Tips For Parents
Channel: The Deen Show
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This is the thing.
completely up to you. Thank you for tuning in to another episode of the deen show. This week we have with us again, Dr. Hatem, who is a PhD who's a doctor who's a Schick, who's an MD, pediatrician who deals with kids and we covered a show with him.
We did a part one to this, we're doing the sequel. Now you can go to his section to read a little bit more about him. He's given us some advice on the million dollar question How to Make sure your kids don't go astray. They've been given to you pure in original good goodness, not original sin. That child is born in a state of purity. How do you keep them away from all the bad things, evil things that are out there? It starts at an early age and these are the questions that we're going to be picking his brain about when we come back here on the Dean's show. We'll be right back.
This is the theme the theme
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Salam Alaikum peace. If you like me sounds like thank you very much for finding time to be with us here on the deen show. Thank you for inviting me I'm pleased to be here. Now people can go to your section they can read about you. You are also I didn't mention the the dean right of the Sharia Academy. Yes.
Look, you see the facial expression is made because you know what, there's a lot of not yet Muslims. A Muslim is one who's chosen you know Jesus obviously was a Muslim Moses was a Muslim there are some people like this this guy crazy. Muslim is obviously one who surrendered his will to the will of the Creator. But there's some people when they hear Sharia they say we don't want no Sharia over here. But what is you know they feel like this is the boogeyman is coming to get them so before we go on to our topic, what is Sharia mean?
Sharia as a way to survive on the way to success, Sharia is the path that God has shown us to,
to our prosperity in this life and the one to come. Sorry I used to mean in Arabic the past water bodies and in Islam, the way that Allah has shown us is called Sharia because as much as weather is important and essential for your physical well being the way of God is essential for your spiritual well being. And we're not only matter we are
a mixture of matter and something else which is the spiritual aspect of humanity that people
some people neglect or or wish
to forget about. One more one more this just just briefs not off topic but just just so someone's heart can be rest assured they heard Muslim we define Islam and Muslims surrendering to one God, the God of Abraham, Moses, Jesus peace be upon all and the last and fundamental problem of peace be upon them so they can rest assured now we define what Sharia is not the boogeyman. It's a way from the tour for success. And now about terrorism, Islamic terrorism, what do you got to say about this?
Well, they are you say Islam, they say terror they say you know what, all all terrorist not Muslim, but all Muslims seem to be doing terrorism. What do we have to say about this? Well, that is absolutely not true. I mean, if
you know a simple study of the history will show that this is completely false. And war has been started by various people at various times for various reasons. Islam,
the prophet of Islam Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu Sallam
says the US do not wish to confront your enemies, but if you do Be patient, so war is not the default or is to be avoided or maybe necessary sometimes because of the cause of God which is the cause of justice and fairness and to deliver the oppressed from their oppression and
And so on and so forth. And if you look at the earlier Muslims, when they engaged in war, it was all about us it was not all, it was never about
any feelings of supremacy, ethnic or otherwise, because Islam in you know, if you look at the history,
for instance, the Turks were not Arabs, the Turks are not Arabs, Turks were not Muslims. And for Europeans, particularly they remember the Turkish conquests and this and that, well, the Turks were not Muslim, but then when the conquer the Muslim land, Islam conquer their hearts, so they became Muslims. And it was never a matter of, you know, ethnic supremacy, the this struggle against the evil as a struggle that begins from within the first one that you need to struggle against is yourself.
but is not limited to that it is not limited struggling against yourself, Islam also teaches us that you want to struggle against evil,
within and without outside as well. So the struggle against evil does not mean does not necessarily mean war does not necessarily mean violence, the struggle against the evil is to take all
is to try all other alternatives first, before the surgical alternative that is to be avoided, that is to be deferred,
that no one wishes for.
And the way of the Prophet peace be upon him as is actually a testimony on on all of those facts. And the entire history justifies just this, to this very fact, after this, that in Islam, war, has ethics that are matchless before you know the Geneva Convention and before everything, the warrior 16 Islam, the commander of the Prophet peace be upon him to not kill a child,
elderly person, a woman, and even the Prophet peace be upon him as ads in a sound narration to not kill us if receive means the non combatants member of the army. So that will apply to physicians, you know, joining us, and so on and so forth. So it goes as you know, as far as this, you know, the premises went this far and preceding those geneva conventions, the
instructors that not only that we don't have to get women and children, elderly, but we don't have even killed the lunken baton members of the army of the of the enemy. If they were not combatant
activists, the Muslims for you know, honor, their confidence and the don't do treachery and the they don't betray, and they always honorable covenant. So when Muslims are given security, somewhere, they do not
betray the covenant with those who gave them the security. So now people are getting a different picture. That's not our topic. We just wanted to not get listens, to get a better understanding. So now they can be open for the advice that we give. So tell us, we talked about children. And this is our future, the future oma, is those kids coming up? And in the previous show, you can go back to the deen show calm and you can see part one that we did with Dr. Horton chef, about the million dollar question, how to raise the children and prevent them from going astray. We talked about the early years, mercy, making sure that children aren't
in pain that they're being fed that all their needs are being met. And now we went from to end up talking about the timeout method and some practical examples. So when we come back, we're going to continue this here on the deen show. Don't go nowhere.
I don't say to people I used to be a Christian, I still carry the values and principles of loving Jesus Christ and perhaps maybe more than most Christians. So I think I got the best out of Christianity by becoming Muslim.
So one of the things that you can enjoy without taking a sip of alcohol, this is the same thing. It's not an obstacle. It's not something that causes people to get completely desperate and start stopping living their lives. No, it should be a motivation. It's only one life that you're going to be living so you better do it for the last channel without it.
I am not afraid.
I'm not afraid
I'm not afraid.
I'm not afraid.
I'm not afraid.
Back here with check, Dr. Horton. So tell us now, we left off from the last show. At the age now we're about somewhere, you know, going up three cents worth. So we went from the timeout method, how to discipline them. Before we go on to seven what you just said, just just a few more examples. So is it safe to say that the child, you can't just let him be doing whatever he wants? There's got to be some guidelines, right? And you gave some practical examples, the timeout method, and how you talk to them. We want to also ask you now and if you can elaborate on what I just said about foul language from the parents cursing, bad behavior.
Do the children pick up on all these things? And then can this be counter effective if you're not getting yourself together, but you expect a child now to be Mr. prince or princess?
Well, first of all, you know, cursing and calling people names.
And certainly counter Islam the Prophet peace be upon him says latest laser Muslim, Mr. bevier. Allah, Allah will be a Muslim is not one who curses is not one who calls names, and is not one who is obscene. That's our teachings. That is what the prophet said that Muslim cannot be you cannot the tone you use to praise the Creator. You can't curse with that. Absolutely. Oh, absolutely.
And there's no going back to the issue of contradiction. That's the worst thing that's the worst quality that person has is contradiction. You know, the worst kind of people that are mentioned in the Quran are the hypocrites, and the hypocrites. Their problem is contradiction. You know, actions and sayings, the what is inside and what is outside exterior and the interior once they have contradictions,
you really compromise your integrity, you really compromise your credibility in the sight of your child. And keep in mind, the kids are not dumb. Yeah, they actually can can read through the lines, and they can actually see deep into you. And they can actually pick up the clues that you're really not consistent. And persistent. You got to be consistent. Yeah, you absolutely need to be consistent. Yeah. And what about now the because this starts off early to, if you're watching daytime, nighttime drama on the TV, this boob tube that's out there, what do you got to say about this
has also been not consistent in your raising of a child because
you know, when people talk about this is okay for them and this is not okay for children. I think that message is really not making a lot of sense to the children. So you gotta be 18 to you know, like, here in America I don't think that for Muslims that issue is such a prevalent problem but you know, you can buy alcohol until you're this and you can watch this on TV or that and you can gamble until you're like the artist many years old he 13 But yeah, so the toggle would say you know, so So what happened to me overnight, you know, like yesterday it was heroin and today it's hot or yesterday is impermissible today it's permissible. What
happened to be consistent? Absolutely. So we Muslims should not be doing this. You know, you should not be telling them that there is this is good for adults not good for kids or this. It's okay for me to do that. It's okay for me to be obscene. It's okay for me to call names or curse. It's okay to me for me to be vulgar to be referred to be this or that that is not okay for you. Why I mean if it is okay, it's okay for both of us and if it is not okay, it's not okay for both of us.
So that is one thing that people really need to understand in order for them to be effective preachers in reaching out to their kids. Are these kids picking up if you're if you're having like this music playing on the TV, you know, the different Jerry Springer shows Montel Willie, all the crazy things that are on the TV, and now just the kid the kids in front of TV and now you got some peace you feel like you know what? He's quiet now just let them be. But is this some programming going on profanity, promiscuity, and now years past? Is this going to have an influence? Should this be in the Muslims house or away from the Muslims house? That's an excellent point because
By by h2, you can make phrases and sentences. And by age five, you will have actually developed the majority of your language. So between two to five, in terms of language development, that area is very, very sensitive. So, see what it is that you are, because there is input here the input is coming from the parents coming from the TV, it's and don't expect to that the input will be one thing and the output will be a different thing, you know, the input every input into the child will be
you know, manifested by the jaw thereafter. So, if the child is is using profanity or is his language is foul, when her language is foul, then you want to ask yourself, where did this come from, you know, it came from what I allowed the child to be exposed to, and what and part of that is, you know, my own language. So you have to be careful with your own language, if you teach the child this early on where it's like, inshallah, God willing, and 100 Allah Praise be to Allah, and they go into his language, the you know, and the the develop with him, they will not only be part of the language, but they also be part of the
makeup, the emotional and psychological makeup of the child, the word has great power, Praise be to Allah.
And if your child sees that you say, and Hamdulillah, even when you're in pain, even when you have suffered some loss, that that's a great lesson without giving any lectures without having any microphone. And given any lectures, it's a great lesson, because the child will then understand that, you know, we can even be content even during hard hard times, and we recognize them as bounties and favors on us. Because there
unlimited, the, you know, you can count them. So even if I lost this particular thing that you know, that matters to me, there is so much that I have. So now with the TV, what I like to do now, I mean, if we do watch something is a good to I like the TV, piece TV, there's some Islamic channels out there, is this Okay, now at the children along with possibly What can you start reading to them at a young age? You know, so what are the things that you could implement as far as like knowledge going on from 2345 and up before they go to? Because I guess the first school is the homeschool, you know? So before they do anything else, making sure like the bad things aren't coming in. So what can you
cut off? And then to replace it? What can you replace it with good things.
I think that there should be some controlled exposure, I think that
there should be exposure to sort of like,
give them samples of of life outside, but nothing bad. But again, at the same time, who that VPC V, the V, Joe, etc. All that is great and good. But there could be also some programs on Discovery Channel, for instance, that you can deem appropriate. I think that you need to pre screen screenings report, I think, yeah, because you do not want your child to be exposed to something completely, you know, cuz you got all sorts of merchant you got thongs, I mean, this is the real world, you know, it's like soft porn, and just the, you know, average commercials that there is there's too much exploitation of women. Yeah. Which is quiet. That's the real subjugation of women. It should be
Yeah, it would be it would be quite hurtful to determine that they're being used, you know, for attraction to grab attention. Yeah. When the female body is being used as a commodity, to grab people's attention, even if you're advertising for a tractor. What does the tractor have to do with a beautiful woman? Yeah, but it's just like trying to grab people's attention. And I don't want my child to be exposed to this and I don't want this
this emphasis on
you know, over emphasis on on sex to be delivered to my child this early on. So that's the pre screening. We'll come back here. In addition with some more after this break, don't go nowhere.
Do not kill a woman. Do not kill a child do not
know going to different religious leaders, and Islam Hinduism, forms of Christianity. I even ran into people from the Nation of Islam. Man, do not kill an animal. Do not cut a tree down. Do not pollute the water. Do not burn their homes.
back here with Dr. Horton, PhD MD, giving us some great advice here on the deen show. And we only have a few more minutes. So we want to, again, we're going to have to have you back and just continue this series continues our series God willing. So tell us more, a few more important points that the parents should know about. And then we'll go from there on how they can you've read, you've written some books and some articles where you can continue on this is such a vast topic.
Well, one of the points that they want to touch upon as the issue of encouragement, encouragement is very important. And particularly from age six, and seven, this issue, or this particular stage of the child's life is called the stage of inferiority versus industry.
And the key to this stage is encouragement, use less discouragement and more encouragement. So use more positive reinforcement and less negative review, for example, please,
I'll give you an example. how, you know, in fact, is only one of the tabs, which are the second generation Muslims, young boys, do not, do not think little of yourself and I'd be loving yourselves. Amara have thought that is honorable. Use the inviting people to consult them on great matters, to follow the sharpness of their minds or seeking the sharpness of their thinking process. Because adults could be multifaceted, yes, but that could overwhelm your thinking. So he wants to see the uni dimensional thinking and the children have the uni dimensional thinking. So when Omar invites you, that's the the leader of the Muslims, he used to leave, you know,
more than 20 of the contemporary countries. So when the leader of more than 20 of the contemporary countries, brings the children over and consult them on various matters, some of them are important. You can imagine how the word builders of character, they are builders, of great leaders. And that is what the prophet peace be upon him did the Prophet hire Dr. Seed to be his viceroy on Mecca when he was less than 20, modern he was less than 20 when he sent him as an ambassador to Yemen.
And now best was only 10. When the Prophet peace be upon him died. And I've logged in as was was about this age, when the Prophet peace do the work, you know, contemporaries or the you know, they're equal in age peers, belovedness VEDA and Abdullah numbers, see how much they benefited from their company. The companionship of the Prophet peace be upon him because he, when he welcomed them, he was warm to them, he would shake hands with, with children in the street, to give themselves confidence, so that it encouraged them and give give them self confidence that become the leaders of tomorrow. And that's what we feel oftentimes to do humor. In short, I'm going to ask you just some
some questions, and you tell me good or bad and just elaborate for a moment before we cut out, always screaming at the children when they do something wrong, good or bad? No, it's bad.
It is bad. It's basically ineffective. Yeah. Well, you need to diversify your response to be effective, because otherwise, the kids will get immune against that screaming.
He developed immunity like to develop immunity bugs, even better immunity for behavior also. So when someone has a certain behavior, you develop immunity to that behavior, even between the spouses, and people need to,
you know, understand that this is quite an effective way of preaching public school, good or bad.
If there are alternatives than that, okay, I've heard it being compared to spiritual suicide. I heard Actually, this the shape of the lesson from the ina Institute, he was calling the man warfare.
So avoid public schools.
If there are alternatives, yes, if there are alternatives and there are alternatives and communities need, Muslim communities need to come up with more and more alternatives not limited to Islamic schools but also tutoring animals in the mustards. For homeschooled kids. If we do this, we can help allow parents who can do it alone. To do it with a little bit of help. Yeah. Last closing comments instead.
Justin's wrapping it up for those sincere parents who want the best for themselves and their family. What encouragement and advice do you give them share?
I think you always thought from and go back to the, the two conditions of
the validity of anything we do and Islam which, which is sincerity, and correctness. And in sincerity is defined defined by complete devotion to align that which you do, you have to make sure that you are actually serving his interests, not your limited, narrow personal interest. And correctness is by following the path of the Prophet peace be upon him, walk behind them, he's leaving you to the right way and on the right way to the right. And then if you start to walk away, here or there you can be,
he can fall in the traps of the Satan's walk right behind him, you will get to where you believe he will get to, and as a Muslim, if you believe that he's getting to paradise, walk right behind them. He'll lead you there. That makes sense. It's simple. And just in the last few seconds, where can people go to continue their education and read more of your work and your material? They can go to AMS online.org amga online.org, one word. You can also go to Sharia academy.com AMS online as the assembly of Muslim jurists in America entry Academy as a higher learning institution. Does Oklahoma God Almighty Allah reward you for being mistaken? Thank you very much. Thanks. Thank you for tuning
in to another episode of the deen show. It starts with wanting the treasures out there but do you want it God Almighty Allah has sent us the guidance to the last and final message of Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him. And not much to add after the Shaykh has told us that we need to stick to the verbatim Word of God the Quran and follow me behind the one that's leading us to Jenna. He's the way the truth and the light the Prophet Mohammed last and final messenger just the same way that you would have to not bypass the teachings of Jesus Moses, Abraham, you had to teach. You had to follow the teachers not worship them. They weren't Gods demigods. They didn't call you to worship
themselves, but they called you to follow them. Because they were the ones who are teaching us how to get to paradise how to be successful not only in this life, but also in the hereafter. And we have the guidance from the last and final Master said demand kind of problem have a peace be upon them. So let's be successful. Let's have success in this life. And the next until next time peace BMT. You