Yasir Qadhi – Towards A Blissful Marriage #01

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			If I can ask all the brothers to move forward, we don't want people sitting in the box if you have
any space inshallah, please help yourselves to the front as much as possible.
		

			And hamdulillah All praise is due to Allah Subhana huzzah Allah, Who created everything in pairs. He
is the rock of the world, and the master of all of our affairs. He demonstrated his power through
the perfection of creation, and He manifested his knowledge through the reality of predestination.
He created death and life as a trial for us all under test and to separate the pious from the wicked
and to select the best. So it's about Allah, the one to whom belongs all power and majesty. And may
Salah 10 Salah be upon Mohammed de McKee under Hashimi as to what follows. Allah subhana wa tada
reminds us to be conscious of him when he says in the Quran, yeah, you have Latina, Manu tupple la
		

			haka to RT y La Tomatina Illa unto Muslim moon. Do Muslims have the greatest blessings and gifts
that Allah Subhana Allah has given to all of mankind, the Muslim of them and the non Muslim of them,
have the greatest blessings is not a family and inshallah to Allah today and a series of future
hobas we will be talking about the family and the blessings of the family and how to have a blessed
family in light of the Koran and of the sooner so today will be the first in a series of buzz about
this topic. And today in sha Allah to Allah in particular, we will begin with the blessings of the
spouse. Now much has been spoken about when it comes to the rights of the spouse or COPPA so Jane,
		

			but I hope inshallah tada in this series to go beyond just the legal and the technical terminologies
and to think of the spirit of marriage and to think about how the Quran and the Sunnah and our human
experiences tell us to live a better life. And let us begin from the very beginning. Let us begin
from the story of the big
		

			of the creation, because even in that story, there are lessons for marriage. How beautiful is it
dear Muslims, that when Allah created the first human being, he didn't leave him single. When Allah
created our father Adam, as soon as our father Adam was created from Adam, our father was blessed
with a spouse and our Mother, how one was gifted to Adam, even before the two of them were told to
enter Jannah even before Allah told Adam to enter Jannah Allah had created a spouse for Adam. Then
Allah said, Yeah, Adam, who skoon untar was ojochal Jana. Oh, Adam, you and your wife, the two of
you live together in Jana. It is as if even Jana is not Jenna, without your other half. The two of
		

			you together live in Jannah. And Allah subhanho wa Taala showed us in the creation story, that our
spouses are from us and within us, Allah zoa just did not create the creation from a new Adam was
created from a new Adam was created from clay, how work could have been created from plate how work
could have been fashioned as well. But to demonstrate the fact that men and women borrowed will come
in bout as the Quran says, to demonstrate that the man is from the woman and the woman is from the
man. Because if Allah had wanted to, he could have fashioned how work like you fashioned Adam, but
no, to demonstrate that the two of them are from and to each other. Allah created Hawa from Adam,
		

			which either minha xojo ha, and from him he created the spouse. And Allah subhana wa Taala mentions
in the Quran as well, that how was an Adam living in Geneva for a period of time, then what happened
happened, and the two of them came down to this earth together, put in a beautiful minha. Jimmy, the
both of you come down together. So Subhanallah brothers and sisters think about this story, which is
the first marriage in all of the creation because it is the marriage of our mother and our father,
Adam and how we think about their lives. We do not have stories of their time on Earth. But I want
you after the hood was over when you're alone by yourself, I want you to imagine and visualize to
		

			human beings with no companionship other themselves, without knowing any aspect of technology, not
having even the knowledge of how to light a fire, not having knowledge of how to harvest seeds and
plants. Think of those two human beings once upon a time they were in Jannah eating and drinking and
enjoying Jenna, then instantaneously they are on this earth struggling and toiling. They don't even
know how to build a shelter. They don't even have anything other than the clothes Allah xojo sent
them down upon. But you see, Allah knew that the two of them would be on Earth. So it is as if Allah
subhana wa tada prepared for the difficult times ahead, that the two of them had each other. They
		

			had no other human being. They had no knowledge of how to live on this earth. They were the first
human beings but Allah subhana wa tada created them for each other. Can you imagine the difficult
times they would have lived in Can you imagine every single day and our struggling were to eat how
to survive after having been in Jannah but Allah azza wa jal wanted to show mercy to our father
Adam, he didn't leave him alone. And that story of the very first marriage It is as if it is a
microcosm of all marriages. It is as if Allah subhanho wa Taala is showing us Divine Wisdom they
were created together, they worship the Lord in genda. Together they brought down on earth together,
		

			they repented together, they lived the most beautiful days together and they lived the most
difficult days together. It is as if Allah is saying through the thick and through the thin through
the through the difficult and through the easy through the ups and through the downs. It is the
spouses that comfort one another. This is the wisdom This is the goal of why Allah subhanho wa Taala
created us in pairs. We all understand that if Allah had wanted to, we wouldn't be in these pairs.
We all understand that this is of the Divine gifts that the Quran explicitly mentions multiple
times. The Quran asks us to think about the fact that he created us in male and female Holocaust so
		

			Jane is the karawal own. He created you in tuzo. Jane in two pairs, the male and the female This is
of the heart of a lot of the miracles of Allah is suited to a room diverse that is recited in every
single marriage whatever. Every time somebody gets married, the hottie recites this verse because it
is related to marriage, but it is a verse that allows us to think and to reflect woman iottie he on
Hanukkah calm mean unfussy calm as larger and of the signs of a law.
		

			of the miracles of Allah. Allah calls marriage of his miracles. Think about that. Do you know what
an ayah is? Allah calls the Quran and if Allah calls the camel that was sent to the people of Saudi
Arabia, this is a miracle when you look at it, you are astounded at the magnificence of Allah,
that's an idea to look at an IRA is astonishing. an IRA demonstrates the power of Allah, the mercy
of Allah, the qudra of Allah, that's what an IRA is. And Allah says, and of his IRA, is the miracle
of marriage. Think about that. Think about that. We take it for granted because obviously, we all
are in a world of marriages were born from a marriage were married. This is how we live but alive
		

			saying just like the sun, just like the moon don't take it for granted. These are a yacht so to
marriage is an iron woman IRT he and honey comb mean unphysical as wotja of his miraculous signs is
that he created for you. Allah doesn't benefit if we're in two genders or one doesn't matter to
Allah. But Allah wanted to benefit us. Allah wanted to make things easy for us. hollowcore lecan it
is a gift to you. This is for us that Allah created us in male and female Allah created us husbands
and wives Hello, Carla. Calm it's a gift to you to make things easy for you. Hello, Carla comb Minh
and fusi come from you. And we spoke about this before from you. We are not alien species. Hawaii
		

			was not created separate. No. created for you from you. created for you from you. Haleakala calm,
Minh and fusi calm and of course the reality here is to demonstrate as the Quran says bow bow bow,
the both of you are from the both of you. Men are for men and women and women are for men and women.
We are not alien species, we are the same. And yet we are complimentary color, color common and
physical. As larger, the terms old By the way, it literally means pair in the Arabic language the
term xojo it means pair it is as if the two are meant to be together. You talk about a pair of shoes
you talk about a pair of something literally it's as if the husband and wife were intended to be
		

			together. That's what zoji means. So Allah says Hola, hola, como Min unphysical as word and then he
tells us why. What is the wisdom. Lita school new la ha, the word second in the Arabic language
primarily the first thing that comes to mind of our our brothers is a house. Second is a house. And
Allah uses the term here for marriage. Because your marriage is your house. Your marriage is your
house. If you build your marriage, you have built your house. And if you have destroyed your
marriage, you have destroyed your house. The term second literally means the house that you live in.
And Allah subhana wa tada says, Lita, schooner, la ha, the same route from building a house is used
		

			for a marriage because this is the essence of marriage far more important than your physical second,
far more important than the building and the mortar and the bricks of your house is the love inside
the house. You can have a house built on marriage of love, even if you don't have a physical house.
Adam and Hawa did not have a house for Allah knows how long they didn't even know how to build a
house argument how Why did not have a house but they had a second of marriage. Yet there are those
who have magnificent palaces, but they do not have second inside they do not have households built
upon love and upon marriage. Lita, schooner, la hub, also one of the meanings of second as well and
		

			sukoon as we're all aware of his Sakina tranquility, one of the meanings of second is peace. Lita,
schooner, la Ha. So, ponder over this point to your brothers and sisters, we are being told it is as
if the world is a very difficult place. It is as if the world is full of problems, stress, grief,
anxiety, and then we have a spouse and in that spouse, we will find comfort, we will find peace, we
will find tranquility later school era, the world gives you a lot of problems. But when you have a
loving spouse, when you have a spouse that cares about you and you care about him or her when your
marriage is solid, then inshallah with the other the problems of this world are manageable. But when
		

			your second is being destroyed, when your marriage is crumbling, when you don't have happiness
inside the house, then as we all know, all of the happiness outside the house will not make you
happy. That's what Allah is saying. Lita, schooner, la ha your real Sakina will be found in your
spouse. The real happiness is the happiness of marriage and family. If you have a blessed family, a
blessed marriage, then inshallah finances everything else. They come and go, but you will live a
good life. But if you have all the money in the world, but your marriage is crumbling, your children
are not happy with you. Well then of what uses all of that. This is what Allah is saying of the
		

			wisdoms of marriage of the wisdoms of having
		

			spouse, Lita, schooner, la ha, to find comfort to find happiness to find peace and tranquility
within your spouse and this is something you need to find you need to put in the effort. It doesn't
it's not already there, you have to work on your marriages and inshallah in the future foodbuzz
we'll be talking a little bit about how to work on those marriages. Lita, schooner, la Ha. And then
Allah zo just says something amazing. We've heard this verse all the time, brothers and sisters, but
look at this knocked out look at this interesting point here, what you're either vain or come my way
and Rama and he has placed between you love and tenderness. Notice here. Allah ascribes love to
		

			himself. And Allah says he is the one that has blessed you to have that love. Literally Allah takes
ownership of the love of the marriage. And Allah says, I am the one that has made that love in your
hearts. Notice this is the shut off. This is the dignity that Allah gives to that love. This is not
to love to be embarrassed about this is not to love to hide. This love is a divine gift from Allah.
This love is a divine blessing that Allah puts in the quarter on what you're either been a coma what
that and what Allah has placed love between you and Allah has placed tenderness, mawa and Rama, my
word dump is a love that is overpowering. And Rama, as we know is tenderness and mercy. The both are
		

			in the spouse, the both are in the good spouse, the righteous spouse, and that blessing is ascribed
to Allah subhanho wa Taala. You know, this emotion of love, well, law he the world knows this
emotion of love, of what, of what what is the goal of poetry, except love? What is the goal of all
of these movies except this love? What is the goal of all of these romance novels accept love, that
feeling of love is something that all of us cherish all of us, we understand it. And Allah says,
when it occurs within a marriage, it is my gift to you, it is my gift unto you which are either been
come my way, and what my brothers and sisters a gift that is from Allah, should we not cherish it?
		

			Should we not protect it? Should we not work to sustain it? Allah is saying this is my gift to you.
Whether what does that mean to us? It means we need to thank Allah for it we need to cherish and
make sure that that gift is not taken away when you're either being a commodity and Warhammer
Subhana Allah we are all see this reality. As I said, it's a human reality. That's why the poet's
write their poetry and the script writers wrote to write their movies we all know this reality, that
powerful feeling of love to strangers come together. They have not been raised together there are
not biologically related and yet their love is the most powerful love the most tender love. It is
		

			that love that is the love that everybody knows and cherishes. And Allah says you know that miracle,
I gave it unto you only when it occurs within a marriage the way that it should it is a gift from
Allah, if it is existing outside it is not that type of gift, this is the gift between husband and
wife, which are the bane of my word debt and Warhammer in Fida adekola. Tin. Allah begins, that of
his many miracles is the miracle of marriage. Then Allah says in this are many is not just one in
the miracle of marriage are many miracles, Allah azza wa jal makes marriage not just one in fee
radical I Arts in this are many signs, the omonia tuffa karoun. To those who think to those who
		

			ponder, the more you think about the miracle of husband and wife, the more you think about the
miracle of family, the more you will appreciate the blessings that Allah subhana wa tada has given
unto us now of course, brothers and sisters, with this blessing comes responsibility. And this is
where inshallah I'll be giving future hobas about this reality of responsibility. But today, I
wanted to open up the topic to mention this beautiful institution known as marriage and to
underscore that it is a divine gift that Allah subhana wa Taala has given us now as I said, brothers
and sisters, many hotels and gurus, they concentrate on the technical and the legal aspects of the
		

			rights of the husband and the rights of the wife, and that has a role. It has a place we must be
educated about the health of the church and the soldier and inshallah to Allah. There's plenty
online to tell you about the legal and field issues. But I want to mention one point, dear brothers
and sisters, especially dear husbands, no marriage is going to flourish. If you are interested in
the bare minimum legal rights that is due to the other. No marriage is going to flourish. If you're
looking at the technical definitions of the law. A marriage is based upon sacrifice and love and not
based upon the minimalistic expectations. The books of fick are not what you turn to, to how to have
		

			a happy marriage. That is one of those difficulties. What is the technical issues? Yes, that's legal
stuff. It should be done. But to have a happy marriage, you need to move beyond the minimal
requirements, you need to move beyond the rules.
		

			And to ask yourself, what can I do to make this marriage flourish. And as I said, in sha Allah,
Allah will be talking about this in our future hot button topics. But I wanted to just mention one
point before we move on in future hobas. One point, and that is dear brothers and sisters, and I'm
addressing those of you that have been married for 510 15 2050 years. I'm addressing those of you
that have been married for a number of years. And you understand that marriage has its ups and
downs, you understand that marriage does have its sweet points. But yes, it also has its negatives
as well, I speak to you, especially those of you that are struggling, those of you that might not be
		

			in the types of marriages, you think were what you imagine when you were young and single, I'm
speaking to all of you and I say, every single marriage every single marriage insha Allah to Allah,
if the two parties are sincere, it can be salvaged and saved. This is of the biggest blessings that
Allah has promised us in the Quran. Our scholars mentioned, the most optimistic verse when it comes
to marriage in the Quran, is the verse in Surah Al Baqarah. When Allah says, In Uriah is law when
you are 50 law who obey in homosassa, Nisa, and you realize law when you are 50 law, who by you know
Huma, if the two of them want to make peace, husband and wife, if the two of them want to make
		

			things work, Allah will bring about reconciliation between them. This is not just cheap slogans I
will do Billa This is a divine promise, dear husband and dear wife. It is a divine promise to all of
you. Allah has made a hard and fast rule. And when Allah makes a rule, there are no exceptions.
Allah azza wa jal has said in UD Da, da Hon, if the husband and wife want to make things work, you
will feel the love who obey no Homer, Allah will bring about tofield between them. All that is
required is sincerity. That's it. That's it, you come to the table with a sincere heart, I want to
make our marriage work. But there has to be one other condition. The other side also has to come
		

			with that condition. If the both of you have that condition, if the both of you come and you say you
know what, we're having problems. We all couples have problems, but I want to make this marriage
work and the other spouse says the same thing. Then good news, glad tidings Bashara, Allah has
guaranteed that your marriage is going to flourish. And Subhanallah there's other optimistic verses
about marriage as well. Brothers and sisters, we must have a positive attitude. Let me give you one
other optimistic verse that will lie this verse is really very profound, very mind boggling. If you
think about it. It's a technical topic and I have to introduce it a little bit. Allah Zoysia talks
		

			about the laws of divorce may be on hold but we'll talk about the laws of divorce. And Allah
mentions one of the rules of divorce, that after you give a laugh, you say the divorce when you
reconciliation fails, when the marriage process you think is over, you give it to Allah, Allah makes
a hard and fast rule. That rule is the husband and wife must live together in the same house for the
period of the a duck for three months, husband and wife are going to live under the same roof. This
is after the husband says divorce. This is after the first and second potluck for three months.
Allah says in the Quran, LA to Horatio nimbu membuka hin
		

			do not expel them from their houses, neither should they leave by the way footnote here. Notice,
Allah says to the men do not expel your wife from her house, loud to rejoin me booty hin. Allah
calls the word the house, the wife's house, even though technically generally speaking, who owns the
house in most societies and cultures who paid for the house in most societies and cultures? I'm not
talking about dual income but more generally speaking in most of human history, who purchased the
house with their money it was the husband correct yet Allah says do not expel the wife from her
house law to create your hoonah min booty hin. It is as if Allah is saying houses and just money,
		

			houses and just legal ownership. You build a life together that is her house as well don't destroy
it so easily. Allah ascribes the house to her even though ownership is his to indicate that there is
something beyond the technicalities. The point being Allah says, Do not expel them from their
houses, neither should they leave. Then notice this verse. By the way, when is this verse applicable
at the very end of the end when the marriage has one final thread then is going to snap in the
marriage is over literally one thread left block has been given three months are there then what
does Allah say? Listen to this brothers and sisters and memorize this verse, la casa de la Allah,
		

			you're ready to buy the daddy comprar Subhana Allah Subhana Allah. Allah says, How do you know last
Saturday? How do you know? Perhaps Allah azza wa jal will bring about a new affair between the two
of them or
		

			New manner that will bring them together la tierra de La La La Jolla, Dubai in Houma Umbra. Perhaps
Allah might bring the two of them back together again, at the very end of the marriage and Allah
says don't give up hope. Do not give up hope you do not know perhaps Allah will bring them back
together again, if this is a verse that is applicable when Dr. Locke has been given and the three
month rate that is in place, and the wife is about to leave, and Allah says, How do you know? Do you
know the future? Can you control the hearts of men and women? Do you know animals? If you do not
know the law, perhaps Allah will bring about a new reconciliation between them. If this is the
		

			optimism at the very end of the marriage, then your brother and sister in sha Allah, your marriage
is not that bad. inshallah your marriage is not at that stage. If we're supposed to be optimistic at
that stage, then how about when marriages have their ups and downs, arguments and love? This is the
reality of marriage. When that is the case. Then we approached with a positive attitude, we think
the best thoughts and we put our trust in Allah Subhana Allah to Allah and inshallah, as I said, in
the future, we'll be giving more specific mechanisms and advice about how we can preserve and
protect our marriages May Allah subhana wa tada bless me and you within through the Quran, and may
		

			make us of those who is versus they understand and applies halal and haram throughout our lifespan,
as scholars forgiveness who was will ask him for his the whole food and the ramen.
		

			Stuff
		

			Alhamdulillah All praise is due to Allah, the One and the unique. He it is that we worship and it is
His blessings that we seek. He is the Lord of the oppressed, and he answers the call of the week.
Dear Muslims, the reality of marriage is that every single marriage has its ups and it's downs. It's
good and it's bad. It's arguments and it's peace. It's love and yes, even it's hate. This is the
reality of marriage. And if Allah azza wa jal had wanted to create a marriage that has no
negativity, no fighting, no anger, no bickering, he would have done so in the marriage of our
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam and our mother Khadija and our mother, Aisha, he would have done
		

			that. But we learned from the serum, we learn from the books of Hadith. Frankly, we learn from the
Quran, what is sort of the horrible sudo tala go read it, we learned from the Quran, that even our
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and our mothers, there were some back and forth. Now I want to
ask you why, why, if Allah had wanted to, he could have made our Prophet sallallahu I do suppose
marriage foolproof watertight not to single argument not to single issue. Of course he could have
been if he did. So. Where would be the role model? How could we relate? How can we learn anything?
If our Profit System became an angel, if our profit system and our mothers became angelic? Where is
		

			the role model for us? So Allah azzawajal demonstrated that even the best marriage, even the most
perfect marriage, you're gonna have some beginnings and that's normal, nothing wrong with it,
nothing wrong, it is human nature. And many are the episodes of the Sierra that demonstrate this,
but to give you one simple example, which also has an element of humor to it, that inshallah we can
all benefit from it is reported in the must another method, it is reported in the Muslim remember
that once in the early days of Medina, so this is when the Prophet has an eye show where you know,
newlyweds, right? So relatively early in the Seattle, Abubakar has to do came to visit his daughter
		

			Arusha. And as he was standing outside the door, he heard issues voice, there'll be a loved one, her
raising high and rebuking the profits of the Law Center for something getting angry at something. He
heard his daughter's voice in a loud manner, argumentative, speaking against something we don't know
the details we don't need to know. But you know, happens between husband and wife. He knocked on the
door, and the process allowed him in and after saying Salaam he immediately rushed to his daughter
Ayesha, this is his daughter. And he says, Yeah, I've been told Miro man or daughter of old middle
man, how dare you raise your voice against the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam. By the way. When
		

			the father is angry, he calls the children, the mothers children.
		

			And when the mother is angry, he calls the children, the father's children. To my 18 year
		

			old Parker says, You have been told Miro man or daughter of only rumen and I she has been Debbie
Bucher, but now he's not happier Ayesha. So he says this is from your mother. This is not from my
site. So he says, oh, Binta O'Meara man, how dare you raise your voice against the voice of the
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam Subhana Allah, we as husbands, do you not think if the process
of what
		

			too, he could have silenced. Do you not think if Allah had one to do he would have revealed to the
wise of the process and do not raise your voices. But that would be unreal. It would be unrealistic.
It would be ungentlemanly. Our Prophet system is sitting quiet. And our issue is getting irritated
for a natural reason. It's human nature, nothing wrong with it. She is asking or whatever it might
be. We don't know the details. But Abubakar as a man cannot bear to see anybody raised his voice
against the voice of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. What is allowed for the women folk, it is not
allowed for the men for no men who would dare raise their voices. But this is our mother, this is
		

			the wife of the prophet SAW a setup and she is saying what she is saying, and so in his anger of
wovoka rhodiola, when he kind of lost his temper, and it is as if perhaps he raised his hand maybe
to you know, discipline and again, in that culture, the father would discipline the daughter and the
husband would not this is the way it was. So he raised his hand Subhana Allah, we learn in the
Hadith, as soon as he raised his hand, the prophet system stood up and came between abubaker and
audacia Subhan Allah, you're not going to hit my wife Subhana Allah, He came between Abu Bakar and I
should have the Allahu Allah to protect our Isha right after I show was rebuking him. Think about
		

			the scene. Now the hand is raised the process who there what's going to happen? Obviously, Obama's
hand goes down. He feels embarrassed. He excuses himself and he walks away to calm down. And the
profitsystem now turns to Arusha. And notice here he is breaking the ice. He is now diffusing the
tension. After all of this anger that has happened, he's diffusing the tension. This is the clock of
the process of he says, Don't you see how I defended you against that man? Don't you see how I
defended you against that man, meaning after all that you've done, I'm still gonna defend you. And
they began talking back and forth until I woke it up. So do calm down. He came back again. He
		

			knocked on the door he entered in and the two of them were laughing and smiling to the hacker they
were laughing and smiling back to normal. And then he says apologizing Yasuda law, yada Sula, law,
allow me to enter into your times of peace as I entered in doing your times of war together Subhan
Allah, allow me to now participate during your times of peace feasts in mikuma, as I participated,
when the two of you are battling one another, so our Prophet system smiled and said, Yes, indeed,
we'll let you come in yesterday, we'll let you come in. This was his excuse an apology. My point
being dear brothers and sisters in these anecdotes in these incidents, this is what the humanity of
		

			our professors enemies, this is what we learn role models. Yes, every once in a while a husband and
wife might get irritated might raise their voice, it is the reality of being human. But the goal is
not that you have a marriage in which there's no fighting, no raising of the voice, no anger. No,
that's impossible. The goal is that that is the exception. And the rule is that they're laughing
together. The rule is that we're protecting one another as our Prophet sallallahu. I think he was
selling him did and that is insha Allah under the goal that all of us can strive for, it is
inshallah something we'll be talking about in the future. hobas as well, dear Muslims the norm, and
		

			the goal is that your marriage brings more Sakina and more Rama and yes, there's going to be some
tension, there's going to be some downs. It is what it is. Our Prophet system had an entire month
where he slept in the masjid. We know this because of marital tensions, that is the reality of life.
But in all of his years of marriage, that only happened once only happened once. So yes, sometimes
the situation becomes tough. But the goal, the goal is that the positives far outweigh the
negatives. And the goal is that the love and the mercy is what it should be. And we ask Allah
Subhana which Allah to make all of our marriages like this Aloma in the dying for Aminu. Allah
		

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