Suleiman Hani – Overcoming Helplessness

Suleiman Hani
AI: Summary ©
The conversation discusses the importance of actions and actions in life, including avoiding regret and finding one's way out of difficult situations. The speakers emphasize the need for helping others, creating a positive life, and rethinking one's experiences to create a positive life. The transcript uses a story of a desert woman and her child, Hassim Al Qaeda, to illustrate the importance of rethinking one's experiences and creating a positive life.
AI: Transcript ©
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Oftentimes, it may feel like the world is

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burning.

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It may feel like everything is bad.

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It may feel like there's no hope left

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in the world.

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Oftentimes, people express a sentiment of helplessness.

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There's nothing left to do.

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Or a sense of being demoralized.

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I cannot possibly try again.

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And there's this concept within psychology of learned

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helplessness.

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And this particular phrase, this particular concept refers

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to a situation where someone has tried repeatedly

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or experienced difficulty to change a situation, but

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they've given up.

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They feel like there's no hope anymore.

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There's no point of trying.

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Although in this particular case, there's something they

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can do to change their circumstances.

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What are examples?

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Students.

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A student takes an exam once, twice, thrice,

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and they keep failing a class or struggling

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with concepts.

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And so they decide, you know what?

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This is not for me.

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I can't do it.

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Are there other avenues?

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Is there tutoring?

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Is there something you could do?

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Could you try harder?

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Can you learn?

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Can you talk to an expert in this

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area?

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Have you gone to the learning center?

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So sometimes we give up, although technically, there's

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something you can do.

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Someone who struggles with the addiction to smoking.

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And millions of people around the world have

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overcome this addiction, and some thought they never

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could.

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But it's damaging to the body, to the

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heart, to the mind, a cause of death

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and cancer in many different ways.

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And of course, therefore, religiously, we cannot harm

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our body.

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So somebody says, I can't.

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I've tried so many times.

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I'm not like the other addicts.

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For me, it's too difficult.

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I can't do it.

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I tried 100, 200, 700 times.

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One brother said, I can't possibly do it.

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But there are people who tried 1,000

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times, and eventually they succeeded because they kept

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trying.

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Because they tried strategically, they tried something new,

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they tried differently.

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And sometimes we look at these situations around

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the world, and we may express a sentiment

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of hopelessness.

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10 months of genocide.

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How much more does the world need to

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see?

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10 months of protests and awareness.

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What else do you need?

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But also 76 years of occupation.

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But also a history of discrimination in this

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country and violence around the world.

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We are not surprised.

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And so what do we do?

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Let's look to just some brief chapters of

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the Quran and the sunnah, brief chapters of

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the righteous who came before us, and specifically

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the prophets as well, and those that were

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considered close to Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

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And we can take from every one of

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these a very quick lesson inshallah ta'ala

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that is timeless.

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Number one, you look at the example of

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Maryam alayhi salam.

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And the story we know of Maryam alayhi

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salam with the miraculous pregnancy and eventually the

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birth.

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But just this one specific phrase that was

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said to her, not to be sad, but

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after this, wahuzzi ilayki bi jid'i nakhlati

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tusaqit alayki rutaban janiya.

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There's an emphasis on you taking action, behavioral

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activation if you will.

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Shake the trunk of the palm tree and

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perhaps some ripe fresh dates will fall upon

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you or your way.

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In other words, first ask yourself in any

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situation where you feel you're losing hope, what

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can I do?

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What actions should I be taking?

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What are the things that are pleasing to

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Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala?

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Because there's always something, even if it's dua,

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do not belittle the power of dua.

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The second lesson we take is from the

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story of Yunus alayhi salam in the belly

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of the whale in the depths and the

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darknesses of the ocean.

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You think of the story of Yunus alayhi

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salam and he calls upon Allah subhanahu wa

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ta'ala despite the darkness that he is

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in.

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فَنَادَ فِي الظُّلُمَاتِ You and I might think

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there's no way out.

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You're not only underwater.

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You've not only been swallowed by a whale.

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You're not possibly going to find a way

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to navigate yourself back to a surface and

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find another opportunity at life.

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فَنَادَ فِي الظُّلُمَاتِ He called out in the

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darkness.

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Darknesses, multiple layers.

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أَنْ لَا إِلَهَ إِلَّا أَنْتَ سُبْحَانَكَ إِنِّي كُنتُ

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مِنَ الظَّالِمِينَ There is no God but you,

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O Allah.

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You are perfect, subhanak.

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You are perfect, O Allah, in your wisdom,

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in your decree, in my test.

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You are perfect, O Allah.

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For this thing that I'm losing hope in,

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you are perfect, O Allah, to help me

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get out of my situation.

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إِنِّي كُنتُ مِنَ الظَّالِمِينَ When you say, إِنِّي

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كُنتُ مِنَ الظَّالِمِينَ I have been amongst the

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wrongdoers, I have certainly done wrong.

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We take from the story a number of

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lessons amongst them.

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Sometimes our frustration may cause us to do

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things that we regret later on.

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And we are always reminded to think through

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before you act because there is going to

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be accountability later.

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There might be consequences for the words that

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you speak, for the text that you send,

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for the way you react to your husband,

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to your wife, to your parents, to your

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children, to a Muslim, to a non-Muslim.

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So when you think of this reality, you

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recognize although regret is there, you would rather

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prevent yourself from falling into that mistake.

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So we learn from our mistakes and those

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of others.

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But also with the story of Yunus A

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.S., we learn the importance of self-accountability.

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So you go through a hardship, you might

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feel hopeless or helpless.

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You look at Gaza and Sudan, you might

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feel hopeless or helpless.

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You ask yourself, what is my role in

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this?

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What am I supposed to do to pass

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this test from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala

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if I'm not directly involved?

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But if it is directly about you, is

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there something that I did that could have

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caused this of sinfulness?

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Because oftentimes we want to change the world

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and change our situations, but we don't want

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to change ourselves.

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And Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala commands us

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to look within.

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إِنَّ اللَّهَ لَا يُغَيِّرُ مَا بِقَوْمٍ حَتَّى يُغَيِّرُ

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مَا بِأَنفُسِهِمْ Allah does not change the conditions

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of a people until they change what is

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within themselves.

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Sometimes we want to change everything external to

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us because addressing what is within is more

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uncomfortable.

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It's difficult to recognize and admit where we

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have shortcomings.

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So when we say, لا إله إلا أنت

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سبحانك إني كنت من الظالمين Sometimes we recognize

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it is my sin, let me ask for

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forgiveness.

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And other times we seek forgiveness from Allah

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because generally istighfar leads to solutions.

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It leads to a way out as we

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find in the Quran, in the sunnah.

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Additionally, in the story of Yunus عليه السلام,

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there's a sense of peace you can find

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only when you feel completely helpless in worldly

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terms and you call upon Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ

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تَعَالَى الْجَبَّارُ الْقَوِيِّ You call upon Allah العَزِيز

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You call upon Allah الرَّحْمَان الرَّحِيم When you

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call upon Allah سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى in moments

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like that, you find even more tranquility and

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peace.

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And in addition to this, we recognize this

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particular du'a has been preserved for us.

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And the Prophet صلى الله عليه وسلم mentioned,

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peace be upon him, that the one who

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says this du'a will find relief from

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hardship.

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To paraphrase the narration of al-Tirmidhi, لا

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إله إلا أنت سبحانك إني كنت من الظالمين

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لا إله إلا أنت There's no God but

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you, Allah سُبْحَانَك You are perfect.

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You are perfect.

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Regardless of how difficult this challenge is, regardless

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how difficult the genocide is, regardless of my

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personal challenges, you are perfect, O Allah, in

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your wisdom and in everything else.

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I have been amongst those who do wrong.

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إني كنت من الظالمين You apply this to

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your marriage.

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You apply this to your relationships.

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You apply this to your studies, your job,

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your financial situation, your health, and the situation

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of the ummah, the situation of our brothers

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and sisters.

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لا إله إلا أنت سبحانك إني كنت من

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الظالمين Elsewhere, you look to another lesson in

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the stories of Musa عليه السلام, but just

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one particular scene.

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He's fleeing Egypt to Median.

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He's fleeing persecution.

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And he sees these two sisters, these two

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women who need help.

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And he's already going through what he's going

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through.

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And he decides to help them.

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And then he makes dua.

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And in this moment, there's a really interesting

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additional gem, a benefit if you will that

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many Muslim psychologists have pointed out.

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And many of these lessons are the lessons

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expressed by Muslim psychologists and others.

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And they said, notice this, there's a lot

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of research indicating that when you're going through

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some kind of anguish or helplessness or anxiety

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or even depression, there's been research that finds

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that helping other people is an antidote to

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your own situation, to your own mental state,

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not necessarily the situation itself.

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But also helping others, we know brings about

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a divine barakah, a gift from Allah, a

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blessing that may aid your situation directly too.

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And so sometimes you look at the helplessness

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that people express or the hopelessness that they

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have.

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And you say, you know what, I may

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not right now be able to change my

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situation overnight, but I'm trying.

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In the meantime, you notice somebody else needs

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help, you help.

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And this could be an antidote and also

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a cure for your own situation.

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You learn from the lesson of Hajar Alaihissalam

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in the middle of a desert.

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We were in the bottom of the ocean,

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we were fleeing from Egypt.

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And now we're talking about the desert.

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Hajar Alaihissalam, when she's left there, there's a

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psychological reframing.

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Is this from you or from Allah?

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No, this is from Allah.

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This command, Ibrahim Alaihissalam responds, this command is

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from Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala.

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So there's an entire reframing of what I'm

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going through.

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My challenge, my test is an opportunity.

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So what does she do?

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Does she give up?

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She's in the middle of the desert with

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her baby child, and she decides to search

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for water.

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And she goes back and forth between As

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-Safa and Al-Marwah as we do when

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we go for Umrah and for Hajj, commemorating

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her sacrifices.

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And what do we have from this?

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Not only her own relief and the relief

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for her child, but also for all of

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us as we access and experience Zamzam water

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for the rest of humanity, for the rest

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of time, a reminder.

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Every time you think of Zamzam water or

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drink from it, and you make dua through

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it, every single time you remember this did

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not come about without sacrifice.

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This came about from someone who did not

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give up, from someone who's in the midst

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of a desert.

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They were content with that test and they

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persevered.

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You have to take the first step.

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Had she not taken the first step between

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As-Safa and Al-Marwah back and forth,

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there would not be a second, a third,

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a thousandth step.

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There would not be Zamzam water, there would

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not be relief, there would not be a

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way out.

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And sometimes we give up at that final

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step, the one thousandth mile.

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But perhaps had you taken another mile or

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two, you would have found some change in

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your situation.

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Sometimes we give up and the reality of

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the test of this world is that we

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must endure.

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Zamzam and the story of Hajar A.S.

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is a reminder of not losing hope.

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No matter how difficult your situation is, reframe

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it, psychologically reframe it.

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What would Allah like for me to do

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in this situation?

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How do I persevere?

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How do I keep moving forward?

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You also look at the story of Yusuf

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A.S. and there's a specific lens that

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many scholars and psychologists and others have pointed

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out that's neglected.

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And it's that of advocating for oneself.

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Of all the lessons, we can spend five

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or ten khutbas just on the story of

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Yusuf A.S. But of all the lessons,

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notice two statements in particular.

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Yusuf A.S. tells one of the prisoners,

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the one he interprets the dream for, and

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that man is going to be safe.

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He tells him, don't forget to mention me

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to your master, meaning when you're freed.

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Don't forget that man forgot.

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But he also, when he was freed, he

00:11:12 --> 00:11:15

also told the king, اجعلني على خزائن الارض

00:11:15 --> 00:11:17

Place me as a leader, the one in

00:11:17 --> 00:11:21

charge of basically the storehouses of the land.

00:11:21 --> 00:11:24

And he says, اني حفيظ عليم I am

00:11:24 --> 00:11:26

trustworthy, honest, and knowledgeable.

00:11:27 --> 00:11:29

Rarely do you find in any Islamic source

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text, Qur'an, Sunnah and other, do you

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find someone requesting, commanding, demanding a position of

00:11:36 --> 00:11:36

authority.

00:11:36 --> 00:11:38

Because generally, it's not a good sign for

00:11:38 --> 00:11:39

someone to want power.

00:11:40 --> 00:11:41

But in this case, there are many reasons

00:11:41 --> 00:11:41

for it.

00:11:41 --> 00:11:43

Yusuf A.S. is qualified.

00:11:43 --> 00:11:44

He's also a prophet.

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Perhaps it was a command for him to

00:11:45 --> 00:11:46

do so.

00:11:46 --> 00:11:48

He's qualified for the position that others might

00:11:48 --> 00:11:49

cause harm in.

00:11:49 --> 00:11:51

And so sometimes you actually have to step

00:11:51 --> 00:11:53

up to the plate to volunteer to support.

00:11:54 --> 00:11:56

Yusuf A.S. did not allow a feeling

00:11:56 --> 00:11:59

of helplessness in prison to consume him.

00:11:59 --> 00:12:01

He was thrown into the well, betrayed by

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his own brothers.

00:12:03 --> 00:12:05

You would think emotionally that someone might feel

00:12:05 --> 00:12:06

I have no self-worth.

00:12:07 --> 00:12:09

And this brings us to a very important

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reminder that when you're connected to Allah, you

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find your self-worth through Him.

00:12:14 --> 00:12:16

When you're really connected to Allah, you find

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that people don't give you your value.

00:12:18 --> 00:12:20

You have value inherently as a believer.

00:12:20 --> 00:12:24

But also distinguish your circumstances, the things outside

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of your control, from your choices.

00:12:27 --> 00:12:29

You cannot control the things that happen to

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you in life, but you can control what

00:12:30 --> 00:12:30

you do.

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And that is the test of life.

00:12:33 --> 00:12:34

We may not like it, but that is

00:12:34 --> 00:12:35

the test of the dunya.

00:12:35 --> 00:12:37

It is a type of prison.

00:12:37 --> 00:12:40

It's a limited time, opportunity, a challenge.

00:12:40 --> 00:12:42

But the reward for the one who perseveres

00:12:42 --> 00:12:42

is great.

00:12:43 --> 00:12:44

The reward is that which is eternal.

00:12:44 --> 00:12:46

Yusuf A.S. did not give up.

00:12:46 --> 00:12:49

And also after being powerless for so long

00:12:49 --> 00:12:51

in prison, he's connected to Allah subhanahu wa

00:12:51 --> 00:12:51

ta'ala.

00:12:52 --> 00:12:53

What does he do to the people that

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caused all of this as a catalyst, his

00:12:55 --> 00:12:55

own brothers?

00:12:56 --> 00:12:56

He forgave them.

00:12:57 --> 00:12:58

Which is a very difficult thing to do.

00:12:59 --> 00:13:00

Because you think about some of the worst

00:13:00 --> 00:13:02

forms of oppression, you wonder how would I

00:13:02 --> 00:13:02

respond?

00:13:03 --> 00:13:06

But as some psychologists have pointed out, part

00:13:06 --> 00:13:10

of navigating your own feeling of powerlessness is

00:13:10 --> 00:13:11

to think about what you would do if

00:13:11 --> 00:13:13

this condition was alleviated.

00:13:13 --> 00:13:15

What would you do to the people who

00:13:15 --> 00:13:16

caused this?

00:13:16 --> 00:13:18

And of course as difficult as it is,

00:13:18 --> 00:13:21

you look historically to the Muslims at the

00:13:21 --> 00:13:22

time of the crusaders in 1099.

00:13:23 --> 00:13:25

When they butchered the Jews and the Muslims

00:13:25 --> 00:13:26

in Al-Aqsa in Jerusalem.

00:13:27 --> 00:13:29

And they took over that land for 88

00:13:29 --> 00:13:29

years.

00:13:30 --> 00:13:33

They didn't treat Muslims and Jews properly for

00:13:33 --> 00:13:34

the next 88 years.

00:13:34 --> 00:13:36

No, they were looking to conquer as many

00:13:36 --> 00:13:38

lands as possible and especially Al-Aqsa.

00:13:40 --> 00:13:42

And when Salahuddin Ayyubi rahimallah and many others

00:13:42 --> 00:13:44

that Allah subhanahu wa ta'ala utilized to

00:13:44 --> 00:13:46

pave the path to liberation for Al-Aqsa,

00:13:46 --> 00:13:47

May Allah allow us to see a free

00:13:47 --> 00:13:49

Al-Aqsa and a free Muslim land in

00:13:49 --> 00:13:50

every place around the world.

00:13:50 --> 00:13:50

Allahumma ameen.

00:13:51 --> 00:13:55

Notice this and remember, people historically documented, the

00:13:55 --> 00:13:58

Christians were the first to document the way

00:13:58 --> 00:14:00

that Salahuddin treated the very people who caused

00:14:00 --> 00:14:01

that oppression.

00:14:02 --> 00:14:04

He allowed them, those who wanted safe passage

00:14:04 --> 00:14:04

to leave.

00:14:05 --> 00:14:07

Which is a very difficult thing to think

00:14:07 --> 00:14:07

about.

00:14:08 --> 00:14:10

Salahuddin Ayyubi rahimallah was following the footsteps of

00:14:10 --> 00:14:12

the one who liberated it before, Umar radiallahu

00:14:12 --> 00:14:15

anhu, who was learning from Rasulullah sallallahu alayhi

00:14:15 --> 00:14:16

wasallam.

00:14:16 --> 00:14:18

The Muslims do not stoop to the level

00:14:18 --> 00:14:18

of the crusaders.

00:14:19 --> 00:14:21

The Muslims do not stoop to the level

00:14:21 --> 00:14:22

of the Zionists of today.

00:14:23 --> 00:14:26

They could be the most barbaric, disgusting, deplorable

00:14:26 --> 00:14:29

human beings, committing some of the worst crimes

00:14:29 --> 00:14:32

that have been documented, live-streamed, that no

00:14:32 --> 00:14:35

one can deny, that any conscious, sincere person

00:14:35 --> 00:14:36

would not deny.

00:14:37 --> 00:14:39

Just like the politicians who applaud them, who

00:14:39 --> 00:14:41

welcome them, who smile at them.

00:14:41 --> 00:14:44

The soldiers who * and torture, the soldiers

00:14:44 --> 00:14:46

who kill and mock and mutilate and abuse

00:14:46 --> 00:14:49

men and women, young and old, boys and

00:14:49 --> 00:14:49

girls.

00:14:49 --> 00:14:51

They don't care, even animals, they have killed

00:14:51 --> 00:14:52

mercilessly.

00:14:53 --> 00:14:56

You look at this situation, you say, although

00:14:56 --> 00:14:58

they don't care, they have no standards, and

00:14:58 --> 00:15:00

they want to be pathological, not just as

00:15:00 --> 00:15:02

liars, but as abusers and terrorists and war

00:15:02 --> 00:15:03

criminals.

00:15:03 --> 00:15:05

We do not learn from them.

00:15:05 --> 00:15:06

They are not our teachers.

00:15:07 --> 00:15:08

They are not our standard.

00:15:09 --> 00:15:10

So they deserve the worst of punishments.

00:15:11 --> 00:15:12

They deserve what's coming to them.

00:15:12 --> 00:15:14

They deserve whatever happens to them.

00:15:14 --> 00:15:17

And they deserve the punishment of the afterlife.

00:15:17 --> 00:15:19

But if this condition is alleviated soon, and

00:15:19 --> 00:15:22

inshaAllah we will see a Palestine that is

00:15:22 --> 00:15:23

free soon, inshaAllah we see an Aqsa that

00:15:23 --> 00:15:25

is free soon, and we are able to

00:15:25 --> 00:15:26

pray in Masjid al-Aqsa.

00:15:26 --> 00:15:28

But we do not stoop to the level

00:15:28 --> 00:15:31

of these barbaric terrorists, because we have standards.

00:15:32 --> 00:15:33

We know what the rules of engagement are

00:15:33 --> 00:15:35

when we deal with people who abuse us

00:15:35 --> 00:15:37

and harm us, here personally or anywhere around

00:15:37 --> 00:15:38

the world.

00:15:38 --> 00:15:41

And this is a reminder for us that's

00:15:41 --> 00:15:44

allowing us to stabilize in a way our

00:15:44 --> 00:15:46

emotions and regulating them from Islamic lens.

00:15:47 --> 00:15:48

That we know what we are supposed to

00:15:48 --> 00:15:51

do in any situation in life, any challenge

00:15:51 --> 00:15:52

that we go through, and that we do

00:15:52 --> 00:15:54

not treat people based on their standards, but

00:15:54 --> 00:15:56

based on the revelation that Allah subhanahu wa

00:15:56 --> 00:15:57

ta'ala has given us.

00:15:57 --> 00:15:59

And finally you look to the example of

00:15:59 --> 00:16:00

Nuh عليه السلام.

00:16:00 --> 00:16:01

He's oppressed.

00:16:02 --> 00:16:04

He's trying so hard to save people's lives.

00:16:04 --> 00:16:05

And he feels so helpless.

00:16:05 --> 00:16:06

They're calling him crazy.

00:16:07 --> 00:16:07

They're making fun of him.

00:16:08 --> 00:16:11

Propaganda, political propaganda against him and his followers.

00:16:11 --> 00:16:14

فَدَعَىٰ رَبَّهُ أَنِّي مَغْلُوبٌ فَانْتَصِرُ And every prophet

00:16:14 --> 00:16:17

and every righteous shows us dua is the

00:16:17 --> 00:16:17

first step.

00:16:18 --> 00:16:19

Turn to Allah consistently.

00:16:19 --> 00:16:20

And it's a step you never abandon.

00:16:21 --> 00:16:24

فَدَعَىٰ رَبَّهُ أَنِّي مَغْلُوبٌ فَانْتَصِرُ Oh Allah, I'm

00:16:24 --> 00:16:25

helpless, so help me.

00:16:25 --> 00:16:26

I'm oppressed, I'm abused.

00:16:27 --> 00:16:28

I'm being opposed.

00:16:28 --> 00:16:31

مَغْلُوبٌ فَانْتَصِرُ So grant me victory and success.

00:16:31 --> 00:16:32

When you look at all of this, you

00:16:32 --> 00:16:34

can also take lessons that help in the

00:16:34 --> 00:16:37

tarbiyah, the development of a young Muslim too.

00:16:37 --> 00:16:39

A high school student, a middle school student,

00:16:39 --> 00:16:41

elementary school student, college students and others.

00:16:42 --> 00:16:44

And so number one, as far as parenting

00:16:44 --> 00:16:48

advice goes, we help children differentiate factors outside

00:16:48 --> 00:16:51

of their control to the choices of influence,

00:16:51 --> 00:16:53

the sphere of influence that they actually have.

00:16:54 --> 00:16:55

The second, and we have to distinguish these

00:16:55 --> 00:16:56

two.

00:16:56 --> 00:16:58

The second is the power of helping others

00:16:58 --> 00:16:59

when we feel helpless.

00:16:59 --> 00:17:02

The importance of constantly serving and volunteering and

00:17:02 --> 00:17:04

helping, even though you may be going through

00:17:04 --> 00:17:06

your own hardship, not thinking what the whole

00:17:06 --> 00:17:07

world is about me alone.

00:17:07 --> 00:17:09

Trying to help other people as well.

00:17:09 --> 00:17:11

The third is the importance of self-accountability

00:17:11 --> 00:17:13

when it comes to facilitating change.

00:17:14 --> 00:17:14

What is my role?

00:17:15 --> 00:17:15

What did I do?

00:17:16 --> 00:17:17

How can I change this?

00:17:17 --> 00:17:20

The fourth and the last point here is

00:17:20 --> 00:17:24

to divide overwhelming situations into small manageable plans,

00:17:25 --> 00:17:27

small parts and small milestones so they can

00:17:27 --> 00:17:27

be tackled accordingly.

00:17:28 --> 00:17:29

And of course, dua.

00:17:30 --> 00:17:31

When we say all the time, لَا حَوْلَ

00:17:31 --> 00:17:34

وَلَا قُوَّةَ إِلَّا بِاللَّهِ Sometimes parents use this

00:17:34 --> 00:17:36

to respond to something their children have done.

00:17:36 --> 00:17:38

But in reality, when we say, لَا حَوْلَ

00:17:38 --> 00:17:40

وَلَا قُوَّةَ إِلَّا بِاللَّهِ There is no might

00:17:40 --> 00:17:42

and no power except by Allah.

00:17:43 --> 00:17:44

We have to really think about what we

00:17:44 --> 00:17:45

are saying and ensure that our hearts are

00:17:45 --> 00:17:46

present.

00:17:46 --> 00:17:48

لَا حَوْلَ وَلَا قُوَّةَ إِلَّا بِاللَّهِ Do not

00:17:48 --> 00:17:49

give up on dua.

00:17:49 --> 00:17:50

Do not give up on resilience.

00:17:51 --> 00:17:52

Do not give up on the actions you

00:17:52 --> 00:17:55

can take, on self-accountability, on manageable plans,

00:17:55 --> 00:17:56

on uniting with others.

00:17:57 --> 00:17:58

May Allah forgive us and grant us relief.

00:17:58 --> 00:17:59

And for our brothers and sisters in every

00:17:59 --> 00:18:01

land and place, ask Allah for forgiveness.

00:18:01 --> 00:18:03

He is the All-Forgiving, the Ever-Merciful.

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