Waleed Basyouni – Can A Muslim Woman Marry A Man That Isnt Muslim – Ask The Imam
AI: Summary ©
The speakers discuss the use of verse "The" in the Bible and the importance of privacy in religion. They also touch on the issue of Christian and Jewish women being able to be married, and how it is not allowed to be married to non-English-people. The speakers suggest that men should not be able to hold onto women and that finding someone who has a higher goal in marriage is crucial. They also mention a woman who was supposedly killed by a man who wanted to marry her, but she chose to marry him by a non-English-people.
AI: Summary ©
As-salamu alaykum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.
We have a question on the permissibility of
a Muslim woman marrying a non-Muslim.
And the questioner actually is convinced that it's
not permissible, but how the question was formed
is that she had a debate with someone
where that someone is using verse al-Baqarah
221 which says that she thinks that verse
makes it permissible to marry a Jew or
a Christian because they're not called polytheists or
mushrikeen.
If you can read the ayah to us
and give us a little insight on how
we understand the ayah and how it also
applies or it doesn't apply.
So, wa la tunkih al-mushrikeena hatta ya'minu,
and do not marry the polytheist male until
they become a believer.
So she thinks polytheists, it will exclude the
people of the book because we commonly know
these monothelist religions are Islam, Christianity, and Judaism.
But that's the origin, that's the original form.
So that's what they think.
So that goes back to what is shirk
means, which is means, shirk means al-iqtiran,
when you associate other with Allah.
And that's why Ibn Umar said, wa ayyu
shirkin a'adham min an taqool anna lillahi
walada.
What can be the worst form of shirk
to claim that Allah has a son.
That's a part of it, associating Allah with
one of his special qualities, that he has
a son, someone who has the quality of
God.
And you don't need to make them equal,
just to connect them together, it doesn't matter
which one higher, that association is shirk, and
it is not allowed.
And it is kufr, and that's where we
say this verse al-mushrikeen, it is applied
to everyone who do not have tawheed, which
is only worship Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.
And this verse will include everyone.
You might say, everyone, because they contribute the
quality of Allah to the nature.
Even though the atheists claim that they don't
worship a God, but they are actually mushrikeen.
They deny Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, which
is worse than shirk.
But the argument will be, isn't the verse
also say, do not marry polytheist women until
they become a believer.
If you allowed marrying Christian and Jewish women,
and you understand this verse, that it excludes
Christian and Jewish women.
We exclude Christian and Jewish women from this
verse.
You're right, this verse should also prohibit marrying
Christian and Jewish women.
But the only reason we marry Christian and
Jewish women, not because of polytheism or monotheism,
no.
It's because there is another verse in the
Quran that specifically mentions that Jewish women and
Christian women are allowed to be married.
So Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, he is
the one who made that rule, and he
is the one who made the exception.
We don't make the exception.
It's not up to our logic.
If it's up to our logic, we say
we're not allowed to marry Christian and Jewish
women.
Or we can make that analogy that you're
making, by allowing Christian and Jewish women, so
allow Christian and Jewish men as well.
But we don't do that.
There is no, you don't make an analogy
when you have a clear text in the
Quran.
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala said the not
allowed and permitted Muslim women, in Surah Al
-Mumtahina, are not allowed to be married to
non-Muslims.
And there is no difference of opinions among
the Muslim scholars about this issue.
There is no one ever in the history
of Islam, there is no difference of opinions
until some ignorant people in modern days said
that.
Not even scholars.
But there is Ijma' in the Muslim Ummah
from the time of the Prophet sallallahu alaihi
wasallam all the way coming down to our
time.
So that it's not allowed.
And one of the reasons that Al-Ulama
rahim Allah mentioned that why we differentiate, it's
because the men in Islam, the husband, Allah
subhanahu wa ta'ala have given so much
responsibility and power and leadership to the man
who leads the household.
And there is rules related to him in
relation to Nafqa, if he's not a Muslim
you cannot apply these rules and obligations on
him.
And there is certain obligations.
Also in Islam, children follow father when it
comes to religion.
And that's why we must ensure that the
children who come will not adapt to other
religions.
And I remember somebody came to our masjid,
the old Musalla, and told me this lady
she wants to marry someone who is Jewish.
And I said I can't marry you in
the masjid, I will sue you in the
court.
That's discrimination.
It's not discrimination, it's religious rulings.
I can't.
She said what's wrong?
I said you might be a wonderful man,
I'm not saying anything, Christian or Jewish, whatever
his religion is.
That's not my point.
My point is in our religion a Muslim
woman cannot marry somebody.
Religiously I cannot marry you to him.
I said if you want to sue me,
be my guest.
I'm legally protected, alhamdulillah we live in a
country where there's freedom of religion.
Again it's not about I'm discriminating against him
or anything like that.
But in Islam it's not allowed, simple as
that.
And I think that's important for us to
make that rule clear to our daughters from
early age.
So we do need to have this discussion
later on.
Make sure that they understand this from an
early age.
That's not an option to look at.
If somebody wants to marry you, he wants
to be a Muslim, alhamdulillah.
Anyway, I said if you insisted to marry
him, why are you coming to the masjid?
Go to the court, it's a free country,
go ahead, marry him in the court.
I don't care, it's not like you're going
to hurt me.
That's your decision, you have the freedom to
do what you do.
But you can't force me as a religious
entity to sanction that or to make it
haram.
Is that going to make you don't feel
pain anymore?
Like the pain of doing haram?
Just to put it on me?
I can't do that, I can guarantee you.
Even if I tell you it's okay, it's
not okay.
I don't have the power to change the
religion.
You know, so anyway, subhanallah, another imam not
far away from here called me and he
said, Sheikh, you remember this person who came
to me in Salah?
That's over decades ago.
Subhanallah, she passed away.
Right, six months after she married this person.
Wow.
And I'm wondering like, yeah, may Allah have
mercy on her, you know, but it's hard.
You know, sometimes we fight for haram stuff
and we think that we're going to live
forever and all of a sudden you die
and you have to deal with that.
And that's just, yes, I'm sure her or
someone else like in deep love with the
person.
Yeah, I'm sure there's emotions.
I'm sure there might be feelings.
They will tell you we chose love.
Yeah, you choose love.
I'm sure for that.
But that's the whole point of religion is
to make us in control of our desires,
not to let our desire control us.
And Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala will not
forbade something upon us just because he wants
to ruin your life.
No, he makes it haram because that's the
best for you.
Because he knows what he created, subhanahu wa
ta'ala.
So I hope this is something to be
reflected upon.
There's a great wisdom in that, that when
a Muslim man marries a Christian woman or
a Jewish woman or a woman from the
people of the book, first of all, they
have enough, let's say, that woman will have
enough adherence to respecting Allah subhanahu wa ta
'ala and respecting the prophets that we believe
in and respecting her own prophet that she
believes in that it may draw her closer
to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala and change
her path and become Muslim.
I haven't seen that when it is the
man marrying the woman, meaning that the non
-Muslim man marrying the Muslim woman.
Well, Sheikh Yanni, I might, I don't know,
but I think there's a lot of men,
I see that a lot of men who
are not Muslim will still respect her religion.
I understand, but the thing is, okay, if
a Muslim woman, if a woman is married
to a man and then she becomes a
Muslim, she decides, hey, I want to become
a Muslim, she chooses to become a Muslim.
That's a different story from a Muslim woman
who chooses to marry a non-Muslim, saying
that I'm going to marry that non-Muslim.
She started off on the wrong foot with
Allah from the beginning, so how could she
even imagine later on to change this person
into becoming Muslim?
Usually it happens between two people who don't
care about religion.
Yes.
It happened to be a Muslim and it
happened to be whatever the other religion.
I really don't care, I don't practice, that's
why.
Yes.
That's what usually happens.
Yeah, and she will not end up converting
him.
Yeah, but if the person starts practicing, that's
where the problem comes to us in the
Masjid, said, oh, now I wake up, now
I want to care about my kids, and
we deal with this all the time in
the Masjid.
Exactly, exactly.
Yeah, I agree.
That's what I'm trying to say, is that
I haven't seen, I have seen Christian women
marrying Muslim men who end up becoming Muslim,
and there are so many examples to that,
but I haven't seen the opposite.
I really haven't.
And I've seen a lot of men convert
to Islam to marry a Muslim woman.
Yeah, well, which is good.
Which is good.
I have no problem with that at all.
Good job, our sisters.
You know, one thing...
That's funny, isn't it?
Yeah, one thing I would say also, the
scholar said, as a Muslim, you believe in
the Bible, you believe in the Torah, you
believe in Musa, you believe in Isa, you
believe that they're true prophets and messengers.
But for someone who's a Christian or a
Jew, don't believe in Muhammad to be a
true prophet.
It's very hard.
No, you don't.
If you do, you're not going to stay
in your religion.
I know.
If you believe in Quran, you're not going
to stay whatever religion you have.
That's what it is.
What I'm saying is it's really hard for
someone who's a Muslim.
The scholar said that ensures that the Muslim
male will always respect her book, will always
respect her religion, because he believes in this
part of the religion, but not vice versa.
Because that person don't believe in Muhammad, don't
believe in the Quran, don't believe in Islam
as a true religion.
So that's one of the points that the
Muslim scholars mentioned.
And I mean, I know of examples where
when the Muslim woman married a Christian man,
that Christian man started teaching the Bible to
her children, who supposedly Muslim and they are
Muslim.
And that becomes difficult, actually.
Sheikh, would you also mention something in relation,
what do you think, can you just mention
in relation that in Islam, not about even
Christian or Jewish or Muslim, not even, not
a Muslim to marry.
In Islam, not just any Muslim.
The Prophet said, Yes, exactly.
Right.
Can you just mention something in relation to
that?
Well, I mean, that was actually, that hadith
was given to the father of the bride
or the father of the girl or the
girl herself, where you don't just choose anyone.
You have to choose the one who fears
Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala, who has his
moral stance, his moral path is clear based
on the taqwa of Allah subhanahu wa ta
'ala.
His conduct is all based on the behavior
that Allah accepts, and shunning away the sinful
path.
And so this is, so it's not about
just, you know, someone who doesn't believe in
Allah.
You should look for someone who is religious,
someone of taqwa.
It's not someone who doesn't believe in Allah
at all or doesn't believe in your Prophet.
It's someone who believes in Allah, believes in
the Prophet.
And yet also he adheres to the path
of Islam.
So you don't just marry a Muslim who
doesn't pray, for example.
He says, I'm Muslim, alhamdulillah, I have strong
iman.
If you have strong iman, why don't you
respect Allah to pray to him, for example?
Yeah, so we've been, look for religious woman
and also look for religious man.
Because relationship and marriage does not end in
this dunya, also in the akhira.
You know, and it's, you have to remember
that.
We should help one another in religion.
We help one another to achieve high level
in jannah.
That's what's supposed to be the marriage, the
foundation of the marriage.
It's not just about enjoying each other physically
or living or financially.
That's part of it.
But also there is a higher goal in
marriage.
And those who have taqwa, I love that.
One of the scholars, I think Al-Fudayl
ibn Iyad, was asked, who should I marry
my daughter to?
He said, turajul yattaqillah.
If she stays with her, he will treat
her, you know, fairly.
And if she, if he divorce her, he
will not abuse her.
Or if he loves her, he will treat
her good.
And if he doesn't love her, he will
be fair.
He will not abuse her.
That's a person who fears Allah subhanahu wa
ta'ala.
Thank you.
Jazakallah khair.
Well, that's, that puts a lot of responsibility
on the part of the Muslim man.
Where really, you really have, because a lot
of times, you see Muslim men treating their
wives in a bad way.
And they don't represent Islam in the way
they treat their wives.
And you see the opposite when you have
like a non-Muslim man with his wife,
he's kind to her, opens the door to
her.
You know, he's doing everything right based on
these dunya standards, definitely.
But that is what bothers our sisters.
Is that, why can't I be treated this
way?
When he, this man who goes to the
masjid, he treats me like, you know, I'm
his property.
Whereas that Christian man, he treats his wife
like she's his queen and things like this.
So, what really solves this problem is that,
we go back to the way the Prophet
Muhammad subhanahu wa ta'ala treated his wives.
And the way he lived his life.
That is our example.
And that's why it's a big responsibility on
the part of a Muslim man, especially if
he's practicing, that he has to really observe
the way he treats others.
Because people look at him as the standard.
Recently, Sheikh, I was invited to a specific
community.
In Africa.
And they were complaining about how Muslim men
treating their wife.
So, I looked online, I started searching.
And I found in this particular country, actually,
the marriage problem, the divorce rate, the abuse
is very high.
The rate is very high.
And what I found is actually no different
between men and Muslim and non-Muslim.
But it became sometimes a perception.
Right.
We think that all Christian or American or
like, you know, non-Muslim who treat.
Actually, if you look at the statistics, if
you look at the number of abuse and
cases documented, you will be shocked by the
amount of abuse that exists.
I'm glad you said that.
But sometimes because I'm not in the other
side.
Right.
So, I only see the other side.
It looks like so rosy and nice and
stuff like that.
But actually, the amount of abuse because of
drugs, alcohol, you know, cheating and stuff like
that.
Other variables.
It is so high that we don't know
about it.
And may Allah never put us in this
situation.
But actually, if you cross the line and
you go to the other side, you will
see how ugly also it is.
But that's not to justify the bad behavior
that we have.
But sometimes what I'm afraid of, sometimes there
is kind of perceptions or like, you know,
because I am in the middle of this.
So, I see everything.
It looks like so hard on the other
side.
It's so rosy.
It's not necessarily true.
But definitely in our community, as a Muslim
community, there is a lot of culture packages,
you know, which is carried with it negativity,
carried with things un-Islamic when it comes
to treating wife.
I 100% agree with you that there
is a lot of things need to be
changed coming from the culture, coming from the
lifestyle that some people choose and make them
very negative.
So, ignorance basically.