Yasir Qadhi – The Blessings of A Righteous Spouse

			Indeed All praise is due to Allah subhanahu wa tada we praise Him and we seek His help and we seek
refuge in Allah from the evil of our souls and the consequences of our actions. Indeed whomever
Allah subhana wa tada guides, no one can miss guide and whomever Allah misguides none can guide him
back to the straight path. bear witness and I testify that there is no deity worthy of worship other
than Allah subhanahu wa tada and bear witness and I testify that Mohammed sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam is his final prophet and his most perfect worshipper as to what follows Allah Subhana which
Allah has commanded us to be conscious of him when he says in the Quran, yeah, you have Latina Manu
		

			taco la haka to potty wala Timo tuna Illa will unto Muslim moon or you who believe have Taqwa of
Allah be conscious of a law of fear Allah, as he is deserving to have adequate love, and do not die
except in a state of Islam. My dear brothers and sisters, the Quran reminds us of the miracle of the
creation around us. And one of the facets of this miracle is the fact that Allah chose to create
mankind and in fact most of the animal and plant kingdom in pairs in spouses, if Allah had wanted
to, he would not have created mankind in this fashion, and he would have created mankind to be one
gender, but Allah subhana wa tada says, That woman could only Shay in Hakuna Zhu, Janey La La, la
		

			corona from every species, we made them into two genders so that you can reflect you can ponder and
Allah subhanho wa Taala reminds us in the Quran, that woman Yachty he of his miracles when Allah
says an ayah an ayah is something that should make you reflect it should make you ponder and it
should amaze you. an ayah is a sign that is an amazement, it is a miracle. And it is something that
should make you appreciate the power the wisdom of a law woman a yachtie of the miracles of a law.
And hello Carla comb, Minh and fusi come as wotja This is a very deep verse. And it translates that
of the miracles of a law of the signs that should cause you to come closer to Allah to worship a lot
		

			to thank Allah is that he has created from you spouses. Hello Carla come in and fusi come as wotja
He has created for you from you spouses halaqaat law calm a lot didn't need to make us into two
genders. He doesn't need anything from us. Allah didn't need to make us into male and female but a
lot did so for our comfort for our sake Chanukah calm it's for you that Allah said I did this so
that life is easier for you so that you can there the hardships and the discomforts of this dunya in
a manner that is more easier. Hello, Carla calm. It's for you that I did this. What did I do? He
created for you from you.
		

			The modern psychologists that's written a very famous book has entitled that men are from Mars,
women are from Venus is one of the best selling books and he's joking that we are aliens to one
another. It's a joke. Allah is saying you are not aliens. He created each one of you from you. From
every pair, there comes men and or women. Every male has female and male ancestry. Every female has
male female ancestry. We are not aliens to one another Chanukah comb Minh and fusi calm He has
created for you from you, men and women they might be different, but they are the same species. As
Allah says in the Quran, bow lukumi and bow. Each one of you is from the other. Each one of you
		

			comes from the other every single one of us we have a male and female we have our mother and father
Hanukkah comin unfussy come He created for you from you. Why did Allah say from you so that we
understand that we are one creation? We are one species, all of us are the sons and daughters of
Adam. That's what Allah is saying. created from you for you. What did you do as wotja and as watch
doesn't just mean husband. This is a mistake of a translation as large means spouse. So Allah is
reminding the women that hey, women, your husbands are created for you from you husband's your wives
are created for you from you.
		

			You every one of us is created from the same two genders, every one of us is meant for the other and
that is why Allah says in the Koran, Bow Bow comin bow, each one of you is from the other. And Allah
says in the Quran? Well me No, no one minute, but I'll go home earlier about the believing women and
the believing men. They are protectors and helpers of one another. They are protectors and helpers
of one another men and women, husbands and wives. They're meant to be on the same team. They're not
meant to be enemies. They're meant to be helping one another. They're not meant to be competing with
one another. And this is why Allah reminds us of the miracle and the blessings of spouses of
		

			marriage of good family, and of course, our hope, but today will be one of I'll be giving multiple
series about this issue of good family and today's talk will be about overall the blessings of
having a good family and the blessings of having a good spouse and Allah azza wa jal mentions in the
Quran, one mil rahmati he of His mercy, of His mercy He has created for you spouses He has created
for you comfort from each other for the other. In fact, in one verse in a very beautiful verse,
Allah reminds us that the purpose of the spouse Allah says in the Koran, what Giada Bina komazawa
ditton wahama He is the one that has placed in your hearts, the hearts of whom husband and wife, he
		

			is the one that has placed in your hearts Mohammed de Mola de is a very interesting Noun. The out of
the Arabic language is not like English. In English we have one noun for love, love that describes
love between father and son between mother and daughter, between husband and wife between lover and
beloved between Allah and the creation is one word love. But in Arabic, there are as you mentioned,
more than 10 nouns for love more than 10 different nouns and of these nouns is MOA de MOA de is a
love that is a tender love, a love full of gentleness, a love, full of compassion. And notice, Allah
uses this love, he doesn't choose the love that Hollywood and Bollywood likes to talk about. That's
		

			called the dish. And that's romantic love. That's not the main love, it is good to have, it's
important to have. But this issue is a temporary phase is the honeymoon phase, the real love that
develops between spouses, the love that develops after 10 2030 years, that is more and more what is
a love, where you care about the other person, the love, where you will sacrifice your happiness for
the happiness of the other. That is what Melinda is. And Allah is saying, Where did that come from?
Who put it in the hearts and Subhanallah it's something so amazing. You do not generally speaking,
know your spouse growing up, you do not know who that person is, you have no idea you meet them,
		

			maybe in your mid 20s. And then the marriage takes place. And then Subhanallah within a few years,
maybe even within a few weeks or days or months. The love that is established between these two, who
used to be strangers, is the strongest love known to mankind. Generally speaking, of course, the
love of the mother to the child is a different type of love. But that love that comes out of
nowhere. It comes from zero because you are strangers before you meet one another. And it goes to
that level of strength that the poet's and the movies and all of the people they love to talk about.
Allah is reminding us where did it come from? How could these two strangers have this strong bond?
		

			Allah is saying what Giada Vina come, I put that in there. You couldn't have gotten it yourselves.
You could not live with a stranger for 30 4050 years, if that love didn't exist, I am the one who
blessed that love between the husband and wife, it would not have been there had not been pushed by
myself. That's what Allah is reminding us what you're either bainer my word, the 10. And then Allah
says Rama along with my word de there's also mercy a lot. There's not just love. Marriage is not
just about love. It's about sacrifice. It's about commitment. It's about being merciful and tender
and mercy and is primarily is to forgive the other. That's what Mercy is used for. What is mercy you
		

			somebody does something wrong, you're merciful, you turn the other cheek, and this is the recipe for
a successful marriage, my wife and Rama compassion that is love and also mercy that is forgiving,
you want to do what is good and you overlook the negatives as much as possible, because you cannot
have an ideal partner as we will come to inshallah, later on in this hood. But the point being that
Allah is reminding us those feelings that exist, don't trivialize them, I put them there. They
didn't just come out of nowhere. I created them and I bless your hearts to have them or else you
would never have them. And Allah reminds us in the Quran, that of his miracles and signs of the
		

			miracles of Allah subhanho wa Taala is that he has created as we said, spouses and then he says Lita
school new la ha, this is another phrase that is for marriage in the Quran. We're going over some of
the common Quranic phrases.
		

			for marriage, and this is another phrase in the Quran. Lita school no la Ha. Now those who know
Arabic they understand that generally speaking, the word ozcan is generally with ma descuento ma ha,
right? And this is the common way that it is mentioned you live with. But in this verse Allah
doesn't say you live with Allah says dusk uno, la Ha. And that changes the entire meaning he didn't
need the school. To School la her means to be very simplistic, I have to jump over all of the
eloquence of this phrase that I was using and just translated into English The meaning is, so that
you will find peace within her. You will find Sakina by her side. And of course the wife will find
		

			Sakina with her husband again every verse in the Quran is for both genders generally speaking. So
when Allah says you will find Sakina what is Sakina comfort? What is Sakina solace what is Sakina on
a difficult day we need that Sakina and this is if you look at the role model marriage in all of
human history, and that is our Prophet Sal solo sallallahu wasallam and our mother Khadija This is
what you find when something trouble the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam when it happened and
jabril came in he was terrified. Where did our Profit System find Sakina? Oh, who thought it was
still alive? And automaton who is the wife of a wolf it was still alive. That was the people who
		

			raised the process as a child, he could have gone to them. No. Where did he find that? Sakina he
went back to Khadija zanmi Looney deathy Rooney she was the one that calmed him down. Finally,
that's where Lita schooner la have the Sakina is found in the good spouse in the righteous spouse
and this is both ways again, when the wife is flustered Where will she find that Sakina she will
find it in that loving and loyal husband. Also Allah subhana wa tada mentions and perhaps the most
profound verse in the Quran in this regard, and each one of these verses is worthy of multiple
topics. But perhaps one of the most profound verses in the Quran when it comes to describing the
		

			marriage is sort of Bukhara when Allah azza wa jal says, Who Nelly boss Hola, como untimely boss,
hula, hula, hula, your wives are like close unto you. And you owe husbands are like close unto them.
Who Nellie Basu, la como de la sala. This is a very, very profound and deep verse that should give
us pause. What is the law trying to say? Well, firstly, the most obvious one. And the famous scholar
evangelina Tamati. He mentioned this over 1100 years ago, that Allah is gently describing the
intimacy in a way that only Allah can describe. Because what happens in that beautiful act that each
one literally becomes like a garment unto the other, but there is more than just the conjugal act
		

			that Allah is mentioning here. What is the purpose of a garment? What is the purpose of a Libous?
What does the boss do? First and foremost, that the boss protects that what you're shameful to show
to other people, you protect your nakedness, you protect your hour. So to each spouse will protect
the secrets of the other. each spouse is a barrier between her husband or his wife, and rest of
society, every spouse will be a protector, my husband or my wife, their faults will remain within
the marriage. I'm not gonna go back bite, I'm not gonna go embarrass, I'm not gonna go humiliate and
ashamed. My own spouse. That's not what the Garmin does. The garment protects the hour. So the
		

			household secrets remain household secrets. Now, obviously, in case of issues where there's mental
or physical harm, that's another issue. But generally speaking, generally speaking, couples, they
don't embarrass each other, they don't humiliate one another. They don't share the secrets of the
other. That's not the purpose of the marriage. That's what the Garmin does, it protects your outer.
Also, what else does the Garmin do? The garment protects you from the elements around you. When it's
hot, you'll wear something when it's cold, you wear something else. When the warrior goes into
battle, he wears something else when you're going hunting, you wear a camouflage right? So you make
		

			the garment and it adapts to the society around you. So to each spouse will adapt to the changing
circumstance, each spouse will try one's best to help the other spouse depending on what is going
on. So when is hot, you wear light clothing, when it is cold, your heavy clothing your garment will
reflect the needs that you have. So to the spouse will step in, and the spouse will change according
to what is going on. He or she will change what needs to be done. What help needs to be given to the
person that is one of the points of a garment. Also, another point of the garment is that without
one's garment, you literally feel naked because you are you feel incomplete. So to the spouse
		

			completes you, the spouse makes up and that's why enjoy
		

			They will not be single people as our profit systems that had these authentic the one a selfish
agenda, it adds up. There is nobody single agenda, because generally speaking, generally speaking,
having a companion partner is the more default state of mankind. And when you have one, and if it's
a righteous and good one Al Hamdulillah, life is good. And that's the whole point that Allah azza wa
jal is saying, also, what is the purpose of a garment, it beautifies you, it completes you. So to
your your spouse, beautifies you, your spouse completes your life, your spouse makes you feel
better, like when you wear good clothing, and you come out, you feel better in yourself. So to be a
		

			good husband, a good spouse cheers up your life makes your life better. And this is the reality that
even if you're not religious, everybody knows that a happy wife has a happy life and a happy husband
as a good household. This is the reality of our society that it is built upon. So in this beautiful
metaphor, Allah subhana wa tada reminds us that we are like garments to one another. We're meant to
protect. We're meant to beautify. We're meant to complete we're meant to adapt to the circumstance
so that the person our spouse is not harmed by those around us, we will be together as a team to
contextualize our surroundings. And this is all of the beauty of Allah zoa just creation of the
		

			institution of marriage. Remember, Allah did not need to make us into two if he wanted, he could
have made us one like the Amoeba and the one cell species they are one they reproduce asexually. If
Allah had wanted to, he could have done that, but no one Mira Mati he woman a yachtie. He some of
our scholars mentioned very beautiful point that Allah created them.
		

			And even before introducing them to gender, Allah introduced add them to halwa. Allah created his
wife from him. And then Allah said wahconah Adam was gone until was ojochal Jana Hawa was created
before Jenna and our scholars comment on this and then Allah says you and Hawa go and live and eat
engender our scholars comment. Even the blessings of Jenna would not have been complete for our
father Adam had he not had our mother halwa even Jenna would be incomplete without the other
partner. That is the default how Allah subhanho wa Taala created us so obviously my dear brothers
and sisters, these are simply some of the many, many verses when it comes to the blessings of
		

			marriage, the blessings of having a spouse, our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said Hadith is
in Sahih Muslim, this whole world is a temporary enjoyment is going to go it's not going to be
permanent. No matter what you enjoy. It's temporary this whole dunya but in this dunya the best
enjoyment or matar that you can have with you is a righteous spouse. This is a very deep Hadeeth
what makes life the easiest and the best to live. Some people think it is money and how shallow they
are. Others think it is in the sensual pleasures the pleasures of the stomach and what is below it
and the pleasures of the sensual This is also very shallow. Our Profit System said if you truly want
		

			to enjoy this world, a happy spouse, a righteous spouse, a companion by your side that is going to
be your life partner. That is the best pleasure of this dunya and that is why Allah commands us in
the Quran. We asked to our to Allah for a righteous spouse robina habla Ana min min what min as
wodgina was a reality and an orator. It's a Quranic dua, we ask Allah to have good spouses we want
the wife should be asking that their husbands be good and righteous and the husband should be
asking, Oh Allah gives me a righteous wife. And also this is of the miracles that Allah mentions of
zecharia will Aslan Allahu xojo. We made his wife a righteous lady, they say that she wasn't that
		

			righteous, he may do I may do and then she became a righteous lady having a righteous spouse having
a good husband or a good wife. This is the best blessing of this world. And that is why Allah says
in the Quran, Allah Allah walborn una Zina tolyatti dunya that boon here means families you're not
just children but any money and family are what make life beautiful, no doubt money also makes life
beautiful. If you don't have it is difficult to live without but put together family and wealth.
This is what makes life beautiful and easy to live and that is why we make dua to Allah subhana wa
tada for Pure Reason and for beautiful and good and righteous spouses. My dear brothers and sisters
		

			much can be said we will insha Allah to Allah continue this topic about the the the concept of
husbands and wife but I just want to mention some points here very basic issues when it comes to the
issue of marriage. Allah subhana wa tada mentions in the Quran, why should I build my roof and live
with you?
		

			spouses live with them. Our shadow means to live with, live with them with my roof, what does my
roof mean? My roof means with the best manners according to the culture and the time of the people
that you are living in, in Arabic means culture, and my roof, that which is noble in your culture,
that which is good and accepted to be normative in your culture. And this is why we get to the very,
very interesting point, some Muslims, they open up manuals of Islamic law of fear. And they try to
find the rights of the husband and wife in the books of law. But the books of law are not meant to
teach you etiquettes and norms. They're meant to give you the base guidelines, that's a different
		

			topic altogether. It is a mistake to find the details of how to be a good husband, or the details of
how to be a good wife in the books of Islamic law. Islamic law is the technical stuff about how is
the * done? What is the minimum obligation of husband and wife? That's a law based issue. It's
not a debased, it's not the base of Dharma and the mercy and the truth here. And this is why it is a
mistake for even scholars sometimes, to quote books of law, when it comes to a good marriage law is
not going to teach you my roof. My roof is something that you know from your own society and
culture, you know, from you having lived in a place in time, what is the best way to treat my
		

			husband? What is the best way to treat my spouse, and these things, they vary from culture to
culture, they vary from time to place, and that's why the Quranic language is the best language. Why
should ohana build my roof and treat them in the manner that is the best according to the times and
the place that you live in. And never forget my dear brothers and sisters, that our Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was the ultimate and the best role model in this regard. And he gave us
that famous Hadith, the best amongst you, in your luck, or the best in your luck to your wives. He
said this to the husbands, all the men were sitting there, the best amongst you are those who are
		

			the best to your wives. And then he said, and I am the best to my wife. I'm the best to my wives.
And this is something again, and I'm speaking primarily to the men here the sisters are listening. I
know. But I want every one of us to think about this point. Dear men, dear husbands, we all know, it
is easy to fool your friends, it is easy to fool your colleagues. It is easy to fool the people in
the masjid for 10 minutes. When you walk in and out. We all know this. You cannot fool your spouse.
This also applies to wives as well. your spouse's your wives know you better than anybody in this
whole world. And that is why our Prophet sallallahu Sallam said, you want to see your ranking. You
		

			want to see how righteous you are in the eyes of Allah? Look, does your spouse think you're
righteous or not? What is the outcome or the verdict of a righteous spouse on his or her righteous
spouse? We're not talking about unrighteous or somebody unjust, that we're talking about the
righteous, The Good Wife or the good husband? Do they say to their good husband or wife? Oh, you're
also good and Subhanallah our Prophet sallallahu Sallam was married to multiple women. All of them
had nothing but utmost respect, and love and all. Most of us are married to one we cannot even get
her love and admiration because we fall short of that, because we're not living up to that standard.
		

			Can your wife testify to your Allah? Simple? I'm not asking you to answer me answer in your own
head, answer in your own head. It is very easy to fool the people of the masjid. Once you go back
home and you lock the door and nobody sees you other than Allah subhana wa Tada. Your wife knows
your real luck. Can she testify? Oh no. He is a God fearing man. He is a man who is upright who is
just who speaks the truth who does not lie. He is a man who fears Allah subhana wa Tada. Can your
wife say this? If she can handle the law? This What are prophets of the law I sent him is saying and
if she cannot, well then our Profit System said this that the best amongst you are those who are the
		

			best to their families and this goes to the sisters as well. That again sisters is easy. You can
decorate yourself falsely in front of other sisters you can have the illusion that you're righteous
and pious. Does your husband know this from you? Does your husband can you testify? Yes, she is a
lady who prays on time she is a lady that doesn't back by does not do Heba and Amina. This is the
point that our Prophet sallallahu wasallam is reminding And one final point for the first husband I
know. Time is short. And I know this is a very deep topic, but it needs to be said even though it is
taboo. And it is something that is generally not mentioned. And I am hesitant to bring it up but it
		

			must be done because well like our religion dictates this and that is the issue of marital violence.
That is the issue of domestic abuse, both physical and emotional. Unfortunately, this is a taboo
topic that is not discussed in the pulpit and from the members but it needs to be discussed. My dear
brothers and sisters. Our religion is really
		

			Have mercy and compassion. And in the final hutzpah that our Profit System ever gave in front of
100,000 people in the hedge, there were five paragraphs only. An entire paragraph was dedicated to
the rights of the wife's an entire paragraph in a society that took domestic abuse for granted. That
considered the norm that men would beat on their wives and be nasty and mean to their wives. This
was the norm, it was not even considered a crime in the hood, but to adapt our Profit System
addressed the men and he said, Oh, men, fear a law with regards to your wives, Allah will ask you
about your treatment to your wives, Allah will ask you, you might get away in this dunya you might
		

			get away in this world, but in the middle, you will stand in front of Allah. And Allah will ask you
about what you have done. Why would he say this? Because in the end of the day, what will prevent
most and for all of us if we have it is God consciousness, that's going to be the biggest barrier.
Realize My dear brothers and sisters, especially my dear brothers, and it must be said, sometimes
the abuse is the other way, and we should not trivialize it has happened, it has come to me as well
that the husband is the one being abused, and he is worried if he does anything even in self
defense, you'll go to jail and he comes to me and what I said what can I do? So it is a two way
		

			street To be fair, but also let's be fair, which gender is guilty more of the abuse we all know it
is the men that's generally the case even though it is a two way street, but most of the time,
because of circumstances, society and whatnot. It is men who are more guilty of physical and mental
abuse. realize we learned this from the Sierra isn't the authentic hadith. Our Prophet system stood
up and gave a hold of us and he said, Oh husbands, it is not allowed for you to discipline your
wives. So the shediac came down and the commandments spread in the city. No man should physically
disciplined his wife. After a few days, some of the Sahaba complained they said Yasuda law since you
		

			said that such and such has happened and our wives are doing this and that and what do we do now?
You said no, what do we do? So the Hadith says for raha Salah whom you can say he grudgingly
conceded like okay, if that's the case, then go ahead and discipline them. He he wasn't happy, but
he let it happen. Had he says the next morning, more than 50 ladies, this is authentic. I did read
the zero. More than 50 ladies gathered outside the house of the prophets of the lowers and
complaining that their husbands had beat them up complaining that their husbands had abused them one
night and they stand in front of the house of the profitsystem. What did he do? Did he say Be
		

			patient ladies? Don't worry has that right? What did he do? He called all of the men of the city he
sent a crier out calm. Everybody come the men students start in the masjid. He came on the member
and he said last night or this morning. 50 ladies complained to me about their husbands while law he
those men, they are not the best of your men. They are not the best of your men, old men who want to
justify your attitudes by misquoting a verse or misquoting a hadith. Why don't you call this hadith
when the Prophet sallallahu Sallam said these are not the best of your men? Oh men who want to abuse
the Shetty are in trying to justify abuse to your wife because this is an abuse of their God. Why
		

			don't you call our mother our Isha in the Hadith in Sahih Bukhari when she said, Well law he the
profitsystem never once raised his hand neither to a lady nor to a child nor to a servant. Why don't
you quote that Hadith that never once in his life? Did he disciplined his his women and he was
married to more than one woman. The real Sunnah is to follow the Prophet Sall Allahu Allah, he was
seldom and yes, sometimes back and forth happens. And sometimes you have to say something here and
there. But there is no reason no need to raise your hand or to emotionally or physically discipline,
try other tactics. My dear brothers and sisters, try reconciliation, try other things. But there is
		

			no justification and there is no reason and this is not the metal roof that Allah tells us to live
upon. Treat your women kindly and nicely and women as well treat your husbands nicely. And this is
what Allah azza wa jal has commanded us to do. May Allah bless me and you within through the Quran,
and may He make us of those who is verses they understand and apply his head out and how long
throughout our lifespan. I asked a lot forgiveness, you as well ask for his love for the Rahman
		

			Alhamdulillah Hilda hadn't had a summit a lady limited what am EULA what am eco loco one I had one
final point before we conclude, dear husbands and wives, dear husbands and wives. Understand that
your household and the ambience that you create in your household will be one of the main and most
important factors in preserving Islam and your children. If your household is a household of chaos,
if your household is a household of ours
		

			If your household is an evil household, then unfortunately, all too often your children will
associate that with our religion because that is what they see of our religion. But if your
household is a household of mercy, of compassion, of love of Islam of the Quran of the Sunnah, then
they will see the lived reality of Islam, and they will see how beautiful this faith is. How many
times have I met young men and women and they look at the failed marriages of their parents. And
they say that's because of our culture or to be let us because of our religion, they read in the
failure of their parents, I will do built into the religion of course, that is their mistake. It's
		

			wrong. But why would you give more ammunition in the land that we're living in parents, you embody
Islam? Number one in your children's eyes? Isn't that a reality? If you're gonna fail to live up to
Islam, if you cannot act like a good father or a good mother if you cannot demonstrate what it means
to be a husband upon the Quran and Sunnah and a wife upon the Quran and Sunnah, then do you blame
your children for not seeing Islam anywhere else? Please husbands and wives, mothers and fathers for
the sake of your own progeny for the sake of your own children, correct your act. start acting
compassionately, be merciful. Make your households a households of love, a households of mercy,
		

			households of compassion, not a household of evil and hatred. Do this for the sake of Allah for the
sake of your deen and dunya. And most importantly, for the emaan of your own children. May Allah
protect us and our children after us Aloma in the dying for a mineral Allahumma La
		

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altijd Mira javita de yaku Aziz rebels a law in the law to
		

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Katahdin idema in the law Houma la luna Allah nebby yeah you Allah Dena amanu sallu alayhi wa sallam
with us Lima Allahumma salli wa sallim wa barik wa and an avocado suka Mohammedan while the early he
was ibH marine rebels a law in the law to Allah yeah and when I live with So anyway, the orba when
in fact share it with moon kirribilli your Illumina Allah come to the Kuru Kuru la de mer Kuru come
wash Kuru.
		

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