Keeping Marriage Together As A Muslim Family In Islam

			Bismillah Alhamdulillah wa salam alaikum Peace be with you. I'm your host and you made it for
another week of the deen show. And in the studio this week, is a man with a lot of experience. He's
in town, and we want to talk to him. We want to pick his brain. We want to discuss family life. Many
of us have families thinking about having families and we want to be able to keep them together.
While many families are breaking apart, we want to give some advice so we can keep those families
that maybe are on the verge of breaking apart, we can keep them together and give some advice for
those that are going good where they cannot, and how they can not go wrong. So when we come back, we
		

			got a surprise for you in the deen show studio. I reveal that when we come back here on the dean
show. This is the theme
		

			this is the
		

			this is the
		

			Salam Alaikum
		

			Peace be with you. See, I wanted to keep the surprise Shaikh Mohammed Sade ugly.
		

			Is that right? Yes, MSA. Now you one of the first here in the Americas. Now you've been here for a
long time. how long you've been a man in the United States for 4050 years? No. Not close to 40 plus
40 plus years about I've been 33 years now. Approximately doing the same work. Alhamdulillah. And
the surprise that not only doing the same work, I've been the Imam in my location, the last location
since 1980 1980. The Imam as the director of the Islamic center of Columbia, South Carolina. Well,
it's a pleasure. It's been a long time you were we haven't had you on a dean show for quite some
time. So pleasure to have you back. Thank you. Glad to be here. My pleasure. Now, you know, we cater
		

			to a lot of non Muslims.
		

			And that's our audience. We're broadcasting out of Chicago and people tune in. And before we want to
break some ice Do you mind and I know you you're laid back, gentlemen, a mom shake. So for the non
Muslims that tune in they see the beard, and they say, You know what? They just watch fox news and
they turn is is it that's the guy is not me.
		

			Not me. They might hook you up with somebody from Afghanistan or a lot. And this that and the other.
What do you got to say is fine. I'm a Muslim, and I'm proud to be a Muslim. And this is part of the
way how a Muslim supposed to look. Alright. Maybe some of it is recommended. Some of them is must
like growing a beard is part of our Deen. I'm not embarrassed to say I'm a Muslim, and I have the
honor to grow my beard to try to imitate the Prophet sallallahu sallam. Marina Koofi wearing a soap,
okay, does not mean every Muslim have to wear a soap. But it's better to distinguish himself to be a
piece of that one invitation for others. Because if you are in the middle of the airport, and you
		

			don't know what you get to you go to a booth and has something say information. So when somebody See
you in the train, walk in the street, he will know that you are a Muslim, he will be ready to
approach you ask you about Islam. And instead of seeing somebody else with a suit and tie I'm not
saying something wrong with the suit on time, but is going to maybe have 5% idea maybe you are a
Muslim, but somebody will see me they will have 99.9% this a Muslim I can ask him about Islam. Okay,
now the numbers I'm not belittling? Yeah. So now when someone comes up to you says, You know what,
they come up to you and they see you and they say, you know what, that's a Muslim. I want to come
		

			straight to him. And I'm sure you get a lot of Not, not yet Muslims, non Muslims have come up to
you. And this one in particular says, you know, what, does your religion teach that you gotta
		

			have the Jews or Christians accept Islam or you kill them? Okay. Is this what your religion teaches?
No, we don't have a we have something in Islam called les karate. You could not force anybody to
accept the the religion, but we are commanded to give down. We invite the people. We can
		

			For them, because our Dean telling us whosoever dies without accepting one list of Almighty God and
the finality of the Prophet Muhammad Sallallahu sallam, he will be amongst the winners of hellfire.
So when I'm giving zinged our talking to them communicating to them dialogue and wisdom is because I
have love for them, I care for them, and that wants mercy and blessing to happen to them. Now if you
were living during the time of Jesus, Jesus, peace be upon us beautiful. We believe Salah was one of
the mightiest messengers of God, is this correct? Yes. So now if we were living during his reign his
prophethood did you have to accept him as the Messenger of God and the oneness of God? Otherwise,
		

			you're going to be in some deep trouble. Exactly, exactly the same thing. Of course, the same thing
that what was the Prophet Musa Prophet Abraham, you have to submit yourself to the will of God that
means except to Almighty, the creator as the only deity to worship and to accept and acknowledge the
messenger that is sin that is there for you. Okay, so with that said, Now denying the Prophet
Mohammed Salah last and since he already came, denying the Prophet Mohammed Salah Salem means
denying Jesus also and not in Moses, and denying Jesus and Moses, as you deny the Creator, is a
choice that he sent, alas, the prophet. So you deny him that means denying the command of God. So if
		

			we say we don't believe in Jesus, we don't love and revere Jesus, then we're not Muslim. No, we're
not Muslim is a fact. But we believe in Jesus as a prophet of Almighty God as the messenger of
Almighty God, not as a son of God, not a part of God, not equal to God, not the third of three. This
is yes, we believe in Jesus, messenger of Allah, Prophet of Allah, born from the Virgin Mary, okay,
that he has no father, he has a mother, that he's assigned a miracle that God Almighty said to him
and revealed to him, this our belief about Jesus, we love him. And we believe in the second coming
of Jesus, this amaze is another topic and of itself, we want to get into the main topic, family
		

			life. Okay, we want to talk about what I had mentioned earlier in the show that you know, many is,
is a high statistic people are getting married to get divorced, people are getting married. And you
know what, they're having a hard time keeping the marriage together. So in general, what advice
would you give for the husband and wife to be able to work? Because you have a lot of experience I'm
sure in the 40 plus years, you've had a lot of sit downs with couples Is this right? Of course Yeah.
So what's like the number one problem What's the number? What's the number almost every day? Yes,
what's the number one problem that people come to you to complain? husband or wife
		

			is different types of problems. But you see, first of all, before I discuss this issue about
problems and family life and things like this, there is a quotation that some Muslims believe that
to be a sin of the Prophet and it's very important clarifies this to the listeners especially the
Muslims in the abadal halali Allah tala the most hateful thing to Allah which is love for is the
divorce. This is not a quotation or a statement of the Prophet salaallah sin does not mean we say
Islam teaches you or encourage you to divorce your wife but attaching this statement to the prophets
This is not correct. This is something I would like to start with. Okay. And I think that we if it
		

			is it is not authentic or is this something not authentic or not, is not authentic? Okay. But Islam
doesn't
		

			forbid divorce. At the same time Islam doesn't encourage divorce. So we are not saying regardless
whatever happened between and the husband even if they're about to shoot each other in the head I
don't know sometimes he shook his head sometimes he just says this is all over the news you hear
like crazy here okay, but it's not Islam say no when it comes to this you understand is better that
everybody go to his way and even depart is a good way in good way. So Islam allows divorce if there
is a need for divorce, but the statement is not correct. But let's go to the problems the problem is
start with why are you going to marry this woman while you are choosing this man let's hold off
		

			right there. We're gonna take a break. We'll be right back with answer this question here on a D
show. Islam is the fastest growing religion in the world and most of the converts are women, not
men. They see that the rules of Islam instead of constraining the rules, set them free.
		

			This is the
		

			Your dream home and you've got your dream car but you're gonna get old and things got to happen to
you in your life. And then what have you got at the end of the day? It's an empty dream that has no
real Foundation, we are going to die and we're going to meet our Lord and He is going to judge us.
It becomes an obligation for each single human being to find out what the Quran is. Islam is telling
us to stay away from things which are bad for your person and bad for the society.
		

			It's killing of innocent human being.
		

			human life is precious. Back here on the D show with Imam Sheikh Mohammed Sade, oddly. So before we
left out, he talked about a common quotation that's attributed to the last and final messenger of
peace be upon him. He said, this is not authentic. Yes. How about the one that says that the throne
of Allah shakes at the happening of divorce is not authentic. And we shouldn't understand. adding
things to the deen or lying again is the Prophet sallallahu Sallam to stop a problem.
		

			This is a crime itself. But you talk about Allah and His messenger with something he didn't say.
Yeah. But now if someone says Well, how do you know it's not authentic? How does somebody verify
that now what you're saying is correct, because there is a way to authenticate any statement said by
the prophet sallallahu sallam, it has a scientists have a way of study, they have a scholar the
spin, same thing like somebody giving you gold or silver and you could not yourself know if it's
gold or silver. So, you take it to people who specialize in this field, they examine it they make
some experiments and tell you according the testing is a lab This shows that this is gold, but is 19
		

			carats, this 22 carries like this. Yeah. So is the same thing in Hades, there is people who
specialize and studying of knowledge like myself, you understand we go and utter what is the scholar
saying, This is not my speciality, but I at least I have the tools that I can go open the books and
search who said authentic or not authentic? And these people are not making their own idea. They
make a study, they make a test. And to understand, is this been narrated authentic from the Prophet
sallallahu sallam, or is a break in the chain of snared the communication. I told you. You told him
you told her she told him he heard from the Prophet. So are they are these weak? Are these totally
		

			not authentic or fake? I'm not the first one about lll. Allah is not authentic. About the throne of
Michael la shaken is fabricated. Okay. Okay, so let's continue on. And people can go verify this and
check this, of course. Okay, so now tell us now,
		

			what's the number one complaint that you get from people who come to see you in your office? Okay,
but the people always have a complaint but what I'm saying is the problem is start from day one.
When you get you when you blend it to get into relationship with a woman or a woman getting in a
relationship with a man to be a husband, to be a wife, what is what is the main thing you like about
this man or this woman that you want to marry? Because when we did not come as a prophet sallallahu
Sallam saying was the meaning is a man seeks marriage from a woman for one of these reasons. Okay,
don't tell Mara urba the man has a big family for Bugatti de Teradata de la sala la salud, that a
		

			man seeks marriage from a woman because one of this quality or beauty for wealth, her family
		

			lineage lineage okay? Or because her belief or religion so the Prophet say marry a woman because
hair religion, otherwise you be a loser. So you start in a building with no solid foundation?
Because is the deal is the religion is the teaching of Quran and the authentic son is what is going
to be the solution to our problems. But if you marry a woman, a man because he's handsome, or
because you understand he rage or a woman because this as these things comes and goes. So when you
try to apply the medicine to it, which is the teaching of Islam, you're not ready to take this
medicine. You have you have some kind of what you call allergy against it. You could not take this
		

			medicine. Yeah. So we need to establish something in the beginning. Why I'm going to marry this
woman or why is this woman going to marry this man? So once we acknowledge Okay, let's say that the
person married someone who is a righteous person. They live by the total complete submission and
surrender acquired peace from the one guy but the creator Islam, and they live by the Quran, which
is the verbatim Word of God and the authentic teachings of the last question.
		

			messenger his son, the Hadith, peace be upon them. So now, these people who did that, and now they
still might have some issues, okay, because the human being now you're having getting to people with
different habits with different ideas with different views and you want to put both of them together
not for a couple of hours they are going to be they are not in favor of each other face. Yeah. So we
have to grow in understanding the personality of each other. We need to learn how to accommodate
each other. And this is a problem sometimes I understand that in the family, okay, the man want to
be the leader, you want to be the the chief you want. This is fine, he has this right. Okay. But he
		

			doesn't know how to be a man how to be a boss, how to manage things, as a woman also want to maybe
grab the same steering wheel and to be the one who are on the issues. In Islam, there is something
called consultation. I don't have to go by what my wife saying, but can at least ask her opinion
what you think about it. And we are not going to discuss things about I'm going to pray Zohar
afternoon prayer for Catherine to make consultation about it. But if you want to understand to go
out for outing you and your wife and the children
		

			in instead of Okay, this world we go into this weekend, can we consult can we discuss it as example.
Maybe she have a another
		

			reference you understand or some other idea she would like to go to the zoo Park as example. So we
have to learn how to manage how to understand the other,
		

			the other person to be the other person shoe. This one of the problems that we don't know how to
accommodate each other communication is key. Of course, okay. consultation and communication now
consultation between each other, but if it excels, let's say that they're not seeing eye to eye
okay. Mother in law's father in law? Should they take it to their families? Will this bring more
harm or good? When the say the wife, she starts to Okay, come mother in law and father in law
because you want to take it your mother, your mother loves you more than here? Yeah, this is my
child, okay? She take it to her mother, her mother loves their baby more than you. So everybody
		

			they're interested in in their child. So they are not going to bring. So even Islam teaches us this
verb. So how can
		

			how can an annual commandment la when it comes about is going to be a clash and divorce. And all
this methodology is not working, unless they bring a person from her family as representative and a
person from his family. And they sit down in a family gathering discussing the problem, you see, but
I could not be always calling my mother and she's calling her mother and everybody getting a
different view they need to sit in a family gathering. And they try to listen and they try to see
what is the best for the family. This what they have to be. So we have to sometimes, but also, I
don't see that this is a solution unless that everything else it didn't work. Why we
		

			this is the last like final straw. Exactly. Okay, so why a husband and wife could not sit down and
talk to each other first. Why is you could not be patient with one another. And listen, the problem
in the sense that you don't want to listen. And this brings up a serious problem. So sometimes it is
a matter of lending an ear to your partner.
		

			And for some reason, some people don't want do it. Out of arrogancy out of feeling I'm to God. But
the Prophet sallallahu sallam, we have to always see how the Prophet sallallahu Sallam was so
patient and he was there trying to solve the problem as examples that had the same was the meaning
is my four year old Rasulullah sallallahu wasallam Bane I'm bringing in Dr. Solomon, never the
Prophet sallallahu Sallam being given a choice between two matters. This is that you want to eat
yonder chicken or you want to eat beef. You want to go to the zoo or you want to go to the bar as
long as it's not halal and haram. So the Prophet used to work us the easier so let it go. Hey,
		

			honey, what do you like to go this weekend? No, I don't like red lobster. What do you like? I like
seafood. Okay, it's not a big deal. All right. But Claire, she comes out of nothing. Why? Because we
don't know how to let it go sometimes. Or how to discuss things or try to see what as long as not
something Haram. Try to compromise and if you try to compromise to make your wife happy
		

			Believe me, she will see it, even if she did not see it. Later on when she got sleep next day, she
would think about it. And maybe she tried to compete with you next time, she will try to compromise
for you for the next time. So we have to know how how to, to blaze this
		

			road role of being involved. As one team, we are wanting one team, exactly. Okay, one team, let's
take a break and we'll come back one team and ensure
		

			there always be someone that will be there to say something negative, but at the same time, there'll
be someone that to say something positive, just hold on to the rope of Allah, everything in this
universe rely on need Allah, the Quran says don't kill women don't kill children don't kill the old
people don't attack the civilians. This is what the prophet Mohammed
		

			Allah said that the profits are solid, never ever start a war against anybody.
		

			And if we're gonna worship something, I figured I might as well worship the Creator, instead of any
of the creations.
		

			Now, in upon investigating the religions, I remember finding out the meaning of what Islam is what a
Muslim is. Those who surrender their self to God is a Muslim. Those who cement submit to God, God's
will, that Islam was pure, it was just, you just pray to God, your Creator.
		

			Back here on today's show, we're talking about one team under one roof one family, and we want to
keep the families together, so they got roles to play. Can you briefly tell us what's the man's
role, the woman's role, because sometimes these roles get mixed up, okay? First of all, we have to
understand why we get married, okay. And we have to understand that we have a goal, we are trying to
create a new unit to worship Allah. So our marriage is a lease towards a higher goal. And we have to
learn how to sacrifice to reach our goal. People come from overseas to America to learn English, and
depart from their families and all these things because they have abroad, we have a higher goal to
		

			please Allah to go to Germany. So and it's going to be obstacles, it's going to be problems, but we
have to learn how to sacrifice How to Be patient. So our goal is pleasing Allah, raising a Muslim
family, how are we as a husband protection from my wife, and my wife B protection for me, not only
for economic reason only, okay, but we have to be a means my wife is a means for me to help me to
lower my gaze to protect my private parts. Okay. And I am also the same for here, you see, so you
scratch my back, I scratch your back, you got to protect me, I'm going to show you. So this is one
thing. And also we're going to be a leader to lead naked kids, okay, or little children, to raise
		

			him as Muslims to do the right thing. And to stay away from what's forbidden. This is something has
to be also exist in our mind. And always because the goal, we're going to make a sacrifice, if we're
not going to learn exists, we're not going to be we are wanting what is the role of the man and a
woman, it's simple. You have a basket, or a bucket has two ears, okay, you have a box you carry from
this side I carry from this side. Otherwise, if I carried my by myself, I'm going to break my back,
I'm going to help my muscles. So now you carry from one side shaker from one side. So now there is
two things needs to be done here. Somebody has to earn $1 to bring food income to the house, and
		

			somebody has to keep the house running and watching the children. So now let's split. This explains
the responsibility. And of course, by nature, by all means, alarm is a man suitable to go outside to
search for the dollar. And do suffer and harder this, that same thing, a woman a woman with a gentle
and can hard and have more patience to deal with the children and the how to make the place as a
paradise and haven for her husband. So her job is not more important than mine. Neither of my job is
more important than Hey, both of us try to serve to be to have one team. We have one umbrella, we
have one thing and all of us going to be under it. Okay, so both of us have to be like one hand
		

			washes the other one just like there's only one. Of course, maybe you have to be one team. You could
not you could not have to be driving one car, okay, you're going to drive, I'm going to be the best
injured or I'm going to be the best you're going to drive you choose. And since I already take the
course of going understand how to
		

			Drive, I'm going to drive. God Almighty Allah, our Creator gave me the responsibility and save me,
john ohkawa Mona Lisa, be my father Obama, Barack Obama. And
		

			so Allah design you for accepting job. And Allah designed him for a certain job, we're going to
accept the choice of Allah or robot to make our only choice. So listening, adhering to the commands
of Allah is something very important. And it's going to be obstacles and ups and downs, but we have
to work on it. Sit down, talk, give each other area understand, try to consider the other person try
to have their feeling. See what's the complaint, try to consider you see, this is something very
important. Try to listen to your partner. Always try to listen to your partner, try to give them
excuse. Why is it this gives him another excuse, try to forgive, there is many things that we can
		

			talk about how to keep this we don't want to split it. We don't want to cut it or we don't want to
disperse the unit. We want to keep it almost until you want to die or she's going to die. And both
of us who want to meet again in general inshallah, thank you for the incredible great advice. Oh,
thank you. Thank you inshallah, we look forward to having you back again and was like God Willing
show and some great advice, communicate work together to keep the family together under one roof,
one family, worshipping the one guy. And this is what Islam is really focusing on all of us to do to
form a relationship with the one creator who created this whole universe and everything in it. And
		

			to come together man and woman as a family, husband and wife working together collaborating together
and goodness, so they can have righteous children. And those children can go out and contribute to
make a righteous society. We look forward to having you back here with us here on the deen show. Do
not forget to pick up the deen show. DVDs and share this message of peace peace acquired by
submitting yourself entirely to the One God Islam share this message. You can get our DVDs at DVD
for download. com you can copy them, give them out to the non Muslims. And don't forget to visit us
here every week on the deen show. Until then, next time, peace be unto you.