Waleed Basyouni – Understanding the Rulings of Divorce in Islam
AI: Summary ©
The importance of divorce in marriage is discussed, along with the need for education on divorce policy and documenting the process. Personal development is emphasized, including the importance of clear divorce cases and avoiding divorce cases where there is no scope. Visits to documentation and witnesses are also emphasized. The need for people to be aware of the importance of not divorceing is emphasized, along with the need for people to be aware of the importance of not divorceing.
AI: Summary ©
As-salamu alaykum Shaykh, I receive a lot
of questions from brothers who get into a
problem of divorce and what I find is
that a lot of them don't understand how
to actually divorce correctly even though no one
likes that word no one likes to be
involved in this but at the same time
we really need to educate our youth especially
and young married people on the etiquettes of
divorce and how to do it correctly before
they get into a problem where they don't
know how many times they divorced or if
it was correct or not and if it's
counted or not or whether they were angry
when they said it or not all of
these questions they ask to make sure that
it was not a divorce.
First of all I would like to say
divorce is not something that we encourage or
we we see divorce as the last solutions.
We see divorce can be something good and
bad.
You know in Sahih Muslim the Prophet said
the Shaytan bring all his lieutenants and he
said what did you do?
He said I was able to convince him
to steal, to kill, to do this, to
do that, to fornicate, to drink.
Then one of them said I was able
to make him divorce his wife.
Then he said you're the best of all
of them.
Because breaking a family, breaking a society, it's
a terrible thing.
Kids suffer, people suffer.
A lot of problem comes out of divorce.
So in general divorce is something many of
the scholars said.
There is a hadith that is not authentic.
It's not authentic at all from Isnaad and
from Matin.
Both that the most hated things to Allah,
the most hated halal to Allah is a
divorce.
And ulema criticize the Isnaad of this hadith.
It's weak and also the meaning.
It cannot be hated by Allah and at
the same time it's halal.
If it's a concept, it's correct.
It's not something that it is recommended.
It's something you have to take that step
after exhausting many options and trial.
But because we see these days divorce became
something easy.
Just divorce.
I want a divorce.
I want a divorce.
It became like a trend these days.
That's not a good healthy sign.
It shows first, you don't know how to
choose.
Two, it is because people can't take responsibility.
People don't put an effort.
Marriage is a required effort, required.
There is a struggle and it's not easy.
Good marriages don't happen.
They have to be made.
So you have to put an effort into
the marriage.
Yes, at certain point divorce can be the
best solution.
Because you don't want to stay in the
relationship that it's a lose-lose situation.
There's no benefit from it except just suffering.
I move on and we keep at least
a lot.
You don't want to get sick or illness
or get stroke or something of that nature.
You're not going to be able to help
yourself.
I don't want the kids to live and
grow up in a house where you curse
each other, you fight with each other, you
call the police on each other all the
time.
That's not a healthy environment as well.
So that's important introduction to be said.
Another thing I want to say is divorce
has rules and etiquettes.
Divorce is a matter of fatwa.
In another word, each case has to be
looked at by a Mufti.
So please don't just read a couple of
lines online and you basically apply it to
your situation.
If a case of divorce takes place, make
sure you go to the Imam and talk
to him.
Because I might come to meet someone and
say this is valid divorce, this is not
valid divorce.
There's a lot of things we take in
consideration before we pass the ruling.
So it's basically a kind of customized.
For each case we have to look at
this.
There is a general principle but we look
at each case.
That's why when Omar, for example, saw people
that became, you know, taking lightly a certain
form of divorce during the Prophet's time and
during Abu Bakr's time, it was not counted
as a divorce.
Omar said no, it's a divorce now.
Because you're taking it lightly and you're not
respecting this rule.
So sometimes we look into things like a
matter of fatwa.
It has every case we have to look
at it, you know, individually.
So one of the things about divorce that
when you divorce, there is a time for
divorce.
You can't just divorce anytime.
As Ibn Abbas said, this verse shows you
that At-Talaq has a time, a certain
time.
What these times are, what the time that
you divorce a woman.
These are windows of divorce.
Yeah.
These are the times where you are able
to.
It's like Salat al-Dhuhr.
You don't pray Dhuhr in the night.
There is a time for Dhuhr.
There is a time for Asr.
Also there is a time for divorce.
What is it?
When a woman is free from her menses.
Right.
When a woman, after she finished her menses,
to the moment the divorce was pronounced, there
is no * took place between you and
her.
So if somebody had an * with her,
cannot divorce her until wait until she get
her period, finish her period, and after that
if you want to divorce her, you can
divorce her.
If you divorce her without taking consideration of
these two conditions, by consensus, you have committed
a sin.
And there is a different opinion.
Is that a valid divorce or not valid
divorce?
But everybody says it's haram.
So it's a sin that's not allowed for
you to do.
And some ulama believe it counts, some doesn't
count.
So you need to go to the shaykh
and see what he thinks about that.
Also, when you divorce a woman, you must
document the divorce.
That's why Allah says, make sure you take
her witnesses over it.
And even when you take her back, you
have to make a witness.
It has to be documented.
You go to the masjid and have a
document.
Why?
Because so many cases, I'm sure shaykh you
have the same thing.
I don't know how many times I divorced
her.
I don't know when did you take me
back in the time of iddah or not.
Did my iddah finish?
No, it didn't finish.
No, I didn't mean it.
No, I meant it.
I don't remember.
But when you have it documented, and there
is a documentation for it, you always can
refer to it.
Right.
And you will need that because if you
want to remarry, I want to make sure
that you have a divorce.
So I have a documentation that you really
got a divorce and you're at the finish
in order for me to marry to marry
someone else.
So it's an important documentation to be done.
And the debate, is it wajib to have
witnesses or recommended?
Regardless if it's wajib or not, you know,
or recommended, but you should have witnesses.
And when they say witnesses in divorce, it
doesn't mean to witness you when you pronounce
it.
But you also can tell them later on,
by the way, I divorced my wife today,
and I want to document this.
So he cannot deny that later on as
some husbands do.
Also, I want to say, it's shameful.
And it's haram as well, one of the
form of talaq al-bid'i, that you
divorce three times at once.
I divorce you.
I divorce, no, only one time.
You're not allowed to divorce three times at
one time.
That's talaq al-bid'i.
You should not say that.
Because there is a reason why Islam give
you three chances.
You just don't blow it in one time.
You know, there is a reason.
And you don't want her back, don't take
her back.
So that's been said.
That's also something people take the word talaq
lightly.
In some culture, they divorce over everything.
Come, my wife is divorced.
Maybe people in the West don't understand that.
But whoever live in Arabic, Arab culture, you
know, my wife is divorced, if you don't
come eat at my house.
It's like you're playing.
Like that's how the value of the marriage,
the value of your wife is, over a
food, or, you know, anyway.
That's a sign of immaturity.
Immaturity, disrespect, you know, I don't know, no
value of the marriage and divorce.
So, this been said also, I want to
say, finally, final point for me.
Keep them in goodness or leave them with
goodness.
Leave them with graciousness.
You know, when we leave each other, it
doesn't need to be nasty.
I hate to say that, but, because I
cannot generalize too, but, but many people come
to me and tell me, Shaykh, why we're
not like some non-Muslim who, when they
divorce, they still keep a good relationship, civil,
you know, move on in my life.
Why it has to be nasty?
Why you have to be like hatred and
we sue each other and we go into
fights and stuff like that.
You know, just let it go.
Sometimes it's more of ego, revenge, it's not
going to benefit you anything.
Just move on.
You know, forgive and forget and move on
in your life, especially if you have kids.
There were good things between you.
I mean, you had, yeah, you had good
times.
All of a sudden, this is all forgotten.
And regardless of the divorce initiated by the
man or the divorce initiated by the woman,
which is a khul' or by the third
party, tatliq, ya'ni, tafriq, ya'ni, divorce
them from each other's, you know, we need
to learn how to move on.
And, you know, if there is a dispute,
there is no need for wasting your money
over courts and lawyers and like hundreds of
thousands of dollars goes into waste.
Maybe you can use arbitrations, you know, at
least Islamically, you know what is your right.
And it's not allowed for you to take
anything is not allowed for you to have.
That's haram.
Even if the court give it to you,
it doesn't mean that it is halal for
you to take it.
Also, if the court does not obligate you
to do certain things, but in Islam, you
must pay it or you must give it.
Not because you didn't legally obligated to it,
you can go away with it.
No, but you have to.
And you will be asked in the day
of judgment about that.
And you will be asked about your family,
especially your children.
So I hope these words can can really
touch your heart.
Whoever listening to me and going through this,
that I ask Allah to make it easy
for you and also ask Allah to guide
us to be able to apply the sharia
and the rules and the adab and the
ethics of Islam while we're married, while we
are together or when we leave each other.
And the beautiful story of this Adam, when
he had a problem with his wife, divorce
her.
So they ask him before divorce.
He said, that's my wife.
I'm not going to tell you anything about
her.
So after the divorce, he was asked.
He said, she's my sister.
I will not say anything bad about her.
Yeah, that's that's a spirit.
That's Islamic behavior.
You're still Muslim.
If she's your wife, she's your wife.
She's not.
She's your sister in Islam.
And you should protect her.
Mother of my children and someone I lived
with.
Right.
You protect her either way.
Right.
And your husband, too.
Right.
Exactly.
Yeah.
And yeah, that was beautiful.
Thank you.