Tom Facchine – When Aisha R.A. Was Accused Of Infidelity

Tom Facchine
AI: Summary ©
The speaker discusses the difficulty of admitting one's own infertility and the need for a sober understanding of one's behavior. They emphasize the importance of setting boundaries and focusing on oneself to avoid harming one's partner. The speaker also mentions the need for a sober understanding of one's behavior to avoid causing harm to their partner.
AI: Transcript ©
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The ifq is the paradigmatic difficulty that the

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Prophet ﷺ went through.

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People were accusing his wife of infidelity, right?

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And he was affected by that to the

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point where he kind of believed it, right?

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And Aisha was pretty upset that he bought

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into it, even to the extent that he

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did.

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Of course, he wouldn't, you know, come out

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and say that he believed it.

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He had procedural things that he had to

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hold off judgment.

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But the way he treated her, it was

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as if he thought it was likely.

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You know, he asked Ali, he asked Barira,

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he asked different people that were around, trying

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to do like a little investigation.

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But at the end of the day, one

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of the things that he did, and this

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is something I think that all of us

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can benefit from, is not making hasty decisions,

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right?

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First of all, not making, not jumping to

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conclusions and making assumptions.

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That's a big thing.

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And trying to let certain things play out

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and giving people a chance to redeem themselves

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or at least clear their name.

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You know, some of the couples that I

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counsel, the husn ad-dhan is lacking, right?

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Allah says in Surah Al-Hajrat, He says,

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يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا جِتَنِبُوا كَثِيرًا مِّنَ الظَّنِّ

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إِنَّ بَعْدَ الظَّنِ إِثْمٌ Okay?

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Stay away from much suspicion or assumption because

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some of it is sinful.

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You can construct a whole narrative in your

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head about somebody.

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Imagining that they're doing this and it's really,

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really hurtful in marriages when you start to

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project it into the past.

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Oh, you've always been this way.

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You've always thought this way about my family,

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right?

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That's a common one.

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You know, tensions between the extended relatives or

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you don't value me or you don't help

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me succeed or you don't do this or

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you do that.

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Now, what happens is because, you know, shaitan

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works on us, we start to cherry-pick

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our memories.

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And so that we look for evidence that

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confirms the narrative, right?

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Whereas, if we're able to set certain ground

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rules and control ourselves and try to have

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a more sober understanding of what we can

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know and what we can't know and what

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we can assess and what we can't assess

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and focus on ourselves.

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I mean, at the end of the day,

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to be very, very frank, I mean, if

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somebody, if your spouse is going to really,

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really deceive you and betray you and, you

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know, kill you in the night, you know,

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or something crazy like that, what are you

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going to do to stop it, right?

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If Allah ﷻ has willed it.

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That's not to say, obviously, that we don't

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take precautions and I'm not saying that you

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should sleep with something next to you, but,

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you know, like...

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But you have to be right with Allah.

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If you're right with Allah, as the Prophet

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ﷺ said, then everything is good for you,

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even if it's a hardship or something like

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that.

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Because at the end of the day, we

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can only control ourselves.

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Sometimes we resort to certain sort of methods

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to try to control the spouse, to control

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the other person.

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We want a certain result out of them.

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But at the end of the day, you

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know, like we said before, even if you

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get what you want, if it's not given

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freely and out of love, it won't be

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sweet, you won't even enjoy it.

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