Waleed Basyouni – Family Issues – Ask The

Dear brothers and sisters and community members of

Clear Lake Islamic Center.

We have started the program,

which we call ask the imam in which

we receive your questions.

And then we'll meet here and answer these

questions and post them on our message channel.

The way we can receive the questions is

by sending your emails

to

ask the imam at

the masjid.org.

That is one word, ask the imam

at the masjid.org.

So we'll begin with the first question, Sheikh

Khalid.

We have our Sheikh with us here.

I'm just helping him here.

And it'll be all conversation.

All of us.

Yes. So we have a sister who actually

was the first one to respond to this

program

or this appeal

and asked the first question is how to

deal with you know, family members with different

levels of,

practicing Islam. Her mom is practicing. Her father

barely prays Jumahan Aids.

Her son doesn't pray at all. She herself

is practicing. So how can she deal with

that? And

what do you

advise her in this regard?

First of all, I will try I will

start by saying one of the biggest trial,

I believe a person can have and face

when one member of his close family

members

are not practicing, not even Muslims, or opposing

the deen

and rejecting the deen.

I always remind those brothers and sisters who

go through that struggle that you know what?

Remember the story that Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta

told us in the Quran. The story came

in the seerah. For instance, Ibrahim alaihis salam.

Yeah. The house where the Tawhid came, his

father used to make the idols for the

shirki. Allah. Yeah. The light of Tawhid comes

from the same house where the darkness of

shirk comes. That's a struggle and he was

very

affected by that. He made even a promise

that he'll continue to make a still fall

for his father because he wants him to

be a Muslim. He wants Nabi salallahu alayhi

wasalam.

He struggled so much, Allah subhanahu alayhi said,

even though you love them so much, but

you cannot guide them. Yeah.

With his mother. Right. I know he loved

her so much, so dear to him.

And with these examples, it

bring a little bit of comfort

and

not in the sense that you don't try

to change, but a little bit of understanding

that people will not all be the same.

And that's the reality of people. Yes.

So this been said,

definitely,

this also take me back one step earlier

for those who are not married yet.

Make sure when you marry someone, you just

marry someone who have, you know, matching when

it comes to religiosity.

Make sure that you marry someone who is

religious, someone who even if they not religious

respect religion, there is a potential for them

to be. Some people said, you know what,

I'm good, I'm fine, I'm perfect, I'm not

even perfect. Thus, I'm not willing to increase.

This for me, this is the most dangerous

person or the any attitude. It's just because

I'm I'm perfect.

But the people who said, no, you know

what? I think I can work on myself.

I'm still struggling this people like really can

grow at one point in your life.

So make sure before you get into marriage

and to choose the right person. And also

I don't know what you think Shiv, but

sometimes I also advise people not to

take somebody who is

way above them religiously.

Because this can be a struggle later on.

Yani she might choose someone who is very

very religious or he choose someone she is

very very religious and he's not there at

all.

I'm thinking that this will motivate me to

be a better person. The reality is there

is a gap between them and the interest

and the level of Iman focus and it

can actually harm them the marriage a little

bit.

I always say yes to somebody better than

you and Dean, but not with a huge

big gap between both of you.

But someone both of you willing to grow

together.

So going back to the situation, if you

have someone at home who's like

definitely it's different from your parents because when

you deal with your parents, it's different than

when you deal with your spouse, Right. When

you deal with children.

So

when it comes to children,

I think

motivation,

leading by example. Yeah.

Choose your battle wisely.

You know,

don't pick on everything, choose the most important

thing to talk

about. You know,

some people like all will be fine about

all her hair showing up a little bit

here, my daughter, you know, and her hijab

is not the perfect, but you know what,

maybe the salah is more important, maybe the

Quran is more important, maybe the the Exactly.

Choose your battles. Choose your battle wise. Also,

be consistent, but don't limit your interaction with

your children about the religion issues and the

mistake that they do in the religion. Yeah.

I think that's a very good point.

Don't make it where

you're only interested in them when you're when

they're, you know, when you want something for

them to do religiously, but be interested in

their life and their interest. Do what they

do sometimes,

especially when when it's all a lot of

it is halal what they do. Yeah. And

don't make it where it's all about religion.

Build a relationship, build a friendship with your

friend, with with your Children. Children. Yeah. Also

one of the thing is catch them doing

something right. Don't always catch them doing something

wrong. I heard this from you once before.

So I'm just you.

That's a very good one. So catch them

doing something right and that's and that's also

whether your spouse with. With regards to parents,

it's a little bit

tricky because parents, you have to show the

respect. They don't accept that you guiding them.

But also you can be wise, you might,

you know, I remember my father, Rahim Allah,

he used not to go to the masjid

to pray

pray tomorrow, but he prayed. My father never

misprayed since he's 7 years old,

but not necessarily in the Masjid.

So I wanna talk to him about going

to the Masjid,

and I was worried I can't deal I'm

just a kid and that year I was

like just 1st year in high school or

something like that.

So what I did they said, hey I

see this book, I love this book, can

we read from it after Asar?

So I start coming after Asar and my

dad loves

massaging his feet because he works for instructions,

so he's tired. So I used to come

and massage his feet and he loves that.

Nice. Relax,

then I started reading from the book. And

that's the payoff. Yeah. So I read from

a book called Iqiyal Aula, Fishar Khadija, and

in it, the prophet was talking about

when he mentioned that one of the things,

yes, one of the things that raise your

level agenda walk into the Masjid, staying in

the Masjid. So the Raja mentioned beautiful things.

That's a very beautiful book. Yeah. So after

I never said anything, I was going through

the book.

After that, my dad started constantly going to

the Masjid.

So it's an indirect way. You know, sometimes

you might send

in WhatsApp, you know, the family WhatsApp group,

maybe

a message,

something like that, so indirect

way. Your husband also and your wife

it's sensitive because you don't want your wife

to feel like you are her teacher

or

she is your teacher, it has to be

in a subtle way in things which is

very

direct but in a subtle, in a nice

way, in a motivating way. And again don't

people really care about what we say when

they know that you care about them. Yes,

that's that's very true.

And yeah

speaking of that book actually was one of

the first books that we started with Sheikh

Walid. When we moved to this masjid you

actually read it in Ramadan. And now it

was a very beautiful

book and a very beautiful gathering that we

had. And also one of the good points

to

help your children, especially your children and your

and your parents is to make dua for

them all the time.

If that's if you can't really do anything

about it, make dua for them all the

time. And as we know that dua was

emphasized upon, you know, by Ibrahim alaihi salam

when he made dua for his progeny

for them to be righteous people and not

to succumb to the plot of the shaytan

and the plot of the idols. So that's

a very point good point that we can

add to the answer. You know, Saeed al

Saeb has a very interesting,

narration. Right. He said,

He

was saying that I will

make my salah in the night longer Yeah.

Because I want a lot to reward me

for this by making you more righteous. Subhanallah.

So your righteousness as a spouse, as a

parent, as a children. Very good one. Yeah.

You know, hopefully will also impact the whole

family and the whole house. May Allah bless

all homes.