Suzy Ismail – #27 AsSami

			Salam Alaikum, it's nice to see
you all again as we continue to
		

			discuss how we can bring the
divine into the daily by
		

			understanding the characteristics
of Allah subhanaw taala and
		

			incorporating those
characteristics into our lives. So
		

			the name that we're going to
discuss today is SM er, which
		

			means we're all hearing.
		

			When we think about hearing and
listening, that's one of the
		

			topics that often comes up quite
frequently in terms of
		

			communication and miscommunication
in the marital relationship. Many
		

			times when we are speaking to our
spouse, we may choose to hear what
		

			we perceive, rather than to really
listen and understand what is
		

			being said. So for example, if we
have already formulated an opinion
		

			that our spouse is selfish, or our
spouse is arrogant, or our spouse
		

			is not supportive, then at moments
when our spouse may be expressing
		

			a certain emotion may be going
through a difficult day, maybe
		

			having a hardship, our reaction
may be to project upon our spouse,
		

			what we already perceive of them,
rather than really listening to
		

			what the person has to say. Thus,
everything that comes out of the
		

			spouse's mouth in that moment will
be seen as proving that this
		

			person is selfish, or proving this
person is not supportive or
		

			proving that this person doesn't
care or is arrogant. And so we
		

			wind up hearing what we want to
hear, rather than really listening
		

			to what is being sent. We often do
the same thing with our children,
		

			where we may hear their noise,
their words, but because we've
		

			already anticipated that they are
saying the wrong things, or
		

			they're going down the wrong path.
We've concluded that we don't need
		

			to listen until we hear the noise,
but we don't listen to the words.
		

			And we'll see this often when our
children are younger, and they
		

			enter into our car maybe after
picking them up from school. And
		

			they have so much that they want
to say, but we hear it as noise
		

			rather than listening to the
emotion that may be behind it. And
		

			again, when we shift back to the
spouse, often times when someone
		

			is seeking out empathy, when the
words that they're saying are
		

			simply a call for a reaction, like
a hug, or a pat on the shoulder,
		

			or a pat on the back, and we hear
it instead as a complaint we hear
		

			instead, as whining or as
disagreement than our reaction to
		

			that person is also going to be
negative. So I pray that Allah
		

			subhanaw taala is Semia allows us
to become better at hearing what
		

			needs to be heard, and listening
to the words not just forming our
		

			own conclusions, or judging based
on our perceptions. Just a common
		

			law here and I look forward to our
next episode, as we continue to
		

			bring the divine into the daily
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