Waleed Basyouni – What Islamic Advice Should Professionals Give to Abused Women Seeking Divorce – Ask The Imam

Waleed Basyouni
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The speakers discuss various cases related to abuse and divorce, including abusive relationships and the importance of peacefully handling these cases. They stress the need for legal reasons and a dowry or a dash to return a woman to her former partner. They also address the idea of general bias towards Islam and its potential consequences. The legal system for divorce is emphasized, and attendees are advised to take legal steps and bring a peaceful end to their relationships.

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			Assalamu alaikum sheikh, we have a question from
		
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			a professional counselor.
		
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			She says that she meets quite a few
		
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			Muslim women who are in abusive relationships and
		
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			they're really suffering in these relationships and she
		
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			counseled to them.
		
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			But the thing is that a lot of
		
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			them want to get out of the, like
		
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			to get a divorce.
		
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			And the only way for them to get
		
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			a divorce is through hula, because they're requesting
		
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			it, which requires that they have to be
		
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			financially able to do that or return the
		
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			dowry or the mahr to the husband as
		
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			predicated by the hula procedure.
		
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			So what if they don't have that?
		
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			What if the thing is, it's the man's
		
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			problem that he's causing all that abuse, he's
		
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			causing all the hardship on the wife, and
		
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			that's why they're seeing a counselor.
		
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			So is there a way out for them?
		
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			What is the best way for them to
		
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			solve the issue of divorce if they want
		
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			to seek a divorce?
		
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			Bismillah alhamdulillah, salatu salam wa rasool Allah wa
		
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			ala alihi wa sahbihi wa man walahu wa
		
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			a'ad.
		
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			I ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to
		
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			make it easy for everybody who's suffering and
		
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			to make those who are suffering in their
		
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			marriages, to bring comfort and to soothe their
		
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			heart and to bring peace and tranquility and
		
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			love to the homes of our community and
		
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			every couple who are married.
		
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			Allahumma ameen.
		
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			As for the relationship between the husband and
		
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			wife can be terminated, the marriage can be
		
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			terminated by different ways.
		
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			First one, obvious death will terminate the marriage.
		
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			We're not recommending that.
		
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			You mean natural death.
		
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			Natural death.
		
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			You're just being technical.
		
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			That's a good one.
		
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			And the second thing will be, so the
		
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			first one, one of them died naturally.
		
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			And the second thing will be, if the
		
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			marriage can be terminated from the husband's side,
		
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			and we call that divorce.
		
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			Right.
		
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			Okay, so he divorced his wife based on
		
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			her request or he decided to divorce her.
		
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			Another way to terminate the marriage is basically
		
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			when the wife say, you know, I don't
		
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			want to live with this person.
		
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			And when they feel like they cannot, you
		
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			know, fulfill the rights, they cannot fulfill the
		
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			rights of marriage, there is no harm on
		
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			them.
		
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			So she will, there is no harm upon
		
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			them if they agree that she will pay
		
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			him something in return for the divorce, which
		
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			is we call this khul.
		
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			Khul, yes.
		
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			And it also came in the Hadith of
		
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			Nabi Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam and Bukhari and others.
		
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			And when she came to the Prophet Sallallahu
		
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			Alaihi Wasallam and said, I have nothing to
		
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			criticize this man with, his manner, his deen,
		
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			his everything, but I just can't marry him.
		
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			I can't, I can't.
		
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			She didn't like his look actually.
		
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			And she said, I don't want to be
		
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			with him.
		
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			Then he said, khalas, just give him his
		
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			mahr back, which is the hadiqah, he gave
		
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			her like a farm, give it back to
		
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			her and he divorced her.
		
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			And basically he made the khul based on
		
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			that, iwat, which is she returned back the
		
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			mahr or any amount of money that they
		
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			agreed upon.
		
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			We always recommend that it should be the
		
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			mahr that given to be returned back.
		
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			And so that's the second one.
		
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			So there's no abuse, nothing.
		
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			She just doesn't want to live with the
		
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			person.
		
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			The third one, when the marriage terminated by
		
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			a third entity, where a person of authority
		
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			comes and in the general case, it's the
		
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			imam or the judge, not the imam of
		
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			the masjid, the judge or the wali, the
		
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			governor or the government in modern days like
		
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			the court.
		
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			And this is about Muslim court, Muslim judge,
		
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			would come and say, you know what, I
		
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			terminate this marriage.
		
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			And this can be terminated for several reasons.
		
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			But one of the reasons that is relevant
		
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			to hear is when he sees there's an
		
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			abuse.
		
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			Like part of the abuse, let's say the
		
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			husband disappeared or said, well, I'm not going
		
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			to touch you.
		
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			And he stayed like four months and 10
		
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			days, never showed up, doesn't want to touch
		
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			her, doesn't want to go there.
		
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			He just want to leave her.
		
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			After that, the judge can come and say,
		
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			I divorce you from him.
		
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			He likes it.
		
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			He doesn't like it.
		
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			He agree.
		
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			He doesn't agree.
		
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			It doesn't really matter at this point.
		
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			You see?
		
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			So if there is an abuse like some
		
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			of these cases and she goes and prove
		
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			that, that is there is abuse, she doesn't
		
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			need to do khul.
		
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			Actually a divorce will be enforced in this
		
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			case.
		
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			And if the divorce is enforced in this
		
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			case, all her financial rights are protected.
		
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			So a lot of people don't understand that,
		
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			that they think that, you know, there is
		
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			an ultimate power for the man or for
		
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			the husband.
		
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			That's not true.
		
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			You can't force someone to live with you.
		
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			You can't force someone into marriage, you know,
		
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			and if someone is abusing, that's a ground
		
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			for divorce, enforcing divorce.
		
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			And you go to a person of knowledge,
		
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			a person of authority to do that while
		
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			you're also taking the legal system.
		
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			If we found that the life between these
		
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			two individuals, it's become not possible.
		
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			And he refusing to divorce, we will enforce
		
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			the divorce over him.
		
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			It's not his choice.
		
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			And I want to make sure that everybody
		
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			understand this.
		
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			There is no ultimate power here.
		
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			Sharia give you a lot of power as
		
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			a husband, but not unchecked power.
		
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			Not there is no ultimate, like have no
		
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			ceiling for it.
		
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			No, there is.
		
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			And anyone abuse his power, lose it.
		
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			Right.
		
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			And when there is abuse here of your
		
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			power, you lose it.
		
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			So as a counselor, you have to understand
		
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			these three.
		
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			So in this case, I advise that they
		
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			go to an imam or an arbitrator and
		
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			start doing the legal steps and come to
		
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			an end.
		
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			And please, let's bring our marriages, if it's
		
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			come to an end, let's bring it to
		
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			end in peaceful way.
		
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			Right.
		
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			Allah said, فَعَاشِرُهُنَّ بِالْمَعْرُوفِ Live with them in
		
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			goodness.
		
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			And when he talk about, فَتَسْرِيحٌ بِإِحْسَانٍ You
		
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			let her go with gracious, to be gracious,
		
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			to be even more kind.
		
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			There's no need for nasty divorce.
		
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			There's no need for being nasty to each
		
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			other.
		
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			Just move on.
		
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			I know it hurts.
		
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			I know you're angry.
		
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			I know there is a lot of things
		
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			bad happen between you and him or her.
		
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			But you know what?
		
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			Just let it go.
		
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			Now, if you have kids, that should be
		
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			your main focus, to take care of the
		
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			kids.
		
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			And because you're going to be connected to
		
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			each other for the rest of your life.
		
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			Don't forget.
		
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			وَلَا تَنْسَوْا الْفَضْلَ بَيْنَكُمْ Don't forget about the
		
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			good things between you.
		
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			Exactly.
		
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			And there's no need for us to turn
		
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			it to be nasty.
		
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			Because it's only hurt you both and hurt
		
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			the children the most.
		
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			Just bring it to an end peacefully and
		
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			everybody move in his life.
		
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			And if you couldn't agree on something, Alhamdulillah,
		
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			choose an arbitrator.
		
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			Go to a Muslim Imam or a leader
		
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			to help you to come to a conclusion
		
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			that will please everybody.
		
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			And when divorce happen, it's not an opportunity
		
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			for you to be to, oh, I'm going
		
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			to make money out of him or out
		
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			of her.
		
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			That's not how it is.
		
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			You know, it's basically, I'm now want to
		
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			move on to my life.
		
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			And a lot of people think also that
		
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			I had a case, Sheikh, a long time
		
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			ago of a person did not choose the
		
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			court.
		
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			He said, I want an Islamic arbitration.
		
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			So can I see tons of these cases,
		
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			as you know.
		
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			So they came to me and I said,
		
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			okay, so Islamically, that's what you have to
		
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			do.
		
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			He said, no, I'm going to go back
		
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			to court.
		
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			Courts is cheaper.
		
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			When I told him what Islamically is responsible
		
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			for, he said, no, the court offer me
		
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			way less.
		
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			He was thinking that Islam is like, you
		
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			know, I'm going to give her like a
		
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			couple thousand dollars and let her go.
		
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			And when he found that this is a
		
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			lot of responsibility, financial responsibility, Islamically, he told
		
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			me, no, I don't want to.
		
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			And subhanAllah, the judge said, no, you chose
		
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			the Islamic arbitration, you go with the Islamic
		
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			arbitration.
		
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			And she forced that on him.
		
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			So it is sad, like when people think
		
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			of like Islamic laws, it's a bias, it's
		
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			not on the side of the woman.
		
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			That's not true.
		
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			You know, it's not, Allah subhanahu wa ta
		
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			'ala does not favor anyone based on his
		
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			gender or that person's gender or anything.
		
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			No, Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala have put
		
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			responsibilities and made financial responsibility based on a
		
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			great wisdom.
		
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			These rules are, there is a wisdom behind
		
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			it.
		
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			There's a reasoning behind it.
		
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			It's not due to male, female or Allah
		
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			subhanahu wa ta'ala bias to men or
		
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			women.
		
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			That's not, audhubillah.
		
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			That's not the case.
		
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			And if you think that, that's kufr, that's
		
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			just thinking evil or bad of Allah subhanahu
		
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			wa ta'ala being biased.
		
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			And that's absolutely not true.
		
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			Yes, I agree.
		
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			Sometimes the culture, the practice of some people,
		
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			even some people might be associated with the
		
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			knowledge, with the religion, might be biased, might
		
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			be affected by culture.
		
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			But I'm talking about purely looking at what
		
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			our deen said, what our religion said.
		
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			And if it does not go in your
		
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			favor, it doesn't mean it's bad.
		
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			There is a greater wisdom.
		
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			Shari'ah look at the big picture, not
		
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			to the micro one, which is your own
		
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			personal interest in this case.
		
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			I hope this explain and help people who
		
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			are sadist cults.
		
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			Barak Allah feek, Shaykh.
		
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			Ayyakum shalom.