Yasir Qadhi – Destruction Of Marriage Is Destruction Of Society

			Salam aleikum wa rahmatullah wa barakato.
		

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			from the law Alhamdulillah All praise is due to Allah subhanho wa Taala we praise Him and we seek
His help and we seek refuge in Allah from the evil of our souls and the consequences of our actions.
Whomever Allah guides, none can misguide. And whoever is misguided cannot be guided except by him. I
bear witness and I testify that there is no god other than Allah agenda. Jana Liu, and bear witness
and I testify that Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is his final prophet and his most perfect
worshipper as to what follows Allah subhanho wa Taala has reminded us to be conscious of him in the
Quran, when he says yeah, you hola Dena Ahmed with Tapachula how cultural quality wala temotu illa
		

			one two Muslim Moon dear Muslims, one of the most radical changes that is taking place in society
around us in this very generation is the change of the family structure. And even the types of
changes in the family structure are different. But one of the most obvious is the very stability of
the family one generation ago in this country in 1960s, more than 95% of children
		

			You were born to a married couple that's the way it should be. That's the way intended by Allah.
That is nature 95% of children were born to a married couple, this is one generation ago. Do you
know what that statistic is now, almost half of children born today are born outside of wedlock.
		

			Let that statistic stink sink in. We are literally destroying the family in one generation. One
generation ago, 95% of children are born to two parents what together hopefully in love together one
need to establish a life together. And today, one generation 1960s Is not that many of you were
young in 1960s. It's one generation ago. And today, almost half, perhaps in a few years it will be
half of all children are born to people that are not married. And this is an America as for Europe
and other places, it is already more than half. And we are still studying the impact of what happens
when children are raised without to parents without a solid family without a stable background. And
		

			almost every single psychological sociological survey and research that has been done, almost every
single research done interdisciplinary realities demonstrates that a solid, intact family a loving
family, a mother and father figure have significant positive impacts on the development of the child
on the future well being of the child, a family offers countless benefits for both adults and for
children. On average, on average, children raised in stable households perform better on every
single measurable scale known to man, I repeat, if you look at all the surveys and statistics done
in every field, on average, we find and this is common sense you don't need statistics to prove
		

			this. On average, we find children born and raised and stable households perform better on every
single measurable scale, emotional intellectual development, educational social motor skills,
functioning in society, giving back to society graduating, getting stable jobs, having families of
their own, having better lives of their own, and we go on and on and on. Children raised in loving
households, by and large, are less prone to commit acts of violence, less prone to turn to a life of
evil, less prone to end up in jail, and overall far more statistically shown to become productive
members of society. In other words, successful parents, surprise, surprise, usually produce
		

			successful children. That is the Sunnah of Allah azza wa jal, and it is the proven reality of the
world around us. And by the way, these studies don't bring in religion, they're not coming from
Muslims, they're not bringing in Quran and Sunnah. These are sociological, psychological surveys and
studies done across generations to indicate a factor that will lie we don't need any survey to prove
our fit. The data tells us this a child born two loving parents, a child raised in a stable
household overall will be a better child, a safer child, a more intellectual child, a more stable
person, a person who will give back to society. And this is why brothers and sisters, the Shetty eye
		

			has come with one of the fundamental goals being to preserve the family to protect the family to
keep the bonds of marriage and SubhanAllah. Once we open the door for religion, once we start
studying religion, we also find, and this is again, surveys done by people not themselves religious
surveys done in the modern Academy, go look up any science journal and the research paper. The
number one cause of protecting the faith in the next generation has nothing to do with the quality
of the Sunday school. It has nothing to do with the rise and fall of the faith outside of you know,
the bonds of social media know the number one mechanism to preserve the faith and the next
		

			generation across all faiths, Hinduism, Buddhism, Christianity, Islam, the number one mechanism is
to have a stable family that is bonding because of the faith and through the faith. Again, these are
surveys done by people who don't care about religion. They're simply documenting. They're telling us
like it is when Christian families that love one another raise Christian children, by and large
those children end up Christian when Buddhist families when Muslim families these are surveys done,
you want to protect your children
		

			have families based upon your religious identity come together as loving families with your
religious identity as as a center stage. And lo and behold, the number one cause of the next
generation protecting the faith following the faith, observing the faith is they had successful role
model parents who are observing the faith, and again, should not be any surprise to us. But
sometimes we need to quote these statistics. Sometimes we need to tell you of these realities to
jolt us awake into reality. And that reality is a simple fact that should be known to all brothers
and sisters. In this time and place we live in when everything is going chaotic, when right is
		

			becoming left and up is becoming down and morality is becoming immorality. What is the number one
mechanism to preserve our sanity and the sanity of our children? What is the number one mechanism to
give them a chance to be successful in this dunya and in the akhira. The number one mechanism
psychologically sociologically the FITARA, is to have a successful family, you and your spouse, you
come together based upon this religion with the teachings of Islam, and you become a role model
mother and father, you live your lives around the faith through the faith by the faith, you live
your lives of love and compassion, and automatically your children will absorb those values, your
		

			children will be more mentally mature, will be more emotionally capable, will have a higher
percentage are becoming socially productive and avoiding the wrong parts here and there. In other
words, deen and duniya is both preserved when we preserve the family. And therefore brothers and
sisters, again, this is a reminder because how many holebas have been given, but it doesn't change
the reality that unfortunately, we are seeing, and that is the reality of the breakdown of our own
families within our own communities. Every week, every few days, another case comes to us and it
comes to me and we hear of another divorce, another reality, another breakdown. So it is imperative
		

			that we remind ourselves over and over again, where that kid for in the Quran for almost meaning
dear Muslims, the marriage contract between you and your spouse, it is not like any other business
contract. It is not a trivial contract. It is the most sacred contract you can ever sign. There is
no contract that is more sacred and more blessed than this contract. It's not like any other
contract. Yes, at one level, it is a contract. But it is a contract like no other than the QA
contract is the most sacred contract and our Shediac ALLAH SubhanA wa Tada calls it Meetha on the
holy war, it is a sacred covenant. We'll have them in Hoonah Meetha Kannadiga, Allah calls the
		

			covenant of marriage, a strict covenant, a sacred covenant. And in the hookbaits will WADA the final
hotswap that are prophets are some gave the last time he spoke to a large audience that hookbait had
five paragraphs, he had to choose five things that he wanted to leave his OMA with, he had to choose
five talking points. And number four of that talking point was about the family. One of the five
final talking points of our Prophet sallallahu. Either he was setting them was about the family and
about the marriage contract. And he reminded of course, he's speaking to men because that was the
way that the way he's speaking to men. But when you speak to any gender, the other genders included,
		

			he said to men that all men be mindful of this contract. He mentioned the marriage contract, be
mindful of the contract, that sacred covenant that allows you to have intimacy that allows you to do
what is otherwise not allowed. And he said in that houldsworth, he said, you use the name of Allah,
you invoke Allah azza wa jal, and you made otherwise what would be haram? This is intimacy, you made
it halal, and you came together in a special union, and you mentioned and invoke the name of Allah.
So be mindful of that contract. Be mindful of your spouses. In other words, the prophet system is
telling us preserve the family, protect the bonds of marriage, be mindful and conscious of the
		

			rights and responsibilities each spouse has on the other. Again, brothers and sisters, I gave up
about two, three weeks ago about the goals of the Sharia. And we said one of the primary goals of
the Sharia, one of the fundamental goals of the Sharia is to protect the bonds of marriage to
protect the sanctity of the family, we all know and that hadith addresses some told us that the CHE
upon who that all the shayateen go and give Westwater whisperings and they go back to IBLEES himself
and they will say to Emily's Oh, I caused this young man to gamble. I caused this young lady to do
this sin and He will keep on dismissing until finally one one Shavon comes and tells IBLEES Oh, I
		

			kept on pestering one couple and making their arguments worse until I caused them to divorce. The
process I'm said IBLEES will stand up from his throne and hug
		

			This shaytaan and say you have accomplished something today. In other words, when a divorce takes
place without due cause, again that underlying sometimes a divorce is with due cause and that's not
because of shaytaan. But when Shavon causes a divorce, when Shavon makes a small thing bigger and
they shouldn't have divorced, but misunderstanding, arrogance, Kibito comes in grudges come in. When
shaytaan causes a divorce, it believes himself hugs that shaytaan IBLEES says you have accomplished
something today. In other words, protecting marriage pleases Allah by displeasing Iblees. Protecting
marriage is an act of worship, because we're fighting shape on and when we allow marriage to
		

			crumble, when we allow a small issue to become bigger when we allow a divorce take take place
without just cause we are making the enemy of Allah happy because that enemy understands the
destruction of marriage is the destruction of society, the destruction of marriage will bring about
the destruction of society. Therefore brothers and sisters, some brief advice to myself and all of
you generic advice based on the Quran and Sunnah and based on the lived realities of marital advice
that has been called from many centuries of marital experience. The first advice I give myself and
all of you the first advice I give myself and all of you, before you jump to the faults of your
		

			spouse, before you concentrate on the negatives, pause, and force yourself to keep in mind the
positives. Because it is human nature, that we jump over the positive, it is human nature, we take
the good for granted, and we jump to the negatives, it is not appropriate when you assess somebody
that you only look at their negatives Wallahi a court of law, any good judge any exam when you hand
in the paper, yes, you're taken off for the negative, but how about the right questions? How about
the right answers? How about the good responses? You weigh everything on? Qiyamah? What's going to
happen? Will Allah only look at your negatives? No, you will look at all the positives and even if
		

			you have some negatives, but the positives are much more inshallah we will pass if we will pass
because of this. How about your spouse? How about your life partner, so weigh the positives before
you jump to the negatives. In fact, to this advice, it is not coming from me it is coming from our
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in a famous Hadith he said, talking about couples talking about
husbands and wives, he said, led to no men, a believing man despise a movement of a believing woman
meaning his wife, let no husband or wife hate his or her wife in totality, let your heart not be
full of evil and animosity and anger. Then he said, if you happen to dislike one characteristic, for
		

			sure, you will like some characteristic as well. In other words, he's teaching us basic psychology
Salallahu idea he was sending him. If you don't like one thing, don't concentrate on that negative,
take a step back, ask yourself, what are the positives of my life partner, perhaps Perhaps your
partner has a sharp tongue, that's a problem. But maybe they're also loving to the children, maybe
they're able to manage finances? Well, maybe they're a good leader and other aspects. So take
advantage of that and look at the negative in light of the positive. Nobody is just a bunch of
negatives. Every person has some good and some bad so before you can say turn on the negatives, look
		

			at the positives as well and force yourself to take a part of the broader picture and assess the
positives before you get angry at the negative ask yourself what are the positives then thank Allah
Alhamdulillah my spouse has such and such positive point number two the Quran advises us as well in
this regard and the Sunnah in this regard as well. Point number two. Do not hold petty grudges. Do
not keep in your heart negativity based upon some small stuff, forgive as much as possible, overlook
as much as possible. Allah subhanho wa Taala mentions in the Quran and Sunnah to Harbin, again,
about spouses, Allah subhanaw taala either has a verse that requires an entire hood bubble will
		

			summarize it, Allah says, Yeah, you are the nominee, are you who believe in mean as long as you can?
Why will they come? I do welcome some of your spouses and some of your children, they are your
enemies. Now this has generated a lot of discussion. What do you mean, my spouse and child is my
enemy? And the scholars say listen to this, the meaning of this is not that your spouse and your
children want to harm you. It's not that your spouse and your children will drag you down because of
who they are. It is that chances are, you will fail in your obligation towards them. And you will be
your own worst enemy in your treatment of them. You will not be able to do justice and so
		

			In order to be a good father, a good husband and you fail, it is as if the cause of your downfall
became your spouse and your children not that they brought your downfall but you fail to live up to
your responsibilities. So Allah says follow him be conscious Be careful. Be careful because one of
the main causes of failure is failure in marital life. One of the main causes of failure is failure
as a parent so Allah is saying, be careful, because one not the only but one of the causes of your
failure might be your own spouse might be your own child, so be careful for the room. Then Allah
gives us a simple tactic what entire foo what else what who? What tofu for in the law for Rahim,
		

			Allah tells us to deal with our own inner rage, inner anger. One of the easiest mechanisms, stop
holding grudges for the petty stuff because what happens when you have a grudge when you keep the
petty stuff in your heart is that you overreact you overcompensate? Rather than doing something
trivial and rebuking in your anger in your rage, you will become the volume you will become the
tyrant. So Allah says, What in tactful and if you were to elate, erase from your heart that
negativity, what does FICO turn over a new leaf give them another chance to spiral. Literally, you
turn the page like give them another chance, let the past be the past. Let bygones be bygones. Don't
		

			hold it in your heart. What tell Pharaoh and forgive your wife, forgive your children. Let it go on,
let it go. Don't hold it in your heart. The Quran is telling you be careful, your spouse and your
children will be the cause of your downfall. Then Allah says, but you can save yourself how? By
having a clean heart forgiving, don't hold grudges, give them another chance. tell Pharaoh forgive
your own children, forgive your own spouse. This is one of the strongest mechanisms to protect
yourself against yourself and the excesses of your own family and children. This is a beautiful and
powerful verse that teaches us that family and children are a test and trial. And one of the easiest
		

			ways to overcome that test and trial is not to concentrate on them but to concentrate on me to
concentrate on ourselves to let our hearts not fret over the small stuff not become bogged down by
every single petty issue. Let something of yesterday be yesterday life goes on. You have a future
with this with this woman with this wife with this mother of your children, you have another 20 3040
years. Why are you going to hold this small argument yesterday and cause it to lead to something
much bigger? What entire foo What does for what tofu tofu is the highest eliminate. If you can't do
that thus far, I will give them another chance turn it over. Let it be in the past and all the ways
		

			what tofu forgive, forgive, forgive, not for the sake of your ego, not even for the sake of your
spouse for the sake of Allah and also for the sake of your children. For the sake of marriage. You
need to maintain your marital happiness not just for your happiness, but to for the happiness of
your children and for the happiness of the entire society around you. This is the second advice that
the Quran gives us and then the third and final one because time is limited. The third and final one
brothers and sisters, our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said
		

			that ALLAH SubhanA wa Taala gives through somebody's kindness, what will not be given through
someone's harshness, you will get through love what you will not get through harshness and anger.
This is a generic Hadith. Allah gives what you want. Allah gives it when you're kind, Allah gives it
when you're compassionate. Allah gives it when you're loving, Allah gives through kindness, what you
will not give through what you will not get through harshness, meaning what rather than use
harshness and anger, rather than raise your voice rather than threatened. This is one of the biggest
mistakes that a couple makes against each other to threaten and to take things nasty and to invoke
		

			you know stuff but Allah Allah has anger the Shetty has made it obligatory to obey me, my dear
husbands. Yes, it is obligatory obedience. But do you think by shouting, your wife will genuinely
respect you? Do you think by raising your voice invoking that is how you will attain the pleasure of
Allah subhana wa Tada. By the way, leave it to me and leave it to other third parties to remind both
genders. Yes, you have to fear Allah. Yes, you have to answer to Allah subhana wa taala. Yes, women
must respect their husbands. Yes, husbands should fulfill the rights of their wives, leave it to a
third party. But when you're having a dispute with your wife, and you raise your voice and you bring
		

			in stuff that Allah Allah is Lana, you bring in you'd better do this or else. Marriage is based upon
love, not fear. Marriage is based upon kindness, not anger, marriage is based upon compassion, not
hatred. So this is not the best tactic between each other. True, somebody has to do it and leave it
to me and other people to remind all of us myself and all of you that yes, there should be a fear of
Allah in both of your hearts.
		

			There should be accountability in both of your hearts, but laterally between each other, the primary
relationship is love. The primary relationship is compassion. So use the language of love to solve
as many problems as possible. Brothers and sisters much can be said. But you know what, in the end
of the day, there is no rule book that guarantees a successful marriage, there is no set of
guidelines, there is no algebraic equations that if this is the problem, you turn to this equation,
it will solve it. No, there's no simplistic solution to the problems of marriage. And every one of
us has a different set of problems because we're different people and our spouses are different
		

			people. So all we can advise one another number one, be conscious of Allah subhanho wa Taala and
know that Allah wants your marriage to be successful. And number two marriages are based on love and
compassion. Marriages are based upon kindness marriages are based upon that feeling of genuinely
wanting to benefit your spouse. Both parties if they come together with that attitude in shallow to
either the marriage will work and they should do so not just for the sake of Allah subhanho wa Taala
but also for the sake of their children. Marriages, dear brothers and sisters are Allah's biggest
blessings to us as a human species after religious blessings. The biggest blessing Allah has given
		

			us after the religious blessings. Hello, Carla Coleman and Fujichrome as watchin he has created for
us spouses so that we can find comfort, protect your marriages guard your marriages work on your
marriages, and Allah azza wa jal will show you the fruits of that work in this dunya before they
occur May Allah subhana wa Tada bless me and you within through the Quran and may make us of those
who is versus they understand and applies halal and haram throughout our lifespan as scholars
forgiveness who was will ask him for his love of food and the ramen.
		

			Alhamdulillah helwa had a had a summit Alladhina Malad Voila, mula wollemi Akula, who went ahead
with our
		

			brothers and sisters every time we talk about marriage, we must always bring up the awkward reality
of divorce. There is no doubt that it is something that needs to be discussed in more detail. But
realize divorce is always a last option. Divorce is there like a fire exit when there's no other
escape then, and the Shetty has provided guidelines and I have given multiple hookbaits about this
and please listen to those hookbaits by me and by other scholars out there learn the etiquette of
divorce before you need it. Understand the fear of divorce before you have to resort to it. Know
this background knowledge before you need to know just like when you board the plane to tell you the
		

			fire escape who you hopefully never need to know but you had better know before you need to do it
because if you don't know and there's a fire well along with Stan you're gonna be in big trouble.
Similarly with divorce you need to know the rules know the ticket before you need to all too often
people fall into major mistakes because they've never studied divorce. And then they come to the
chef the Imam the move to share why did the chef I did that? Well, you messed up and you didn't know
you messed up you need to learn before you come to any chef in this regard. So I advise all of you
when things are good, no problems still you should know this stuff because this is an emergency
		

			escape that should only be availed to when there is a need to do so yes, sometimes divorce is the
better option. When there is abuse when there is abandonment, when there is total incompatibility
and the proper steps are followed well then it is what it is and some of the greatest Sahaba as well
divorced and they were still the greatest Sahaba despite that divorce a divorce does not mean you're
a bad person. And sometimes it is better for your iman for your health for your sanity to end the
marriage. And also if a marriage has ended or if one of you is in a single parent situation, please
sisters and brothers especially single mothers don't pay attention to those statistics then because
		

			statistics mean nothing at an individual level Wallahi Dear sisters that are raising children on
their own I swear to you I am always in all of the courage and sacrifices of single mothers I'm
always in awe about how much challenges you have about how you're taking on the world how you're
doing more than any man could possibly do if he was in your situation, it is a miracle from Allah
single mothers they become simultaneously more than just any other lady can become they become a
father figure a mother figure so if you're in that situation dear single mother forget those
statistics you will inshallah to either be successful with your children these statistics mean
		

			nothing at the individual level and yes, of course try to find a partner that is good but if not,
then inshallah it is what it is. And for wisdom known to Allah, Allah has decided to test you in a
way that inshallah you will also see this reality. Don't lose hope. Don't lose heart and realize
some of the greatest people in our history were raised by single mothers. And Isa was raised by a
single mother he was of the mightiest prophets, Imam Al Buhari was raised by a single mother
		

			there and he became who he became so don't lose hope and don't worry about these statistics you do
your job you do you your worship Allah subhana wa Tada make lots of dua, and inshallah Tada. Your
tool will be even more successful than the average children out there. No worries insha Allah Who to
Allah. But yes, as a default we try to keep our marriages and keep the children within a stable
marriage. The final conclusion brothers and sisters, even if society around us is heading towards
complete chaos, even if more than 50% of children in broader society are born outside of marriage,
we as a Muslim minority have to be role model citizens and role model worshipers of Allah subhanho
		

			wa taala. We have to show broader society what it means to be a worshipper of Allah on morality on
Abrahamic religion, what it means to have a successful marriage, what it means to raise children in
the normal manner. And this is one of the strongest mechanisms of Dawa and it is also the strongest
mechanism to preserve Islam for many generations to come. BarakAllahu Li Mo La Moneda and for aminu,
Allahu Allah that I failed to meet them but in love Africa while ahem and Illa for watch the weather
then Allah Kobita while I'm a de la ilaha feta whether I see Ron Illa your Sarita Allah my friend
Anna what is one in the linea Saba, Pune Iman wanted to jump in as elderly lady in Amman Robina in
		

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and Muslim in Ibiza and Fraser Lubin FC which outed me Rafita DBT Yeah, cool. Yeah. As he is above
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saloon either Nebby you already in Amanu Sallu alayhi wa salim with a steamer Allahumma Salli wa
Sallim wa Barik will adopt the cross Rekha Mohammed in wider early he was on big Marian about a law
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			so I can there has been requests for dogs for a number of our own members whose relatives have
passed away or going so falling sick firstly brother Zia whenever regular members his brother,
brother the D. The G to deal with Dean has passed away and taka, we ask Allah subhana wa Allah to
forgive him to raise his ranks to give something to the family along with federal law or hameau if
he was one who are convicted of Western wahala who Allah Matsui Mati with tells you all borrowed
went up to him in the nobilo Kataya como Nakata will be alumina Denis. Also we have two requests for
the offer the sick brother Kashif, one of our regular board members. His brother is having heart
		

			surgery so in Charlotte We ask Allah subhana wa Tada to grant him success in this and also sister
awesome as well in India. She's not feeling well one of the mothers of our board members we ask
Allah Subhan Allah to cure her Shiva and agilan Allah, Masha, premiership and Arjuna now you all do
Sakuma Allah Mara Banarsi addable bossy aunty Shafi la Shiva, Shiva, Shiva Allah you order Lusaka