Channel: The Deen Show
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When bad things happen, they call traditionally masculine men. If you need a firefighter, you need a masculine man. Why are young Muslim men looking up to the likes of Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson masculine men have a duty to provide and protect those they care about is that there's so disgruntled in there so resentful at the mainstream voices out there, that they're willing to latch on to anything that speaks to them. And who aren't. Who are these voices out there? It's and it's revolving between and rotate right. And Jordan Peterson.
and His final messengers, Muhammad peace be upon him? This is our religion. This is love. This is the dijo
we're ready to talk about
explaining how much respect I have for the faith of Islam show welcomes in today's show that the show
Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa salam aleikum greetings of peace. Welcome to the deen Show. I'm your host subscribe if you have not already. And I have a special guest who taught me a very important topic and to cover this topic of the role of the man world of women whatever you want to call it, feminism nowadays is taking over and all sorts of people are being looked up to you have agitate why are people gravitate to him towards Jordan Peterson so he, before he made this real catastrophe have a decision to go towards, you know, having a certain person on the program you guys know I'm talking about with the Netanyahu and whatnot but a person who's specialized in this area have been talking
much about it want to get him and his feedback on this. My next guest Sheikh Yusuf Seussian how are you? Hi Camilla Vatika Luffy comes as echolocate for having me How are you doing che how's everything? I'm good in a little nervous? Yeah. Tell us about that. Well, watching something for years, you know growing up watching your shows Allahumma Bedich and then finding myself in the hot seat is is a bit strange, right in a good way. Aloma Likkle Hansard it's this is a very interesting I'm usually the one watching that the one speak and so I shot him but it's your generosity of having me on your show and considering me worthy as it gets sort of second lucky for having me. Thanks for
being here. I'm gonna get into showing you because the one thing is nowadays we're seeing a lot of young men gravitating towards watching such figures who've kind of taken off in the social media world and out there like Jordan Peterson and I mentioned him with a caveat because I'm sure a lot of Muslims are very very upset with this blunder that he made you know hopefully turn his life back around and make it right for the decision you know, but he what he did with the Palestinian thing but there what what are your views on that?
You know, well, let's move on to him. And Rahim Al hamdu Lillahi Rabbil Alameen wa ala Hardwell Allah Allah volley mean,
la mia, silly Emily was Friday, Saturday. Well, Hopper that's me. Listen, you have to Hoopoe, hopefully I ask Allah subhanho wa Taala that what we're doing here is a proof for us on Judgement Day, first and foremost, and not a proof against us alone. I mean, so I guess I need to start off, a lot of people are asking, and it really baffles me as to why they ask the question is if they don't know the answer. So the typical question online on social media is, well, why are young Muslim men looking up to the likes of Andrew Tate and Jordan Peterson? That's what I was going to mention. Next, Andrew Tate, you know, along with Jordan. Yeah. And the reason I mean, a lot of times when you
especially when you're talking about gender dynamics are talking about equality, women, the role of women and so forth, you're going to bring up and rotate you're by extension going to bring up Jordan Peterson and I think the opposite is equally true. When you people are asking Muslims are asking, Why are young Muslim men, right? Looking up to the likes of agitate or even Jordan Peterson? And I think to myself, honestly, if you're either living under a rock or in a different world not to know the answer, and I think the answer has always been clear, to me at least, it's always been obvious as to why the average young Muslim man is looking up to these these figures. And I find it
interesting that people do not know the answer. However, my take on this is that when you look at how straightforward, how brutally honest how they cut to the chase, these are things that have that are usually admired. When we're speaking, when we're speaking the truth, when we're speaking our heart when we're Frank, when we're candid, these are usually traits that are appreciated in any across cultures, right? But what I've seen happening over the past decade per
has to is that when
political correctness crept into our masajid a lot of these truth obvious truth claims that have been truth claims for centuries are now being selectively pushed under the rug. Right. And so what you have what I believe is happening is that Muslim mainstream discourse is badgering young Muslim men, right? You're toxic how you feel is toxic. What you think is toxic the way you look. It's toxic, the way you walk is toxic. So a lot of these men, they're being badgered, right. And people are I mean, this is what's been said. Yeah, and I talk these are the Shabaab this Shabbat means you with, by the way, not the group, a lot of young Muslim men, this is how they feel, right? In this is
they feel as though they're being cornered, and no one is speaking to them. People are talking down on them, right. And mothers are starting to pick up on this as well. And they're starting to see this. And a lot of they're young. They're young. This is from your experience now being a uni mom also. Yes, yes. So yes, you're gonna see this firsthand. I see that firsthand. And by the way, there's not a community I visit. There's not a community I visit in America, only that a group of youth will come up to me and say, should we use it? How come other chefs are not talking about this? Right? So there's a great deal of selectivity when it comes to what's being shown out there. What's
What are people addressing? And what are people so young men are coming to you and saying, Why are other scholars other Imams? Not talking? or touching upon what specifically this anything that's here, anything that's related to Muslim women is gradually but surely becoming the unforgivable sin? It's becoming slowly a red line. And guess what? To be brutally honest, this I feel hurts women the most, it's not doing women a favor. It's not looking out for women, that you completely shove everything that has to do with women, all those topics, you shove under the rug, and you limit your discourse to being good to your neighbor, the Mercy of Allah in how we should vote, and to four to
five different subjects. Right. Let me let me switch the conversation here, right, although this was not intended, when is the last time you for instance, walked into a masjid? And you heard the Hadith talking about hijab? The conditions of hijab, and you get around quite a lot, right? Tell me when is the last time I can't remember. When is the last time you walked into the masjid. And you heard a healthy talking about how a Muslim woman is to obey her husband? That's an Islamic concept. This is not my wish jihad or my idea or my opinion, maybe
decade ago, a decade ago. Yes, that's exactly what's happening in a lot of young Muslim men, unfortunately. And I am reluctant to say this, but it is the truth. And it has to be said, I feel as though I feel I feel like I'm here to sound off the alarm, because a lot of young men are starting to see this selectivity. Right? Where are the Muslim mainstream, for example, where are the Muslim mainstream voices, who are speaking as candid, and as Frank and as straightforward as, for example, Jordan Peterson, and Andrew Tate. And by the way, whatever Jordan Peterson has done, that we obviously completely and wholeheartedly disagree with what he has done doesn't take away from the
truth that he has spoken. I think people have to stop mixing up the two, right, the truth is the truth, irrespective of who said it, or what happened later, that there's what's called in feedback, we have to separate between the two, right? If it's the truth, he said it or someone else, it doesn't really matter. So I believe there's a great deal of selectivity in our younger generation. They're becoming disgruntled, they're feeling they have this feeling of resentment towards the Muslim mainstream voice and that's why today it's you're criticizing the men all along. But to criticize women constructive criticism is completely off the table. So in a nutshell, LP Edie this
is exactly what's happening is that a lot of the younger generation the young men, it's not that they're because what you hear is that oh, these are you know, and I find it to be quite insulting is that anytime the young men do look up to such figures, Oh, these are just in sales. You guys are just having a hard time you know, finding good women. That's why you look up to agitate and I would, I would bother I would prefer to disagree and say that is far far from the truth. Do you look up to Andrew tea? I mean, I the truth, I'm not gonna lie before I heard of him and before him accepted Islam, I saw some of his clips and I wasn't too fond of it. You'll you're going to find certain
truth claims that certain assert these truths, I asked you, I asked you because this is what people are asking, oh, you're looking up to Andrew Tate. So no, but no, but But what some of what Andrew Tate says, resonates with with us in Islam, such as honoring the husband obey and the husband being the leader of the House. This This today is controversial to to say on the member. This was never controversial and it should not be controversial and I am of the opinion of it. We have to re normalize this and leave political correctness if we truly want productive
shouldn't change, we have to leave political correctness outside of our pulpits and outside of our message. So there's a difference. Okay, he's saying some truths, but obviously we don't take him as a role model. Not at all. Not at all. And plus, the brother recently accepted Islam, right, why he did or why he didn't. That's none of our business. That's between him and Allah subhanho wa taala. However, the truth is to be taken from anyone. Now, again, you have to consider the where the young men are coming from, okay, is that they're so disgruntled in their so resentful at the mainstream voices out there, that they're willing to latch on to anything that speaks to them. And who aren't?
Who are these voices out there? It's and it's revolving between Andrew Tate. Right. And Jordan Peterson. And this is why the young Muslim men are looking up to such figures. Let me ask you, after we watched this video, get your feedback on it. Sure, willing to latch on to anything that speaks to them? And who aren't? Who are these voices out there? It's and it's revolving between Andrew Tate. Right. And Jordan Peterson. And this is why the young Muslim men are looking up to such figures. Let me ask you, after we watched this video, get your feedback on it. Sure thing from being a masculine good man. To a bad man. There's no such thing as too much masculine Eve, it's genuinely masculine,
genuine masculinity is not out here to hurt people's absolutely the opposite is out here to protect. And when bad things happen, they call traditionally masculine men. If you need a firefighter, you need a masculine man, when you call the police because of the problem you have. You want masculine men, and as soon as a woman or man is in trouble, when you look for backup, you look for masculine men and masculine men have a duty to provide and protect those they care about. We have a duty to do things we don't feel like doing because we know we're supposed to do them. And that's why we stayed in the Titanic and died. Those were masculine. Where did you get your views of this from? Just what
I grew up with is the family I grew up around and the father, your mother, yeah, and the world I lived in. And I think a lot of the things I'm saying now about masculinity and how people should act in the world, how the world should function were considered completely normal and accepted by everybody. Only 20 years ago, I think the world just lost its mind for me to stand up and say a man should protect a woman now gets to be called a misogynist and canceled. If I said that 10 years ago, I would say dA and what's funny is everyone who argues against me, it says Men shouldn't protect women, especially all the feminists, if they are with their boyfriend and a man broke into their
house, guess who they'd expect to go downstairs?
Who do you think think they go themselves? Are they going to Afghanistan? No, we send men to do these things, what we say we send women in the armed forces to when you have to generalize when you make points. There are many, many exceptions, not disprove the rule. There. Are you going to concede there are many courageous women serving in the army. Absolutely, and utterly, completely correct. But by and large, traditionally, soldiers are men. Exceptions do not disprove the rule. Well, it's not an exception. It's a fact that there are a lot of women on the armed force. Correct. But if you were to take the average soldier, they are a male. If you're allowed to say who's a male who was a
nowadays I'm assuming their gender I apologize. If you ever take the average soldier there are male, which means that exceptions are the female soldiers which because there's a lower percent of them are lower probability except it's not disproves the rules. Men do the fight. Well, right now in Ukraine, men cannot leave. Women are allowed to leave because men have to fight in the frontline and women are allowed to go to Dubai. That is how it is. There's nothing crazy about what he's saying.
Is that one of those things that he's talking about that you would agree with? Of course, I'm sorry, as a Muslim, how can you disagree with what he said. But the reason why people seem to have a fit in an issue with what he said, first off, is because Andrew Tate is extremely vocal when it comes to these issues. Okay, today, we either want someone to completely agree with us and dive in nose first. And if not, oh, you're either completely full fledged in on my side, or I don't like you and your cancel, right? I completely took it from my mouth. If we were alive 20 years ago, give or take it, Eddie, I don't think we would be recording this podcast. Because it was somewhat basic and
obvious. What the men do and what what the women do. So what he said, I don't find anything controversial. But here's what's happened in that I think we're not really shedding light on the pendulum has swung so far to one direction, that now when you try to simply bring it back to the middle, that is considered controversial and not acceptable. Just to just to bring it back to the middle. That's not acceptable by a lot of people. Constructive criticism for many today is an insult.
Right? So this is this is I think, what's what's happened to start with this term. What does this mean for the person that doesn't know this when you when we use this word feminism feminist? What does that mean? So basically feminism.
It's what they what they would say is, it's about seeking women's rights or equal rights with men. Okay, now initially, initially, in Europe, this is what had
Is that women wanted equal rights with their counterparts parts with with men, however, first wave, second wave, third wave, you know now to the fourth wave, it is in trust me when I say this, it's not about rights anymore. It's about having equal rights with men. Okay? But today we're at we're at such a point, it's no longer about equal rights. Today. Unfortunately, it is about trampling over men to praise men today, on social media, you can easily get cancelled. For some women, the only thing they seem to be interested in, is to constantly and consistently perpetuate the narrative of display and men as either rapists, violent, aggressive, rude, or lazy bums.
Is this the reality? It's not the reality. Right. And so but this is what's being perpetuated. So in short, they say that it's about equal rights with men. But that also remains to be selective. Right? And let me maybe further clarify, the reason why some Muslim women, a growing number of Muslim women, the young and impressionable, the reason why I would say, fall for this ism is because it carries a positive connotation. So when you take the word gender equality, the word equality is declared and independently by itself, it's a positive word. It carries positive vibes, right? It doesn't rub you the wrong way. And the Muslim or the average Muslim does not really know what in the
world she's dealing with. The average 1718 year old comes comes in, and she really comes in with a good intention. But she has no idea what in the world what a monster this feminism is that she's dealing with. So she looks at the word equality and says, Well, she associate associates associates it with equal opportunity, right? Equal pay, and these are good things, right? So she says, Okay, these are good things in Islam, you know, offers women their rights. So these are one in the same thing. And I think it's our duty, again, as Muslims, as Muslim to Hot Mainstream speakers, mache leaders of the communities, not to say it's our policy not to talk about feminism in our institute,
because this is what's happening. You have certain Institute's Fe Edie who say their policy is is for us not to address feminism for us not to allude to it and for us not to talk about it. And I find this to be the epitome of the epitome of deception.
I cannot sleep at night knowing that these women are heading in that direction. And I'm convincing myself Oh, now is not the time, it's not a wisdom for me to talk about this. Right. And that's why I am of the opinion, I there is no room what I look at when I view feminism, I view it as this ferocious bear with its claws right at you. This is how I am. This is why I keep talking about feminism. This is why I keep tweeting about feminism. This is why I keep posting about feminism. Others unfortunately, in the field, are trying to portray this monster as this nice little rabbit. I think we all need to smell the coffee, we need to all stand up, take a stand and clarify to the
young, impressionable Muslims, that this is a dangerous monster you're dealing with and it's not your friend. It's not your ally. They don't care about you and they are not on your side. When you talk to different women out there do the majority. Do they classify themselves as feminists? Or you they have the tendencies that fit into this criteria as a feminist? How does usually work? Well, they it really depends on who you're dealing with. At what stage is it online? Is it in person. But what I have seen online is over the years, they've taken in a lot of these concepts. The concepts are taken in Yeah, the concepts of feminism, right how a woman should be right and so and that's why
you have two epistemologies here that are literally fighting toe to toe against each other. Right? So she is a Muslim, right? She does her five she prays her hijab, but she's heavily influenced by the feminist rhetoric out there, not realizing that her her idea, the way she views life has been shaped in such a way that it really still conflict with the basic teachings of Islam. Right. And that's why people I don't think they realize to what extent and to what degree this feminism is dangerous, right? By the way, this was not even part of the plan, but I'm going to bring up her name. Feminism is you start off with seeking rights. You start off really with a good intention. And
hey, I'm just here because I want to secure I want women to secure their rights and I want to secure rights for the Muslim woman. They start off good. However, as you gradually start to move forward. You're holding on to Islam on one side, you're
Holding on to feminism on one side, as the car starts to go on faster and move faster, she's still holding on but she realizes the deeper she goes or the faster the car goes, the more these two start to separate in which leads me to name Melba Zeze named Melba zazz was a woman from 100 men. Her sister gave an hour long podcast. And her ending was gruesome. She ended up at the end of her life committed suicide. Who was this name Al possess? And who was she a good name and pizzazz was a sister Her story is she started off as as a normal, average Muslim, and she wanted to join, you know, the feminist group she wanted, you know, to fight for women's rights and women's liberation,
and so on and so forth. So, see she got in the movement, she she got deeper and deeper and deeper. And now we're talking about dealing in private chats, private groups, why did your profit do this? Why does this AASA that how come you have to obey your husband? How come the Quran says you can only inherit this and the list goes on and on. It starts just compounding that see that's the issue. It starts off innocent, but it morphs into either leading you to become a lesbian, okay? Or it leads you to leave Islam, or it leads you to question Allah's existence, or it can also lead you to suicide, as we've unfortunately seen with our sister. So again, and this is why I keep calling this
ideology or this isn't a mon stir. Now, is this going to be the case with every sister out there? No. But I think it is enough for us to see what happens in a male possess. And the reason he Eddie the reason why this happened again, your your viewers are all more than welcome to see her video, her sister gave an hour long podcast, basically explaining how her sister gradually moved up in this and she got really deep into it. But as Allah says magia Hola Hola. Hola, Julie min Albania fee jofa. Allah has not put two hearts
in our chest, meaning that this could be literally or metaphorically, literally, obviously, but metaphorically meaning that your heart cannot bear to withstand two loyalties within it.
So you cannot be a full practice and Muslim. Right and be okay with this. But at the same time, you have adopted this feminist, it's going to take a toll on you. And that's why Muslims have to really check themselves, the 10 years of Netflix the 10 years of you know, 1020 years of Netflix, HBO, TV shows the music, the American Idol, you cannot tell me that this is not going to take a toll on the way you view life. And it is only natural that later on, when you're navigating through the Quranic texts, you're navigating through the Sunnah, you're going to find yourself at unease, because a lot of what you're going to come across is not going to mesh well or conform to the worldview that
you've already adopted years ago. And this is where the anxiety starts to take place. Would you say it's kind of like, no, like a, you know, Windows computer, let's say imagine you're using a Windows computer and you're out there surfing the web. And you're just all over the place. And then here comes a malware. And here comes a virus gets into computer and then it starts acting up. So all these things, you know, if it's not filtered properly, we get all these ideas in our mind, our brains like a sponge, and all these things start creeping up. And then you end up becoming a victim to things such as what we're discussing here and other things. And then you don't even know it
before you know it. Your Your heart might gravitate towards a particular speaker, they might say something that captivates you, and you go deeper into a deeper into it. And now you start adapting and mimicking and just just repeating the things that they are teaching you right and then it starts to conflict, you spend less time learning your deen and you're over here learning from Miss
Miss Johnson over here, whatever you want to call her her name is feminist on Instagram with her shorts, and now you're starting to take off and a whole different direction. If I could just follow following up with your point there, see the whole world the whole world at large, these establishments, these multibillion dollar corporations, right? These entities are very, very focused on women. But they are more super hyper fixated on Muslim women. Because at the end of the day, what's left? It's the Muslim woman who's left, right. And so what this is what's happened in Effie is that the whole world is telling women how to behave, how to carry themselves, right and what they
could do and how no one is to tell them what to do. No one is to tell you how to dress no one is to tell you when to go out. No one is to tell you, you're your own agency, not your husband should get into that business, not your father, not your brother. So what's happening is the whole world but then they are telling you what to do. But they're telling you not to but then been another and they're telling you the fashion industry and then all these other forces
Those are telling you what to do, of course. And so you have, it's not even that though. So you have one, one group on one end. And then you have when we're, when we're speaking to women, when we're speaking to women,
we're doing the same exact thing. We're just reminding them of their rights. So now, the person who comes to criticize women are to offer legitimate controvert. Not not controversial, but legitimate, constructive criticism, all of a sudden, that person is boxed as a misogynist, as a male, chauvinist, as a woman hater, as a man who was dogged out by women in his past, or as a man who is intimidated by an accomplished woman. And that's what just because he's relaying certain truths only because he said that, you know, Allah subhanho wa Taala placed men as leaders over their women folk, or because he talked about hijab, or because he said that women should not be dressed in a in a
sleazy way. This has always been quite obvious. And it's been very easy for us to speak about. But it's becoming more and more difficult. But I think this is very, very crucial, Eddie, that the whole world talks to them about their rights. And now that the basic mainstream voice talks about their rights. And so who's left, the way this is perceived as the average Muslim male who adopts this ism, she's looking as well, so and so was talking about us, and he's criticizing us, and he's telling us what we're doing wrong. Oh, he must be an insult. So you wouldn't do a hot when Muslim speakers, we're not all on the same page. It gives the impression to the average Muslim or that, oh, these
people, they just had these speakers, they just have a problem with women, they need to sort it out. Because hey, these speakers are not talking about it. So it must be okay. I got news for you, when we're in closed doors. We're not saying that it's okay for you to do that. No, we're not arguing or debating or going back and forth. That isn't really highlighted for her to be dressed like that. No. Are we're discussing, what's the best way to go about it? Use of sushi is the is deciding that we have to be vocal about these matters. Others are still, you know, saying that no, you know, silence is wisdom and wisdom is the best policy. And we have to wait another 10 years to talk about these
issues. I'm sorry, this is not the way things ought to be done. Have you sat in private meetings and friendly mom? Scholars and yes, address this? Yes. voiced his concern what has been some of their responses? It's the usual thing is what I usually get Fe Edie as we have to use wisdom. I agree. We have to use wisdom. But their understanding of wisdom is it's a matter of jihad. Right? I disagree with the way they're going about it. They disagree. They think basically, now is not the time. But when is the time 3040 years from now? See, had all the other voices he Edie had they been silent? Use of Susi would not be talking about this. But when you have so many voices out there, influential
mega voices out there, and you're telling me it's a wisdom to remain silent? I'd say no, no, no, no, no, this is the epitome of deception. And we are hurting our young Muslim women. And so I think we've made a mistake for the past two decades. But I think it is high time that we flip things around and we start being vocal in direct about things that need our immediate attention. Are there many sisters that agree with you? Because usually if it's coming from sisters also, would you say it has more of an impact or should it be coming from from the community the leaders of the Muslim community are? Well lay I think everybody has to do their part. Yeah, everybody has
a Muslim imam, a Muslim imam. There was his brother who gave a
sermon about hijab.
Okay, and there was a woman on the board and I assume she was a feminist or a feminist Lima right? Because, by the way, I use the word for mislim I just instead of saying a feminist because a Muslim is basically a Muslim feminist, right so I just say famously my just in case someone sees my post out there, it says feminist and it doesn't apply to her you know that the non Muslim and that's I specify the word feminism. So he ended up giving a a talk about basic Hochberg, nothing on his own. Allah said, the Hadith says, and that's it.
This individual she went, she was on the board, she went out of her out of her way, after the hook, but who is this person? We have to make sure we have to vet those who are going to give future hook was here. Why did he talk about that? She had a fit. Why? Because he was telling my hijab because he talked about hijab. Yeah, I'm telling you, and she wasn't wearing hijab. See? I honestly, I don't know, even if she was, it's still that idea of see, we don't realize it. But we are at the point where women now are beyond reproach. See, there was a time I used to believe when people will say, well, she if it's not the fact you said it, there's just the way you said it. I believe we're beyond
that. It's not that anymore. It's not that I think, true. We have to be careful in how we word, our statements and clarify that but at the same time, let's be honest, there are
Some people who've been pampered for so long, that they're amazing, they're exceptional. They're just the greatest thing that ever happened. And when you come and tell them, that's really not the case, a lot of them are not going to take it that that well. And I think we're at that stage right now we've been doing too much. See, when you pamper someone for too much, you're too much, you're going to destroy them. When you criticize someone too much, you're going to destroy them. And that's why the balance, right between affirmation and between criticism, there's always been a balance in our religion teaches that. But I think we're at a point now where too deep, and I think we just have
to stop it, put an end to it now. And just be organic and natural the way Allah wants us to be, yeah, you go deeper, you also talk about the emasculation of men in Hollywood, you know, at a higher level. And then again, that goes back to what we're watching what we're seeing having an impact on us. See, that's the thing. See, if we if we really want to remedy our problem, we have to get out of our inferiority complex into we have to be unique and original. We cannot take everything, every trend that we see in society, and try to Islam modify it, and try to tweak it and say, Hey, we do too. We have to come to a point and say, No, there's no such thing in Islam next. We're not there
yet. There's nothing that the non Muslims are doing. Only that we want to offer an Islamic version. I'm sorry, sometimes we have to be confident and bold and stand tall and high and say, There's no such Islamic way of doing that. Alright, so when you talk about emasculation, of men, this is found in Hollywood. It's found in cartoons, right? It's found in commercials, alright. It's found even in the Disney films, right? Where the woman where the man is shown as this week before, he's the idiot. He just doesn't have it together. He doesn't have these leadership skills. Right. And the woman, she's the uppity up, and she's the one who's got all her stuff figured out. And the man is just
before him. And he's he's afraid, right? In my teenage years, by the way,
I cannot tell you how many men I've met, who were afraid of their wives. And when I say afraid, I mean afraid. Market seed. Of course, it's the masculine, it's the masculine emasculating of men. Right? And of course that going back to what you watch, it's going to take a toll on you. What enters your ears, in what your eyes see. Right? Those are pathways to where your heart, you cannot watch this nonsense for years on end and think that you're not going to be affected. Yes, you're going to find the mmm, judgmental? Yes, you're going to find the speech harsh. Do you know why? Because of all those items that went through both of your important pathways and led to your heart,
what do you think it's gonna go? It's gonna stay there. That's the malware the virus is coming. Obviously, above. Yes, like a computer example. I'll give you a show. I was watching an animated flick on my way to Seattle to visit this community not too long ago. And it was I think it was the movie was called Rio. Is that does that speak to you at all? Yeah, it was it was real basic. In short, in short, it's about two I believe they're called Macao birds. I don't think I'm pronouncing that correctly. There was a male and there was a female. Yeah, okay. The male, the male was a domesticated bird in Minnesota, and the other one was a wild bird, the female bird was in Brazil.
And it's just so by the way, it just so happened that this the male domestic domesticated bird happened to be in Minnesota. I don't know why. Right, right at my place. So he's a domesticated bird. And he's all nice. And he's, you know, very calm and collected and very reserved, and very, you know, he's domesticated. He's in a cage and his owners drinking a cup of coffee in a nice library. He's not, he's not rough. Yeah. Okay. And of course, the female, the female bird is in Brazil, in between the lions in between the jungle, you know, she's flying all over the place. And so they wanted, they wanted these animals to get together and reproduce, if you will. So they take
this domesticated bird from Minnesota Fly, fly the bird all the way down to to to Brazil. And of course, they get locked up the enemies, they're looking for them, the birds gets stolen. The gist of the story, Eddie is when you look at the woman, and when you look at the man, the man is domesticated. He's the one who's afraid. He's the one who's afraid of taking risks. He's the one of saying, Oh, my God, I can't do that. And she's like, what, you just get your stuff together. So it's the woman who's leading the pack now. And the man is the little, you know, scary cat, right? And of course, you watch one flick to flick, three flick. This is going to take a toll on you as a young
Muslim man or a young Muslim woman. And guess what? If the voice is on the minab, that are oblivious, and they're not pointing these things out? It's going to shape you. And this is exactly what's happening. Right. If for example, even when you watch something like sometimes some brothers will send you certain comedy flicks. You notice although they say it, and they're trying to be funny and humorous about it. You'll notice later on that there's a gist of truth in it. Right? So when a man goes golfing, he has to get his
wife's permission? You know, honey? No, no, of course I'm coming, you know. But then when he reverses the role and when she's talking to him, she's all like, you know what, if you don't come here, now we're going to have problems. And so he on the other end says, okay, okay, no, no, I'll be right there, honey. No, I don't, I'm not playing golf, I don't have time for my friends, you know. So she's the one who's basically putting him in check, right not to say that use of sushi wants one or the other to put, you know, in check, but it shows you that things are changing. And we have to come to the realization, I think sooner than later to accept that the man in Islam is the leader of
the household, he is the colon, right. Irrespective of how many degrees you have, irrespective of your career, irrespective of how lucrative your income is, you do not become the home of the house. That is something that Allah subhanho wa Taala gave the men and it's not for the woman.
Let's don't be mad at me. This is basic Islam. It's always been this way. Right? What if she says, Well, he's unconsciously incompetent, right? More fit for that position? Sure. And guess what? There are certain situations that are like that, right? And that's why when you talk about it, so for instance, you're this brings in another subject of hypergamy, right? There's this author who wrote a book, it's called men on strike. And she talks about this concept of hypergamy. And that is that you find women who are suited to lead the household. But let me ask you this. Is that the exception? Or is that the rule?
Generally speaking, that's the exception assumption. Yeah, that's the that's not the rule. Because Allah subhanahu Allah created it within them to want to lead. I mean, the lust explicitly says in the Quran, originally our Munna, Hala, and Nisa, right, that the men are caretakers over women are of women, right. And so it's in our nature to want to lead. And that's why I think an egregious mistake that we Muslims have done and continue to do is to turn the exception into the rule and the rule into the exception, it doesn't work like that. It doesn't work like that, right. And if she's better suited for that position, and they're, they're, they're, you know, they're living in harmony,
and things are working for them. Good. But sometimes, the marriages are miserable, because the roles have been literally flipped upside down. The man wants to carry out the women's, the woman's role, and the woman is trying to carry out the man's role, right? Because again, the the pathways, right and what they've been taken in for years on end, but they don't realize at the end of the day, they're both very well off. They're doing very good for themselves, but their intimate life, their personal life, that their marriage is miserable.
You're seeing this first one, yes, yes, yes. Let's some package this, when you talk about the man, he's the leader of the home, because sometimes, you know, the environment with all of these things that are out there will construe this with someone who, okay, he's the leader of the home does that does that mean? That he is what does that mean? Actually, if you unpackage that, you know, that doesn't take away that he's obviously he's compassionate, he's kind, he's merciful, all those good qualities in there. But it says he's firm, right? He's somebody that needs to be respected. unpackage that more so you give a better picture, because to some people that might be like, oh,
what he's now has the, the, the authority to oppress me. Right. So that's a that's a very good question. Because when people you know, when when you talk about the concept, for example of obedience, right? Usually there's this, there's this image. And of course, Hollywood has done such a diligent job over the past decades in portraying that image of the woman as a slave to her husband, and the husband is basically just whipping her in do and don't stand up, sit down, you know, and of course, this is too much television, right? I mean, but can I also be honest and say that some men have contributed to this? Yes. Right. Some men out there have unfortunately contributed to the
stereotype. Right? And that is that his wife for him is basically just like one of his daughters. He doesn't treat her with respect. He doesn't honor her. He doesn't consult her. He doesn't, you know, get her opinion. Right. So, Islam is Islam is a balanced religion, that it wants you to be a man meaning that you assume responsibility, right? That you're not careless that you are, you're driven. You have motivation, you are determined, you are guided and lead in the family. It's not seen a Muslim man. Islam does not ask of us men to become tyrants in the home, but at the same time, that's one extreme. The other opposite extreme of the pendulum. Is when you become a doormat is when you
become a yes man. And you think that being a yes man is going to get you all the results that you've ever been, you know, hoping and wishing for, and I'm sorry to tell you, you're not going to get your wife's respect by being a yes man. The Prophet sallallahu alayhi wa sallam for example, right? The Prophet alayhi salaatu wa sallam would hardly say no, he would say yes, but I can assure you if you look through his Sierra
He was far from a Yes, man. Okay, and if you want to have me on a different episode, we can talk about that one by one because I think that really needs an episode in itself. So going back to what you've asked, just so we're not drifting too far away. We don't want men Islam is not asking of meant to be tyrants. But it's also not asking of men to be these doormats where they don't have a say, and whatever he says, she's like, I don't care. And of course, this is no, no God conscious, Muslim woman who, who loves and fears her Creator, she shouldn't have that kind of attitude. Not at all, not at all. And that's why when we talk about a woman's obedience to her husband, enormous a
man obviously to keep balance, he should be kind, compassionate, loving towards his wife, but at the same time, he has to make certain decisions as the protector, maintaining the family, to protect the family. So when he makes the decision, that a I want my wife home at nine o'clock, you know, I don't want her go to down, you know, go out at this time. And she's like, whatever I'm at No, no, she can't do she got to be home at a certain time. Can I see? I feel like you're gonna drag me into something completely different. And these are all interrelated, by the way, but men are just an exhibit, right? Yes, of course. And that's not out of his like, you know, being attacked. He's he
loves his family. He loves his it's not to say it's out of love and protection. Yeah, but the way the enemies of Islam have framed the discourse is, oh, no, he's doing that. Because he wants to hinder your freedom, and he wants to hinder your rights. And he's your biggest stumbling block to the free world. But like you said, Why isn't men doing that? It's because he knows what a nasty world it is out there. How evil people can be. And guess what, for since time immemorial, men preyed on women. And it's not the opposite way around. Right? And that's why so when we talk about this concept of obedience, right, a woman obey and her husband, there are many a hadith. There are many a
hadith that talk about a woman's way to Paradise, if she's married, is by her obedience to her husband. Okay, this is just basic Islam. But for someone who's never heard, maybe
authentic hadith in this area, which one which couple come to your mind? Which who I'm sorry, which, if someone for someone who hasn't heard one of these authentic statements from the last fundamental problem, Muhammad, which two or three come to your mind, when you see two or three in terms of eath, regarding this, so the Prophet sallallahu wasallam, right. He says,
Hadith. It's an Ahmed for example, he said, This is something that let's say at a now the sheer who's listening, maybe he can go ahead and be refreshed and mentioned some of these. See, I think, but to be honest, I feel like you're being very charitable and that's that's very good in you. I appreciate that. It's a praiseworthy content, that's a praiseworthy character to have. But can I be very honest with you? He's already very familiar with a lot of these a hadith, right? He says, For example, you want to attend some of the comsa Well, solid sama Chara Nam, Kala Lucha ad Xhosa para la Toliman webull Genetti Shetty. There's not a woman who prays for example, her five in the hadith
is an ombudsman Hadith that says there is not a woman who prays her five who fasts, the month of Ramadan in obeys her husband, only that on Judgment Day, she'll be told, go into any of the doors of paradise you want. But this is this for many women today, because of all of these voices and what they've taken in it is like climbing a steep mountain can she say well, that hadith is if someone said a Shinto because it's in the Quran too. But if someone says look that's also for women it was keep it equal feminist says you can't you can't use it the other way if if a man praises Friday prayers if he fast any obeys his wife, should I be flipped around. I mean, you can but I mean,
there's there's a hierarchy that no one can run away. It's inescapable. So you can't flip that hadith that you want. If you're a feminist, and you want to keep it co equal. No, here's the thing. If Yeah, see, that's the problem. You're when you run into this see, for when you if you come naturally, see, let me let me say this right. And I know we're jumping around from point to point, the a woman back home, right? An elderly woman, you go to a remote village somewhere in some country, right? If you tell her a woman has to obey her husband, she's not going to she's not going to look at you in dismay, and say excuse me. Now this woman probably can't read or write.
Okay? Are you with me? Yes. But if you were to tell her this, she's gonna look at you and say, that's what's new. Yeah, I Okay, of course. I'm gonna have this like, Oh, yeah. Why and what is the word obedience really mean? And how come I have to obey Him? While obedience is no obedience is not mutual consultation. It's not that I'm sorry. newish mutual. BA is obedience. So for example, I remember this one sister and this is why I said it's dangerous because you start digging in certain things and you start to literally throw away the Hadith corpus and its entirety because you're not finding something that suits you is the general Maxim here is that as long as he's not calling you
May Allah and His Messenger, then its obedience, of course, in all of it is within reason. Yeah, it's within reason, right? We're not talking about crazy extreme limits, right. But I think we have to re institute that concept. And that has to be in the peripheral of a lot of Muslim women that if you're going to marry this man, then you should know that you're going to get close to Allah subhanho wa Taala by being dutiful to this man, if you're not ready to do that, maybe it's you're not ready for marriage. And just thinking about it. Do you think that it's been taken to an extreme just like you have the hate provocateurs out there, those who aren't Islamophobia industry, they
take a fringe very small fringe element doesn't even add up to 0.001%. Right, let's say some extreme right person who does something and
brings try it and then they try to use that and tarnish Islam? Can you flip it here where they will magnify where you have, obviously, you have, like you said, some men do some things they shouldn't do is opposite of Islam. And they focus on these poor examples. And now they magnify this as if the Muslim men have been oppressive to women for centuries. Yeah. And again, that's, that's fallen prey that's fallen prey to your own enemy. Because a lot of times, it's about how you frame things. It's about how you say it, right? So because No, no Muslim was praying five times a day, who was who has Taqwa of Allah wants to bring harm to his great his wife, what kind of marriage is he going to have?
You know, I mean, you're absolutely right. And I think, again, that goes back to making the rule, the exception and the exception out of the rule, right? If Well, let me say this, and I don't mean to be too, you know, too provocative or too controversial. But if every man on earth, disobey if every man on earth, abused his wife, the concept of a woman's obedience to her husband, will still remain.
We're not saying we're not advocating that no, but a woman's obedience to her husband has always been a Muslim concept. Right? And I just a sister, I wanted to mention this sister earlier, who said, Well, there's no such thing. There's no authentic hadith that says that a woman should obey her husband but the word PA is actually in the Quran. Where Allah subhanho wa Taala talks about the disobedient women right, he says, will lead to the Huff woman who shows the Honda for the Honda Roger, wonderful mobogenie Well, the ribuan for in ALPA Netcom the word the word PA, if they are a PA, come if they obey you.
In Atlanta, Kampala, Felice alikhan SML I forget the AOA life and upon a Confederate teboho Allah hinda sebelah if they obey you, then to not transgress the boundaries when it's talking about new shoes, but there's also another alien suit, it's in his head that talks about a man who's not being dutiful to his wife and given her her rights, but it doesn't talk about but if he obeys her, it's inescapable. And that's why it's better off for us to come to terms with this as soon as possible because it's inescapable you can't I'm not the problem will lie use of sushi is not the issue use of sushi is not your enemy. I'm telling you just the very basic and the very obvious that I wish others
would also tell you so I'm not viewed as the fringe and weird Imam if you will, does this fall under this what you talk about this a mainstream the domains we touch upon the mainstream discourse? And then the you talk about the pandering now? Is it because you you have a is the path of least resistance. And now here you'll get more followers possibly. You won't come under certain scrutiny if you're a person in a position less any mom and now you have your congregants you have a board. And from here you can get a lot of heat. Like you just gave an example someone was given a hookah, he talked about his job and now you had the sister come up and start to you know, really throw a big
fuss about it. Do you think this holds back a lot of dua scholars, imams in the masjid masajid to talk about some of these very important issues that you're talking about? Very much so very much so very much. So without a doubt. Has anyone admitted this to you see, you see, no one is going to come to you see, it is an utter impossibility. It's just not fashionable for the fathomable for someone to come to you and say, I'm afraid to talk about this. I just don't see someone saying that. Yeah. Or I'm afraid of losing followers or I'm afraid of being canceled. Come on. Just No, I don't think anybody's gonna say that. And guess what? I really believe that. Some do believe, right that I'm
doing it out of wisdom, wisdom, and I'm trying to strategize. Okay, some do believe that but I've had some said look, they say, look,
use of look, I want to speak about it, but I can lose my position. I'm going to get a lot of pushback. Has anyone see I haven't met someone like that. What I usually get is, you know, share
You know what? We're just trying to strategize. We're trying to be very delicate with this. And hey, you know what, I agree with you. I wish I wish I had your patience. I wish I could, you know, try to strategize. But I feel like we're at a point right now that he, Eddie, I don't feel we have the luxury to strategize. Things have gotten so out of control. You know, when you're desperate, when you're desperate and you're on your time is ticking. You do whatever you can just to basically get that that that liquid that spilled or the box that spilled, you try to put it back together. I believe we're at that stage right now, where we're so desperate, and we don't have the luxury to
talk more about strategy than we do about action.
Right. But to say that I'm also I will say this, it's hard to x that out.
Right? I'm not I don't feel comfortable. I don't have the guts within me to start digging into the hearts of people, right? Because Islam taught taught us not to, but I will say I can confidently say that I'm not going to x those factors out. Because we as Imams, Muslim speakers, scholars and so forth. We know what's going to get likes, we know what's going to get us a criticism, we know what's going to get his cancelled, we know what's going to get us invited at the next event. We know what's going to open up the doors. We know what's going to get his brownie points. We know all this before we tweet or type anything. We know the result that we're gonna get. Right. But it's the selective
the cherry picking in the selectiveness. That's that's hurting the ones we're trying to help the most women when you watch this popular program that's out there from the coyotes tribe.
Yeah. I mean, you have a lot of even sisters who liked this program, right? But isn't a lot of the stuff you're talking about. If you watch this, you kind of see people playing their roles. Yeah. You know, it's very funny that you say that? Because, yes, yes. And here's the thing. There's some harmony there take time. I mean, you look at I mean, you look at whether it's sort of dull or bumpy Bay, or whoever these characters are, when their wives talk to them. I mean, you kind of see that great honor. Right? And she just kind of, you know, look, if you can't do that with her, I'm not saying you have to that's between you and your husband, I frankly don't don't care. It's none of my
business. But when you look at the way women are addressed in the way women are, in that masculinity in the men, you notice a drastic, radical difference between how the women are right, and how they treat their husbands how they speak with their husbands how they address the great honor that they have for their husbands. Right? It's not that they're being loud and disrespectful and talking back and who are you and I'm gonna leave anyways. And I really don't need you. It's not like you're doing you know, much for me anyways. I mean, look, I'm the one who gets the complaints. I can leave anytime I want to I really don't need you. I'm educated. I can do it on my own. When when when men,
these are some of the statements. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Well, Allah, Allah is my witness. I'm the one who gets this. And maybe this is why I'm passionate, and I'm talking about the seat of God, there is nothing in it for use of Susi. I'm not on men on the side of men. And I'm definitely not on the side of women. I'm on the side of the hook.
There's nothing absolutely nothing in this. For me. It's just these are problems that I'm seeing that have to be addressed. And we have to renormalize this, this has to become the new norm in Islamic discourse. There's one scene and you'll see was a target, target or Target, Target, Target. And his wife is given him advice. And she's really adamant about how she wants things. And if I remember correctly, to play out, he's listened listening. And then he's like, at the end, he says enough. And he puts it, he's firm in the matter. And he makes his decision. And from there, she just steps back. She accepts that. And then he starts to really open up even more, and he starts to
praise her, you know how much she loves her and whatnot. But she didn't keep going back and forth. She was talking, talking that at the end, he was like he made his decision. She accepted it. He heard her out. But she pulled back. She knew the limit, right? And she expected that role that God Almighty Allah had given the man and then it turned out that he even that love for her increased. See, here's the thing.
As I don't know where to start, really because there's so much to say.
Men, as men as he Edie were very basic creatures. We're not complicated as women are. And that's not meant to be an insult. This is the way Allah subhanho wa Taala created us, right? And the reason why I'm bringing this is because for example, take sort of to note, sorta to note on that, I believe it's the first page when Allah is instructing the men to lower their gaze, right? He says, we'll call him What meaning I called them and I'm sorry my father flowjo, delicate as Kerala home and Allah hubiera beam is known in that page. There is I think it's one and a half sentence. One two sentences give or take, right? That talk to instruct men tell the believing men to lower from their
and to protect their private parts. That's it. The remainder of the page, do you know how many lines we're talking about? A good 10 lines have to do with women. It talks about their Xena, who they could beautify themselves in front of their humanoid and so on and so forth. So it's not me who's saying this, men are very easy creatures. We're very, we're very simple and basic. Women are very, very complicated. And no one should have a problem with that. This is just how Allah subhanho wa Taala in his infinite wisdom created us to be right. And that's why this society is teaching a lot of our women don't let anybody tell you what to do. You're amazing the way you are. And I know I've
said this before, but when you when you live according to that style, it's gonna be very hard for you to get married and accept the fact that as you said earlier, your husband doesn't want you out at a certain time of night. Maybe he doesn't want certain friends over the house. Maybe he believes that this friend is not really having a good influence on you. That's his right let's stop right there. Because your place is that his right where he says if he sees like a friend of the husband sees that this friend is not someone who he wants his wife to hang out with. Because he feels that this is detrimental to her Deen to her well being to their family. And even though she has an
affinity towards his friend does in the obedience to Allah. Now being her husband, does he have a right to say cut this friend off? Of course I mean, sola and again some example now now we're getting down to you know, some of the Sure, yes, yeah, that's fair. That's it that's across all four methods. This is very, very basic across someone can say no, not according to my method. No, that's that's five and model is to obey Him in that which is reasonable and in that which is truth, right? If he on if he notices his wife is drifting away, her hijab is changing. Her attitude is changing. She's becoming a little bit rude. She's becoming disrespectful. She's not appreciating what he's,
she's overall changing. A lot of times it takes one friend to corrupt. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. No, that's, of course, that's his right. I mean, he is going to be respected. That's another thing. I think that is not being conveyed enough I believe on our pulpits is that we men are the ones who are going to be asked about our womenfolk on Judgement Day, and it is not the opposite way around. So how does someone go ahead and check this? Because someone might be like, pointing the target at you and getting upset with us? Or, and how can someone if they have to check their relationship with with Allah with the dean with, you know, if someone has an objection to this, you remember what I
said earlier, when I said if a woman is she has, it has to be in her peripheral in her radar, that my husband can be my way to hell by disobeying Him and being ungrateful to him, but he can also be my first way ticket to heaven. I think that peripheral I know a lot of your viewers are probably not going to be too fond of this. But this is, again, I want to remind everyone, this is how this has always been very basic Islam. Right. And so if that is not in our radar, everything else is going to become more difficult. And that's why I believe it starts with that it starts like, Okay, this is not just any man, this is not my friend at work. This is not my colleague, this is my husband.
Right? And that is why it is like, like the Sahaba told the Allahu Ana, she says, we're in the Eco Holika fulfill Islam. She knew she knew that she could not be dutiful to her husband, because there that compatibility was not there. So she said, O Messenger of Allah, I want to separate from him. Yeah, because she was afraid of not giving him his rights, that that and again, not that I'm supporting divorce here, or I'm advocating it, then oh, just move on. But you're probably going to be better living alone, worshiping Allah than being married to a man and you're not giving him his rights, and you're disrespecting him and trampling in walking all over him. That's going to come
with consequences. Right? Can I just finish maybe one more point? If you allow me, if you look at the page right before the last page of sort of Baja, right. It says that for what's what's the Illa his shape on Palaia Adam, right. How do look, Allah says artsyl holdover Mullikin Diabla shaytaan first comes to Adam, not to both of them, he comes to Adam and he whispers to him and he says, Shall I not guide you to an eternal tree and in eternal Kingdom, and then Allah subhana wa Tada speaks in the dual the, to the LLM in Hatha diploma, so a tumor, so they both ate from it, right. And their private parts were disclosed, right? And then they started to look for leaves in the agenda to try
to cover their private parts, right? And then after that, Allah says wasa Adam, what a bow fella and Adam disobeyed his Lord, and he went the straight. Now look how when the who came to who Shavon came to Adam, when the the leader of the pack the leader of the House, he comes to Adam and speaks to him directly not to both of them. He doesn't pull out on the site he speaks to, but when it comes to the act of disobedience, Allah speaks in the Muthana the both the two of them right for Flm in alphabetical ah
So to whom I write in Arabic, you'll notice the speaking of two of them. But then when it comes to the responsibility in the admonition,
you find Adam Alehissalaam. Alone, while saw Adam, in Adam disobeyed his Lord, and he went the straight. Now who disobeyed Allah? Was it just Adam? Or was it both of them?
Both of them, right, because they both ate from the tree. But Allah subhanahu Attallah is singling out Adam Alayhis Salam here specifically in this area, because he is the man of the house, he is the leader. He's the one responsible. So I just want to remind every sister out here, it's not your husband's job to sit there and admire you from afar. And for you to do whatever it is you please however it is you please. I know this is not going to sit well with some of them. But a man, it's his right. It's his very basic right in Islam, to make sure that you're dressed appropriately, that you're befriend and good people that you're not out in the middle of the night, even if you're doing
something good, because, again, he's afraid of you. All of these have always been basic. This is basic stuff. They look into the books of Islam, this is all Yes, yes. Well, no. And that's why I like going taking a math class at a university or in elementary school. This is like, you know, math one on one English one on one. It's always been that way. Okay? It's but it's again, you're not saying nothing? No, no, no, it's not. Like I said, if I said this 20 years ago, I probably wouldn't even have a need to say her, because it was just it was acknowledged. But again, don't forget it. When you grow up. And you really have the idea that no one tells you what to do. It becomes very,
very difficult for you to get under the roof with a man who's probably going to want to tweak a few things. Yeah. Right. I mean, it's only natural that you don't want your wife going out in the middle of the night. You know, when it's dark, or, you know, to be in an empty parking lot by yourself. Yeah, that's natural. What is what is? What is so controversial about that? Yeah, yeah, it's, I don't get it, it's hard to see how we came this far you have someone, someone who was talking about a cold, a couple who's been together for almost 4050 years, whatever the case, and, and the wife is,
with her husband, and everything that the husband is the wife when she's asked something by their children, so I gotta check with your father. You know, I gotta check with your father. She's like, you know, showing that respect that, you know, she's consulting with him. She's not just on her own, kind of a renegade thing. You know, it just touched the person who's watching how there's this respect. And then obviously, he's, you know, very kind to his wife. And this goes back to a guest I had on a program. I think every mom, I've said this before, every mom should have this as a part of basic reading material, and then it should recommend his book is called empowered wife by Laura
Dorsett, you sent it to me, I haven't read it yet. It's a very powerful book, because it's by a Christian woman. She's also someone who is at the verge of divorced. And she went to traditional marriage counseling and as a failure and as something that really, she advised people to stay far away from because it just a milking cow from your money. But then she went to people to see how they kept their marriages who are in marriages for 3040 plus years. Sure. She went to the experts, because how did they keep it together for so long, and she found that, and this by implementing this what she found, it saved her marriage, she found that men needed that respect. And it wasn't the
respect. Like if he deserves it or not, it was just like, they just need respect. It's like oxygen. And when he would get that respect, he would give her all of that low separate gates, he would reciprocate with so much more. And she found also that there was a lot of different in her book, you open up the opening chapter, and she said, she lists a bunch of myths, like, you know, how marriage is 5050. And I'm just recollecting some of the things that sure that it's like a true and false she goes, No women are the leaders in the sense of if they want peace, they'll be peace. Because a woman's unbelievable, you're not going to please, right men are simple creatures. They don't want
war. They don't want to fight usually, typically, that's how, and a lot of things that go with our deen with Islam. So this is something that is called the sir it's called empowered wife by Laura Doyle. And supposedly she has helped over 150,000 couples save their relationship. Their marriages. Yeah, see if I could if I could just mention something. I think what we're overly concerned about is hurting the feelings of others. Okay, now, do we want to hurt others? The feelings of others? We don't. But I think we have to also acknowledge that sometimes, in the process of conveying a truth there in the process, your feelings might be hurt.
So I want you to understand, dear viewer or Dear brother or sister that hurting your feelings is not an objective. It's not an end. But sometimes to get to the truth. Your feelings might get hurt. Yeah. And especially seeing how far we've swung. I think it's only natural, right? We should somewhat expect that that's going to happen because there's
So much layers of layers of layers of deception of lies of silence and silence on our part as Muslim speakers. Yes. Silence these things and it just gets padded padded up, you got to just like its layers, you got to take all these compounds off the compounded layers. Yes. Now you gotta get to it. What's the definition? Would you say have a good man? Well lay a good man is a man who's good.
Being sarcastic? No.
A good man is we're talking about Islam, right? Yeah, a good man, basically, who's going to assume his responsibilities? Right? A man who's going to be mature, a man who's going to be confident, a man who's going to have a sense of direction, a man who knows what he's doing. He has a vision. He's not a follower. Right. And that's something that a lot of women they resent when they see a man who doesn't have a sense of direction. And he's kind of just a follower. Right? Of course. I mean, there's so many things to list of course, I mean, I think it's a giver. When we talk about fasting, you know, the month of Ramadan and praying, these are basic pillars. Yeah, these are basics, you
know, someone who's not too I mean, a lot of people are probably not gonna like this. But I really urge the younger generation of brothers to stay off of these video games. Right? We're not talking about halal or haram here, but we're just talking about your wife honoring you and respecting you as the man as you wish to be respected. I would definitely urge a lot of our younger brothers to get us off of the video games for sure. Tell me this. Why why do you feel now? Are you seeing more and more men going overseas going to get married? You know, not staying here, but abroad? Are you seeing an influx in this? Yes, yes. You know, you are i Yes. Why is the big time big time. There's again,
there's not a community I wrote a wrote a tweet a while back. And so you're really if they want to find you they find on Twitter, how you're really into tweeting, I mean, I Well, I'm I'm on Twitter and Facebook as well. I've gotten myself in trouble. Twitter,
upset a project. Okay. ta BSIRA. And then project PR o j AECT. So all the positive comments, and even some of the probably a few may be, you know, negative ones who you know, I'm sure most people agree with what we're saying. But you know, for the small fringe element, they can send you those. Oh, yeah, I welcome criticism, no one's above criticism, right. As long as it's constructive criticism, and it's true. I have no problem. But there's nothing special about us. Yeah, the truth transcends us this is, look, I don't care what you got going on in your life. There's nothing special about us.
Nothing. Alright. So going back to your, your question, you said, are you seeing men going? Yeah, I wrote a tweet. Yeah, sorry. Okay. So I wrote a tweet a while back, and it was completely misunderstood. But I can honestly understand how it was misunderstood. Where I said in it, that as women pursue their degrees in the West, men are pursuing wives in the East.
And that's, that's a reality. That's an observation. There's not a community, again, that I visited, only that many young males would come to me and say shall use, I'm not gonna lie. That tweet is fact will lie. It is how I went, I searched here for 234 years, I could not first find a woman who is willing to stay at home to she wanted to pursue her career. And she I can't keep waiting. Right. And this is, I think, what a lot of our sisters are not understanding, they took this tweet, and it spiraled out of control thinking that she'll use associate as against educated women. No, there's a reality that's happening here is that when you're in your early 20s, and you have suitors coming
your way, and you shun them, and you turn them away, because you want to prefer your your, your, I mean, do you if you want to do that, I mean, bear the consequences, right? This young man now, he's not going to wait until 25 or 26, until the sister graduates with her bachelor's and then masters when she's done with her college education, that young man, it most likely is already married. Now, with two or three kids. That man is not going to wait for her to for her to finish her degree. And now you find that even in the 30s, and the numbers gradually keep increasing, right? And they're regretting it. A lot of women I saw a tweet just two days ago, where a woman she she's regretful she
says, I will lie, if verbatim, she says I am depressed. I'm in my 30s right now. Okay. And I've had proposals. I've had suitors come my way in my mid 20s, early 20s and mid 20s. And I had to pass them up because of my education. But she says, but now I can't find find anybody to marry me. And I believe it was her father who said, If you want to get married the age at your age, at your EDD men at your age, are looking for women in their early 20s. Then they have some of the they had the biggest studies that were done like from the 70s up until not too long ago where they did studies on this exactly what you're talking about women who went and pursued these careers and they went away
from doing you know
Don't getting married at a young age and having a family and then the they end up regretting it. Big time they end up falling falling into this depression of course and regret deep regret and then all they have right now is they look up and they see all these certificates but at the end they're alone. Yeah and Allah so the way Allah created us I mean, the word even in Arabic the word insan kill and uh huh, okay, that was to cut millet, the animals minute, the enosis to be social or to be you know, there's nothing, there is nothing that is going to replace companionship. Now I know some of your viewers might be thinking, Oh, I got married and it was held? Well, that's again, that's an
exception. And let us also ask ourselves, was it because of you?
Are you sure it wasn't you? Are you sure you weren't the problem? Right? Because a lot of women you make it? Hell? Hmm. Did you? That's a possibility. Yeah. All right. And I think we have to be real with ourselves, right? And being real requires that we have a sense of maturity and humility to look at ourselves in the mirror and say, You know what, maybe I was the problem. Right? So going back to what you were saying,
We're Allah creators to be interdependent on one another, not to be independent of one another. We aren't we count on each other. And there's nothing that is going to replace companionship, that joy of having a husband of having a wife of having the kids of going that that companionship is you cannot substitute it. It's invaluable. Right. And I think a lot of people are being told that no, what's important for you, oh, dear woman is for you to focus on your career is for you to gain more education is to get more certificates, and the list goes on and on? Well, when you do that, at the expense of delaying marriage, you're passing up a lot of good men, and you have a biological clock
that's ticking. And that's of course, decreasing in age as well. Right? Studies have ever recently shown that yeah, there's
exempt examples just in some of our elders, if you look at some of your grandparents, I mean, if you ask them, right, you didn't, you didn't hear a lot of these cliches, these mantras nowadays, I want my independence, I don't want to be dependent on him or anybody. And then they weren't saying stuff like this, where they, you know, Edie?
That whole word the, that I'm an independent woman, it's, it's very tricky. Because what women have you as as a positive what they view as an asset, we men are looking at as a liability. Now, of course, you can easily just dismiss this and say, Oh, that's because you guys are just intimidated, of, you know, by strong independent women know, when you say that I'm an independent woman in your parade and that on all your handles and all your videos and all your whatever it is that you're doing, right, because you're doing you when you parade that, you know, what you're sending, the message was sent in to men is, hey, I really don't need you. But if you want to come on board, then
great, but I really don't need you. And see, this is where the ball drops. Yeah, because we as human beings, and especially men, we want to feel needed, we want to feel appreciated. Now a woman might come in interject and say, but we want to feel appreciated to hey, I agree with you. But we men are not the one saying that we are independent. We don't need women, we can do it on our own. We're not the one saying that. It's you women who are saying it. We're not saying that. So I believe that it's not attractive when a man sees that. And when a man sees independent woman, it's sure do intimidated men, insecure men exist out there. Yes. But for a lot of men, I would argue it's not that they're
intimidated. They don't want to put up with the baggage that comes along with all that. And again, this is what no one is speaking of. Can this be just for our for our dear sisters out there? And even men who have fault would you say victim can can many of the people out there sisters, men more so on the sister side have just without even noticing. And then they start mimicking certain people and they start repeating certain phrases. Can they have just, you know, out even knowing it, and they're watching this first first time and be like, Man, I've fallen victim to this, I've without even knowing it. And because you think this is the norm now this is how it should be. See, that's
the other thing too. The truth comes with a price. And no one else is telling me otherwise. But that's the problem. That's why you keep sinking deeper and deeper and deeper. And it becomes see, the more we delay, because we're strategizing and we're trying to use wisdom. The more we delay, the more it becomes difficult for us to bring those who are already drowning, it becomes more and more difficult, right? Because they're sinking more and more in more and more. And I'm just saying, hey, look, I'm doing what I can. I'm doing what I can with whatever I can, right. And you're going to have people of course who are going to shun shun you and there are people who are going to say,
well, let's just take a look. I just want to give you a quick story, not more than a minute. I was recently in Ohio, and I was speaking to a group of young men and women in the ages of 12 to 20. And so I got this note it wasn't a question it was during the q&a session after my talk.
and a sister wrote Sheikh Yusuf JazakAllah here for speaking the truth like it is. This is a sister now. Yes, yeah, yes. The point I'm trying to make is we have to stop acting as though the world revolves around those who always have a fit with what you said, it's never good enough. The ingredients are never actively completely all there together. Well, it's the way you said it. And I don't like your body language. And what's the nuance in your voice if you said it different. In other words, they always have a problem. But they never check perhaps that maybe their ego was a little bit too big, maybe three, they don't have a penetrative or ego, maybe they've been the
problem all along without realizing it. But that really, really brought me to my knees when I saw that, because I felt as if it was a way of Allah reinforcing me through her. And it was a way of Allah subhanho wa Taala reinforcing her through me, because you, you start to think that maybe this is not the right way to go about it. And I think that's healthy, healthy to have these conversations. But when she sent that and she said, Thank you, I thought to myself, Subhan Allah, to she not to be remiss, she not to be reminded that she not need a voice to tell her sister, you're doing the right thing. Keep it up. Why are we always focused about well, they might not come back,
why are we focused on the maybe not, and we completely do away with the what's already in the door. You're telling me they don't need a confirmation. They don't need to be solidified. They don't have hearts of steel, they need to be reminded as well that hey, you guys are on the hook with butuh you guys are doing a great job. Keep doing what you're doing. I think I think they need a voice to do you think that nowadays on the pulpits and in the lectures that people are getting a not a holistic view without how the Prophet saw some and their selective Hadith and selected parts of his life are just being shown. And people are not getting the whole picture. Big time. Yeah, absolutely. You're
saying absolutely. Absolutely. Like in all capital letters. Okay. So you have a lot of dewasa you and Scott and they're like who are watching right now, they're, they want to know what what are these things? We're not saying? Yeah, surely now they can also when you when you hear when you hear when you hear an imam or hilltop and speakers talking about the prophets, Allah says, What do you usually hear? Oh, the Prophet sallallahu sallam, how he was amazing to his wives. If we really went back to the Sierra, we're going to find a lot of places where the Prophet sallallahu wasallam was stern. And he told his wives not to do certain things, right. And this is normal again, of a men.
But what we usually hear on the men but is either how the Prophet SAW said him was an amazing husband. Right? Which again, I don't have qualms with that. But when are we going to start speaking about how amazing his wives were? Is there just not time for that? Is that invalid? Is that not? That's very important? Yeah. Very. And this is what I'm talking about when they were Yeah. How were they with Him? Or were they a woman of Taqwa how they fear the law, how much feminine, feminine they were, they were comfortable in their femininity. They were comfortable in wearing the hijab. They weren't bickering about the obligation of the hijab. They weren't you know, having a problem with
being mothers with staying at home with doing right. How did that how did that woman when she came to the province us on this authentic hadith corridor, and I'm just paraphrasing Hadith, and she came to talk to the province of Assam. And then he told her, he said, How's your relationship with your husband? Be careful, because he's your gender? Your Johanna? Yeah.
You summed it up. But see, because she stopped arguing with him. No, no, she didn't say that. Right. She?
She's sorry. When he told her that that he started debate. No, you didn't have this. He said fondo de Aina and timmendorfer and NEMAHA Natsuki. I'm gonna rock right. In this this goes with the idea of can you have you have you seen like,
yet today to have, let's say, and again, we qualified with a good Muslim husband, he's praying five times a day his fear of Allah, he's, you know, what? He's not, you know, uppercut, and no,
no, no one is suggesting this. He's not cursing at her calling her bad names, I don't know. Let's say, you know, he's fulfilling all these things, maintaining and protecting. And then he goes to the mom, they have some issue. And the mom, you know, to other to say this hadith, you think that's something you can find them nowadays that he'll say this hadith to the to the woman who came in to complain about her husband? It's too difficult. I mean, of course, you always want to be, you know, you want to have some humility to always leave that little leg room in there, even if it's 1%. But is it like wisdom with wisdom? See, here's the thing, a lot of those who are talking about to do it
with wisdom, are actually not on the field doing it.
So I find it very, I find it to be somewhat misleading, to say, we'll do it with wisdom, or, Hey, you're not doing that at all. If you can do it with wisdom, I'll follow your approach. If your approach is truly the work and way in the model to follow, I would love to follow in your lead. But when you sit there from afar, and you're critiquing me, and you're telling me show us if this is not how it's done, you have to use wisdom. Well, first off, what's the definition of wisdom? So how would you put this How would you put the right thing in the right
Please have the right time. That's wisdom. So how would you advise the the Muslim marriage counselor comes in to implement this hadith which is never in a marriage counseling implemented? Yeah, that's what we should we should implement Quran and Hadith because the one brother was complaining say, man, you know, they were going to this very well known Muslim counselor and, you know, paying for it and he's recommending books, not books or Dean but some woman out there, you know, who's cracking jokes and, you know, in her book that has like, nothing to do with that's not Quran and Sunnah. It's like something way out there and no one and none of these Hadith or anything were brought up at all
towards he wants to be corrected. He's wrong. Also show me from the Quran and the Sunnah, where I am doing something wrong here. I want to I want to know, and then but I want you also to tell her to show her the Hadith short letter come from you, also. And none of that. Yeah. And again, this goes back to the great great disequilibrium, if you will, that exists that no, we can be tough on men. But no, no women are completely off the table. We can see anything about that when it comes to women. Right? And that's why I asked you earlier, right? If I if I may open up quickly a bracket when we're talking about psychologists, when we're talking about Muslim counselors, my advice to
them is make sure you guys have you guys are grounded in the basics of Islam. Because a lot of these theories that they're studying, they're literally taken from liberalism, secularism, post modernism. So it's a lot of these theories, right? Although we have the very basic ingredients in the Quran was una mejor Nina and had that but that we, we shouldn't even have to look for other books and self help books and so on and so forth. Yes, you can find certain benefits in them. But don't forget, at the end of the day, a lot of these theories remarries series, it's not science. It's a theory it might work and it might not work. Right. So so you're you're trying to be all sophisticated and
stuff and you're studying all these things. And you're giving people the advice from what you're saying that's coming from liberalism, from where else is this stuff coming in? So for example, right? When you have when you have when you remember earlier, when we talked about It's a man's job, right? You might find these are coming from atheists, these are coming from people, you know, there might be some good there something you can choose, but a lot of it is. Yeah, like, for example, a man in Islam, it's his job to know where his wife is, who she's befriend and what she's doing. It's not that he has tabs on her all the time. But I mean, it's so I think it's only natural that any man
would want to know where his wife is yes, at all times. At all times. Of course, we're not talking about Call me when you go here. We're not we're not talking about the minut details, the minutiae, if you will, we're talking about just overall in general, right? So you go to this therapist, or you go to this person, and nobody should tell you, no, no one should have a say on where you go and what you do. That's what they're gonna say, it's your own autonomy. It's your own agency, right? You're free to do whatever you want, whenever you want. And so that's why well, not really, because I'm going to be asked about her on Judgement Day. I can't be held responsible and for her just to do
whatever she wants, however she wants whenever she wants, and I'm just going to sit there from afar and say, Oh, go queen, because very dangerous. Now then, of course, yeah, I'm putting myself on the line. I can't do that. Let's make it balance. Now something else because we talked about hellfire. And then we talked that we mentioned a woman let's let me let me give you another Hadith here. Because this is specifically for men now who who will enter the Hellfire because they won't be admitted to Jana. So let's keep it fair and balanced where this term here How would you define it? And I'm paraphrasing the Hadith where the prophet saw some said that the youth will not enter Genma
Is this correct? Yes. What is it the youth? Yeah, the day youth is basically taken from the word DSM. And some of their dilemma they say that the youth Allah the oral mancora Alpha hisher Taffy early while your ba your alpha he should have early he mean and that he's okay. Seeing his women folk engage in the fascia right if you will, that Zina or adultery or fornication if you will, with with other people and does nothing to him. But by extension, under that same umbrella is a man for example, who sees his wife dressed in a provocative way and it does nothing to him and he has no problem with it. Seeing his wife going around with random guys joking and giggling and they're
they're getting a little bit too intimate with one another too friendly. That's a form of death as well. extension to that. Yes, it all of it. Its color suit. Yes, yes. Yes, yes. A man as well that could fall under deatta. When his when he's doing these HIV tutorial videos and he's holding the camera for I mean, what is going on in your mind? When he's doing what when He's videotaping either his wife in the camera or with her in a video and She's all dolled up with makeup and the eyeliner and the lip gloss and stuff like that. This could easily fall under DFM or when your wife has a not doing fish lips with our fish lips. No I'm talking about the whole makeup the woman is supposed to
beautify little fish lips is still you know fish lips.
Do you mean duck lips?
I think they're neat. How about the duck? Yeah, no, that's called the duck pose. Or the I think maybe you guys in Chicago call it official of Minneapolis. We call it the another form of the EFA as well. And yes, by extension, also, it's an extension of it. Yes. It's a form of it. It's a manifestation of the ethic. When you see your woman, for example, she has a profile picture. And she's she's looking dazzling, right, the eyeliner, the eyelashes and the lips and the duck pose and you're okay with that. I fear for you in front of Allah, yomo Kiana upon Allah. And again, don't be don't be mad at me. But you should know better. You You're a man. And you know how men are men, it
is natural for them to lust after women. So when you have your wife's picture online, and you're okay with that, how do you sleep at night? How are you okay, knowing that any random Tom Dick or Harry is if you and your wife and lusted after her picture? What? 800 feet per second, and that does absolutely nothing to you as a man.
I think we might have to step up our game. Is that big talking qualifies to you? Yes, it's it's an extension of it. And it's under that umbrella. Yes, I'm gonna be very careful. That's under that umbrella. So if you you, you've been with your wife for over a decade. Sure. Let's say for example, she's still not wearing hijab example. It's your responsibility. Let's say you shut that advice. clock off. Shame connect qualified, you're not even reminding anymore, you know, you step back. You've just It's been over a decade now. You don't even say nothing you've you know, but you get upset if the food's not brought to you or on these other aspects when it suits for you. I've always
found that I found that I've always found that puzzle and that when it comes to certain aspects of the deen the husband just doesn't care he's lacks but when it comes to the food not ready or she walked in front of the World Cup and all of a sudden Hill he's ready to in front of the world. Yeah, the World Cup. Whatever NBA basketball Oh, yeah, you you walked right in front of you to Loyola.
Batum Nico, you know, all this nonsense, right? But no, that's true. What you said, See, as a man, it has to there has to you have to, there has to be this distaste in your mouth. When your wife is not obeying Allah, there has to be a distaste in your mouth. You have to show her that. Hey, I'm not comfortable with this. Right? As one woman she was walking outside. I want to share this with you because I think it's relevant.
A woman was walking outside. Right and she wasn't dressed appropriately. So the husband said where are you going like that? Right? And it was in Arabic right? And then he said you have to change to ABC. She said to him for in Nikka to hurry to hurry Johnny mm unless you're going to make it hard you're going to put me at unease in front of people right if you want me to change and not look at his dazzling for he turned around and told her for in Nikki Hakka will la hito Jota Giannetti mmm Allah, by what you're doing now, look into where you are. You're putting me at unease with Allah subhanaw taala. Right. And again, I think this is what we have to kind of renormalize and get back
in our peripheral or get back on our radar. Yeah, well, there's a lot to unpack here. Tell us so before we conclude, what are some of the other things that you've that you've seen out there? simple solutions. There's simple but it's become so complex now because the layers and layers and layers but if we just come back to our deen the Quran as soon as there if we know the purpose of life, we know our roles, everything is laid out. That's the beauty of Islam. Everything based on evidence, solid evidence is black and white. It's very straightforward and you're gonna get rewarded for it, but also you got to consequences. You got to Hellfires real paradise. You know what, what do you
love the most Do you want to be in Jannah, or you want to follow the custom in culture, the fashion and all this stuff. But sincerely, you got a lot of people fallen victim, they've fallen victim, they've been watching too much of the Hollywood, too much of the Instagram and Tiktok all this stuff. And it just that virus that I mentioned there, the malware comes is packaged nice and sweet. And now the poison the virus gets into the brain and this the sister and the brother and they're like, how do I get out of this? I love my Creator most first and foremost, I want to submit to Allah, I want to get out of this dilemma. Well, I I would, I don't want to say the bulk of the
maybe I can get away with that to say I don't think I'm being hyperbolic here to say that the the voices mainstream doubt in America has to change. And it has to change now before tomorrow and tomorrow before next week. Right? Because a lot of the voices what Muslims are hearing from one end, they're not hearing from another. And as I said earlier, it gives the perception that, oh, they're not on the same page. They might not disagree. This person is just extreme. See, that's one of the biggest messages that I find the biggest evils that this whole silence brigade creates is that the average Muslim looks at the person who's silent and from that silence. They understand that oh, they