Tom Facchine – Minute with a Muslim #292 – Can Muslims Date

			It's really strange to me, because our culture has turned this kind of ambiguity and potential for
abuse
		

			into it, it's basically
		

			valued it and put a put a value on it and imagining that, oh, well, this is like serendipity. And
this is spontaneity. And this is true love, right? If you just, you know, happen to run into
somebody in the grocery store or run into somebody like this. You know, that's, that's all nice, but
it really discounts the possibility of being taken advantage of. And if we're talking about dating,
and we're talking about Islamic Guidance on Romans in general,
		

			you could say that the Islamic Guidance on these issues has to do with checks and balances. And it
has to do with protecting people, so they don't get hurt, and they don't get taken advantage of. And
also bringing all of those kinds of unspoken anxiety producing things and putting them in the clear
and making sure that everybody is very clear on what people's intentions are. So instead of having
to go through this crazy guessing game of okay, is this person really interested in starting a
family or having a long term committed relationship? Or are they just using me for a one night
stand, you can actually be like, Okay, well, before I give you access to my emotional capital, and
		

			also access to my body, we're going to make sure that we're on the same page as to what our
intentions are. And we're also going to have different mechanisms in place that are going to hold
you accountable, to make sure that you're being honest in your intentions, and you're not just sweet
talking to me to get what you want. Right. And so that's why we don't really have dating, per se, in
Islam, at least not what non Muslim culture considers dating, right? If there's going to be romance
between two individuals, it has to exist within the system of checks and balances. It can't just be
two individuals alone, you have to involve people that are kind of auditors, right? A third party,
		

			outside those two individuals to be like, Yo, he's trying to take advantage of you, or yo, she's
just trying to take advantage of you. Because if it's left up to just the two individuals, there's a
reason we say love is blind, right? When you're in the thick of it, and this person is so
attractive, and that you've got all these commonalities and points in common with them, you're not
going to be able to act in your best interest, you're not going to be able to see if that person
really means well by you, or if they're sincere, or they want a long term relationship. There's no
way. So why wouldn't non Muslims realize this too, because when it comes to love interest, they're
		

			gonna go ask, I used to be a waiter, before I was a Muslim. And I would have so many women asked me
for advice about dating and all their questions were always the same. Do you think he's serious? How
do I interpret this action that he did? How do I interpret this thing that he said? Why put yourself
through all that confusion? Why put yourself through all that doubt? Why put yourself through all of
that turmoil, wasting your time, wasting your youth, wasting your energy, and putting yourself
potentially in a dangerous situation? Islam says, let's put it all out in the clear, let's put it
all out in the open, are you serious about the person, if you're serious about the person, then you
		

			should be willing to get married? Okay, even if you're not going to get married away, at least you
should intend to get married. And if you're serious about this person, then there needs to be some
supervision. We have to involve some family members. It's not just about two individuals, because
when two people get together and a bond of marriage, guess what if you have kids, those kids become
somebody's grandkids. Right? Those kids become somebody's nice somebody's nephew. So why would you
have absolutely no input or absolutely no supervision or, or oversight from those parties? Now,
there's another extreme that we could go to, okay. There exists the opposite extreme where now those
		

			other parties the future grandparents have too much say, and they're forceful. But just because
there's one extreme doesn't mean we don't go to the other extreme. There is a way to preserve the
spark, the romantic spark, and the the infatuation stage and the romance and all these sorts of
things. And, and choice and consent and all these things. There's a way to preserve that, but also
have mechanisms in place where nobody gets hurt and nobody gets taken advantage of, and nobody
wastes their time.