Waleed Basyouni – I Used To Be Indecisive But Now I’m Not Sure

Waleed Basyouni
AI: Summary ©
The speaker discusses the difficulty of pursuing Islam during the current pandemic and the importance of not being discouraged by hesitation and not giving up on their beliefs. They stress the importance of self-esteem and confidence, acknowledging one's mistake and taking action to achieve goals. The speaker advises people to use their experiences and values to make decisions and create a clear understanding of their priorities to avoid wasting time and allow them to make decisions quickly.
AI: Transcript ©
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Alhamdulillahi wahdahu wa salatu wa salamu ala man

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la nabiya ba'dahu nabiyyina muhammadin wa ala alihi

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wa sahbihi wa sallim allahumma tasliman kathira amma

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ba'd indi ashhadu anna la ilaha illa allahu

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wahdahu la sharika lah wa ashhadu anna muhammadan

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abduhu wa rasuluh Allahumma salli wa sallim wa

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barik ala nabiyyina muhammad wa ala alihi wa

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sahbihi wa sallim allahumma tasliman kathira amma ba'du

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ibadallah All praise due to Allah and his

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praise and blessings and peace be upon our

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Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, his family,

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his companions and his followers until the day

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of judgment.

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I bear witness that Allah is the only

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one worthy of worship and Muhammad sallallahu alayhi

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wa sallam his last and final messenger.

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And nabiya sallallahu alayhi wa sallam walk into

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his uncle house, Abu Talib, witnessing the last

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few moments of Abu Talib's life.

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And he sat right next to Abu Talib

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and he says, Uncle, say a word or

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a statement, say so I can argue on

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your behalf on the day of judgment.

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What do you want him to say?

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But all these years Abu Talib been thinking

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about it and he knows that this is

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the right decision.

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But he always been hesitant to take that

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decision.

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I know that the best religion is the

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religion of Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

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But I'm worried about people's, you know, reactions

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would be what size.

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Otherwise, I would declare my belief in the

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Prophet Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

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That's what he said.

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Guess what?

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He ended up dying as a mushrik.

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And nabiya sallallahu alayhi wa sallam could not

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take him out of that state of being

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indecisive, being unable to make that decision and

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take that step and accept Islam.

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I'll continue to ask Allah to forgive you

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unless Allah stop me from doing so.

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And immediately Allah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam told

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Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.

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Allah says in the Quran, it is not

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allowed for the Prophet and for the believers

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to seek for asking forgiveness for those who

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die upon kufr as they clearly die in

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front of them as people of kufr.

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They belong to the hellfire.

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In the other side of the coin, I

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would like to say a very different image.

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Abu Huraira used to tell

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his companions,

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who knows the man, the companion who entered

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jannah yet he never prayed a single prayer?

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Who knows who this person is?

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Then he said he is Usayrim Abdul Ashhal,

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the Usayrim of Bani Abdul Ashhal.

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So Mahmood Ibn Labid was asked, who is

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it?

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Who is Usayrim Bani Abdul Ashhal?

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Who is this man?

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He said his name is Amr Ibn Thabit

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Ibn Waqish.

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This man, what is his story?

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This man was always thinking about Islam.

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Should I be Muslim?

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Should I not be Muslim?

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Think about it.

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And in the battle of Uhud, when the

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Mushrikeen came to the Medina, all of a

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sudden he entered his house and he said,

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you know what, that is it.

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He went and he took his sword, he

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put his sword around his neck and he

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went to the battlefield.

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And he started fighting and he got injured

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so badly so his people witnessed the last

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moment of his life.

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And they said, what brought you?

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Did you come and join the battle because

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you want to defend your people, because you

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are fighting the Meccan or what?

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He said, no, I decided to be a

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Muslim and to join the Deen of Muhammad

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ﷺ.

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He declared Islam and he went to the

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battlefield right away.

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And he got injured so badly and he

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died.

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Then the Prophet ﷺ said, he is in

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Jannah.

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Did not even pray a single Salah yet.

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Couldn't.

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What's the difference between this man and this

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man?

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The second one, his ability to make the

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decision and to move forward.

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But the other one couldn't make that decision.

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Couldn't take that step.

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Couldn't bring himself together to move with what

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he knows is correct or he thinks is

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correct.

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You know, being indecisive, indecision, it's a big

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huge problem that we face sometimes in our

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life and it is a big obstacle in

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front of our success in any area.

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It's one of the biggest obstacles that hold

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you back and prevent you from going forward

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and going higher.

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Hmm, I'm not sure.

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We all suffer from indecision at times.

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If we are not careful, this can become

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depleting problem which feeds on itself and it

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became a cycle of doom.

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Many people have missed great chance to grow

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financially, spiritually, you know, within their family, in

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many areas.

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You know, why?

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Because they couldn't take that decision and later

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on they regret that.

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I think that require from us to reflect

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upon that problem a little bit.

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I believe one of the big reason or

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one of the main reason for people to

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be indecisive and not able to make decisions

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in the right time that sometimes deep in

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your heart, you're really not interested in doing

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that thing.

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You're not really, really convinced to do it

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and if you're not convinced to do it,

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that's why you're hesitant.

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And if this is the case, you need

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to gather more information so you can make

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a decision, either I go with it or

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I don't go with it.

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But I don't stay in that limbo, okay?

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Another reason is the lack of self-confidence.

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We worry that we're not good enough for

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this and I keep telling myself, you know

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what, maybe I'm not worth for that.

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Maybe I'm not good enough for that game

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for sports.

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Maybe I'm not good enough for this, you

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know, college.

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Maybe I'm not good enough for this man

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to marry.

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Maybe I'm not good enough to start this

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business.

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Maybe I'm not smart enough to do that

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and I keep just beating myself up and

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look down upon myself.

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You know, I'm not, you know, I'm not,

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I'm not going to be able to learn

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the deen.

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I'm not going to be able to do

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this.

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I'm not.

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So lack of company and lack of confidence,

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by the way, can be in very different

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areas in your life.

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People have so much confidence in such an

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area, but they are very low self-esteem

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when it comes to other areas of their

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life.

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You have, if you really need to be

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successful, you have to accept yourself and you

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have to trust yourself.

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You can't ask people to trust you if

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you don't trust yourself.

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You can't ask people to believe in you

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if you don't believe in yourself.

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I love this du'a, which the Prophet

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ﷺ used to say in the morning and

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the night, Allahumma inni a'udhu bika min

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al-ajzi wal-kasal.

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I ask Allah to protect me from two

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things, al-ajz, inability, al-kasal, laziness.

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Why?

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What prevents you from doing what is right,

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either something from outside you and that's what

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makes you incapable, al-ajz.

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Something outside your control prevents you from doing

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what you want.

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Or sometimes you don't achieve what you want,

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not because it's something from outside, it's from

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inside, which is kasal, laziness.

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What prevents you from being successful is come

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from inside you.

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And part of that, not being confident.

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And here's some practical points that will help

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you to be more assertive, help you to

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be a person who's decisive, person who can

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make decision and move on.

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Number one, if you have this problem, please

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admit it.

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At least don't try to deny it.

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As this guy said that day, he said,

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you know, I used to be indecisive, but

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I'm not sure if I'm anymore.

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You know, yeah, exactly.

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You know, you are just admitting it.

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Sometimes you just try to deny it.

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And sometimes you deny it in a smart

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way.

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What is it?

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Oh, this is wisdom.

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You know, I'm just being wise person, you

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know, and make it and you justify this

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basically this problem, you put it in a

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frame which is correct and wrong frame.

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I'm just being careful.

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I'm just being smart.

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I'm just being, you know, wise person.

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Indecision may or may not be a problem.

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So if it is a problem, if it

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is a hundreds, if it is preventing you

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to move on, and you stay in that

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limbo, it is a problem and a bad

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thing.

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Also, if you want to move on, make

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sure you have goals.

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The people who always indecisive, the people who

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have this problem, they don't have a clarity

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in their goals.

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That's why they are like in limbo.

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I'm not sure if I want to have

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a goal.

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And that's been inspired by these goals and

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dreams that you want to achieve.

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You know, if there is something that make

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you confused, ask yourself, would that help me

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to reach my goal?

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Would that help me to achieve that goal?

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And you will find yourself moving forward with

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your decisions.

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Goals is a very strong energy, give you

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a very positive energy.

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Those people are goal oriented, can move quickly

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and faster.

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Also, as you put a goal, you have

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to have a plan, how I'm going to

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achieve it.

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And when the moment you start thinking this

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way, all your life, I have a goal

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and I have a plan how I'm going

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to achieve that goal.

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And when you start thinking this way, you'll

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find yourself moving faster and moving more decisive.

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One of the things that will help you

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to get rid of this problem, take actions,

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take actions, take actions.

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They say conquer your fear through actions.

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100% learn how to take actions.

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I learned in my life that indecision is

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often worse than wrong actions.

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I'll say that again, I learned in my

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life that indecision and many times in my

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life, they're worse than making the wrong decision.

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Being just in the limbo like that, it's

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worse than making a decision.

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Because you know what, this is my attitude.

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And I wish that we all have this

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attitude.

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My attitude in life is I always win.

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If I get it right, I'm winning.

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And if I get it wrong, I learn.

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So either I win or I learn.

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So I'm always a winner.

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So that's I found so many times when

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you stay in that limbo and you waste

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so much of your time and energy and

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effort, and you never move.

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You lose so much and you lose people

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around you, especially if you're in a leadership

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position.

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Sometimes both options can work.

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Also, one of the things that I think

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it is one of the most self-destruction

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thing that you can ever have is perfectionism.

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You know, it's the art of blaming yourself.

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Just being perfectionist, everything has to be 100%,

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200% correct.

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Even our rules in Sharia is not based

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on 100%.

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Our rules in Sharia is what's most likely

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is the right thing.

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All our rules in Sharia are almost like

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95, 97% of all rules like that.

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That's how life is.

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So please make sure that you try to,

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that attitude of perfectionism is make the people

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not to make decisions and move on.

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Also, one of the things that I will

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say, sometimes we are indecisive.

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Indecision happens because you're always afraid to make

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a mistake.

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So what if you make a mistake?

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Everybody makes mistakes.

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Just change your view of what mistakes means.

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Mistakes means an opportunity for you to grow,

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opportunity for you to learn, opportunity for you

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to improve yourself.

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They call it experience these days.

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Opportunity for you to repent, opportunity for you,

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it's always there is a positive, you know,

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link to it.

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So your fear of being or making a

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mistake will destroy your life.

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We have to know how to deal with

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our mistakes, not to run away from it.

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Also, one of the things that I have

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found, it will help you a lot in

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this area, is when people are indecisive, they

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always think about what other people think about

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them.

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So the pause, I don't know how people

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will see, what people will say about me,

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what people will think of me, what people

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will do this, what people will do that.

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Somebody want to buy a car and he

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keeps saying, I don't know, people will think

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what's in my car, but wouldn't they see

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what they're going to say about me?

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And all his life is controlled by some

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other people, by other people.

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And those people enjoying their life and while

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you are suffering in your life because of

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them, because you think about them so much.

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And that's a disease you need to get

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rid of.

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That's the wrong way of thinking about life

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and about people.

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You know, so that's something that it requires

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from you to think, you know, I'm not

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going to make my life in the hand

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or controlled by someone else.

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Sometimes this indecision and being, you know, don't

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know how to move on because of fear

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of delusion sometimes.

00:16:49 --> 00:16:52

Like everything, oh, what if people give me

00:16:52 --> 00:16:53

evil eye?

00:16:53 --> 00:16:54

What if people give me suhur?

00:16:54 --> 00:16:56

What if this happened?

00:16:57 --> 00:17:00

And I'm surprised by the number of people

00:17:00 --> 00:17:03

really can make their life, you know, superstition.

00:17:05 --> 00:17:07

I don't know why, you know, just so

00:17:07 --> 00:17:10

much going on in their superstition area and

00:17:10 --> 00:17:13

like superstitious and, you know, and everything, it

00:17:13 --> 00:17:15

can be bad luck, can be, you know,

00:17:15 --> 00:17:17

a sign of this, a sign of that.

00:17:17 --> 00:17:19

I'm worried about somebody giving me an evil

00:17:19 --> 00:17:19

eye.

00:17:20 --> 00:17:22

Do hasad to me, envy me.

00:17:22 --> 00:17:24

I'm basically again, will make the person always

00:17:24 --> 00:17:26

in that limbo, cannot move on.

00:17:27 --> 00:17:29

What do you need to do is to

00:17:29 --> 00:17:31

have tawakkur Trust in Allah subhanahu wa ta

00:17:31 --> 00:17:33

'ala, especially in this area.

00:17:33 --> 00:17:36

Don't let your life controlled by someone else.

00:17:37 --> 00:17:41

Don't worry about what other think of you

00:17:41 --> 00:17:43

or expect of you.

00:18:05 --> 00:18:06

One of the things that I'll advise you

00:18:06 --> 00:18:12

is sometimes indecision can go round our mind

00:18:12 --> 00:18:18

in circles, creating a downward spiral of indecision.

00:18:20 --> 00:18:22

When this occur, it might be a good

00:18:22 --> 00:18:26

idea to speak to a friend, to speak

00:18:26 --> 00:18:30

and ask a counsel from someone of experience,

00:18:31 --> 00:18:33

someone who have experience or wise.

00:18:34 --> 00:18:37

Ask someone, talk to a friend about it.

00:18:39 --> 00:18:40

Let them help you to get you out

00:18:40 --> 00:18:44

of that circle, that dark hole, that dark

00:18:44 --> 00:18:44

area.

00:18:46 --> 00:18:48

But make sure that you don't go to

00:18:48 --> 00:18:49

someone who add to the problem.

00:18:50 --> 00:18:50

Thank you.

00:18:50 --> 00:18:52

And I'm deeper goes.

00:18:54 --> 00:18:55

Another thing I will advise you if you

00:18:55 --> 00:18:58

have this problem, always when you come to

00:18:58 --> 00:18:59

an issues, you want to make a decision,

00:18:59 --> 00:19:01

put for yourself a time frame.

00:19:03 --> 00:19:03

You know what?

00:19:03 --> 00:19:05

I have myself a week after a week,

00:19:05 --> 00:19:06

I'm going to make a decision.

00:19:06 --> 00:19:07

That's it.

00:19:07 --> 00:19:07

I'm going to move on.

00:19:08 --> 00:19:09

That's it.

00:19:12 --> 00:19:13

What do you guys think?

00:19:13 --> 00:19:14

Or a week or eight days?

00:19:15 --> 00:19:15

I'm not sure.

00:19:18 --> 00:19:21

Just make, you know, make a time and

00:19:21 --> 00:19:21

that's it.

00:19:21 --> 00:19:22

And that will be my time frame.

00:19:23 --> 00:19:25

That day I will make that decision.

00:19:26 --> 00:19:26

You know?

00:19:27 --> 00:19:28

Oh, I'm not sure I want to marry

00:19:28 --> 00:19:28

this woman.

00:19:28 --> 00:19:29

I'm going to marry this man.

00:19:29 --> 00:19:30

I'm back and forth.

00:19:30 --> 00:19:32

But you know what?

00:19:32 --> 00:19:35

That by this month, if it doesn't work,

00:19:35 --> 00:19:35

I'm going to move on.

00:19:37 --> 00:19:38

Just don't stay in that limbo.

00:19:40 --> 00:19:41

One of the things that I'll advise you

00:19:41 --> 00:19:44

if you have this problem, before you deal

00:19:44 --> 00:19:48

with a specific problem, try to teach, especially

00:19:48 --> 00:19:49

if you have this problem, your kids, if

00:19:49 --> 00:19:51

you detect this in your kids in early

00:19:51 --> 00:19:56

age, teach them, expose them to new experience,

00:19:56 --> 00:19:59

new hobbies, doing things that you're not going

00:19:59 --> 00:20:00

to do before.

00:20:00 --> 00:20:00

Why?

00:20:00 --> 00:20:03

Because that will make them conquer their fear,

00:20:03 --> 00:20:07

build their confidence, get out of their comfort

00:20:07 --> 00:20:08

zone to new area.

00:20:09 --> 00:20:12

Push yourself out of that comfort zone.

00:20:12 --> 00:20:15

Because the moment you start dealing with all

00:20:15 --> 00:20:18

these new experience, new maybe hobby, new traveling,

00:20:19 --> 00:20:21

stuff like that, you find yourself becoming more

00:20:21 --> 00:20:23

and more forced to make decision quickly.

00:20:23 --> 00:20:25

And it will help you to grow.

00:20:27 --> 00:20:32

Make sure that you set your priorities clear.

00:20:32 --> 00:20:35

In life, there are always things that we

00:20:35 --> 00:20:36

wouldn't have time to do.

00:20:37 --> 00:20:40

We can't do everything, nor should we try.

00:20:41 --> 00:20:44

What is important is to have a clear

00:20:44 --> 00:20:45

idea of our priorities.

00:20:46 --> 00:20:50

My deen, my family, my relationships, our inner

00:20:50 --> 00:20:53

life, maybe sports, whatever you have in your

00:20:53 --> 00:20:56

life, you have these clear things are a

00:20:56 --> 00:20:57

priority.

00:20:57 --> 00:21:00

And we are faced with decision, we can

00:21:00 --> 00:21:01

quickly refer to our priorities.

00:21:02 --> 00:21:04

So I can make the decision to move

00:21:04 --> 00:21:05

on.

00:21:05 --> 00:21:07

So I'm preparing this khutbah.

00:21:08 --> 00:21:09

Okay.

00:21:10 --> 00:21:13

And I've been getting so much pressure, okay,

00:21:13 --> 00:21:17

to commit to a conference and, you know,

00:21:17 --> 00:21:19

in the holiday season coming up.

00:21:20 --> 00:21:22

So these guys have been calling me, Sheikh,

00:21:23 --> 00:21:24

we've been asking to our conference for the

00:21:24 --> 00:21:25

last five years.

00:21:26 --> 00:21:28

And they've been sending messages, sending people I

00:21:28 --> 00:21:33

know the sweetest ever, you know, words and

00:21:33 --> 00:21:35

people that I really love and respect, and

00:21:35 --> 00:21:35

there's so much pressure.

00:21:37 --> 00:21:39

And I was not, I've been delaying this

00:21:39 --> 00:21:39

for a while.

00:21:39 --> 00:21:41

So today when I make this khutbah, I

00:21:41 --> 00:21:42

made my decision.

00:21:43 --> 00:21:44

You know how I made a decision?

00:21:45 --> 00:21:47

I said, in the Thanksgiving, what's my priority?

00:21:49 --> 00:21:51

To spend time with my family.

00:21:52 --> 00:21:54

Sorry, I can't attend the conference.

00:21:55 --> 00:21:57

Clear, I was able to make the decision

00:21:57 --> 00:21:57

quickly.

00:21:58 --> 00:22:00

Because really, that's what my priority.

00:22:02 --> 00:22:04

Maybe in another time, my priority to make

00:22:04 --> 00:22:04

money.

00:22:06 --> 00:22:07

So you know what, I'm going to accept

00:22:07 --> 00:22:07

this job.

00:22:08 --> 00:22:10

Because that's a critical moment in my life.

00:22:14 --> 00:22:17

And that's basically your decision usually reflect your

00:22:17 --> 00:22:18

priorities.

00:22:18 --> 00:22:19

So be careful.

00:22:20 --> 00:22:25

Because your kids watching you, your spouse watching

00:22:25 --> 00:22:30

you, where do they sit in your priorities?

00:22:32 --> 00:22:34

One of the best cure for this problem

00:22:34 --> 00:22:38

is to have this sense of tawakkul and

00:22:38 --> 00:22:39

trust in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

00:22:40 --> 00:22:42

Take the necessary means, khud bil asbab wa

00:22:42 --> 00:22:47

tawakkar ala Allah, wa thiq bil Allah subhanahu

00:22:47 --> 00:22:49

wa ta'ala, expect nothing but good from

00:22:49 --> 00:22:49

Allah.

00:22:49 --> 00:22:51

Make dua, ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala

00:22:51 --> 00:22:52

to help you.

00:22:52 --> 00:22:53

Ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to put

00:22:53 --> 00:22:54

barakah in your decision.

00:22:54 --> 00:22:55

Pray salatul istikhara.

00:22:57 --> 00:22:58

By the way, a lot of people don't

00:22:58 --> 00:23:02

know that salatul istikhara, salatul istikhara, it's not

00:23:02 --> 00:23:05

about Allah to choose for you.

00:23:05 --> 00:23:06

It's about you choose for yourself.

00:23:07 --> 00:23:09

But you ask Allah to bless your choice.

00:23:09 --> 00:23:10

That's what salatul istikhara is.

00:23:11 --> 00:23:13

It's like when you ask a friend, you're

00:23:13 --> 00:23:15

not asking him to choose for you.

00:23:15 --> 00:23:19

You ask him to guide you, but you

00:23:19 --> 00:23:20

choose for yourself.

00:23:24 --> 00:23:25

May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala guide us

00:23:25 --> 00:23:28

always to what's best for us in our

00:23:28 --> 00:23:28

deen, in our dunya.

00:23:29 --> 00:23:30

May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala give us

00:23:30 --> 00:23:32

the strength always to be productive.

00:23:32 --> 00:23:34

May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala give us

00:23:34 --> 00:23:37

the strength to be always able to move

00:23:37 --> 00:23:40

forward and to be able to correct ourself

00:23:40 --> 00:23:42

and improve ourself and to grant us the

00:23:42 --> 00:23:43

best of manners and the best of akhlaq.

00:23:43 --> 00:23:47

May Allah forgive us our sins, have mercy

00:23:47 --> 00:23:49

on us, forgive us, guide us and honor

00:23:49 --> 00:23:50

us.

00:23:50 --> 00:23:51

May Allah forgive us and our parents.

00:23:52 --> 00:23:53

May Allah forgive us and our parents.

00:23:53 --> 00:23:54

May Allah forgive us and the believers and

00:23:54 --> 00:23:56

the believing women, the living and the dead.

00:23:57 --> 00:23:58

May Allah grant you, O Lord of Glory

00:23:58 --> 00:24:01

and Honor, a quick, quick victory, Ya Hayyu

00:24:01 --> 00:24:03

Ya Qayyum, for our brothers who are weak

00:24:03 --> 00:24:04

in Palestine.

00:24:04 --> 00:24:05

May Allah hasten their liberation.

00:24:06 --> 00:24:07

May Allah hasten their liberation.

00:24:07 --> 00:24:08

May Allah hasten their liberation.

00:24:08 --> 00:24:10

And make the circle of equality for those

00:24:10 --> 00:24:11

who wronged them and deceived them, Ya Hayyu

00:24:11 --> 00:24:12

Ya Qayyum.

00:24:12 --> 00:24:14

May Allah correct the situation of Muslims everywhere.

00:24:14 --> 00:24:16

And remove the fire of war and sedition

00:24:16 --> 00:24:17

from them, O Most Merciful of the Merciful.

00:24:17 --> 00:24:19

O Allah, O Powerful, O Mighty, O Lord

00:24:19 --> 00:24:21

of Glory and Honor, we ask You to

00:24:21 --> 00:24:22

heal the hearts of the believing people.

00:24:23 --> 00:24:25

Strike the wrongdoers with the wrongdoers and bring

00:24:25 --> 00:24:27

out the Muslims who are united, among them

00:24:27 --> 00:24:27

are those who are peaceful.

00:24:28 --> 00:24:29

O Allah, we ask You to lift up

00:24:29 --> 00:24:32

the oppressed brothers in the east and the

00:24:32 --> 00:24:34

west, to relieve the worries of the oppressed

00:24:34 --> 00:24:36

and to relieve the captives of the oppressed,

00:24:36 --> 00:24:37

Ya Hayyu Ya Qayyum.

00:24:46 --> 00:24:48

And O Allah, send blessings and blessings upon

00:24:48 --> 00:24:50

our Prophet Muhammad and his family and his

00:24:50 --> 00:24:50

people.

00:24:50 --> 00:24:51

As-salātu wa-salaam wa-rahmatullāhi wa-barakātuh.

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