Yahya Ibrahim – Inner Light – Self-Esteem & Self Compassion

			Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh it's your brother you have Rahim, I'm honored to share
with you a few thoughts on, you know, relationships and the effect that can be had on them with a
lack of self esteem and self compassion, self love. These are really important concepts that I think
are at times not self intuitive. They're not things that we're taught, as young people, some kind of
law. And it's not something that as Muslims, I can, I can say that within our culture, that it's
taught to us unless we're actually privileged to have had mentors and teachers and intuitive
parents, who have actually cultured us cultured within us a desire of empowerment, of attention to
		

			detail, and of self preservation and self protection. So usually, what we find is that in a lot of
our cultural backgrounds, we find that there's a lot of parents who want to do things for us. And
one of the things that I always say that a times one of the bigger problems for marriages is that a
sister marry someone who all of a sudden she discovers is a mama's boy, what do I mean by that all
of us, we love our mothers and come to love women. But some of us we've been ruined by our mothers
culturally ruined by mothers, our mother fussed over us cooked for us clean for us laundered for us
did our bed cleaned up after us. And even as young people, you know, your mom would say, Go clean
		

			your room, you didn't clean clean your room, you went to school, you came back, it was clean for
you. And that all reinforced this fact that somebody was going to do it for you. And you were never
really taught to kind of have to do things on your own. But more worryingly is that some of our
parents, they took it upon themselves to be our advocates, and to speak about everything. So I was
reading this study where it said, you know, some of the children that are more likely to succeed in
life and hold managerial and leadership positions, are those whose parents allowed them to represent
themselves. So examples of that, for example, you went to the doctor, you're eight years old, and
		

			the doctor says, Okay, so what's wrong? And your mom immediately interjects or your daddy mean,
Leandra? Well, Doctor, you know, this child letter that or that or that, and he didn't get to say
anything you didn't say about what you felt where the pain was? And even when the doctor says, okay,
Where does it hurt your mom points? She goes, it's right here, right? And you know, Subhanallah,
that's a huge disadvantage for a lot of the future interactions that you will have later on in life,
because you always expect that people will just know somebody who's going to talk about it,
somebody, how come they don't know, and especially for our sisters, you know, so just like, you
		

			don't want to marry the mama's boy, you don't want to beat find yourself involved in a relationship
with somebody who's lost their voice, they've never learned to speak on their own, to describe in
their own. So what's wrong?
		

			Why don't you know, shouldn't you know, somebody should have told you somehow you should know. And
those kind of things are really deep rooted in deep seated. So let's undo some of that. And we want
to undo it with the sooner now I know there's behavioral therapy, and all these other things that
you're going to hear from our wonderful, wonderful team and contributors. But I want to talk to you
about the sin of the prophets and the prophets. I said them he says in the authentic hadith.
		

			Now, you may know how to come You can't truly believe until you love for other people what you had
that you hate Bodie, if he may have been an MC, which means that the premise of giving to others,
loving for others, sharing for others, hoping for others, you know, assisting others comes also from
a very important, self centered perspective, that I know what I would want you to do for me, so I'm
willing to do it for you, that I know how I want you to speak to me. So that's why I speak to you in
that way. I know what I'm expecting of you. So this is and this is what would empower me and make me
feel good and give me what I want in life. So that's why I'm going to represent it and give it to
		

			you in that same sense. And therefore you love for others, the things that first you've identified,
learn for yourself, that these are things that are important for me, and that becomes a very, very
important battle ground within your own soul. You know, most of us we kind of tried to look at a
relationship from the eyes of the other. You know, my husband, my wife, she's she said this, she did
that she didn't say this. She didn't do that. They didn't do this. They they weren't attentive, they
weren't. And we kind of forget way Hold on a second, well, what am I obligated for? What is it that
I must do for myself? And therefore self esteem becomes a really very, very important first step.
		

			What do you value about yourself? And how do you project that to others? And what are the things
that are valuable in you that you've overlooked that other people see in you but because you haven't
valued them? They take it for granted because guess what you taught them to take it for granted. You
have overlooked it. You haven't given any emphasis any import any any any any question?
		

			sequence to it. So why would anybody else put it on a degree of importance when you yourself have
backed away from it you yourself have not prioritized it. And that becomes an important
psychological, spiritually psychological first step to love for yourself. So panela to love
yourself. And notice when the prophets I send them he says, You will not truly believe until I am
more loved to you than you love your own soul than your love your own self. So Pamela because we
always hear the thing Oh, you shouldn't be self centered. You shouldn't you know, you should always
put yourself last. That's not true. That is not true. Subhana love Allah He it is not true. If the
		

			prophets I send him put himself last Why does a lot put him first? Why does the law say to him so
the law it was Solomon sort of a Zoomer called in the mirror to an akuna mirror to be an akuna al
Williams I mean, I've been the first to show that I'm a submitter. I'm the most who is going to
worship Allah subhanaw taala I'm the most who's going to pick up a shield and sword and defend the
truth. He never stood at the back, he never stood at the end, he was always in the front. Why?
Because doing is more important than just simply feeling. It's not it's more important than just
simply thinking you got to walk holy Malou get into action. And therefore self esteem is predicated
		

			on you valuing for yourself, itemizing for yourself, a place within your home, a place within your
family plays within your community, a place within your culture, place within your workplace, a
place within your educational institute, a place within your friends that I know what I'm worth, I
know what is important to me, I know what I am worthy of, and when it is not met, when it is not
provided maliciously, I'm talking maliciously, sometimes it's unintentional, but maliciously that
somebody knows my value, and they dishonor me with that I will not accept it. Allah subhanaw taala
doesn't accept it for me, for our children who get up and leave. I'm not going to accept it. It
		

			doesn't mean I'm going to respond with hostility with anger with vulgarity or demand what is in my
right but I will not accept I will not accept to be demeaned. And once you have that assertive
persona, once your self esteem is guaranteed from a theological from in your heart relationship with
Allah, Allah says, Well, I've come to run navety Adam, I have made tech cream, honor nobility of the
children of Adam. Well, I'm and now I'm the one that carries them on land in the sea, nobody else
carries you. Nobody else owns you. The rule number one is you are a slave but to who to Allah,
		

			not to yourself. It's not self centeredness out of vanity out of self pride, it is self
centeredness, in balance and in harmony with the towhid of Allah that Allah the holder, whatever, I
have no ability to move return except that which has been provided. But when I do have that ability
and movement, I move in what in the light and the guidance that Allah has sent an intended for me.
So self esteem becomes a really, really important place to begin. And it's something that you need
to begin to cultivate for yourself in your home and your wife and your children, your husband, your
family. And it's something you should be very intuitive in. So when, you know your teacher calls in,
		

			the teacher calls you in for a meeting for your children. And she says, look, we need to speak
about, you know, admins work, and the teacher, you know, some some of us as parents, we don't want
our child to be there, you know, I want to speak freely. I you know, I don't want to be traumatized.
But hold on a second, the teacher is going to give you a report and it's important to verify it yes
or no and to provide context and to hear from your son in the presence of their teacher and allow
them to have a voice and your teacher is going to say certain things if you don't feel it right, let
her know let him know. Speak up. And my job is to I will support you I will not let you down and
		

			some kind of law this was something that my father My mother and to handle on my teachers were
incredible at and you know, yesterday, before sunset I received a lot he will lie he will lie he
devastating news to my heart that one of my most beloved and main teachers who I studied the deen
with, who wrote me a letter in way back in the year 14 1400, which is 1992 I was 1516 years old. And
this is when I first met a Sherif Ali Hassan Ali Abdel Hamid Al halabi, Rama to La La will have you
will have Alana hatanaka who may Allah protect us until we see him when alcohol held the religion
that the reason the law that we get to drink from the house of the prophets is element and meet him
		

			in gender culture, those with the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, what are honorable men and
one of the things that he taught me most panela me
		

			Cuz we live through, you know, the early 90s and the late 90s were an incredible time, there was so
much fitna in the Muslim world with, you know, with the Iraq War, the first Iraq war and second era,
all this kind of stuff that was happening. And all of these fit and that were happening in the Gulf
region. And, you know, it was it was such an incredible time. And I remember, you know, there was
this one occasion, where, you know, I was a young guy, some kind of law, and I was, as much as I
looked up to the chef, the chef would foster that care for me. And he would say to the brothers fly
him out, I want only yet to be my translator, I'd be his translator in London, all over different
		

			parts of the world. And I was like, 1617 years old, 18 years old, that's where I first began to
taste, the thirst of knowledge. That's what allows me some kind of love to stand in front of you
here today. 28 years later, he was the first one to write me a letter to say, allow the student to
learn and benefit and 10 year classes and so on to other higher scholars and teachers that I wanted
to sit and meet. And one of the most profound lessons I ever learned from the show, I can tell you
about, you know, he wrote 150 books, I could tell you that he was a master researcher, I could tell
you of the hundreds and 1000s of hours of lectures that he gave, I can tell you that I've translated
		

			at least, maybe what, close two to 300 hours of just books and tapes within, you know, verbatim just
lecturing along with them and translating with them. Just just myself, I could tell you 10s of 1000s
of hours of, you know, books of how to lie, he was in the top secret of the hole and and he was
through 280 sessions. And he was just I think grounding sort of fell out off. Right, you know, a
phenomenal, phenomenal contributor and I one of the chief students of a chef and alvanley
Rahmatullah Holly.
		

			But one of the most profound lessons wasn't anything in the books, was it any Hadeeth, or any any
jobs that I received from him? It was the simple fact. Don't let someone say something to you, or to
others about you and leave it unchallenged, at least go on the record and say, true or not true.
Don't, you know, a summed, he, you know, in, in our faith, to be quiet after hearing what was said
is a sign that you've accepted it, right? It's important, you know, it's important for you to at
times challenging, even if it's just with disapproval, and say, This is something that I need to
speak with you about later, or I don't agree with this. And I'm not going to voice it now. But don't
		

			leave it unchallenged. And so Pamela, when things happened in my life, where I had people write
something not true. I always learned that lesson from to be polite, but to hold yourself to take,
take your self esteem into account, take your reputation into account, and don't just ignore it. And
that's why Allah says in that cafe, Nicholas dazeem, to the professor, I send them the Prophet
didn't just back away a lot would defend him that they are careful not to fudge or they are the ones
who have disbelieved. They are the ones who are deniers of true they are the Allah would defend the
prophets, I seller, but it always went challenged, it always went down. And in life, even with your
		

			family, sometimes conflict is important sometimes to hold it in and just say, Oh, I'm just going to
ignore it is not going to be healthy in the long term. And in the long run. The second part after
self esteem is self compassion. To feel for yourself pain, is to know that you're alive to feel when
it hurts to feel when something was not right, is something that will give you greater happiness as
you move forward in life. Do not assume that the pain will go away. If you don't do anything about
it, you must act and you must move towards that which will give you happiness, clarity,
satisfaction, ease and comfort. And before you can give mercy to others, you must give mercy to
		

			yourself. And before you give mercy to those who live with you expecting the mercy of Allah, you
must learn to forgive yourself. So candlelight, you said something that you shouldn't have said to
your wife. You made a mistake, and you've apologized for it and you've apologized to her for but
have you apologized to yourself? Have you dusted yourself often gotten up and said that Aloma chef
and when the * no enough with a levy law and may do and meets a lot to tell but what's the
purpose of salata Tov is just not asking a lot. It's demonstrating to yourself that I've turned the
corner I've turned the page, I've wiped away my scenes, that the Prophet tells us that when you make
		

			will do as the water comes, you know so panela as the water comes off your your wrist your hands,
even from underneath your fingernails, the prophets, I seldom said your sins, draw from it from your
eyelashes and the hadith of Buddha would hasn't had Eve from your hair, the beads of water, they
fall off it from your beard. Why do we have this as a theology and a teaching in Islam so that you
don't beat yourself down? You don't hold yourself to contempt. You don't you know, keep Reek.
		

			You know, reliving the pain of it, and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, he was masterful in
this in allowing people a simple token and gesture to change a massive sin that they have done.
prophets I seldom would say to a man who came to Mrs. merrigan, though so here he said, O Messenger
of Allah, I was cavorting with a woman I was kissing a woman she's not my wife. And the man you
know, the prophet said to make a good will do and pray Adam to Salima, didn't you just pray with
him? He said, Yes. He said, Allah would like if you may tell it to a lot and you were sincere, and
you prayed this Sadat asking a lot for a lot for giving you you don't need my blessing. You don't
		

			need anyone else. You just need to be sincere between you and Allah, having self compassion, have
mercy for yourself. Having mercy for your family, begins with being able to forgive yourself, being
able to look yourself in the mirror, recognize the faults, do the best you can to fix them and keep
getting up after you fall. And that's why Allah subhanaw taala gives us so much hope in the Quran.
He says you've been through law who say yeah, Tim has said that and sort of around Allah changes
their evil deeds into good deeds converts your sins into good deeds. Men tab Oh am no I'm gonna
follow the one who repents and believes and does righteous deeds in its place, tab mean stops and
		

			regrets and renews their faith and commitment that I won't do this again. Well, I mean, asylee had
pledges it through do good deeds that are different to the bad deeds that they did. helaas a lot
changes a lot removes it a lot changes the balance and gives you better than what you see. And I
pray that Allah subhana wa tada opens my heart and your heart, to forgiving ourselves, to learning
to have compassion for each other, to learning to have love for Allah and the student of the
prophets. I send them to empower our children with the psychology of redemption and psychology of
repentance. It's important that you learn to confront yourself, to learn to control yourself, and to
		

			learn to give from yourself and sacrifice of yourself. That's the three essential steps to becoming
a person who can redeem themselves, confront yourself know what you did is wrong. Don't don't don't
make excuses, unconditionally. No excuses. I've confronted myself I've taken a count of myself
taking stock of myself, I know when I'm wrong, and I'm wrong is now and I'm going to make a change
number to practice self control build that eroded that strength where you push back and say, No, I'm
not going to pull parry through that. I'm going to stop watching this I'm going to not be in that
company. I'm not going to buy yourself or trade or do the things that I know aren't wrong. And
		

			number three sacrifice How do you make it up is that you help others you move towards fulfilling
other people's needs other people's assistance in your life and I pray that Allah subhanaw taala
lights my way and your way and assists us to that regard. Well suddenly left Mozilla Mozilla galaxy
Now have you been known Amina Mohammed sallallahu alayhi wa daily was sending him to Sleeman kathira
was Solomonic multiply what I got