Yasir Qadhi – Maintaining Islamic Values During Social Interactions With The Opposite Gender – Ask Shaykh YQ #126

			What constraints should Muslim men and women oblige by when meeting persons of the opposite gender
on campus, either academically or socially?
		

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			Common Sense applies honestly common sense applies. It's really you don't need a long lecture.
Everybody knows when things are getting out of hand. Everybody knows when decent conversations
becoming flirtatious, you don't need to be taught how to flirt with the opposite gender. And the
shediac does not encourage sparks of passion flying pre marriage, because everybody knows where it's
going to lead. So the main, the main, generic advice that I can give as an older brother is never
should a brother and sister meet alone and unsupervised. It's as simple as that the Prophet system
was very clear about this that never is the man and woman together alone, except that she had gone
		

			is the third of them. Anytime there are meetings there should be done in public with multiple
people. And any time and of course, I mean, this is I'm sure this question is going to come up in
the in the next few questions. But if you find that feelings are developing, we go back to the
previous question. There's nothing wrong with feelings. And frankly, it's only natural and normal,
that feelings are going to develop, keep those feelings in check until it's time that is possible to
to talk about marriage. And when that conversation is going to happen. It should never happen alone
should never happen. Just one on one, bring friends and family. Whenever family is involved. Things
		

			are always going to be dignified and decent, right? There's nothing wrong with having a feeling for
somebody that hey, I think this person is going to make a good life partner. For me. There's nothing
wrong with that. But if you get family involved, you get friends involved, and you don't do things
secret, then everything's going to be aboveboard. And I know I'm jumping the gun, you're gonna have
some other questions about this. But I want to say one thing that brothers and sisters at that age
Listen, you want your life to be blessed? Did you want your marriage to be blessed? Do you want your
future to be blessed it in order to do that, you need to lay the foundation pre marriage, not after
		

			marriage, you need to lay the foundations now, you don't want to do things. Listen to me carefully.
And I'm being blunt here. You don't want to do things that you are going to regret for the rest of
your life. Because this is not just a one off mistake. This is something that will emotionally and
psychologically scar you. Okay? Let me again, be explicit here. You don't want to be getting
flashbacks of somebody else on your wedding night. Think how you're starting your life think it's
not an easy mistake. This is a big mistake. It's not a trivial mistake. So in order to not get to
that level, you need to start cutting off way before you get to that level. Because at that stage,
		

			and we've all been through that stage at that stage, even you do not know how powerful your emotions
can become. In fact, the Koran calls those sexual desires intentions. The Koran calls it
		

			Luffy Socrates, Dr. Moon, oh, it's an intoxication, the word Sakura is used intoxication. A lot
calls the lust love that happens. You know, it's in the haoran the word sucker is used, but you're
intoxicated, meaning you cannot even think rationally, you know, and again, that's not to get too
explicit here. Sometimes I have to control ourselves. Well look at the crimes of passion that occur.
Look at college campuses, and the * culture and whatnot, right? What is going on? What is
all of that stuff, it's literally that a person is not even able, they're not thinking rationally.
So when you go down this route and Avenue, unless you keep yourself in check, it's very easy to slip
		

			all the way to the end. My advice, therefore, is each one of you needs to think long and hard,
especially when feelings develop to keep those feelings dignified. Listen to me, again, there's
nothing wrong at all, with having a feeling for somebody actually, that is totally natural. There's
nothing wrong with that. But once that exists, number one, you wait until the marriage age comes
when you're 17 that's not the age to talk about marriage. It's just the way the society is you have
to be of age that if you're a young man, you need to have close to having a job if you can't afford
to pay your rent, how are you going to have a wife You know, as a sister as well? What age are your
		

			family going to be willing to get you married? Number two, once you get to that marriage age, do not
do things on your own, do not go solo, bring in family and friends, you know and see what can be
done in a healthy manner. And then you shall love the other. I strongly encourage you know young men
a woman to get the nikka done, but this is the problem of parents and whatnot and probably one of
the questions is gonna be about that. But if it was in Mike if it was in my control, I would tell
all the parents that as soon as
		

			As you're young, you know, son or daughter is of intellectual maturity. And that varies from person
to person 2021 2220, whatever intellectual maturity, at least if they find a partner, get the guts
of GitHub, then that means just the rest signing the contract, they're not going to be living
together as husband and wife, I strongly encourage that this should this is healthy in the society
we live in, that a young man and a young woman, once they decide they want to get married, at least
the kneecap should be done. So that if they want to, you know, go out on a quote, unquote, date,
even though they're technically married, but they have dinner at lunch together, they spend time on
		

			the phone together, but they're not living together, then it's all has all families know. And at
that age, it's good to have an outlet that is totally helot without actually living. This is very
important. I'm putting this in your minds because sometimes parents do allow this. If their parents
don't allow it, well, then that's just a part of life. And I'll advise you one last point for the
next question. However you feeling now remember it and remember when you have a son or daughter that
is now your age, and try to then work with them and don't be like the uncle Auntie's that you're so
frustrated at your age and knows best