Waleed Basyouni – Mistakes. How to Face, Learn, and Grow From Them
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All praise due to Allah, and his praise
and blessings be and peace be upon our
prophet Muhammad
his family, his companions, and his followers until
the day of judgment.
I've been witness that Allah is the only
one worthy of worship, and Muhammad sallallahu alaihi
wa sallam his last and final
messenger.
My brothers and sisters, I would like to
speak
to you today about something we all do,
something that we all
fall
in. But not all of us knows how
to deal with it, which is mistakes,
wrongdoing,
you know, incorrect
actions,
you know, and also you can call sometimes
we do things which is immoral,
something that is not allowed, something haram, something
wrong.
And Nabi
told us,
All human beings make mistakes, do wrongs.
And Sahih Muslim Allah says, you may you
commit sins days nights.
So
Allah knows that.
Allah said about human being,
It's a nature of human being that transgress
and ignorant.
And transgression leads to making mistakes and ignorant
lead to making mistakes as well.
That's why the Quran
specific specifically mentioned this fact. The reality is
that people will make mistakes. And that's why
Quran even mentioned the mistakes of the best
of people.
Why? Not to point out or to focus
on the mistakes but to tell everyone of
us that if the best among us
make mistakes,
it's not a surprise
or it is expected from those who listen
virtue to make mistakes as well. Al Quran
many times
reprimanded the prophet salallahu alaihi wa sallam, corrected
the prophet salallahu alaihi wa sallam, mentioned the
mistake of the beginning of humanity like Adam
alaihi salam.
But the point in all these stories is
not the mistake, it's what those prophets and
messengers, and what those great men and women
like the companions also some of their mistakes
were mentioned in the Quran.
Allah pointed out how in
the when
the trade and money came to
Medina, they left the and they went to
see what are
the were the the basically what this trade
came with. They were looking for food and
there were shortage at that time in Medina.
So they left the khutbah just to see
what is what's that caravan brought.
And Allah reprimanded them. And so many verses
like that. But the point always is what
happened after.
How those mistakes led
to a better outcome
for those individuals.
So here I would like to reflect upon
few points.
The first point that I would like to
reflect upon when it comes to mistakes,
wrongdoings
in itself, the mistake in itself.
Number 1, we have to realize, yes,
mistakes happen,
but we should not ever
justify
the mistakes by saying everybody make a mistakes.
It happened, but you don't make it. And
you said, you know what? I'm a human
being. Yeah. Nobody forcing you to make a
mistake. Nobody forcing you to make us to
do a sin. Nobody forcing you to do
the wrong thing. But if it happened,
you know what? That's the nature of human.
I come and correct myself and move on
in my life.
That's why anytime you are forced into a
sin is not considered a sin when you
don't have a will. But it's not ever
a justification
to say, you know what, This is the
Qadr of Allah and you just keep doing
the wrong things and you don't try to
change. You know what? I'm just angry person
and that will justify for you to, you
know what, to use bad language, to be
hurting people, to be mean to people, to
not to be fair to others. That's not
acceptable.
Another thing,
it is important we talk about mistakes
and You need to identify the mistakes.
So many times we cannot even identify our
shortcoming, where I'm coming from, what are my
mistakes, what are my problems.
Many times note, we don't invest time to
look deeper into ourselves and see where our
weakness, where I'm coming from, what are the
root cause of these mistakes, and that's an
important thing to look at.
Number 3,
when we talk about mistakes, we have to
understand what kind of mistakes I'm doing.
For example,
there is a difference between a mistake that
is considered
There is a difference between a mistake which
is a shirk,
aoodhubillah,
a kufr,
or a minor shirk, or a major sin,
or a minor sin.
There is a difference between a mistake,
lazim, umuta'adi, a mistake that's related to me
personally,
and a mistake that impact others
and people around me.
A mistake that it is done in an
individual level, and a mistake that is systematic.
A mistake that affect a whole entire institute,
a whole entire movement, a whole entire organization.
It's 2 different type of mistakes.
Also a mistakes that it is you know
what? A mistakes that it is
keep happening
every
time. And it is like repeated mistakes
and the mistakes that happen occasionally for certain
reason, and these circumstances not exist anymore.
I treat every mistake serious, but they are
different levels. And I have to basically treat
each level,
and give it the attention that it deserve.
The mistakes,
some of them are
Islamically
considered
mistake. So it's a sin.
And some of them morally,
not necessarily a sin, but it's not appropriate,
not good.
Like for example, silly talk, silly jokes,
silly comments.
It might not be a sin, it's not
an appropriate way of talking,
not a nice way of talking, not this
does not the faba'il akhlaq,
not the good manners. It's still considered a
mistake.
And speaking of mistakes,
Al Ulamarahi mumullah said,
Al kapa idakanaanjahl
waghayriqast
fahuwaddualil.
A mistake that you do out of ignorance.
Okay?
And because of the lack of knowledge that's
one type.
But also there is a mistake.
Sometimes the our mistakes is not because of
the lack of knowledge. No. It is because
of the transgression.
I know it's wrong, I know it's not
right, but I still do it.
That's why Allah said about human being, He
is
because he make mistakes intentionally.
That's why it's a and Jew, he make
mistakes out of ignorance.
Both. And both he should be aware of.
The other,
point that I would like to mention today,
You have to think when you look at
your own mistakes and the mistakes that happen
around you, you know,
to think about the causes.
You know, what caused these mistakes to happen?
What are the reasons?
What what led me to do these mistakes?
Sometimes it is
simple ignorant, I don't know.
I made a mistakes, I prayed the wrong
way because I don't know how to pray
the right way.
Simple. A mistakes that happen in Janazah because
we don't know.
When nobody ever taught us what's the sunnah
in relation to this.
That simple thing. So the cure will be
easy when I know the root cause for
it. I need to learn, I need to
educate myself about this issue.
Also
sometimes,
and it's dangerous,
al Hawa. There is so much desire and
love for the Haram.
It's just a desire for it.
There is a difference between,
you know, someone who have a relationship with
a man or a woman in haram way
and a difference between a player.
You know? He just want to poke everybody.
There's a difference between the 2. A guy
who just, you know, play around.
As that's that's a desire.
He knows that's and that will continue and
grow.
Also, you need to see and some people,
their mistakes, I made a mistakes about maybe
a business but there is some people money
is so strong in their heart, a desire
that is taking over their mind and soul.
If the desire is so strong,
So look at which is it a desire?
And you need to start looking into how
to deal with that. Also,
sometimes
it is because of
certain time, like certain sin and mistakes happen
because of certain times. Every time you stay
late in the night, you do this haram
thing.
Every time you are alone,
you do these things.
Every time you travel to certain, you know,
and you stay at certain, you know, time
or like there's in the in the month
or whatever. Like, for example,
sister during her period,
she get she can't control her anger and
she use curse word and maybe, you know,
or you know what, I get fight with
my fight my wife a lot and I
do things I regret during that period of
time.
I know that period of time is a
cause for the problem. So you know what?
I need to know and to avoid and
to put a plan how I'm gonna deal
with that. I'm not gonna stay alone.
Some also problem and mistakes because your kids
simply teenagers.
You know, Sheikh Hamal Makhi's sons wear a
t shirt it's called Deanager.
I love it, but that's not reality.
Teenagers are teenagers.
Not everybody is teenagers. May Allah say, 'Ani
put balakhan salah to everybody.
But since in time, it's because of the
time that you live in, the age that
you are.
Okay? So you as parents also know how
you deal with these things.
Another reasons could be the state that you're
in. Some of the situation.
For example, you're single. Your problem comes from
being single or being married, I guess. You
know? You know? Maybe that's the problem.
You know? And, you know, I need to
work with that. Maybe the problem is because
I am between jobs.
Maybe problem I have so much time in
my hand.
So I need to look what other cause
maybe certain places can be the cause.
Every time I hang out in this,
you know,
every time I go to the mall, I
do this haram things. Every time I go
to, you know, to that coffee shop, that's
where my haram comes.
Every time I travel to Vegas,
you know, I have this problem.
Every time I travel to, you know, I
need to to change the way I deal.
Maybe the place is the one who causing
this problem with me. Maybe every time I
go pray in this place, that's when I
pick a fight with people. Maybe I need
to change that, come to a click more
often.
Also, it could be the cause is the
friends and the people you are with.
Some people when you are with them,
Some people when you are with them, either
it became
very formal
for 5 minutes. And after that, it turned
to be jadal. It's debates.
And it became like, you know,
any debate that heated, like, Trumpy style.
You know? So it became so aggressive
and and it became, like, not acceptable. So,
you know, those people need to be careful.
Those people every time I hang with, I
end up using drugs, I end up vaping,
I end up backbiting a lot
and talking a lot about people. Every time
I hang with those people, I miss salah.
Every time I hang with those people, I
feel more arrogant, I feel more attached to
the dunya, and nobody remind me of the
akhirah.
Every time I meet them, every time, Oh,
you didn't do anything for your life, You
didn't do anything for your kids. You nobody
ever talk or make you feel like, you
know what? I'm terrible, this and this, and
nobody and and you became more involved in
the dinner, which is not a problem. But
if this is the only focus point,
that can be a problem.
People so negative, you when you're with them,
you just criticize everybody.
The third point quickly,
I wanna
say,
we have I think there is a point
where you pause and you think,
When you look at your soul after committing
the sin,
one
admit it,
Regret it.
Don't try to justify
it. Not talking to for you with anyone
else, between you and Allah.
Just admit it.
Regret it.
Hold yourself accountable.
Repent to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
Don't try to justify
it. Oh, it's the my destiny.
Oh, it is, at least I'm better than
this person. At least, you know, my kids
is the best person or, like, you know,
at least I'm better than my brother. Bless
them, mind by this. You know, it's just
a individual mistakes. Like, sometimes a mistake, we
as an organization, we said, oh, just one
incident, oh, it's just one
or
a group.
They always justify there has been mistakes. They're
not willing to make any more raja'at, any
change in their methodology.
They always try to find an excuse for
it.
Once I had a meeting with one of
the leader of 1 of the big Muslim
movement in the Muslim world,
Huge Muslim movement.
I mentioned to them a book that they
use.
I said this book filled with fabricated hadith
and fabricated narrations
And there is many Muslim scholars would love
to go over that book and take these
fabricated hadith out, give you a replacement with
good. Why nobody ever
think about making that change?
He said, I don't think we need it.
I said, Why? He said, Because it's been
perfect.
I said, How perfect? There is lie in
this book, there's hadith there says al Bukhari
and this hadith.
It's fabricated hadith.
But they're not wanting to admit the mistakes.
Another person represents a movement of millions of
people.
Now when you don't want him to admit
your mistake, there's no way you're gonna be
able to
improve.
Also, be serious when you deal with your
mistakes.
Don't take it lightly.
Some of the earliest used to say your
sin and your mistakes.
The size of it depends on the follower.
The more you see your sin and mistake
insignificant,
the more it is significant
in the eyes of Allah.
And the more you see your sin is
so significant severe, the more Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala see it as small and insignificant.
The opposite.
So what's your attitude towards your mistakes?
Don't ever focus on the symptoms
and forget about the
cause and the root cause of the problem.
May Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala make us among
those who always repent to him,
and those who always improve themselves.
Also,
the 4th point that I would like to
mention,
Now,
there are reflection points in relation to yourself,
now with the people who commit the mistakes,
or commit sins.
Number 1,
always remember that mistakes are levels. Don't treat
people the one who made a very major
mistakes like a minor.
Yeah, I mean, rarely happen an incident,
you know, just one case, one incident versus
somebody keep repeating the same mistake again and
again.
So remember that. Remember also, the people who
make mistakes some of them are rewarded
even if they make they made their best
judgment and they made a mistake like a
scholar
made a mistakes by, you know, he made
his best judgment and he made a mistakes.
When you make your ishtihad, your best judgment,
and you make a mistake based on knowledge
and trying your best, you get a reward.
Some of them are sinful because they're based
on no knowledge or
based on.
Some of them no reward, no
any sin.
Also, there's a different level. There's a person
who's as older, younger,
a youth, a teenager versus a kid versus
older, not the same.
Also somebody knew Muslims versus someone who's Muslim
all the time.
Somebody making mistakes and openly
proud of it. Someone who make a mistakes
and try to hide his sin. You don't
treat all the same.
Somebody who is arguing and justifying and fighting
back versus someone saying, you know what, I'm
wrong. I
especially with your children your family. Make sure
when you ever deal with someone who make
a mistake and you're gonna correct that person,
make sure that your intention is pure.
Make sure that you're not there to catch
somebody doing something wrong. I always say catch
people doing something right, not wrong.
Differentiate between the person and the action.
Don't judge the person
completely based on one mistakes,
that what you did is wrong but doesn't
mean this person is completely doomed.
Not everybody commit a kufo is kafir. Not
everybody commit a bid'ahism of tadayah.
That's an obvious and and a principle that
Anasulna have.
Don't ever
object to someone
and point to someone that this person is
wrong or did something wrong unless you have
knowledge.
Don't make this out of
I heard
No.
There is a difference between giving someone advice
and basically
reprimanding someone,
and punishing someone for their mistakes.
Be just and fair.
You know?
Some mistakes
can be
overlooked
for a greater benefit
and some are not.
Also,
don't exaggerate mistakes.
Some people exaggerate the mistakes.
Make sure that you remember to make dua
for those who make a mistakes.
Make sure to remember sometimes
winning the people are more important than winning
the debate.
That's something.
Make sure you remember when you deal with
people's mistakes, that people don't care until they
know that you care about them.
They don't care about your corrections and your
advice until they feel that you really care
about them.
Make sure that you are doing this with
gentleness, with mercy.
Final word I will leave you with.
If you have a mistake and you want
to change it,
give yourself the time to make that change
happen,
to correct your mistakes.
Always try to do the complete opposite. So
for example, if you are,
not a complete
do the opposite. If you feel that you
are someone who is aggressive, try to learn
how to calm.
Force yourself to calm down.
You know? Also, make sure that you're always
hasty to good. Don't, you know, say
proscornate, let's say, to me tomorrow.
After Hajj, I will change. After I get
married, I will change. After 40, I will
change. Don't don't delay that.
Also don't be to the 2 extreme, you
are in one extreme to the right you
go to the extreme of the left.
Also make sure that you look at yourself,
there is sometimes when you have your heart
is so strong, your emotional very strong, you're
so ready to go, take advantage
of
that.
You're more highly motivated to repent to Ramadan,
something happened, you know, and you're highly motivated,
take advantage of that. Also don't be arrogant.
Take yourself take it step by step.
Don't do too much, start with yourself.
Make sure that one of the people, one
of the way of making change happen, advising
in the level of individuals and the level
of organizations.
Always look at the root cause of your
problem and try to deal with it.
May Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala
forgive our mistakes
and make Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala give us
the best of manners. May Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala Yeah. And he help us always to
improve.
One of the most beautiful thing that Ilham
Ahmed ever was described with with one of
his students. He said, I was in company
of Ahmed for 20 years.
Morning, night,
summer, winter,
every day I meet Ahmed Ahmed. I found
him a better person than yesterday.
His ilm, his akhlaq, his manners, his knowledge
improved than yesterday. Every day, not every month,
not every Ramadan.
So we ask Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala to
make us among those who constantly improve,
constantly grow until we meet Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala while he's pleased with us.