Waleed Basyouni – Mistakes How To Face, Learn, And Grow From Them
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All praise due to Allah and his praise
and blessings be and peace be upon our
prophet Muhammad
his family, his companions and his followers until
the day of judgment. I bear witness that
Allah is the only one worthy of worship
and Muhammad salallahu alaihi wa sallam his last
and final messenger.
My brothers and sisters, I would like to
speak
to you today about something we all do,
something that we all
fall in
but not all of us know how to
deal with it,
which is mistakes,
wrongdoing,
you know, incorrect
actions,
you know,
and also you can call sometimes we do
things which is immoral,
something that is not allowed, something haram, something
wrong.
And Nabi
told
us, all human beings make mistakes,
do wrongs.
And so, Muslim Allah says, you may come
you commit sins days nights.
So
Allah knows that.
Allah said about human being,
It's a nature of human being that transgress
and ignorant.
And transaggression leads to making mistakes, and ignorant
lead to making mistakes as well.
That's why Quran
specific specifically mentioned this fact that the reality
is that people will make mistakes. And that's
why Quran even mentioned the mistakes of the
best of people.
Why? Not to point out or to focus
on the mistakes, but to tell every one
of us that if the best among us
makes mistakes,
it's not a surprise
or it is expected from those who listen
virtue to make mistakes as well. The Quran
many times
reprimanded the Prophet
corrected the Prophet
mentioned the mistake of the beginning of humanity
like Adam
But the point in all these stories is
not the mistake at what those prophets and
messengers
and what those great men and women like
the companions also some of their mistakes
were mentioned in the Quran.
Allah pointed out how in the Khutba al
Jumu'ah, when the trade and money came
to Medina, they left the Khutba and they
went to see what are
the were the the basically what this trade
came with. They were looking for food and
there were shortage at that time in Medina.
So they left the Khutba just to see
what is what's that caravan brought. And Allah
reprimanded them. And so many verses like that.
But the point always is what happened after.
How those mistakes led to a better outcome
for those individuals.
So here I would like to reflect upon
few points.
The first point that I would like to
reflect upon
when it comes to mistakes,
wrongdoing
in itself, the mistake in itself. Number 1,
we have to realize, yes,
mistakes happen,
but we should not ever
justify
the mistakes but by saying everybody make a
mistakes.
It happened, but you don't make it. And
he said, you know what? I'm a human
being. Yeah. Nobody forcing you to make a
mistake.
Nobody forcing you to make us to do
a sin. Nobody forcing you to do the
wrong thing. But if it happened
you know what? That's the nature of human
being. I come and correct myself and move
on in my life.
That's why anytime you are forced into a
sin is not considered a sin when you
don't have a will. But it's not ever
a justification to say, you know what? This
is the Qadr of Allah and you just
keep doing the wrong things and you don't
try to change. You know what? I'm just
angry person, and that will justify for you
to, you know what, to use bad language,
to be hurting people, to be mean to
people, to not to be fair to others.
That's not acceptable.
Another thing, it is important we talk about
mistakes and.
You need to identify the mistakes.
So many times we cannot even identify our
shortcoming. Where I'm coming from? What are my
mistakes? What are my problems?
Many times not We don't invest time to
look deeper into ourselves and see where our
weakness, where I'm coming from, what are the
root cause of these mistakes. And that's an
important thing to look at. Number 3,
when we talk about mistakes, we have to
understand what kind of mistakes I'm doing.
For example,
there is a difference between a mistake that's
considered
There is a difference between a mistake which
is a shirk.
A kufr,
or a minor shirk,
or a major sin,
or a minor sin.
There is a difference between a mistake.
A mistake that's related to me personally, and
a mistake that impact others
and people around me.
A mistake that it is done in an
individual level, and a mistake that is systematic.
A mistake that affect a whole entire institute,
a whole entire movement, a whole entire organization.
It's 2 different type of mistakes.
Sheyimuta'ali
Shailazin.
Kabir, Sari, Fardi Jama'ih. Also a mistake that
it is You know what? A mistake that
it is
keep happening
every time.
And it is like repeated mistakes.
And the mistakes that happened occasionally for certain
reason and these circumstances not exist anymore.
I treat every mistake serious, but they are
different levels. And I have to basically treat
each level,
and give it the attention that it deserve.
The mistakes,
some of them are
Islamically
considered
mistake. So it's a sin.
And some of them morally,
not necessarily a sin, but it's not appropriate.
Not good.
Like for example, silly talk,
silly jokes,
silly comments.
Might not be a sin, it's not appropriate
way of talking.
Not a nice way of talking. Not this
does not the faba'il akhlaq, not the good
manners. It's still considered
a mistake.
And speaking of mistakes,
Al Ulamar
Rahim
said,
a mistake that you do out of ignorance.
Okay,
and because of the lack of knowledge, that's
one type.
But also there is a mistake.
Sometimes the our mistakes is not because of
the lack of knowledge. No. It is because
of the transgression.
I know it's wrong. I know it's not
right, but I still doing
it. That's why Allah said about human being,
walum and jahullah.
He is walum because he make mistakes intentionally.
That's why it's a and Jew, he makes
mistakes out of ignorance.
Both. And both you should be aware of.
The other
point that I would like to mention today,
You have to think when you look at
your own mistakes and the mistakes that happen
around you, you know,
to think about the causes.
You know, what caused these mistakes to happen?
What are the reasons?
What, what led me to do these mistakes?
Sometimes it is
simple ignorant. I don't know.
I made a mistake. I prayed the wrong
way because I don't know how to pray
the right way.
Simple. A mistake that happened in Janazah because
we don't know.
When nobody ever taught us what's the sunnah
in relation to this. That simple thing. So
the cure will be easy when I know
the root cause for it. I need to
learn. I need to educate myself about this
issue.
Also,
sometimes,
and it's dangerous,
al Hawa. There is so much desire and
love for the haram.
It's just a desire for
it. There is a difference between,
you know, someone who have a relationship with
a man or a woman in haram way,
and a difference between a player.
You know, he just want to hook everybody.
There's a difference between the 2. A guy
who just, you know, play around.
That's that's a desire.
He knows it and that will continue and
grow.
Also, you need to see. And some people,
their mistakes. I made a mistakes about maybe
business but there is some people money
is so strong in their heart. A desire
that is taking over their mind and soul.
It the desire is so strong.
So look at which is it the desire?
And you need to start looking into how
to deal with that. Also,
sometimes it
is because of
certain time. Like certain sin and mistakes happen
because of certain times.
Every time you stay late in the night,
you do this haram
thing. Every time you are alone,
you do this thing.
Every time you travel to certain, you know,
and you stay at certain, you know, time
or like there's in the month or whatever.
Like for example,
our sister during her period,
she could she can't control her anger and
she used curse word
and maybe, you know. Or you know what,
I get fight with my fight my wife
a lot and I do things I regret
during that period of time.
I know that period of time is a
cause for the problem. So you know what?
I need to know and to avoid and
to put a plan, I'm going to deal
with that. I'm not going to stay alone.
Some also problem mistakes because your kids simply
teenagers.
You know, Sheikh Hamal Maqisans
wear a t shirt, it's called deanager.
I love it, but that's not reality.
Teenagers are teenagers.
Not everybody teenagers. May Allah put balaqaan salah
to everybody.
But certain time, it's because of the time
that you live in, the age that you
are.
Okay. So you as parents also know how
you deal with these things.
Another
reason could be the state that you're in,
some situation.
For example, you're single. Your problem comes for
being single or being married, I guess. You
know, you know, maybe that's the problem.
You know, and I, you know, I need
to work with that. Maybe the problem is
because I am between jobs.
Maybe problem, I have so much time in
my hand.
So I need to look what are the
cause. Maybe certain places can be the cause.
Every time I hang out in this, you
know,
every time I go to the mall, I
do this haram thing. Every time I go
to, you know, to that coffee shop, that's
where the haram comes.
Every time I travel to Vegas,
you know, I have this problem.
Every time I travel to, you know, I
need to to change the way I deal
with. Maybe the place is the one who
causing this problem with me. Maybe every time
I go pray in this place, that's when
I pick a fight with people. Maybe I
need to change that, come to click more
often.
Also, it could be the cause is the
friends and the people you are with.
Some people when you are with them,
Some people when you are with them, either
it became
very formal
for 5 minutes. And after that, it turned
to be Jadal. It's debates.
And it became like, you know,
any debate he did, like, Trump style.
You know? So it became so aggressive,
and and it became like not acceptable. So
you know those people need to be careful.
Those people every time I hang up, I
end up using drugs. I end up vaping.
I end up backbiting a lot and talking
a lot about people. Every time I hang
with those people, I miss salah.
Every time I hang with those people, I
feel more arrogant. I feel more attached to
the dunya, and nobody remind me of the
akhirah. Every
time I meet them, every time, oh, you
didn't do anything for your for your life.
You didn't do anything for your kids. Nobody
ever talk make you feel like, you know
what? I'm terrible, this and this. And nobody
and and you became more involved than the
new, which is not a problem. But if
this is the only focus point,
that can be a problem.
People so negative, you when you're with them,
you just criticize everybody.
The third point quickly,
I wanna say,
we have I think there is a point
where you pause and you think,
when you look at your soul after committing
the sin,
one
admit it,
Regret it.
Don't try to justify
it. Not talking to for you with anyone
else, between you and Allah.
Just admit
it. Regret it.
Hold yourself accountable.
Repent to Allah
Don't try to justify it. Oh, it's my
destiny.
Oh, it is, at least I'm better than
this person. At least, you know, my kids
is the best person or, like, you know,
at least I'm better than my brother. Bless
him, I'm like this. You know, it's just
individual
mistakes. Like, sometimes a mistake, We as an
organization, we said, oh, just one incident.
Oh, it just one
or
a group.
They always justify that it's their mistakes. They're
not willing to make any more raja'at, any
change in their methodology.
They always try to find an excuse for
it.
Once I had a meeting with one of
the leaders of one of the big Muslim
movements in the Muslim world,
huge Muslim movement.
And I mentioned to them a book that
they use.
I said this book filled with fabricated hadith
and fabricated narrations,
and there is many Muslim scholars would love
to go over that book and take these
fabricated hadith out, give you a replacement with
good.
Why nobody ever
think about making that change?
He said, I don't think we need it.
I said,
why? He said, because it's been perfect.
I said, how perfect? There is lie in
this book. There's hadith there that says al
Bukhari and this hadith not put in al
Bukhari. It's fabricated hadith.
But they're not willing to admit the mistakes.
Another person represents a movement of millions of
people.
And then when you don't willing to admit
your mistake, there's no way you're gonna be
able to
improve. Also be serious when you deal with
your mistakes.
Don't take it lightly.
Some of the early scholars used to say
your sin and your mistakes.
The size of it depends on the following.
The more you see your sin and mistake
insignificant,
the more it is significant
in the eyes of Allah.
And the more you see your sin is
so significant severe, the more Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala see it as small and insignificant.
The opposite.
So what's your attitude towards your mistakes?
Don't ever
focus on the symptoms
and forget about the root cause or the
the the cause and the root cause of
the problem. May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala make
us among those who always repent to him
to him and those who always improve themselves.
Also, the 4th point that I would like
to mention,
Now the reflection points in relation to yourself,
now with the people who commit the mistakes
or commit sin.
Number 1,
always remember that mistakes are levels. Don't treat
people the one who made a very major,
mistakes like a minor.
Rarely happen an incident,
you know, just one case, one incident versus
somebody keep repeating the same mistake again and
again.
So remember that. Remember also, the people who
make mistakes, some of them are rewarded
even if they make istihad. They made their
best judgment and they made a mistake like
a scholar Made a mistakes by, you know
he made his best judgment and he made
a mistakes.
When you make your istihad, your best judgment,
and you make a mistake based on knowledge
and trying your best, you get a reward.
Some of them are sinful because they're istihad
based on no knowledge or
based on Hawa.
Some of them no reward, no,
yeah, any sin.
Also, there's a different level. There's a person
who's as older, younger,
a youth, a teenager, versus a kid, versus
older. Not the same.
Also somebody knew Muslims, versus someone who's Muslim
all the time.
Somebody making mistakes and openly
proud of it. Someone who make a mistakes
and try to hide his sin. You don't
treat all the same.
Somebody who is arguing and justifying and fighting
back versus someone saying, you know what? I'm
wrong.
Especially with your children and your family.
Make sure when you ever deal with someone
who make a mistake and you're gonna correct
that person, make sure that your intention is
pure.
Make sure that you're not there to catch
somebody doing something wrong. I always say catch
people doing something right, not wrong.
Differentiate between the person and the action.
Don't judge the person completely based on one
mistake,
That what you did is wrong, but doesn't
mean this person is completely doomed.
Not everybody commit a kufr is kafir. Not
everybody commit a bida as a mufaddiyah.
That's an obvious
and and a principle that and a sunnah
have.
Don't ever
object to someone
and point to someone that this person is
wrong or did something wrong unless you have
knowledge.
Don't make this out of I heard
no.
There is a difference between giving someone advice
and basically
reprimanding someone,
and punishing someone for their mistakes.
Be just and fair.
You know,
some mistakes
can be
overlooked for a greater benefit
and some are not.
Also
don't exaggerate mistakes.
Some people exaggerate the mistakes.
Make sure that you remember to make dua
for those who make a mistakes.
Make sure to remember sometimes
winning the people are more important than winning
the debate.
That's something.
Make sure you remember when you deal with
people mistakes, that people don't care until they
know that you care about them.
They don't care about your corrections and your
advice until they feel that you really care
about them.
Make sure that you are doing this with
gentleness,
with mercy.
Final word I will leave you with.
If you have a mistake and you want
to change it,
give yourself the time to make that change
happen,
to correct your mistakes.
Always try to do the complete opposite. So
for example, if you are,
not a complete Yani, do the opposite. If
you feel that you are someone who is
aggressive, try to learn how to calm.
Force yourself to calm down.
You know? Also, make sure that you're always
hasty to good. Don't, you know, say, proscornate,
proscornate, let's say, to me, tomorrow, Insha'Allah after
Hajj, I will change. After I get married,
I will change. After 40, I will change.
Don't don't delay
that. Also, don't be to the 2 extreme.
You are in one extreme to the right,
you go to the extreme of the left.
Also make sure that you look at yourself.
There's sometimes when you have your heart is
so strong, your emotional very strong, you're so
ready to go, take advantage of that.
You're to repent to Ramadan.
Something happened you know and
you take advantage of that.
Also don't be arrogant.
Take yourself. Take it step by step.
Don't do too much. Start with yourself.
Make sure that one of the people one
of the way of making change happen, advising
in the level of individuals and the level
of organizations.
Always look at the root cause of your
problem and try to deal with it.
May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
forgive our mistakes and make Allah Subhanahu Wa
Ta'ala give us the best of manners. May
Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala
yeah. And he help us always to improve.
One of the most beautiful thing that Imam
Ahmed ever was described with with one of
his students. He said, I was in company
of Ahmed for 20 years.
Morning, night,
summer,
winter,
every day I need to remember Ahmed. I
found him a better person than yesterday.
His 'ilm, his akhlaq, his manners, his knowledge
improved than yesterday. Every day, not every month,
not every Ramadan.
So we ask Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala to
make us among those who constantly improve,
constantly grow
until we meet Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala while
he's pleased with us.
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