Yasir Qadhi – Ask Shaykh YQ #94 – Is Intimacy a Spouse after Nikāḥ but Before the Walīma Allowed

			My brother, of course, sim emails from California. And he says that he has gotten his nikka done.
But
		

			he is not living with his wife yet. And the understanding of the two families is that they shall not
be alone until after the walima. The expectation is that there's going to be a large one, another
big party, and then the bride is going to come over and start living with him. And then he asks a
very awkward but a very necessary question that what if the two of them meet, and they engage in any
type of action, whether even to the level of consummation, is that a sin? Or not? No? One?
		

			out Oh, send me in?
		

			No, he lay him first. coo
		

			coo.
		

			Now, this is an awkward question. It's an embarrassing question I understand for many young men and
women, but it is a question that needs to be asked you see brothers and sisters.
		

			So there are multiple phases of, you know, marriage and what not, when a young man and woman are
interested in one another, and they're you know, talking and whatnot, obviously, at that stage,
there is nothing that is allowed, that would not be allowed, except for a little bit more of time
with them to be alone in a public place. And if she wants to, she may show her hair or whatnot to
him at a stage when she is comfortable to do so. But in terms of physical touching, in terms of
intimacy, obviously, nothing is allowed. At that stage. Now, the kniga takes place okay? Technically
speaking, once the Nika has taken place, then in the eyes of Allah Subhana, WA, tada, they are a
		

			married couple, and there is no sin on them. No matter what takes place. After that, even if it is
all the way to conjugal relations and intimacy. Now, the official * has taken place he job in
Kabul, the two witnesses the matter everything has done, even if it's a small ceremony doesn't
matter, even as in the privacy of your house, and there were five people, the family members over
and the family expects there to be a massive festival 1000 people come, and then the bride is going
to be given away formally, but everybody knows that a cat has taken place in this interim, right?
You are now between two problems are two issues number one, the Sherry as allowance to do whatever
		

			you want. Number two, the family's expectations that nothing will be done. Okay. Now, if you and of
course, to me, we've all been younger than we all know, it's very difficult at this stage, both men
and women. I mean, why would they, you know, it's going to be with great difficulty that they will
not avail themselves to this concession. do realize, if you go behind your parents back and do
whatever you are, you're doing, you're not sinful in the eyes of Allah. But there are legal
ramifications and repercussions if a Nic if a divorce were to take place. Okay? If no divorce takes
place, then there are no ramifications whatsoever. But if a divorce takes place, then it changes the
		

			amount of changes there, the amount of the two of you were never alone, you had a * ceremony,
and then you guys went your ways. And you were waiting for the the walima. And it's so happened for
whatever reason that the marriage ended in a divorce. In that scenario, there is no ADA, in that
scenario, the matter will be much less in that scenario, other things are going to come into place.
However, if the two of you were alone, if the two of you engaged in any type of fondling, or any
type of more than this, then all of a sudden, if that marriage were to end, now, the divorce is
going to be basically a three month you know, although the entire process is going to take place.
		

			Now, if that were to happen, and your parents don't know that you guys have, you know, gone behind
their backs, it's going to be a very awkward scenario for the for the both of you. And by the way,
that will happen if the two of you were in private, in seclusion, the Shetty. We do not ask what you
did in private, that's not our business. The fact that you were alone, such that intimacy could have
occurred, whether it did or not, we are not going to ask we don't have to ask that. But if you were
alone, not in a public place, but alone in a place where intimacy could have occurred, whether you
did or not at that stage, you are not sinful in the eyes of Allah. But there are legal ramifications
		

			that will affect the shady as ruling if a divorce were to take place. Therefore, what I
		

			advise in this case and of course I mean we all understand it is difficult, but I advise that the
understanding be made clear to the families the understanding and make clear that hey, look then
they got has taken place.
		

			But you know, we're going to be meeting up and spending the day together and you know, we're going
to be you, whatever however wording you want to use, right, right, but the expectations, you are not
sinful, but you're going to cause some issues. If, for whatever reason, the marriage does not go
through, and the parents thought that, you know, nothing had happened. So you have to balance
between those, you know, those two areas here, and you know, you know best which you know how best
to do that. But if anything were to occur, there is no sin in the eyes of Allah subhanho wa Taala.
And the parents have the right to request, it's their right is their prerogative, that we don't
		

			want, you know, the two of you to be together until the edema takes place, they have that right now,
whether you choose to do it or not, I mean, you might get them angry, but in the eyes of Allah
subhana wa and they have the right and again, so don't don't mix and match to two things here. You
know, a lot of you two are married in his eyes who are married. And if you choose to do something,
there is no sin in any in the eyes of Allah subhanho wa Taala. But you have done something to
irritate your parents maybe, and they have every right to be irritated. And so you have to face the
music if you want to, you know, do that it's up to you. But there is no sin on you, per se. And my
		

			advice to you is that that's something that should be, you know, conveyed in a manner that is
appropriate and elegant, so that nobody is surprised later on. And Allah subhana wa Allah knows best
with it.