Tamara Gray – How to heal from grudges and grievances

Other stories that just blows my mind is the story of Abu Bakr.

Adilahan Ho and his daughter, ayasha. I'm saying it this way

because I want to tell the story of Abu Bakr. It's from Abu Bakr.

Decider was the Father, as we know, of Aisha,

and during the ethic the trial where Aisha was accused of

terrible sin

that he was, I just want you to imagine how hurt he must have been

as her father. Think about you as a parent. Do you get more upset

when somebody hurts you, or if somebody hurts your kids?

And so there was one of his relatives was actually one of the

members of those who were spreading the terrible gossip and

slander, literally spreading gossip and slander about his

daughter.

And this relative was a relative that Abu Bakr supported. He gave

him money on the regular

to take care of him.

And so after the whole problem was resolved, Abu Bakr was like, I'm

not giving him money anymore.

Now, wouldn't we all say, ha, he has the right. This is, of course,

of course. Why would he give Of course, literally talk about toxic

people. We talk about toxic people and manipulative people and having

to protect ourselves from toxic people, etcetera. Well, what about

this person? Literally, was part of a toxic community plot against

the dog, his his very daughter, and with that, his beautiful

friend who was the prophet of his religion. It's

very severe, severe actions. This is not just not being invited to a

wedding. And so he said, I'm not giving him money anymore. And I

think all of us would say, yeah, absolutely, that makes 100% sense,

and we would encourage our friends not to do it. Yes, that's a toxic

person. You they do not deserve your money anymore, etcetera. But

Allah

revealed a verse about this decision. So what a 24 verse, 22

if you want to look it up in English, and let not those of

virtue among you and wealth swear not to give aid to their relatives

and the needy and the immigrants, the Mahajan, who, who went, who

did their immigration for Allah.

Then there's a question. It's a rhetorical question,

would you not like that? Allah would forgive you? Do you want

Allah to forgive you? Uh huh, Allah for Rahim.

This is just it blows me away.

Abu Bakr, who's was so hurt, is being called upon to put that hurt

aside and to continue to care for his needy muhajir relative.

And he's he's also being asked, as we all are being asked here,

buna, would you not to buna, would you would you not love Maybe

Allah come?

Wouldn't you love for Allah to forgive you?

I want Allah to forgive me. I need Allah to forgive him.

It feels like it's a question that is linked to our ability to

forgive others,

and so we have to ask ourselves,

where is my heart and what can I do

to change my heart, to remove the bitterness, to remove the grudges

from my heart, what can I do

SubhanAllah? And you know, each of us is going to answer that

question differently. For some people, it will be

spiritual work, literally sitting down and doing spiritual work on

the heart.

For others, it may be therapeutic visits to talk about what's

happening and to to learn how to use skills that you might learn in

therapy to move beyond that pain.

For others, it may be just sitting down and having a conversation, we

say, the kid and thicket. It may be thicket. It may be sitting down

and having some thinking it through and reminding ourselves of

how much we need Allah to forgive us and so moving our way from the

hurt and pain that someone has caused us so.

For others, it may be dark, one of the ways to get rid of grudges is

to make dot for the person who hurts you. Tough stuff,

but but possible, and yes, it is hard to see past our pain

sometimes, but these are some different tools, thicker, thicker.

Dua,

talking with a professional.

All of these are, are ways to help us, but we have to put it on

project level.