Ask Shaykh YQ #103 – I don’t want to have children! Must I inform my future spouse

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Yasir Qadhi

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The next question we have But brother moose from Singapore Mashallah subotica law beautiful country beautiful land a little bit tight to to move around in but tall buildings and Mashallah great cuisine. Brother Musa from Singapore emails stating that for specific reasons he doesn't want to mention that he has made up his mind to never have children and he wants to get married, is it permissible for him to get married without informing his wife to be of this intention? Okay. So Can he get married without telling the lady that he does not want to have children 107 me Paul Bailey, in

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no he him first coo

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coo.

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The response to this, obviously we know that marriage is a strongly encouraged so now and it is one of the goals of our shediac and really of humanity and of the goals of marriage is to have family and children and malu well known Xena to hire to dunya one of the pleasures of this world is to have children and in fact, it is a natural desire in almost all of mankind Muslim and non Muslim, you know, it doesn't matter, the desire to have a family and to have children it is ingrained in us now, you are not telling us the reason which is fine, that's your prerogative you are saying that you do not want to have children. If you have a medical condition that precludes you from having children.

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It is obligatory on you, it is watching on you. This is for male and female, both men and women listen to this carefully. If you cannot have children for a medical or biological reason, you are not allowed to hide this fact from your future partner, you are worried about who's going to marry me, I guarantee you inshallah, tada put your trust in Allah, you will find a partner that might have the same issue as you so paddler there might be a man who cannot have children, and a lady might be barren, and she's worried who's gonna marry me who's gonna marry me. And so subpanel are the two of them will be connected together. And they both know that they cannot have children. So you cannot

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hide this fact, because this is a type of deception. And you're going to deceive your partner, if you do not mention this, this issue and our Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, Whoever deceives us is not over. So it is not allowed for you to hide a medical defect to the I mean medical defect that is problematic to the marriage, and you must tell your spouse to be now suppose you are medically fine. But you are not certain Do you want to have children or not? You are flirting with the idea for whatever reason you had a bad experience as a child you want to have, you know what not so realize that, you know, you should not be so adamant in this regard, maybe you will change your

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mind, maybe she will change your mind. Maybe when you're 30. You know, right now you're 2025, maybe when you're 3035, your biological clock will feel differently. So don't be that certain about an opinion that you hold at a certain stage of your life. And if you are fairly certain that you really do not want to have children, but you're biologically normal, what I would advise you to do is to open up to your spouse to be your fiance at that time and say, You know what, you know, these are the reasons that I'm not really eager to have children. And you should know that now, realize that even you cannot be certain even you do not know how you will feel after 10 years. So you yourself

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should humble your own opinion, this is if you are medically fit, if you are not medically fit, it is logical for you to say to your wife, to be if you are medically fit, but for whatever reason, psychological reason, you don't want to have children, I myself know of a number of people that they felt this way when they were, you know, in their 20s or whatnot. And then once they got married, and you know, their biological clock, their maturity, they see everybody else they feel a need in their lives. So I would ask you as well to humble your own self, and to realize maybe you will change your mind. Nonetheless, if it is something that you are fairly certain on, you should not conceal this

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from your spouse to be but also be humble in your wording. And say, you know, I really am discouraged to have children for such and such reasons. And your wife might say you or your wife to be might say, Don't worry, inshallah, when we get married, I will convince you otherwise, and she'll feel confident. But even in this case, you should not hide it. Because again, this is a very important factor of marriage, and the majority of mankind wants to have a child. And so your wife might be eager to have a child very early on. You might say, No, no, no, I want to wait a few years and it is helpful to wait as you know, maybe in another q&a, we'll talk about this, but birth

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control is had no problem to do that for legitimate reasons. So the point being that you should not conceal this intention. If it is a strong intention. If it is just an idea you have we all have ideas here and there and there's no need to share everything if it's not connected.

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To your partner and, you know,

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maybe you yourself will change your mind early on. Nonetheless, something that is fairly certain should be shared. And then it is up to her what she wants to do with this knowledge, whether she will try to change your mind, whether she will risk it, whether she will say, I'm not interested in such a husband, but you should not deceive your spouse to be and you should be very clear about your expectations. And this will be better for your marriage. Why would you want to conceal something that might be detrimental? You know, you think that you're going to trap the lady what No, on the contrary is going to make her miserable. You think that when she's in the marriage, then everything

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will be fine. No, anything both husband and wife to be anything that might be problematic later on, should be brought up as early as possible so that that damage is minimized and that inshallah tada you can work together to solve that issue. And Allah subhana wa tada knows best.