, by studying and by remembering a lot throughout our day and throughout our lives. Something that you're going to find interesting is in the Quran, when Allah Subhana Allah talks about vision.
When a law talks about the good, he doesn't just tell us to remember him or he doesn't just say the School of Law. But there's another word that's added. Does anyone know what it is?
Castilian kassian. And the word casier means a lot. So when all the talks about the end, he doesn't just talk about remembering a lot. You see, here's the thing we could remember a little once a week, right? Like, like other religions and remember by once a week they say remember by week, okay, we can remember a legend once a week on Friday, but is that enough? He answers it's not why I'm gonna tell you why. Zeke is like oxygen
is simply like oxygen.
Now, could you breathe once a week and be okay?
Okay, you guys are seriously amazing. You can't breathe once a week and be okay. You can't remember a lot once we could be okay. What about if you only breathed?
for 29 to 30 days? I hear you feel me? What am I talking about? Ramadan? Right? What if that was
you when you would live? And this is the issue and I truly I believe there's a there's a few reasons why we're suffering. There's there's a few reasons why we're suffering. The first is we don't have firm roots, we don't have a foundation. So anyone that comes knocking us out, any trial is knocking us down, not only individually, but as a community, you guys understand what I'm saying individually. And collectively, we don't have firms. And part of the reason for that is that we haven't really built our love for UCLA, and we haven't taught our children, instead, we're just teaching rules. Alright, so that's one problem. Another reason why I think we're suffering is that
many of us are low on oxygen, just the same way that someone you know, comes into the hospital, and they check their Pulse ox to check their oxygen level, if it's low, that person isn't going to be able to survive. So I think what's happening to us is that our oxygen level and I'm talking about spiritual oxygen, our spiritual oxygen level is very, very low. Why we are just simply aren't remembering a lot enough. It's really very simple. See, someone can go to the doctor and be like, Doctor, I have no idea what's wrong with me, right? I'm having all these problems. So lethargic and so weak. And you know what, the doctor can come in on a million different tours, right? But if the
person isn't breathing, now, things are gonna matter. Right? So it's really the essence of our problem is that we just don't have enough spiritual oxygen. We just don't remember a long enough. We don't remember a lot, you know. So how is it that we can incorporate this spiritual oxygen in a practical way in our lives? What do you guys think?
Prayer first thing, right? I want to just take a moment and talk about the importance of the soul. And the reason I want to do that is if I don't do that, I'd be like a a nutritionist or like a personal trainer coming up here and talking to you about you know what, this is eat organic, eat raw, you know, exercise, but none of you are breathing. I would be I I'm, I'm missing. I'm missing the forest. Right? I missing the forest for the leaf. I'm missing the most essential thing if I'm not going to talk about sonar. are you guys feeling me? Yes. So I have to talk about solar. If we're going to talk about spiritual health or having any relationship with Allah, we have to talk about
sola because the Prophet five silent told us that the Salah is the essence, right? He told us a few things. I'm just going to remind you and myself of these things. First, he told us that the difference between a believer and a catheter a disbeliever is the soma. Okay?
He didn't say the difference between a believer and a disbeliever is drinking alcohol or Zina or any of these other terrible sins, He said so long
to just be absorbed. So the other thing the Prophet told us is that the first thing we're asked about on the Day of Judgment is, that's the first thing. And then he goes on to say that if your salon is in order, then then that person will be successful. And if it is not, then that person will have failed. So it won't matter that you ate organic, if you're not breathing.
You feel me, it won't matter. You have to breathe, just to stay alive. And then we can talk about eating healthy and exercising. Right. Okay, now this Hold on. One other thing I want to mention about it is that it is just like oxygen. And oxygen isn't something that you can delay. Your I mean, like if you're having a really important exam, like say you're taking the most important exam, you're like putting the MCAT
stats, or you're taking whatever exam it is that you're taking.
Are you going to say Oh, because I'm taking this exam or because I'm studying for this exam? I'll preach tomorrow,
or next week, or maybe next year? I You can't say that, right? Anyone? What's gonna happen? You will die before tomorrow. Because you have to breathe to be able to stay alive. And so you're never going to put off breathing in order to study for an exam. You're never going to put off breathing in order to go shopping at the mall.
You're not gonna put off breathing, because you're in a bad mood that day. Right? This is another thing, that's another tactic that shikon uses is that when you're down, and everyone's gonna get down, I guarantee it. It's just part of lujah, isn't it, we have ups and we have downs, and you will not have downs. Exactly. So the point is, you're alive, you live in Goodyear, therefore, you're going to have times where you're down, you're gonna have times where you don't feel like it, you're gonna have energy, you're gonna have times maybe when you feel really, really, you know, heavy and not motivated.
Now, in those times, let me ask you this, what would happen, if you stopped breathing,
you die. So you want to just be down anymore, you actually die, you feeling weak, and this is what happened spiritually, you might feel down. But if you stop praying, you're not just going to be down, it will be a spiritual death.
You see, and this is the trick that shikon uses, is that when you're down, he wants you to give up on your soul.
Even if you doubt because maybe you committed a sin. Maybe you feel ashamed of yourself. And this is another trick if you feel ashamed of yourself, shame on sometimes comes and says, Look at you can't you you hypocrite. You're so to face right? You're a hypocrite because you're you're committing this sin, which you know, is wrong. And then you're going to go pray.
You see, this is a classic trickle shaped bomb, he wants you to lose hope.
He wants you to despair. So he wants you to give up. It's like a person who gets sick. Suppose you have the flu. Anyone ever got sick before the flu? All right. Now say you have the flu, and you're sick. And you think you know what, because I'm sick, I'm going to start breathing. Makes no sense, right? What's gonna happen to you, you're gonna get sicker until you die. And this is the problem is that when you're done, even if you're you just committed the worst thing in the universe. Right? If you choose at that point not to pray, you're only going to make it worse. And what can happen is that what shikon is trying to do is to make you go lower, and lower and lower. Because you don't
just get down like this, when you leave oxygen, you get down, down, down down like this, and it goes fast. And then eventually, it's a spiritual guff. And when a person is spiritually dead, a lot of bad things happen after that. And I'll just give you a few of them. One of the things that happens when you're spiritually dead, is that you can no longer see the difference between right and wrong. And then something else happens, you start to see wrong as right, and you start to see right as wrong. Black becomes white and white becomes black.
This is why this is why if you ever look at a person who starts to move away from their from the team, it always has to start with the soul. So for example, a person doesn't just wake up one day, praying five times a day doing their God doing all that and wakes up one day.
That's just not
it's just not how it happens. Here's how it happens, it happens because you slowly start to move away from the remembrance of Allah. And there's something else that happens and that is your environment. Okay, human beings, human beings are rather predictable, we try to say like, human beings are so empathic, normal, human beings are rather predictable, you stop breathing, you die, right, you jump into a pile of dirt, you get dirty, you feel me, you go into water, you get wet. So this is what's happening, you do certain things spiritually, you're gonna have a very predictable reaction or a very predictable outcome. So the person stops remembering a lot, they start missing
their prayers, or they start delaying their prayers, or you don't want all five before I sleep, and then it becomes two and then it becomes one that becomes zero. That is a slippery slope of how someone gets to a point, for example, where they take off their engine, or whatever it is that they're doing whatever sin is,
what also happens is the environment. Now this is another point I want to make very important. The prophets have said and told us that a person is on the team of their closest friends. You understand that he does very profound and most wide as a leader. What does that even mean? It means that
That you will take on the actions, the mannerisms, the beliefs, even say things are going to become funny to you, okay, you start to become just like your best friend, you start to become just like your best friend. So you have to be very careful who your best friend is. You understand, if your best friend is a certain way, you will be like that. That's and this isn't me saying this is prophetic. This is this is the prophet Isaiah that say that the person is on the way to their closest friend. So what happens is if you, if you get a person, they saw how taking in their their surgical oxygen, or they start to reduce a lower level of oxygen right there, they're not praying.
They're not having a regular regimen of vision of remembrance. They're not praying, they're not reading. And they're not in circles of remembrance of Allah. They're not around company that remember a lot. And then now add something else. There's a new element now in with social media. Now add the element that everywhere they look, it's all about looks kind of cool. Everywhere they look, it's all about appearances. Right? Right. Right. It's all about how you look. It's all about how you dress. It's all about how skinny you are. It's all about how you know how how attractive, you could be, right? Because you know, you're following all these people on Instagram, and then follow these
people on Snapchat or Facebook, whatever. And it's all about looks at what else fashion, fashion and looks. Now take that person, take that person, they've just taken away their spiritual oxygen, or they're slowly taking away they're not praying as regularly, they don't have that connection to love through the remembrance of the law. Again, it's oxygen can be once a week. It can even be once a day, right? There's a reason we pray five times a day, right? So imagine you take that away. And now add the fact that everything around them is all about how you look and how you dress. What do you think now you don't have to be a genius. What's gonna happen to that person? It doesn't take a
genius. Eventually, what happens is the hijet just become looser. Right? And then eventually, it's like, you know, just different. And then eventually, and this is no surprise. It's not like, Oh, my God, I do remember that how that happens. It's a very predictable type of reaction. And it's because our connection so loves example, this is just one example. Let me let me explain. Hey, jack is one act of worship is not the only act of worship, but it is one act of worship. All right. And I'm using this as an example because there's an epidemic.
And it is important to understand why that's happening.
So especially when we live in a world that's so obsessed with looks, and so obsessed with fashion, and so obsessed with how you appear, and then you take away the connection to love. There's no surprise, your environment shapes you. And so that brings me to the next point. Okay. The first point I talked about the oxygen right the soul. And in addition to that, let me just advise one other thing. There are simplifications and prophesies, I used to say throughout his day, I advise you to at least take some of those and make them a regular habit. And the reason for that is it's it's similar to not just increasing your oxygen, but like taking really, really strong vitamins and
minerals. Right? If I were going to talk to you about physical health, this is what I would tell you. This is spiritual health. And so if you're saying these, these applications throughout your day, you're going to become healthier and stronger spiritually, what are they will get an app called my two A's. And, and this is this is basically this is portraits of those. It's a collection of the drives of the prophets, I send them and a friend of what he used to say prophecy, get that out. It's like the best investment is it 99 cents Guys, get that out, have fun on your phone and live a regimen with your Oscar. There are there are some applications you're supposed to say in the
morning. Some applications are supposed to save the evening, and there's some before you sleep, if you can at least do these three times. It doesn't have to be a lot. This is another triple shake on just let me tell you this. His trick is all or none. I've heard that one before. If you can't be perfect as don't try, right. As soon as you mess up, just give up on that strikeout strip. So even if you're gonna say true supplications to Gods but you're gonna be consistent. It's better than doing nothing. And it will be affected you as much as you can be consistent.
The actions that are consistent, well, even if they're small, even if they're small, this is a spiritual principle. But it's also physical principle, right? Because if you want to get a flat semi, you have to do sit ups regularly 1000, why isn't it working? You also can't say I did one. So you have to be consistent if you want to see results, even if it's small. So this is part of your your oxygen. And then and then the last part of the oxygen is the plan is having a connection to the plan, a regular connection to the words of that spiritual oxygen, okay, the second part has to do with environment. And this is I touched upon it a little bit with social media, but I really cannot
overemphasize the importance of environment, you you know, they say you are what you eat.
You are what you eat. If you constantly sip on poison, like every day, in the morning for breakfast, with your cornflakes, you have super poison. And you do this every single day, you might not die right away, depending how strong the poison is. But what what are you doing, you're dying slowly, right?
You're actually harming your organs, but you're doing it slowly. The same thing happens spiritually, that when you're sipping on poison through the things that you're looking at, through the things or listening to, to the things you're talking about, is having an effect on your heart. It's just like eating poisonous food, or drinking poison, you might not die right away, but you are killing yourself internally. And so when you're watching things which are hot on and listening to things that are home and talking about things that are hot on, it's just like sipping and eating poison, you're actually killing your heart, little by little internally. So be mindful of what you're
looking at. Be mindful. And I think now, the best and most important way to be mindful of what you're looking at, is to manage your newsfeed. Okay, I'm not going to tell you right now, just be off all social media because it's not realistic. And so social media is extremely beneficial, right, but I'm telling you to manage your newsfeed because managing your newsfeed is like managing your fridge. Okay? Now, if there's pointed out, they're not going to tell you to stop eating, I'm going to tell you manage your fridge. Because whatever you have in your fridge, that's what you're going to eat.
whatever's on your newsfeed, they don't really see like your fridge.
Okay, whatever's on your newsfeed is what you're going to eat that day. So once you look at that day, what you read that day, that's what you're taking in. That's what you're eating that day. So check out your fridge, what's in your fridge? Check your new see what's on it? What's in it? What's in it? Is it healthy? Is it healthy stuff? Or is it about what celebrities are eating and wearing? Or every kind of way to put on makeup and hijabs?
Do you get it? You get what I'm saying? Is it that you're looking at things you shouldn't be looking at? Is all superficial? Or is it healthy? Is it something that's enriching you? Or something that's poisoning you? You understand what I'm saying? Who are you following on social media? That's what you're eating that day, a person will be as the same way as their closest friends. What are you taking in every single day? That's what you become? Is that making sense? So that is why if the only thing you're looking at every single day is every single fashion trend, and every single, you know what I mean? every possible way to contour. I mean, like everything every possible way. And that's
it, the fashion trends, the contouring, that celebrities, and that's all you're looking at every single day, that's gonna have an effect on you, that's gonna start to make you focus on those things. And then that that will that will become the most important thing to you. So look at how healthier food is. And again, I right now I'm not actually talking about writing. I'm not talking necessarily about film here. Yes, these are clearly how to look at, like someone who's next to naked. Because look at right, there's a reason why a lot tells us to lower our gaze, because lowering the gates protects the heart. That's how it works. So there's a reason we're not supposed
to look at these things. And somehow people think that it is behind the screen, it's a little bit more, okay.
If there's a screen there, or there's no screen there, it's still not you're not allowed to look at it. And looking at it will cause the same damage to your heart as if the person was in real life. Right. So this is this is protecting the heart. So think every time
Have you looked at something how long you're drinking poison? Every time you listen to something how you're you're, you're pouring poison into your heart. So what it's about? So there's these things that are completely wrong, obviously to look at. But then there's like this, this middle gray area. Isn't every fashion trend? Oh, maybe not maybe, in fact, maybe.
Right, the fully dressed. I'm making another point here. Please understand it's a deep point. And that is, is fashion all that matters? That's the question. It's not about whether it's how we're headed to follow these things, or to care about these things. That's fine. But the problem is when that becomes your focal point. The problem is when that becomes your greatest concern is how you look and how you dress and what's in fashion and what is it and how to tie your project and how to do your conference. And that's it. And what the celebrities doing well that celebrities doing, right? Like, like, like we're supposed to care that they're eating a burger or whatever, or that
anyone cares that you're eating a burger, right? There's a new world that we live in. And that's like, it's like how to eat something else taking a picture of it first and hosting it is weird, weird habits weird things. I'm asking you to take a step back. And and to realize is this what matters? Right? Right now I'm not even talking about how to follow like burgers like very spacey. Right? But is it useful? Is it is it useful, and put more healthy food in your fridge, like to stock up your fridge with healthy food, right, because you already eat. So whatever's in your fridge is what you're going to eat. whatever's on your news feed whoever you follow, whoever you keep, as your
closest friend, whoever you're around, is going to be called is going to be what you become, is going to be what you consider most important. So fill it with more healthy food right now because now we bring in organic raw food, right? more healthy people to follow more healthy pages, because you have every kind of theme on social media, you have every option you choose. Download I'm talking about. And by the way, let me just tell you a secret about Facebook. There's this thing called unfollow
and no one has to know and please use it. I'm serious. I'm serious, use it.
Remember that your your your newsfeed
and you're gonna read that a so so make it more healthy, make it something that's going to enrich you follow people that are going to make you learn something that can inspire you that can teach you so use social media to become to develop yourself rather than to sit poison that instead of saying Okay, so what I'm going to do is I'm going to just wrap up and then give you time to ask questions inshallah. And then we have books available at the end. But just to reiterate, I'm just going to just sort of bring it all together full circle. inshallah. First is the importance of having solid roots having a solid connection with Allah. This is the prophetic way. This is the prophetic
methodology of how to train and the training of another human being and ourselves is to have solid roots in the relationship with Allah subhanaw taala. There's a very powerful analogy given by Abraham Maslow where he said that a believer in his path to almost kind of guy that is like a bird. And the head of the bird is the love of Oban, seagull lovable was our driving force, if you cut off the head of a bird instead, right? So the head has to be the global lesson. That's the driving force of a believer in their path to a lesson.
Then he says that one wing of the bird is hope.
And one wing of the bird is fear. So you have the hand, which is love, that's the driving force. And then you have one wing, which is hope, this is Rajat are like hoping almost kind of data that you have hope that Allah Subhana Allah will forgive you, you have hope that you will go to Japan, you have hope that even when you mess up, you keep going. That's extremely important. Because one of the tactics I'll shake on is the spear. shavon will tell you every time you mess up, every time you slip, he'll say just say that. Right? There's no point. There's no point in crane. You're a hypocrite. You committed the sin. There's no point in going to the messy look at the things you're
doing outside. But that's a trick because a lot wants you to go to him. Even when you mess up. And especially when you mess up. Especially when you mess up. We'll get
we'll get into
story. Why is the story because it's a lesson. What did he do? He ate from the tree wasn't supposed to. Right? Y'all learn the story when you were like three, right? He ate from the tree wasn't supposed to. But then what did he do?
He asked for forgiveness in the homeland.
He humbled Himself. He said, we've wronged ourselves. He didn't even blink shake off, which is very interesting, right? He said, we've wronged ourselves to taking responsibility, which is like the first step. And he's humbling himself. And he is asking for forgiveness. He's not despair. He's not losing hope. He's saying we've wronged ourselves.
And if you don't forgive us and have mercy on us, we'll be among the losers.
mess up. What did he do?
before that, what did he do? He refused to bow. Right. He was full to make a sense that and he refused. He was arrogant and he refused. But let me ask you this question. Has anyone in their entire life ever missed?
Like ever, ever? Okay.
All right. How many sentences already?
Yeah. Okay. So let me let me ask you this question. Who's worse?
Now you didn't care? Who's worse? When someone who misses one says that was someone who misses for?
Worse, right? So how come we're all going to hell? Hopefully.
We're not prideful, but there's something else.
Exactly. We asked for forgiveness. If it's not, look, look, no one's perfect. No one's perfect. And ally knows this is not a mistake. Ally knows that he created angels who are perfect. And you created humans and Jade who are not, he says, and he knows that this is part of the design. This idea says that all the children of Adam are going to commit sins. And the best of them are who are not the ones that don't commit sin, the ones are, who repent, you understand. So the difference between us and shikon inshallah is that we repent, we don't give up and we repent and we keep going. And if you look at the, when you look at the story of Adam, next to the story of shavon, you see that one of
them did each one of them was commanded not to eat from the tree and apron, one of them was commanded to bow and didn't bow. But their endings were very different.
Their endings were very different. One became cursive, became like the most cursive till the end of time. And when became a prophet
as I said, humbled himself, he didn't lose hope, and he repented. And it leaves. On the other hand, his reaction was to blame along.
He blamed the law, and he became more and more rebellious, instead of humbling himself and instead of repenting, you know what I was wrong, forgive me. He didn't do that. He blamed the law. So he didn't take responsibility, and he rebelled more against. Okay, since you kick me out, I'm going to try to take as many people will be to help. Give me time. That's all he asked for. He said, Give me time, why does he want time? time so he can take as many of us with him as possible.
So this is the difference. So not losing hope, not falling into that trap, and making sure that we are oxygenated spiritually, and that our environment is healthy and equally how that was supposed
out, is I'm going to take questions. So the first question is, what is your book about and what being inspired to write it?
Okay, so my book, I have two books. One is called reclaim your heart and when it's called love and happiness, and what inspired me to write right, both of these books was my own journey, actually. So all of us together in the same journey, right? We are all in Goodyear trying to get away to a loss role in the same place, ultimately, is with a loss. And in that journey, we go through stuff, right, we go through pain of loss, we go through happiness to go through, you know, all these various experiences. And as I went through these experiences,
I learned a lot of things. And I wrote about it. And so what I tried to do is share what I went through experiences on it right or not like writing or something that I don't like, didn't experience but like, I'm talking about things that I've experienced in order. And my goal, my hope, is to help others. Because I hope to try to help other people get out of dark places, and to try to help other people not maybe have to go through the same stuff that I went through, and fight because there's a lot of stuff that I write in these books I read a long time ago, because I mean, you know, everything's meant to be, but there's, there's things that are avoidable, if you just if you know
what, what it is that you're doing wrong, but a lot of people don't know what they're doing wrong. And they continue to go through the same cycles of disappointment and pain and mistakes. So it's really, really important that we understand how to avoid these things. So essentially, reclaiming Your heart is about, you know, getting through this life, without allowing it to own you, and how we get through loss and how to get through, you know, how do we how to not only last but also gifts, because see almost kind of tests us with both good and bad, right? A lot of tests us with difficulties, but also test this by giving us the things that we love. So how to pass both tests.
And that's a very, very important concept. Often people think tests only come through lots of tests, tests only come from, you know, the person who's been given money is also being tested. The person who's being given power is also tested, right? or fame or any of these things that people want. It's also a test, and then look and happiness is also
you know, I actually let me go ahead and just read that intro really quick.
Things Fall Apart, and they break sometimes, like many of you, my journey hasn't always been easy. Pain is very real and solace loss. Sometimes it's hard not to let the weight of what we carry, or the memory of what we've lost take over. Many of us know the reality of struggle, and so many people suffer in silence. It is hard. It is hard not to give up when we face the repeated disappointments of life. Like some of you, I have known loneliness, I have known defeat. And I have fallen many times chasing mirages and broken many bones, building castles in life, speeding sounds, sometimes all it took was one solid wave to destroy what I had spent years building. So I decided to give it a
voice all of it, the tears, the pain, and the lessons, the things which I saw and learned and gained along my life path needed a voice. I wanted to give back in hopes of helping myself and others survive. But then it wasn't only about surviving, I didn't only want people to survive inside their storms. I wanted people to thrive inside their stores. And so I wrote as I walked through my own, the words found in this book became my voice and my letter to the world. They became my deepest attempt to not just pick myself up, but others along the way. I wrote because just as we will fall in life, so will be rise. That's the thing about this world. They never gives us only one kind of
path. There is pain, yes. And loss, and even darkness. But there's also light, there is hope. There is beauty. And there's also love and happiness.
Okay, um, so I got a really deep question here. And we're gonna try to answer that one. The question was,
so versatile. It allows the Most Merciful Why does he place burdens and tragedies on us to suffer such as losing a loved one? Very deep question. I actually have an entire class about that question called in another class called silver lining.
And it's a very big question, which you can't really answer in three minutes. But I'm
trying to think when what's the nearest class, I'm happy I'm really into Detroit and Charlotte Dearborn. So let's look up that date let you know, but it surely will be coming to Dearborn so I encourage you to come inshallah, but to answer that question as briefly as I can. The profit side
seller told us a very profound Friday. I keep on the movement on Roku say that the matter of a believer is strange. Because everything is good for a believer. That sounds really strange. But the reality is that no matter what happens to a believer is ultimately good for them, even pain and even tragedy.
And you might ask, Well, why? And the answer is like, I'll answer that question by asking you a question. Have you ever seen a child having to get shots?
This is not fun, right? I hate that part of parenting, right? Giving your child shots. When you have to do when you get a child shots. That's it inflict pain, right? is pain.
Why? Why are you giving them that shot? Once inside of that meal? The answer is some sort of medicine, you know whether or not you believe in vaccines, even if they're getting medicine from that shot, it's for them. It's to strengthen them. You understand, even though it involves some amount of pain, but ultimately it's for their own good. And this is how a lot of Carolina is like a law is higher than an analogy because it was more merciful than a mother is their child. I hate hurting my child with a with a prick of a needle whenever Hola. See, my mercy can't compare to Allah's mercy. Allah does not want to give us pain alone wants to give us strength. And there's a
completely different way of seeing
questions that come in.
Okay, so someone said here that, um, can you tell them few words that speak to the issues they face? So someone's asking about specifically the young men? Because I spoke about I gave an example.
Specific struggles that are facing up and I'm sure I'll try. I think one of the most important thing I did actually touch upon that I will reiterate, and that is the Guardian guys. I cannot emphasize enough how much poison is out there. How much poison we are ingesting every single day by not guarding our eyes, when we look at something that we're not supposed to look at. It is not harmless. It is like you're drinking poison and is affecting your heart. And so the best advice that I can give you living as a as a guy, living in this society as a girl, especially as a guy is the advice of a lot. This isn't just a heady This isn't
lowering the gaze, guarding your eyes. Remember that your eyes are you opening to heart. And once you remember that your eyes are opening to your heart, whatever you're taking in through your eyes is going directly to your heart and improves. And so the best advice is the advice of a lawyer or creator, lower your gaze, guard your eyes, don't let poison go into your eyes, because it will go straight to your heart. And that's the best advice I can give because there's many other issues. But the core issue. The core issue right now, I think is this bombardment with a lakish, right? Like everywhere, we just shamelessness everywhere. It's just me become de sensitized to it, by the way,
right? We don't even react anymore. When we see these magazine covers with literally naked people. It's just like, it doesn't affect us anymore. We're still used to it, right? We see it all the time on social media, we're used to it, but we shouldn't be used to it. It shouldn't be something that we become. That means our heart is is becoming numb. It's becoming deadened. And so the best thing that you can do is to repent and to guard your eyes. And when you guard your eyes,
that will give you better than that which you are turning away from stand alone can do better than that which are turning away from for the sake. So that's the best advice I can give for further guidance living in this type of society.
And of course the sisters as well.
So as young adults, how can we better serve the youth and provide them the tools that they need to face the same challenges that we struggle to? Again, I think it's by creating that foundation and that foundation is annoying, a lot of loving a lot and just being there for your child to use. The best advice about parenting is that the first seven years should be about you know, love that showing unconditional love to your child. The second
Second years are going to be teaching them right and wrong. And then the third set of seven years is about being upfront. So in a sense of being a friend, it doesn't mean you don't direct them. But this becomes sort of the focal point of your relationship is that your, your, your child, once they get a little bit older, feels comfortable sharing with you, those comfortable coming to you. And in order to do that, you have to not bite their head off to somebody say something wrong, but that you try to direct them in a way that they can continue to come to you. But of course, your job is still to direct them, right? You can't just be their friend in the sense of like, they're, they're running
off a cliff and you're like, see, you have fun, right? Can't do that either. Because it's not a very good friend.
Friend, friend sees another friend driving towards a cliff and just says, you know, have fun. That's not a very good friend. So obviously, you have to also direct your child, but just kind of trying to be more approachable, and more empathetic.
Okay, I'm talking about the failure of teaching our children about the love of God, because we teach them unhealthy fear of God. So if you're right, because we should fear about but in a healthy way, by the way, let me just give you like a litmus test. How do you know if it's healthy fear or unhealthy fear? There's a very simple way of knowing, does it bring you closer to Allah to take you away?
So if you feel really ashamed of something that you've done, is it making you go closer to Allah and repent? Or is it making you go away and avoid? You see, if it's making you get closer to Allah and repent, it's healthy. That's the healthy kind of remorse that we're supposed to have in the sin. I'm not telling you not to have a worse. I mean, there's healthier more than we should have rewards when we said, like, is it healthy remorse that's bringing you closer to Allah and, and motivating you to repent and to fix yourself? Or is it de motivating is it making you lose hope is it making you go further from Allah, and if it is, if it is making me go away from Allah is not healthy, I will
not promote. Anything that brings you away from a lot is not healthy, and it is from the shaper. So it might come in the guise of shame, or fear or regret. But if it is making you leave, or go distance yourself from a wall, and to give up on your worship, and to lead into this, this yourself from the master, and to distance yourself from the people of vision and to leave the company that is not healthy. Right? And there's lots of tricks that shikon will use to get you away from the master can get you away from a good crowd on assumptions mental, right? They're so judgmental. So when we go with this crowd are judgmental, right? There's a lot of truth, just be conscious of that. So we
ask yourself, Is it bringing you closer to law or taking away? So the question is, how do we begin to change this approach? And then we just have to go back to the foundations, the prophetic model of building that bond with Allah
is very hard for me to stop falling under peer pressure. Thank you for being honest.
I have tried to get closer to a well, but it is hard. What do you suggest? I completely understand. I grew up in this country, and I went to public school my entire life. I'm a big proponent of the semi school. However, in my community, there was no Sunday school, it wasn't an option. So I understand what this is like. But what I would say to you is, it's about holding tight to the salon. Honestly, it's about holding tight. So the more that you protect yourself, by holding tight to the salon and to the remembrance of Allah, if you can incorporate these doors and make them a habit in the morning, the evening before you sleep, then you will become you know, that's like, it's like
putting on an armor. You know that you put on an armor. Even if you're in the middle of a battlefield and you're wearing an armor, you're protected. Right? I understand schools like without shields. I understand the world and the media and everything around us and the peer pressure. It's like a battlefield. But that's why you have to wear your armor. If you're not praying, and you're not remembering a lot and you're not reading your head and you're not going to Helga and you don't have good friends. It's like going into a battlefield with no armor.
What happens? You killed you get killed, you get knocked down. There's no such thing.
prize. There's no mystery in why that happens. So putting reading, reading Gleaners, for love being consistent in your soul, and by the way, I know that over time is during school, sometimes also, when
I'm telling you, you need to go to your principal or an ideal place to upgrade, you have to do that. Because the same way you would never say I'm at school, so all three when I get home,
it's not gonna work, right. So you have to make sure that you're asking for accommodations to pray. And it is your right by the way, you can create your lunch or you can create a brain or whatever it is, but ask for accommodation, ask for a room. And the amazing thing about doing that is that you're now setting a precedence for other students who come after other Muslim students who will come after you in school. Because now there's a place for prayer. And so it's a very, very, very profound reward for dinner. Okay, so make sure that you're praying even when you're at school, and you're not missing your time slot. Remember, you would never put off breathing just for school, right? Anyone?
Anyone do that?
Because I have to focus on my class. No, okay, good. Um, so, so yeah. So So law school, make sure you're doing that and,
and having that foundation is a good, and
I can't emphasize enough how powerful they are. As much as you can incorporate them. They're easy to memorize. But if even if you have your app, you can read them off there.
Okay, I think I will.
Close it. I think they're
okay, as young people were around peers that aren't listening, how do we keep our values when people around us don't value? what we believe the question, here's what I have to say to you. Be very, very mindful who you take as your closest competitor, I cannot emphasize that enough. I understand what school you go to work with non Muslims. But there's a difference between going to school someone working with someone and taking them as their best friend. You see, because the Heidi says
that Heidi says
that you are going to take the religion or the way D and by the way, isn't just religion is any way a way of life. So you're going to take the way of life of your family, which is your closest deep, like it's a, it's a very close friend. It's your BFF. Okay, it's your closest friends. So be careful who you take as your closest friend. It should be someone who reminds you of someone who isn't make fun of you that you're going to pray or isn't going to encourage you not to wear hijab, or to take it off, that's not a COVID friend, or someone who, who's who's who drinks or who you know, who has certain types of relationships with the opposite gender, that's not going to be a good thing.
Because the problem with having that as your as it is, you become like them. And that's just absolute prophetic advice. Because it's human nature, you become like the person closest to you. This is also like, very important, you're very careful who you marry. Because you become like them. And you become similar. If you marry a person who doesn't feel love, or the very person who doesn't pray is very, very dangerous, because you will become influenced by that. She has to be very careful, the tickets are closest, it's one thing again, to have non Muslims in your class or at work, but it's another to take them as your best friends. And when they're doing things which are
completely against, you know, drinking or dating or drugs.
It's very dangerous to you. And what I would say to you is this, if you have a choice between drinking poison, or drinking nothing, which was better.
No, no, no.
choice between in a moment, like say you have two choices, right? I say, Hey, I have some poison for you. Or you can refrain from drinking anything. Which one's better? Obviously, the frame right. So what's the point? Your point is, it's better to have no friends than friends. Yes. Don't say even if you have to be alone.
It's better to have no friends for a time. It's not gonna last forever and it lasts forever. Even if it's for a limited amount of time.
Even being alone is better than being with that company. Because it's the difference between drinking poison and drinking nothing.
And let me tell you this, let me tell you another secret. Door is powerful. Okay, door is powerful. Our good friends asked us Allah. If you have no good around you. Go on your own and ask Allah to send you a friend. He will. But don't say well, I got no other choice.
because it will kill you. And
in the end, it says that the people in Hellfire you know, you know what they're gonna say, there's a couple things that they say, but one of them is I wish I had not taken so and so as a friend.
Why? Because he was like me, he took me to the wrong path. This is an actual direct quote from the people of hellfire. That's what they're gonna regret. They're gonna say, I wish I didn't take this one as a friend, because this one led me astray. It's the people around us, sometimes that leads us astray. So they're gonna regret that. So it's better to be alone for a time than to be with someone who leads you to help.
make the offer and make the offer a good spouse. And a lot of years ago was another thing that that people callfire was saying is I was not among those who prayed.
So when they're asked medicine,
they're asked what made you enter Hellfire? And they'll say we were not the first thing they say we're not among those who prayed.
So you see the theme here? Do you understand?
So I think what happens is a lot of times is that we automatically label people who are Muslim, as bad friends and people who are Muslim was good friends. So how can we make that distinguishing?
Like, how can we call the difference? Okay, good question. So I'll repeat it. Sometimes we just automatically label anyone who's not a bad friend, and anyone who is Muslim as a friend. You're right. That's not necessarily the case. First of all, everyone who's Muslim isn't necessarily a good friend. Because you can have a Muslim who drinks and does drugs and dates, and who is a terrible, or marks of someone who prays is terrible influence. So absolutely, it's not just because they're Muslim. They're different. When I'm talking about a good friend, I'm talking about someone who reminds you of Allah, someone who helps you to do what's right, someone who encourages you to pray,
someone prays with you, right? Someone who you grew up with, not, not just because it was talking about non Muslims, you're right. Not just because you have an awesome friend doesn't mean that they're, you know, drinking and dating and taking drugs. And I'm not saying that. But you have to also be careful, because the essence of the belief is different, right? Even if they're not doing those things, and maybe they're not encouraging. But the essence of the belief isn't there. And so they're also not encouraging you to get closer to love. Right? Even if they're not, even if they're not, like telling you to go coffee with them, but they're also not helping you to get closer to
them. So what I'm saying is, if you want to Jenna, you want to do your best to have as much support as possible, right? So you want to be around the people who are going to support you the most indebted to China.
I want you to tell that because that's what I tell my kids, that you don't have to memorize the certain laws like if you can, like it's a language barrier or something, learn to talk
to him to help you Yes, to deal with the song. Perfect. Thank you for saying that's a great way to end. She's absolutely right. You don't have a lot. You don't have to talk to a lot in any specific language. A lot understands everything. Even if you don't open your mouth a lot understands the God in your heart. You can talk to any language but she's absolutely right. Get in the habit of speaking to a lot. You can't be called friends. Unless you have a conversation with a law that you go to a law for help. That you know when you're suffering when you're in pain when you don't know what to do and you make go out so it is our honor to end with these with this advice of the prophesies. I love
the promises. And Dora
is the head of worship is the brain of worship. And another Friday at Dora.
Dora is worship. The essence of worship is in that relationship with the loss of communicating with him in any language. Okay, Allah
Today we have a few