Waleed Basyouni – Family Issues – Ask The
AI: Summary ©
The Clear Lake Islamic Center encourages participants to receive questions and answer them through email, emphasizing the importance of finding a partner who is not against religion and not against sex. The speaker advises against being too religious to avoid marriage and building relationships with participants. Consistent personal values and balancing religious and personal interests are also suggested. A book called " War on Demand" is also mentioned, emphasizing the importance of being a good person and not just choosing one's values. Consistent parenting and balancing personal interests is also emphasized.
AI: Summary ©
Dear brothers and sisters and community members of
Clear Lake Islamic Center.
We have started the program,
which we call ask the imam in which
we receive your questions.
And then we'll meet here and answer these
questions and post them on our message channel.
The way we can receive the questions is
by sending your emails
to
ask the imam at
the masjid.org.
That is one word, ask the imam
at the masjid.org.
So we'll begin with the first question, Sheikh
Khalid.
We have our Sheikh with us here.
I'm just helping him here.
And it'll be all conversation.
All of us.
Yes. So we have a sister who actually
was the first one to respond to this
program
or this appeal
and asked the first question is how to
deal with you know, family members with different
levels of,
practicing Islam. Her mom is practicing. Her father
barely prays Jumahan Aids.
Her son doesn't pray at all. She herself
is practicing. So how can she deal with
that? And
what do you
advise her in this regard?
First of all, I will try I will
start by saying one of the biggest trial,
I believe a person can have and face
when one member of his close family
members
are not practicing, not even Muslims, or opposing
the deen
and rejecting the deen.
I always remind those brothers and sisters who
go through that struggle that you know what?
Remember the story that Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta
told us in the Quran. The story came
in the seerah. For instance, Ibrahim alaihis salam.
Yeah. The house where the Tawhid came, his
father used to make the idols for the
shirki. Allah. Yeah. The light of Tawhid comes
from the same house where the darkness of
shirk comes. That's a struggle and he was
very
affected by that. He made even a promise
that he'll continue to make a still fall
for his father because he wants him to
be a Muslim. He wants Nabi salallahu alayhi
wasalam.
He struggled so much, Allah subhanahu alayhi said,
even though you love them so much, but
you cannot guide them. Yeah.
With his mother. Right. I know he loved
her so much, so dear to him.
And with these examples, it
bring a little bit of comfort
and
not in the sense that you don't try
to change, but a little bit of understanding
that people will not all be the same.
And that's the reality of people. Yes.
So this been said,
definitely,
this also take me back one step earlier
for those who are not married yet.
Make sure when you marry someone, you just
marry someone who have, you know, matching when
it comes to religiosity.
Make sure that you marry someone who is
religious, someone who even if they not religious
respect religion, there is a potential for them
to be. Some people said, you know what,
I'm good, I'm fine, I'm perfect, I'm not
even perfect. Thus, I'm not willing to increase.
This for me, this is the most dangerous
person or the any attitude. It's just because
I'm I'm perfect.
But the people who said, no, you know
what? I think I can work on myself.
I'm still struggling this people like really can
grow at one point in your life.
So make sure before you get into marriage
and to choose the right person. And also
I don't know what you think Shiv, but
sometimes I also advise people not to
take somebody who is
way above them religiously.
Because this can be a struggle later on.
Yani she might choose someone who is very
very religious or he choose someone she is
very very religious and he's not there at
all.
I'm thinking that this will motivate me to
be a better person. The reality is there
is a gap between them and the interest
and the level of Iman focus and it
can actually harm them the marriage a little
bit.
I always say yes to somebody better than
you and Dean, but not with a huge
big gap between both of you.
But someone both of you willing to grow
together.
So going back to the situation, if you
have someone at home who's like
definitely it's different from your parents because when
you deal with your parents, it's different than
when you deal with your spouse, Right. When
you deal with children.
So
when it comes to children,
I think
motivation,
leading by example. Yeah.
Choose your battle wisely.
You know,
don't pick on everything, choose the most important
thing to talk
about. You know,
some people like all will be fine about
all her hair showing up a little bit
here, my daughter, you know, and her hijab
is not the perfect, but you know what,
maybe the salah is more important, maybe the
Quran is more important, maybe the the Exactly.
Choose your battles. Choose your battle wise. Also,
be consistent, but don't limit your interaction with
your children about the religion issues and the
mistake that they do in the religion. Yeah.
I think that's a very good point.
Don't make it where
you're only interested in them when you're when
they're, you know, when you want something for
them to do religiously, but be interested in
their life and their interest. Do what they
do sometimes,
especially when when it's all a lot of
it is halal what they do. Yeah. And
don't make it where it's all about religion.
Build a relationship, build a friendship with your
friend, with with your Children. Children. Yeah. Also
one of the thing is catch them doing
something right. Don't always catch them doing something
wrong. I heard this from you once before.
So I'm just you.
That's a very good one. So catch them
doing something right and that's and that's also
whether your spouse with. With regards to parents,
it's a little bit
tricky because parents, you have to show the
respect. They don't accept that you guiding them.
But also you can be wise, you might,
you know, I remember my father, Rahim Allah,
he used not to go to the masjid
to pray
pray tomorrow, but he prayed. My father never
misprayed since he's 7 years old,
but not necessarily in the Masjid.
So I wanna talk to him about going
to the Masjid,
and I was worried I can't deal I'm
just a kid and that year I was
like just 1st year in high school or
something like that.
So what I did they said, hey I
see this book, I love this book, can
we read from it after Asar?
So I start coming after Asar and my
dad loves
massaging his feet because he works for instructions,
so he's tired. So I used to come
and massage his feet and he loves that.
Nice. Relax,
then I started reading from the book. And
that's the payoff. Yeah. So I read from
a book called Iqiyal Aula, Fishar Khadija, and
in it, the prophet was talking about
when he mentioned that one of the things,
yes, one of the things that raise your
level agenda walk into the Masjid, staying in
the Masjid. So the Raja mentioned beautiful things.
That's a very beautiful book. Yeah. So after
I never said anything, I was going through
the book.
After that, my dad started constantly going to
the Masjid.
So it's an indirect way. You know, sometimes
you might send
in WhatsApp, you know, the family WhatsApp group,
maybe
a message,
something like that, so indirect
way. Your husband also and your wife
it's sensitive because you don't want your wife
to feel like you are her teacher
or
she is your teacher, it has to be
in a subtle way in things which is
very
direct but in a subtle, in a nice
way, in a motivating way. And again don't
people really care about what we say when
they know that you care about them. Yes,
that's that's very true.
And yeah
speaking of that book actually was one of
the first books that we started with Sheikh
Walid. When we moved to this masjid you
actually read it in Ramadan. And now it
was a very beautiful
book and a very beautiful gathering that we
had. And also one of the good points
to
help your children, especially your children and your
and your parents is to make dua for
them all the time.
If that's if you can't really do anything
about it, make dua for them all the
time. And as we know that dua was
emphasized upon, you know, by Ibrahim alaihi salam
when he made dua for his progeny
for them to be righteous people and not
to succumb to the plot of the shaytan
and the plot of the idols. So that's
a very point good point that we can
add to the answer. You know, Saeed al
Saeb has a very interesting,
narration. Right. He said,
He
was saying that I will
make my salah in the night longer Yeah.
Because I want a lot to reward me
for this by making you more righteous. Subhanallah.
So your righteousness as a spouse, as a
parent, as a children. Very good one. Yeah.
You know, hopefully will also impact the whole
family and the whole house. May Allah bless
all homes.