Tahir Anwar – Domestic Violence In The American Muslim Community
AI: Summary ©
The NISA community in North America provides support and resources for men and children, including a Helpline, case management, and financial assistance. They also provide mental health services and support for clients, including toys and groceries. The community emphasizes domestic violence and the need for legal, financial, and mental health assistance, and offers support for finding housing for men and women. They also discuss the challenges of working in a difficult environment and the need for diversity in relationships. The community provides resources for people seeking help with mental health and well being, including a focus on healthy relationships and educating people about healthy relationships.
AI: Summary ©
So if you're here for the boys halaqa,
high school halaqa, it is now permanently moved
to Donlan Elementary School.
All the parents should have had an email.
So if you're here for the boys halaqa,
inshallah, just come see me.
And if your parents are already left, we'll
get you right over to the school, inshallah.
So if you're here for the boys high
school halaqa, see the Qur'an hajj, it's
now at the Donlan Elementary School at the
gym, but we'll get you over there, inshallah.
No, no, I'll get you there if you're
okay.
Brother Hanif.
No problem.
Brother Hanif, he's a very trusted brother.
He'll take you over to Donlan.
Okay.
Hanif brother, do you have your car with
you?
Car.
Car.
You have a car with you?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay, good.
So Donlan Elementary School, could you take him
over there?
Because the halaqa's over there tonight and his
parents are already left.
Hold on.
Is there anybody else I can take you
to?
I just made an announcement.
Let me just make sure.
I just made an announcement.
I'll just take him.
Don't worry.
You don't have to worry about your parents,
but call your parents and tell them they'll
pick up from there.
Do you have access to them?
Let's say you're going to get a ride
over there.
So Donlan Elementary, 4150 Thornton.
It's five minutes from here.
Okay.
All right.
Again, if you're here for the boys halaqa,
we're going to have a shuttle go over
there, inshallah.
So just come to see me if you're
here for the boys halaqa because now it's
at Donlan Elementary School, which is five minutes
from here.
Jazakallah khair.
I think you're the one.
Thank you so much.
So we're going, okay?
Yeah.
Thank you so much, Hanifai.
Okay.
So you want to let your dad know
to drop you off?
Okay.
Sounds good.
No problem.
And we're there permanently from now on.
Thank you, Hanifai.
It's there.
It's there.
You're going to be at the gym area.
So if you check the email, there's a
phone number of Qur'an Hajj.
Okay, they're there now.
Okay, let me give you Qur'an Hajj's
phone number.
Do you have your phone with you?
Okay, that's okay.
Let me text you.
Yeah, hold on a sec.
Are you here for the halaqa?
Yeah.
Okay.
Okay.
Hanifai?
I'm going to get you a ride over
there.
Oh, okay.
Never mind.
Do you have room in your car for
one more boy?
Okay.
Can you go with her then?
Yeah.
Okay.
Just go with her.
What's your phone number, sister?
Isra?
Yeah.
Okay.
All right.
I just sent you Qur'an Hajj's number.
So call him when you get there, Inshallah.
All right.
Thank you.
We're good.
We're good.
Okay, Nisa team, if you want to come
up here, please.
I go to her house all the time.
She's my buddy.
Fake support?
Fake support.
Fake support.
That's what you should have said.
No, I'm kidding.
Yes.
No.
She's not going to support you.
Nice to meet you.
Thanks for the work you do.
Oh, you are?
You're a nickel-dimer?
Yes.
Okay, good.
Should we get started?
People are waiting online.
We have hundreds, thousands.
No, dozens.
Okay.
I haven't gone live yet.
So I'm waiting.
I'm waiting for you, Isra.
Okay.
Okay, so what are we doing?
How are we going to do?
I have the deck here.
I'll just change your slides whenever you tell
me to.
And we're waiting for Imam Taha to arrive.
He'll be here at 7 o'clock.
Okay, so why don't you get started and
do your presentation until then.
Okay.
All right, so you want to mic up,
sister?
Yeah, I was going to.
All right.
So Imam Taha will be getting here shortly,
Inshallah.
Brothers and sisters, if you want to make
your way inside.
We're going to start with a presentation from
sister Samara.
Who's going to be talking about Nisa.
Which has been around since 2002.
And they do great work here.
We work very closely with them.
So head on over, Inshallah.
If you need to head over to your
respective halaqas, please head over to your halaqas
now.
Sisters, Dr. Rani's halaqa is breaking tonight and
joining this program.
So we will be live streaming on this
program as well.
So please, from the conference room, head over
to the prayer hall, Inshallah.
Again, with dinner, we will have dinner after
the program, Inshallah.
So just pick up your meal ticket in
the lobby there.
It's a free dinner.
And it's sponsored by MCC and the San
Ramon Valley Islamic Center.
We'll get started here momentarily.
If you hear my voice, start heading into
the prayer hall, Inshallah.
Jazakallah khair.
You have to turn it on.
Yes.
Hello.
Yeah, I'll take care of live streaming.
All right.
Wonderful.
As-salamu alaykum.
Yeah, I will take that.
That's more comfortable to me.
Hello.
I thought you had it on.
Okay.
Yeah.
All right, brothers and sisters, we're getting started
here.
Please head into the prayer hall.
My name is Samera Siddihi, and I am
a NISA volunteer.
I manage the transition home and NISA home
shelter.
I look for the client's needs there.
So I am here today to give you
a brief presentation about NISA and to bring
awareness to domestic violence issue in our community.
So the objective of NISA is to promote
domestic harmony through Islamic values.
Education, prevention, and peaceful intervention.
So domestic violence and emotional abuse are behaviors
used by one person in a relationship to
take control.
Domestic violence occurs when there is a power
imbalance in relationships.
Violence can be criminal, include physical assault, like
hitting, shoving, pushing, sexual abuse, and stalking.
Although emotional and psychological and financial abuse and
nowadays social media abuse are not criminal behaviors,
but they can lead to criminal violence.
So some DV statistics in the U.S.
According to CDC, 41% of women and
26% of men have experienced intimate partner
violence in their lifetime.
This includes physical violence, sexual violence, or stalking.
Nearly 3 in 10 women and 1 in
10 men in the U.S. have experienced
physical violence or stalking.
1 in 4 children witnessed intimate partner violence
in the state.
In 2000, Women Against Family Abuse reported that
the rate of domestic violence in Muslim community
is about as same as in general population.
About 80%.
It tends to, however, be more hidden.
And October is Domestic Violence Month, hence we
are here to provide you awareness about that.
DV in Muslim community in North America.
Domestic violence relies for the Muslim community in
North America are generally influenced by the percentage
of immigrants all over the world.
With their unique dynamics that exist within each
ethnic and cultural community.
Immigrant women often feel trapped in abusive relationships
because of immigration laws, language barriers, social isolation,
and lack of financial resources.
Immigrant women often come from cultures that accept
domestic violence or because they have less access
to legal and social services in U.S.
cities.
Battered immigrant women are less likely to have
certified interpreter in court when reporting complaints to
the police or 911 operator.
Or even when seeking information about the rights
and the legal system.
Facts and figures about DV violence in Muslim
community are not as up to date as
we would hope.
So we wish we didn't have to, but
due to community need and due to this
issue in our community, in 2002, NISA was
founded.
The object was to have a safe haven
for the women and children where they not
only feel safe, but they learn how to
be independent.
In 2003, Healthline was launched.
So we do have an 800 number where
clients can call 9 to 7, 7 days
a week.
And after hours, they can leave a Wexman
message.
Their calls are being answered by trained advocates
and they take the calls and they start
the healing process as the call is taken.
They guide the clients about resources, safety planning,
and what the next step should be if
they are in a dangerous situation.
In 2004, outreach community started.
2009, our shelter become operational and we started
to host clients in our own shelter.
2019, we purchased a transition home where we
can have clients long term until they are
ready to go out of the world being
an independent person.
2020, transition home was operational and 2021, due
to the need of our clients, we hired
staff.
So in this 20 years, you can see
from 2022 to today, NISA has grown.
Again, this is something that we wish we
didn't, but because of the issues still going
on, it's growing and the needs of the
clients are increasing.
So some of the services that we provide
are one, the biggest one for us is
the Helpline, the 800 number.
Case management.
So from the time the clients come to
us, we have a dedicated advocate helping them
out through the whole process, not only supporting
them with their case management, but also guiding
them and providing them tools to become independent,
to gain back their self-esteem.
We have legal assistance.
We provide them legal assistance.
We guide them and connect them to lawyers.
We have that emergency shelter and transition home
where they can live with their children in
most of the cases in a peaceful, safe
environment.
We do provide them financial assistance.
Sometimes we have clients who just have the
clothes that they are wearing.
They have nothing with them when they come
to us.
So we give them everything that they needed
and then provide them financial assistance until they
are ready to be on their own.
Translation services.
So based on our community with different ethnic
backgrounds, we have advocates who can speak multiple
languages.
Mental health.
DV abuse is a big emotional and psychological
issue.
It impacts not only the victim, but also
the children.
So we do provide mental health services to
them.
And then self-development.
Our mission is not only to provide them
a safe place.
Our mission is to make them empowered, make
them independent, so they can go out in
the world and live.
Next one.
So some of the assistance that we have
provided to our clients at both Nisa Home
and Transition Home are monthly groceries that include
meat and produce, guest gift cards, personal care
and toiletries.
As I mentioned, they come with nothing sometimes.
During Ramadan, we give them Ramadan groceries, Friday
iftars, new Eid clothes.
So we try to have our clients and
their kids as normal of an environment as
they can, keeping with their dignity and honor
intact.
We give them Eid gift cards so they
can buy whatever they like for their kids
or for themselves.
We do Eid celebrations for our clients.
The board joins us on our Eid dinners.
We give toys for the kids, blankets and
winter clothes.
During school session, we provide them with backpacks
and school supplies, school clothes and shoes.
Some clients, when they come, they don't know
how to drive.
So we do have Uber rides for them
or guide them to take driving classes so
they can be independent when they are looking
for jobs.
The clients that are, once the whole process
is done and they are ready to move
out, we do help them setting up their
homes with furniture and home goods.
Some clients come to us with infants or
little children, so we supply formulas and diapers
to them.
And then, again, like I said, we try
to make their stay as pleasant as we
can, based on the stressful situation that they
are going through in their life.
We do summer picnics and some outings for
them.
Next slide.
So clients that we have supported in the
past few years.
In 2022, we have 9 clients with 7
kids.
In 2023, 11 clients with 6 kids.
And in 2024, 6 clients with 10 kids
in our emergency shelter.
Then in our transition home, we had 6
adults with 8 kids, 6 adults with 5
kids, and in 2024, 9 adults with 11
kids.
So pretty full house at both places.
Next slide.
And then we received 380 calls on our
helpline in 2023, 474 calls in 2024.
So that's 1.3 calls every day.
Next slide.
So there are some misconceptions about domestic violence.
It does happen in religious families.
It does happen to educated people.
It not only happens to women.
Men are also the victims.
It's not gender specific.
Both can be perpetrators.
It does happen to women in all grades
and standards.
Working women, educated women, rich women.
There is no distinction.
It does not always include physical violence.
Emotional abuse, financial abuse, spiritual abuse is also
very prominent.
The victim is never the provoker.
And drugs and alcohol are not always the
case.
And most of the victims believe that the
U.S. legal system does support the immigrant
victims.
They don't have to be a citizen to
use those services.
Some of the warning signs that you can
look into the victims are that they might
be physical signs.
You can see bruises and stuff.
Or when the abuser or partner is close,
they seem to be afraid.
They act differently in front of the abuser.
And they are very different when that person
is not in front of them.
Or they cannot make their own decisions because
they never had that opportunity to make decisions.
So they will not make even a simple
decision.
They have no control on financial decisions.
They are very apologetic or meek because they
are always afraid that if they did something
wrong, they will have some kind of a
response back in physical abuse or verbal abuse.
They have very low self-esteem.
They are depressed and fearful.
They seem detached and dissociated.
They will not join gatherings or events or
parties.
So these are some signs that you can
kind of detect who is going through DV
violence.
So how you can get involved?
One, share about NISA with your family and
friends.
So thank you, MCC, for inviting us to
bring awareness.
You can donate professional services.
We are always looking for lawyers, doctors, therapists.
So if you have those qualifications, please do
join us.
Become a volunteer.
You can help us with different things.
Reach out to us and then we will
tell you how you can help us.
Invite NISA to present in your home and
masjid like we are here today.
Attend and publicize NISA events.
So if you are not aware, next week,
Sunday, October 13, there is a NISA fundraising
and annual banquet at Chandni.
So make sure that you buy the tickets
and join us.
Donate.
Your contributions are 100% tax deductible.
NISA is a 501c charity.
So you can claim the donations.
And we are not only looking for monetary
donations.
As I mentioned in my previous slide, you
can give us gift cards.
Those are more than welcome for stores like
Wal-Mart, Target, Food Max, Uber rides, Amazon,
any of those things that helps us to
provide those to clients and they can buy
whatever they need.
And then add NISA to your will or
state planning if you can.
So this slide will introduce some of our
board members that are supporting NISA and making
this organization work.
And also a list of NISA advocates.
And I mentioned that our advocates are trained,
fully trained and certified.
They speak multiple languages.
So we can cater to communities or people
who are not English speaking.
So we have different advocates, some who can
speak Dari, Persian, Urdu.
Next one.
So some of our biggest NISA supporters that
support us on an ongoing basis is Igna
Relief, Salaam Food Pantry, Rewire Community, Baraka Project,
Rahima Foundation and NCC East Bay.
Thank you so much for that.
Okay.
So that's what was my presentation for today.
And I'm here and we have some board
members here.
So if there are any questions that you
would like to ask, you are more than
welcome to ask us about any further clarification
or concern if you have.
Yeah.
Okay.
So the question that come in was what
is the difference between NISA home and transition
home?
So NISA home is a shelter.
It's an emergency shelter.
So when we receive a call that someone
is in a dangerous situation and they need
to leave that right away, we bring them
to the shelter.
So that is most of our clients in
the shelter are in a very different emotional
state.
They were just going through all those trauma.
So we brought them there and start supporting
them.
Transition home is when they pass that stage
and now they are ready to go out
in the world.
So they either they are taking classes or
they already start working, but they still need
some time to be fully on their own.
So transition home is a little bit of
a longer stay for them so they can
stay to be prepared to go out by
themselves.
We still support them, but not as close
monitoring as we do to the clients in
the shelter.
Yeah.
And just as Sister Sarira said, the transition
home is actually made up of multiple units,
separate units.
It's like a little apartment complex.
So each client, domestic violence victim, has their
own unit.
So they're self-sufficient.
They're cooking for themselves.
They're paying their electricity bills.
They're taking out their garbage.
Whereas the house is a communal living where
food is provided.
Those amenities are provided.
So the idea is that they're learning to
be independent as if they're living in their
own apartment and responsible and have those obligations.
So which better equips them to be independent.
As-salamu alaykum.
Actually I have two questions.
The first question is, is this only for
the Muslim brothers and sisters or is it
open to everyone?
Not a good thing where we are growing
their different needs.
So we are looking into having a homeless
shelter, but that's our future.
Go planning.
My second question about the legal immigrant help.
One of my community sisters, I came to
you maybe a few years back where her
husband hold the passport.
She won't go back.
So we went through a lot of hassle.
So do you help any kind of those
immigrant kind of thing?
Yes, thank you.
As-salamu alaykum.
Thank you for the question.
Just so you generally know about NISA, we
are a good resource to kind of direct
you in the direction for legal services or
therapy.
But we as an organization don't necessarily provide
legal services.
You know, that is really kind of what
we really appreciate about MCC and our partners.
What we do, people will come to us
and they'll say, you know, we are interested
in meeting with a lawyer or meeting a
therapist in this area and we'll direct you
in those.
We don't necessarily have in-house lawyers or
therapists who would work with someone directly.
Any more questions from anyone?
Yeah.
Good question.
So yes, we do work with our sister
organizations around the Bay Area.
So there is Narika, there is Maitri, there
is SAVE, there is Family Justice System in
Dublin, there is Arab Services for Women.
So sometimes they are providing some services or
workshops that we all kind of collaborate with
each other.
And we do send our sisters to those
workshops, either it's financial or job related or
resume making or how to search for homes.
So we all, all of us work together
for the sisters or for the clients.
Okay, we have a question online.
It says, you mentioned men are also abused,
where do you house them is the question
from online.
We don't have actually space for men in
our facilities.
But you know, when people come to us,
we are very resourceful in that we try
to find spaces for them.
You know, we, Narika, they have an emergency
motel program where they'll put someone up for
a few days.
And during that time, you'll be surprised at
how many 10, 15 people within our organization
are calling people to see how we can
house them.
So we don't house men in the transitional
home or the, or the shelter.
Yeah.
affiliates, therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, that are available to
us, mostly on a volunteer basis.
So we make sure that the not only
are they taken care of financially and physically,
that their mental health and well being is
taken care of.
So I have two parts question.
The first being, I was just reading the
title, it says North American Islamic shelter for
the abused.
So assuming it's not just limited to women
and children, but go beyond that.
And men decide.
So is elder abuse part of this, the
service that you provide?
Sorry, if I didn't, if I missed that
part.
So currently, given our resources, we're, you know,
pretty much catering towards women.
And unfortunately, we have a huge client list
that we're serving.
But moving forward, and just to also reiterate,
we never turn a victim away, a female
victim, whatever ethnicity or denomination she is, we
will make sure we'll take her in.
We tend to cater to, to the Muslim
community, because they know us, they see us
in the mosques.
So those are more of the calls that
we get in for help.
But until in terms of elder abuse, it
is a conversation that we're having, we, we
see it in our community.
And moving forward, it's, it's an aspiration that
we're working, we have had a conversation on
the board about how do we address elder
issue, and also domestic violence with men, it's
happening, certainly.
And this is, we're hoping that these kind
of conversations in the masjids will help us,
you know, move in that direction and raise
funds and so that we can do services
for others, for other members of our community.
We have helped, we have helped someone who
has experienced elder abuse before, though.
So that, people do come with us, excuse
me, come to us with that.
And like I said, if, if the person
who is coming to us doesn't kind of
fit into the criteria of our shelter or
transitional home, we have amazing resources in the
community that we reach out to.
I mean, when I, I've been tabling today,
so I've had a chance to see a
lot of you back there.
And, you know, I've had three, four people
come up to me, and right away I
was able to say, okay, can you please
get in touch with them, they need this
service.
And, and, and MCC has also been really
great about that.
So that's just something to keep in mind.
You know, if they don't necessarily fit into
the criteria of what we do, we have
a great way to direct them towards someone
that can help.
Jeff.
Oh, I'm so sorry.
So the second part of my question is,
the services are provided from a reactive basis.
So that is, if somebody goes through that
unfortunate incident or experience, then you, that is
where Nisa comes in and helps the services.
But how do we prevent such abuse to
take place?
How do we educate people so that they
don't get into this situation at all?
Great question.
So, so these events and these awareness is
something that, that we try to do to
bring to that.
And then I think the next lecture is
about that also.
That's right.
So that is a big part of our
goal.
You know, it's not so much, you know,
let's deal with it once it happens, but
a lot of education about what healthy relationships
are.
Like you just mentioned, we, uh, we hosted
a marriage seminar where we had a therapist
come from Southern California and they hosted an
entire weekend of people who were in marriages
that just were normal marriages and part of
this, you know, different parts of the spectrum
and they came and it was really to
work on their relationships.
It wasn't necessarily to heal any abuse that
had happened.
So we, we do try to kind of
really be out there, promote healthy relationships, educate.
Imam Tahir is going to do exactly that
today, kind of tell you.
And, and many of you, I'm sure heard
that today during the khutbah, just really kind
of talk about what a healthy relationship is.
So.
Yes.
As Sister Manohar mentioned, we do, we have
had several preventative lectures and, and, um, uh,
workshops, uh, where we address exactly this, you
know, how do you prevent domestic violence?
What, what are the factors that lead to
domestic violence?
Um, and to address those before the incident
actually occurs.
Um, and that's all about family harmony and,
and unity.
And, um, we definitely, uh, approach that in
a very aggressive way.
Yeah.
Or just find examples of modeling what healthy
relationships would look like in our different programs.
So when somebody comes to, when somebody comes
to you guys, um, and says, you know,
I've been, uh, you know, been abused or
whatnot.
Do you guys bring the man into the
involved and try to like mediate between the
two at all?
Or you guys just take it and just.
Yeah.
You know, it's sort of like an emergency
sort of type situation.
So you obviously want to have the victim
safe.
And so, uh, we will make arrangements to
bring the victim and her children, if there
are children, to a safe house.
Um, we won't engage, you know, our, our
concern is, um, stabilizing the victim, making sure
they're okay.
Um, if there are issues, obviously it's anonymous
and it's confidential.
The husband or the partner is not, you
know, told where the victim is for safety
reasons.
Um, and that's what we do.
If the victim decides she wants to go
through disillusion of marriage or divorce proceedings, um,
we will get an attorney involved, um, who
would deal with the partner.
We, we do not directly, um, uh, engage
the abuser.
And Samara can add to this because she
works really closely with clients, but we, we
can't really even advise the victim.
You know, they come to us, tell us
their circumstances and, you know, we, we couldn't
reach out to her husband and say he
should do or do that.
I wouldn't say last resort, but I would
say, um, people come to us when, uh,
yeah, last resort or their options are limited.
And so, you know, um, but I know
that Nadia is also, she had been talking,
I don't know where she is, about, um,
oh, sure.
Assalamualaikum.
So I think people should know that even
when we get a phone call on the
hotline, we don't ever decide for them or
give them advice on leaving their home.
Uh, we only share with them, uh, resources
and what we can do and how we
can help them.
Ultimately, the decision has to be theirs and
that's actually a legal requirement, if I'm not
mistaken.
Yes.
Yeah.
So, let alone the husband or the partner,
we, we can't even advise the actual victim
to, you know, take any specific steps.
But, uh, Nadia, maybe, uh, when you have
a chance, you can talk about, um, an
organization to help, um, the, the male partner
in these relationships, if you want to touch
on it for a minute.
So, um, in Oakland, there is a restorative
justice organization called Men Creating Peace.
It is really an organization where they provide,
um, therapy and intervention services to men who
struggles with impulse control.
Like, for example, if you find that you,
you struggle with, um, holding back your temper
or you, you, uh, you, you tend to
use harsh words, um, you can contact them
and they do have, uh, sessions for men
like that as well to cope with your...
So, the whole idea is to, to work
on not getting you to the stage where,
um, the family breaks up, really.
The idea is to do preventive measures or
to even do restorative measures so that we
restore the family harmony.
And that's the goal of that organization.
This is just a prime example of a
resource that we would direct someone to if
they needed that help.
Okay, I think we're gonna, um, you're gonna
introduce our next speaker.
Thank you.
So, uh, there's no introduction needed, really, but
he is a mentor of mine, Imam Tahir
Mashallah.
Uh, he used to be, uh, the religious
director here and, uh, he's a familiar face
at, uh, he's walking over so I don't
talk too much, uh, a familiar face at
SBIA and he's, uh, at NISA, he is
the board chair.
So, I'll hand it over to Imam Tahir.
Thank you.
Subhanahu wa ta'ala is his last and
final messenger.
We ask Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala to
grant us harmony in our relationship with Allah
subhanahu wa ta'ala and harmony in our
relationships with each other.
Ameen, ya rabbal alameen.
Um, you see, Munir has this problem, he
likes to put everything on video and so
I can't be off the cuff.
You know, there's stuff I say that's completely
off the record but Munir likes for everything
to be on the record so he already
apologized so I don't, that was my way
of hoping he would say we can turn
the camera off but of course he said
sorry so there he goes.
It's okay Munir, keep it going.
May Allah bless you.
Um, let me, uh, maybe take us, take
us back a little in history and I
haven't been around that long but long enough.
Um, there were a, there were a group
of sisters in the community, well let me
kind of go, when there was a woman
that happened to be abused.
Um, you'd get a phone call at the
masjid.
That's, this is literally, and the masjids were
very far and few in between.
You had like three or four masjids.
There was no San Ramon, there was no
MCC, maybe MCA, SBIA, just a few masjids.
You'd get a phone call at the office
and you really didn't know what to do.
Let's just be very, very honest.
And for the longest time, historically, um, there
were a few elderly aunties in the community,
may Allah give them all long and healthy
lives, um, who would quite literally just kind
of take them in.
And these were very, very, very dire situations.
Okay, I just want to share a little
bit of history here.
These were very, very dire situations.
We're talking about, um, a mother with a
newborn child left on the street in the
middle of the night.
Okay, and this is not once, this is
like multiple times.
It's happened, you know, it's enough, just really
dire situations.
And that's when a group of individuals in
our community, um, Sabiha auntie, Rafia auntie, Dr.
Rajab Ali, Manzoor uncle, and others kind of
came together, um, and said, hey, we need
to do something about this.
And the first thing that they did was
establish the organization, but then establish the hotline.
There's at least a place for you to
call and find a resource.
Uh, and I remember in the initial days,
um, I was not on the board then,
but I remember in the initial days, we
had no, none of our own resources.
So when we came across a sister, we
had just collected enough money as an organization
to put them up in motels, quite literally.
We'd keep them in motels for days and
weeks on end.
And then, of course, in 2008, for those
of you that have been here long enough,
the real estate downturn, and then we were
able to purchase our, uh, first, uh, shelter.
Um, while I've heard, you know, some very,
very awesome and valid questions, um, you know,
are there resources for brothers?
Currently, we as an organization don't have the
capacity to do that, though that is something
that we are actively working on.
Um, and we've been talking about this for
a few years, just for the record.
And so that being said, um, you know,
you, you had, it's, it's just some of
these sisters just went through so much difficulty.
And so, of course, we got the shelter
and then the transition home and so on
and so forth.
So I hope people kind of understand that
it's not that we do not want to
be in the business of serving the brothers.
It's just that, um, sisters, now you also
have to keep in mind there's two kinds
of sisters.
The sisters who are born and raised here,
who have family here, they're not calling us.
They're going straight to mom and dad's house.
Okay, I hope you understand this.
I'm just trying to give a little bit
of context to everyone.
Uh, a sister born, raised here, has family
here, cousin here, relative here, she's not coming
to the shelter.
She's going straight to mom's house.
So we don't even get to see that.
It's the sister, generally, not all the time,
but generally, who happens to be an immigrant.
You know, translation services are such a big
deal for us.
Correct me if I'm wrong.
Yeah, I'm not directly involved with the day
-to-day operations of the shelter, but translation
is a really big deal for us because
so many times we'll have sisters who we
can't even communicate with.
Um, because they don't know a word of
English, and many of them don't speak Urdu,
they don't speak Arabic, you know, just various
different things.
So there's a lot of challenges, and you
also have to understand that many, not all,
many of the sisters that do come to
us, um, uh, no bank accounts, no ID,
like, they don't have some of the most
basic things.
Um, and so that's where we kind of
come in.
So we are very much an emergency shelter,
um, because real estate in the Bay Area
is so expensive that when it's time for
them to leave our shelter in 90 days,
they have nowhere to go.
It's very, very expensive.
Now, we've had offers from people that we
can give you a home in Sacramento or
buy you a duplex or a triplex in
Sacramento, but it doesn't work for us.
And one of the reasons why it doesn't
work for us is because some of these
women have children and they're in custody, so
they have to be in the same county.
They have to be in the same, I
hope you understand some of the, some of
these situations.
Uh, they have to be in the same
county while they're going through some of this.
That's where the transition home sort of came
in, and so there's a lot of active
work that goes on in the background.
Um, but Khair, I hope that answers that
question, because I know brothers have a genuine
concern as to, now, now, I'm not saying,
you know, this is online, people will take
so many things out of context.
I just hate this whole online thing.
I'm, I'm saying it again, I just hate
being online, period.
And anyone that attends my Thursday night classes,
you know that I just delete every, once
the classes are over, I delete everything.
That's okay, Huma Rabban, that's okay, Chorna.
No, no, it's okay.
Um, we talk about, you know, it's so
much, it's difficult for a brother to sleep
in his car in a masjid parking lot
if he had to leave the house and
had no other resources.
But it's impossible for a woman to sleep
in her car.
I hope you understand the difference.
I'm just trying to let the brothers know
that it's not like we don't understand and
we're not, you know, we don't understand the
plight of abused brothers.
But it's just that the situation with Muslim
sisters sometimes is just so much more difficult.
Right, it's just so much more difficult.
And that's where we kind of come in.
I would hope and pray inshallah that someday
we have resources where we can serve entire
families.
You know, we can serve the brothers, we
can serve the elders, we can serve, you
know, foster children.
I would hope that we had services for
foster children because that's also a growing concern
in our community where parents are no longer,
can't be with their kids and so on
and so forth.
May Allah bless all of us.
That's not what I wanted to talk about.
Muneer, did you turn it off?
Thank you so much.
Jazakallah khair.
Thank you so much.
See, now I can say what I want
to without being in trouble.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm a human.
I make mistakes.
I make mistakes.
And some of us come from cultures where
if you make a mistake...