Waleed Basyouni – Is Saying Your Mother is Haram on Me a Divorce- Ask the
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The transcript describes a situation where a man committed a sinful act, but did not commit it. The woman committed it because she was divorced, and the man committed it because he wanted to avoid divorce. The woman committed it because she wanted to avoid divorce, but the man committed it because he wanted to avoid divorce.
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Assalamu alaykum Shaykh Wa alaykum as-salam wa
rahmatullahi wa barakatuh How are you?
Alhamdulillah So, a brother approached me the other
day and he's asking about a situation he
got himself into.
He wanted something to happen and he chose
a way of enforcing it by saying to
his children, you know, your mother is haram
on me if you do this.
You know, like, tahram alayya ummukum idha fa
'altu kada.
He's asking, would that be considered as a
divorce or what should he do to remedy
the problem.
And what did the kids do it?
No, the kids did not do it.
The kids abstained from doing it because of
that statement.
Bismillah, alhamdulillah, wa salatu wa salam wa rahmatullahi
wa barakatuh First of all, he should not
do that.
You know, I think when people say my
wife is divorced or haram on me if
this, you do this or you don't do
that, that's not the best way to show
your respect and love and appreciation for marriage
and for your wife or your spouse.
You know, it's not worth it to make
the whole entire relationship in jeopardy or equal
to just one thing that you request.
Hey, clean the dishes, otherwise, you know, my
whole marriage is haram or like do this
or do that.
Or your mother is divorced if you do
this.
Don't eat with me.
Some people do stuff like that, unfortunately, in
some culture, which is kind of strange to
a lot of Western culture.
But such a statement is not correct.
And if he said that, then violated what
he made the promise over.
Like, let's say he said, she's haram on
me, OK, your wife, my wife is haram
or your mother is haram on me.
If I do that, then he did it.
Or if you do that, then they did
it.
That means he fulfilled the condition.
Yeah, the condition was fulfilled.
So in this case, what's the ruling?
Some scholars said that this is a divorce,
OK?
Some scholars said, no, it is not a
divorce.
Divorce is just a yameen, just like an
oath.
Like when you say, wallahi, I will do
that.
But he committed a sin because he made
an oath with other than Allah.
But it's still an oath.
He have to pay the penalty for it.
And the penalty for oath, as Allah subhanahu
wa ta'ala said, walak yu'akhidkum bima
aqadtumul ayman fa kaftaratuhu it'aamu ashrati masakin
You basically feed 10 miskeen, or to give
them a set of clothes, 10 of them.
If you can't, or to free a slave.
And if you can't, then you basically, you
fast three days.
So a lot of people think fasting three
days.
No, the first thing is to feed.
It's in order.
In order.
So to feed 10 a meal per day,
or you give them 10 poor people to
give them clothes, sets of clothes, either for
winter or summer.
Or basically, and if you can't do that,
there is tahir al-raqabah, which is not
something available today, freeing a slave.
But if you can't do that, you don't
have the mean to do that, you go
to the fasting three days.
So that will be the penalty for it.
According to those who said it is a
mean, it is an oath.
Some scholars said that became a zihar.
Wow, to that level.
Yeah.
A zihar is a big issue here.
It's a main sin.
And the penalty for a zihar, a zihar
is when you say, you're like my mother,
haram on me to touch.
And if that's the case of zihar, according
to some of the ulama, the penalty for
that in order to go back, they have
to, he has to free a slave before
they touch one another.
And if you can't, which is not available
today, two consecutive months, 60 days straight.
And if you break it in the middle,
he start over again.
And before he touch her.
And if he can't, so he will feed
60 miskeen.
So that will be the penalty for that,
this is the border or the lines that
Allah has put for us.
And we should not cross it.
You should not cross to make the wife
that Allah made halal for you to say
it's haram on me.
So this is the opinion of Allah.
Some ulama said it's divorce if he intend
divorce.
And he intended this is divorce.
I asked and he said it was not.
And the opinion that I lean towards, because
in some cultures it's very common, what's the
choice of Shaykh al-Islam b.t.m.
when he said it's not considered a divorce.
Divorce only when he say I divorce you.
And she is divorce.
And in this case here, that basically he
just say if he break the promise, if
the condition fulfilled, he make the kaffarah of
yameen b.t.m. which is an oath
that he broke, which is as I said,
10 miskeens or feeding them or providing clothing
for them or clothing them or he cannot
fasting three days.
And b.t.m. said and if he
does the zihar, it's better.
Just to be in the safe side.
But insha'Allah, in this particular case, since
the condition are not fulfilled, nothing on him.
But he need to repent to Allah and
to control his tongue and not to say
things like this in the future.
May Allah protect all our families.