Yasir Qadhi – Spousal Abuse
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The speaker encourages customers to participate in a donation campaign and sign up for a $20 gift card, as well as a 5% discount on monthly subscription. They emphasize the importance of consistent engagement in helping family members and emphasize the need to be mindful of behavior. The conversation also touches on the struggles of Islam and the importance of Day of Judgment, emphasizing the need to be compassionate and merciful in relationships. The speaker also mentions a video about a woman named Tina who was not present during a marriage ceremony.
AI: Summary ©
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this Mila hamdu lillah wa salatu salam ala brothers and sisters Wallah we spend more on our what Netflix subscriptions with the HBO stock for Allah How was we love Allah what other subscriptions we have? The Masjid is asking $20 And to be honest, I think that's very minimal. To be honest. This is like if you're a student inshallah give up to three coffees and you could do $20 a month and sha Allah I myself am signing up and I want everybody to sign up $20 A month is minimal. And inshallah for most of you, you should sign up your family members as well. Think of it as literally your membership fees, the bare minimum that you that we spend Alhamdulillah Alhamdulillah I'm very
humbled to be a part of this amazing community. I think all of us we appreciate all of us we appreciate what our Masjid has done, especially during the pandemic. I know for a fact because I get calls from all across like how are you guys doing this, you know, our videos and our husbands and our Juma as it is something the whole nation Alhamdulillah there wherever hamdulillah Al Hamdulillah and that's because after Allah azza wa jal, it is the blessings of epics management. I want to tell you a personal thing that happened, you know, all of you are seeing this that, you know, I one day I complained to the board I said, you know, this acoustics is not good. The hotel I can't even hear
myself, how do you expect the people to hear so hamdulillah they hired a team and look now 100 And something $1,000 We spent on this, these types of things here so that you can hear those of you that choose to attend six weeks ago, you remember how the tacos work, right? So the board cares that hamdulillah we're caring about this community we want to give back but obviously it all comes at a cost and that cost we all have to share it
together so in sha Allah Allah today's the day of Juma today is the day of Baraka, the most blessed day of the week. And I want us all to sign up at the bare minimum Allah I think 20 is very minimal. Obviously if you cannot afford then hamdulillah if you can 20 is the bare minimum and if you have 234 or five family members and you can give on behalf of all of them, this is in sha Allah to under the lease that can be done so that it is something that is consistent remember what our Prophet sallallahu alayhi salam said the most beloved of all good deeds to Allah is that which is done consistently, even if it is small, this is very small and it is consistent and it is for our Masjid
your spot here if you were to calculate it, it will cost more than $20 a month in terms of expenses and whatnot. So it's your spot you are registering for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala please sign up and sign up on behalf of your family and friends insha Allah as well
can you hear me and Charlotte if you signed up today and you would like to get your card and Mark today you could just go around the building and come to the admin office and you will get the card and the mug today inshallah Tada so you can enjoy your coffee tomorrow. Is that unlucky coffee calm. We have some many brothers and sisters that are sick and many brothers and sisters have passed away. So I'm Ron's gonna read the list and then the shake will make the differential.
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our community and the relatives of our community, brother, mother, brother, quasi
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Auntie or aunt or brother as a Buhari, and father of Brother Mohammed Shahzad Toller the one who passed away.
And Sister Milania her father passed away and then those who are sick because of COVID or other diseases, Sister Shazia, she's in ICU because of COVID. Brother Abdul Hamid, he is in ICU in coma because of COVID. And then we have sister know Jehan, she's an ICU.
We ask Allah subhana wa Tada the Shafi in the Caffee. We ask Allah azza wa jal, they are hammer rahimian We ask Allah azza wa jal, the Lord of the Throne We ask Allah azza wa jal, our Creator and our robber to give Shiva to all those that are sick, Allah meshfree anta Shafi la Shiva Shiva okay for Allah you are the result of Allah cure our sick Oh Allah protect our families. We ask Allah azza wa jal to forgive all who have diseased and passed on. We ask Allah azza wa jal to grant for them the death of a Shaheed We ask Allah azza wa jal to give them about one one Quran Nikhil come. We ask Allah azza wa jal to make their graves a vast place we ask Allah azza wa jal to perfum their graves
to enlighten their graves to make their graves vast and not constricted. We ask Allah azza wa jal to substitute their evil with good deeds. We ask Allah azza wa jal to welcome them the with the angels of mercy. And with the abodes of mercy, we ask Allah azza wa jal to exalt their ranks and to forgive their sins and to bless them with all that to give Saba to those that have left behind behind. Llamas have another half here for Dini with dunya Rasul Allah who was Sunova
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Alhamdulillah All praise is due to Allah subhanho wa Taala to Whom belongs the dominion. he utters who had made for us the earth as a solid foundation. And he sent down to us the rain, and he blessed us with fruits and vegetation. He created us from one man and one woman, and from the two of them made many tribes and nations and he preferred the Children of Adam over the rest of his creation. He sent to us His chosen Prophet, the one of the praise worthy station to Allah and Allah alone belongs our worship, obedience and supplication. Know that ALLAH SubhanA wa Taala has reminded us to be conscious of him when he says in the Quran yeah you hola Dena Amano taco Allah helper to call to
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imagined your brothers and sisters if one of you were to be given a priceless gift and expensive gift, a precious gift, a gift beyond measure. And that gift were delicate, and it brought you great joy and comfort. How would you cherish and protect that gift? How would you treat that gift that was bestowed upon you?
Know dear Muslim that are prophets of Allah Who are they he was seldom said the best near Amma the best blessing that any believer can be given after a Tukwila is to be blessed with a righteous spouse. A righteous spouse is a blessing and gift from Allah subhanho wa taala. A righteous spouse is a gift that makes life easy, beautiful. Xuyen are the necessities Xena, it is something that makes life beautiful. A man who will be known as zero will hire to dunya and the spouses that Allah has blessed us with are meant to give comfort to our souls and a coldness of our eyes. Allah mentions that of his miracles is that he has blessed us with spouses so that we can find Sakina Lita
school no ha ha. Now, do you Muslims, we have heard many hot buzz about the blessings of spouses and about the good treatment of our wives and wives good treatment of their husbands. But what we have to acknowledge is that this pandemic, unfortunately, has brought out and nasty side and many people being cooped up in one house, being under lockdown with your life partner has unfortunately brought out the worst in some amongst us. And we are hearing across this country and frankly, across the globe, we are hearing of so much more physical and mental abuse. We are hearing of marriages on the break down on the verge of breakdown or even breaking down in this pandemic. And it is high time
that we remind ourselves of the responsibilities that each of these two partners as dear Muslims realize that our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam has shown us what it means to be the best of all husbands the best of all human
means he has demonstrated in his life Salallahu idea he was setting them what it means to be a true believer and a true gentleman. We know that the farewell holds by that he gave five paragraphs, one of them was dedicated to the treatment of women think about that. The last message that he left us with only five paragraphs he gave in front of 100,000 men on the mountain out of out of fats in the Farewell Pilgrimage and an entire paragraph he dedicated to the treatment of women he spoke because he's speaking to the men and he said to them, that oh man, be conscious of Allah it toquilla Here means be conscious. Remember Allah subhanho wa Taala with regards to your women folk, you will have
to answer to Allah. You are accountable to Allah Subhana Allah to Allah with regards to women folk, and then he mentioned the name of Allah and the covenant meaning the * that he says you have made them Halal with the name of Allah. In other words, when we get married, we say Bismillah Allah Kitab Allah Allah Sunita, Rasulillah the marriage contract mentions the book of Allah, it mentions the name of Allah, it's not a trivial thing. And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa salam reminded us that we have to answer to Allah subhanho wa Taala for how we treat our women realize as well that our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was sent to a society, and in an era where spousal abuse was
the norm, not the exception, where it was the norm that a husband physically disciplines his wife, this was the culture of the time. And our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam never once lifted his hand against any lady, our mother Ayesha swears by Allah, she gives us some a * of that will Allah He, our Prophet says I'm never lifted his hand against the lady or against his servant. This was in a society where it was rampant, it was common, it was the norm, but he demonstrated what it means. We all know of the incident. That's when men discipline their wives, they complain to the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam the prophets are some gave a hoot but the next day and he spoke
to the men, and he said, yesterday, ladies came to complain about how their husbands mistreated them. And then he said, and the hadith is in the books of the Sunnah. And then he said, These men lays to be here they come, they are not your best men. These are not the best men. If you cannot treat your women with gentleness and kindness, then you are not the best men, hydrocodone, hydrocodone, Leigh Leigh, why not how you to complete. The best of you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best to my family. The best men amongst you are those who are the best to their families. And I am the best to my family. The sign of Eman and the sign of Taqwa is to be
kind and compassionate, especially to those who are surrounding you those who need you. And this is why dear Muslims, it's so painful. All of us imams are hearing stories all of us. On the other side of the aisle, we're hearing the realities of what is going on. And Wallahi It is painful to hear that be especially because of this lockdown. Men are becoming even more nastier now it's a two way street in terms of being nasty, no doubt men and women are totally equal. Under the law, we are equally human and equally nasty potential. But do brothers. Yes, both husbands and wives can be mean. But when it comes to abuse, generally speaking, the husband's because of their personalities
because they have the higher status in terms of finances, in terms of physical strength. In terms of abuse. Generally speaking, men are more guilty than women in terms of you know, bad manners men and women are equally guilty. We are both human being, but in terms of abuse, crossing a red line, getting to something that is downright unethical and another Slavic, there is no question that both sides are guilty, but one is guilty than the other. And not because one is more nasty is because we are socio economically privileged because the woman generally speaking relies on the man for the house for the rent for the groceries, generally speaking, the woman is the weaker * physically
speaking. So when it comes to the potential for abuse, there is no question that men generally speaking and again, I'm not exonerating that women are all innocent, sometimes it is the other way around. But generally speaking, it is the man who is more abusive. So we have to be very clear and speak out against this entire endemic, systematic problem taking place. Dear husbands, you will have to answer to Allah subhanho wa Taala on the day of judgment and Day of Judgment is important. It is very important, but I asked you in all honesty,
Don't you want to live good lives in this world as well? Of course we have to answer to Allah. And that's very important. But don't you want to have a happy marriage in this world? Don't you realize that as you give love you shall receive as you give kindness, you shall receive it back. Also, dear parents, let me tell you another fact, very bluntly speaking, how many children when they grow up, they resent one of their parents, because how they treated the other parent, come and talk to any one of us. We will give you horror stories, how many young men and women they grow up and when they become adults, they never speak to their mother, or sometimes their father, depending on who was
doing their abuse. And they say, oh, because they treated the other spouse this way. I saw how my father treated my mother, I don't want anything to do with him. I get photos and questions all the time chef, my father did this and that I don't want to have anything to do with him because of what he did you know, throughout our lives because of how he treated us in my mother and what not. What do you expect us to do other than to remind ourselves, dear brothers, dear husbands dear fathers, why would you do this to the very people that are around you, their your spouse, your children, as you give unto them you shall reap in this world and also in the Accra as well. Our Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said and Hadith isn't was studied by Muhammad in new heritage Huckleberry Finn, I am consciously reminding you of the heck of two week categories of people. Number one, he said the your team and number two he said the woman he put the woman and the your team as one and two, even though the woman is not on your team, the woman is an adult the woman is saying by the VA Kayla, but he put her number one your team number two woman why because generally speaking, a woman relies on her husband for food for clothing for rent for support. And if the husband becomes mean or nasty, if the husband you know, becomes an evil person, generally speaking,
she finds it very difficult to maintain a normal sense of balance. Dear Muslims, our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam specifically told husbands a long list of what not to do. And one of the things he said wala to bear and do not make her feel nasty about herself. In our modern psychological terms. We say this is called Emotional abuse. Don't use nasty language that will hurt her feelings. Don't use something that's vulgar because the woman is created to be loving and tender. This is the default of a woman and a man can say something that will break a woman's heart and the man will not even realize it the other way around. If a woman says something the man can
recover. I'm not saying it's justified, but I'm saying Allah created the two differently. The hurt that a man's phrase can have is very different than the hurt a woman's phrase can having and that's why our Prophet system specifically mentioned while our two of them, don't use Kabir language, don't use vulgar language, nasty language. If you become angry, be quiet, control your anger and then discuss when the situation is better. Dear Muslims, our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam specifically commanded us He said, Let no believing man despise his wife, the believing woman. Let no man do this because and then he gave us basic human psychology. Listen to this. If he doesn't
like one thing about her, for sure he will like something about her. If he does not like one thing, all of us are imperfect. Think maybe your wife might have whatever sarcastic tongue or whatever, okay, she must have a good thing that he appreciates about her. Nobody is pure evil. Also, dear husband, just like your wife is tolerating. Just like you are tolerating your wife, your wife is tolerating you. Just like your wife is not perfect. You two are not perfect. Just like you're nitpicking things with your wife. Your wife can also nitpick things with you. It's a two way street. Nobody is made perfect. So our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is reminding us do not hate a
woman. If you don't like one thing for sure you will like something else. Look at the positives and then work with the negatives also do your Muslim realize come out to the United and as you give you shall receive the more love you show. The more respect you show, the more dignity you show, the more you shall receive. And in the end of the day, the two are not equal. We have to be very clear here. We do not believe that yes, human wise of course we are equal spiritually we are equal. But men have a certain responsibility. And with responsibility comes as well that privilege men have been given a certain matter that they have to be the ones that control their anger more Allah gave them that
Qudra Allah or Regina Kawamata Allah Nissa men are the ones that are in the guardians of women. What this means is that you're the one the buck stops with you. If your wife says something nasty, you have to be the one controlling your anger. She might be excused and she might get away with it in the eyes of Allah, you are the one that has the higher responsibility. I'm not justifying. Maybe if a wife goes beyond no doubt you
has to also control but the two are not equal. You're the one that is in charge of maintaining the family, their buck stops with you responsibilities in your hand. If you're going to stoop to the level of everybody else, the marriage is going to fall apart. You have to rise up, control your anger, be the loving, be the generous and make dua to Allah Insha Allah, Allah, Allah and also realize, dear Muslims, that our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam demonstrated what it means to have the perfect marriage and the perfect marriage does not mean that you never fight in his own life. So Allahu alayhi wa sallam minor spots occurred in his own life. We were well aware, one month
went by and he had to leave the household and sleep in the masjid notice he slept in the masjid. He never abused his women over the biller. He never kicked them out. If anger happened, he left the house he never ever said something nasty to any of our mothers. He never told them to leave. When that when the situation became really bad. He left the house and he slept in the masjid. A true husband never kicks his wife out, never forces his wife to leave the house. If something gets really bad and nasty, and they're not going to sleep together. The wife stays in the bedroom, the husband goes sleeps on the couch. If it's worse than this, the husband goes guests the hotel or the masjid
or whatever it might be as our Prophet Sall Allahu alayhi wa sallam did because the wife needs to be maintained her sanity her safety, she is the one that is taken care of like our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam demonstrated dear Muslims Allah says in the Quran, and with this, we conclude our first hotbar wha shuru Hoonah Bill metal roof, treat your women with my roof with kindness with equity. Treat your women with kindness and equity. This is a commandment of Allah and a commandment from his messenger as you give unto others you shall receive May Allah subhana wa Tada bless me and you will find through the Quran and May He make us of those who is versus they understand and
applies commandments throughout our lifespan as colors forgiveness, you as well ask him for his love of food and the ramen.
hamdulillah All praise is due to Allah the one and the unique. He alone do we worship and it is his aid that we seek. He is the Lord of the week and the one who responds to the call of the one who is oppressed. Dear Muslims, one of our problems is that we don't know the techniques for solving marital issues. Again, time is limited. I don't have time to go into a long list. But one of the problems that I see and many of us see who are in leadership position in the community. One of the biggest problems is male ego. Men do not they feel demeaned. If they get help from somebody. They feel that if they're going to open up and talk about the marital problems is as if it's as if they
have failed in life. And that's not the reality. Allah explicitly says in the Quran, that if there is a problem between the husband and the wife, let the two of them bring in arbitration. Let the man find an arbitrator that let the woman find an arbitrator and let them open up to the both. This is the Quranic methodology for solving marital problems. Our prophets Allah Allahu Allah, he was seldom he saw a couple arguing and he got involved hadith is in Bahati, he got involved and he said she tried to bring them together because I just want to try to bring you together Hadith in Bukhari, the famous editor but era he himself got involved. When the Prophet system himself was having issues Abu
Bakr approached, Ayesha Omar approached his daughter Hafsa, they got involved to try to bring them together again. If this is the case, back then how about me and you will you don't think we need help? There is nothing undignified about seeking help when we need it. There is nothing unmanly about a man opening up going for therapy going for counseling going for arbitration. Allah says so in the Quran, how could that be problematic? And in fact, this is the beauty dear Muslims, this is the beauty that Allah says very clearly. And this is the most optimistic verse about marriage in the Quran in UT that is la han, you are filthy la Hubei in the Houma. If the two of them want
reconciliation. If the two of them wants to make the marriage work. This is about the husband and wife. If the two of them want to come back together, Allah will bring the way for them to come back together. This is the guarantee in the Quran. The couples who want to be married successfully and happily, as long as they both come to the table for arbitration. Allah says through the arbitration, I will bring them back together again. Dear husbands, if your marriage is in shambles, and you don't know what to do, make dua to Allah and then open up the door to close family, close friends, your cousins, your relatives, family, friends that have known you for many years. You find an arbitrator,
your wife finds an arbitrator, and then the two of you sit down with them and you open up and you go over the specifics and Allah has guarantee
heed in the Quran that if you want to make your marriage successful, then inshallah to Allah it will be successful. There is nothing wrong with getting help. It is what we do. And also dear Muslims and I'll finish with this point in sha Allah if you see your own close family friend or your own brother or your own cousin struggling in their marriage, then offer help, like our Prophet sallallahu sallam said, Don't be nosy Don't be intrusive, but just say hey, you know if you want somebody to talk to you know my wife and I are here, we will be able to help offer your help like our Prophet salallahu Alaihe Salam did dear Muslims were undergoing a pandemic we have enough tension as it is. Every week
people are dying. Look at the announcements every week we have a long list. We don't want to add to that tension, where I know we're at our wits end I know we're stuck together and small things become big but this is the time when we need to turn to Allah be compassionate, be merciful. Let's not exacerbate the situation at home. Let's not make it worse. Husbands and wives turn to one another you're on the same team you're not enemies against one another. You're on the same team in the eyes of Allah subhana wa Tada. Work together. Big be be merciful and compassionate. And know that as you give unto others you will be given back unto you may Allah azza wa jal bless all of us in our
marriages and our families. And remember the dua of the Quran Robina habla Nam as wodgina was Luria Tina Kurata and this is the Quranic dua that gives us from our families from our children, that which will bring comfort to our eyes Allahumma and NIDA and Firmino Allah Mala Ted and FEMA them but in la falta wala Hamad Allah for Raja Wallah Dana in LA Kobita weather Maria on Isla feta while I see Ron in LA Sarita Allama Filipina well is one endogenous Hakuna Iman one Arthur Jaffe origonal Hilda Lilina Armando Robina. In Nakata oh four Rahim Allah Houma is Al Islam or when Muslim in Allahumma Aradhana our other Islam when we seem to be so official alumina FC, which added me Rofi
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