Waleed Basyouni – How the Prophet – SAW Dealt with Problems at Home
AI: Summary ©
AI: Transcript ©
All praise due to Allah and his praise
and blessings and peace be upon our Prophet
Muhammad sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, his family, his
companions and his followers until the Day of
Judgment.
I bear witness that Allah is the only
one worthy of worship and Muhammad sallallahu alayhi
wa sallam his last and final messenger.
My dear brothers and sisters, there is no
doubt that inside our homes there will be
always time of challenges.
Every home and every house will have some
issues that it will, things will not go
smooth, disagreement, argument, you know, fight sometimes, you
know, every house has this problem.
The problem inside the house, it's part of
the package, part of life.
Even in Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam's house
did not, was not free from these challenges,
from this moment of tension, of disagreement sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam between him and his family
members sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
So let's see, the problem, the issue is
not having a problem or not.
The point is how you deal with the
problems.
The point is not to have challenges in
life or not.
We're all going to have challenges, but how
you deal with these challenges.
The point is not if you're going to
fail or not.
You know, the point is how can you
stand up again on your feet.
So that's the, always there is, will be
challenges in life.
The thing that we need to focus on
is how to deal with them, how to
deal with these challenges and how to fix
the things that gone wrong.
And this is just a, you know, random
thoughts, but it's very clear in the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam's life.
Number one, so many times Nabi sallallahu alayhi
wa sallam will cool things down immediately by
just smiling and having a face of, you
know, a pleasant person and a calm person.
Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam will smile and
will let things go.
So Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam once, Aisha
told him, where were you at?
Where were you?
I was at Umm Salama's house.
She said to him, you never, you know,
enough with Umm Salama, always Umm Salama, Umm
Salama, Umm Salama, you never get enough of
her?
And Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam smiled and
he just changed his sadr.
You know, he didn't say how dare you
say that, he knows that she became jealous.
And Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in his
house, in one of his wife's house, so
another one of his wife sent food in
a plate.
So the wife that were, she's hosting the
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and his guest,
I just want you to imagine this, Nabi
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam with his guest sitting
and food came from one of his other
wife, sent food.
His wife, where the guest are, where the
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is sitting, felt
jealous and kind of insulted.
Why he sent food in my house?
She sent food in my house, I know
how to take care of my guests, why
she want to show off in front of
the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam?
She got jealous and she kicked the plate
from the servant's hand.
The plate fall, broke, and the food on
the floor.
Can you imagine in front of the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and the sahab?
If this happened to you, how would you
react?
And Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam smiled and
he looked at his friend and he said,
غارة أمكم غارة أمكم.
Your mother is jealous.
That's it, with that smile, she is jealous.
And he basically collected the food and in
one narration he put the two pieces together,
he put the food in it and he
brought it to them to eat.
So Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam had this
a lot, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
Many incidents where Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
will end the conflict instantly by just smiling
and calm down and let things to calm
down.
That concept of التغافل أحياناً, also sometimes Nabi
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam will let things go.
He notice it, he see it, but he
will not pick on everything.
تسعة أعشار الحياة في التغافل.
Nine out of ten times you need to
learn how to let things go.
And I'm talking about small things.
You know, let the small things go.
Don't pick on everything, don't pick on every
fight, you can't, it's so exhausted.
So your husband, he's not gonna be 100
% fixed, she's not gonna be 100%.
You know, so we need to let small
things go.
And sometimes Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam will
not engage in back and forth.
We'll just let it go and let it,
you know, happen and later on maybe he
will address it, maybe on it will die
out.
So once Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was
sitting with his wife Aisha and Hafsa and
Zaynab and some other of the Prophet sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam.
And they were at Aisha's house.
Then Zaynab kind of tried to hold the
Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam hand.
Then Aisha said, why would you hold his
hand like that in front of us?
You know, kind of back and forth.
And their voices became risen.
The salah was called, iqamah was called.
Abu Bakr radiyallahu anhu heard the voices loud.
So he came inside and said, Ya Rasulallah,
uhthu fee afwaha himna al-turab, ta'al
basri al-salat.
Hey, like shut them up kind of, you
know, if I want to translate to English.
And just leave them and come to the
salah.
And the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam did
not make any comment.
Did not reprimand them.
He just let the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa
sallam walk to the masjid.
He led the prayer, came back and things
got much better.
Then Aisha radiyallahu anhu, she said, oh my
God, now my father will finish the salah
and come reprimand me so hard.
So harsh.
He will give me a hard time after
salah.
And he did, Abu Bakr radiyallahu anhu, teach
her a lesson.
That's not how you should be and behave.
But Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam understand that
she's young, understand that there is a tense
moment.
Abu Bakr was not there when this incident
taking place.
Then Abu Bakr later there, he saw them
laughing with each other.
And Abu Bakr said, I was part of
your war.
Now I should be part of your peace.
I mean, the good time and the bad
time.
And that's also another method that Nabi sallallahu
alayhi wa sallam used to do.
And Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam, when there
is a tension moment, he will not let
to control the whole life.
It will be for a short period of
time.
Then after that, Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
later on, will engage another conversation.
Let's say you have a tension moment between
you and your son, between you and your
daughter, between you and your spouse.
You know what?
You don't need every, the whole entire day,
next day.
You just keep repeating the same thing.
There is so many other thing you can
bring it up and you move on.
And you know what?
Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was smiling and
laughing and having a good time with them
later on after that, sallallahu alayhi wa sallam.
Sometimes Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam will engage
also in dialogue.
He will engage sallallahu alayhi wa sallam in
talking and explaining.
Sometimes you can just ignore it.
You cannot just smile and move.
Sometimes you need to talk just to give
them, you know, to explain things, to explain
yourself.
Sometimes you need to hear from them.
And that also Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam
will do that in many incidents, sallallahu alayhi
wa alayhi wa sallam.
For instance, Aisha radiallahu anha said, kharaja min
indiha laylan, kala faghirtu alayhi, faja'a fara
'a ma asna, fa kala ma laki ya
Aisha, fa kala tuwa ma li, kala aghirti
ya Aisha, kala wa ma li la yagharu
mithli ala mithlik.
Aisha radiallahu anha said, one night the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam left and I was
jealous.
And I was like watching from the moon.
He came back and he saw me like
this.
He said, are you jealous?
She said, why I wouldn't be.
Someone like me would definitely be jealous over
someone like you.
Then Nabi sallallahu alayhi wa sallam said, ja
'a ki shaytaanu ki.
He said, your shaytaan just keep whispering to
you, make you upset, make you worry, make
you, you know.
And that sometimes the shaytaan make the person
have all these thoughts, which is not true.
No base for it.
But the shaytaan put it in your head,
just to make you angry, to ruin your
moment, to make you have an anxiety, to
be stressed out.
Then she said, ya Rasulallah, awa ma'i
shaytaan?
Ya Rasulallah, I have a shaytaan with me.
He said, yeah, everyone has a shaytaan.
Then she said, what about you?
Do you have a shaytaan also assigned to
you?
He said, yes, but my shaytaan, Allah have
held me against him, against that shaytaan, fa
aslam.
Fa aslam, the ulama have two ways to
translate that, because two ways to understand this
statement.
Fa aslam, yaani I will be protected from
this shaytaan, cannot whisper to me.
Or aslam, yaani the shaytaan converted to Islam,
become a Muslim, fa huwa la ya'muruni illa
bi khayr.
He only ask me to say or to
do what is right.
Ibn Umar radiyallahu anhu arda, yaqul anna Safiyya,
kaana Rasulallah sallallahu alayhi wa sallam abghadurrijali ilayh.
Safiyya bint Huyayy, the Prophet's wife, before he
married her, she said, I hated the Prophet
sallallahu alayhi wa sallam so much, before she
married him, before she became Muslim.
Why?
She said, because he killed my husband, my
father, my people, and her uncle too.
So her husband, her father, her uncle, and
her people, killed by the Prophet sallallahu alayhi
wa sallam.
And she said, that's why I hated him
so much.
Then Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala opened her
heart to Islam, and she became Muslim, and
the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam married her.
So the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam one
time told her, so he make sure to
make the point to clear the air, to
clear whatever in the mind.
He said, you know why I killed your
father?
innahu allaba al'araba wa fa'ala wa
fa'ad.
Because your father was actively recruiting the Arabs,
and bringing them together against me, and against
the Muslims.
And he betrayed the Muslims.
And he did, and he did.
Taqul Safiyya radiallahu anha, hatta dahaba ma fee
nafsi.
And that explanation from the Prophet sallallahu alayhi
wa sallam have cleared my mind and heart
completely, 100%.
Sometimes the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam needed
to give admonition.
Sometimes you need to advise your son, your
daughter, not to lecture them.
There is a difference between lecturing them and
reminding them of Allah.
Your wife, your husband, just to remind them
of Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
And you don't do this because I'm your
wife, because I'm your husband, because I'm your
father, because I'm your son or daughter.
No, you do this for Allah first and
foremost, that Allah will hold you accountable for
it.
Once Aisha radiallahu anha, they were mentioned of
Safiyya.
Qalat hasbuka min Safiyya hadha, ha kadha.
What do you want of Safiyya?
She's like this.
And she said, she's short, petite, short.
Then the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam was
angry because he was not allowed backbiting.
Qal laqad kunti kalimah, law muzijat bima'il
bahr la mazajat.
You just have said something, even though she
didn't pronounce words, she just made a hand
gesture.
She said, you said something, if you would
mix it with the sea, it will make
the sea rotten, smell bad.
How bad this is?
It's a backbite and it's not allowed.
And he reprimanded her so strongly.
So she repented to Allah subhanahu wa ta
'ala from such statement.
You know, sometimes there are certain things cannot
just go without making a point, making the
point, making a comment and reminding people of
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala that this is
haram, this is not allowed.
And that's an important thing.
You know, not everything can be just left.
But also, if you have a son or
a daughter, you have a husband or a
wife, then they do a lot of haram
things, a lot of things which is not
correct.
You can't also pick all of them because
every time I see your face, hey, your
hijab is not good.
Hey, you can't be watching this.
Hey, you can't be listening to this.
Hey, you cannot be in a company of
this.
Hey, your shoes is not the...
Hey, the pictures that you have.
Oh, khalas.
Every time I see your face is about,
you know, you're going to bring something up.
So you have also to choose your battle
wisely with your children, with your in-laws,
with your spouse, you know, with your friends.
You have to choose your battle wisely.
What battle that you want to pick because
you cannot deal with all of them at
once, even if they are something haram.
You have to be smart on how to
choose that.
Another thing that I found the Prophet ﷺ
clear in the Prophet ﷺ life, the Prophet
ﷺ check assumptions.
So many times we just rush to accuse,
rush to judge.
And sometimes I'm guilty of that.
You know, I know one of my girls
have this habit, okay?
She always forget to close things.
She will open the freezer or not close
the freezer.
She will open a bag and she will
leave the bag not sealed.
Then you have the cheese get like, you
know, dry or the bread get dry, whatever.
And you get a little bit upset about
that.
So every time when I see this, I
said, hey, so-and-so, my daughter.
I said, didn't I tell you before to,
you know, to basically to seal the thing
or to close the box?
And she said, Baba, that wasn't me.
But I already accused, that's wrong.
Don't accuse, just ask, clarify.
Have a zhulm, it's not right.
Ask before you judge.
You remember the father who saw his son
has two apples and he told him, can
you share one of them?
Can you give me one?
The son took a bite from each one
of them.
Then he said, hey, you're sharing with your
father.
I bought all the apple and he gave
him all the lessons about his history and
how he spent all this money and you
even don't want to share an apple.
And he said, no, actually, Baba, I was
just trying to see which one's sweeter to
share it with you or to give it
to you.
That's why I took a bite from each
one.
Check your assumption.
Don't rush to judge.
When hadith al-ifkha happened, he asked Aisha.
When something raised, ask.
Clarify before you judge.
Also, an-Nabi ﷺ, fair.
And just, you know, when that wife of
his broke the plate that I told you
the story earlier, an-Nabi ﷺ said, now
get one of your plates and give it
to her.
You broke her plate, you give her one
of yours.
Fair ﷺ.
While he's sick ﷺ, he will be carried
ﷺ by his companions to move from one
house to another.
So he will be fair with all of
them.
May Allah ﷻ correct our situation and our
homes.
I say what you have heard.
I seek forgiveness of Allah for me and
you.
Seek forgiveness.
All praise is due to Allah alone.
Peace and blessings be upon the Prophet ﷺ.
One of the ways of the Prophet ﷺ
in things that are not forbidden is to
be ready to compromise.
You know, one of the worst things in
a relationship, especially in marriage, when each one
stands at one point and says, I'm not
going to compromise.
It doesn't work this way.
Everybody is willing to do some compromise.
We meet somewhere in the middle.
So when the Prophet ﷺ will compromise in
things that has nothing to do with the
deen.
For instance, the Prophet ﷺ, when one of
his wife just complained about the smell of
the food that he likes, the food that
he likes and he likes to eat.
She said, إِنِّي أَجِدُ مِنكَ رِيحًا غَافِيرٌ It
smells bad.
The Prophet ﷺ said, خَلَصُ Wallahi, I will
not eat this food again.
He didn't say, you know what?
That's your problem.
No.
He said, okay, I'm not going to eat
this.
Is it something you can compromise?
Compromise.
And by the way, compromise cannot be always
expected from one side, from the husband only
or from the wife.
It has to be exchangeable.
Also, the Prophet ﷺ, one of the things
also that he will do, sometimes he give
multiple, he always try to give options.
And even if the options is multiple options.
When Sawda, for example, things became, you know,
reach to a level of divorce, he give
her the option to stay as a wife,
divorce or maybe stay.
But she said, I will stay, Ya Rasulallah,
but I will give my night to Aish.
So it was an option.
He said, ﷺ, to some of his wives
when they came and said, Ya Rasulallah, نَسْأَلُكَ
النَّفَقَ We want money.
We want more money.
This life is very hard like this.
We need some money, extra money.
This life is very hard.
And the Prophet ﷺ is not gonna be
basically going to work and he's so occupied
ﷺ.
And they were so demanding about the issue
of nafqah, about money.
And the Prophet ﷺ is not like the
rest of us.
His lifestyle is very different than any other
companion.
None of the Sahaba lived like him.
And this is only for the Prophet ﷺ
life.
So he said, if you can't live like
this lifestyle, you have a point.
This lifestyle is not for everyone.
But if that's what you can't do and
you want to live just a regular life
and money and income and blah, blah, blah,
فَتَعَالَيْنُ أُمَتِّعْكُنَّ وَأُسَرِّحْكُنَّ سَرَاحًا جَمِيلًۭ I will give
you money and I will let you go.
You can't be my wife.
Because the Prophet ﷺ is not gonna turn
to be someone who making money and income
and run after the dunya.
He can't do that ﷺ.
So he gave her option.
And I will end with this.
Or quickly, two quick points.
One of the thing also the Prophet ﷺ,
divorce was an option to solve the problem.
For instance, the Prophet ﷺ have divorce Umaymah
bint Nu'man.
She's so arrogant.
She see herself something special, beautiful.
And she married the Prophet ﷺ.
Then when she saw the Prophet ﷺ, she
kind of said, and she see herself younger
and younger.
And she was not very comfortable.
And when the Prophet ﷺ approach her, she
said, أَعُوذُ بِاللَّهِ مِنكِ O Allah, protect me
from you.
Then the Prophet ﷺ said, قَلْ عِذْتِ بِمُعَارِ
And the Prophet ﷺ said, you have asked
refugee and seek protection from someone who's the
most high.
Go back to your friend.
Come, it's no problem.
You're not comfortable with this marriage, go back
to your friend.
Why did she agree in the beginning?
He divorce Hafsa r.a. Then he took
her back.
So divorce can be a solution to the
problem.
Don't rush to it.
But it can be.
Because sometimes what I don't like to see,
especially if some people come to me, with
clear sign, it's not gonna work out.
They stay, especially if there is kids will
be involved in the future.
Four, five years, five, six years she comes
back to me in the same office.
يا شيخ يا حبيبتي أنا I told you
six years ago.
When you came to me, that's not gonna
work.
Now you have two extra kids with you.
That's the only difference.
Sometimes, you know what?
That's the solution.
That's what it is.
I need to move on.
So that's also a way that the Prophet
s.a.w. found it as a solution
to the problem.
But don't rush to it because we're living
in a time now where divorces became so
easy and became like the trend of these
days.
You find the Prophet s.a.w. never
used physical reprimanding them physically ever.
The Prophet s.a.w. never used his
hand.
ما ضرب النبسة امرأة قط Problem cannot be
solved by beating and hitting.
Your kids, your spouse, doesn't work this way.
By being insulting, being disrespectful.
But the Prophet s.a.w. also sometimes
he solved the problem by simply s.a
.w. avoiding the person.
جلس مرة شهر One whole month in his
masjid did not go to his wife's family's
house.
He just avoided them until they rethink themselves
and basically things go back to normal.
Sometimes that can be also a way to
solve the problem.
There is so many to learn from the
Prophet s.a.w. But we must look
at the Prophet s.a.w.'s life as
a source of guidance in all aspects of
our life.
And that's one of it.
And it's an important part of our life.
Strong family means a strong community.
Strong community means strong society.
May Allah s.w.t. fill our homes
with success.
Fill our home with happiness.
اللهم إنا نسألك السعادة والنجاح والفلاح لأهلنا وأزواجنا
وأولادنا وذرياتنا يا أرحم الراحمين اللهم قنا وإياهم
شر الفتن ما ظهر منها والوطن اللهم أصلح
أزواجنا وذرياتنا اللهم أصلح أزواجنا وذرياتنا ربنا اجعلنا
من مقيم الصلاة ومن ذرياتنا يا أرحم الراحمين
اللهم إنا نسألك الهدى والتقى والعفافة والغنى وأن
تؤتي نفوسنا تقواها وأن تزكيها أنت خير من
زكاها أنت وليها مولاها اللهم يا حي يا
قيوم يا ذا الجلال والإكرام نسألك فرجاً عاجلاً
لإخواننا في فلسطين اللهم انصرهم على من
عاداهم وظلمهم واجعل دائرة تسوي على من ظلمهم
وخذلهم يا ذا الجلال والإكرام اللهم إنا نسألك
يا ذا الجلال والإكرام أن تفرج كربهم وتنفس
كربهم وأن تفرج همهم وأن تشرح صدورهم وأن
تقوي عزمهم وأن تجمع كلمتهم على الحق والهدى
يا ذا الجلال والإكرام اللهم إنا نسألك يا
حي يا قيوم أن تجرأ نار الحرب والفتنة
بين المسلمين في كل مكان في السودان وغيرها
من البلاد يا ذا الجلال والإكرام اللهم ارحمك
بالمستضعفين المظلومين المقهورين المسجدين ظلما في كل مكان
اللهم أنزل علينا في مسجدنا هذا رحمتك وبركاتك
يا ذا الجلال والإكرام وآمنا في أوطاننا واستعمل
علينا خيارنا وولي علينا خيارنا وابدعنا شرارنا وأصلح
من وليته أمرنا ووليته أمر المسلمين يا ذا
الجلال والإكرام وصل اللهم وسلم وبارك على نبينا
محمد وعلى آله وصحبه وقوموا بالصلاة يا رحمكم
الله