How to manage conflict

Wahaj Tarin


Channel: Wahaj Tarin

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hamdu Lillah

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wa Salatu was Salam ala Mustafa, while he was so busy, he won many that he had he.

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I will mention one Hadith of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam one incident that occurred in his life in his time in his presence. And from that we will do juice whatever for it we can in the time that is in front of us. So, for reference, this hadith is narrated by Imam Bukhari Rahim Allahu taala, on the authority of a Buddha of the Allahu anhu Alba and I will not quote the mutton of the Hadith holy

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because anyway, most people don't understand Arabic and then you have to translate anyway, I will give the just in the form of it with extracts from the Hadith in shaba.

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So Abu Dhabi, Allahu anhu says,

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cannot be in a be Bucklin while model the Allahu anhu man will hawara between Abu Bakr rhodiola one no medicinal herb, Pablo de la Juan, there was an mojarra his discussion and an argument

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you know, that's how it starts, you start discussing then you invest then you get passionate, then you get angry then you argue

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first of all between who

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between other backer in Omar

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by consensus

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This is the higher old holla if a battle ambia

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verses of the Quran stablish the same

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you know, best of creation after the prophets

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was so you Jenna go hell at all, I levy you t mela who yet as this is Abu Bakr robiola, Han

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because he had a certain amount of wealth when Islam came he gave it all the Prophet said as in most pious of you. This is a superlative, most pious no one will reach that level.

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So Abubakar, all the lavon

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and Alma revenues of Pablo de la Han.

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And the hadith of alia, mehbooba level of the law one.

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He says the Prophet told me that Abu Bakr and Omar are the leaders of the mature agenda

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you know, of the of the fully grown men who will add an agenda say either gulia agenda, and they outrank everyone except for the MBA in the Eurozone.

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But with the clothes, but don't tell them YALI.

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You know list

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they relax in the deed and then they armor a little because you know how long is done we have reached them up calm, the prophet has said done.

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So, olive Nabi tala narrated this some site at the point of death of former and some after.

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But stablish these are great men know, both the father and laws of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam and and there's a hadith say the Prophet Kammen on his Abu Bakr and Omar on his side and so Pamela

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fight would have it that they died like that then would be resurrected like that. You go when you go to Medina, Abubakar is there and Omar is then the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wasallam there. And so Pamela coincidentally, coincidentally, Armada Isha, had a dream.

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She drempt the three moons fell into her house.

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So she told her father, her father is the Center for dreams.

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So when the Prophet died and got buried in her house, he said, this is the biggest of your moons

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fell into your house. And then he died and was buried and then Amara, at the point of death asked to be buried in the same so three moons in the house of in the chambers of Armada.

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So point is that arguments will happen even if it's some it's the best of men at the spot of human nature.

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But I will tell you a few things. Listen to this. If you're able to implement that it will change

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Your life and I don't I say this with with a degree of thought

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they are arguments

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that must take place. There is no two ways about it, it has happened bottle it. But the great majority of the arguments are unnecessary.

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great majority of conflicts unnecessary

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in an argument,

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remember this, there is no winner, I will explain

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it if you win the argument, you will hurt the heart, you will bruise the ego you will create resentment. So you've lost the heart and won an argument.

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So, the first lesson from the dust tonight

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unnecessary arguments avoid

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it this from wisdom.

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As I say unnecessary there are certain arguments lamma highlight has to take place.

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But most arguments more most arguments have the intelligence presence of mind to say is no higher and this avoided.

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You know, which one's your favorite team? unnecessary, unnecessary argument?

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What color do you need to understand the most arguments? You said the semi said that most arguments avoid first rule. avoid unnecessary conflicts. It stains the hearts at tarnishes relationships.

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In the event that you forgot the first lesson,

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and went into an argument, dear ones, I swear this is these are game changes. It took a long time to figure this out.

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In the event

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that you're in an argument listen to the following.

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When the heart

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if you have a choice, and lose the argument

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in the event that you have to choose between winning a heart and winning an argument when the heart forget the argument

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because the next step is is disastrous. Imagine our wife that has loved you, you've been with you shed, you know family with in house with in bed with and and now for an argument and I'm not talking about happen but this is an argument for an argument you lose a heart what a calamity.

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So where you have a choice to win an argument or win a hang up for the hands

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have this consciously in your head. And I a lot of Buddhism has honored me do nella Leah like I'm not worthy of it I but I have associated with some of the great scholars of our time.

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And I saw in them this that someone much less learn it would argue a point and I know the Massena and the chef knows the masala and he sees that then this is not big enough a deal for me to argue so it says Happy You're right.

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You are right Allah benefit the oma through you hugs

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the person who's arguing we'll figure it out in three months time. Or in three years Allah had the list of our or 30 years irrespective. But the chef has won the heart.

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So if you have to choose between winning the heart or winning the argument, when the heart do once, when the heart

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so that's the first lesson. second lesson. Yeah, I'll forget the numbers over you understand?

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In the event that you get emotionally involved

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as in you forgot the heart and you invested into the conflict.

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And then now you realize you're getting worked up. be cognizant or and the Hadith of the Prophet sallallaahu do so. So you don't think I'm giving granddam do you know ideas here? The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says

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guarantee a dwelling in general, for the one who leaves an argument, although he is right, sufficient will lie allow the no argument as well as the house agenda. That's not worth the house here. You know, if I tell you how hard we believe this argument, I'll give you a house you can lift 10 arguments of styles you know.

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the idea is huge.

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And the event that

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you miss the first view, and you've invested conflict has arisen, emotions have been involved,

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have the capacity to realize that listen, now I am angry.

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Now, passion has taken over. Now it is a matter of ego. Now logic is out of the window, if you reach that place, and you have the presence of mind, and it can come through training, step back.

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Step back. You know, Allah protect this place and Allah protects those who serve it and a lot of Buddha is put it in Baraka in a Boolean it

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if a part of this building or to fall,

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and the first thing that will happen, dust will rise.

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Whoever tries to navigate in the dust will hit a few things.

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In a dusty environment, I mean, an environment where emotions have risen and this lack of clarity, the best thing to do is pull back, take a step back, stand still.

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So, and the Hadith of the Prophet sallahu wa sallam

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endless, don't get angry. And if you're angry, you're standing sit, if you're sitting lie down, Mike will do on your left them alone, sit, spit and say, I will do Billa you know,

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most of the problems in this world, actually, most of the cases in jail than the cash arena is because of a moment of loss of coolness and a moment of anger.

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I was visiting

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someone in jail, a lot of blinds accept.

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And he told me he said, status. Do you see there was a husband and wife? You know, there's a visiting area, husband and wife.

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And so I said, Why? Why is why is he in

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his head, he had an argument with the wife got upset,

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hit the wife, she developed internal bleeding.

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Because of that he ended up in jail. But that same wife is coming to visit him.

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I want to establish unfit like wrong what he has done, there is no justification and this is not one. But what I'm trying to establish. Is there still love enough between the two to visit and to sit and to eat although a huge hurdle has come in their lines. There is no lack of love. So what happened?

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He became angry for a moment

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shaitan directed him for a moment. Spy lost his job last is this now he is in jail. Do you see? And most of the cases is loss of control for a moment. That is why there are so sighs anger is from shavon.

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If you can understand this lesson, buy into this lesson accept this lesson that anger is from shavon

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it will put you on mine ahead of everyone else. Because a lot of times you think it's heroism you think I am being a man you think

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you know this is rujuta and this is a strength and who are you to speak to me like that? Do you know who I am all Shetland

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and again, if you go to grow the presence of mine and sometimes with your nearest and dearest, like your brother and your father and your cousin and this and that then you realize you've gone to cloud nine anger over what?

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Because so remember to control the anger.

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And if you are angry, and these days, Allah guide me in New York. These days, you get an email

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and you read the email and it irks you like from your toe to your head it starts to burn you know

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And very easy to sit there and let Shakespeare loose you know,

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write some fancy email back, some passive aggressive comments, send, and then enjoy the storm that comes after. Or take a step back, have a look at it. Say how do we go to the next email? Look at it again tomorrow. See if you come answer it if you're not, why the third day, read it, see if you come up. If not, why? Nothing wrong with answering an email four days later, but the common email,

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text messages and some people are not good at communicating. I have I work with certain people. He's texts. miskeen is like a president commanding and he's no president. I know. I know who you are.

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But he's it comes through like that, but I know the man made a soft ban is the buttons he presses a hard you know.

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So take a step back. Don't as if you're angry, don't respond to a text. If you're angry, don't respond to an email come back to come back to it. And you will thank me for this and a lot of bullies that put it in my house and at the news.

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Abu Bakr and Omar argued and in the argument Abu Bakr radi Allahu anhu angered Omar rhodiola Han.

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And I can I can anyway the time is short, so I will just teach my lessons.

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So he transgressed against a model as in he wronged Omar in the word of the Hadith later on, says I wronged him.

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So I'm using the word of Allah on himself. I don't have that. That courage to attribute this to to the man himself, you know, in a neural Soham in terms of berhad is this, you know, to sue at the end. So, but Abubakar on the other hand, who and good amagno hopper on the other hand,

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as soon as he angered him,

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he regretted

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as soon as he angered him, he regretted

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a he realized that he had said he realized what it did to Omar. So straightaway he goes, Omar asked, ask Allah to forgive me.

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sama said no.

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So can you imagine now Abu Bakr Siddiq walking after Amara Murata Yama ask Allah to forgive me Forgive me Omar and Omar Abdullah who kept walking till they reach this house, then close the door and went in abaco The line was left outside

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next important lesson

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in an argument where you have missed all the marks and emotions got involved and you got passionate and in passion and in your conviction you said something that hurts someone wronged someone.

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You know, if that happens,

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based on the level of your heart, you will feel it.

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The better cleaner more sensitive or hot you have the faster you and the harder you will feel that hits you will realize you're up or wrong the person and this will come in your court.

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So with Abu Bakr Siddiq, notice this is the best of the heart of the oma he has just uttered it and straightaway Omar asked Allah to forgive me this is this is the therapy of Muhammad Sallallahu wasallam

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who was asking

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aboubaker about whom verses have been revealed. The first of the Muslims from the men

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mubasher on Belgian Abu Bakr on Phil Jan now we're on our own Phil Jenna, do you understand not an ordinary man?

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How you roll holla at a battle ambia he

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and Amara hakab knows the mahkamah boubakeur. He used to say a day and a night in the life of a boubakeur is better than Omar and the progeny of Omar.

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Eunuch unicorns diverse size family if named in it, who Murphy lohar is the fool Lulu saw a bee he that has an in Allah hermana this moment in the life of a boubakeur First of all, classified saw Hey by a lot of boiler is a second one lifted the farm of a fire from the whole home by himself.

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And then was there when no one else was there with the profits on the land?

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He was selling only a lot, the prophet and Abu Bakar know the feelings and the sentiments in this case. So Omar says those moments out like wipes out Omar in the Allah former and he used to be heard saying would that I had been a hair on the chest of a book.

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So this met like status established and Mr. sahaabah who aboubaker is

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yet this giant is now running after Omar saying Yama, forgive me

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from this learn that when you error when you slip up when you wrong, don't let ego come in and tell you but hold on a second. You're a teacher and he's a student.

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You're a husband and she's a wife. You're a mother and that's a child.

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You're a boss and that's the one that works for you.

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There's no mahkamah Baba Baba yet Abu Bakr Siddiq is running.

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begging. Yeah, Omar forgives me. Yeah. Omar Forgive me. So when you air when you slip up, go straight away and fix it. Don't delay that one. Because that elephant grows bigger and bigger in the room if you deal with it straightaway done.

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So Omar, Rebel hopper closed the door.

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So what will Abubakar do

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with this hanging over his head? That's my Acura. He lifted up his gap and rush to the Prophet sallallahu wasallam in Abu Dhabi. So imagine the rasulillah seated and the blessing mustard of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam companions around him about him. And he sees Abubakar from afar, lifting his gaps to the level that you can see his anklets.

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So he says, I'm also Hebrew come for dwama

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your companion here has had an argument.

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You know why he knows apart from Prophethood because this is his best friend.

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Since they think they together so much so that when the Prophet sallallahu wasallam used to go on a journey, Abu Bakar used to hire a servant Listen, go and serve my friend. And I'll pay you this much along the journey cook and clean and this and that for him.

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There are other things but time will finish.

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The Rasul Armada Isha sighs, they there was not a day in which the Prophet wouldn't visit us.

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There's a lot of proximity.

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So there are still nose, nose every every nuance of aboubaker. So when he sees them like this, he doesn't say Abu Bakar Assad, the robocall worker has had an argument. He's had an argument.

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So then Abu Bakar, comes say Salaam and sits down, perturbed. And then he says, yo Rasulullah

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there was a matter between me and the son of hip hop.

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For assata to LA, I exceeded the bounds with him. I was excessive.

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So man, I didn't. Then I regretted then I asked him to forgive me. And then he refused to forgive me. And then I come to you. Can I stop here?

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When an argument takes place, when a conflict takes place, when relationships break down, it is very easy to mud slink.

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You know?

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I see, I see this regularly.

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You know, a person and a person have been friends for a while. They've got their business together, business went south, it went belly up, then all of a sudden they start this one. You know, he's like this, and he, but he did this and he did this and I did. And most of it is not accurate. It is designed to paint the other person in bad light. Help him salvage what is left of his character

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most of the time

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and then it happens in more serious relationships, marriages. You know, after the separation happens, divorce happens. Then you start

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you know, he was like this and she was like this and and if you rewind back a few years, you know, that's the same one you use to pray for at night. You're up, give me this one.

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And that was the same one you were looking for someone to go propose on your behalf. And that was the same one who

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You know, your heart used to skip a beat as your door stuff and that was the same one you shared a bed with the same one you had kids. And now somehow and Olivia the hill nobody, something happens and you don't have the character and the presence of mind to say listen

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it didn't work out a lot of polariser bless her and Allah bless me.

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And the stories they come up with afterwards, you know, to salvage a little bit of decency and grace.

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The ones grace under duress is done Murat

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great goodness and normal times easy. Someone gives you a gift. You don't say thank you. There's something wrong with you. someone does something wrong to you. You're still graceful. That is the core answer. So

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110 cell phone, eBay, Unicom. Don't forget decency and grace and diversity in regards to talaq

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at times of difficulty. So, when conflict happens and things fall apart, a Buddha came to the Prophet not saying, you know that Amara, the one who didn't believe in you first, and then he believes in you and then he thinks he is Oh, that because he's bigger than our size wise.

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He says, Can baney whereby you nominal hapa be shy.

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Something occurred between and I wronged him or profit for us, to LA, so mad at him, then I came to you so the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam says, Yoku La la la la, la, la La,

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La La Ilaha. Allah forgive you aboubaker Allah forgive you all, boubakeur Allah, Allah will forgive you aboubaker la even Ahmed is refusing Allah will forgive.

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Then he said,

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All my revenue pop up, meanwhile, is at home. And he's had a moment to cool down and the goodness of course, he was the one that was wronged. The goodness of the heart is he now remembers Suppan of Abu Bakr apologized and I refused. So he rushes out of the house, runs to the house of Abu Bakar knocks the door. Where's aboubaker? He's not here. So Omar knows where workers gone.

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sama works. A little of the Ulla, Andrea hampsten

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Omar walks

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to the masjid

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and my heart of hearts. I feel he was uncomfortable,

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because he knows who Abu Bakar is to the Prophet.

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But there's no delille for this, this is just in my heart of hearts.

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But this one is on delille when he entered the gathering of the prophets on the lahardee, who was seldom the face of the Prophet when greed and anger

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and his blessed sad face when he used to be angry, they say it was as dope pomegranate was splashed on it. And a vine would come here

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I feel

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a fraction of the tension that would have existed in the room. And especially for only a fraction

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you know cause you enter a house in your father's upset. It just looks

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doesn't need to say anything

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and awkward.

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Your teachers upset

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depending on levels of high in the generation you in our time our share how upset

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no one would lift their eyes up

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So Omar The lavon has walked in and the prophets reaction is tangible you can feel this

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aboubaker is watching

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and he knows the Prophet as the Prophet knows him.

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So Boubacar knows what is coming.

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So now Omar is walking,

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getting ready to get seated and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam is this

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angle angry at him. He sees it. They see it Abubakar season. Abubakar gets on his knees says yeah Rasulullah I wronged him, Ya Rasulullah I wronged him your soul, I wronged him and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam almost not listening sighs I came to all of you.

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And I said I am the Prophet of Allah. And you said you lie.

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Abu Bakar said you speak the truth for Anton tariku sahibi for hell Anton tariku Lisa heavy. I came to you. And I said, I am the Prophet sent by a VA. You all said July. He said you speak the truth. Now will you leave my companion before me? Now will you leave my companion before me twice. And the US have say the Hadith says no one day argue with Abubakar after that.

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No one dead, argue with Abubakar after that

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next lesson

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and in how jealous Kalani mentioned this in his shop,

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that when a person

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of our highest status, then you at least in the quote of the Lord

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humbles himself to apologize to you.

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It is it will be fitting to be healthy and reject.

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So for example, young ones are here to teach you this basics of adapt cause missing and where we are.

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Your mother wrongs you and imagine she is a saintly lady which then say sweetheart, listen I I wrong. I am sorry. That is the moment where you kiss her hands and kiss her feet and you say one like you does not apologize to one like me.

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Allah forgive you your math. Your teacher apologizes humbles himself to you

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this is not a moment for you to show attitude and holiness This is a moment to say your stats how know How could my ears hear such a thing from you? You know you are the top of our heads and Allah honor your way and if you were to smack me I wouldn't say anything back this is added

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so one of the lessons

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is this

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that when us when someone big

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realizes this slip up

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and tries to apologize embrace that honor that exalt that this is humans are all which one of us are without fault and blemish and slip up and wrong. khulumani Adama hotpot. So one of the lessons

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another important lesson

00:32:45--> 00:32:46


00:32:48--> 00:32:49

seems to occur to me.

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We are in education, part of education is therapy, you're

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in therapy.

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As soon as the lesson is lent you let it go.

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So for example, a student does something wrong.

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As soon as he realizes he has wronged let it go.

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We do not have an education, a punitive system,

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you know, crime and punishment.

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Education is an abode of learning. So as you teach maths, you teach tarbiyah manners.

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The Prophet is a more of B.

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Or meridional hapa has realized the wrong

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he has come back the Prophet knows.

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Yet the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam

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is visibly upset.

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There is other lessons beyond

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Why didn't you forgive?

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And thinking requires that you investigate this notion.

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Like why is the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam taking the side of Abu Bakar when Abu Bakar or the last one who is the one that wronged to forgive us a choice

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although not ideal that he didn't but

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There are certain delicate points here. The first one I mentioned to teach the oma that when someone who is

00:34:36--> 00:34:37


00:34:40--> 00:34:46

out ranking you higher than you apologizes, accept

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don't like he has done

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but there's a point here beyond this that I see as a point of strategy

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Some of my students are here they sit in front of me a lot protect me often.

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I did the stuffs with my with my students and I said go find what will what was the Prophet sallallahu wasallam teaching at the strategy level, what is he doing? And whoever gets it, I will give them $100 so law protect them your update, email me answers and drop answers on them. I do and they and I extended it for two weeks and for two weeks they were very busy trying to speak to chefs and they go online. And this is

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this is my take on it.

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When you study the biographies and the lives of these us Have

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you noticed certain distinct characteristics.

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Or Maribel hops size wise is very big.

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To me, he's like the Shaquille O'Neal of his time.

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Big Man

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and personality that big too.

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And he would cast a big shadow.

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Physically, but more importantly, metaphorically.

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So, and Abubakar Alia lavon, not as loud as Omar but very resolute.

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visionary could see what would take others years to see.

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There's evidence for

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the simple fact that the raw soul size, I am the prophet of a lion he says, a shadow and Nicola Rasulullah it means he sees what takes others a long time to see.

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And I can quote at the point of death of the prophets of Salaam before his the days before the Rasul cam set in the masjid talk to the US habit he says, one of the servants of Allah was given a choice between to live eternally here or to meet meeting of his Lord he opted for the meeting of his Lord aboubaker as at the backyard shelter for the inner cabbie erber you know what on earth you know, Yasuda, we sacrifice our fathers and mothers for your prophet of God, and he starts crying and others are looking. Why is the chef crying? The Prophet gave an example of one of the servants of Allah who was given a choice. They say, after he died, we realized that the most learned of us is

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this one who could see the mirage of a lion is profit from a little nuance of an utterance.

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Do you see

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that type of person

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will be on the truth, but around him will still take time to understand.

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So if the people around him are consistently arguing, waiting to grow up to his level and not accepting his plan, a conflict and sews cracking the ranks ensues. breakage of protocol ensues.

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You know, weakness of leadership and issues, and the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam knows Omar and knows aboubaker and tap the bun. As a point of Terabithia. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam teaches Omar this lesson that irrespective of what happens, don't ever grow the courage to challenge Abubakar

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and you saw the products, days after the death of de la Sol.

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So the prophet or someone passed away.

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At the point of death, Omar takes out his sword. This whoever say is the Prophet has passed away or cut off his head.

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Then Abubakar comes into the scene. And he just says Allah Iris Lika Omar said Omar

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and as soon as Omar sees him on the poblet Omar the cysts seizes his his shout and he screams and when he talks about falls onto the ground

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you see cuz he's learned

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don't challenge this one.

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And he taught it to him so deep like the angle of that that won't go away quick. That mark is deep inside it even more clearly you'll see it a day after this. So the M czar have gathered and the orchards have been a favor. To select the next leader of the Muslims Russell has passed away who will lead the Muslim nation.

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Abu Bakr radi Allahu anhu he is about to Omar he has about a demo house you don't hear about it. So they go let's go talk to our brothers. So Abu Bakr Omar Ravana

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About obey David adjara and others enter the gathering which Dan sotto, seated on. So Don saucy the delegation of the muhajir on comm so one of them stand and he says

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that we are the unsought of the Prophet, the army of Islam the honor of it, its city, rightfully reign of leadership should be amidst us.

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So aboubaker Listen, Ahmad, listen, Omar sighs says walking to this meeting, I prepared a speech. And I prepared all the points.

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And I listen to the answer. And as he finished, I got up to speak.

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But he says Abu Bakar placed his hand on my shoulder and said sidama

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Now can you imagine normally without this lesson, who would have set

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the understand, but the lesson has been given.

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So he sits, humbly subserviently Abubakar has said, and I remember what the Prophet did last time.

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So he says Abu Bakar spoke for the law and covered all my points more eloquently than me. And then said, or ansara all your claims are true.

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But the first of the Muslims were the mohajirs they are the family of the Prophet. And when the Quran mentions them had mentioned them first and then you second phenomenal O'Meara and tomo ozora so the answer the mohajir rune by merit will always be the leaders in you will be the wizards

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so I give you one of these to pledge allegiance to them he held the hand of honor and obey the genre and he said for this one the Prophet might go out the honor of Islam being him and for this one he is the mean of the oma and it both your site choose one so I must says this one point by didn't like so I'm not stands and says yeah abubaker the Prophet on his deathbed put you in charge of our Salah, which is the unmodified euro and if he chooses you as our leader for the matter of our Deen and I asked her why won't we choose you for the matter of the dunya and you are the one who says Danny efnet in in in Houma. filata second of the two only to the Prophet you know this man second of the

00:42:36--> 00:42:50

two is a statement of his life. He was the second of the two to believe the second of the two to migrate the second of the two and the bar the second of the two and the copper and the second of the two and resurrection. Then evening.

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stretch out your hand Abubakar so ibaka stretched out quickly clustered my baby, everyone else followed. I think history would have looked different had this moment not transpired with the profit.

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And then whilst inhale effort of Abubakar because remember Omar that strong personality. I was there in kewdale. Yesterday even at the death of Abdullayev nobody in a saloon Omar stands in front of the profit or profit will you pray this Allah and the Prophet says move on or I know a prophet This is a polite and obey and so on. strong personality. So he needed to be brought to obedience and understand the superiority in his Makkah, you know the superiority of Abubakar and his Makkah. And then after this throughout the Fela fork of Abu Bakar Omar of the Allahu anhu taught us how to be an advisor and someone subservient to the leader. There are instances instances where this smaller size

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of boubakeur weaker bodied Abubakar grabs this giant from the collar and says Oh son of a pound. You used to be more braver in the day of Jaya Hillier than you are in your Islam and Omar quiet. Even at his deathbed, he says calls him Omar I have chosen you as my successor.

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So he says What if I refuse, he said either obedience or the sword?

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You know Abubakar, Roger Luna Hadid, the resolute man he used to see what others wouldn't and when he committed to that was it.

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And a lot you have an image he was soft and his son says Raja lon Hadid. He was a man like metal.

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So to tell doorman, either obedience or the sword.

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So this is the Hikmah in the wisdom and the therapy of the Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam which set the trajectory for the future of Islam and

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You saw its golden era comma, the hands of these ones. My a lot of bluster bless you for your time and patience for Fulton Fulton taco has an atom from Innova who interprets a atom from enough see what a fun Chevron