Channel: Yaser Birjas
Creating a Ramadan spirit at home & rulings of Fiqh for husband & wife
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MOBA like to welcome all of you for coming back again in Sharla to join us through the Ramadan series that we have a dynamic center. Tonight we have the third week of this series talking about Ramadan and family life when it comes to Ramadan right now as we count the days down to the month of Ramadan Shaban already started handle a lot of blood I mean so in the first one or second day of Shabbat, that means you have less than 30 days counting towards the month of Ramadan. This is the time to build momentum. How can I make sure Ramadan starts shallow that I have a good healthy transition into the month of Ramadan to the want of Shabbat. So we have inshallah this evening our
dear chef almost a man talking to us about building a Ramadan spirit in the house. So how to build that and to make them shell effective in the last 20 minutes is going to be speaking and then I will speak after that on technicalities issues between husband and wife people they ask what are the limitations between the husband wife you know during the month of Ramadan This will be our discussion Charlotte Allah and then we'll have a q&a session Ben delay as the origin we would like to post anything online if you'd like to take any picture and post that make sure there's also the hashtag we are I see Ramadan 2018 that we are I see veteran Islamic Center. We are I see Ramadan
2018 shallow data we started with the first part shave almost lemon.
I want to come on up and sarcasm.
Feels like Tuesday.
I'm gonna wake up really confused tomorrow. Wondering why I was
speaking from the podium on a Wednesday night
time that allows for lots of smart lsvt loud LD savvy woman Wallah. So a lot of the tips that I'm going to go over are actually tips that are good to inculcate in our daily lives outside of Ramadan. And I think that it speaks to the overall discussion of Ramadan being a time to actually foster new good habits. So you actually start new good habits in Ramadan. And that's one of the goals of Ramadan, that you carry on some of the good actions that you would learn within Ramadan to outside of Ramadan. So I'll just off the bat,
a few things that I've mentioned. First of all, first of all, I actually did a series A while back called Ramadan resolutions, and just 30 Ramadan resolutions. I think there's still a website is there still a website Ramadan resolutions calm one of you can check if it's still up there, Ramadan resolutions calm. So it actually talks about 30 Ramadan resolutions, and a lot of those things could be applied within the family structure. So for example, there's this perception that speaking while you're eating is not a positive thing, or that it's somehow looked down upon. But it's actually a signal when it's employed in the right way. It's a good tradition to establish when it's employed in
the right way, creating family conversation. Try not to fill all of your nights with thought parties. All right, try to save some time and have some nights. And I'm probably the last person that should be talking about this, but try to have some nights where it's just you and family. And you get some time to connect and you get some time to talk about whatever it may be. So fostering that healthy conversation as much as you can. So Ramadan resolutions was something that I think if you go through you'd find very beneficial. It's a day by day resolution, and you could actually look, you could actually talk to your family about how you're making strides in accordance with
those resolutions on a 30 day basis. I've always liked to do series in Ramadan, I can't remember the last time I didn't do a series and Ramadan. Because it's really interesting how people tune in and actually follow along
during these 30 day, these 30 day periods and are really looking for some sort of self improvement, self empowerment.
One of the things that you can do an awful lot and it's actually the opposite of what's done in many parts of the Muslim world is to break a bad TV habit or to break an internet habit. Alright, Ramadan is not the month of soap operas. Okay? I know some of you guys are addicted to some Turkish soap opera. I'm not gonna say the name.
You all know what I'm talking about. Don't you know? All right, I was told I haven't watched it yet. I refused to watch it because I know that if I start watching it then I'll get addicted sizes refuse to watch it in the first place. But
there's no one is there at all non special to that too. So you want to break your your TV habits in Ramadan. I think that's actually one of the most positive things that you could do is you could actually have a no TV rule during the day of fasting during the month of Ramadan and you basically have to find things to do together as a family that you typically would not do because the TV or the
ipid babysits your children. So now you get a chance to sort of break away as adults and as children, and you have to find other ways to create that type of spirit to foster that spirit. The idea of fasting and feeding your soul while you're fasting, right feeding the soul while you are depriving it of physical food, you need to fill it with soul food and not like soul food in the southern sense. All right, so food as an actual soulful, so you have to think about what do I What do I cut off in order to give myself a chance to actually absorb what's around me. So I think that's a very easy resolution. If you want to create a Ramadan spirit at home, it's probably good to turn
off the TV of shape on, alright, shut it off. And no internet addictions. This is a time where we got to figure out other things to do. So that's the first thing that I recommend is cutting off TV time as much as you can. Other influences in the house making sure that everyone is finding something positive, to engage. The second thing is following a Ramadan series. I just said that I do it all on series, every Ramadan, but usually what happens is that the first one, the second one, the third one, by the fourth lecture, people start falling off. Okay, so I'm not saying you have to follow my Ramadan series, I'm just saying be consistent with one or, you know, pick one or two of
Ramadan series that appeal to you, and be consistent with them. So the series that I'm going to be doing this month, actually, this hasn't been announced to the public yet, I don't know if I'm supposed to be announcing it yet. But it's actually going to be prayers of the pious, and it's about Diaz, it's monada to set up in the Arabic language, some of the please the personal prayers of the pious predecessors. And the goal is to look at the prayers the way that they supplicated some of their personal prayers, because prayer is meant to be a personal dialogue between you and your Creator, some of the personal prayers, and then you try to craft your own prayers, observing those
same, those same mannerisms, which are, of course, traced to the Sunnah of the Prophet sallallahu wasallam. So pick a series follow it. And the best way to keep engaged is to actually follow it along with somebody else. So as a family, you could follow a series or two and ask yourself, you know, or assign homework to one another on that series, so everyone has to reflect on that series together. It's also a time to establish congregational prayer, as a family, once a lot a day, at least where you all pray together. And after the prayer, have someone in the house, just husband, wife, if there's some children, whatever it may be, have someone in the house actually read out,
maybe a hadith from the other side of him. Alright, one prophetic tradition, so that everyone is engaged in the process of both teaching and listening, it's very powerful when your kids are once when everybody in the house gets a chance to pick up the book and just read ahaadeeth it's empowering with the tradition. And it's one of the best habits that you'd find in a household. So every day, for example, we're going to choose also where the entire family has to pray together. All right, the oldest to the youngest, everyone has to pray together, and someone's going to read a prophetic tradition and share some sort of reflection. So creating something around Salah, building
something around Salah, okay. And this was the, you know, the companions were taught to engage the youngest child in the household, even those that didn't have to fast so that everyone could feel like they're a part of the Spirit. So even though children didn't have to fast, you know, the companion said that they used to give their kids toys when they would get hungry, so that they could keep up with the fast as well. You could have some children that may be fast until right or fast until it's okay. They don't have to know that it doesn't count. All right, it means something they're participating. All right, so my kid is going too fast until vote my kids going too fast. It
does count by the way, kids, alright, so it's good. My kids gonna fast until the whole my kids gonna fast until I said, you're gonna, you know, you push it every single year. One of the beautiful habits that that we actually started doing in our house is we actually have 30 balloons that have some candy in them. And we put 30 balloons up and every day when our kids finished the fast, which is okay.
They pop the balloon, right? So they get a chance to, you know, to look forward to something there's an accomplishment, there's something to celebrate. Why? Because most kids are already looking forward to it. It's like, Alright, when's it coming? They're not really interested in that amadon part. It's when there's income, so you got to actually find a way to engage them and excite them about the month of Ramadan as well. Also the value of charity. Anyone that's taken the course behind the scenes with me, I talked about just the beautiful habit that we had in our house when I was growing up. Some of you might remember, you know, the Holy Land Foundation, may Allah make it easy
for our brothers. They they used to the, you know, a long time ago, they sent out these, these boxes of the Dome of the Rock charity boxes of the Dome of the Rock, and the dome basically would come off and you put money in there in the house. So there's a coin slot and
There's $1 slot, and then you close it. And then when it fills up, you send in your charity. And I, you know, it's a beautiful habit, because if everyone in the house is taught that you've got to put something there every day,
then it fulfills one of the greatest ideals of Ramadan, which is to build empathy, to build connection. So let's say for example, you've got a charity box, particularly in the month of Ramadan. And every day, everyone's expected to put something in there, even if it's a penny, dime, all right, but every day, you're expected to put something in there. And then you intentionally you consciously choose which charity that you're going to give it to. So you talk about why you're going to give in this particular charity, and you diversify your charity portfolio, all right, with 99% of it being given to Valley Ranch, Islamic Center, and then 1% being given to everything else, the
diversify it. That's not really a joke, but you diversify it. We got to build the message, guys, diversify your charity, and even talk about it. There's a conscious effort
amongst the family of where are we going to put our charity today. So there's a one congregational prayer, there's following Ramadan series, right? After that congregational prayer, everyone, one person is assigned to speak, all right from the family, even if it's just the husband and wife, you're going to read a Hadith, you're going to read something beneficial. There is the daily charity box that everyone is going to participate in. And basically, what you're doing is you are creating and there are the balloons, let's not be there. I'm not saying it's sooner. So it's just it's it's not an innovation. It's just something that you can do to excite children, particularly if you have
children in the household. So the idea is work backwards from Ramadan, think about what are the values that you want to be imprinted on everyone's minds within the household and Ramadan? And then how do I create programming in the house to fit those values? Does that make sense? Instead of thinking? How do I just excite everybody? And how do I make everyone feel great, and put some crescents up in the house? And remind everyone, so hold on? What are the values that I want every one of us, including myself to get from the month of Ramadan, and then create something around that, you know, think of think of innovative ways innovative in a good sense, not in the shutter a sense,
and you know, in the legal sense, innovative ways to engage those different values, and engage those different ideas. Lastly, there's nothing that can replace the message and mumbled on coming to the message, it should be a family activity. We welcome families here at VRC. All right, we welcome every member of the family, create, you know, make that something to look forward to inshallah, and make sure you engage your entire family. With the messages in Ramadan, it's not just creating it at the house. We all know that Ramadan has a lot to do with the message. Okay, and if there's anything that we can do to make the message more welcoming to your family, you let us know in sha Allah, but
everyone has to, you know, have that as part and parcel of their program for the month of Ramadan for their family, right that every single person should look forward to coming to the masjid. Not coming to the resident, then heading off to shell. All right, like actually coming to the masjid. Everyone looks forward to something in the masjid. All right. So that's something that's important to create the to create that excitement that you surround that programming. The last thing and this is a personal challenge, all right. I know my wife does something every year where they do a thought with the refugees.
I'm sure other organizations do similar things, take your family and go out, even if it's again, just husband and wife go out and serve the homeless one night or one day or go out and serve the refugees. All right, have a thought with the refugees. So it's not just you know, because Ramadan's to create empathy, it's not just to put charity in a box, it's actually to have that connection to people. And I'm telling you, there are a lot of refugees and a lot of poor people in Dallas that we can connect to. So we can put a face to that poverty that we should be connecting to, because we should be connecting to those people. So it's important to engage at that personal level, and to do
that as a family. And of course, there are other things holding each other accountable to a poor angle, everyone should have a poor angle. And you know, what are you going to recite? So everyone says, you know, I'm going to recite this much I'm going to a site that much. I mentioned this about my mother, may Allah have mercy on her, mentioned it several times because it just blows my mind.
Her, you know, there was this the last Ramadan of her life, we had this competition going my father in law,
myself, my mother, everyone about who's going to finish the recitation of the Quran. So she finished out Ramadan with 14 chritmas 14 so she read like half the Quran every day. She just started fidget and just kept on going while she was making her thought whatever it was, she was going she continued to insert 100 my father in law got eight that year. I don't want to say where I was. It wasn't very good. All right, but I got left way behind everybody else. But you know, it's good to create some level of
competition and accountability. And maybe you don't have to tell the other person that you got some extra code and then in there as well, but it's good to create that type of positive competition, that spirit of competition in regards to the recitation of the Quran, or some sort of good deeds, for the sake of encouragement not for the sake of boasting are showing off. And usually, when it's within the realm of family, then you're more protected from those types of diseases that can creep in and corrupt your good deeds and make them insincere. When it's restricted to a husband and wife or to the children to the family court, then it's it's really taken within that that spirit of
proper competition over good deeds. So that's something for all of us to take in. And, you know, I think it's great if this is what we're going to be doing in shot, let's add, you can think about it as well again, think innovative ways to fulfill the values of Ramadan, everyone puts a goal that they have Ramadan, or one or two goals. Like as a family, you write them down on a piece of paper, and you stick them up on the frigerator on the wall, and then you you're constantly staring that goal down together as a family. It's a very powerful experience. All right. So what are your goals, you don't have to put all your personal goals but let's all set a goal, or Ramadan. What's something
I'm going to pick up a good habit, I'm going to pick up this Ramadan that I haven't had before. One of the things I'm going to encourage with my series is having a journal with myeloma bond series in particular as you're following it to write down some drops, okay? that fit the water and the sun and fit the mannerisms and the adapt to learn how to supplicate yourself to learn how to pray yourself and make them out from the heart yourself. It's very powerful to write things down sometimes. So these are just some of the is that 20 minutes
I've got five minutes to think of something.
Now I'm gonna let her talk. So those are some ideas, some suggestions and Charlotte's I'd love to also hear from all of you about some of some ideas that you could probably share with the whole community
so that we could all benefit and Charlotte sarada and Chef Yasser is going to talk about the fifth ruling, if you ask her told me to create an environment of romance between husband and wife. So husbands and wives be romantic and Ramadan without going past the fifth shift. So we'll talk about how to do that and shut
kundala Bellarmine Allah Azza wa barakaatuh Amina Muhammad wa ala alihi wa sahbihi wa seldom at the Sleeman kathira them
so when Ramadan starts a lot of people have a great misconception about the month of Ramadan they think Ramadan is the time for them to become you know hermits and just completely isolate themselves in a in a in the room or even in a masala area and when the family even they try to talk to them, ask them to go shop for them or bring something for them to build.
Like you're committing a major sin during the month of Ramadan and it seems that in Ramadan a lot of husbands they believe that what Ramadan starts basically Ramadan is for the man to go to work, come back angry angry and hungry obviously and then wait for his wife to prepare the food inshallah Donna report a nice to her early in the morning before fudger time. And that's it. That's her job. Okay, what about the relationship? What about the ramen? merci Odisha What about compassion? Is that even allowed in the month of Ramadan to be you know, considered with for each other with each other? And sometimes it's actually the opposite the lady she thinks Ramadan starts at hamdulillah so that's it,
we have to take break completely from any house duties and responsibilities between husband wife altogether a lot of big misconceptions people have about Mondo Mala. So when I'm talking about a shelter two areas over here, the first one is subject of affection, how much husband wife are allowed to express affection and show affection to each other. And then we talk about the subject of intimate intimate connection intimacy, but is it permissible is it allowed and so the first thing I want to just mention to you guys, is that when it comes to getting married, even in the month of Ramadan, just getting married one of the biggest myths I've heard from people is that you're not
allowed to get married in Ramadan, and then it is invalid in Ramadan. As soon as a man that's in hajj, not the Ramadan
only when you look around in hajj that's what it's not allowed to do. nikka burn Ramadan there are no objections. There surely there is no objection from getting married having any cardano of that nature actually in the month of Ramadan some people get guilt trip others the same stuff for Ramadan the month of the month of spirituality Salah Why do you think of getting married right now are stuck for Allah this matters of dunya Why do you make it harder for them? If they've had Allah there's somebody they met during that time and so some others a dismal aka we just get married. Right? And by the way, just to let you know and it's an underground and service and Ramadan. You know that
right? That away is used for that purpose. Anyway.
Why do you think a lot of people come and specifically martial law brothers and sisters they all come in and prepare themselves for that it's just like an unannounced matrimonial services is it haram? No, it's not as a matter of fact use it if it's possible which means if you truly believe that you can find somebody there during that lesson time in Charlotte about a quarter to approach them in a hallway for that purpose. Why not? Maybe this is the time to show to find somebody within the light of Allah Cortana so yes, it is okay during the month of Ramadan to think about getting married, it is okay to continue your relationship in the most wonderful way inshallah to Allah Kota
Allah. But let's talk about what is the what is the what are the limits? What is the love between a husband wife with regard to affection for example? For instance, when husband wife, they are together? Are they allowed even actually to think about being affectionate with each other? Are they allowed to touch allow them to be close to each other? Because I remember actually some some of the elders that were asking me if it's even allowed for them to touch each other in the month of Ramadan? I said Allah chef is because in the shafia, would you touch your spouse you break the rule, right? I said, What do you touch your spouse Ramadan doesn't break with us and just to let you know,
the chicken like transferring that shaft? Which is touching the hands that breaks the window into Ramadan? I said, No, you're fine. It is okay. No Matter of fact, I shall be allowed to Rhonda. She spoke about that even openly. She said, Well, the Prophet sallallahu wasallam Can you put below what he used to kiss his wife and what he was fast in some of my salon, she even mentioned a very more specific incident in which he saw him that I she said one day the profits or loss and and he approached me and it was Ramadan, though it was actually one of those Mondays or Thursdays or even wasn't enough. He never fasted. She said, I was one day, the professor semi came close to me. And he
wanted to kiss me. So the purpose of our salami came close to his wife to kiss her while she was fasting. He didn't know. So she kind of like object and she said, she said, I'm fasting. Like, I just, I'm telling you, I'm fasting. And the professor says, me too. I'm fasting too. And it just,
which means so what basically, if you're fasting, I'm also fast in our kitchen. What kind of kiss is that? This is not the case that you call that lustful kiss. Obviously, he is fasting, juice fasting, it's a blessing upon a time but still, it's called a kiss of compassion and Brahma. That's what Allah subhanaw taala called My word the term Rama. That tenderness that kind of that happens between the husband and wife. I showed you a lot and Anna even she said can Rasulullah saw some he would do so on the way out to the masjid canister Allah Samuel Pablo Baba Nisa, wasa him, so Maha Shula Salah, he used to kiss some of his wives while fasting, and he will go to the misery he will go out
to the Salah. And what does that exactly mean? And once again, his fasting, it's time for salah and he's leaving to them as what kind of kiss is that? That's it is of respect, a kiss of affection and because of Rama and mercy has nothing to do with lust here. So it's okay to be affectionate with each other. So if kissing was allowed, what about Allah Bashar? Al mubasher? Basically, is being in a physical like, Are we allowed to hold hands? Are we allowed to touch each other, to hug our to be near each other? You know, are we all even to be in bed together while fastened during the day? For example, you come back from work exhausted, you're tired? You want to take a nap until the start
time? Are they allowed to be in bed together during the day? The answer to this is yes. I showed a lot around she was asked about this and she said Canada sort of like Salah Salem, you've got below where you bash Yoruba who was on used to kiss and it used to you bash the word mubasher in the Arabic language in the literal translation of mubasher it means actually skin to skin. That's what it means. Which is basically it's a matter of metaphoric expression for having basically any physical interaction between a husband and wife, but that has any physical interaction, of course, but doesn't get to the actual intimacy which is actually eventually and having intercourse together.
So Elmo, bash is a kind of joke up below. You betcha. So there was there was always that moment of connection, intimate connection but of course, not to the level of intercourse so it's okay. It is permissible for a husband wife to be actually together and but however what she said Oh, I know what I can, but the Prophet sallallahu Sallam can unlock uchumi Arabic, he was the most in control to his verb which means he controls his desires. That means if a person feels that they are not in control of this, I will choose if they get excited over etc. And then they might, you know, cross the line. And eventually that they have they have an intimate relationship with each other that breaks their
fast and that becomes actually something. We're going to talk about a little shallow dialogue. But it is permissible for husband wife to kiss and be together and hug each other and touch each other and that should be absolutely fine and shallow. Actually man asked him in our bus for the long run.
If it hasn't rahimullah, it reported that statement to open our bus or delay line. A man came to him and it says Carla, it is a word. I get married. And he's basically what a newlywed is kind of like I can't I can't stand to stay away too much from my wife he says is it okay for me to kiss her in on Ramadan? He goes Can you hold yourself can you control yourself? Which means that you're not going to cross the line because I can grow myself sir. Okay, thank you sir.
Then he said, but you can identify her like a MOBA kind of adventurer. He said can you control yourself? He said, Yeah, I can. It goes okay fine. This is cannot be more than that. Like you know, being so into close to intimate it says as long as of course, obviously there is no actual intercourse, then it's okay. But we go back to hate, I shouldn't be allowed to Lana can I'm lucky to Libby he was most controlling themselves that Allahu alayhi wa sallam. Now part of this feeling of affection and also being you know, with mercy Rama with each other. That includes the regular interaction throughout the day, beyond the physical interaction right now showing the Rama in the
house. Like what? Now when it comes to Ramadan, a lot of people really miss the point of the month of Ramadan. Ramadan supposed to be what the gym are supposed to be organizing your life focus on your spirit and your soul, not on your stomach. People they think of soul future Ramadan, right, like you said, the soul food which means whatever that is, first their heart and their stomach and they don't think of the real meaning of the month of Ramadan. So between a husband wife, obviously you need to kind of like put this on the side a little bit and focus on the actual connection with each other. So don't stress too much on the subject of Do you have to have a fresh meal every single
night. People they believe that there is no fresh meal every single night for a thought that means have committed a coup for Lumsden like Jose villa. And you get upset and they fight and they come for counseling eventually. Why because she didn't cook me no good food or fresh meal last night I said so what what happened is that mistake also Ramadan that's the case of it is supposed to be less and less of eating Subhan Allah and more and more focusing on your soul and your spirit. So it's okay that you need to as a husband wife make it easy on each other if you guys gonna have to do something Why don't you help each other well you know getting ready for Ramadan. I know you want to
read your Quran you're running behind on your retina you're skipping you know, whatever of your current server. So what you do so part of your a Bader is assisting your spouse as well. And for the spouse if she's a stay at home mom for example, and she's cooking and getting ready for everything shallow data, I asked her to make all the effort that you prepare for your family to be you know, your reward for it and Paladin is about as a professor Selim COVID which means you know, being kind and in contentment your spouse and your families. This is the most rewarding thing specifically in times like this, when you both assist each other, you know, during the month of Ramadan, while you
haven't done what have you thought Are you allowed to to be lovey dovey? Are you allowed to feed each other for example hold the date and you put in their mouth while you know just breaking their fast are you allowed to make drama together and be makeup a nice beautiful fancy Ramadan after our religious candles Gemma will during the start time
are you allowed to do that? Or is it just too much right now? Start for Allah How could you do that in spiritual time? What's wrong with that? It's okay you could do that you are allowed to use use candles you are to use you know to dim the lights and make a nice beautiful You know, romantic spirit one you break your fast, it's absolutely heroin and it should be fine inshallah.
Now one of the main things that many many wives they asked me a sister they asked me a lot about actually is to give an announcement for the brothers and I'm saying this on behalf of all these work and sisters and also all these mothers their home. Somehow the brothers Mashallah because they believe that they have to go out to work all day. They believe they need to be very well fed for the support.
Which means they demand that their wives, they wake up for them and they prepare the whole for them and not just be first of all for them. No, it has to be another freshly cooked meal.
Different than the one that was actually full of thought, by the way. Right? Not they won't make it up. It's not even. It's not even an option. That has to be free. She says she she asked me she goes
do I have to do that? Well, I my my immediate reaction to her question was, do you really cook food for her?
You guys really cook so good for her? I don't believe that. Because I couldn't believe people they actually eat any cooked meal for her. So what do you eat then? Yogurt dates, water or something you know just a little bit because the purpose of this food is not to fill your stomach azima The purpose of this whole is really to get the Baraka. That's what the purpose RSM says
Calvinists are horrible okay? It's because you know so further as Baraka some brothers already getting upset right now for this advice.
And but have mercy on each other Gemma will lie this sister She told me she goes her husband would not allow it. If she doesn't cook, you know, a fresh meal for her, he would make a big deal out of it.
So what about warming up something from from afar time? Because no way never. He said just like I thought about this it looks sounds like gender already.
Because every meal is fresher. SubhanAllah he wants to live his gender in the month of Ramadan on Earth. So for the brothers and the sisters, you don't have to have a freshly cooked meal for supper. Is it haram though to do that? I can say that. But I would just say Take it easy on each other, please assess each other. If you need something you know fresh to eat. Go ahead, you wake up and do it yourself. Or maybe prepared right before you go to sleep and then just warm up before that shallow terracotta. As a matter of fact, one day I tried that, because I wanted to see what people really do for who. So what I did, I just I had not even actually any serious meal No, I just had
oatmeal, warm it up a little bit and I ate it. I said let me just try this Milan. for the entire day, the next day will lie I felt like a brick in my stomach. And how do people do that? If it's not just what you know, just some days, yogurt, stuff like that. It's fine. People have different course schedule, different workload, different energy level. So I'm not saying it's haram to eat a fresh meal. But if you would like to maintain that sense of connection with your spouse, and that sense of mawatha and drama with each other, then you're going to have to cooperate and you're going to have to ask to help each other assist each other shelter water with Allah, that's part of you know, being
again affectionate with one another. Now in regard to the subject of intimacy, is it permissible for a husband wife to be intimate in the month of Ramadan? The answer is yes, during the night, which means once the sun goes down palace, what was considered you know, move up the rod and prohibited for them to do becomes permissible to do after the sun goes down Allah Subhana Allah says Allah Allah Camilla to see me refer to it and he said, it was made permissible for you. On the on the nights of Ramadan, the nights of there is obviously a refer to the site which means being intimate with them. Allah Subhana made it very clear to him and his own delivers a local man to leave us
alone you for each other like government for one another. They're your government you are their government which means you cover the rot you help each other you you assist each other of course in fulfilling your desires and so forth. Allah subhanho wa Taala made very clear for us, and he said for Anna by Sharon after that in the ayah is the anniversary of double Makoto Lola. So yes, you can now have mobile share with them which means you can be intimate with them and pursue what Allah subhana wa tada has made permissible and halal for you. So yes, it is allowed and permissible for husband wife to be intimate during the night of the month of Ramadan. Some people actually they even
asked me what about the last 10 nights of the month of Ramadan and I should.
Now obviously it is still part of Ramadan. But the prophet SAW some had a special schedule for this during the last 10 nights of Ramadan since it's a time that people need to be mostly focused on little Qatar Rasulullah sallallahu Sallam used to go for the decaf. So he spends his days his nights and days, the last 10 days and nights of Ramadan in the masjid. Obviously, as a result, he's not going to be close to his families. So the professor says according to Ayesha, she, she said Ghana Rasul Allah is Allah semilla de la de la Sherwin the last 10 nights come in Cana, you should
you should that means he will tie his loincloth and the meaning of that basically he would be getting ready for a battle and also stay away from his from his wife, those those last nights of Ramadan doesn't mean that it's actually worship or fourth. It's highly recommended focus right now on your a battle during these these nights. And he said according to Ayesha, she said well, I acaba Allah, and he would he would make sure that everybody at home says up means he wakes them up. And we learn from this part of being you know, an affectionate part of the in the relationship not just into the physical part also the spiritual part that you care about them, and you care about their
data. And here's what sort of lies and reminded his spouse is he remembered his wife is gonna wake up, do you need to start a battle right now? So that they were dressed during the day rest during the day, and they do the rebounder during the night. Okay, so it's permissible for husband wife to be intimate with each other during the last I mean during the last nights of Ramadan and also throughout the nights of Ramadan? What about during the day? Is there any way any chance in for husband wife can be intimate together during the day? It is only permissible if there was a situation where it's helpful for them to break their fast like what? For example, if they were
traveling, and they were traveling, are they allowed to be intimate with each other? What are the travel was only two hours flight for example.
Three hours flight, not not a big deal, and you're going to go there still, during the during the midday or maybe it's going to be the morning and so on. Are they allowed to break their fast and be intimate with each other? The answer to this is yes. Because breaking the fast in the month of Ramadan is the rasa is considered rasa, which means a concession. And it is dependent on the fact that you are going on a journey was considered suffer. That's what justifies breaking the fast doesn't matter if there is a shortcut or not, which means hardship or not. Obviously, we recommend that you don't recommend that you don't. So you are allowed to, it's better for you to continue
fast, and if it's not that hard on you. But still, if you'd like to break fast, it is permissible for people to do so.
Now what happens, if a husband wife, they got you know, too close, they got a little bit too close to each other in terms of you know, affection, and then they cross the line. And then they become intimate, and they have intercourse, if they did that during the month of Ramadan during the days of the month of Ramadan. And there was no excuse like being traveling or whatsoever that allows them to break their fast. This is considered right now Islam is actually as a major sin. It's a sin, to violate the sanctity of the time in the month of Ramadan. However, that sin can be actually you can recover from it. And there's a cafaro for it. So the first thing people do need to do if they have
done that, number one, number one, they need to repent to Allah Subhana Medina, they need to repent of that because that's a sin that they've committed. Number two, after doing so they need to make sure to make up that day after the month of Ramadan. They need to make up that day. As they say they also need to continue the rest of the day fasting is not like hey, we messed up but let's eat. No, it's actually there is still continue fasting on that day. And then number three, they do the kuffaar What is the cafaro? And who is responsible to do the Godfather The Godfather is the expiation of that sinner they've committed it there is a story which is the base of the Kapha as
mentioned in books of a man a Bedouin Arabi. In this lesson A man came to the Prophet sallahu wa Salaam and a description in the hadith of this man. He was he was wailing he was actually gonna cry and he was slapping himself and he's coming to Los Angeles Allah Salaam was such as the situation this disturbing situation so Carla HELOC correct? Like I'm doomed i'm doing i'm ruin
the purposes of this. Relax What's wrong with you? What happened? What did you do? Follow Katara I live in Ohio Ramadan. Like I you know, I just, you know, I just kind of like I did. I did it in Ramadan. I was very I was intimate with my spouse on Ramadan.
And then the prophets Allah said, London he asked him He says, Okay, okay, fine. I'll tell you to Morocco but in toto. Okay, that's fine. Now let's see what we can do about it. Do you have the Do you have any rock over the world rock on his neck? But it's actually it's also expression for a slave. So do you have a slave to free Can you free a slave? This is a symptom health regimen Ratan Tata party find somebody that you can free so the man he answered again the metaphoric expression called Corolla Emily's mom and recovered in America
because the only Nic that I own is this one is mine like I have no I have no sleeves. I don't have any sleeves. The purpose awesome then told him Okay, fine. Can you fast two months, two consecutive months after Ramadan? Can you fast two months back to back 60 days basically, or 29 2059 days or so. And the mantras of Prophet Salah Salem Dada Sorolla.
Like I'm in trouble because of fasting. You want me to do 60 days?
Like I couldn't handle on days, you're gonna ask me to do 60 days. Then the professor said, Okay, fine.
Can you feed 60 people that can do you have enough food to feed 60 people because for every on behalf of these 60 days, basically for two months, we need to feed the poor as an explanation for the sin. Allah rasulillah Well, I I don't have anything we're very poor. I can't the professor some thought, Okay, fine. Sit down here. Just wait here. Sometime later, the professor Lawson was was presented with a gift of food, a good amount of dates, which is sufficient to feed 60 needy people. So the professor asked them and it says about him. He goes, where's that man who was asking about this? was another reason I'm here. I'm still here. sola. The professor says come over and pick up
that food. Go and feed 60 people in Medina and you go to your wife and man he looks at the food and it goes the prophets Allah subhanaw taala Rasul Allah, Allah Ascari min elevated Yama to spend this food to someone who was even more needy than us will lie if you search the entire Medina you won't find anyone who's more in it for food than us me.
My family. So the professor Sam smiley goes Go ahead, take it feed your family.
So from this heady dilemma they say the cafaro for those who have intercourse with their spouse in the month of Ramadan, obviously like we said they need repentance from Allah spittle and last panel dialogue to repent, Allah azza wa jal continued to defend fasting and makeup that day. And then on top of that, obviously the time here, there is no such thing as you know, freeing slaves, so they go too fast two consecutive months, when these two months could be or should be, my recommendation is usually to wait until it's close to the winter time. So it's actually shorter and closer for you, you could easily do that. If not, that's fine any time of day you should be okay, inshallah Allah do
it after it without her so that you won't be interrupted by eight. And you have to fight you faster two months in shallow water Katana. The second thing if we couldn't, if you couldn't fast, which means you have to try first. But if you couldn't fast, like after a week or 10 days, the person says, You know what, I can't do this anymore. Then you feed 60 people,
what do you feed them? One full meal. When we say meal, usually the meal is actually is given them a reasonable meal for much usually eat at home.
My mother says sometimes you give it some staple food that is usually used in this in their society, but the time has changed. So therefore whatever is considered a reasonable meal to feed one person in shallow data per day. Can you feed the same person multiple times? Yes, you can like in the hurry the professor Sanchez, give it to your family. And you can find you can even feed an entire family. For for all these numbers of visitors shallow to Island should be fun as well. But the learners now should we give them cash instead of the meals. Now that is an disputable case right now, because the Hadith speaks about feeding, which has been the basic needs some people that say, Well, people don't
need the food, it's not a basic need anymore. They need actually, to pay the bills and electricity and rent and other stuff and so on. I still believe it's better that you give it actually this particular Kfar? Or do you give it actually in food, which means you make sure that has been actually delivered to them and food, then given them cash and you can do charity for the cash to shell out about a quarter. Now? Who's responsible to take care of that? cafaro? Meaning? Is it the fault of the husband, the wife, or both? What do you guys think?
Who is responsible for husband or the wife pajama?
The gods or the gods are just like both, right?
Why is the man Well, here's the thing. They define it actually to two scenarios. They said First of all, that God's Zoda to mcra. Like if the wife she wasn't, she wasn't interested, and the man forced himself on her. Obviously, we don't say that he forced himself to forcefully but he kind of like comes the command blah, blah, blah, blah. And then eventually they did it.
If she wasn't basically she wasn't an agreement. You know, at the beginning, then in this case, there will be considered actually his fault. What aka Fortaleza, she doesn't do anything she's done, just released the makeup that day.
But if she was in agreement, or even anonymously, even if she initiated the request, he wants to put him in trouble Johnny basically. And he then he agreed, and then they were intimate with each other. That's when the Roma they default on this masala, the Jim hood, the Hanafi is the medic is and the humble is some of the humbleness they say. It's actually on both of them. The husband has a camera to take care of and the wife has afforded to take off the care of the Sharpies. And some of the handles as well. They say Actually, it's still the the fault of the man no matter what. Therefore the lady she has not she doesn't have to worry about the kafala at all. And I'm honestly inclined to
this opinion, Chavez opinion on the mezzetta because of the Hadith and abyssal la soleimani. When the man came to him, and he asked about the kafala, the prophet SAW Selim, he addressed the kafala to the man, it says, okay, you do something. And he didn't say anything for the woman. So therefore, I'm going to show him a lot that I said, he says, this is a position when if there was a need to express that hoekman that ruling should have been done in that time. But since the Prophet saws remain silent on the ruling in regard to the woman, that means she's not included in the photo and therefore a lot of time she actually she doesn't have to do that. Now the last two points to show
before open for discussion and for a question shall a soldier is in regard to taken versus taking shower. Now. If the husband wife, they became intimate at night, and then they overslept all the way until February started, and they wake up June right now, doesn't mean that they're valid, fast Ramadan. The answer is no, they haven't. So what do they do in this case?
Just wake up, take a shower prefecture and just start your day. That's okay. There's nothing wrong with that. That means you don't have to take shower immediately right, you know, after having intimacy, and you don't have to rush into that. As long as of course, obviously the intimacy itself happened in the night. And if they wake up after fudger they should be fine. In short, a lot of work overtime. Actually, one time. The two words is there any scenarios regarding this issue? Ramadan happened when somebody asked me a weird question. It goes, Chef, is it harder to break your fast with intimacy?
Like, you can't break your fast with water over date first. And then do whatever you want to do afterwards. No, is it helpful to break professional intimacy? I mean, honestly, in terms of halal haram I couldn't sell anything I said you know what, just it's okay if something goes down because everything becomes hot, but yeah, at least premarital.
Whatever so yes, it is actually But please, even though it's it's a question someone asked I hope he was joking about it, but I don't know really was being serious. And that's the first thing the second thing somehow that was very weird and interesting. is one time I gave a talk on Ramadan. The same rulings of ramadan ramadan so this one the discussion we talked about is what is permissible between a husband wife so I said that it's okay for husband wife to be intimate during the night of Ramadan. And I wasn't talking about the last 10 nights of Ramadan I was talking about in general. Now a brother in the crowd he calls me out he says chef did Could you repeat that again? I'm like
what, which one? Which party says you said that it's okay for a husband wife to be intimate during the night of Ramadan? I said yes. Because Where is that exactly? What did you get that from the Quran in Surah Al Baqarah said the ayah for him and you could tell on his face the disappointment journey
he came to be the guy who was actually in his late 40s probably and he comes to me he goes oh my god all these years
a lot of skin Hey tada Ramadan is basically like a dry season. So therefore, there is no intimacy Ramadan at all during the day and during the night and then he says he suggested that he wasn't actually for more community the time he goes you have to come and visit us in such and such city you need to talk to the people educate the people, I think it was talking about his wife probably, but the thing is that some people they have these myths and misconceptions about the month of Ramadan, the month of Ramadan does not actually does not change the way we we we become humans no matter of fact it enhances the quality of becoming humans and if a husband wife they need to maintain a
healthy atmosphere or Milan at home please make sure to include you know that kind of you know intimate connection with each other in the in the reasonable way and in the healthiest way inshallah with a particular data. Remember, Paula that's that's a natural thing. It's a natural fit for another reason which is basically like an instinct the last fight instilled in us and it's okay to fulfill that in the Hillel webinar later autodialer again, as long as it's it's a very reasonable way and very reasonable time. Ramadan is a busy month have had a lot of people they get tired, exhausted, busy with a bad and so forth. So balancing Allah subhanho wa Taala give you the best in
the month of Ramadan and after Ramadan or Brahmin dogma.
So we start the show with the questions with the nozzle and start with Chef Omar if you guys have any questions
So summarize if he answers lecture for the last 20 minutes you don't want to mess up a normal man. Man or woman and woman lawns not dry season. No.
There's a actually I remember reading rewi I'm not gonna say which one of those will have I'm not sure he came across a one of the Sahaba who actually broke his fast with intimacy they believe it or not, so there's actually why this one I had to
I had to look it up. And you know a lot of people want to break their fast with cigarettes. I got the question one time Is it hard to break your fast with cigarettes? Yeah, I got that too, as well. So what's the answer? No. Quit smoking.
That's the best time to quit smoking.
Any questions Mr. Miller
Na so the question is basically since our our Deen is a dino prevention basically so therefore the prophets Allah Sam according to Ayesha Telangana, he said yes he used to kiss he used to be very affectionate with a spouse Well, I can can unlock a little bit, but it still is in control of themselves. So that means, you know what, you might not be like the Prophet sallallahu Sallam so is it should should we say this is exclusively for the prophets of Allah set up to be permissible to do so? Or should we say, you know, it is also allowed for us to do it, even though it might risk you know, breaking down the limits, and and falling into the heroin. I would say once again, Portman
harana. Janata La La, la vida, how can we make the halal haram for the people in this regard? And people they know the limits and people's palate, they have different abilities, capacities. I cannot say it's haram and the Sahaba. They practice that even above us in the statement of the law. What do you when he was asked by this young man who was newlywed? He said, Can I kiss her? Can I touch her? Can I be you know, gonna hug her? And so she said, yeah, if you can control yourself go for it. So it is it is depends on a person's journey man and Dean and capability of controlling himself. If they cannot, then they better stay away from each other, but staying away from it is a thing. Then
our women each other between husband wife, that doesn't mean you guys you turn it on is so rude with each other, or so extremely formal with each other sermonic.
You don't look at each other.
Why not? azima you need to act normal shallow data with a lot of affection. And that's what I mean.
There's not another
la la la la la la la la la voz del Hema, I have a bit of a bit of dhamaka data, if you look at the time was different back then. And now we're in different times. So it would be it should be more, you know, the only careful I would say no, the fitness greater for us today. So you should actually make it easier for people. But as long as people do not cross the limit, and the heartbeat of America became to the Prophet sallallahu sallam, and he felt guilty. in Ramadan, he feels extremely guilty. And the professor said, What's wrong with you?
And I feel so guilty because I got excited, and I kissed my wife in Ramadan. And the prophet SAW Sam says, Do you do rinse your mouth when you make a call of Allah? That's the same thing. Which means it said it's it's it's not that basically, rinsing your mouth and will do doesn't break your fast. Well, what does breaker fast if the water goes in, if you deliberately get the water into down the throat, basically to the stomach. So that's when you break the fast. Similarly, if someone gets excited, because the why, for example, in the month of Ramadan, that's not what breaks the fast. That's what the professor intelligence does. Now what breaks the law? So I don't want to make it
difficult for the people. But people don't add your address. That's all you can say. No.
I have no comments. No. Yes.
So the question is, basically, is it? By the way, I know if we have any online questions, or how can you check or the we don't have any questions yet from online? Okay. So the question is, if someone is already at work, let's move on work in hospital and then you have a very busy schedule, and it's already time for a stop. Is it wrong to delay breaking your fast until the most convenient time and so forth? The answer to this is the son of the prophet SAW Selim is the Agile footer, which means the moment the time is measured, starts you break your fast. Now how do you break good fast in whichever is available for you a sip of water that's sufficient. So breaking the fat doesn't have to
be you know, sitting down for a meal. Now just a sip of water, that should be fine and good. Unless of course, you're already engaged in taking care of patients who deal with somebody else or something like that. You have to wait. The chef is by the way, they make an interesting observation. If you want to break through fast with the intention, put your finger in your mouth and pull it back. Because that breaks the fast it's a technical thing. I don't think it's the real breaks the fast in that sense, but they say at least if you have the intention that you break in your fast and that instant, you should be fine and shallow. Who done well on now? Yes.
the questions about nicotine patch and people would like to quit smoking, for example, is that is that break their fast or not? The answer, actually, it's contemporary scholars that discussed that there's something new right now. So the contemporary scholars have discussed that and the debate is usually if it's something nutritious or not, that's number one. Number two, if that leads to the cavity of what not a cabinet basically, if it goes actually into the job, which means, you know, the inside the body, not just the bloodstream. So therefore, they look into that, from that perspective, nicotine patches, basically, it's not nutritious no matter what.
So therefore, the remedies say it's actually permissible, it's okay. It's okay. Even similar to that if someone has asthma, for example. And they need to have spray in their mouth, for instance, although there are a lot of debate over this, if that concern will filter out or not some automatic, if you're going to have to use it, then don't fuss at all. Because fat might be unhealthy for you. Well, that's not for the puppies to answer, the doctor should answer this. If fast, it would hurt you or not. But if you fast, it should be okay, that spray is considered okay. And shouldn't wouldn't break the fast and shallow water. Just add to this sort of a rule to understand. It's one
that's very helpful, I think, from filk. A mama Sinani he talked about, he said, What breaks the fastest. So the three things that break the fast that everyone knows or what?
Eating drinking intimacy, right? So the way that he framed it from from, you know, as far as how the rulings operate within two spaces, he said anything that resembles one of those things, either in method or an end result. So what does that mean? It's how long to eat a Kleenex box, even though eating a Kleenex box is not going to nourish you whatsoever. All right, because it resembles the act of eating and goes through the process of eating. So it falls in that category. On the second side, it resembles the end result. So if you took something if you took a nutritious IV, and it had the end result of nourishment, nutrition, then it also breaks your fast that falls in that second
category and faulty on so that's the easiest way to understand even though obviously for your specific issue to ask, but usually, that's how everything is going to be classified. And one of those two things, the same thing is true for matters of intimacy. Right. So what's the does? Does it resemble and method? Or does it have the same end results? If it has one of those two things, then it's going to fall in the category of that which breaks the fast
Yeah, and hell, so that's why most there's contempt the contemporary debates are always on these things. But so inhalers are fine because they they're not nutritious, according to most modern shopping bodies.
Okay, so is that a lot of activity affect questions? Are we receiving a lot of fat questions from online as well? These are questions we get we're going to answer them next week in Charlotte. Next week's session is Ramadan matters we have our guest speaker is going to be shallow dialogue among us from from Plano so that's going to be the discussion over the fifth of Ramadan and the fifth of fasting so if you have any question related to the subject of you know making up the days a pregnant women fasting using for example insulin all that stuff and so on we're gonna be covering that topic next week inshallah same time but in light of Baraka but for now if you guys have any question about
husband, wife, family atmosphere, any of these rulings inshallah we still have about three more minutes before we take before finished inshallah Yes.
That's that's not at work. That's, that's home atmosphere. So there's there's spiritually
spiritually nullifying the fast and then technically nullifying the fast meaning spiritually. You know, the prophets lie. Some of them he said that, you know, that Allah has no need of a person leaving off food and drink if they don't leave, leave off idle speech and foolish speech and some, you know, the bad manners basically, because the point of forbidding yourself from things that are ordinarily permissible is that you're more conscious about things that are always prohibited. So if that consciousness is not being built through abandoning permissible things, then then you know, obviously, it's defeating the purpose of the fast so it's, so if you have a curse word slipped, or
you hufton puff, it's not Well, it depends on not not huffing and puffing in terms of drugs, right huffing and puffing in terms
then that's not going to technically nullify the fast, right? It's just something for you to pay closer attention to and to have greater resolve. With going forward.
Any questions? No one has questions about the balloons.
Question, what about formatting? So the question is, we said that the it's better to break your fast once the matter of time begins. So what about them? So the one that does kind of more than break the fast before calling the other, or should he break his fast articles, actually, the more than can break the fast before he calls them. And if you're in the message, and you see them out, then or drinking his water, or even eating his data, this means that you can eat as well, you don't have to wait for the other, just make sure he's more than right.
because the water is actually the the fast is done when the sun goes down. It's not because of the event. Somehow, some people are sensitive to this issue. Some people became so dependent on technology, that they don't watch the sun and they don't, they can't calculate actually, that fasting is about the sun going below the horizon. So they go by the watch, they go by the calendar, they go by whatever actually they watch online and so on. So one time we were traveling for Amara, back in the day we used to live in Kuwait. So we were traveling for Oman and we were all fasting during the month of Ramadan obviously so we stopped at the at the borders, so we can you know, get
everything done and before we move into the country, so we just wanted to break our fast so we prepared everything we're waiting for Panama the people next to us, you know from a distance from services they were turning the radio on the radio station from the Capitol it's about two hours drive away from them and they're on the radio they announced basically the time for a done and they start calling the other the people next was the start breaking their fast and eating will lie the entire disk of the Sun is still above their head like this
in the horizon the entire Sun is above their head just like that still made about maybe maybe 810 minutes probably before it actually disappears completely and this without breaking them fast by the time we went to go and tell them where they are or the martial law with their coffee drink in the world and all this stuff and so on. So people they become completely disconnected from the so we're going to talk about the initial Aldana to next week when the last soldier but yes, the more than can break the fast before calling the add on. And even yourself if you were driving let's say at home from work and then you didn't get you would reach you know before your mother of came in while
you're still driving. If you know that it's already time for mother of this Milan breakthrough fast
before that before the other after the other after the other anime. Honestly, I don't know. I have to look it up. The question is that was there any reports from the sooner the more the news to break the fast before polling data after polling data? I'm not really sure I literally shut down. Zack molosser varkala decom summary