Waleed Basyouni – Mastering Self-Control
AI: Summary ©
The concept of today's ability to control oneself in Islam is discussed, including the importance of self-improvement and guidance from one's beliefs. The importance of managing one's emotions and avoiding regret is emphasized, along with the need for professional help for people with extreme anger or reactions. The importance of immaturity and self-reflection in learning to deal with one's anger and reactions is also emphasized, along with advice on avoiding negative language and minimizing talk. The importance of learning and reducing the amount of talk is also emphasized, and individuals are advised to practice self-reflection and tune their emotions down. The need to learn to control one's tongue and reduce the amount of talk is also emphasized, and individuals are encouraged to mention before opening their mouth.
AI: Summary ©
Alhamdulillahi wassalatu wassalamu ala rasoolillahi wa ala alihi
wa sahbihi wa man wala wa ba'ad.
Allahumma laka alhamdu hamdan katheerun tayyibun mubarakun feeh.
Ash hadu an la ilaha illa allahu wahdahu
la sharika lah, wa ash hadu anna muhammadan
abduhu wa rasooluh.
All praise due to Allah, his praise and
blessings and peace be upon our Prophet Muhammad
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, his family, his companions,
and his followers until the Day of Judgment.
I bear witness that Allah is the only
one worthy of worship and Muhammad sallallahu alayhi
wa sallam, his last and final messenger.
My dear brothers and sisters, He
summarized one of the most important goals of
sharia that our religion came to free you
from being enslaved, controlled by your desires, to
be controlled by the guidance of Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala.
That's very big concept and important concept in
our religion.
That the person submit to the will and
to the guidance of Allah subhanahu wa ta
'ala not to be following his or her
own desires.
Desires which is usually translate the word al
-hawa in the Quran and sunnah mentioned in
the Quran is like what 27 or 26
times.
All of them every time in these 26
times al-hawa desire was mentioned was not
mentioned in a positive meaning, actually criticized.
Al-hawa, don't follow your desires, it will
lead you not to be fair and just.
Rule between people based on justice, not based
on desires.
Have you seen those who have taken their
desires, their God, their Lord?
The transgressor only follow their desires with no
knowledge.
And so many verses in the Quran like
this.
And that's something important because we as a
human being desire is part of who we
are.
It is something in us.
But in Islam help us, give us tools.
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala created us and
he knows us the best and he knows
if we submit ourselves to our desires.
We will not succeed in this life and
the next.
That's why there are so many rules and
regulations and guidance in Islam in relation to
the issue of how to deal with the
desires.
But today I would like just to comment
on one concept of al-hawa.
Which is your when you not have the
ability to have a self-control.
When you don't have the ability to govern
your own feelings and to control your reactions.
When you lose self-control that can be
very you know damaging to you and to
your relationship with people.
Your relationship with Allah, your relationship with the
religion, your relationship with your family, when you
don't know how to control yourself.
And when you know how to master this
like somebody said, I'm a king.
Why?
Because I rule myself.
You know, I know how to rule myself.
I'm in control of myself.
It is hard for me to imagine someone
who cannot lead and cannot be in control
of his own desires, how this person expected
to lead his family, to lead a community,
to lead in his organization.
If you can't have a control of yourself
and you cannot be able to control your
reactions and you have a self-control how
can you have a control of others or
other things around you?
You know the real the problem really that
desires has to do with feelings.
You know you can close your eyes if
you don't want to see something.
You can close your ear if you don't
want to hear something.
I agree with you.
It's hard to close your mouth if you
don't want to eat something, but you still
can do that.
But the problem, you have a control over
these senses.
But the problem with self-control that basically
it comes from your heart.
You don't have the ability to close your
heart.
You can control your eyes, you can close
your eyes, your ear, your basically your mouth,
but you can't close your heart.
These feelings you don't have that control over.
That's why it's required from the person a
great deal of effort and mastering that.
That's why Nabi ﷺ praised those who are
able to do that, to control that desire,
to control their feelings.
Those who fear Allah and control their desires,
al-jannah is the reward.
Don't be angry and al-jannah is your
reward.
And Nabi ﷺ said the strong person is
not the one who big muscles who can
wrestle with people.
No, the strong person the one who can
control himself in the time of anger.
Those who go to hajj and control themselves,
control their reaction, control their feelings, because that
feeling will lead to actions.
When you control that, you come back from
hajj without committing any type of sins or
arguing or using bad words or losing your
control and anger.
You come back as if the same day
you were born, free of sins.
That self-control over your emotions is something
so important.
Emotions like what?
Like anger, like love.
It's a very strong emotion.
But how can you control that love?
Not to let your love for something lead
you to do something haram.
Fear, it's a very strong emotion.
How can you make your fear control?
Hurt.
Hurt is a very strong feeling, but guess
what?
Those who are hurt can hurt others as
well.
While they are feeling that they are hurt
so much.
You know, jealous.
It's a very strong feeling.
How can you control that jealousy?
So it will not be turned to be
something negative.
The lust, the sexual lust is a very
strong feeling as well.
But how can you control that so it
will not lead you to haram?
Those who cannot have a control over their
feelings, definitely it will turn them to their
destruction.
You know, the happiness of a man in
this life does not consist of the absence.
But in the mastery of his or her
passions.
When you can master your feeling, that would
bring happiness, bring peace to your life.
And it is allowed for you to be
sad.
It's allowed for you to be angry.
It's good to be angry sometimes.
It's good to be sad sometimes.
Or, you know, it's good to be, you
know, jealous sometimes.
These feelings are not completely bad.
But when you don't control them, when you
get out of control, that's when they become
bad.
Otherwise, Allah said, It's a natural thing to
have the desire for love, for the opposite
gender, the love for wealth, the love for
fame.
You know, it is a natural thing to
be angry.
When Musa became angry, you know, I am
in love with her.
Love is not a bad thing.
Sad.
I'm sad over the death of my son.
He said, But the point is to be
able to control these feelings and not to
let it control you.
Because if you don't control it, it will
lead to things that you will regret and
it can be a long-term effect for
you.
And sharia have given us, you know, certain
guidelines in this regard.
One of it is your ability to transfer
these feelings from being negative to something positive.
Make sure that you channel your anger to
be something that it will be productive.
Channel your sadness to be something to be
productive, to learn and to grow from this
feeling.
Also, make sure that whenever you want to
deal with self-control, it's so important to
mature up.
Immaturity is unbelievable reason for people to lose
control and to hurt others and to hurt
themselves.
And I see that sometimes when we see
the reaction of people when something, a calamity
happened or a disaster happened.
So immaturity, just anything.
You know, just recently talking to someone said,
oh, I was, it wasn't very immature for
me to say that.
And that's so often I hear that, that
people, you know, don't know how to grow
up, especially when their emotions are so tense.
You have to know how to deal with
things with wisdom and to make sure that
you deal with it with maturity.
Also, some people, I believe, need finance, need,
you know, they need kind of professional help.
Seek professional, if you have an extreme anger,
can't control.
You should look to a therapy or look
at a program to help you to master
your anger or your reactions and how you
basically, your violence, if it reached to that
level.
May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala help us
and to make us always in control of
ourself.
I think one of the most important point
that I would like to end with it
is the issue of for self-control, control
your tongue.
No matter what is emotions you're going inside
you, learn how to control your tongue.
And you deal with your emotions later, but
don't open your mouth.
And if you have to, just make sure
you tune it down.
It was said once, Churchill, one of his
rival, she was a member in the in
the British House of Commons.
Her name was, I think, Lady Astor or
something like that.
In a heated debate, she told him, you
know what, if I was your wife, I
would have put a poison in your soup.
Then he smiled and he said, if I
was your husband, I would have drink it.
So I'm just, he ended the whole thing
and came to, everybody started laughing and things
passed.
That's a control, you might laugh at that,
but that's a mastery of controlling your tongue.
That's a mastery of controlling himself and not
allow himself to go lose it.
And this is an important thing that you
need to learn, we need to learn.
Don't allow yourself to start backbiting, accusing people,
saying bad words, cursing or making things or
lying, just because there is a tense emotion
because you're so scared, you're so afraid.
And you start saying things that you might
regret in the future.
You want to need help with losing your
tongue?
Remember, whatever you say, Allah will ask you
about.
Allah will ask you about what you say,
not what you didn't say.
Remember, the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said,
say good or remain silent.
A lot of people think that they have
to say something, especially in the world of
social media today.
Everybody thinks that I have to make an
opinion, I have to make a statement.
You don't have to.
Also, make sure that you reduce the amount
of talk.
Make sure that you mention Allah before you
open your mouth.
I've seen a wonder from Shaykh Ibn Baz,
one of my teachers.
Anytime he wants to open his mouth and
talk, especially if somebody made him angry, he
makes a lot of dhikr and istighfar, then
he will talk before he speaks.
Remember, not only to say the right thing
in the right place, but far more difficult
to leave unsaid wrong things at the tempting
moment.
Remember, sometimes the resistance of making your point
makes you win a lot of points.
Allahumma inna nas'aluka an tuhsina khitamana, wa
an taghfira dhulubana, wa an tarhama da'afana,
wa an tajbura kasrana.
Allahumma inna nas'aluka an tarhama ikhwanana al
-mustad'afina fi biladi al-Sham, wa fi
al-Filistina khasatan yadha al-jalali wa al
-ikram, wa ghazata ya arhama al-raahimin.
Irhamahum bi rahmatik, Allahumma irhamahum bi rahmatik, wa
a'afihim bi a'afiyatik.
Allahumma ajjil lahum bil faraj, ya hayyu ya
qayyum.
Allahumma inna nas'aluka an taghfira li walidina,
Allahumma aghfira li walidina, Allahumma aghfira li walidina,
ahya'a wa amwata.
Allahumma ahdina wa ahdi azwajana, wa uladana, wa
dhurriyatina li kulli khayr.
Wa abid'anna sh-sharra al-fitali, ma
thahara min hawama batan.
Wa aslihulata umur al-muslimin, wa man walaytahu
amrana, yadha al-jalali wa al-ikram.
Wa la taj'alna fitnatan lil qawm al
-zalimin.
Allahumma ahina muslimin, wa amitna muslimin.
Ya hayyu ya qayyum, anzil rahmatika, wa barakatika,
wa ghinaaka, wa lutfika Ya ala hadha al
-masjidi, wa ahlihi, wa jaliyatina, ya arham al
-rahimin, wa ahfadna bi-hifdika, ya qawiyu, ya
aziz, wa salli, wa sallim, wa barik, ala
nabiyina Muhammad, wa ala alihi, wa sahbihi, wa
sallim tasliman kathira.
And today, my brothers and sisters of Friday,
nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam encouraged us to
increase our salat, salam ala rasulullah, so increase
your salat, rasulullah, until the Maghrib time.
Allahumma salli, wa sallim, wa barik, ala nabiyina
Muhammad, wa alihi, wa sahbihi, wa ala alihi,
wa sallim, wa ala alihi, wa sallim, wa
ala alihi, wa sallim, wa alihi, wa sallim,
wa alihi, wa sallim, wa alihi, wa sallim,
wa alihi, wa sallim, wa alihi, wa sallim,
wa alihi, wa sallim, wa alihi, wa sallim,
wa alihi, wa sallim, wa alihi, wa sallim,
alihi, wa sallim, wa alihi, wa sallim, wa
alihi, wa sallim, wa alihi, wa sallim, wa