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You're just talking about this gender dysphoria now, right? Right. If we go back decades, gender dysphoria this intense loathing of one's biological sex, this used to affect just one out of about 50,000 Kids and mostly boys. And we know from academic studies that were done that 80 to 90% of the time these boys just grew out of it when they went through puberty and you have this attack on children. Now at such a young age, are you seeing this also in your practice? Every single day?

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May

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Allah

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and His final messengers, Muhammad, peace be upon him, this is our religion, Islam, Islam, this is

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was ready to talk about it? I would only talk to explaining how much respect I have for the faith of Islam. Show. Welcome to the deen show. The Deen show

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what are some of the most common problems faced in the Muslim community? Mashallah, well, first, I want to say thank you so much for having us because you're just such a wonderful community. It's a pleasure and an honor.

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Can you hear me now? pleasure and an honor to be here, Michelle, lots of beautiful community. And, and I want to just get something I know I look error, but I'm not Arab. Arabic is my fourth language. So I just to get that out.

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All right. So as far as the problems that we face in the Muslim community, you know, many of us many of you are migrants, right? We've immigrated here, like the chef was saying, and when I came live was about seven years old. And we come here for the pursuit of why have we have an American dream, right, we would the pursuit of education, the pursuit of financial success, the pursuit of any form of significant success, right. And sometimes in this pursuit, we forget something very valuable. And that is that it takes a village to raise a child. And many of us are without support, you know, many of us, we may not have our families here, we may not have a Muslim community, we may not have the

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Islamic schools. And so when what I would say the one of the biggest problems in the Muslim community is the breakdown of the family. breakdown of the family. So either we have divorce, or we have constant fighting, or there is there is a sign up war. So some people tell me Oh, it's a sir we don't fight. Yeah, but there is there is a silent war going on. Right? And so that's that has, and Allah says in the Quran,

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women is to he and hello by Lycoming forsaken as well urgently to score new Eli, how would your alibi Enoch come what that time? What a man that Allah has created the marriage as a way for it to be a form of sukoon tranquility, and he's put the Rama and he's put the love. And so that's what the purpose of our home life should be. And she knows this. I mean, you break down the family, you break down society, you really do really reminds me of a hadith where the prophet saw some had had talked about paraphrasing Hadith, that when shaytaan comes in, he's has all the little Shakedowns. He's like, What did you do? What did you do today? And then he'll list all of these evil things. And then

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the one will say, I broke up a family and separated a husband from his wife. He said, This is the man he honors him, he becomes the most honor. So we have to keep that in mind. We have to keep that in mind. The next time you have that West WESA of how annoying your spouse's.

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You gotta make sure you say how well they've been live and I say Tanya regime and go and hug your spouse. Great advice. What are how is how are our youth affected from a dysfunctional, dysfunctional home? You know, it's it's awful what they go through, it's overwhelming, they become depressed, they become anxious. They feel that they're not in a safe place. They feel that they cannot share with their parents. And when they are not sharing, they may be going through all sorts of stuff. I have clients on a daily basis, that they may be bullied, they may have temptations, they may have gender identity issues, but they don't talk to their parents because they don't feel safe. They don't

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feel like they can open up. And so what a lot of times happens is that Muslim kids have a double life. They have a double life. So there's the Muslim child, you know, in front of the parents at the mosque, and then there's a whole different side to them.

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It just reminded me because you have a small group of doctors, scientists are coming up, you're just talking about this gender dysphoria now, right? Right. If we go back decades, gender dysphoria, this intense loathing of one's biological sex, this used to affect just one out of about 50,000 kids, and mostly boys. And we know from academic studies that were done that 80 to 90% of the time, these boys just grew out of it when they went through puberty. The cure for gender dysphoria is puberty itself. We're now stopping the cure by giving these kids drugs which block puberty, and then we're making it even worse by given the opposite sex hormones. And we're doing surgeries on kids. This is all

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irreparable damage. I met a young woman last night before the school board meeting in Loudoun County, she's 22 years old, she went to school there, seven friends of hers, all transitioned, five of them have already transitioned. But these girls have lost their breasts, they lost their natural voices, they have deeper voices now, who knows what other medical side effects had kicked in.

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But they're getting caught up in this craze. And for this girl, and for all of these girls, they all have mental health issues. Every single D transition er I've ever spoken to, every single one has at some other comorbid factor going on. And the crucial time is one was saying molteni are saying is puberty now, and you have this attack on children. Now at such a young age? Are you seeing this also in your practice? Every single day? And I serve only the Muslim community every day, I have even infiltrated into the Muslim community. Oh,

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very much. So bring people up to speed because I think this is so important that, you know, this is something that it's like, when you would ask,

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you know, your grandfather's your grandmother's, you know, what's a man? What's a woman? That's kind of clear, but those lines are kind of shifting now.

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Yeah, that's that's a big topic. Big Tom, my husband, he said.

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That was that was because that's one of the questions what yeah, what are some of the dangers our children are facing in public schools? Yeah. Would you say this? Where would this list from 123? From the top? Yeah, I would say it is very much up there. It's one of the top reasons that many of our kids are being exposed to information. And it's confusing them. It's contradicting the Islamic belief. And what's happening is that one of the major issues that the youth are experiencing is identity issues, right? The Islamic identity, they don't feel proud to be a Muslim, and then the gender identity crisis, I get that daily. So you had that's one thing so free, like, you know, with

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these inferiority, inferiority complex, you know, proud to be a Muslim, but now it's like, this whole thing is like, they're pushing this confusion on the many of the clients I have, they will tell me that at the age of 13, and this usually happens, all the clients I've had, it's been in, in public schools. And of course, there's exceptions, some people can go to the public schools and manage to survive it and handle I'm a product of it. But you know, it's it 30 years ago, 40 years ago, was very different than now. And the ones that are going through, they will tell me that at 13, they decided to have a different identity, gender SubhanAllah.

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So what is critical to having having them fighting these temptations and avoiding the prayer peer pressure? Right. So, you know, you have to equip your kids with high self esteem. Okay, that was one of the things that saved me and hamdulillah my parents, I would say, there were Muslim light, okay. It wasn't like very strict and you have to follow, but they really instilled in me self respect. So the self esteem when you feel strong about who you are, and then you have to give them the Islamic identity, they have to know the why. Why are they Muslim? Not just do the rituals, just pray. It's about why why is it important? And when you have that when you're equipped with self esteem, when

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you're equipped with the with the knowledge of the deen and you have a high sense of a strong sense of Islamic identity, then you can face all those temptations and that's the beautiful thing about our deen. It makes sense. It's evidence based. I remember growing up my family coming from a Bosnian background. They're Muslim, right? But we were just kind of fitting in you know what I mean? I wasn't taught these things. You know what then Fatiha means when you're praying? What do you say soup?

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How to appeal Glory be to my lord the most high you just kind of going through the motions the rituals, like a robot, but when you learn the substance behind it, the meaning behind it the evidence behind it, then it's empower you you know the worshipping of the Creator alone that is created me it's it goes with the fit that Islam has me. Absolutely. And this is what I encourage the parents who get their kids to memorize I value memorization Alhamdulillah. But you have to learn the meanings. Because if you don't know and you're just parroting it. Sadly, I have seen her father go astray if they don't know what they what they have memorized. So it's not just memorizing it's

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understanding on behalf to understand it. Yes. Next question here is so how can Islamic schools help address the most common problems faced by the youth? It is so critical, it really I cannot emphasize this enough. I remember I was in an ISNA conference, this is before I had kids. And you know, I heard the importance of Islamic school. And I made a commitment that I'm going to definitely put my kids in Islamic school, and it was the best decision we ever made. And why because whatever they're learning at school reinforces the Islamic beliefs at home, it doesn't contradict, and so many things become second nature. So the prayer is natural, the hijab is natural. And so everything is

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reinforced. And you're with like minded individuals, you don't feel isolated. I can't tell you the number of clients that tell me, I was the only brown kid I was the only Muslim I felt. I felt pressured, I felt alone. So when you're in an Islamic school, and you learn you're, you have role models. First of all, you you learn the deen and the love for it growth in sha Allah is very important. I remember again, just taking me back to my history, you know, going to public school, it just took one bad friend, and that friend and not having that reinforcement, that Islamic identity where you have your peers read my essay, Abdullah, it's time to pray for Eddie as go Hamza, let's go

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mix Allah, You know what I mean? And you feel you have your your friends that are out there that are Muslim, that are reminding you of your purpose in life while you've been creative while you're here, and kind of to kind of help you fight off those temptations. And that and to reinforce what you were saying that

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you are yes, having the software is so important having that because you know if I think the analogy is if you have one stick, you can easily break it. But if you put a group of you know, that little sticks together that's so hard to break, and when when you're surrounded by good software, good friendship, that will definitely lead you the right path and show love remind me before I go to my next question, as a private citizen said that the individual is on the Dean the way of his friends, yes, right. Yes. Well, we got to have good friends, good company, good environment and Islamic schools helped to set that precedent. Absolutely. I think, you know, the friendships that my friend

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my kids have formed, my kids are mashallah 2320 and 18. That's what I value most. And there would be times where, you know, sometimes my husband would say, you know, what this school, like, the academics is maybe possibly, it's this, it's that, but I just thought, really the most important thing, because I have seen valedictorians, who will come and say, I, you know, I've left a slum, you can have someone who gets a merit Merit Scholar, and they can say I have a gender identity crisis. And so when we focus only on the academics, and I know this is going to touch some nerves. But if you only focus on the academics, and you overlook, establishing the pride and the dean, and that

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complete connection, you will lose some pride in the Dean took beer,

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talk beer.

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Tell me this, what are some of the common mistakes, you cover some things, but here particularly, what are some of the common mistakes that parents or Islamic organizations themselves make? Right, so how long do we have for this one?

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This could take a couple of hours, but we're gonna short version The short version is micromanaging. Right? A lot of parents like to be helicopter moms and dads. I know that's gonna touch a lot of nerves too, right? And that micromanaging makes a parent, you know, makes the kids want to rebel or want to push away, right? So one is micromanaging. Second, is being neglectful, right? There's some lazy parenting going on, right? You know, watch as much as you want, do whatever you want. And suddenly, from you know, sometimes from 13 to like, 17. They have a crisis. And they see, oh, my gosh, what happened to my child, but there's complete neglect. And the third

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thing I would say is emphasizing the rituals, but not instilling the love of the deen. So it's all about prayer memorize, go do this go do that your hijab your beard, you're this but then there's no love of the deen there's no understanding and that is more important than the rituals. Yeah and I know some of you are saying this can strike you know at home for some people but I mean this is like when you hear these things we should really take it as this is from the love you know that mean? That this advice comes to how's it gonna come you know, you make dua and you ask Allah for guidance. And next, you know, hello Banani saying something that strikes a chord at first it could be like,

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Wow, are they talking about me? Right? And say parents, you leave in your child with the you know, the super gadget all day and you just, you know, forgetting about what's on there. And the next thing you know the on tick tock, and they become ticked off fanatics and as you notice on Tik Tok now, I know, that's another subject. That's a whole nother subject. Subhanallah Yeah, and you have no idea you think a lot of times, people are have a false sense of security, because their child is doing well at school. This is this is so typical, that people who come they are exceptional academically, and the parents were like, they literally were telling me, I didn't have to worry, I

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thought I didn't have to worry about it. You always have to worry about your kids, you always have to be concerned, you always have to look after them and create an environment, it's not going to just happen, right? You can't just wish for the best. If you want your kids you're at home is the soil in which your kids, right, you raise them. And the school also the so the school, the Masjid environment, all of these things, you have to provide it. And sometimes you can do everything and you might still be tested. But at least you have to do your best. This is such an important topic. I mean, this is so so important. Let's go to the next question. What steps can we take as a society to

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help overcome these obstacles? Right. So first, we have to establish like what you're doing in this community, establishing the masjid establishing a Islamic school, and, and not just a masjid, but a community center. That's so critical. Because when you have a place where the kids love to hang out, they love to go there. They're the ones saying Mom and Dad, let's go. When my kids tell me I'm gonna go to Mass masses, the Islamic community in Dallas, I feel so happy that they're going to a safe haven, right. So we have to create these safe havens. And I remember interviewing Mohamed Bashir in one of my shows, and he talked about building a community. And it's amazing, it's amazing how, you

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know, you can create a community where people love to be a part of it, and the kids love to be Muslim. So this this is something that we don't need to a lot of people are moving to Dallas, you don't need to move there. You can create it here and it's impressive what you are doing and in sha Allah that this will be a beacon of light and people from other states will be coming to Little Rock Arkansas in sha Allah Now how can

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was very impressed. I mean, coming here and seeing the Little Rock Arkansas with did not expect it my salah very nicely. If there was people living on the moon, you'd have Muslims on the moon up there.

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So now how can everyone contribute to ensuring our children's Islamic identity? The Islamic identity? First of all, we have to create a positive association, a positive association to coming to the message that kids have to feel welcome. If they're always be quiet. Don't move. Where are you dressed like this? I remember my son, I think he was like in ninth grade. And he went to the mosque. And we're very new. And he had shorts on but it was long. It was long. It wasn't like this. It was a long trip, but it wasn't over his knee. And an uncle came up to him and said, Brother, why are you naked?

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He's like, Mom, why what what do they do? You know, so Subhan Allah, I know everyone means well, we have a lot of like Masjid police, right? And we have to just be careful not to push the kids away. So we have to definitely create a positive association. We have to create environments where we ourselves are role models, right? We and Allah says in nulla Hala yoga you do MobiCom in Hatha Yoga you might be for saying that Allah will not change the condition of the people until we change ourselves. So as parents, it's so easy to want our kids to be you know the Hafez, we want them to do so many things, but what are we doing and what kind of role

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models. How are we? Yeah, that goes into the next question. How can we be that role model? Now instead of them looking up to, you know, the several celebrities out there, and you know, all the people out there, that's gonna take them away from their dean. But now, you want to be that right role model? How can you be that right role model for your children, you have to be mindful, mindful of your thoughts, because your thoughts create your emotions, the emotion creates the actions. So if all day long, you're having negative thoughts, you're in a bad mood. You're angry all the time. You're frowning and yelling and screaming at your kids, you represent a slum to them. So a lot of

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the kids a lot of the young adults I do counseling with, they tell me, yeah, my parents, they just don't represent they don't go there. Sadly, they'll say they're hypocrites. So quite the way they act at the masjid is not the way they are at home, Jekyll and Hyde. And so they lose respect. And they're not only losing respect for the parents, they're losing respect for Islam, because they represent a slob. So we need to take responsibility. Be mindful of our behavior, be mindful of how we treat them, make them feel loved, make them feel accepted. And really, that we can't use the old outdated methodology of parenting the way maybe some of our parents were like, well, I turned out

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pretty good.

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But it's a different generation. It's a different. Yeah, that's such a powerful reminder. I believe it was our leader de la when the Sahaba what he said talking about, you know, right that you need to raise your kids according to that to the time's right. So we cannot I guarantee if you are using an outdated approach of source, threats, hitting spanking, whatever it is all of that, you're going to lose your kids, like I can, I can guarantee it, I can guarantee it, you have to use a different approach. You have to you have to connect with them. You have to make them feel heard, understood, appreciated, accepted, how do we keep a balance where we don't in a culture where people you see are

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sometimes becoming too soft? You know what I mean? And then any want to get out exercise, they don't want to get out and do things. They're stuck by the TV Xbox all day, right? You know what I'm saying? So how do you keep a balance to keep them also? Sure, I mean, there has to be some discipline, right. So I'm not saying you know, just be Laissez Faire and let them do whatever you want. But the thing is, you do it with love, you explain, you encourage you reward. So it's, it's that methodology. Yeah. Beautiful. How did you lie her below any any closing comments, remarks? Well, we we got to all the questions. Well, yes. What I would like to remind you, whether you have

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kids or not, whether your kids have grown or not, this is part of our responsibility, if you are able to donate, and if you are able to help build this community, every child that you protect from going astray, every child that you protect from leaving a slum, every child that you protect from having all of these identity issues, you're going to be rewarded. And it's not going to be just one child, what sometimes we put all our focus on our kids, we may have two or three, this is going to affect hundreds of kids. So the south of Nigeria, for this is amazing. And we never know what will tip the scale. This may be your last deed, how many times we get the news that someone someone

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passed away, they were driving, they were sleeping, never never woke up. So this might be your very last deed, and you will have wished that you'd given so much. So whatever you had in your mind, I want you to multiply it by how many. You're the expert, expert, multiply it, triple it. And I remember someone saying that once I was at a fundraiser, and I think it was Schiff Allah in Canada. And he did. He was just like, he worked us up and he just said, Take whatever you had and multiply and I was like, wow, that's effective. So make sure you do that in sha Allah. And it really will have a profound impact if we can save our children. Thank you so so thank you very much for the

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words of wisdom and advice. Shala this can go into action in sha Allah, sha Allah how we can do it. We can do it. If one person accepts Islam because of you because of your effort. It worth more than hold on you is your brother other of how other from Dallas Texas I'm here in support of the dissenter. It's a beautiful organization, Masha, Allah doing Dawa in the US and they have purchased a piece of land

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and several building on it. And we are counting our brothers and sisters throughout the US throughout the world to be part of this magnificent project. It doesn't matter how much you give, it doesn't matter how much you didn't eat what mattered. We all participate in Charlotte May Allah bless you. Thank you so much for cinema like

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I cannot leave without giving you a gift if you're not yet Muslim and you tune in and see what these Muslims are talking about, and you'd like a free copy of the Quran. Go and visit the deen show.com We'll take care of the postage and everything and get it delivered to you. And if you still have some questions about Islam, call us at 1-800-662-4752 We'll see you next time until then Peace be with you as salaam alaikum. And if you liked this episode of the deen show, like this video, share this video far and wide and support us on our Patreon page so we can continue this work. Thank you for tuning in. Peace be with you A salaam aleikum