Waleed Basyouni – How the Prophet Muhammad Dealt with Problems at Home
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AI: Transcript ©
All praise due to Allah and his praise
and blessings and peace be upon our prophet
Muhammad
his family, his companions, and his followers until
the day of judgment.
I bear witness that Allah is the only
one worthy of worship and Muhammad
his last and final messenger.
My dear brothers and sisters,
there is no doubt that inside our homes,
there will be always time of challenges.
Every home and every house
will have some issues
that it will things will not go smooth,
disagreement,
argument,
you know,
fight sometimes.
You know, every house has this problem.
Problem inside the house, it's part of the
package,
part of life.
Even Nabi sallallahu alaihi wa sallam's house
did not was not free
from these challenges, from this moment of tension,
of disagreement,
sallallahu alaihi wa sallam, between him and his
family members, sallallahu alaihi wa sallam.
So let's see. The problem the issue is
not having a problem or not.
The point is how you deal with the
problems.
The point is not to have challenges in
life or not. We're all going to have
challenges. But how you deal with these challenges?
The point is not if you're gonna fail
or not. You know, the point is how
can you stand up again in your feet.
So that's the the always there is will
be challenges in life. The the thing that
we need to focus on is how to
deal with them, how to deal with these
challenges and how to
fix the things that gone wrong.
And this is just,
you know, random thoughts, but it's very clear
in the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam's life.
Number 1,
so many times Nabi sallallahu alaihi wa sallam,
well, cool things down immediately
by just smiling
and having
a face
of, you know,
a a pleasant
person
and a calm person.
Will smile and would let things
go.
So
once
Aisha told him, where where you at? Where
you where?
I
was at
house.
She
said to him, you never any,
enough, with
Yeah. And you never get any enough of
her? Then Nabi
smiled and he just changed the subject.
You know, he didn't say, how dare you
say this? He knows that she became jealous.
In Nabi sallallahu alaihi wa sallam in his
house,
and and in one of his wife's house.
So another one of his wife sent food
in a plate.
So the wife that were she's hosting the
prophet
and his guests. I just want you to
imagine this. In Nabi salalam with his guests
sitting,
and food came from one of his other
wives, sent food.
His wife, where the guests are, where the
prophet is sitting, felt jealous
and kind of
insulted. Why he send food in my house?
She send food in my house. I know
how to take care of my guests. Why
she wanna show off in front of the
prophet wasalam? She got jealous and she kicked
the
plate from the servant's hand. The plate fall,
broke, and the food on the floor. Can
you imagine front of the prophet and the
sahaba?
If this happened to you, how would you
react?
Smiled, and he looked at his friend, and
he said,
Your mother is jealous.
That's it. With that smile, she said she's
jealous.
And he basically collected the food. In one
narration, he put the 2 pieces together,
you know, and he put the food in
in it, and he brought it to them
to eat.
So,
had this a lot, sallallahu
alaihi
wa sallam.
Many incident where Nabi
will end the conflict instantly by just smiling
and come down and let things to come
down.
That concept of
also sometimes in Nabi
will let things go.
He notice it, he see it, but he
will not pick
on everything.
9 out of 10 times you need to
learn how to let things go. And I'm
talking about small things.
You know, let the small things go. Don't
pick on everything. Don't pick on every fight.
You can't. It's so exhausted.
So your husband, he's not going to be
a 100% fixed. She's not going to be
a 100%.
You know, so we need to let small
things go.
And sometimes Nabi
will not engage him back and forth. Well,
just let it go
and let it, you know, happen and later
on maybe he will address it, maybe on
it will die out.
So once Nabi
Sahih Muslim was sitting with his wife Aisha
and Hafsa and Zainab and some other of
the Prophet
And they were at Aishin's house.
Then Zaynab kinda tried to hold the prophet
hand, then Aishin said, why would you hold
his hand like that in front of us?
You know, kind of back and forth.
And their voices became risen.
The salah was called. Ikama was called.
Abu Bakr radiAllahu and heard the voices loud,
so he came inside and said,
Hey. Like, shut them up, kind of, you
know, if I wanna translate to English.
And just leave them and come to the
salah.
Nabi shalom did not make any comment, did
not reprimand them. He just
Nabi shalom walked to the Masjid, he led
the prayer, came back, and things got much
better.
Then Aisha radiAllan, she said, oh my god.
Now my father will finish the salah and
come reprimand me so hard. So harsh.
He will yeah. And he give me a
hard time after Salah. And he did Abu
Bakr radiAllahu. Teach her a lesson. That's not
how you should be and behave.
But didn't Nabi sallallahu alaihi wa sallam understand
that she's young, understand that there is a
tense moment. Abu Bakr was not there when
this incident taking place. Then Abu Bakr later
there, he saw them laughing with each other.
And then Abu Bakr said, I was part
of your war, now I should be part
of your peace. You need the good time
and the bad time. And that's also another
method that Nabi
used to do. In Nabi used to do.
In Nabi used to do, when there is
a tension moment,
he will not let to control the whole
life.
It will be for a a short period
of time, then after that, Nabi used to
let later on, will engage another conversation. Let's
say you have a tension moment between you
and your son, between you and your daughter,
between you and your spouse.
You know what? You don't need every the
whole entire day, next day, you just keep
repeating the same thing. There is so many
other thing you can bring it up and
you move on.
And you know what? Hindabi was smiling and
laughing and having a good time with with
them later on after that.
Sometimes Hindabi
will engage also in dialogue.
He will engage
in talking
and explaining.
Sometimes you can just ignore it. You cannot
just smile and move.
Sometimes you need to talk just to give
them, you know, to explain things, to explain
yourself.
Sometimes you need to hear from them.
And that also Nabi salallahu alayhi wa sallam
will do that in many incident.
For instance,
Aisha radiAllahu anha said,
Actually, said, one night, I the prophet left
and I was jealous,
and I was, like, watching for him. When
he came back and he saw me like
this, he said, are you jealous? She said,
why I wouldn't be?
Someone like me would definitely be jealous over
someone like you.
Said,
He said, your shaitan just was keep whispering
to you, make you upset, make you worry,
make you, you know and that sometimes the
shaytan make the person have all these thoughts
which is not true.
No base for it. But the shaytan put
it in your head
just to make you angry, to ruin your
moment, to make you have an anxiety, to
be stressed out.
Then she said, You Rasoolallah,
oh, I'm married shaitan.
You Rasoolallah, I have a shaitan with me.
He said, Yeah. Everyone has a shaitan. Then
she said, What about you? Do you have
a shaitan also assigned to you? He said,
Yes. But my shaitan, Allah have held me
against him, against that shaytan for Islam.
For Islam, I have a 2 way to
translate that because two way to understand this
state. For Islam,
I will be protected from this shaytan, cannot
whisper to me. Or Islam, Yani, the shaydahn
converted to Islam, become a Muslim.
He only
asked me to say or to do what
is right.
The Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam.
Safiyyah bintuhiyayhi,
the Prophet sallam wife, before he married her,
she said, I hated the Prophet sallallahu alaihi
wa sallam so much
before she married him, before she became Muslim.
Why? She said, Because he killed my husband,
my father, my people
and her uncle too. So her husband, her
father, her uncle and her people killed by
the Prophet
to clear whatever in the mind. He said,
you know why I killed your father?
Because your father was actively recruiting the Arabs
and make bringing them together
against me and against the Muslim.
And he betrayed the Muslims,
and he did and he did.
And that explanation from the prophet have cleared
my mind and heart completely, 100%.
Sometimes Nabi salallahu alaihi wa sallam needed to
give admonition.
Sometimes you need to advise your son, your
daughter
not to lecture them. There is a difference
between lecturing them and reminding them of Allah.
Your wife, your husband,
just to remind them of Allah
And that that they not it's you don't
do this because I'm your wife, because I'm
your husband, because I'm your father, because I'm
your son or daughter. No. You do this
for Allah first and foremost.
That Allah will hold you accountable for it.
Once Aisha radiAllahu anha,
there were mention of Sophia.
What do you want of Safiyyah? She's like
this.
And she said she's short.
Petite short.
Then Nabi
was angry
because he was not allowed backbiting.
You just have said something. Even though she
didn't pronounce words, she just made a hand
gesture.
She said, you said something.
If you would mix it with the sea,
it will make the sea rotten, small bad.
And how bad this is?
It's a backbite
and it's not allowed.
And he reprimanded her so
strongly.
So she repented to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala
from such statement.
You know, sometimes there are certain things cannot
just go without
making a point making the point, making a
comment, and reminding people of Allah that this
is haram. This is not allowed.
And that's an important thing. You know, not
everything can be just left. But also,
if you have a son or a daughter,
you have a husband or a wife, then
they do a lot of haram things,
a lot of things which is not correct.
You can't also pick all of them because
every time I see your face,
hey,
your hijab is not
good. Hey, you can't be watching this. Hey,
you can't be listening to this. Hey, you
cannot be in a company of this. Hey,
your your your shoes is not the hey,
the pictures that you have.
Khalas.
Every time I see your face is about,
you know, you're gonna bring something up.
So you have also to choose your battle
wisely
with your children, with your in laws, with
your
spouse,
you know, with your friends. You have to
choose your battle wisely. What you can what
you what what battle that you wanna pick
because you can't you cannot deal with all
of them at once. Even if there are
something haram, you have to be smart in
how to choose that.
Another thing that I found the prophet
clear in the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam
life, the prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam check
assumptions.
So many times we just rush to accuse,
rush to judge.
And sometimes I'm guilty of that.
You know, I know one of my girls
have this habit.
Okay?
She always
forget to close things.
She will open the freezer. I will not
close the freezer.
She will open a bag and she will
leave the bag not sealed.
Then you have the cheese get, like, you
know, dry or the bread get dry, whatever.
And you get a little bit upset about
that. So every time when I see it,
I said, hey, so and so, my daughter.
I said, didn't I tell you before to,
you know, to basically to to seal the
thing or to close the the the the
the box? And
she said, Baba, that wasn't me.
But I already accused that's wrong.
Don't accuse. Just ask. Clarify.
It's not right.
Ask before your judge.
You remember the the the father who saw
his son has 2 apples, and he told
him, can you share one of them? Can
you give me one? The son took bite
from each one of them. Then he said,
hey. He's sharing with your father. I bought
all the apple, and he give him all
the lessons about his history and how he
spent all this money and find you you
you even don't wanna share an apple. And
he said, no. Actually, baba, I I was
just trying to see which one's sweeter to
share it with you or to give it
to you.
That's why I took a bite from each
one.
Check your assumption.
Don't rush to judge. When
happened, he asked Aisha.
When something is raised, ask.
Clarify before you judge.
Also, Nabi sallallahu alaihi wasallam fair
and just You know, when that
wife of his broke the plate that I
told you the story
earlier, Nabi said, now get one of your
plates and give it to her.
You broke her plate, you give her one
of yours.
Fair
while he's sick, can
You will be carried,
by his companions to move from one house
to another.
So he will be fair with all of
them.
You know, one of the worst things in
relationships, especially marriage,
when each one sits stand in one point
and said, I'm not gonna compromise.
It doesn't work this way. Everybody willing to
do some compromising.
We need to somewhere in the middle.
Shivan Nabi will compromise in things. This has
nothing to do with the deen.
For instance, Nabi
when one of his wife just complained about
the smell
of
the food that he likes,
the food that he likes, and he liked
to to eat. She said,
It smell bad.
And Nabi said,
I will not eat this food again.
He didn't say, You know what? That's your
problem.
No. He said, Okay. I'm not gonna eat
this.
If it is something you can't compromise, compromise.
And by the way, compromise, it cannot be
always expected from one side, from the husband
only
or from the wife. It has to be
exchange exchangeable.
Also, Inna
one of the thing also that he will
do, sometimes he give multiple he always tried
to give options.
And even if the options is multiple options.
When Sauda, for example, things became, you know,
reached a level of divorce, he gave him
the option to stay as a wife,
divorce or maybe stay, but she said, I
will stay, You Rasool Allah, but I will
give my night to Aisha
So it was an option. He said
to some of his wives when they came
and said, You Rasool Allah,
we want money. We want more money. This
life is very hard like this. We need
we need some money, extra money. This life
is very hard.
Anind Nabi is not gonna be basically going
to work and and he's so occupied salallahu
alaihi wasalam. And they were so demanding about
the issue of nafakah,
about money.
And Nabi salallahu alaihi wasalam is not like
the rest of us. His lifestyle is very
different than any other companion, any none of
the Sahaba lived like him.
And this is only for the Prophet life.
So he said, if you can't
live like this lifestyle,
you have a point.
This lifestyle is not for everyone. But if
that's what you can't do and you want
to live just a regular life and money
and income and blah blah blah,
I will give you money and I will
let you go. You can't be my wife
because Nabi is not gonna turn to be
someone who making money and income and all
and run after the dunya. He can't do
that.
So he gave her option.
I will end with this
or quickly,
2 quick point.
One thing also in Nabi
divorce was
an option to solve the problem.
For instance,
Inna have divorced
Umayma bin to Numan.
She's so arrogant, she see herself something special,
beautiful, and she married the prophet
Then when she saw the prophet
she kind of said, and she see herself
younger and younger,
and she was not very comfortable.
And when Nabi approached, she said, O Allah
protect me from you.
Nabi
said, you have asked refugee and seek protection
from someone who's the Most High. Go back
to your family. Carlos, no problem.
You're not comfortable with this marriage? Go back
to your family. Why did she agree in
the beginning?
He divorced Hafsa
Then he took her back. So divorce can
be a solution to the problem.
Don't rush to it, but it can be
because sometimes what I don't, you know,
like to see,
especially if some people come to me with
clear sign that's not gonna work out, they
stay, especially if there is kids
will be involved in the future.
4 or 5 years
5, 6 years she comes back to me
in the same office. You Sheikh Youhabit Ya'ana,
I told you 6 years ago.
When you came to me, that's not gonna
work. Now you have 2 extra kids with
you.
That's the only difference.
Sometimes you know what? That's the solution.
That's what it is. I need to move
on.
So that's also a way that Nabi sallallahu
alaihi wasallam found as a solution to the
problem. But don't rush to it because we're
living in a in a time now where
divorce has became so easy and became like
a a the trend of these days.
You find that Nabi never
used physical
reprimment rep
yeah. You're reprimenting
them physically ever. And Nabi never used his
hand.
Problem cannot be solved by beating or hitting
your kids, your your your spouse.
It doesn't work this way,
by being insulting, being disrespectful.
But Ibn Nabi sallallahu alaihi wasallam also sometimes
he solved the problem by simply
sallallahu
alaihi wasalam, avoiding the person.
Jasmur al shaha, one whole month
in his
masjid did not go to his wife's
family's house.
He just avoided them
until they rethink themselves and
and basically
things go back to normal. Sometimes that can
be also a way to solve the problem.
There is so many to learn from the
prophet, but we must look at the prophet's
life as a source of guidance in all
aspects of our life.
And that's one of it, and it's an
important part of our life.
Strong family means a strong community.
Strong community means strong society.
May
Allah fill our homes with success, fill our
home with happiness.