Waleed Basyouni – I Used To Be Indecisive But Now I Am Not Sure
AI: Summary ©
The speakers stress the importance of avoiding discouragement from others' actions and solving problems through actions and goals. They stress the need for individuals to have a clear idea of their possibilities and avoid giving up on their emotions. The importance of avoiding confusion and making decisions based on one's beliefs is emphasized.
AI: Summary ©
In the
name of Allah,
the Most Gracious, the Most Merciful.
I bear witness that Allah is the only
one worthy of worship, and Muhammad ﷺ his
last and final messenger.
The Prophet ﷺ walked into his uncle's house,
Abu Talib, witnessing the last few moments of
Abu Talib's life.
And he sat right next to Abu Talib
and he says, O uncle, say a word
or a statement so I can argue on
your behalf on the Day of Judgment.
What do you want him to say?
I bear witness that there is no god
but Allah.
But all these years Abu Talib has been
thinking about it, and he knows that this
is the right decision.
But he's always been hesitant to take that
decision.
I know that the best religion is the
religion of Muhammad ﷺ.
But I'm worried about people's reactions, what they
will say.
Otherwise I would declare my belief in the
Prophet Muhammad ﷺ.
That's what he said.
Guess what?
He ended up dying as a mushrik.
And the Prophet ﷺ could not take him
out of that state of being indecisive.
Being unable to make that decision and take
that step and accept Islam.
I'll continue to ask Allah to forgive you
unless Allah stops me from doing so.
And immediately Allah ﷺ told Muhammad ﷺ, Allah
says in the Qur'an, It is not
allowed for the Prophet and for the believers
to seek for asking forgiveness for those who
die upon kufr.
As they clearly die in front of them
and they die as people of kufr.
They belong to the hellfire.
In the other side of the coin, I
would like to say a very different image.
أَلَمْ يُصَلِّ لِلَّهِ صَلَاةً وَاحِدَةً قَطْ Abu Huraira
used to tell his companions, Who knows the
man, the companion who entered Jannah yet he
never prayed a single prayer?
Who knows who this person is?
Then he said, he is Usayrim Abd al
-Ashhal.
The Usayrim of Bani Abd al-Ashhal.
So Mahmud ibn Labid was asked, who is
it?
Who is Usayrim Bani Abd al-Ashhal?
Who is this man?
He said his name is Amr ibn Thabit
ibn Waqaysh.
This man, what is his story?
This man was always thinking about Islam.
Should I be Muslim?
Should I not be Muslim?
Think about it.
And in the battle of Uhud, when the
mushrikeen came to the Medina, all of a
sudden he entered his house and he said,
you know what, that's it.
He went and he took his sword, he
put his sword around his neck and he
went to the battlefield.
And he started fighting and he got injured
so badly, so his people witnessed the last
moment of his life.
And they said, what brought you?
Did you come and join the battle because
you want to defend your people, because you're
fighting the Meccan or what?
He said, no, I decided to be a
Muslim and to join the deen of Muhammad
ﷺ.
He declared Islam and he went to the
battlefield right away.
And he got injured so badly and he
died.
رضي الله عنه وارضاه Then the Prophet ﷺ
said, هو في الجنة.
He is in Jannah.
Did not even pray a single salat yet.
Couldn't.
What's the difference between this man and this
man?
The second one, his ability to make the
decision and to move forward.
But the other one couldn't make that decision.
Couldn't take that step.
Couldn't bring himself together to move with what
he knows is correct or he think is
correct.
Being indecisive, indecision, it's a big huge problem
that we face sometimes in our life.
And it is a big obstacle in front
of our success in any area.
It's one of the biggest obstacle that hold
you back and prevent you from going forward
and going higher.
I'm not sure.
We all suffer from indecision at times.
If we are not careful, this can become
depleting problem which feeds on itself.
And it became a cycle of doom.
Many people have missed great chance to grow
financially, spiritually, in their family, in many areas.
Why?
Because they couldn't take that decision.
And later on they regret that.
I think that require from us to reflect
upon that problem a little bit.
I believe one of the big reason or
one of the main reason for people to
be indecisive and not able to make decisions
in the right time, that sometimes deep in
your heart you're really not interested in doing
that thing.
ما في رغبة حقيقية في العمل You're not
really really convinced to do it.
And if you're not convinced to do it,
that's why you're always hesitant.
And if this is the case, you need
to gather more information so you can make
a decision.
Either I go with it or I don't
go with it.
But I don't stay in that limbo.
Another reason is the lack of self-confidence.
We worry that we're not good enough for
this.
And I keep telling myself, you know what,
maybe I'm not worth for that.
Maybe I'm not good enough for that game
for sports.
Maybe I'm not good enough for this college.
Maybe I'm not good enough for this man
to marry.
Maybe I'm not good enough to start this
business.
Maybe I'm not smart enough to do that.
And I keep just beating myself up and
look down upon myself.
You know, I'm not gonna be able to
learn the deen.
I'm not gonna be able to do this.
So lack of confidence, by the way, can
be in very different areas in your life.
People have so much confidence in such an
area, but they are very low self-esteem
when it comes to other areas of their
life.
You have, if you really need to be
successful, you have to accept yourself and you
have to trust yourself.
You can't ask people to trust you if
you don't trust yourself.
You can't ask people to believe in you
if you don't believe in yourself.
I love this dua, which the Prophet ﷺ
used to say in the morning and the
night.
اللهم إني أعوذ بك من العجز والكسل.
I ask Allah to protect me from two
things.
العجز, inability.
الكسل, laziness.
Why?
قال العلماء لأن السبب الذي يجعل الناس لا
تعمل العمل إما سبب خارجي وإما سبب داخلي.
What prevent you from doing what is right,
either something from outside you, and that what
make you incapable, عجز.
Something outside your control prevent you from doing
what you want.
Or sometimes you don't achieve what you want,
not because something from outside, it's from inside,
which is كسل, laziness.
What prevent you from being successful is come
from inside you.
And part of that, not being confident.
And here's some practical points that will help
you to be more assertive, help you to
be a person who is decisive, person who
can make decision and move on.
Number one, if you have this problem, please
admit it.
At least don't try to deny it.
As this guy said that day, he said,
You know, I used to be indecisive, but
I'm not sure if I'm anymore.
You know?
Yeah, exactly.
You know, you are, just admitting it.
Sometimes you just try to deny it.
And sometimes you deny it in a smart
way.
What is it?
Oh, this is wisdom.
You know, I'm just being wise person.
And you justify basically this problem, بتلبسها للباس
ليس بلباسها.
You put it in a frame which is
wrong frame.
I'm just being careful.
I'm just being smart.
I'm just being, you know, wise person.
Indecision may or may not be a problem.
So if it is a problem, if it
is a hindrance, if it is preventing you
to move on, and you stay in that
limbo, it is a problem and a bad
thing.
Also, if you want to move on, make
sure you have goals.
The people who always indecisive, the people who
have this problem, they don't have a clarity
in their goals.
That's why they are like in limbo.
I'm not sure if I wanna have a
goal.
And that's been inspired by these goals and
dreams that you want to achieve.
You know, if there is something that make
you confused, ask yourself, would that help me
to reach my goal?
Would that help me to achieve that goal?
And you will find yourself moving forward with
your decisions.
Goals is a very strong energy, give you
a very positive energy.
Those people who are goal-oriented can move
quickly and faster.
Also, as you put a goal, you have
to have a plan, how I'm gonna achieve
it.
And with the moment you start thinking this
way, all your life, I have a goal
and I have a plan, how I'm gonna
achieve that goal.
And when you start thinking this way, you
will find yourself moving faster and moving more
decisive.
One of the things that will help you
to get rid of this problem, take actions.
Take actions, take actions.
They say, conquer your fear through actions.
100%.
Learn how to take actions.
I learned in my life that indecision is
often worse than wrong actions.
I'll say that again.
I learned in my life that indecision, and
many times in my life, they're worse than
making the wrong decision.
Being just in the limbo like that, it's
worse than making a decision.
Because you know what?
This is my attitude, and I wish that
we all have this attitude.
My attitude in life is, I always win.
If I get it right, I'm winning.
And if I get it wrong, I what?
I learn.
So either I learn, I win, or I
learn.
So I'm always winner.
So that's a pound.
So many times when you stay in that
limbo and you waste so much of your
time and energy and effort, and you never
move.
You lose so much, and you lose people
around you.
Especially if you're in a leadership position.
Sometimes both options can work.
Also, one of the thing that I think
it is one of the most self-destruction
thing that you can ever have, is perfectionism.
It's the art of blaming yourself.
Just being perfectionist.
Everything has to be 100%, 200% correct.
حتى الشريعة احكامها لا تبنى على المئة بالمئة.
يعني even our rules in sharia is not
based on 100%.
Our rules in sharia is مبنى على غلبة
الظن.
What's most likely is the right thing.
All our rules in sharia are almost like
95-97% of our rules like that.
That's how life is.
So please make sure that you try to...
That attitude of perfectionism is make the people
not to make decisions and move on.
Also one of the thing that I will
say, sometimes we are indecisive.
Indecision happen because you're always afraid to make
a mistake.
So what if you make a mistake?
كل بني آدم خطأ.
Everybody makes mistakes.
Just change your view of what mistakes means.
Mistakes means an opportunity for you to grow.
Opportunity for you to learn.
Opportunity for you to improve yourself.
They call it experience these days.
Opportunity for you to repent.
Opportunity for you...
It's always there is a positive link to
it.
So your fear of making a mistake will
destroy your life.
We have to know how to deal with
our mistakes, not to run away from it.
Also one of the thing that I found,
it will help you a lot in this
area, is when people indecisive, they always think
about what other people think about them.
So they pause, I don't know, how people
will see, what people will say about me,
what people will think of me, what people
will do this, what people will do that.
Somebody want to buy a car, and he
keeps saying, I don't know, people will think
what of my car, when they see what
they're gonna say about me.
And all his life is controlled by other
people.
And those people enjoying their life, and while
you are suffering in your life because of
them.
Because you think about them so much.
That's a disease you need to get rid
of.
That's a wrong way of thinking about life,
and about people.
So that's something that it requires from you
to think, I'm not gonna make my life
in the hand or control by someone else.
Sometimes this indecision, and being don't know how
to move on, because of fear of delusion
sometimes.
Like everything, oh, what if people give me
evil eye?
What if people give me suhur?
What if this happen?
And I'm surprised by the number of people
really can make their life superstition.
I don't know, just so much going on
in their superstition area, and like superstitious, and
everything it can be, bad luck can be
a sign of this, a sign of that.
I'm worried about somebody giving me an evil
eye.
Do hasad to me, envy me.
And basically again, will make the person always
in that limbo, cannot move on.
What you need to do is to have
tawakkul an Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
Trust in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
Especially in this area.
Don't let your life controlled by someone else.
Don't worry about what other think of you,
or expect of you.
May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala an yurzuqana
wa ayyakum al-thabat wa al-quwa.
Aqulu ma samaitum wa astaghfirullaha li walakum fastaghfiru.
Alhamdulillahi wahdahu wa s-salatu wa s-salamu
ala man la nabiya ba'dahu wa ba'd.
One of the thing that I'll advise you,
sometimes indecision can go round our mind in
circles.
Creating downward spiral of indecision.
When this occur, it might be a good
idea to speak to a friend.
To speak and ask a counsel from someone
of experience.
Someone who have experience or wise.
Ask someone.
Talk to a friend about it.
Let them help you to get you out
of that circle.
That dark hole.
That dark area.
But make sure that you don't go to
someone who add to the problem.
Make it deeper.
Another thing I will advise you if you
have this problem.
Always when you come to an issues, you
want to make a decision, put for yourself
a time frame.
You know what?
I have myself a week.
After a week, I'm going to make a
decision.
That's it.
I'm going to move on.
That's it.
What do you guys think?
A week or eight days?
I'm not sure.
No, just make a time and that's it.
And that will be my time frame.
That day I will make that decision.
You know?
Oh, I'm not sure I want to marry
this woman.
I want to marry this man.
I'm there back and forth.
But khalas.
You know what?
That by this month, if it doesn't work,
I'm going to move on.
Just don't stay that limbo.
One thing that I'll advise you if you
have this problem.
Before you deal with a specific problem, try
to teach, especially if you have this problem
in your kids.
If you detect this in your kids in
early age, teach them, expose them to new
experience, new hobbies.
Doing things that you're not going to do
before.
Why?
Because that will make them conquer their fear.
Build their confidence.
Get out of their comfort zone to new
area.
Push yourself out of that comfort zone.
Because the moment you start dealing with all
these new experience, new maybe hobby, new traveling,
stuff like that, you find yourself become more
and more forced to make decision quickly.
And it will help you to grow.
Make sure that you set your priorities clear.
In life there are always things that we
wouldn't have time to do.
We can't do everything nor should we try.
What is important is to have a clear
idea of our priorities.
My deen, my family, my relationships, our inner
life, maybe sports, whatever you have in your
life.
You have these clear things as a priority.
And we are faced with decision, we can
quickly refer to our priorities.
So I can make the decision and move
on.
In fact, I'm preparing this khutbah.
And I've been getting so much pressure to
commit to a conference in the holiday season
coming up.
So these guys have been calling me, Sheikh,
we've been asking you to our conference for
the last five years.
And they've been sending messages, sending people I
know the sweetest ever words and people that
I really love and respect.
And there's so much pressure.
And I've been delaying this for a while.
So today when I make this khutbah, I
made my decision.
You know how I made a decision?
I said, in the Thanksgiving, what's my priority?
To spend time with my family.
Sorry, I can't attend the conference.
Clear, I was able to make the decision
quickly.
Because really that's what my priority.
Maybe in another time my priority is to
make money.
So you know what, I'm gonna accept this
job.
Because that's a critical moment of my life.
And that's basically your decision usually reflect your
priorities.
So be careful.
Because your kids watching you.
Your spouse watching you.
Where do they sit in your priorities?
One of the best cure for this problem
is to have this sense of tawakkul and
trust in Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
Take the necessary means.
Expect nothing but good from Allah.
Make dua.
Ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to help
you.
Ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to put
barakah in your decision.
Pray salatul istikhara.
By the way, a lot of people don't
know that salatul istikhara, salatul istikhara, it's not
about Allah to choose for you.
It's about you choose for yourself.
But you ask Allah to bless your choice.
That's what salatul istikhara is.
It's like when you ask a friend.
You're not asking him to choose for you.
You ask him to guide you.
But you choose for yourself.
May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala guide us
always to its best.
For us in our deen and our dunya.
May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala give us
the strength always to be productive.
May Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala give us
the strength to be always able to move
forward.
And to be able to correct ourselves and
improve ourselves.
And to grant us the best of manners
and the best of akhlaaq.
May Allah forgive us our sins.
May Allah have mercy on us.
May Allah forgive us.
May Allah guide us.
May Allah honor us.
May Allah forgive us and our parents.
May Allah forgive us and our parents.
May Allah forgive us and the believers.
The living and the dead.
May Allah grant you victory, a quick victory,
Ya Hayyu Ya Qayyum, for our weak brothers
in Palestine.
May Allah make the circle of equality for
those who wronged them and deceived them.
Ya Hayyu Ya Qayyum.
May Allah correct the situation of the Muslims
everywhere.
And remove the fire of war and sedition
from them, Ya Arham Ar-Rahimeen.
O Allah, O Powerful, O Mighty.
O Lord of Glory and Honor.
We ask You to heal the hearts of
the believing people.
Hit the wrongdoers with the wrongdoers.
And bring out the Muslims who are united
from among them and who are oppressed.
O Allah, we ask You to lift up
our oppressed brothers in the east and the
west.
To relieve the worries of the oppressed.
And to relieve the captives of the oppressed.
Ya Hayyu Ya Qayyum.
O Allah, grant us our choice.
And keep us away from our evil.
O Allah, grant us our choice.
And keep us away from our evil.
O Allah, grant us our choice.
And keep us away from our evil.
And send blessings and peace and blessings upon
our Prophet Muhammad and his family.
And stand up for prayer, O Allah.
Allah is the Greatest, Allah is the Greatest.
I bear witness that there is no god
but Allah.
I bear witness that Muhammad is the Messenger
of Allah.
Come to prayer, come to success.
The prayer has been done, the prayer has
been done.
Allah is the Greatest, Allah is the Greatest.
There is no god but Allah.
Just very quickly, tonight, inshallah, Friday night at
7.30, we'll be with our beloved Dr.
Tariq Hussain, and it is Palestine in our
hearts.