Waleed Basyouni – What Islamic Advice Should Professionals Give to Abused Women Seeking Divorce – Ask The Imam

AI: Summary ©
The speakers discuss various cases related to abuse and divorce, including abusive relationships and the importance of peacefully handling these cases. They stress the need for legal reasons and a dowry or a dash to return a woman to her former partner. They also address the idea of general bias towards Islam and its potential consequences. The legal system for divorce is emphasized, and attendees are advised to take legal steps and bring a peaceful end to their relationships.
AI: Summary ©
Assalamu alaikum sheikh, we have a question from
a professional counselor.
She says that she meets quite a few
Muslim women who are in abusive relationships and
they're really suffering in these relationships and she
counseled to them.
But the thing is that a lot of
them want to get out of the, like
to get a divorce.
And the only way for them to get
a divorce is through hula, because they're requesting
it, which requires that they have to be
financially able to do that or return the
dowry or the mahr to the husband as
predicated by the hula procedure.
So what if they don't have that?
What if the thing is, it's the man's
problem that he's causing all that abuse, he's
causing all the hardship on the wife, and
that's why they're seeing a counselor.
So is there a way out for them?
What is the best way for them to
solve the issue of divorce if they want
to seek a divorce?
Bismillah alhamdulillah, salatu salam wa rasool Allah wa
ala alihi wa sahbihi wa man walahu wa
a'ad.
I ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to
make it easy for everybody who's suffering and
to make those who are suffering in their
marriages, to bring comfort and to soothe their
heart and to bring peace and tranquility and
love to the homes of our community and
every couple who are married.
Allahumma ameen.
As for the relationship between the husband and
wife can be terminated, the marriage can be
terminated by different ways.
First one, obvious death will terminate the marriage.
We're not recommending that.
You mean natural death.
Natural death.
You're just being technical.
That's a good one.
And the second thing will be, so the
first one, one of them died naturally.
And the second thing will be, if the
marriage can be terminated from the husband's side,
and we call that divorce.
Right.
Okay, so he divorced his wife based on
her request or he decided to divorce her.
Another way to terminate the marriage is basically
when the wife say, you know, I don't
want to live with this person.
And when they feel like they cannot, you
know, fulfill the rights, they cannot fulfill the
rights of marriage, there is no harm on
them.
So she will, there is no harm upon
them if they agree that she will pay
him something in return for the divorce, which
is we call this khul.
Khul, yes.
And it also came in the Hadith of
Nabi Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam and Bukhari and others.
And when she came to the Prophet Sallallahu
Alaihi Wasallam and said, I have nothing to
criticize this man with, his manner, his deen,
his everything, but I just can't marry him.
I can't, I can't.
She didn't like his look actually.
And she said, I don't want to be
with him.
Then he said, khalas, just give him his
mahr back, which is the hadiqah, he gave
her like a farm, give it back to
her and he divorced her.
And basically he made the khul based on
that, iwat, which is she returned back the
mahr or any amount of money that they
agreed upon.
We always recommend that it should be the
mahr that given to be returned back.
And so that's the second one.
So there's no abuse, nothing.
She just doesn't want to live with the
person.
The third one, when the marriage terminated by
a third entity, where a person of authority
comes and in the general case, it's the
imam or the judge, not the imam of
the masjid, the judge or the wali, the
governor or the government in modern days like
the court.
And this is about Muslim court, Muslim judge,
would come and say, you know what, I
terminate this marriage.
And this can be terminated for several reasons.
But one of the reasons that is relevant
to hear is when he sees there's an
abuse.
Like part of the abuse, let's say the
husband disappeared or said, well, I'm not going
to touch you.
And he stayed like four months and 10
days, never showed up, doesn't want to touch
her, doesn't want to go there.
He just want to leave her.
After that, the judge can come and say,
I divorce you from him.
He likes it.
He doesn't like it.
He agree.
He doesn't agree.
It doesn't really matter at this point.
You see?
So if there is an abuse like some
of these cases and she goes and prove
that, that is there is abuse, she doesn't
need to do khul.
Actually a divorce will be enforced in this
case.
And if the divorce is enforced in this
case, all her financial rights are protected.
So a lot of people don't understand that,
that they think that, you know, there is
an ultimate power for the man or for
the husband.
That's not true.
You can't force someone to live with you.
You can't force someone into marriage, you know,
and if someone is abusing, that's a ground
for divorce, enforcing divorce.
And you go to a person of knowledge,
a person of authority to do that while
you're also taking the legal system.
If we found that the life between these
two individuals, it's become not possible.
And he refusing to divorce, we will enforce
the divorce over him.
It's not his choice.
And I want to make sure that everybody
understand this.
There is no ultimate power here.
Sharia give you a lot of power as
a husband, but not unchecked power.
Not there is no ultimate, like have no
ceiling for it.
No, there is.
And anyone abuse his power, lose it.
Right.
And when there is abuse here of your
power, you lose it.
So as a counselor, you have to understand
these three.
So in this case, I advise that they
go to an imam or an arbitrator and
start doing the legal steps and come to
an end.
And please, let's bring our marriages, if it's
come to an end, let's bring it to
end in peaceful way.
Right.
Allah said, فَعَاشِرُهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ Live with them in
goodness.
And when he talk about, فَتَسْرِيحٌ بِإِحْسَانٍ You
let her go with gracious, to be gracious,
to be even more kind.
There's no need for nasty divorce.
There's no need for being nasty to each
other.
Just move on.
I know it hurts.
I know you're angry.
I know there is a lot of things
bad happen between you and him or her.
But you know what?
Just let it go.
Now, if you have kids, that should be
your main focus, to take care of the
kids.
And because you're going to be connected to
each other for the rest of your life.
Don't forget.
وَلَا تَنْسَوْا الْفَضْلَ بَيْنَكُمْ Don't forget about the
good things between you.
Exactly.
And there's no need for us to turn
it to be nasty.
Because it's only hurt you both and hurt
the children the most.
Just bring it to an end peacefully and
everybody move in his life.
And if you couldn't agree on something, Alhamdulillah,
choose an arbitrator.
Go to a Muslim Imam or a leader
to help you to come to a conclusion
that will please everybody.
And when divorce happen, it's not an opportunity
for you to be to, oh, I'm going
to make money out of him or out
of her.
That's not how it is.
You know, it's basically, I'm now want to
move on to my life.
And a lot of people think also that
I had a case, Sheikh, a long time
ago of a person did not choose the
court.
He said, I want an Islamic arbitration.
So can I see tons of these cases,
as you know.
So they came to me and I said,
okay, so Islamically, that's what you have to
do.
He said, no, I'm going to go back
to court.
Courts is cheaper.
When I told him what Islamically is responsible
for, he said, no, the court offer me
way less.
He was thinking that Islam is like, you
know, I'm going to give her like a
couple thousand dollars and let her go.
And when he found that this is a
lot of responsibility, financial responsibility, Islamically, he told
me, no, I don't want to.
And subhanAllah, the judge said, no, you chose
the Islamic arbitration, you go with the Islamic
arbitration.
And she forced that on him.
So it is sad, like when people think
of like Islamic laws, it's a bias, it's
not on the side of the woman.
That's not true.
You know, it's not, Allah subhanahu wa ta
'ala does not favor anyone based on his
gender or that person's gender or anything.
No, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala have put
responsibilities and made financial responsibility based on a
great wisdom.
These rules are, there is a wisdom behind
it.
There's a reasoning behind it.
It's not due to male, female or Allah
subhanahu wa ta'ala bias to men or
women.
That's not, audhubillah.
That's not the case.
And if you think that, that's kufr, that's
just thinking evil or bad of Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala being biased.
And that's absolutely not true.
Yes, I agree.
Sometimes the culture, the practice of some people,
even some people might be associated with the
knowledge, with the religion, might be biased, might
be affected by culture.
But I'm talking about purely looking at what
our deen said, what our religion said.
And if it does not go in your
favor, it doesn't mean it's bad.
There is a greater wisdom.
Shari'ah look at the big picture, not
to the micro one, which is your own
personal interest in this case.
I hope this explain and help people who
are sadist cults.
Barak Allah feek, Shaykh.
Ayyakum shalom.